Am I the crazy one, here?

[neatfreak]

Anchor this is so ridiculous that if it wasn't you posting it I would think every word was a lie.

I just don't even have words for how rude your SIL is for doing this.

And FWIW Choro I see this situation TOTALLY differently than yours. All the family chipping in to help because they love you-FABULOUS. The bride *requiring* everyone to cater to her every whim AND pay to do it? Nope!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Haha, will they stamp your hand when you leave so that you can re-enter? Or is there a Re-entry fee as well

 

[kama_s]

Date: 12/3/2009 9:26:42 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 12/3/2009 5:56:17 PM
Author: kama_s
I haven''t read all the responses, but this is actually very common at weddings in Quebec. I think that''s where you''re from, right?

Not saying I agree with it, just mentioning that a huge % of weddings in Quebec have started to have an entry fee that covers a little more than dinner.

Um... Really? I''ve never been to one. Cash bars, I''ve heard of/been to a couple... but cover fees, nope. And if it is getting common...

Yet another reason why I should get out of here!

Yeah, it''s absolutely awful. *blech* If you go through Weddingbells or CanadianBride, you''ll see how every second thread is about this issue.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/3/2009 5:46:40 PM
Author: bee*
An entry fee

To their wedding?!

Crazy!

Oh wow, is all I can manage this late at night.

Oh Anchor it's not you... You have always had such a level head. I have always enjoyed your posts since you joined way back when.

But these two?? Sooooo tacky.. Seriously. I know I am older than most of you and could be old enough to be your Mom, but this just isn't right....

So you are not crazy, they are.....

I hope you let us know how it all works out, and by working out, I hope the family isn't doing all the work!!!!

Pitching in and helping is a whole different thing, but when it's demanded of you??? That's tacky, and wrong.

 

[anchor31]

Well, thank you everyone. I''m reassured that maybe etiquette is not dead, at least not everywhere. I''m pretty sure they are doing this out of pure ignorance, which not an excuse in my book, but still.

I''m still debating going or not. Not going would probably cause a lot of hurt and resentment in an already strained relationship with the ILs, so I probably will end up going. But the idea of paying to spend the day with people I don''t know or don''t like on my own since DH will be working, plus leaving my 5-month-old at home and having to find something to wear, a mere three weeks after our big move into the house...

I have other thing to worry about right now, so I think I''ll wait until we receive our invites to decide.

 

[noelwr]

as a strong believer of not getting married until you can pay for the wedding yourselves, I only have one word for this: SCANDALOUS!

and I can''t believe they mention gifts on their website! where do you get the b@lls to ask people to pay an entry fee AND ask them to spend money on you for gifts. their willingness to pay a fee is already a freakin'' gift. ok, I''m going to stop writing because this is making me

haha... DH feels as strongly about this topic so this will definitely keep us entertained with conversation tonight.

 

[tlh]

They aren''t a charity drive. There shouldn''t a per plate charge - for the honor of being a guest. That is beyond tacky... it is disgusting.

If YOU CAN''T afford to throw the party - don''t put the burden on your guests. That would be a situation I''d feel totally fine about coming empty handed. Since I paid for their dream wedding.... maybe I''d just take a picture of them at the reception and mail it to them later (even if my husband wasn''t their free photog) and say how glad I was to be able to contribute to their special day and help make it happen.

You are right though. Making family members work is not cool unless they volunteer.. but even still - they should feel like they should be able to enjoy the party... adn then you get THEM a really nice gift.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Wow. I would make sure that your SIL knows the photos and entry fee WILL be her wedding gift.

Maybe it''s her age, or maybe it''s a case of immaturity, or maybe she considers herself clever...but she will one day look back and CRINGE!

 

[marlie]

ummmmmmm......wow. that is something. your sil has conquered a new level of tackiness. impressive. honestly, i''m shocked. who does that???? gross.

maybe she''s joking? please say she''s joking.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 12/3/2009 4:08:19 PM
Author: Haven
Wha . . . !

Well . . . !

. . . there are just no words.

I second this.

Unbelievable.

 

[decodelighted]

Simple. There''s now a handsome "Photography Fee". Also, to keep yourself busy while alone ... set up a Lemonade Stand on the way in ... or maybe a "Coat Check" -- & pocket all the tips!

Also, the pictures are Poloroids -- and your hubby can take pix of random couples during the reception & sell those pix directly to the guests, rather than giving them to the bride & groom.

 

[Gypsy]

Yeah. Not you.

The admission fee is just baffling. I've actually heard about a couple of people doing this in NY recently (not family or friends just random people) and if it a 'social norm' in Quebec, I can't say I agree with it. Asking people to pay a cover charge, bring a gift and work at your wedding takes steel... ovaries. Entitled doesn't begin to cover it.

Um. Can you send her an invoice after your baby shower with a bill for her attendance?

 

[zoebartlett]

I just saw this, Anchor, and I''m shocked that someone would even *think* of doing this. It''s beyond rude. Someone suggested RSVPing without sending a check and see if your SIL and her FI actually ask for the money. That''s what I''d do. I can''t BELIEVE the nerve they have!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I thought you were supposed to throw the party you could afford, and the guests would be appreciative of that.

I had a friend who got married in a church. She had a punch and cake reception at the church after the ceremony, and she specifically told me it was because she didn''t have the money for a full dinner and dancing reception.

It seems like now people feel like a full dinner reception is a requirement to getting married and that this is more important than following basic rules to hosting a party. Having a wedding is about getting together with the people you love to celebrate your and husbands first day of their lives together.

I think what your SIL is doing is tacky and rude.

 

[Porridge]

There are no words. Seriously, I had to leave this one alone for a while, and come back and read it again to make sure I hadn''t dreamt the whole thing.

T.A.C.K.Y.

BTW choro I don''t think your situation was the same at all. Your wedding sounded lovely and not at all tacky. Big difference here!

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 12/4/2009 7:49:38 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I thought you were supposed to throw the party you could afford, and the guests would be appreciative of that.


I had a friend who got married in a church. She had a punch and cake reception at the church after the ceremony, and she specifically told me it was because she didn't have the money for a full dinner and dancing reception.


It seems like now people feel like a full dinner reception is a requirement to getting married and that this is more important than following basic rules to hosting a party. Having a wedding is about getting together with the people you love to celebrate your and husbands first day of their lives together.


I think what your SIL is doing is tacky and rude.

Ditto.

There is NO requirement to have an expensive reception or party. I would ten times rather attend a cake and punch reception than pay for any part of a fancy dinner and drinks. They should throw the party they can afford.

It's a shame that people feed the bad behaviour by going along with the couples' sense of entitlement and greed. If it were anyone apart from close family, I wouldn't even consider attending.

 

[cleokizzy]

Date: 12/3/2009 3:59:17 PM
Author: dani2142
TACKY!

i totally agree!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/4/2009 7:49:38 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I thought you were supposed to throw the party you could afford, and the guests would be appreciative of that.

I had a friend who got married in a church. She had a punch and cake reception at the church after the ceremony, and she specifically told me it was because she didn''t have the money for a full dinner and dancing reception.

It seems like now people feel like a full dinner reception is a requirement to getting married and that this is more important than following basic rules to hosting a party. Having a wedding is about getting together with the people you love to celebrate your and husbands first day of their lives together.

I think what your SIL is doing is tacky and rude.

I know, it''s just so sad. DH and I had a two-year engagement to save up for the wedding, and we had a small 50 guests daytime affair. It''s what we could afford, and it was lovely. Funny thing is, people were very generous and it ended up not costing us anything... But it seems like it''s more about the party than the wedding/marriage now.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Totally agree. I have been to so many weddings where the celebration of the couple got lost in the party.

Your wedding sounds like a wonderful event. You guys sound like you had your eyes focused on the right target, the marriage, rather than the wedding.