Am I the crazy one, here?

[Liane]

Having people volunteer to help (or asking them, politely and without pressure) is one thing.

Demanding help -- and an entrance fee, and presents, is just... just...

Check the postal date on that thing and see if it somehow got lost for 8 months instead of arriving on April 1, that''s the only theory I can come up with. Oh wait, you said it was an email. Yeah... so...

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/3/2009 4:45:37 PM
Author: ts44

WOW. W.O.W.

I thought that bachelorette thread was bad but this takes the cake. We all ''pay'' to go to weddings. We pay in travel, gas, new clothes, gifts, cards, babysitters. To ask for money on top of what your guests are giving to show up, that is the ultimate in tacky.

And just because it''s your sister in law doesn''t mean you ''have'' to do anything. Inappropriateness transcends family obligations. I would say thank you for the invite but we have other plans, and then send a nice card offering congratulations but nothing else.

lol, I wish I could!

 

[havernell]

Date: 12/3/2009 4:49:54 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Also, if I were you, I'd rsvp without the check, and see if she has the nerve to make you pay it even though your husband is already being so generous with his time.

This is what I would do too. I mean, are they going to stop you at the door if you haven't paid your "entrance fee"? If so, then it's their loss, since your husband won't be able to take their photos if he can't get in the door!

Can your husband talk to his parents to see 1) if they know what his sister is proposing with this entrace fee and 2) if he can convince them that this is not the way to throw a wedding? Clearly, you two shouldn't get too involved in his sister's business, but your husband can at least express concern that people won't come if they can't afford/are put off by the entrance fee. He can couch it in term of him not wanting his sister to be dissapointed if lots of people decline the invitation.

Good luck and keep us updated on this saga!

 

[MagsyMay]

Choro: I think that''s great everyone participated and chipped in for your wedding to be such a great success. I see a difference between that and was the OP''s SIL is doing though, especially with the admittance fee (which I didn''t see you mention you had).

I''ve never heard of an admittance fee, EVER. But I also haven''t been to a wedding in a different country/culture. Not sure it sounds like that''s the case with the OP''s SIL either, in which case I think it''s just ridiculous. AND to ask for gifts?? Sheesh!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/3/2009 4:49:54 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
I can understand politely asking family members and friends to help with their talents, I know many people who had a relative be the photographer since they couldn''t afford one otherwise. In all those cases they didn''t EXPECT their family to do it though, it wasn''t like they were being pressed into service, lol.

However, this entry fee + gift thing is just absurd to me.

The logistics also baffle me. Most RSVP deadlines are about 3 weeks before the wedding, so they won''t know how many checks they would receive until then? Are they making you guys RSVP like a year in advance so that they know what the budget it for the wedding?

And if it''s not too personal, can I ask how much the fee it?

Also, if I were you, I''d rsvp without the check, and see if she has the nerve to make you pay it even though your husband is already being so generous with his time.

Funny you should ask about the RSVP date. The wedding is May 22 and their RSVP date in April 1. Also, the site specifically states that if they don''t get it by then, they''ll assure you''re not coming... In other words, no check = no admittance.

I''m not really comfortable talking numbers, but I have to say that''s another thing that baffles me. I know for a fact (since many of the people invited to their wedding was invited to ours) that if they didn''t charge, they would get more money than by charging. Sure, people gave us according to their situation and some people gave us less, but many gave us much more! Are they so afraid people won''t give them gifts they have to set a minimum? To me that''s like saying: "Your wedding gift to me must be worth at least XYZ amount..."

I know some people are not comfortable with gift registries for more or less similar reasons, but at least most registries have gifts in a very wide budget range.

 

[purrfectpear]

How is it an "open bar" and "sit down dinner" when you Pre-pay for your admittance?

She should say there''s a cover charge and a two drink minimum

 

[bee*]

An entry fee

To their wedding?!

Crazy!

 

[Lilac]

I can''t believe anyone would actually do this.

Family members volunteering to help is one thing. That''s a really sweet gesture. But for them to demand that family members help, *and* charging them to come, *and* expecting them to bring gifts with them?!

Speechless.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I just don't understand how they'll do this when they won't have the checks in hand until 6 weeks before the wedding? You have to book venues and things far in advance. Are they just assuming a rough guess at how much money they'll get and spending that?

What if they end up short? Are they going to be out of saving or have to go into debt?

Although it sounds like they are getting a lot of stuff for free from family, so remind me one more time why there's a fee? Just to cover the cost of dinner and the bar? Seriously? I mean, it's bad enough to charge people to come to a fancy, expensively catered black tie affair in an exotic place, but to charge them to come to something low key and inexpensive to begin with seems super weird (and cheap).

It just seems like an impractical and stressful arrangement for everyone involved

I can't imagine that she's totally naive to the fact that cover charges to a wedding aren't normal and that it may result in a wedding with 20 people in attendance.

 

[kama_s]

I haven't read all the responses, but this is actually very common at weddings in Quebec. I think that's where you're from, right?

Not saying I agree with it, just mentioning that a huge % of weddings in Quebec have started to have an entry fee that covers a little more than dinner.

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 12/3/2009 4:45:37 PM
Author: ts44

WOW. W.O.W.


I thought that bachelorette thread was bad but this takes the cake.

Lol you beat me to the punchline! I was going to ask if she was also asking everyone to pay for her bachelorette party

 

[Vancity]

An "entry fee" for a wedding? That''s quite a concept.

Will they employ the Cineplex & Famous Players marketing technique, and sell discounted tickets at Costco?

(Wonder how many bounced cheques they''ll get?

)

 

[lulu66]

Date: 12/3/2009 3:51:57 PM
Author:anchor31
Feel free to tell me that I am. Honestly. I''m seriously starting to question my sanity, or if maybe my DH was adopted...


SIL (DH''s sister) sent e-mails with her wedding website address and I checked it out. I''m pretty shocked and slightly offended by what I saw, and I wanted to run it by you savvy brides to know if maybe it''s just my pregnancy hormones making me overreact.


SIL and her FI are students and aren''t into pump and circumstance, so I figured they''d have a small, intimate wedding and keep it at that. But it turns out they are going all out with sit-down dinner, open bar and all the trimmings for the entire family (and we''re talking huge 12-ish aunts/uncles families plus cousins here)... and are asking for an entry fee. A check must be sent back with the RSVP. They asked DH (who is not a professional photographer, but he does have a great camera and takes pretty amazing landscape shots) to do the pictures for them for free, and generous as he is, he said yes and is even going to rent a special lense, flash and stuff for the day. It turns out pretty much all of their vendors (except the venue) are family members. I find this kind of odd... Don''t you want your family to enjoy your wedding day instead of work? And I wonder, all those people working for them for free, do they have to pay to be there too? The website also mentions gifts. Wait... We have to pay our way in, work for them for free and give them gifts?


I get that they are students and want to save money, I was a student too when I got married. But charging an entry fee and asking for gifts? Asking your family to work for free instead of celebrate? What happened to having the wedding you can afford? Is etiquette dead? Is it crazy to expect people to still follow etiquette? Sometimes I feel like it is... If it wasn''t my SIL, I would not go.

my question is: is all the vendors are family who are "volunteering" their services...what the heck is the admittance fee for? they are hosting the wedding, some of the $$ burden should be on them. and to mentions gifts?! OMG--that''s tacky! i have no problem with asking close family members for help but to then ask them to pay to get in & to bring a gift is wrong imo.

 

[canada_ham]

Date: 12/3/2009 3:57:33 PM
Author: Ara Ann
Geesh! I''d rather throw a back yard pot luck wedding than CHARGE people to show up at my reception and ask for free services from relatives! Ultimate display of tackiness.

ditto!

 

[blackbetty]

Every time I think I''ve heard the tackiest thing ever, I get surprised.

Certainly asking a pregnant bridesmaid to leve the bridal party is ruder, but I''l have to say they tie for ridiculousness & tackiness.

 

[choro72]

Oh, I completely understand that this is strange. It sounds so absurd that I''m trying to see her reasoning behind this. If I wrote it the wrong way our wedding would have been tacky too.

It''s interesting that admission is common in Quebec as well! I thought it was only in Northern Japan.

 

[lulu]

This past summer we were invited to a 25th Anniversary party with an entrance fee. I thing it''s unbelievably tacky.

 

[vc10um]

Oh my.

I think that''s about all I can muster on *that* one.

 

[trillionaire]

Bwaahahahahahahaha!

I would have to go for sheer curiosity! You may want to ask in advance whether you need to pay extra, since you are eating for two!

 

[monarch64]

Uh...I''m flummoxed. I''ve never heard of this before...well, except when I first heard the expression "cover your plate" in Chicago. Apparently that meant giving a cash gift that equaled the amount your dinner was costing the host/hostess. At least with an entry fee you don''t have to guess how much your hosts are spending so they can have you there to enjoy their performance.

 

[emeraldlover1]

OMG....I am just blown away by this. I have an ettiquite book for weddings...do you want to give it to them, for free? haha.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/3/2009 5:56:17 PM
Author: kama_s
I haven''t read all the responses, but this is actually very common at weddings in Quebec. I think that''s where you''re from, right?

Not saying I agree with it, just mentioning that a huge % of weddings in Quebec have started to have an entry fee that covers a little more than dinner.

Um... Really? I''ve never been to one. Cash bars, I''ve heard of/been to a couple... but cover fees, nope. And if it is getting common...

Yet another reason why I should get out of here!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/3/2009 8:52:30 PM
Author: trillionaire
Bwaahahahahahahaha!

I would have to go for sheer curiosity! You may want to ask in advance whether you need to pay extra, since you are eating for two!

Hahaha! I won''t be eating for two anymore by then, though.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/3/2009 9:26:17 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
OMG....I am just blown away by this. I have an ettiquite book for weddings...do you want to give it to them, for free? haha.

haha! I''d love to.

 

[princesss]

An ENTRY FEE?????

I can''t get past that. Give me a few minutes, and I''ll keep reading.

 

[iheartscience]

WOW. That''s insane to me! Yikes.

 

[Kelli]

oh wow. you are most definitely not crazy. that is beyond tacky!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Yikes... shocked! That''s bold.

 

[princessplease]

Wow wow wow. That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of! How dare they!!! You have what you and contributers can afford, and if it''s a small intimate wedding in family''s backyard, then that''s it, or you wait to marry until you can afford what you want. But to ask for an entry fee into the wedding???!!!!! I am in such disbelief, lol!!!!!! Wow.

 

[megumic]

If you don''t mind me asking, was an exact dollar amount entry fee indicated??? Send the check back with $1 - see how that goes over