Am I Really Just Crazy and Selfish?

[sammyj]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 510px">Date: 11/4/2008 12:51:25 AM
Author: Anastasia

Date: 11/4/2008 12:08:10 AM
Author: choro72
I don''t blame you for feeling this way, and I think your BF is handling the situation very badly. Bottom line is, he is not ready. It looks like he isn''t going to be ready anytime soon, so if you really want to get married soon, I think you should ask yourself if you are alright with that fact.
My suggestion is to focus on both of your education first, and enjoy your college life

I just typed a very similar response. He is not handling this well, but you need to listen to what he is tellling you. In spite of the fact that he ''almost proposed'', HE IS NOT READY!

You need to relax, and as Fieryred suggested, log off of PS for a while. You are not crazy or selfish, however you ARE obsessing. I have read through your other threads, and they are FILLED with anxiety. You need to take the pressure off of both you and your boyfriend.

''His reasons for wanting to wait the extra year are very logical and valid, but how could he not have thought through all that before he opened his mouth about it?
It breaks my heart that after giving me 4 different time frames, he''s just now actually sat down and thought out where he would like to be when he gets engaged.''

I agree with both of these statements, but I''m guessing he just got caught up in the excitement of the relationship, without thinking everything through. He is only 21, I can understand that he hasn''t thought about all of the logistics involved. You admit that his reasons for the extra year are logical and valid, so you need to accept that.

You need to do a couple of things. First, you need to remind yourself that, (in your own words),''His reasons for wanting to wait the extra year are very logical and valid''. Second, I think that the two of you should stop discussing marriage for a while. I think that in another year,you might both have a better perspective on everything. Third you need to live life today. You are so focused on a proposal and marriage that you are not enjoying what you have now.

As Choro points out, you need to decide if you are alright with not being married anytime soon. I don''t think that you just want to be married, I think you just want to be married to HIM! I honestly don''t think that his wavering on the engagement date is a lack of commitment, I think it is just an indication of his age. There is nothing wrong with that.

I wish you the best. Enjoy being in love, everything else will fall into place.

I agree with everything Anastasia and Choro have said! He just isn''t ready. I also agree with all of the posters who have said that you both are young, you''re in transitory periods of your life, and so much can happen in the next few years as you make decisions about your careers and futures.

I was also wondering if maybe your BF felt pressured to give you certain timelines and dates? I haven''t read through your past posts but according to others, you''re quite anxious about getting married and solidifying your commitment to one another. Maybe those timeframes were given to curb your anxiety.

Everyone has given you excellent advice so far..so ditto to all!