Are you changing your name?

[AmberWaves]

This reminds me, has anyone seen that "Friends" episode where Phoebe wants to go change her name to her husband''s but then when she gets there, she gets crazy and changes it to "Princess Consuela Bananahammock", and because her husband is so pissed off about that, he changes his name to Crap Bag? Also in that episode Chandler finds out Monica never changed her name from Monica Geller to Monica Bing (who would, really?). I love that episode.

 

[njc]

Date: 11/23/2005 10:24:01 AM
Author: ky6
Albicocca-

I am also thinking about doing the myfirst mymid mylast hislast combo. But I am confused on how to technically do that. Will I have two middle names (mymid mylast) or two last names (mylast hislast). I would like to keep my last somewhere in my name for professional use (currently known as myfirst mymidinitial mylast). If I change it legally to the four name combo, does that mean I can choose any combination of those names to go by personally or professionally? I am worried that if I legally change it to two last names then I cannot drop mylast when I want and be myfirst hislast. How are you doing it? How did your mother do it?

For the sake of being easy, my legal "maiden name" is Mary Elizabeth Jones and I have always been called Lizzy Jones. Cant drop Elizabeth b/c thats where my nickname comes from, and dont want to drop my first name because its a family name. The women in my family always drop the middle names. DHs family drops the maiden name.

I was going to do the whole, just move everything over and add in my married name (Smith) too, but once i got down to it, having to write Mary Elizabeth Jones Smith seemed too much to me. So yesterday i officially changed my name to Mary Elizabeth Smith. Since no one really calls me that anyways (except the government!) I am going to use Lizzy Jones Smith for work, for social for anything that isnt really important/legal.

Besides the whole being a REALLY long name, one of my friends crammed everything in together and wishes she had dropped her middle name, but she cant now unless she gets a court order! So, before you change your name, make sure its 100% what you want.

I hope that makes sense and helps a little bit.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 11/23/2005 12:51:16 PM
Author: njc

Date: 11/23/2005 10:24:01 AM

Author: ky6

Albicocca-

I am also thinking about doing the myfirst mymid mylast hislast combo. But I am confused on how to technically do that. Will I have two middle names (mymid mylast) or two last names (mylast hislast). I would like to keep my last somewhere in my name for professional use (currently known as myfirst mymidinitial mylast). If I change it legally to the four name combo, does that mean I can choose any combination of those names to go by personally or professionally? I am worried that if I legally change it to two last names then I cannot drop mylast when I want and be myfirst hislast. How are you doing it? How did your mother do it?

For the sake of being easy, my legal ''maiden name'' is Mary Elizabeth Jones and I have always been called Lizzy Jones. Cant drop Elizabeth b/c thats where my nickname comes from, and dont want to drop my first name because its a family name. The women in my family always drop the middle names. DHs family drops the maiden name.

I was going to do the whole, just move everything over and add in my married name (Smith) too, but once i got down to it, having to write Mary Elizabeth Jones Smith seemed too much to me. So yesterday i officially changed my name to Mary Elizabeth Smith. Since no one really calls me that anyways (except the government!) I am going to use Lizzy Jones Smith for work, for social for anything that isnt really important/legal.

Besides the whole being a REALLY long name, one of my friends crammed everything in together and wishes she had dropped her middle name, but she cant now unless she gets a court order! So, before you change your name, make sure its 100% what you want.

I hope that makes sense and helps a little bit.

Yeah, I really have no idea how it would work logistically...since so many things just have a middle initial or blank and no room for two. I think my mom just goes by HerFirst HerLast HisLast when there are three and doesn''t write her middle initial unless there is room for all four names. I think I''d probably just do that even though my "middle initial" would then be different from one form to the next depending on if there was room for a maiden name or not. Of course that wouldn''t work for NJC but I think my current middle name is the least identifying portion of my name, so would be the easiest to not mention.

Even though, like MelissaSue, all of my screennames/email addresses are my FirstNameMiddleName together. Oh well!

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 11/23/2005 10:52:45 AM
Author: AmberWaves
This reminds me, has anyone seen that ''Friends'' episode where Phoebe wants to go change her name to her husband''s but then when she gets there, she gets crazy and changes it to ''Princess Consuela Bananahammock'', and because her husband is so pissed off about that, he changes his name to Crap Bag? Also in that episode Chandler finds out Monica never changed her name from Monica Geller to Monica Bing (who would, really?). I love that episode.

Hehehe, yeah Amber, that was great. Really captured the absurdity of it all perfectly!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This has been a very sensitive topic not because I ever wanted to keep my maiden name my last name but I am going to (much to his dismay) keep my maiden name as my middle name and drop my middle name. My grandmothers and mom did this an I like this tradition. My middle name doesn''t mean much to me but my last name means a lot. It is uncommon and I like it so I will be Sarah Maiden Name Married Name.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 11/23/2005 11:36:27 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
This has been a very sensitive topic not because I ever wanted to keep my maiden name my last name but I am going to (much to his dismay) keep my maiden name as my middle name and drop my middle name. My grandmothers and mom did this an I like this tradition. My middle name doesn''t mean much to me but my last name means a lot. It is uncommon and I like it so I will be Sarah Maiden Name Married Name.

I did this as well as I didn''t have a middle name and still wanted my maiden name somewhere represented. My grandmother was tickled pink when I did this and didn''t even realize what I had done until she saw my Master''s degree hanging on my wall showing my "First Maiden Last" name on my diploma.

 

[omc]

too many replies to read it all!!!! so I''ll just quit reading on page 3 and give my opinion, hehe.



I will take my husband''s last name, without a doubt, no matter what it is. I used to not like my last name because it was so different, but now I LOVE it. Everybody thinks it''s such a neat name, and I will really miss it and the name connection to my family. However, my HUSBAND will be my new family. That is something I don''t get about some people, not necessarily with the name change, but in a lot of aspects of marriage. I believe when you get married, that man is your family. Your parents and siblings are still family of course, but that man is your immediate family. family. not busness partner, not roommate, not co-parent, not someone to share the bills with, but family. Lots of families have different last names within the family, so I''m not saying you can''t be a family without sharing a name. I just don''t like the idea of choosing your old family over the new. I will choose my husband.

I won''t use my last name because I go by my middle name and my first name is a family name, so I don''t want to lose either. My first name is actually a name handed down for generations from my mom''s side, and has a shot at getting handed down to one of my sisters'' children. In fact, since I only have sisters, and my dad''s the only boy, my last name is going to end with my sisters and I, and the first name from my mother''s side is probably going to be passed on. How''s that for all you "femenists"!!

 

[anchor31]

Under Québec''s law since April 1981, both spouses keep their given names and last names and continue using those names when exercising their civil rights (contracts, credit cards, driver''s license, etc.).

So, I can''t legally change my name. I could use it in my everyday life, and I guess I wouldn''t mind, as long as it doesn''t get confusing...

 

[picky]

omc wrote:

How''s that for all you "femenists"!!

Well I don''t know. Learn how to spell it right, and we''ll let you know.

Sorry couldn''t resist.

 

[MINE!!]

I have my First name
My madien as my middle
And his last as my last.

My children have their fathers last name. Just as I have my fathers last name, just as my mother had her fathers last name. etc etc.

I think it is a matter of tradtion and organization.

 

[tanyak]

I'm not, and I never really thought I would. I know a lot of times when women decide to keep their name, it seems they are expected to give a list of reasons why. I don't really have a list ... I just think it's a cool name with a wacky history. For example, my paternal grandma spells it with one fewer letter than I do! (I still don't know how that happened). And among my grandma and her six or seven kids (my aunt and uncles), the name is pronounced FOUR different ways! Wacky, I tell ya! And the thing is, I'm not really close to my dad or anyone of that side of the family. My mom, who took my dad's name, has since remarried and changed her name again. So it's not like I'm hanging on for family reasons. It's just a cool name (IMO), end of story.

My fiance and I had a huge and I mean huge fight about this years ago (way before we were engaged). I said I would change my name if he changed his. "What? Men don't do that!" Whatever. He also has a cool last name that he is understandably proud of. After we got engaged last year, I told him "I'm still not changing my name." He wanted to know what name our kids would have. I told they would have his. He was cool with that. I don't think he's completely thrilled with my choice, but it certainly isn't a deal-breaker. Yay for him!

BTW, my last name is eight letters and his is 10, so using both is slightly out of the question.

 

[curlygirl]

I''ve been holding back on replying to this thread but now I''m going to take the plunge! I''m keeping my name. I had always thought that I would change it as it is long--9 letters--but now that I am in my 30s, it''s just who I am and I can''t imagine changing it. Also, it''s just my sister and me in our family so nobody will be carrying on our name if we change to our husband''s name. My last name is part of who I am. It helps me identify with my family and my rich culture. The other thing is that my fiance has NO relationship with his father, hasn''t heard from him in over 20 years. So I don''t feel comfortable taking on the name of a man and a family that are not a part of our lives. Yes, it''s my fiance''s last name but he''s not so attached to it either because he doesn''t have any contact with his father''s family. And my first name kind of rhymes with his last name so I think it would just sound soooo goofy!! When we have children? I''m not sure what will happen. I assume they will take their father''s last name and maybe use mine as a middle name but haven''t decided yet.

It certainly is interesting to hear all the different points of view on this topic. I can''t say I disagree with anyone''s reasons for making their choices because it''s such a personal thing and there really is no right or wrong. Variety is the spice of life!

 

[omc]

Date: 11/27/2005 7:44:11 AM
Author: Prisms
omc wrote:

How''s that for all you ''femenists''!!

Well I don''t know. Learn how to spell it right, and we''ll let you know.

Sorry couldn''t resist.

I saw that I misspelled it, but I was too lazy to change it. [/yawn]

 

[SeattleSparkle]

This post is so buried, I doubt anyone will read it but I thought I''d give my opinion too ....

"A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet ..."

So I am not wrapped up in changing my name or keeping it. I don''t really think it matters. Your first name is your real identifier, your last name is probably just your father''s anyway. Keep father''s name or take husband''s name? Its someone else''s name regardless so I don''t really care. My father was adopted my his step-father anyway so its not even the "family name" if you know what I mean.

To make things easy, if I ever get married, I''ll probably just take his name. It shows that we are on the same team and that''s a good enough reason for me.

Happy Holidays!

 

[monarch64]

WOW...what a great subject and such a thought-provoking one, obviously. When I got married two plus years ago, the thought of not changing my name crossed my mind, but I knew my husband would never go for it, as he''s pretty old fashioned. I am a product of the critical-thinking, women''s studies ciricculum at a state university, and consider myself a feminist. However, my maiden name was Stigall, his was Owen. If I had a nickel for every time in my life someone asked me how to pronounce my maiden name, or pronounced it wrong....

I think it''s so neat that women today are questioning the reasons why we change our names to our spouse''s, and are so opinionated and ballsy about how they are going to name their future children! I love it! I think that there are so many creative and personal ideas out there, and it reminds me of how all of our United States "last" names came to be in the first place. After all, we are a melting pot (I know some pricescopers aren''t from the U.S., sorry!, don''t mean to exclude you!) and when you look back at the history of why we even have the last names that we do, some of us have only had the same last name in our families for a few hundred (if even that long) years! It seems to me that this 20-something generation is kind of backlashing toward changing things again, which I love, it means we are all one step closer to another kind of change, which is good! (Especially for anyone watching "Commander in Chief")

My husband found out shortly after we started dating 4 years ago that his last name really wasn''t supposed to be his last name. His father is the product of an illegitimate affair between a Virginian (1st gen. English) and a 1st gen. Italian. The two split up after the Virginian''s (his paternal g.mother) family ran the Italian and his fam. out of their small Southern town...she later married a man with the last name of Owen. To this day (she is still living, 95) she doesn''t want any of the family members to know of her "indescretion" until she dies. My husband''s father has known for a few years that he never knew his real father and finally told my husband shortly after we met. It was kind of, for me, what''s in a name? Does the name make the man? Does the name make the woman? It is still a question, but for all intents and purposes, does it really matter in this short lifespan we all have??? Will our children really care deeply that someone so long ago made a mistake? Hmmm. I am still mulling it over and I''m sure my husband is too, as well as his father and two sisters, who now know.

The only name I''m going to worry about is that my future daughter (if I end up having one) has a "Neva" somewhere in her name. That was my maternal grandmother''s first name, and my mother''s middle name. Not only do I love the name itself, I never got to meet my grandmother and would love to link her back to my family. I would also, on the same note, honor any of my husband''s desires to name a male baby whatever he has the same kind of thoughts on...his middle name, last name, etc.

I loved hearing everyone''s point of view. What a great thread this has turned into!

Respect to all!

 

[Mimikins24]

It is such a personal choice whether to keep your name or not. For me, it is really a no-brainer though. I am about to embark on a career (only 1.5 years of school to go!!!) where my family name is well known and very well respected. My mom told me growing up that she regretted not keeping her maiden name as well, so it is something I have always been conscious of. At the same time, I would still love to have the same last name as my bf --- hopefully soon to be fiance!!! My suggestion to him (and my ideal scenario) is to both hyphenate our names. He is open to the suggestion on the condition that I let him pick the order of our names (likely his first, which is no problem with me.

Strangely, when I share this suggestion with others, I often get comments like "Not another hyphenator" or "What happens if your kids marry another hyphen". I understand that this may not be the best choice for some couples, but it seems like a great way to keep my name and show my association to my husband. It''s likely not practical for couples with long last names, but thankfully we only have 8 letters worth of last name between the 2 of us!!!

 

[snuga]

Ok.. I think I''m totally different..

I don''t have a middle name, so I want to move my last name to my middle name and take his last name. My boyfriend wants me to keep both my maiden name and his last name as my last name and he wants to take both also. If we have children, they would have both names and so would we.

I don''t know what I will do yet. Has anyone had this happen where your boyfriend/fiance/husband wanted to take your name too?

Any Advice?

 

[leeenie]

Date: 11/30/2005 12:58:50 PM
Author: kalispera
Ok.. I think I''m totally different..

I don''t know what I will do yet. Has anyone had this happen where your boyfriend/fiance/husband wanted to take your name too?

I''m not personally doing it, but I had a teacher who did that with his wife - he still went by his "original" name at school, but legally, they both had the last name of "her maiden name + his name." Can''t remember if they hyphenated it or not. I think that it''s a nice symbolic touch even though it probably won''t have any real effect on your life.

Personally, I don''t plan to change my name, and fiance doesn''t care - not because I love my last name either. It would be nice to have the same name, and the same name as our kids (assuming it will be his name), but for some reason I just feel opposed to the tradition of the woman always being integrated into the man. Maybe that will change, who knows. But for now, I don''t plan on being introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. his-first-name his-last-name" at our wedding and feel a little creeped out by that being used in other contexts, like invitations and various name listings. "Mrs. his-last-name" I can stomach - socially - but why would I want to be "Mrs. his-first-name"? He would never be "Mr. my-first-name"! I feel that''s not just taking on his last name to represent our family, but taking on his first name as his identity and it''s a little weird. Just my opinion!

 

[snuga]

Teagreen- Thanks for the response, I guess I''m overanalyzing a little considering that I''m not even engaged yet, but I have to start thinking of this stuff someday-ya know? It''s just a different situation and a lot of people can''t relate... we''ll see...

 

[princessv]

Just my 2 cents here...the reason I have no problem with changing my last name is that my paternal father left when I was 2 years old and keeping my last name would be a reminder in a way for me. Strange I haven''t really even thought about why my reason was for wanting to change last names until this thread...

 

[picky]

If possible, I plan on dropping my FIRST name, chaning my middle name and moving it to my first name, keeping my maiden name as my middle name, and using his last name. For several complicated reasons.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 11/30/2005 12:58:50 PM
Author: kalispera
Ok.. I think I''m totally different..

I don''t have a middle name, so I want to move my last name to my middle name and take his last name. My boyfriend wants me to keep both my maiden name and his last name as my last name and he wants to take both also. If we have children, they would have both names and so would we.

I don''t know what I will do yet. Has anyone had this happen where your boyfriend/fiance/husband wanted to take your name too?

Any Advice?

Kali - my cousin''s husband changed his last name to hers because she was the last in a long line with that name (all girls her generation, all of her cousins too, except for the ONE guy who never got married) and they wanted their kids to have the same name as both parents, so he agreed to change his last name to her family name. I believe he just completely dropped his previous last name, but I''m not positive. He just told everyone he was changing it and introduced himself with the new name from then on and as far as I know it worked well. Of course everyone in MY family was glad he did it to keep the name going, but I''m not sure how other people reacted.

But I think your boyfriend''s idea of both taking both is even nicer. That way you don''t have to choose one person to "lose" their identity in any way (not saying that''s my opinion, but some people might think that) but you can both start up your new family on equal footing. I like it! But I doubt my boyfriend would go for it...

 

[larussel03]

Date: 12/1/2005 4:16:17 AM
Author: Prisms
If possible, I plan on dropping my FIRST name, chaning my middle name and moving it to my first name, keeping my maiden name as my middle name, and using his last name. For several complicated reasons.

That''s what Christina Augliera (sp) did! She changed her name to her middle name (Maria), moved her last name and took her hubby''s last name as her last name. I''d never heard of doing this before but I guess it''s not as uncommon as I first thought.

I''m going to take my bf''s last name (which literally sounds like la la la combined with my first name haha). Then his name will be our first son''s middle name and then if we have a 2nd my maiden name will be his middle name...that''s if we have two boys ; )

 

[shia]

I actually asked bf if he would take my last name. He didn''t say no but I don''t know if I actually want him to or if he would. There''s a lot of pressure for him from his father and grandfather. As for me, I''m not sure. I like my last name but I''ve always wanted a really long name so I might add it as a middle name or even hyphenate.

 

[Kit]

Date: 11/30/2005 12:58:50 PM
Author: kalispera
Ok.. I think I''m totally different..

I don''t have a middle name, so I want to move my last name to my middle name and take his last name. My boyfriend wants me to keep both my maiden name and his last name as my last name and he wants to take both also. If we have children, they would have both names and so would we.

I don''t know what I will do yet. Has anyone had this happen where your boyfriend/fiance/husband wanted to take your name too?

Any Advice?

A friend of a friend''s parents did this:

She legally relinquished her middle name replaced it with her maiden name, then took his last name. He legally relinquished his middle name, and replaced it with her maiden name. So they were both FIRST HER-MAIDEN HIS-LAST. Their kids followed the same pattern. I am just not sure what the kids will do when they marry, but this whole thing sounded kinda cool anyways.

 

[AGBF]

I changed my name simply by using my husband''s last name in addition to my maiden name. I considered having my maiden name on a master''s degree diploma I got after my marriage, telling my husband that if we ever got a divorce I would like my name on that diploma to match the ones on my other two. He said to use his name on the diploma and I could always keep it as a souvenir of the marriage. That was in 1983. Still married. Now our daughter has his name, too. What the heck.

Deb

 

[AGBF]

Date: 12/2/2005 10:44:20 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*
That's what Christina Augliera (sp) did! She changed her name to her middle name (Maria), moved her last name and took her hubby's last name as her last name. I'd never heard of doing this before but I guess it's not as uncommon as I first thought.

Well...a woman in Spanish-speaking countries keeps her name forever. The children get their mother's last name as well as their father's. If the mother is Maria Smtih and the father is José Jones, the daughter would be Consuela Jones Smith, the family name being, "Jones".

I have an Italian passport that says I am Deborah Smith in Jones!!! Someone told me that in Italy women now keep their maiden names, but my (Italian) husband doesn't believe it!

Deb

 

[snuga]

I am really attached to my last name, as it is dying with me and my sister.. all girls.. what can you do? It is really unique and although people can''t always pronounce it, I really love it. I am definitely going to keep it somehow, I just don''t know what my boyfriend will do. It''s great that he is so open to it. It makes me love him even more!!

 

[akw94]

Wow, what a topic! This is something my bf and I have discussed, partly due to our preferences but partly due to me having a child already who has my name. My biggest concern is confusion in my son''s life. I think it will makes things somewhat difficult for him having a different last name than mine. On the other hand, people in his life would prob. still use my last name for me, even if I did change it. It''s not like i''d be making a big announcement so everyone who doesn''t know me personally would know...hope that wasn''t too confusing! So my thought for him is to keep my name. But then there''s just plain old me and I like the traditional idea of taking his name. I do think that in some ways, I am very traditional. That actually surprises me at times b/c I definitely consider myself a feminist. I do think of it more as a new stage in my life and beginning that w/him. I like the idea of everyone in my family to have the same name. So...if I were to change, i''d want my bf to adopt my son so that his name could change too. We also talked about that and he said that personally, he doesn''t think my son should have his name, since he has his own and he wouldn''t want his daughter (he already has a daughter) taking his ex''s new husband''s name. But he is willing to adopt since it''s what I want. I also realize that I tend to over-analyze just about everything and want to see how my son feels. I''ve talked to him just a little about it and he thinks it''s weird to change names and just likes saying the names out loud b/c he thinks it''s funny. So i''m not sure that he really cares one way or another. It''s more me...it''s always me who cares. I like the idea of the family w/the same name; that makes me happy.

Of course with all that said, I am all for everyone doing what works for them! I don''t think anyone should be pressured or do what someone else feels is right.

 

[Caribou]

I think I might have already responded to this but I''m going to again, I''m lazy

want to go home and don''t feel like looking for what I said before.

I am changing my name. It''s weird though because the first 2 letters and last 2 letters of mine last name are the same as my FI''s last name, so I''m just really changing the innerds.

I also want to comment on the child with a different last name. My mom took her maiden name back when I was still in HS. Now I realize that HS age and toddler or preteen is different, I don''t think that either way it would confuse anyone. The reason why my mom waited so long was because she thought the same thing, it would be confusing, but my brother and I both told her we didn''t care. I think anymore, it''s not unusal for kids to have a different last name then one of their parents.