Are you annoyed easily?

[luckystar112]

Well what if you feel like you CAN'T be nice when asking someone to do the obvious?

I mean, in the situation in the parking lot they multiple hints that we were leaving.

1st...when we were walking to our car.
2nd...when we squeezed by them and THEIR car (they were standing outside their car, and they did see us.)
3rd...when we got in our car, which they saw us do as well
4th...when we STARTED our car. Again, they were standing outside their car yapping
5th...when I tapped the breaks to shine the red light on them.

I just didn't feel like I should have to indulge them one last time with an explanation as to exactly what I was trying to do by getting in my truck and turning it on, you know? lol. I just don't think I could have done it nicely at that point.

Luckily, the whole thing does seem trivial now, but it does make me mad that I had to ruin the landscaping at the restaurant.

I also wanted to say, that when I'm driving I do get annoyed...but usually I'm able to get over that in a matter of seconds, unless the person was driving extremely crazy and almost caused an accident. That I don't handle so well.

It's gotten a little better since I've decided not to drive on freeways anymore. (Hey Curio--I drive from Tomball to the Galleria three times a week and don't take a single freeway! Yes, I'm crazy.)

I do vent to my boyfriend a lot...and it is for selfish reasons. I know it bothers him...hey, he offered to PAY for yoga.

But I sometimes think I'm just a complainer. I've been paying attention to myself these last few days and I've noticed that even when starting conversations with people that I don't know I'll use a complaint. For instance, "can this line get any slower? hehehe" or when chatting with coworkers its usually complaining about a bad table I had or how swamped I am with school. I'm just a complainer!!

I feel really negative sometimes. I think I get it from my mother.

But at the same time both of us try to find the joy in life to even it out. I don't know...I need a new outlet. A different way to vent...a hobby!!! lol

ETA: Since I was 14 I have had anxiety problems. Not depression, but like panic attacks and irrational fears. Do you think that could have anything to do with it?
Which reminds me, no one commented about my "Brooke from the Real World" comment...lol. Thank GOD I'm not as bad as her. She is so depressing. I really hope I don't come off like that to people.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/30/2007 11:48:24 PM
Author: luckystar112
But I sometimes think I''m just a complainer. I''ve been paying attention to myself these last few days and I''ve noticed that even when starting conversations with people that I don''t know I''ll use a complaint. For instance, ''can this line get any slower? hehehe'' or when chatting with coworkers its usually complaining about a bad table I had or how swamped I am with school. I''m just a complainer!!

I feel really negative sometimes. I think I get it from my mother.

But at the same time both of us try to find the joy in life to even it out. I don''t know...I need a new outlet. A different way to vent...a hobby!!! lol

You''re not alone! Believe it or not -- this is a common problem! ESPECIALLY if you''ve had this kind of "response" & "behavior" modeled by your Mom. It''s how you know to interact. It''s your first instinct. Etc.

HOWEVER -- I do think it''s change-worthy behavior & would make your personal relationships more enjoyable & your daily life more stress-free. You''ll also get further in your career & make a better parent if you take steps to change your impulses/thoughts/behavior.

Labeling yourself isn''t a great idea ... like "that''s just the way I am". Maybe more like "that''s just what I know how to do" ... which gives you not a "label" ... but a way out ... a way to change what you do & how you are. Choices. Room for growth.

I''m a big believer in cognitive therapy & my suggesting it isn''t to imply you''re nutty or anything. If that seems too extreme to you right now ... maybe check out a few books on positive thinking, or even the old standard "How To Win Friends & Influence People".

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 4/30/2007 11:48:24 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well what if you feel like you CAN''T be nice when asking someone to do the obvious?

I mean, in the situation in the parking lot they multiple hints that we were leaving.

1st...when we were walking to our car.
2nd...when we squeezed by them and THEIR car (they were standing outside their car, and they did see us.)
3rd...when we got in our car, which they saw us do as well
4th...when we STARTED our car. Again, they were standing outside their car yapping
5th...when I tapped the breaks to shine the red light on them.

I just didn''t feel like I should have to indulge them one last time with an explanation as to exactly what I was trying to do by getting in my truck and turning it on, you know? lol. I just don''t think I could have done it nicely at that point.

Luckily, the whole thing does seem trivial now, but it does make me mad that I had to ruin the landscaping at the restaurant.

I also wanted to say, that when I''m driving I do get annoyed...but usually I''m able to get over that in a matter of seconds, unless the person was driving extremely crazy and almost caused an accident. That I don''t handle so well.

It''s gotten a little better since I''ve decided not to drive on freeways anymore. (Hey Curio--I drive from Tomball to the Galleria three times a week and don''t take a single freeway! Yes, I''m crazy.)

I do vent to my boyfriend a lot...and it is for selfish reasons. I know it bothers him...hey, he offered to PAY for yoga.

But I sometimes think I''m just a complainer. I''ve been paying attention to myself these last few days and I''ve noticed that even when starting conversations with people that I don''t know I''ll use a complaint. For instance, ''can this line get any slower? hehehe'' or when chatting with coworkers its usually complaining about a bad table I had or how swamped I am with school. I''m just a complainer!!

I feel really negative sometimes. I think I get it from my mother.

But at the same time both of us try to find the joy in life to even it out. I don''t know...I need a new outlet. A different way to vent...a hobby!!! lol

ETA: Since I was 14 I have had anxiety problems. Not depression, but like panic attacks and irrational fears. Do you think that could have anything to do with it?
Which reminds me, no one commented about my ''Brooke from the Real World'' comment...lol. Thank GOD I''m not as bad as her. She is so depressing. I really hope I don''t come off like that to people.

Obviously they didn''t take cues that you were trying to leave, they were oblivious to you. You don''t think you needed to indulge them?? Oh man, it would have taken one second to get out of your truck and say, trying to back up here, could you pull forward a bit?? And the landscaping to the restaurant wouldn''t have to be damaged. You made a poor choice doing that!!!

If you had taken time to ask them nicely to move, they would have. Being passive agressive got you no where. I am not being mean, or judgemental. I am just telling you my perspective. Speaking up, doesn''t have to be done in an angry way. As I said earlier IT''S ALL IN THE DELIVERY.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Date: 5/1/2007 12:01:35 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/30/2007 11:48:24 PM
Author: luckystar112
But I sometimes think I''m just a complainer. I''ve been paying attention to myself these last few days and I''ve noticed that even when starting conversations with people that I don''t know I''ll use a complaint. For instance, ''can this line get any slower? hehehe'' or when chatting with coworkers its usually complaining about a bad table I had or how swamped I am with school. I''m just a complainer!!

I feel really negative sometimes. I think I get it from my mother.

But at the same time both of us try to find the joy in life to even it out. I don''t know...I need a new outlet. A different way to vent...a hobby!!! lol

You''re not alone! Believe it or not -- this is a common problem! ESPECIALLY if you''ve had this kind of ''response'' & ''behavior'' modeled by your Mom. It''s how you know to interact. It''s your first instinct. Etc.

HOWEVER -- I do think it''s change-worthy behavior & would make your personal relationships more enjoyable & your daily life more stress-free. You''ll also get further in your career & make a better parent if you take steps to change your impulses/thoughts/behavior.

Labeling yourself isn''t a great idea ... like ''that''s just the way I am''. Maybe more like ''that''s just what I know how to do'' ... which gives you not a ''label'' ... but a way out ... a way to change what you do & how you are. Choices. Room for growth.

I''m a big believer in cognitive therapy & my suggesting it isn''t to imply you''re nutty or anything. If that seems too extreme to you right now ... maybe check out a few books on positive thinking, or even the old standard ''How To Win Friends & Influence People''.

I''m in Deco''s camp here. Well said. This is a hot topic for Mrs. Z (my wife). I think the issue is that if we need to change a behaviour, there is something "wrong" with us, or we are "bad". Nothing could be further from the truth. I think we can all agree that no one is perfect. That implies that we all have things we can improve upon.


Here are some things to think about: who is reponsible for any property damage in jumping the parking divider? if the truck were damaged in jumping the parking divider, who''s fault would it be? How would you assign the percentage of blame?

 

[luckystar112]

I guess its hard to believe that people can be that rude...but I can assure you one more time that they knew we were leaving. Even when I was shining my break lights on them I was turned around to see their expression and one of the adults (male) looked at our truck and then went right on talking. I''m guessing he wasn''t saying "hey guys, maybe we should get out of the way" because they didn''t take any action to do so afterwards. I wish I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they were just "oblivious" but....no....they (or at least just the guy) were just rude and obviously felt like we could wait another minute or twenty for them to finish their conversation. Not to mention that being oblivious to others is just a nicer way of saying "rude" in the first place. I''m not sure that they all arrived to the restaurant together...I''m under the impression that they were probably just friends saying a long goodbye in the parking lot, or maybe as one of the cars was leaving they ran into someone they knew. Maybe the other person had parked and was going to the restaurant as the other was leaving...I have no idea.

So yeah. I realize the practical thing to do would have been to roll down the window and ask them to move...but like I said before I don''t know if I could have said it nicely. That''s why I was wondering if anxiety/irrational fears could have anything to do with it. Because when I was contemplating telling them to move these were my thoughts:

Am I going to be able to ask nicely? (Most likely, no. Not after all of that.)
If I don''t say it nicely, what if they get offended and start an argument?
What if we banter back and forth and then it escalates? Is it worth it?
They looked kind of white-trashy. (I hope I don''t offend anyone by this.) The guy looked like a wanna-be gangsta...are these people that I can rationalize with?


decodedelighted:
I think I''m going to check out some of those books. I honestly do think I get it from my mother. I don''t know how to stop!

 

[diamondfan]

I sometimes worry if I will piss off the wrong person, but had an incident in a parking lot and I called the police because a guy came at me screaming and yelling even after I told him my five year old was in the car and he was scaring my son, and HE WAS THE ONE IN THE WRONG. I had not done anything and he was just an impatient total scummy jerk who could not wait the three seconds it took for the person backing out in front of me to back out all the way...she was an older lady and was backing out and did not see me coming down the row to her right because the car parked to her immediate right was a large one... so she was backing out, and I stopped as I was driving down the lane to allow her to continue (and not hit me), plus pedestrians kept crossing in front of my car, just walking in the aisle to get to their cars so I could not just be flying down the row. This guy behind me was pissed that he had to stop when I did and was gesturing rudely and honking. Then he ZOOMED around me into the oncoming lane, screeched into a handicapped space on the other side of the aisle and then ran over at my car screaming and cussing at me...that I needed to learn MANNERS etc, even after I rolled up my window...like I should keep driving when I can see a couple cars ahead of me that someone is backing out, does not see me and will likely hit me, so HE does not have to wait an extra couple of seconds and oh yeah, too bad for the handicapped person who might really need the space (he had tags, might have been an older relative's car he was using but he was clearly not currently physically impaired in any way)...He looked totally loony, and dirty too, and was screaming filth...and I was about to get out of my car with my son to do an errand that could not be done later, and I thought, forget THIS, and called the police. He scared me and his reaction so so totally not normal in the situation that I just did not want to have an issue with him when I got out with my son and was walking around the center. They waited with me until he left the parking lot...people were coming up to me and asking if I was okay and my son loved the police but kept asking me why the man was screaming at us...

 

[Gypsy]

I guess I just don''t see the point in assuming anything.(Other than the fact that everyone is a moron)

I don''t assume that people have seen me and decided to ignore me.

I don''t assume that they are going to be belligerent or uncooperative.


All this assuming just seems like a waste of time and energy. And it''s pointless. Cause you do know until you confirm.

You ASSUME the guy saw you... maybe they were talking about their upcoming divorce-- or a death in the family and the guy was just... staring, not comprehending. Maybe he''d been drinking and his brain wasn''t making the logical connections....

The only way you can be sure he''s seen you and KNOWS that YOU aren''t changing diapers in YOUR car is to make it clear. Not sit there and fume.

You say that they looked shady. That''s just your impression. And frankly you could just be assuming/interpreting things in order to excuse your own lack of assertiveness... doesn''t make me really believe your account of the events. Makes me think you chose to interpret in the way that most conformed with your desire to avoid confrontation. You basically gave yourself the excuse to act in a passive-aggressive way, internally stressful way.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:37:38 AM
Author: Gypsy
I guess I just don''t see the point in assuming anything.(Other than the fact that everyone is a moron)

I don''t assume that people have seen me and decided to ignore me.

I don''t assume that they are going to be belligerent or uncooperative.


All this assuming just seems like a waste of time and energy. And it''s pointless. Cause you do know until you confirm.

You ASSUME the guy saw you... maybe they were talking about their upcoming divorce-- or a death in the family and the guy was just... staring, not comprehending. Maybe he''d been drinking and his brain wasn''t making the logical connections....

The only way you can be sure he''s seen you and KNOWS that YOU aren''t changing diapers in YOUR car is to make it clear. Not sit there and fume.

You say that they looked shady. That''s just your impression. And frankly you could just be assuming/interpreting things in order to excuse your own lack of assertiveness... doesn''t make me really believe your account of the events. Makes me think you chose to interpret in the way that most conformed with your desire to avoid confrontation. You basically gave yourself the excuse to act in a passive-aggressive way, internally stressful way.

Yup, you said it better than I did. But agree totally.

 

[luckystar112]

::sigh::

Guess you had to be there. By the way, I was. I know they saw me, as in actually saw me. Multiple times. I know they didn''t think I was changing a diaper as I did not have a toddler with me. I know that they were laughing while talking so they were caught up in pleasant conversation. I know what I saw, and I know what I felt. I was THERE. Please stop assuming that I am making excuses or lying to cover up my insecurities. I may be insecure, but I''m not embellishing the TRUTH.

Thank you kindly!!

 

[curiopotter]

Maybe they thought you didn''t have a curb infront of you? I usually give people the benefit of the doubt for my own sanity..


I know exactly what you mean about learning this stuff from your mom. I absolutely love my mom, but she is a huge complainer, she''s the most impatient person I know, and she throws huge temper tantrums when things don''t go her way. She also doesn''t take responsibility for anything she does wrong, and blames it on everyone else around her. The other day she went on a tirade because there was a mark on the coffee table. She started screaming, and slammed down the hinged lid in a fit of rage. What she didn''t realize is that my nephew (he''s 2) probably left his cup there, or banged on it with a toy.. and it made that mark.

My brother inherited these traits from her, and although he doesn''t become enraged, he does speak his mind pretty rudely.. I, on the other hand, took my demeanor from my father. He''s like a rock, has an unbelievable amount of patience, and it takes a huge amount of discomfort for him to become enraged.

This is something to think about:
I work at a high-end retail store in an extremely affluent area of Houston, and I not only experience impatient, self-absorbed, self-indulgent people all day long, but I also work with some of the biggest complainers I''ve ever known. Sometimes they try to pull me into their ongoing saga while I''m checking out a customer, and I just show them the palm of my hand, and push it toward them to stop, because not only is it absolutely rude to the customer infront of me, but it''s rude to pull me into it! We have cashiers that never stop complaining, and their negative energy really affects my well-being. All day I hear them venting and ranting about "so and so" and I get to the point where I just have to tell them to refocus on their job!

The people that come into our store demand a higher level of service (even though we don''t make commission), and that can be pretty mentally demanding. There''s really nothing I wouldn''t do for our customers, even if they''re being impatient or rude. I realize this is very rare, because most people wouldn''t put up with some of the BS that I do on a weekly basis, but it''s what I get paid for; excellent customer service. Sometimes they get to me, and I cope by excusing myself, and introducing a manager. Otherwise, I''d get sucked into their black hole of drama.

If they would remind themselves that there are people in this world who are starving, who live with disease and drink festering water, then they''d realize the importance of their complaints are dwarfed the real problems of the world.

At least you recognize these traits now before they snow-ball into more serious problems later. That "How to win friends and influence people" book is great by the way.

 

[diamondfan]

Curio, you are so nice I would love to have you wait on me!

I often try to think about how trivial some of the daily annoyances we face are to the big picture, but know also in the moment when I feel really upset, it is hard to be rational. Later on I might think, hey, get over it, it is not that big a deal and you are fine, but during the issue it is not always easy. I do not know how you deal with some of the people you wait on. There are ladies here where I live that I would run screaming from if they came into a place I worked, they are some of the most demanding, self involved, ego focused brats I have ever been around, and to top it off they act that way in front of their kids and treat people who are just trying to do their jobs like total crap. Disgusting to say the least.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:53:34 AM
Author: luckystar112
::sigh::

Guess you had to be there. By the way, I was. I know they saw me, as in actually saw me. Multiple times. I know they didn''t think I was changing a diaper as I did not have a toddler with me. I know that they were laughing while talking so they were caught up in pleasant conversation. I know what I saw, and I know what I felt. I was THERE. Please stop assuming that I am making excuses or lying to cover up my insecurities. I may be insecure, but I''m not embellishing the TRUTH.


Thank you kindly!!

See your fine with confrontation on here.

I know you were there hon. But, and forgive me for pointing this out... what exactly was it about this clearly domestic couple (they were changing diapers for the love of god) having a " pleasant conversation[/b]" that made you think that they were hostile belligerent people who would go crazy at a nicely worded reasonable request to move their car forward a bit???


If they were drunk... it just goes along with my point about the lack of attention. If they weren''t... I don''t see, from your own words, how a couple with a baby laughing together come across as a threat.

It''s just not adding up.

And this is my last post on this, as I don''t want to inspire anyone to baking any pies.

I hope yoga works for you!

 

[InlovewithJHK]

Date: 4/29/2007 6:22:56 PM
Author: diamondfan
I am fairly tolerant but there are days when people acting selfishly or rudely or just plain ignorantly does get on my wood. I try to hold my breath and count to ten BUT I cannot always control being annoyed. There are people who act as if the world revolves around them, and they show no consideration in public towards others. I just cannot take that some days. I also cannot deal with people who throw tantrums.

I was in the grocery store the other night, and a woman was having a major tizz at the check out. She was yelling at the cashier that she is ALLERGIC to the light (which faces the CASHIER) and therefore NONE of her stuff can be scanned via the bar code but must be manually input. I was looking at her like she was an alien. The light from the scanner? Being allergic? And she was flipping out. I just could not fathom what having her item scanned and then bagged would do to her...I think she was just a lunatic and there are checkers there who know this and indulge her and this one did not know the situation. I thought I would burst because I just wanted to tell her to get a grip, but realized she could not possibly be sane and tell that story. Everyone in line looked at her like she was out of her tree.

I know this sounds crazy but some people are actually allergic to light... perhaps the scanner has some of the same qualities as sunlight that regular flourescent store lights don''t have... maybe that is why she was there at night
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeroderma_pigmentosa

I''m not saying she wasn''t a crazy, just putting it out there

!

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 4/30/2007 11:48:24 PM
Author: luckystar112
Well what if you feel like you CAN'T be nice when asking someone to do the obvious?

I mean, in the situation in the parking lot they multiple hints that we were leaving.

1st...when we were walking to our car.
2nd...when we squeezed by them and THEIR car (they were standing outside their car, and they did see us.)
3rd...when we got in our car, which they saw us do as well
4th...when we STARTED our car. Again, they were standing outside their car yapping
5th...when I tapped the breaks to shine the red light on them.

I just didn't feel like I should have to indulge them one last time with an explanation as to exactly what I was trying to do by getting in my truck and turning it on, you know? lol. I just don't think I could have done it nicely at that point.

Luckily, the whole thing does seem trivial now, but it does make me mad that I had to ruin the landscaping at the restaurant.

I also wanted to say, that when I'm driving I do get annoyed...but usually I'm able to get over that in a matter of seconds, unless the person was driving extremely crazy and almost caused an accident. That I don't handle so well.

It's gotten a little better since I've decided not to drive on freeways anymore. (Hey Curio--I drive from Tomball to the Galleria three times a week and don't take a single freeway! Yes, I'm crazy.)

I do vent to my boyfriend a lot...and it is for selfish reasons. I know it bothers him...hey, he offered to PAY for yoga.

But I sometimes think I'm just a complainer. I've been paying attention to myself these last few days and I've noticed that even when starting conversations with people that I don't know I'll use a complaint. For instance, 'can this line get any slower? hehehe' or when chatting with coworkers its usually complaining about a bad table I had or how swamped I am with school. I'm just a complainer!!

I feel really negative sometimes. I think I get it from my mother.

But at the same time both of us try to find the joy in life to even it out. I don't know...I need a new outlet. A different way to vent...a hobby!!! lol

ETA: Since I was 14 I have had anxiety problems. Not depression, but like panic attacks and irrational fears. Do you think that could have anything to do with it?
Which reminds me, no one commented about my 'Brooke from the Real World' comment...lol. Thank GOD I'm not as bad as her. She is so depressing. I really hope I don't come off like that to people.

I didn't see it but I heard about the Oprah where a minister challenged his congregation to stop complaining. He said as a society we complain all the time and we (USA) have it better than anyone in the world. So everyone was supposed to wear a bracelet and every time they complained they had to change wrists. The challenge was to keep it on the same wrist for a certain length of time (I think it was 21 days). Well, for fun I tried it. I think I lasted about 10 minutes the first time! I really do try to be positive and be aware of when I get into a negativity cycle.

Another thing I saw that made an impression on me was to think of three things you are grateful for every night before you go to bed.

Lucky, if you know you have an issue with the negativity and complaining, you can curb it. The anxiety and negativity feed off each other. When I start to get negative I get more anxious. When I'm anxious I get more negative. I am now trying to really try to count my blessings and I find that there are many.

I see my older son picking up all that negativity and becoming negative. That's when it really hits you. When you have to be an example to your kids on how to cope with disappointment, frustration and anger and you see your kids modeling your behavior and attitudes it's a real eye opener. We have really been made aware of this while my husband was unemployed. Talk about stress! We managed very well most of the time, but boy, the kids REALLY pick up on that one time that month we both lost it.

I'm sorry this is getting so long but I really want to share this with you, Lucky. Okay, I'm having a really bad day. I have 10 things I need to do and I've had obstacles to getting them all done and things that should have taken 20 minutes end up taking, like, an hour. So by the time I pick up the kids I've only gotten about half of the things done I really needed to do. My oldest has gotten a 100% on his math test and reminded me of my promise to take him for an ice cream cone. Shoot! Another obstacle. I'm NOT going to get everything done today. So we go to the drive thru and I try to oder a simple chocolate ice cream cone. I repeated my order no less than 4 times. Finally, I impatiently yelled, "How freaking hard is it to order a stupid chocolate ice cream cone!!!!" Well, we pulled up to the window and the guy was retarded. They do employ people there who are in a kind of out reach program. No, it's not wise to put retarded people on the order taking position, but still. The poor guy. I totally humiliated him and I felt like the lowest person on the planet. I sincerely hope no one I know saw this. So the moral of the story is, crap happens. Sometimes you just have to take it as it comes and not get too upset over trivial things, even if they are piled sky high on one given day.

Just as a karmic lesson, I was working in customer service at the time and that night I must have had 4 or 5 really nasty, unpleasant, unreasonable, customers call and tear me a new one. It really does come back to bite ya.

ETA: Are your expectations for yourself realistic? I find I'm more easily annoyed with others when I'm already annoyed with myself for, as above, not being able to accomplish what I've set out to do.

 

[oshinbreez]

It usually takes a lot to annoy me. But Sunday, we were out on the boat. When we were leaving, we were waiting to use the ramp. There are 2 ramps, one on each side of the dock. It comes our turn, and I''m on the deck holding the boat while David goes to get the truck. The other ramp was unoccupied, and some guy pulls down the ramp in front of me to launch his jet skis. When he gets out, he looks at me, see''s me holding the boat, and asks if I''m waiting for someone. DUH....I''m not just holding this boat for the fun of it. Then he says, "Would you like me to move to the other ramp?". Another DUH. Some people are so inconsiderate.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:35:47 AM
Author: diamondfan
I sometimes worry if I will piss off the wrong person, but had an incident in a parking lot and I called the police because a guy came at me screaming and yelling even after I told him my five year old was in the car and he was scaring my son, and HE WAS THE ONE IN THE WRONG. I had not done anything and he was just an impatient total scummy jerk who could not wait the three seconds it took for the person backing out in front of me to back out all the way...she was an older lady and was backing out and did not see me coming down the row to her right because the car parked to her immediate right was a large one... so she was backing out, and I stopped as I was driving down the lane to allow her to continue (and not hit me), plus pedestrians kept crossing in front of my car, just walking in the aisle to get to their cars so I could not just be flying down the row. This guy behind me was pissed that he had to stop when I did and was gesturing rudely and honking. Then he ZOOMED around me into the oncoming lane, screeched into a handicapped space on the other side of the aisle and then ran over at my car screaming and cussing at me...that I needed to learn MANNERS etc, even after I rolled up my window...like I should keep driving when I can see a couple cars ahead of me that someone is backing out, does not see me and will likely hit me, so HE does not have to wait an extra couple of seconds and oh yeah, too bad for the handicapped person who might really need the space (he had tags, might have been an older relative''s car he was using but he was clearly not currently physically impaired in any way)...He looked totally loony, and dirty too, and was screaming filth...and I was about to get out of my car with my son to do an errand that could not be done later, and I thought, forget THIS, and called the police. He scared me and his reaction so so totally not normal in the situation that I just did not want to have an issue with him when I got out with my son and was walking around the center. They waited with me until he left the parking lot...people were coming up to me and asking if I was okay and my son loved the police but kept asking me why the man was screaming at us...

Holy COW, DF, that would have scared the crap out of me. I have had experiences similar to yours (not nearly to that scale or as scarey, though) and I usually try to avoid conflict over this kind of stuff, too, often saying "sorry" when it isn''t even my fault. YIKES! I''m sorry your son had to see that. I''ll bet it was utterly confusing to him.

 

[diamondfan]

Lumpkin, I was afraid, because as I said, I really had no choice but to stop, or the woman would have backed up into me. I had seen her getting in her car, she was older, and even if I had honked she might not have heard me or been confused. Also, with people sort of milliing around, including people with strollers and kids, I certainly could not just keep driving along. He went totally ballistic and seemed really nutty...yes, it might bother you if you had to stop and you might not be able to see why, but it was literally 45 seconds or so, and I just cannot imagine someone acting like a crazy person over that, especially when you then could see the car or kids that caused the delay. This guy went off so totally that I knew he was not okay and I was not about to get out of my car and endanger my son or myself. I could tell he was not from the area and he was beyond the pale...

 

[Mara]

well gypsy you know what they say about 'assuming' right? hehe.

i always say 'you never know til you ask'. whatever it is, people just have to ask for it. the answer can always be no. and if it is, just move on with life and at least you got out there and asked for what you wanted. but if the answer is yes..then you got whatever you wanted and you are happy, i find this happens more often than the no part. what's the harm in asking. it really can be about the delivery as well.

as for the original poster not liking where people go with this whole thread...i kind of liken it to the original post where she says she feels like she sometimes gets too angry about stuff or whatever. this is a public forum, when you post something like this, you will get a ton of opinions and posts, some people may find insulting, others find them educating, whatever.

seems like this thread could be a nice lesson in how to be more zen about things and not get upset about what people might be saying, right? hehe.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/1/2007 9:51:24 AM
Author: oshinbreez
It usually takes a lot to annoy me. But Sunday, we were out on the boat. When we were leaving, we were waiting to use the ramp. There are 2 ramps, one on each side of the dock. It comes our turn, and I''m on the deck holding the boat while David goes to get the truck. The other ramp was unoccupied, and some guy pulls down the ramp in front of me to launch his jet skis. When he gets out, he looks at me, see''s me holding the boat, and asks if I''m waiting for someone. DUH....I''m not just holding this boat for the fun of it. Then he says, ''Would you like me to move to the other ramp?''. Another DUH. Some people are so inconsiderate.

Say WHA??? I think he WAS CONSIDERATE ... he took the initiative to at least ASK. You could have spoken up when you way him coming .."Hi there -- I''m waiting to use this launch actually ... would you mind using the other one?"

It''s not his job to read your mind, or read YOUR situation. Geez. Saying "No" to you and jumping ahead ONCE he knew you were waiting would be RUDE & INCONSIDERATE. Not assessing the situation accurately is just HUMAN.

 

[luckystar112]

Gypsy: I had my big bad computer to protect me!

But I agree that it is wrong for me to judge someone''s character strictly on their appearance. Which is why I didn''t want to get too much into it in case I offend someone. They were probably around my age (23). It was midnight...they were coming from a place where alcohol was served...with their kids. (So that was my first hint that they might not have the best judgement.) Like I said before, the guy looked sort of "hardcore". The two women...just kind of trashy. They just looked like a bunch of trashy people who couldn''t find a sitter but wanted to go out for a beer. I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe they went out for a family meal at midnight, but it just seems so unlikely. Like I said, I know it is wrong to judge when you don''t even know someone, but it''s not like my boyfriend jumped out of the car to ask them to move either...and I think that says something. We did contemplate it though.

Mara: I totally agree. If I didn''t want opinions I shouldn''t have posted here.
I do think I get annoyed easily. (Maybe anger was the wrong word.) I do get worked up easier than my boyfriend too. Maybe it makes me feel like I''m overreacting when I''m not...or maybe I am?! I don''t know. I just know I need to change it. As for earlier....

Say you walked out to your back yard and saw that your apple tree was full of apples.
You come on here and tell everyone. Then they ask you questions...

"Are you sure they were apples?"
"Why are you assuming they weren''t oranges?
"Maybe since it was dark outside they just looked like apples. Maybe they were really plums."
"Maybe you just really WANT them to be apples, ever think of that?"
"You should have just bitten into it to make sure...I think you''re making it up."

You know they were apples. You stood in front of them. You saw their shape. You saw how red they were. Sometimes an apple is just an apple! lol.

But yes, I am enjoying this thread and appreciate everyone''s opinions whether I agree with them or not. And I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to post.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:19:23 AM
Author: luckystar112
I guess its hard to believe that people can be that rude...but I can assure you one more time that they knew we were leaving. Even when I was shining my break lights on them I was turned around to see their expression and one of the adults (male) looked at our truck and then went right on talking. I''m guessing he wasn''t saying ''hey guys, maybe we should get out of the way'' because they didn''t take any action to do so afterwards. I wish I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they were just ''oblivious'' but....no....they (or at least just the guy) were just rude and obviously felt like we could wait another minute or twenty for them to finish their conversation. Not to mention that being oblivious to others is just a nicer way of saying ''rude'' in the first place. I''m not sure that they all arrived to the restaurant together...I''m under the impression that they were probably just friends saying a long goodbye in the parking lot, or maybe as one of the cars was leaving they ran into someone they knew. Maybe the other person had parked and was going to the restaurant as the other was leaving...I have no idea.

So yeah. I realize the practical thing to do would have been to roll down the window and ask them to move...but like I said before I don''t know if I could have said it nicely. That''s why I was wondering if anxiety/irrational fears could have anything to do with it. Because when I was contemplating telling them to move these were my thoughts:

Am I going to be able to ask nicely? (Most likely, no. Not after all of that.)
If I don''t say it nicely, what if they get offended and start an argument?
What if we banter back and forth and then it escalates? Is it worth it?
They looked kind of white-trashy. (I hope I don''t offend anyone by this.) The guy looked like a wanna-be gangsta...are these people that I can rationalize with?


decodedelighted:
I think I''m going to check out some of those books. I honestly do think I get it from my mother. I don''t know how to stop!

This is a really interesting thread, and I hope that no one is getting too offended (especially Lucky). It''s just points of view. Hopefully, we can view each other''s opinions and give them some thought, trying not to be offended and trying not to offend.

I have to say, if you didn''t think you could ask nicely, then it was probably better not to go speak with them. (Sometimes a little bit of cool-down time helps - deep breaths - before speaking to people.)

Same goes, if you were afraid of them or afraid of the type of confrontation that would ensue. I wasn''t there, so I don''t know how unsavoury they looked.

Addressing strangers is a tricky thing. If you''re too formal, "Excuse me sir", the person might think you''re a snob. If you do a "hey, buddy", they may think you''re overly familiar. My brother gets the "hey, boss" from his mechanic and says it''s rude. I see it as just friendly.

The one thing I believe in, is that if people are out of line, you need to call them on it. Otherwise, they will just continue their behaviour and inconvenience everyone else. Avoid doing this if you think you''ll be assaulted People may choose to ignore me, but I feel that I did what I had to do. That''s the assertiveness thing - exercising what you have control over. You can''t necessarily change others'' behaviour, but you can always speak up yourself.

Z.

 

[TravelingGal]

Lucky, I agree with Gypsy, Mara, Kaleigh, et al.

As much you are swearing up and down that you know the truth - the simple fact of the matter is you do not because you never confronted them. Have you ever been in a bad mood with your partner and he says something innocuous that rubs you the wrong way when it normally wouldn''t? When irritated or annoyed, you see and hear things and take it negatively more often than you normally would. This is pretty human behavior, I think.

Your insistence that your side of the story is "truth" just from this thread is very indicative that you may have a hard time assessing and situation and looking at yourself and your actions in real life. You have not once said "perhaps I made a mistake...I should give them a benefit of the doubt. Next time I will do that."

This doesn''t make you a bad person...so please don''t feel like this is attack. I love my husband to death and you two sound a lot alike. When you said "I just didn''t feel like I should have to indulge them one last time with an explanation as to exactly what I was trying to do by getting in my truck and turning it on, you know?" I could hear TGuy saying the same thing. Well, this attitude of "I don''t feel I should have to indulge them" is part of the problem - the world does not work the way YOU think it should.

It''s an ongoing issue with TGuy and myself. When I try to gently show him a different perspective, he gets defensive - hurt because he thinks I may see him as a bad person. He says "this is the way I am." But it is not, because I have seen him change a lot in the last two years. I never insisted on the change (I don''t believe you should go into a marriage thinking you can change a PERSON, but you can help them see some actions are better than others - and that those actions RESOLVE the situation much better). Case in point...we have to tandem park in our apartment. There were two cars were parked closely together next to our cars and instead of going around the outside car, he forced his way awkwardly through with his bag (potentially scratching the bumper). I just gave him this look like "what the hell are you doing?" He just looked annoyed and said "Well maybe next time they''ll leave some room between cars!"

I was just floored. First of all, I doubt they were being sinister in thinking, "ah ha! Let''s put our cars so close together, it will inconvenience others." Secondly, I pointed out that we park closely all the time. To which he answered "Who needs to get around our cars?" (our cars are situated that we are on the end of a set of doors so he''s right...to a point). But in the end, he doesn''t KNOW for sure if people need to get around our cars or not and seemed to think the world should live for his convenience.

Personally, I would have just taken the bloody bag and walked around that outside car. But we''re working on it....

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/1/2007 11:45:16 AM
Author: luckystar112

Say you walked out to your back yard and saw that your apple tree was full of apples.
You come on here and tell everyone. Then they ask you questions...

''Are you sure they were apples?''
''Why are you assuming they weren''t oranges?
''Maybe since it was dark outside they just looked like apples. Maybe they were really plums.''
''Maybe you just really WANT them to be apples, ever think of that?''
''You should have just bitten into it to make sure...I think you''re making it up.''

You know they were apples. You stood in front of them. You saw their shape. You saw how red they were. Sometimes an apple is just an apple! lol.

But yes, I am enjoying this thread and appreciate everyone''s opinions whether I agree with them or not. And I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to post.

LOL, I had to laugh when I read this. Apples ARE quite obviously apples. If you see an apple, we can be pretty sure what they will look like on the outside and what they will taste like.

If you see someone that looks a little unsavory, you have NO WAY of really knowing what they are like on the inside. And if we really want to pick up and run with your analogy for the sake of argument, you are saying you saw an apple sitting there, and you KNOW without a doubt that the apple is going to be SOUR. Or perhaps you might say the apple looked a little bruised and icky, and therefore isn''t worth your time...

But it could have been turned into a lovely applesauce.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Lucky,

Have to say this. I didn''t know you were only 23! (Shortcomings of this medium.) I know a lot of the replies look critical, but the fact that you''re addressing these issues at the age of 23 is very admirable. I''m 43, have worked as a manager, and had lots of opportunities to develop what works in social situations. Full marks for recognizing there might be an issue and wondering if there''s something to do about it. Good luck.

Z.

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks Zd!

Basically it just seems like everyone is saying I should have given them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I should have. But I was giving them the benefit of the doubt by waiting to see if they'd move. (Annoyed the whole time, yes.) It's ironic because it's not exactly like anyone is giving ME the benefit of the doubt when I say that I didn't feel comfortable confronting them. Whether it was how they looked, how I would would have said it...the time of night...the fact that there was alcohol involved--whatever the case may be. I didn't feel comfortable and apparently neither did my boyfried, so I didn't say anything. And I'm not so sure that if any of the "doubters" were in my shoes they would have said anything either. But who knows.

As obvious as an apple is an apple in my scenario, that's how obvious it was to me that it was better to keep my mouth shut and wait. And if I were able to rewind to that night and do it again, even after all of this "you don't know till you try" talk, I can still pretty much guarantee I wouldn't confront them. I think I made the right decision. Piss me off? Of course...but I didn't know those people.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:11:32 PM
Author: luckystar112
Thanks Zd!

Basically it just seems like everyone is saying I should have given them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I should have. But I was giving them the benefit of the doubt by waiting to see if they''d move. (Annoyed the whole time, yes.) It''s ironic because it''s not exactly like anyone is giving ME the benefit of the doubt when I say that I didn''t feel comfortable confronting them. Whether it was how they looked, how I would would have said it...the time of night...the fact that there was alcohol involved--whatever the case may be. I didn''t feel comfortable and apparently neither did my boyfried, so I didn''t say anything. And I''m not so sure that if any of the ''doubters'' were in my shoes they would have said anything either. But who knows.

As obvious as an apple is an apple in my scenario, that''s how obvious it was to me that it was better to keep my mouth shut and wait. And if I were able to rewind to that night and do it again, even after all of this ''you don''t know till you try'' talk, I can still pretty much guarantee I wouldn''t confront them. I think I made the right decision. Piss me off? Of course...but I didn''t know those people.

Luckystar, I do think people are giving you the benefit of the doubt. And at the end of the day, no one can dispute the fact that you felt uncomfortable, as only you know how you feel, and that factored into how all this played out.

And I can tell you now, I would have gotten out and said something. I''ve been in your shoes before where someone is in my way. I asked them politely to move. No big deal and problem solved.

Even in your post above, you are quick to point the finger at someone else. "Gosh, maybe I should have given them the benefit of the doubt...but YOU are all not giving ME the benefit of the doubt." Complain complain complain. Me me me.

You asked for people''s two cents when you asked "How do I stop this?" People are trying to help by offering their insight, playing devil''s advocate, etc. But you still maintain you made the right decision...and at the end of the day, it''s your life.

 

[curiopotter]

lucky,

lol, I just re-read that post where you said you drive from Tomball to Houston without taking the freeways. I don't blame you, but I always thought the ride into town from the northside wasn't that packed until you hit 59 and 45. That's insane, it must take you 2 hours!

I'm in Sugar Land, so the ride up to UH every morning is exhausting. I can only imagine what it's like for you.

 

[Miranda]

I have not read all three pages of replies, but, I can say that I believe anger stems from a victim mentality. My sister has a bit of trouble controlling her anger. Now, she''s not violent or anything, but, she is FOR SURE passive aggressive. She kind of has the attitude that everyone is out to get her and make her mad...Be it her husband, kids, someone in the parking lot, wherever. I try to remind her that she is in control of her actions at all times.

Look at it this way, yes, the folks were blocking you. You made the CHOICE not to say anything. Be OK with that. I think you need to feel more in control of your own life and some of these things may stop happening. I''m not saying a change in thinking is easy, but, what is the alternative? Feeling frustrated and angry much of the time? Nor am I saying you won''t ever feel angry. If you feel angry and agitated a lot, the problem is probably not ''other people'' but it is probably you. Good luck.

PS I have a very dry and direct way of writing (and speaking for that matter). I hope I have not offended you as that was not my intent. I assumed you were reaching out for advice or many sided opinions when this was posted on a pubic internet board.

 

[luckystar112]

TG-- Not trying to be a complainer....just a little defensive at this point is all. Not trying to point fingers at all, I just think people should practice what they preach. Since the original post is in reference to changing ME I think I can refer to me on here. But I feel like people are implying that the whole thing was my fault because I didn''t just get out of my car like a strong confident individual and tell them to move. If I didn''t feel comfortable then what should I have done? Wait some more? Drive over the median? Well, it didn''t happen that way and I can''t change it now even if I wanted to. Shoulda woulda coulda. But in the future if I am put in another situation where I am annoyed but don''t feel comfortable with confrontation I may try to look at things differently. Looking back on this it seem so trivial at this point, I really can''t even believe I''m still talking about it. But this was just one incident in a larger problem, which is what I was trying to get to the root of.

I''m trying to think if I ever use confrontation in other scenarios. I don''t really ever feel like I need to. If someone is blocking a grocery store aisle with their cart I usually just leave the aisle and go all the way around. If I''m buying one thing in the 10 items or less line and the person in front of me has 30 items I usually don''t say anything. Are these scenarios where I should say something?! Maybe with the aisle blocker I should say something, I just feel like its easier for me to go around when it would probably be much easier for me to tell them just to move. I don''t know what I''m so afraid of. (With the exception of the parking lot situation!)

 

[luckystar112]

Miranda I really appreciate your response.


Most of the day I am fine. When I am at school...with friends...with my boyfriend.
However, when I''m driving, when I see people breaking rules on purpose in a situation that could affect me, when people are rude, and when people are oblivious--that is when I start to get tense. Confrontation to me really depends on who I''ll be confronting. I can confront people younger than me no problem. People that are older than me, I sort of feel like I''m the punk kid in the situation and I should "respect my elders" even if they are in the wrong. At my job, I am trained to have tolerance for annoyances, and if I get annoyed I am not allowed to say anything. (Insert picture of parents letting their kids remove wrappers from all the straws and opening every packet of sugar without saying anything....or kids running around my legs while I''m carrying a tray of 10 drinks.)

Maybe since it''s NOT okay for me to vent in places where I spend a large amount of time, I sweat the small stuff when I''m in a situation where I''m allowed to. You know what I mean? It''s not that I think everyone is out to get me.