Adoption Thread

[dcgator]

Logan - Congrats to you and your family on the anniversary of your daughter's adoption finalization. I can't imagine how difficult the whole process was, but obviously, you have a beautiful little girl to show for it.

IG - OMG, I am soooo very excited for you! In a week you should be holding your new daughter! Squeee I wish you a very happy New Year and hope your little girl makes it the best one yet.

 

[zoebartlett]

Logan -- what a beautiful girl!

IG -- I'm so excited for you, and I think of you often. Thanks for checking in!

 

[AGBF]

Logan - Congrats to you and your family on the anniversary of your daughter's adoption finalization. I can't imagine how difficult the whole process was, but obviously, you have a beautiful little girl to show for it.

Logan's posting of the photos of her daughter made me think that it might be nice if we had a separate thread linked to this one where we could post photos of our children as infants or toddlers or at whatever age we adopted them as well as of them now if we wished. (And, of course, biological children's photos would be welcome in the thread as well!!!) I know that there are some fora that try to separate photo threads from discussion threads so that photos do not get "lost". I don't think we'd have to be fanatics about it; after all, there are not that many of us here posting who would be putting up photos! However, we could limit the other thread to photos and comments about those photos. I think here it is hard to find children's photos. What do you all think?

Deb/AGBF

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think some pictures of our little ones with maybe a little info on the adoption would be very nice! I need to get my kids to scan some early pictures of Anna for me, though, before I can post any early ones!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Logan...your little girl is so adorable!!! Reminds me so much of my little one!

IG...YAY!!!!! Not much longer!!!!

 

[AGBF]

I think some pictures of our little ones with maybe a little info on the adoption would be very nice! I need to get my kids to scan some early pictures of Anna for me, though, before I can post any early ones!

I would love it if you would have your kids do that, ds. It was wonderful to see your adopted daughter (I had already seen your biological daughter as an adult in the photo with her husband and your grandaughter) as a child in the thread on infant pictures! I'd adore seeing more!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[ImperfectGirl]

I think some pictures of our little ones with maybe a little info on the adoption would be very nice! I need to get my kids to scan some early pictures of Anna for me, though, before I can post any early ones!

What an awesome idea! I'd love this!

(still here, no news yet)

 

[Maisie]

My husband and I are at the beginning of the adoption process. We are gathering as much info as possible just now. We are going to look into it after the holidays. I'm wondering if anyone knows if having a child with mild autism would stop us being able to adopt? I live in the UK so I suppose the rules/criteria might be different here. Any advice would be wonderful

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Maisie, rules can differ very much between agencies and the type of adoption you are doing. Generally here, they look at the total picture. The length of the marriage might come into play more so than having a child with mild autism. You'll just have to do some research about the rules where you are. Adoption is a wonderful blessing and I do hope it works out for you!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think some pictures of our little ones with maybe a little info on the adoption would be very nice! I need to get my kids to scan some early pictures of Anna for me, though, before I can post any early ones!

What an awesome idea! I'd love this!

(still here, no news yet)

Okay, since you and Deb are on board with this idea, one of us can start an "Adoption Stories" thread where we tell a little about our adoption journey and show some pictures! I'll have to get help scanning some pictures, but it is something that really needs to be done anyway.

 

[Maisie]

Maisie, rules can differ very much between agencies and the type of adoption you are doing. Generally here, they look at the total picture. The length of the marriage might come into play more so than having a child with mild autism. You'll just have to do some research about the rules where you are. Adoption is a wonderful blessing and I do hope it works out for you!

Thank you DS. We are going to get advice soon so I will report back with our findings!

 

[AGBF]

My husband and I are at the beginning of the adoption process. We are gathering as much info as possible just now. We are going to look into it after the holidays. I'm wondering if anyone knows if having a child with mild autism would stop us being able to adopt? I live in the UK so I suppose the rules/criteria might be different here. Any advice would be wonderful

I am pretty sure that it would not adversely affect a decision about your home being safe for an adoption, Maisie. In the United States, and-since adoption rules have been made more consistent internationally since we adopted-probably in the UK as well, a homestudy has to be done to determine what your home is like. Adoption "sources" (orphanages, lawyers, agencies) anywhere in the world can have that homestudy officially translated into their native language and authenticated so that the authorities in that country know it to be a legal document. The homestudy, done by a licensed social worker where you live, will explain in detail what your living situation is. The people who are trying to place a child want to place a child in a safe and loving home. They want to be sure that at least one parent will remain alive until the child reaches majority. They want to be sure that the couple is not too young and immature to raise a child. They want to be sure that the relationship is not too new and will not end in divorce. They want to be sure that the parents have the time and the financial resources to care for the child. Often they want to be sure that the child will have a bedroom. They want fire detectors in the home. If there is well water, they want it tested. They would only be concerned about other children (or, indeed animals or the condition of the home) if it looked as if something posed danger to a child. A raging child who bit uncontrollably; pet pit bulls with a history of biting the neighbors; or weird architecture with staircases that had no railings all could cause problems in a homestudy. Yet none of the above would necessarily make a family "fail" a homestudy. The problems would, simply, have to be discussed. I hope that that was helpful.

Deb/AGBF

 

[Maisie]

Thank you so much Deb. That was really useful!

I wanted to ask something. We are seriously considering adopting a child with a disability. Is there anything I can read (online) that would help us in our decision making? On the adoption websites there isn't really much to read. They do say they need adoptive parents for these children and they are often overlooked by prospective parents.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Maisie, you would be asked to fill out a questionnaire to indicate what types of disabilities you'd be willing to accept. I would caution you to be very careful since you already have a child with special needs. I had a good friend who adopted several children with special needs and it turned out to be a disaster. But I have other friends who adopted a little boy from China a year ago with cleft lip and palate who has had a couple of surgeries so far and is doing beautifully. He is developing normally otherwise and is adorable! Medically correctable things would seem to be really great since you live where there is government provided health care.

 

[Maisie]

I agree that adopting a child with Autism or a similar condition would be a mistake. But adopting a child with physical disabilities such as walking or speaking or blindness would be something we would be very open to.

 

[Maisie]

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my daughter's adoption finalization, 8 months after we brought her home. Her finalization made us a forever family and made her a US citizen. We were hoping for finalization in 2009 for the tax credit (!) and sure enough, she snuck in there.

My cutie pie has come a long way in 2 years, from when she immediately hated us upon meeting us!

Your daughter is adorable!!!!

 

[AGBF]

I agree that adopting a child with Autism or a similar condition would be a mistake. But adopting a child with physical disabilities such as walking or speaking or blindness would be something we would be very open to.

Just do bear in mind that any of these physical disabilities can also have an emotional effect on the child, and thus on the entire family. Another variable would be the age of the child at the time of adoption and the kind of nurturing the child had received prior to the adoption. If the child had languished in an orphanage, never forming bonds of love with anyone, even without a disability, the child's joining your family could prove to be a disaster! Many families have found that adopting children whose entire formative years were spent in Russian and Romanian institutions was more than they could handle. And the results were beyond tragic.

Deb/AGBF

 

[Maisie]

I understand what you are saying Deb. As I said, we are in the very early stages. I appreciate all advice you can give me

Also, we will be adopting from the UK.

 

[AGBF]

I understand what you are saying Deb. As I said, we are in the very early stages. I appreciate all advice you can give me

Also, we will be adopting from the UK.

Gotcha! Do you want an infant? This website appears to say that the route to adopting an infant is different from the route they offer. I found their website interesting, however. Are you ready for two little sisters from Canada, aged 2 and 4?

http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/adopting_children_with_disabilities.html

Deb

 

[Maisie]

I've been doing some reading last night (couldn't sleep - found out today I have kidney stones, ouch!) and the adoption services recommend that you don't apply if you are about to move house. We are moving in early summer so we have to hold off till then. We are going to spend the next few months doing as much research as we can.

Also it seems that the majority of children available for adoption will have some kind of special needs. Apparently if they come from parents with special needs they are likely to have some themselves. There are many children removed from their parents because they simply don't have the ability to look after them properly.

I've been reading an adoption forum and there are lots of horror stories! Surely not all adoption is like that? Maybe the only people who look for forums are the ones who are having difficulty? There must be some successes out there. I know it will take lots of hard work to settle a child in and it will take a lot of patience, love and commitment. We also have to consider our own birth children. We have a lot to think about.

I must seem really naive here but its like everything new. It takes lots of research and time.

 

[AGBF]

I must seem really naive here but its like everything new. It takes lots of research and time.

On the contrary! You sound very intelligent and wise! You are taking the time to research adoption and to think about the ramifications about having a special needs child join your family! It is the smart and thoughtful person who does that, who looks before s/he leaps, who thinks about the child(ren) s/he already has and their wellbeing. Most people are not Angela Jolie and Brad Pitt or Madonna or Mia Farrow. They do not have endless resources to hire help if one of their children has a problem that requires many visits to a hospital, to specialists, to physical or occupational therapy. If one of their children were to have tantrums in which the child got violent, they could put the child in a comfortable suite with nannies and round the clock care and hire special education teachers. What would a normal person do?

I do think that you should look into international adoption, however. I have a personal bias against Russia and Romania because the children there have often been neglected and, therefore, can never form bonds of love. Does that mean they should never have families? Never be given a chance? No. Of course not. But you, with a child who has mild autism, are not the right person to take in a child who may never be able to love, who may have sociopathic tendencies. You just cannot take that on. You must leave that to someone else.

If I were you, I would look into international adoptions where you could get a young child, one of a year or younger, who would be able to form bonds of love with you.

Deb/AGBF

 

[AGBF]

This site may be of interest to any of you who are in the process of adopting or who are investigating adoption. It has many areas in which people post, some devoted to international adoption; some to domestic adoption in the United States; some to people looking for birth parents. I just discovered the site and have not really had time to look at a fraction of what is on it. I just thought that it might be of interest to some posters here! I did notice that there were waiting parents posting and venting!!! It might be a source of support for some! The site is adoptiondotcom.

Thread on international adoption:
http://forums.adoption.com/international-adoption-support/

Threads on adopting from specfic countries:
http://forums.adoption.com/international-adoption/

Deb/AGBF

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Popping in to say Happy New Year to you all! No news yet but today marks 39 weeks...I feel like I'm nesting, haha. Cleaning and organizing like crazy in preparation of bringing this baby home.

Maise - I look forward to talking more about your upcoming adoption journey! Sorry about the kidney stones; I hope you feel better soon.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I must seem really naive here but its like everything new. It takes lots of research and time.

On the contrary! You sound very intelligent and wise! You are taking the time to research adoption and to think about the ramifications about having a special needs child join your family! It is the smart and thoughtful person who does that, who looks before s/he leaps, who thinks about the child(ren) s/he already has and their wellbeing. Most people are not Angela Jolie and Brad Pitt or Madonna or Mia Farrow. They do not have endless resources to hire help if one of their children has a problem that requires many visits to a hospital, to specialists, to physical or occupational therapy. If one of their children were to have tantrums in which the child got violent, they could put the child in a comfortable suite with nannies and round the clock care and hire special education teachers. What would a normal person do?

I do think that you should look into international adoption, however. I have a personal bias against Russia and Romania because the children there have often been neglected and, therefore, can never form bonds of love. Does that mean they should never have families? Never be given a chance? No. Of course not. But you, with a child who has mild autism, are not the right person to take in a child who may never be able to love, who may have sociopathic tendencies. You just cannot take that on. You must leave that to someone else.

If I were you, I would look into international adoptions where you could get a young child, one of a year or younger, who would be able to form bonds of love with you.

Deb/AGBF

Deb said everything I was thinking. You can't go into older child or special needs adoption with rose colored glasses on. You already have one child with special needs and a few children still at home, right Maisie? I agree that a baby is the wisest choice.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Popping in to say Happy New Year to you all! No news yet but today marks 39 weeks...I feel like I'm nesting, haha. Cleaning and organizing like crazy in preparation of bringing this baby home.

Maise - I look forward to talking more about your upcoming adoption journey! Sorry about the kidney stones; I hope you feel better soon.

IG, it seems on this side of things that the time has passes quickly!! I know it has been hard from your end! But not much longer!!! I will be praying for the safe arrival of this sweet baby, and that everything goes perfectly with the adoption! Boy are your families going to be in for a big surprise!!!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

It's 2:30am and we just got the call!! D is in labor so we are heading out in a few minutes! She is still at 1 cm. It's a 4.5 hr drive. Please muster up all the prayers/dust/good vibes that you can for our family, D's family, and this little baby and I'll be back to update later

 

[pancake]

IG, I have never posted in this thread before (I don't think) but in the last year I have held my breath for you more times than I can recall. I have been following your story with concern and hope and I am so excited for you this time - I have everything I can muster crossed for you!!! Please keep us posted!

 

[KatyWI]

^^^ Exactly what pancake said.

IG, I am wishing you all of the best luck and happiness in the world right now. I can't believe the time is here! I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for everyone.

 

[stephbolt]

It's 2:30am and we just got the call!! D is in labor so we are heading out in a few minutes! She is still at 1 cm. It's a 4.5 hr drive. Please muster up all the prayers/dust/good vibes that you can for our family, D's family, and this little baby and I'll be back to update later

Prayers and good thoughts outgoing for a safe labor and delivery, and for the adoption to move forward smoothly. Thinking of you IG!!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Good luck!!!!!!!!