Arguing with vendor over purchased Spinel

[Mreader]

@Rfisher is the best!

She is! And the same thing happened to her where a PSer “tattled” - so immature.

 

[Odyssey44]

That would be terrible, but are you certain it happened? Since he told you to poll PS, he may have just come around to monitor the conversation.

In any event, had I seen what he said about taking back the offer of an exchange out of spite, I would've been much harsher in my response on the other thread. That is just unprofessional, childish, and malicious. He asked you to post here about it! I won't buy from him, but then again I'm not a big fan of IG purchases to begin with for this very reason. I know a lot of PS members have been pleased with him. But the real show of someone's character is when a sale does not go smoothly. His inventory is fabulous. I'm questioning his attitude and store policies.

Thanks Dear Autumn. It was really shocking. I have never encountered this kind of behavior from any type of vendor selling anything before! Childish and malicious are exactly the words for him, yes. I thought the same to myself--he seemed very nice and knowledgeable--right up until I went back to him with the window issue. He became cranky about that pretty much right away. The bottom line is until there is a problem, no one can be sure how good any vendor is. That is when they shine or sink. I will never wire money again, I know that. Credit card or I am not buying. $850 is not a small sum, but it is not so big that it is a massive loss. Funny thing is I was going to buy another stone from him--I asked him to keep his eyes open for a loupe clean neon pink spinel for me. That would have been much, much more. So thank goodness there was not one already in his inventory. And of course I am never going to buy from him again--So he kept his $800 and lost out on a future sale of thousands. Not very smart. Another lesson--it may be best to test a vendor with a smaller sale first before committing a lot of money on a more expensive stone.

As to the spy on this thread--he claimed to me he did not go to PS anymore and to tell him what happened. And he told me someone contacted him to claim I said he was not answering my question about whether the stone was precision cut. Is it true? In as much as he said it, yes. I would not take any bet that involved betting on him to tell the truth though. Him editing our message flow was pretty darn shady.

He was all happy when he thought PSers backed up all his opinions after I said he was right on the tilt window (he really seems to not know that phrase). He became angrier when PSers did not back him up that there was no middle window. I had to smirk when he said in the other thread he started that PSers are "fair and square." Yeah---right up until they disagree with him. Then they do not have the necessary expertise.

I was out tonight so catching up on posts now. I truly appreciate you saying everything you have. My spirit is really buoyed to see no one has changed their opinion just because the vendor accused me of manipulating photos. I even picked different colored backgrounds to try to have my pictures be as fair and representative as possible. I hope in time I will laugh about the absurdity of that. Not there yet though!

 

[Odyssey44]

That all being said, I'm so sorry this has been your introduction into CS buying. Please don't let it color (no pun intended) your feelings toward collecting. It has enriched my life in so many ways, not least among them, all of the wonderful relationships I've forged along the way.

I'm still hoping the seller will reflect on the issue and decide to accept a return here. If not, count me amongst those who feel the window will almost certainly be less discernable when set, especially if you use a jeweler who is experienced in that respect.

But if you can't get past any negative feelings associated with the purchase now, it would be best to sell and recoup what you can. Honestly, I wouldn't use LT for this one... PS'ers might not want to get involved after the bad PR. Sell it on ebay or etsy, etc. Post the best glamour shots you can, without resorting to witchcraft to hide the window. And for goodness sake, if someone asks if the gem has a window, tell them it has a small one. lol I think you have a good chance of getting all of your money back.

Thank you, thank you! I feel the virtual hug and send it back. I am not going to let this stop me. It has definitely cooled me on IG though. Not sure what it would take to get me back over there, at least out of country wise. I know some US precision cutters sell there and that would be ok as long as they take credit cards.

I have some precision cut amethyst arriving tomorrow hopefully. I know this is not spinel-level, but I really liked the colors I saw and can't wait to see them in person. I could use getting to post a happy post!

Good advice--PSers may remember the bad juju with this stone. And do not worry---I am someone who would be mortified not to disclose any issues! I will say it has a small window upfront in the listing precisely because I do not want anyone to experience what I did! Let me ask you this--do have any idea what would sell better, the loose stone or a finished ring? It will be easier to see how I feel about the stone once it is set. But I probably should not do that if I am more likely to recoup more money selling the loose stone.

 

[Odyssey44]

FYI, he posted your IG handle, not sure if it matters. I'm sorry this happened @Odyssey44. I would feel the same about the bad juju. I was following him based on recs here and had even been in touch about a sapphire, but will not be pursuing that. Thank you for sharing your experience. I don't actually know anything about windows, but definitely need to be able to trust my vendors.

I saw that Hockey Mama. I am not a big poster on IG, so I am not going to worry about it. I mostly lurk. That sure was another thing that annoyed me, after I showed him the courtesy of being careful with his identity. I did not even reveal it once he reneged on his trade-in offer in a snit.
I so very much appreciate you saying thanks. I am very, very glad if I save even one person any heartache associated with this vendor. If the stone was nice, you would have had a perfectly fine transaction. If there was an issue though, it would have been horrible and you would have been blamed. Find vendors that people have reported handled problems well. That is the key. That is what I plan to do from now on. Everyone is nice when the sun is shining. What happens in stormy weather?

 

[Odyssey44]

She is! And the same thing happened to her where a PSer “tattled” - so immature.

Oh, wow! I am sorry to hear she was in that position! But she was so very empathic towards me it makes sense. I don't want this to happen to anyone else. But if it does, I hope I can be half as comforting to them as she was to me. Hers was also the very first reply I read, when I was feeling attacked and particularly down about it all. It made a big difference to me.

 

[VividRed]

I bought from Stefan more than once and was never disappointed.

But this episode leaves me scratching my head. I simply don't understand vendors taking it to PS to try and justify themselves and post a PRIVATE chat history with the customer - this is the worst possible PR in my book. It can only get ugly.

And of course, while small, the window is there, period

 

[Dreamer_D]

I understand the principle of the thing and all that, and $800 is not a small sum of money, but this isn’t worth the stress IMO. Chalk it up to lessons learned, take a break to let it all cool down emotionally for you, then set and wear your pretty gem or sell it.

 

[Odyssey44]

I understand the principle of the thing and all that, and $800 is not a small sum of money, but this isn’t worth the stress IMO. Chalk it up to lessons learned, take a break to let it all cool down emotionally for you, then set and wear your pretty gem or sell it.

Excellent, excellent advice. Thank you. I feel better each day I just don't see the stone and push it to the back of my mind. I am thinking about a new project. My upset with HiGems for accusing me of shadiness will take a little bit longer to push back there, but it will happen. I am already much calmer than I was initially. I think I just need some more time to pass, and to remind myself more this is nothing in the scope of things. I am healthy, have friends, family and 2 cats I love. And I was treated really nicely here on PS.

 

[Autumn in New England]

I bought from Stefan more than once and was never disappointed.

But this episode leaves me scratching my head. I simply don't understand vendors taking it to PS to try and justify themselves and post a PRIVATE chat history with the customer - this is the worst possible PR in my book. It can only get ugly.

And of course, while small, the window is there, period

This 101%. When I saw the thread, I cringed. I understand the need to "defend" one's reputation, but this wasn't about anything damaging or some sort of defamation. It was about a minor window... good grief. And he already knew we all confirmed it. It was an infinitesimal blip everyone would've forgotten in a week. Now I'll avoid him for a lifetime. It seems he more so wanted to be "right" and embarrass his buyer (after he told her to poll us on the issue!). So now he has an unhappy customer, former customers who are concerned, and prospective customers reconsidering doing business with him. The optics are horrendous all around.

 

[Autumn in New England]

Thank you, thank you! I feel the virtual hug and send it back. I am not going to let this stop me. It has definitely cooled me on IG though. Not sure what it would take to get me back over there, at least out of country wise. I know some US precision cutters sell there and that would be ok as long as they take credit cards.

I have some precision cut amethyst arriving tomorrow hopefully. I know this is not spinel-level, but I really liked the colors I saw and can't wait to see them in person. I could use getting to post a happy post!

Good advice--PSers may remember the bad juju with this stone. And do not worry---I am someone who would be mortified not to disclose any issues! I will say it has a small window upfront in the listing precisely because I do not want anyone to experience what I did! Let me ask you this--do have any idea what would sell better, the loose stone or a finished ring? It will be easier to see how I feel about the stone once it is set. But I probably should not do that if I am more likely to recoup more money selling the loose stone.

If you're definitely planning on selling, I wouldn't bother setting it. The slogan on PS is "don't throw good money after bad." And while this stone certainly isn't "bad," it's not one with which you're pleased. So I wouldn't put anymore $ into it. However, if you want to set the gem in the hopes you may begin to enjoy it, I certainly don't think you'll have a problem selling the finished piece down the line.

Do you have Paypal? Most sellers accept it, and it offers buyer (and seller) protection. That will open you up to a much wider selection. Just be sure to use "goods and services." If you send the money via "friends and family," you don't really have any recourse. We often use F&F on LT, but then we tend to trust our fellow PS'ers. Unless the vendor has a website, they likely won't take a CC.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Excellent, excellent advice. Thank you. I feel better each day I just don't see the stone and push it to the back of my mind. I am thinking about a new project. My upset with HiGems for accusing me of shadiness will take a little bit longer to push back there, but it will happen. I am already much calmer than I was initially. I think I just need some more time to pass, and to remind myself more this is nothing in the scope of things. I am healthy, have friends, family and 2 cats I love. And I was treated really nicely here on PS.

I also feel very angry when I perceived that I am misunderstood or I feel an injustice has been done. But I also want to protect my well-being and often that means stepping back and cooling off and reminding myself that I can’t control other people’s actions. Easier said than done but it’s been a good practice for me.

 

[Odyssey44]

I also feel very angry when I perceived that I am misunderstood or I feel an injustice has been done. But I also want to protect my well-being and often that means stepping back and cooling off and reminding myself that I can’t control other people’s actions. Easier said than done but it’s been a good practice for me.

Well, this will definitely be a good practice point for me. I appreciate you thinking of my well-being as you are. I have some new amethysts today that are happily redirecting my attention to better things.

 

[Autumn in New England]

I also feel very angry when I perceived that I am misunderstood or I feel an injustice has been done. But I also want to protect my well-being and often that means stepping back and cooling off and reminding myself that I can’t control other people’s actions. Easier said than done but it’s been a good practice for me.

Agreed, and this seems to come with age (in my case, anyway). The desire to win or be understood can be overpowering, especially when you know something is unfair. But my sanity is more important these days. I can't handle anxiety the way I used to... I find myself walking away from conflict more and more. That's not to say, of course, that certain things aren't worth standing your ground over. For me, it's just about knowing when the threshold is in danger of being crossed.

 

[Odyssey44]

If you're definitely planning on selling, I wouldn't bother setting it. The slogan on PS is "don't throw good money after bad." And while this stone certainly isn't "bad," it's not one with which you're pleased. So I wouldn't put anymore $ into it. However, if you want to set the gem in the hopes you may begin to enjoy it, I certainly don't think you'll have a problem selling the finished piece down the line.

Do you have Paypal? Most sellers accept it, and it offers buyer (and seller) protection. That will open you up to a much wider selection. Just be sure to use "goods and services." If you send the money via "friends and family," you don't really have any recourse. We often use F&F on LT, but then we tend to trust our fellow PS'ers. Unless the vendor has a website, they likely won't take a CC.

Got it! I may look at getting something like an Ivy & Rose setting when I am ready--then I can always just keep my setting and get a new stone if I prefer.
Oh yes, I have Paypal! I guess I was counting that as taking a credit card. I've used it on online shopping sites before. Novice gem buyer, but (too?) experienced shopper. ha!

 

[Odyssey44]

Agreed, and this seems to come with age (in my case, anyway). The desire to win or be understood can be overpowering, especially when you know something is unfair. But my sanity is more important these days. I can't handle anxiety the way I used to... I find myself walking away from conflict more and more. That's not to say, of course, that certain things aren't worth standing your ground over. For me, it's just about knowing when the threshold is in danger of being crossed.

Gaslighting drives me absolutely insane. I have experience with someone in my life who did that to me so no doubt it hits a sore spot. I like to rely on reason and logic and when I cannot in a discussion, I want to pull my hair out and scream. I can't do anything in such a situation though, you both are right. Very little is worth losing days of upset over. Yet I did allow that to happen. I control how someone's response effects me and maybe I can take more of that reminder away from this situation too.

 

[Autumn in New England]

Gaslighting drives me absolutely insane. I have experience with someone in my life who did that to me so no doubt it hits a sore spot. I like to rely on reason and logic and when I cannot in a discussion, I want to pull my hair out and scream. I can't do anything in such a situation though, you both are right. Very little is worth losing days of upset over. Yet I did allow that to happen. I control how someone's response effects me and maybe I can take more of that reminder away from this situation too.

Oh I think we can all relate to that, my friend.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Oh I think we can all relate to that, my friend.

Absolutely.

It’s super common for people who’ve experienced gaslighting and other forms of boundary violations to feel an intense desire to be understood and to be treated fairly etc. and then experience intense emotional reactions to being misunderstood or gaslit/manipulated . Growing older (and doing self work/therepy) has led me to recognize when I am triggered this way and respond with self care and reinforcing my own emotional boundaries rather than approaching the person whose behaviour has triggered me and continuing to engage in the hopes of being understood or changing their perspective them. I have a rule that when I get triggered like that I don’t respond to the situation for at least 24 hours. It’s been helpful, especially at work lol

 

[Autumn in New England]

Absolutely.

It’s super common for people who’ve experienced gaslighting and other forms of boundary violations to feel an intense desire to be understood and to be treated fairly etc. and then experience intense emotional reactions to being misunderstood or gaslit/manipulated . Growing older (and doing self work/therepy) has led me to recognize when I am triggered this way and respond with self care and reinforcing my own emotional boundaries rather than approaching the person whose behaviour has triggered me and continuing to engage in the hopes of being understood or changing their perspective them. I have a rule that when I get triggered like that I don’t respond to the situation for at least 24 hours. It’s been helpful, especially at work lol

So true. I love this, thank you!

 

[Avondale]

I try to not take sides when such conflicts arise because I find more often than not it just pours fuel on the fire and that's not helping anyone.

What I will say, though, is that regardless of the unpleasant circumstances, you still have a lovely stone. Maybe you can't see it that way right now, considering all that has transpired, but that's the objective truth. If you decide to sell it (and I say LT and selling directly to another PSer are totally still an option - after all, the stone itself has not been compromised), there are many who would love to own it. Hell, I wouldn't pass it either, if I had the budget.

And if you decide to keep it, there's every chance you'll be able to make a lovely piece of jewellery with it that will hide the window and will allow you to enjoy it carefree.

It has been said on this thread before, colour is the main determining factor, and this stone has it. Had it been a sapphire instead, the "pad" trade name would've been slapped on it immediately and it would've sold for thousands, many times over what you paid. So take your time to move on from all this emotionally, and then reevaluate. After all, you did buy it precisely for the colour.

 

[Odyssey44]

Thanks Avondale. I have always loved the color of the stone. I was really happy to see it opening that package. You are right--the stone only has bad juju for me personally. And it may not be permanent. I will definitely see in time how I feel about it. I am leaning toward buying a nice premade ring setting so I can judge if the window closes before I go to the expense of setting it, and if it does not I will still have a nice setting to use on another stone. I very much appreciate your advice! A nice reminder. I will definitely post what it looks like in the ring when I get there.

 

[VividRed]

Thanks Avondale. I have always loved the color of the stone. I was really happy to see it opening that package. You are right--the stone only has bad juju for me personally. And it may not be permanent. I will definitely see in time how I feel about it. I am leaning toward buying a nice premade ring setting so I can judge if the window closes before I go to the expense of setting it, and if it does not I will still have a nice setting to use on another stone. I very much appreciate your advice! A nice reminder. I will definitely post what it looks like in the ring when I get there.

Would you have the opportunity to bring it to a jeweler who may give you their advice on whether or not the window will be visible once the stone is set?
Maybe not now, but with time you might make peace with it and learn to love it.

I sure hope so, it is indeed a very beautiful color!

 

[Odyssey44]

Would you have the opportunity to bring it to a jeweler who may give you their advice on whether or not the window will be visible once the stone is set?
Maybe not now, but with time you might make peace with it and learn to love it.

I sure hope so, it is indeed a very beautiful color!

Good idea! I had not thought of that. They will probably also have settings I can play with in person to see if the window closes. Thanks Vivid!

 

[VividRed]

Good idea! I had not thought of that. They will probably also have settings I can play with in person to see if the window closes. Thanks Vivid!

There is always a solution, hopefully this one works out

 

[pomo_juice]

Good idea! I had not thought of that. They will probably also have settings I can play with in person to see if the window closes. Thanks Vivid!

If I’m not mistaken, you can try to carefully wrap the back of the gem in aluminum foil to see if the window closes. The jeweler can add a piece of metal to the bottom of the setting to close the window as well (not sure if these setting come premade though). Hopefully, it’s an easy fix since the window is small. If it’s any hope, I’ve seen more windowed pads closed up in the right setting!

 

[Odyssey44]

Yes, Pomo, somebody upthread mentioned the foil. I just have not done it yet because I am on a break from looking at the stone for my own peace of mind right now. It reminded me of a donut the last time I looked at it. Haha! I will check once I am ready to pull it back out. Did you see Avondale's ring upthread? She posted her stone with a small window that closed up after setting and it did not even have a backing! It was amazing!
Any news on your fractured spinel? Did you tell the vendor you could not get it set?

 

[Autumn in New England]

I also wanted to say... I bought two gems from an Etsy seller who I later found out was someone (the only one) I don't get along with here on PS. He was duplicitously taking my money over there, all the while being anonymously nasty to me here (and hiding his active seller status). Anyway, I sold one of the gems I bought from him, but kept the other. I have no negative feelings whatsoever toward the stone, and fully intend to set it. My point is, it's possible to separate the two, and maybe that will be possible for you with the passage of time. I think of gems as children... pure and innocent, they be.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

I also wanted to say... I bought two gems from an Etsy seller who I later found out was someone (the only one) I don't get along with here on PS. He was duplicitously taking my money over there, all the while being anonymously nasty to me here (and hiding his active seller status). Anyway, I sold one of the gems I bought from him, but kept the other. I have no negative feelings whatsoever toward the stone, and fully intend to set it. My point is, it's possible to separate the two, and maybe that will be possible for you with the passage of time. I think of gems as children... pure and innocent, they be.

I’m a bit like you! I never let things get in the way of a good gem. Especially if it’s going to be suitable with a lot of outfits!

I had so many dramas with my spinel project (it was one of those things that was difficult from the start, not the bench’s fault but it was just not a smooth project) and for a while I thought the ring would annoy me but I’m eating my words and wearing it everywhere.

 

[Odyssey44]

I also wanted to say... I bought two gems from an Etsy seller who I later found out was someone (the only one) I don't get along with here on PS. He was duplicitously taking my money over there, all the while being anonymously nasty to me here (and hiding his active seller status). Anyway, I sold one of the gems I bought from him, but kept the other. I have no negative feelings whatsoever toward the stone, and fully intend to set it. My point is, it's possible to separate the two, and maybe that will be possible for you with the passage of time. I think of gems as children... pure and innocent, they be.

Oh my GOODNESS!!! Were you angry when you found out? How did you find out? That is so not right. What is wrong with people?? Not to mention you are one of the nicest, most wonderful people here on PS. They definitely have to have a screw or two lose. They must be pretty miserable in their life to be that way. I feel annoyed FOR you! Were you able to enjoy the stones right away or did it take some time? Thinking of the stones as blameless children is a great perspective. I actually have my fingers crossed that I will look at my spinel eventually and have positives attached to it--it will be a reminder not to get stressed out over other people's actions and how they choose to treat me, and that I can actually successfully do that and even make something beautiful out of a bad situation. Fingers crossed!

 

[Odyssey44]

I’m a bit like you! I never let things get in the way of a good gem. Especially if it’s going to be suitable with a lot of outfits!

I had so many dramas with my spinel project (it was one of those things that was difficult from the start, not the bench’s fault but it was just not a smooth project) and for a while I thought the ring would annoy me but I’m eating my words and wearing it everywhere.

Excellent, excellent news. And it made me laugh--never let things get in the way of a good gem! And you have a lot of beautiful rings to fall back on! I have noticed!

 

[Autumn in New England]

Oh my GOODNESS!!! Were you angry when you found out? How did you find out? That is so not right. What is wrong with people?? Not to mention you are one of the nicest, most wonderful people here on PS. They definitely have to have a screw or two lose. They must be pretty miserable in their life to be that way. I feel annoyed FOR you! Were you able to enjoy the stones right away or did it take some time? Thinking of the stones as blameless children is a great perspective. I actually have my fingers crossed that I will look at my spinel eventually and have positives attached to it--it will be a reminder not to get stressed out over other people's actions and how they choose to treat me, and that I can actually successfully do that and even make something beautiful out of a bad situation. Fingers crossed!

Well, it's an odd story. After always denying on PS that he was an active seller, he let slip that he'd sold to me (and threatened to dox my personal info). Knowing that I've only bought from maybe a handful of folks in the US the past few years, it wasn't difficult to narrow down. He told the same personal story here that he did on another forum. He also self-promoted here, which didn't help.
And then he inadvertently confirmed everything over on etsy... where he most definitely has a retail shop. I really have no hard feelings toward him anymore. We're all fellow travelers to the grave, you know? I just wish he'd be honest about his trade status here.

*Edited for typo.