Big rock or big wedding? You choose...

[Mara]

20 years Judy? I'm so disappointed in you!!

 

[stephcola]

Mara,




I didnt' know you were getting married in Hawaii. Great place!!!. We got married in Wailea, Maui and it was just the two of us (we were both married before and had the big weddings) We we both so unstressed and so happy just to be together. It made me think, what is a wedding really?? It should be two people telling each other they love them and being able to spend time together. We followed the ceremony (which was infront of a waterfall!!) by going to the spa for a variety of treatments. Once we were relaxed we went back to the room and ordered champagne and room service. We wondered why more people don't do this!!!!! I think about the first go round with the florists, the caterers, etc., the "inlaws" and how I had headaches for months!!!! My mom was disappointed the second time that she and dad would not be there but they threw us a reception brunch when we returned from 2 glorious weeks in Hawaii.

We had the opportunity to go the the big island , Kawaii and Maui and have the best possible memories. I remember at the end of my first wedding thinking - I didin't get a chance to speak to atleast 1/2 the guests. I ran around, sweating trying to fulful my bride duties. Everyone has their own idea what makes this day special so that is what they should do. Years later, you and your husband will have alot of beautiful memories to remember, not just who was part of the wedding!!! Just my opinion...

 

[Hest88]

Okay. I always do what Mara says.

I voted for big rock, small wedding, but per my explanation, that's not completely accurate.

 

[ccuheartnurse]

LOL Mara. What I failed to mention was that I want a pair of diamond studs at some point.

And I KNOW you can appreciate this, but I want them BIG.

I can **definitely* see 1ct in each ear.

Judy

 

[Caratz]

Isn't it possible to have it both ways? Big stone and big wedding?

I'd spend $15,000 on the stone and $10,000 on the wedding. I cannot see spending more than $15,000 on a stone, and I cannot see spending more than $10,000 on a wedding (unless I am spending someone else's money).

I like the idea of having a big but not so fancy wedding, and it's possible to do that with $10,000.

 

[mike04456]

I voted small rock, big wedding, which was more or less what we did. I spent maybe $2,500 on the ring (in fairness, I had a 1.1 ct G-VV2 emerald cut to reset

) and $15,000+ on the wedding (this was almost 13 years ago).




I agree with Dave--you (ideally) get only one wedding; you have a lifetime to accumulate diamonds. We had a great day, and if we had had another $5-10k, we could have spent it easily (mostly on the food--I wanted a total gourmet experience and we had to skimp on it more that I liked

).

 

[Mara]

Caratz...for $10k wedding, you'd be looking at a small wedding most likely. Unless you're not feeding anyone and it's in your yard.

Nothing wrong with that! But we've had to struggle to keep our wedding at $10k and we have cut alot of corners, and in the end its still small, around 40-45 people. It just all tends to add up.




Yes realistically people could do both on the $25k and have normal rock, normal wedding, but that's not what I asked.

Big rock, big wedding IMO is harder to do on $25k unless as noted there are other types of options. It also really depends on the area you live in.

 

[Caratz]

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On 11/24/2003 6:53:23 PM Mara wrote:


Caratz...for $10k wedding, you'd be looking at a small wedding most likely. Unless you're not feeding anyone and it's in your yard.

Nothing wrong with that! But we've had to struggle to keep our wedding at $10k and we have cut alot of corners, and in the end its still small, around 40-45 people. It just all tends to add up.


Yes realistically people could do both on the $25k and have normal rock, normal wedding, but that's not what I asked.

Big rock, big wedding IMO is harder to do on $25k unless as noted there are other types of options. It also really depends on the area you live in.
----------------

Yeah, I'd be inclined to throw out the sit down meal at an expensive rented location. I'd make it more like a party -- all the money would go into food, alcohol, a band, and yeah, maybe a few flowers if it would make her happy.

So if I put $15,000 into the stone and only $10,000 into the wedding, does that put me in the "big rock" category?

 

[canadiangrrl]

As Mara said, where you live or are having the reception plays a huge factor.

I'm from Toronto. We can't get married here due to immigration reasons, but that's probably a good thing. Toronto is an expensive city - roughly on par with NYC, DC, San Francisco, etc.

My fiance lives in the DC metro area. Again - expensive. Having our wedding in my fiance's hometown made so much sense on so many different levels. Only 1 hour from BWI for out-of-town guests...hotel rooms are reasonable...and waaaay less expensive than a major city or popular tourist area.

We anticipate that around 150 or so guests will show up. Our wedding reception, and all related costs, will end up costing us less than the reception my parents paid for.... 10 years ago.....for 108 guests. No kidding.

 

[jenibear]

Oh my god! I would love to have a big wedding on a $10,000 budget. Ours is double that. It's HARD. We are cutting all sorts of corners and I am making a lot of things myself and with the help of my future mother in law.
We have been told by many people that they can't believe our budget is so small for 150 people. Most weddings in this area with that many people are $30,000. Massachusetts is not cheap.
If your in NY (where I grew up but can't afford to have a wedding) good luck. My friend paid $30,000 for a formal wedding for 75 guests! Yikes.
Everything does add up. You would be surprised. When we look at all the costs individually they are very low - but add em all up times 150 people and jeez it's a lot of cash!
Of course I could save money if I dodn't get the diamond wedding band I want - but hey I'm giving up birthday, christmas, anniversary and valentines day presents to get it!

 

[Mara]

Hee Hee Caratz, spoken like a true man (..a few flowers...).

Food is a huge cost, even a buffet can run you around $50-60 per person depending. Appetizers maybe more like $20-30 per person if they eat alot. That doesn't even include alcohol! Our budget is pretty tight and we aren't even paying exhorbitant amounts for anything compared to national averages....but food is a huge $$ as well as music/DJ is something like $800, oh and photography!! Very key..and expensive. So it's easy to say one thing and have it end up be another, weddings in general are a huge ripoff...shopping smart will save some $$.




My girlfriend last year had 90 people and a beautiful wedding, but nothing super spectacular and it was $35k. About 4 years ago some of our best friends got married and they had about 90 people and spent $40k, their wedding wasn't even that great!! ($35k was better). It all adds up. So if we can stick to around $10k for ours, I will be floating with happiness.




I would think that $15k rock, $10k wedding is big rock small wedding! $15k could buy you a very nicely sized rock! *drool*

 

[Jennifer5973]

YOu can always upgrade the rock--but the wedding you do once (hopefully)....

 

[fire&ice]

I must be a dinosaur. Country Clubs used to (and I know ours still does this) give you the venue for free if you purchase the food & most of the alcohol from them. You do not have to be a member - just have a friend/business associate/any warm body who belongs. For a nominal corking fee, we can bring in our own champagne. In the south, lavish sit down dinners are not the norm. We had a hybrid to appease Northern relatives. Also, open bar is not the norm. Again, we had a hybrid. Open bar is what can kill the budget. We had very good champagne & beer. In the separate "bar" downstairs, we had an open tab (quietly) for those that insisted on having mixed drinks. Most opted for the party upstairs. For the buffet we had gulf shrimp, steamship round, crab cakes, some sort of chicken - your regular assorted veggies & some other stuff. The food was not purchased per head - the country club just needed an estimate of people attending. I recall sending out about 200 invitations. We paid by the tray & could choose whatever we wanted. Does no place do this anymore?

My wedding was a formal after 7:00 tux & tails. It was an elegant affair that did not cost anywhere near even 10k. Have things gone up that much?

Also, what about theme weddings? Champagne only. Wine only. Martini's only. You do not owe it to your guests to accomodate every one.

The prices bantered about here are staggering. These places must take advantage of brides. I have planned many company parties (granted for only 60 people - open bar - full meal) - but the cost is pennies to what you all are talking about.

 

[Mara]

F&I...yes mention a wedding and the price doubles or triples. Our wedding is actually what I refer to as 'ghetto budget' compared to what really goes on around here. All of my friends average weddings have been around $30k, for basic stuff. Nice weddings. Nothing special. The fact that we can go to Hawaii and do ours for around $10k to me is mind-blowing. We had to cut some corners but we have an open bar for wine, champagne and beers; a huge Hawaiian style buffet complete with awesome apps; a great cake from the same lady who made Matt Le Blancs; all the orchids my little heart could desire; the venue of our choice with the ocean at our feet; and our best friends and family there to celebrate with us.....or we could have paid around $20k for a local SF Bayarea wedding in a venue that didn't make us tingle; with excellent but super expensive food ($90 per head); a beautiful but expensive cake; basic flowers because they are so overpriced here...and 90 people who we aren't super close with. Hmmm Hawaii and the ocean and best friends and fam for 1/2 price? Hard decision!!

It really is a huge scam. I recall a local winery's website had prices for conference and event rentals, to rent the place we were looking at for a conference was something like $500 for the entire day, 8 hours. But to have a wedding in that same place was $3000 for a Saturday and you only get 4-5 hours. I mean what is that? Could you be any more blatant in marking it up? How exactly does $2500 of extra work go into renting it out for a Saturday wedding? They don't even do anything. Amazing! But people pay it! There have been articles recently from wedding vendors here on how business is booming and people are still paying their exhorbitant prices. Villa Montalvo is a beautiful venue in Saratoga that has a winery, restaurant and outdoor concerts that overlooks alot of the valley...it costs $12k to rent it for 5-6 hours for a wedding. That is just the event fee to step foot on the place. Ridiculous!

 

[mike04456]

----------------
On 11/25/2003 9:40:04 AM fire&ice wrote:











I must be a dinosaur. Country Clubs used to (and I know ours still does this) give you the venue for free if you purchase the food & most of the alcohol from them. You do not have to be a member - just have a friend/business associate/any warm body who belongs

----------------

That was how it was when we got married, way back in 1991. We had the ceremony and reception at the fanciest hotel in Pasadena, and there was no event fee even though we had the wedding on their back lawn. All we paid for was the food and booze, which wasn't cheap but that was it.

Mara, I can relate to all that. My sister is getting married next year in Palo Alto and will probably double the budget we spent even though she's inviting more or less the same people and having an equivalent dinner. The hotel she's doing it at is nothing compared to where we were, yet she has to fork over $5,000 just to set foot in the place. Plus they have an $80/person minimum for food and booze. It's a total racket.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 11/25/2003 1:21:57 PM LawGem wrote:

----------------
On 11/25/2003 9:40:04 AM fire&ice wrote:




Palo Alto and will probably double the budget we spent even though she's inviting more or less the same people and having an equivalent dinner. The hotel she's doing it at is nothing compared to where we were, yet she has to fork over $5,000 just to set foot in the place. Plus they have an $80/person minimum for food and booze. It's a total racket.

----------------

O.K. SPYGIRL! here - isn't there some sort of law against this price hiking?

Gosh Mara, I can not believe that place. What a blatant rip-off 500 vs 3K. As I mentioned before, I really like your thinking out of the box approach with out all this entitlement that brides get in their head. What a special event you have planned! Are you going to invite your pricescope family of ideal rocks? Will the airline/hotel give a pricescope 5% discount?

But seriously, at this point I do enjoy weddings; but, it's just an event. Yours is really an *EVENT*. And, you don't even have to pay $100/orchid.

Way to go. Make sure you take lots of digitals!

I guess if brides will pay it then why not charge it. Me, I'd opt for something else. I wouldn't support those businesses. And legally, I don't see how they can charge x for business events & xxxxxx for weddings. Is this just a Saturday surcharge?

 

[Mara]

F&I..I thought it had to be illegal too but who knows! Oh and as for the Pscope friends--if anyone wants to actually fork out the $$ and fly to Hawaii to spend time with us...we are more than happy to have you!!!




LG...where in PA is your sis getting married? We looked at the Stanford Park Hotel which has an outdoor brick courtyard which was lovely, but it had an $8k minimum for Saturday which was FOOD ONLY. Liquor would have been another $3k or so. Forget that!

 

[mike04456]

----------------
On 11/25/2003 2:00:21 PM Mara wrote:







LG...where in PA is your sis getting married? We looked at the Stanford Park Hotel which has an outdoor brick courtyard which was lovely, but it had an $8k minimum for Saturday which was FOOD ONLY. Liquor would have been another $3k or so. Forget that!

----------------

I believe it's the Garden Park Hotel or something like that but I could have it wrong. It's a lovely little place but the prices are just ridiculous. She was showing me the the agreement and they just nickel and dime you to death. You'd think they'd be happy with the $80 per person but they also tack on a 19% service charge on top of that plus rentals for anything beyond the bare minimum. If you don't want their booze, there's a $17.50/bottle corkage fee! And she said it was like this everywhere. I'm glad I only have sons.

 

[Mara]

Yep the 19% Service Charge...present in Hawaii as well. That is one of those small print type things.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 11/25/2003 3:49:45 PM Mara wrote:


Yep the 19% Service Charge...present in Hawaii as well. That is one of those small print type things.
----------------

I think that's pretty standard. Also, my parent were expected to tip as well. Service is something I don't mind paying for.

 

[grapegravity]

The bigger the rock, the better for me!!! Even my mom thinks no wedding is fine for her as long as my rock is big.




The bottom line is, u will wear the ring as long as u live, yet the wedding only last a day of ur life... so, in my opinion, spend lots $$$ on the rock, adn minimum on the wedding...




^_^

 

[Toska]

My wedding is costing $80,000 with 450 to 500 guests.

We would get back about $30,000 from guests throughout the day.

The big winners are the people who play music, they would earn anything between $5-10,000 each just from guests giving them money for playing their dance.

It's worth it getting to stand on top of that drum while they play it

 

[Mara]

Holy crap, Toska, $80k for a wedding?!!! I thought that weddings of that cost were reserved for people who read Town and Country....where they have spreads on weddings that are easily 100k over. 400-500 at that cost...must be a sit-down dinner??

If I had $80k....I'd spend $50k of it on the ring and $30k on the wedding. Or maybe 60/20. Or 70/10.

Hee Hee...you will have to post on your amazing wedding-to-be so we can live vicariously.




So I guess you definitely qualify for smaller rock, BIG wedding!

 

[Toska]

80,000.00 AUD = 57,837.80 USD

It is my tradition and culture to have such a huge wedding. I do not personally care if it was such a big weddingand 500 guests. 300 Guests is about right for me.

Our weddings go for days on end.

 

[tomatoe]

toska, what race are u that has this tradition and custom? I know that Caucasian aussies dont have that huge weddings, hubby is an aussie.

 

[Toska]

---edited response---

 

[tomatoe]

gosh, aus$80k is hella lot of money, i feel for u when u say u'd rather put down for a house. but some of the weddings i've been to/ heard of, do run up to S$100k even but for the whole package, not only the lunch/ dinner. weddings are a very expensive affair!!

 

[Mara]

Came across this old thread/poll and thought it would be fun to have new responses/votes added!!

I''d STILL go for BIG ROCK, SMALL WEDDING of course!

 

[dazedland]

Definitely HUGE rock, small wedding, maybe destination...the honeymoon doesn''t count in the budget right?

 

[glaucomflecken]

WOW thats a tough one, because you can always get a bigger rock. And you only get married once (hopefully).

That being said, I still think I vote for BIG rock!