Are you annoyed easily?

[allycat0303]

I don''t get annoyed easily unless I feel like someone is being personally disrespectful to me for some reason. For example I was at Costco and the employer rushed up to me and said "show me your member card now because you have no right to be here if you don''t have it" uhmm.....ok robo-cop, I was with my friend who DID have a member card and I was just walking down an aisle doing absolutely nothing wrong, and I was totally insulted and complained to the manager.

But inconsiderations rarely bother me, if someone drives badly, bumps into me, or butts in front of me in line, I don''t get worked up. But when I do get angry, watch out!

Actually I have a friend who gets annoyed at random people in our class. We work a lot in small groups and she''ll find things annoying about the way people talk etc. I''m pretty much only intrested in whether a person is a GOOD person. If I think you''re a good person, nothing you do/say is going to annoy me.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Date: 5/1/2007 1:40:07 PM
Author: luckystar112
TG-- Not trying to be a complainer....just a little defensive at this point is all. Not trying to point fingers at all, I just think people should practice what they preach. Since the original post is in reference to changing ME I think I can refer to me on here. But I feel like people are implying that the whole thing was my fault because I didn''t just get out of my car like a strong confident individual and tell them to move. If I didn''t feel comfortable then what should I have done? Wait some more? Drive over the median? Well, it didn''t happen that way and I can''t change it now even if I wanted to. Shoulda woulda coulda. But in the future if I am put in another situation where I am annoyed but don''t feel comfortable with confrontation I may try to look at things differently. Looking back on this it seem so trivial at this point, I really can''t even believe I''m still talking about it. But this was just one incident in a larger problem, which is what I was trying to get to the root of.

I''m trying to think if I ever use confrontation in other scenarios. I don''t really ever feel like I need to. If someone is blocking a grocery store aisle with their cart I usually just leave the aisle and go all the way around. If I''m buying one thing in the 10 items or less line and the person in front of me has 30 items I usually don''t say anything. Are these scenarios where I should say something?! Maybe with the aisle blocker I should say something, I just feel like its easier for me to go around when it would probably be much easier for me to tell them just to move. I don''t know what I''m so afraid of. (With the exception of the parking lot situation!)

Help, I''m hooked on this thread!

Again I applaud you for giving thought to this. In the scenarios you describe, the question for me is how much are you being inconvenienced. If it''s a slight detour in a aisleway, ok. If I have to go a long way around just to get a very short way past a single person with a cart, I do myself the favour of saying (nicely), "excuse me, can I get by?" Saying you never have to confront anyone sounds like a bit of avoidance in action, especially when we all conclude that clueless people are everywhere

If you were blocked on both sides, would you wait or say something? I would wait a little bit, but would say something if no one was taking notice of me. If someone has way too many items in the express line, I think I would have to say something (but this is never a comfortable situation). A few items, ok. But 30 items? It''s just too unfair not to say something - they get a fast line because people ahead all have fewer items, and they''re slowing everyone down behind them. You don''t want to be one of those people that just mutters under their breath or makes faces but doesn''t say anything. That''s a victim mentality - too sheep-like (as we say at work). Think of how much happier you would be, if you took the opportunity to make bad things better for yourself!

You''ve found the perfect place to practise these new strategies. The grocery store! Start with the aisleways, that''s easier than confronting people in checkout lines

Z.

 

[fire&ice]

Frustration is truly born out of expectations of others who don''t do as we expect. If one expects a person to react a certain way, then one must just plain and simple ASK them. Being annoyed can easily come from the lack of desired result. We aren''t mind readers. Cues can missed, ignored, etc. Asking someone to do what you want them to do can''t.

Simply stating your objective really is cathartic & is a win win for everyone.

Classic passive agressive response - Yesterday I went to copy our VA taxes. There was only one copier. A women was by the copier with about 100 pages beside her. I assumed she was just sorting her copies. I should have asked *her* if she was done (my lack of communication of the situation). Instead, I asked the clerk if the copy machine was available to copy. She said yes. I started to copy & the women - instead of saying - "excuse me, but I was using the copier". I would have been fine with waiting. She shouts, "Well, I guess YOUR copies are more important than MINE. Pleae go ahead with your sense of urgency to copy FIRST!" I let her VERY ugly comment ring a little & with tilted head exclaimed "I didn''t realize you were still copying. You were first. Go right ahead." Dr. Joy Brown has this lovely comment she makes to people in exactly the same situation. She calls it the "be Stupid & Cheerful" approach.

My point - I wasn''t annoyed at the fact that she was using the copier. But, her passive agressive comment made me annoyed.

Again, just a simple misunderstanding that could have been easily handled with communication on both of our parts. Clearly, she thought it was obvious that she was in the middle of copying. Clearly, I thought she was done. I should have asked. But, the way she responded to the situation was toxic to all of us.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 5/1/2007 5:00:05 PM
Author: fire&ice

She shouts, ''Well, I guess YOUR copies are more important than MINE. Pleae go ahead with your sense of urgency to copy FIRST!''

I would have said yes they are thank you, ignored her, finished and left.
I dont mind cuz she dont matter.

 

[cutes814]

lucky, i used to act exactly like you do. i constantly assumed people knew better or they must''ve seen me or know that i am waiting for them. all the meanwhile getting more pissed because they are idiots! my passive aggressive behavior got me nowhere and only hurt me. i would sit there and fume, like you do. i got annoyed easily over small things. i would always think, "what the hell is wrong with them? why don''t they do this? omg, it''s common sense!!" but you know what? common sense isn''t that common...

then i would say, "if it was me, i would do it." well, you know what? not everyone is like me so i can''t expect them to do what i think i would do myself.

my mom is like that so i know i get it from her, plus being raised in an environment with that kind of behavior really hammers those bad habits into your head. it took me almost five years to change the way i was thinking and the way i dealt with "annoying" situations. my hubby was the one who helped me during this process.

i realized the world does not revolve around me and sh*t happens. people will continue to be who they are. they cannot read my mind. i cannot expect them to do something if i don''t ask for it first. even if it was something trivial and might seem like the common sense thing to do.

after all these years, i''ve noticed i am a MUCH MUCH happier person now. just remember the next time you''re starting to feel annoyed, slow down a sec, take a deep breath and ask yourself how YOU can make the situation better because YOU CAN.

take it one step at a time, because you can''t change this overnight, nor over a few years. it takes a lot of time. even now, sometimes i catch myself acting in my old ways. it''s okay to let it happen once in awhile, but when it happens often, it affects the aura around you and most importantly it affects you.




oh, on a side note regarding the yelling in the car at people that can''t even hear you. i think everyone does it! some do it more often than others. i am definitely one of the people that like to "comment" on the way people drive. hehehe