An update to my SIL, jr BM, FG and father saga.

[princessplease]

Kimberly, thank you for your thorough response. I jsut feel like that it''s more than a title thing, that SIL is making this about her and her kids, and that''s what angers me.

Haven, THANK YOU for coming up with a great response. I didn''t email her yesterday because I was fuming, but that is a very rational and appropriate response. Thank you. I will be composing the email shortly.

Cindy, thanks. SIL loves making everything about her!!!!

luvthem, you''re right; I defintiely need to make it an end all thing. I feel like I''m floundering with a response here, that there is no definite timeline. I definitely will include a timeline in the email I send.

Amizzle, thank you. I honestly think the 7 year old could care less, but apparently, to SIL, this will deeply upset the kid.....really, SIL???

Bia, my brother has NO say at all in any areas of anything in his marriage, with his kids, or his family life. SIL wears the pants in a HUGE way, and whenever he tries to reason with her about anything, she yells at him. We''ve seen it at family functions. It''s ridiculous!

marile, thanks. I took yesterday to sort of cool off, and really like Haven''s response, so I''m going to email her that when I''m done here on PS. I am worried about things being rough with dad, but with SIL, honestly, I could care less. I do not care for her as a person at all, so our ''relationship'' can''t get any worse, lol!

charbie, what a great response, too. I like the snarkiness in it

Thanks. Like marlie said, I just want to kill her with kindness though.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

I just have to put in some past experience here- it is TOO familiar.

My EX-SIL- that is a WHOLE other story- did the same thing with her girls. To the point that she threatened and almost refused to let them be in the wedding and honestly, after all the fighting, I was done. She called me one day and was on a rant and for some reason- my filter stopped working.

SMGL: Um, Deb?
SIL: Yeah?
SMGL: One quick little question.
SIL
SMGL: Whos wedding is this?
SIL: Yours and BLAHS
SMGL: Right. So, either put the girls in the dresses and let them know that they are the FG or don't and explain that you didn't want them in the FG role because you couldn't stand the thought of my niece being a JRBM. I mean at this point, I hate to say it, I just don't care. I am tired of trying to please everyone else when really I only care about what BLAH and I think. This is OUR day, this is OUR marriage. At the end of the day, I want the girls to be a part of it- but I am NOT going to fight with you anymore.
SIL: *SILENT*
SMGL: ?
SIL: You're right. I am sorry. I don't want to tell the girls that, I'll buy the dresses tomorrow.

*FYI my niece was 14 vs. her daughters at 8 and 6.*

Things were smooth until she was 1.5 hrs late to the rehersal..but thats another story- LOL

So, IMO- I would say, tell her some sort of variance of the above- maybe in a more diplomatic way but let her know that you aren't going to budge, this is what YOU want. You want her there but it is decided what roll she will have. If need be, explain to her what her roll is and buff it up a bit- if she is actually upset. I think it is more about Mom being huffy more so than little one.

My two cents.

 

[KimberlyH]

PP, obviously this is about more than a title, it''s about your anger towards your father, your unwillingness to stand up to him, your SIL being off-kilter in regards to her kids, and a host of other family issues that appear to exist amongst all of you. It''s the battle you''ve picked to fight, but again it seems like a waste of your time and energy; what it sounds like is you feel walked on and need to stand up to someone somehow and this is your way of doing so.

As for your latest thread, yeah her response was as out there as the others, but I think it''s logical for you to communicate with your brother about the girls being in the wedding; I think in most cases when in-laws conflict the person they are both connected to relied on as an intermediary.

I know deaf ears and all, I just think it''s sad that, as I said before, these are the memories you are choosing to make of your engagement.