Big rock or big wedding? You choose...

[AChiOAlumna]

I would go for....

A) Bigger rock
B) Caribbean wedding on the beach for 2 (elope)
C) Use rest of money for down-payment on a house

 

[monarch64]

I have to say I went with big rock/small wedding. I am from a small town in Indiana, he is from Chicago...my parents are considered "well-to-do" in their rural farm town, but didn''t have a big budget as far as the wedding was concerned. We ended up getting married in a very upscale suburb of Chicago (Oakbrook) on a Sunday in September, 2003. The ceremony was outside facing a lake, underneath fruit trees...it was an absolutely gorgeous day and people couldn''t stop commenting on how beautiful the weather was. We had a 12:30 ceremony, followed by a receiving line in the clubhouse and reception. Everything was tasteful and elegant on a $6,000 budget, not including D.J., photographer, and flowers, which we paid for ourselves. We served a fantastic pasta dish for lunch and had open bar every minute of the cocktail hour and reception...no one was left rushing to the bar to get one last drink, as we ourselves have done many times at weddings. (not to say there''s anything wrong with closing the bar during dinner, we just didn''t feel it was right for our guests). My pictures turned out beautifully all through the day, since even indoors there was a lot of natural light coming in because the clubhouse was all glassed-in. Oh I forgot to mention my rock...it''s a 1.5 RB J, SI1, set in platinum, with a platinum band of two rows of invisable-set princess-cut diamonds tcw of 2.38. I love my rings, but am upgrading my e-ring with a new setting with princess-cut invisables on the sides for our 2 year anniversary. My vote is definitely to go with big rock over big wedding. The wedding is for friends and family, granted, but the ring is for you, for the rest of your life.

 

[Slykat12]

Only two choices to make it extra hard to choose

In research we call this a forced choice question. Hmmmm I am going to throw a rock in and say neither! I will spend the wad on the honey moon. India, China, Africa or Antartica.

 

[Blue824]

hehe...big rock, small wedding. i''d naturally gravitate towards a smaller simpler wedding anyway, so that was easy!

 

[zoobiedo]

I voted big rock/small wedding. However, I would never spend $25,000 on either. I''ve done the fairly small wedding (75 people) and the second marriage was a destination wedding for 2 weeks (St. Lucia). Neither of them cost anywhere near $25,000 with the rings included.

 

[Lorelei]

BIG ROCK SMALL WEDDING

 

[atroop711]

Good Morning....

I am new here...I found PS about 3 weeks ago. As far as the question...Big Rock or Big Wedding...Well we have been married for 9 yrs now. 10 yrs ago my husband bought me a ROCK (2ct) we also had already started to book a pretty nice size wedding (110 guest) but here in NYC no matter the size, it is always expensive. I didn''t want us to start our life together in credit card debt because we would have to charge the wedding since lots of the cash he had saved up went to the E-Ring....I told him I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the ring but we should return it and get our $20,000+ back from it and pay cash for our wedding. I told him that in the future, when we can afford it, we can purchase the "ROCK"...I also told him that until then I will just replace the 2ct diamond in my real setting with a CZ....and that is what we did....10 years, 2 beautiful daughters later, we are now getting my ring. I just picked a stone out yesterday from WF with the help of Denise....they care custom making my setting....so in a few weeks I should have my RING!

 

[Lorelei]

Welcome Atroop

Glad you can join those of us obsessed with all things sparkly

Congratulations on the new ring - you truly DESERVE it and I bet it will have been worth the wait! Pics please when it is on your finger!

 

[atroop711]

Thanks Lorelei for your well wishes....My husband says I am truly deserving of the ring too since not once in 10 years did I complain..I just admired stones..but never complained...he only wishes the budget could be bigger...

I will post pics as soon as I get some.....once the stone gets the OK from WF and my go ahead, I will post a picture of the mold they are making for the stone.

Thanks
Atroop711

 

[Lorelei]

I agree you definitely DO deserve your lovely new ring - and I can''t wait to see pics of it!! Your Hubby sounds like a sweetie too who understands these things!

 

[ecf8503]

Big rock (we had 18 people at our wedding, including us, and it was perfect for us). This is just my opinion (don''t shoot me!), but - flowers die, food gets eaten, dresses get put in storage. The ring remains. Besides, it''s the significance of the ceremony that is the whole point of getting married. Do you remember what the appetizer was at the wedding of the high school friend you went to 5 years ago??????

 

[atroop711]

Thanks again...I will post pics as soon as I get them...

Annette, NYC

 

[VuittonGal]

I think I''d take about $15k for the ring and elope to an island for a $10k vacation. The ring lasts forever, the wedding is only one day!!!

 

[Jolie]

Well, this wasn''t an option on the poll, but we went with a small ring AND a small wedding, and spent the most money on the honeymoon (5 weeks). I have no regrets. The ring is just an object (and probably "worth" a lot less than what we paid for it, as I''m sure I''ll find out if I ever try to sell it), but those five weeks were priceless (especially since I probably will not be able to take a trip like that again until my retirement). And the smallness of the wedding (conducted by a judge at a state historic site) made it even more special for me. I would vote "hooneymoon" all the way . . . if it were an option.

 

[atroop711]

A 5 week honeymoon! That is my type of vacation....GOOD FOR YOU!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

Most of the money would go towards a big rock, a good chunk of the remainder on a great honeymoon, and the leftover towards the wedding. While I feel like a wedding is a celebration of a couple''s union, the honest truth is that it flies by so fast...I remember most other weddings I attended moreso than I remember my own...and most of that money is spent on other people! (The food, decor, cake, DJ, etc.) So I''d definitely spend more money on the lasting remembrance of the day (the ring) and another good chunk (but less $$$) on our vacation/honeymoon afterwards! I could be crafty if I needed to for the reception and do alot of stuff myself or with friends.

 

[ivanadiamond]

Both~ I am terrible at compromising, so I guess I would try to have as big of rock and wedding that we could afford....We just got married, and although it came with a hefty pricetag, I am so glad we did it. I can always get another diamond, but hopefully that will be the only wedding I will have, unless I marry my hubby again! then big rock...

 

[Mara]

It's funny how some people say 'well i can always get a big rock later, but you only get one wedding (hopefully)'...and others say 'well the diamond is forever and the wedding is only one day'.

Totally opposite viewpoints!!

For me the wedding was only one day so I didn't want to spend too much (and actually we found having it smaller gave us better memories of the most important people in our lives having a good time rather than 100 randoms) and the rock does not last forever since I am an upgrade queen, so I guess I am a hybrid.

Love the idea of a long honeymoon! Our wedding and honeymoon took us away from home for a total of three weeks which was just long enough to forget 'real life'!

 

[pearcrazy]

Well gee, I had a small rock and small wedding. We couldn''t afford a big one of either. We did have a nice 7 day honeymoon in Cancun though.

If I were getting married now, being older and wiser (and previously married), I''d probably run off to the county courthouse and get a 2 carat honker.

 

[cutes814]

Definitely big rock, small wedding. I hate going to huge weddings where you don''t know anyone....ugh. Besides the rock is going to last forever. The wedding? only half a day.

 

[elepri]

With that budget, If i really had to choose, I''d opt for a wedding and get that big rock later. But $25k would only pay for a very small wedding here in NY anyway.

 

[Jolie]

Wow - $25k can only pay for a "very small" wedding in N.Y.?

On my budget, that means I could only have invited about 1-1/2 guests. But, I see pics of Catherine Zeta-Jones''s wedding (wasn''t that in New York?) and think "wow - how much did THAT cost!" A lifstyle out of my reach.

 

[vsylvia]

Wow! these budgets are scary high! but i''m a student living off student loans, haha! My engagement ring cost under $3K and i thought that was pricey. for our wedding it''s gonna be small (25 people) as neither of us have extended families. i''m hoping to keep the wedding cost under $3K too. we really want a house so saving for a down payment is priority #1.
for the poll i''d vote big rock/small wedding cause i''d get to enjoy my ring everyday as opposed to one day of enjoyment. plus i''m the type who never fully enjoys parties. i think an intimate dinner sans la dancing is the funnest. and i''m not sure if i''d do the upgrade thing...

 

[vsylvia]

OH, plus jewelry can be passed on as heirlooms so i think it makes more sense to invest in that.

 

[movie zombie]

i''m too practical, i''d take the $25,000 and use it to buy a condo/house.

justice of the peace, narrow 18K wedding band, and my own space with my honey = priceless. then throw a housewarming/reception and invite everyone over for a party.

that would be assuming i had the $25K in the first place if i was young and getting married for the first time. so many don''t and end up in debt for the wedding, the ring, AND the condo/house.

peace, movie zombie

 

[ccuheartnurse]

My choice, small wedding....big rock.

As someone mentioned that even a small wedding in NY costs about $25K, a small wedding in Toronto, is basically the same thing. I went smaller than most of my relatives/friends as both of us are Italian & by cultural rights should have had everyone & everyones relatives there totalling about 400 people, we skimmed down to the most important & ended up with 165 anyway. So, $38K later, a small wedding was had. You know, I look back, & there''s no way I would change anything. We also went to Hawaii for 2 wks so I wasnt compromising on much was I?!

I had dinner with my wedding group just last week & a friend of mine was trying to figure out how to skimp on her wedding band. She has a micropave setting (about 2mm) & wanted to put a similar band in front & behind her e-ring. She was going on & on about how she loved it but didnt want to spend the money. I put it in perspective for her. I spent the same amount of $$$ on my flowers as I did on my wedding band. I''m reminded of how beautiful my flowers were when I look at my pictures (since they''re long dead & gone). BUT, when I want to appreciate the beauty of my rings, I just look at my left hand & they twinkle at me.

I told her I admire them every day I wear them. She said she never thought of it that way but I made some sense. Hmmm, my friends still cant come out & tell me I''m not nuts. LOL

Judy

 

[sarita]

Big Rock... but then again I don''t want a big wedding. (Isn''t the answer a little skewed assuming you do have a clear preference? I mean for me it''s not like I was really torn in my decision. I dunno)

I don''t want something too simple or completely un-wedding (ie Justice of the Peace) or crazy like Vegas but I can''t see us with a big wedding for personal desires and practicality reasons - we don''t have big families (his is all out of the country anyway) and a huge # of friends to warrant one. I do want a nice real wedding gown, cake, certainly some of the traditional fixings. I also want a destination wedding (luckily he likes the idea too) so it would have to be smaller for financial reasons.

I got the diamond bug so of course I say the Rock and you could say the diamond lasts longer than the wedding day but *I* think it''s ridiculous to compromise (beyond a certain point, of course) on what should be one of the most special days/moments of your life to swing a bigger rock. Especially considering most of the women who go this way end up upgrading anyway. The wedding is also shared whereas much of the joy a woman gets from her E-ring is pretty unique to her.

Oh, and if you must go simpler/cheaper than you''d like to on the wedding, certainly splurge and enjoy that honeymoon!

 

[lmurden]

Date: 11/23/2003 3:40:42 PM
Author: oldminer
I vote for the big wedding and smaller diamond. You can always buy a larger stone for an important anniversary present, but you can only marry the first time ONCE. A second or thrid marraige may require the big stone and the ''intimate'' sort of wedding since you have already had your opportunity before, but for a first timer, the BIG Wedding is going to be a ton of fun for you, your family and your friends. Those memories, like diamonds, do last forever.....

While it is not a rule written in stone, I''d say the important three or four main social events of your life are more important than material items. Life is temporal, events are fleeting. You can always buy more and bigger ''stuff'' anytime you want. You can only have a few great events in an entire lifetime. Might as well enjoy them.

What a great perspective! Getting married for the first time is such a special event in ones life that if you wanted a large wedding but couldn''t afford a killer rock you could always upgrade later.

I personal wanted a beautiful wedding set and an intimate elegant wedding.