Bride Wars - do you know any in real life?

[gryffindor]

I saw a commercial on TV the other day for this movie and I immediately had to call one of my best friends. We have talked (ok, maybe a little gossip too) endlessly about various bride wars we''ve witnessed over the past decade. It seems like they aren''t an uncommon event in our community. Not only do the brides go to war, the families are in on it too. For example, we witnessed two best friends turn cold on each other when bride #2 announced her engagement soon after bride #1 and then set her wedding date before bride #1''s. They had to put up with each other for months because the community insisted on throwing them (multiple!) bridal showers together, and they were attendants in each other''s weddings since they were best friends for decades before the bride wars and it would have looked bad otherwise... In another scenario of two different brides, bride #2 decided to hold an elaborate bachelor party weekend and bride #1 (who was already married at this point) raised hell all weekend because she hadn''t thought to do the same for herself when she got married a few months prior. I''m finding myself in a pre-bride war the past year since the mother of a close friend of mine who is the same age as me has strained our friendship. The reason is because I am in a long-term relationship and her daughter is not, therefore I may beat her daughter to an engagement and marriage and this makes her (the mother) jealous. Now Hollywood is making a movie out of all this insanity!

Anyone have stories of some bride wars?

My girlfriends and I are of course going to see this movie!

 

[that_someone_special]

No, I think it''s crazy people would do that or act that way to their friends... hmm.. but then again, I don''t know that many people ready to marry anytime soon!

 

[trillionaire]

Most of my friends aren't married yet, and I am always only happy for them when they get engaged. I would think it was totally absurd for someone to be self-absorbed enough to think that my relationship, engagement or wedding had anything to do with anyone but FF and I.

BUT, the movie looks funny!

 

[Mediterranean]

I''ve seen it with strangers, when I lived on the West Coast. There''s a really pretty venue in L.A. called the LA River Center and Gardens. The bonus is, for how beautiful it is, it'' is (or was back in 2004) EXTREMELY affordable. Nothing in the L.A. metro came close in that price point. So, brides would stake the place out, bring lawn chairs, sleeping bags, etc. At the time, I was MOH for a close friend, and we lined up because the deal was just THAT good. Well, what we saw made us quietly slink away fro the insanity. Brides yelling and arguing and even BRIBING each other over dates, times, etc. CRAZY!

but that''s the closest thing I''ve ever seen to a "Bride War" aside from those TV shows that show a sample sale at a fancy dress store...

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I''ve seen that before, but luckily not so much now. I have 4 friends who are engaged and we will ALL be married next year! The first one is May 2 and the last one is November 7 (and I don''t even have my date yet but it will be Aug-Oct).

I think it was a bit stressful prior to everyone setting their dates and the tone of their weddings (everyone was afraid to have the exact same thing), but we are having very, very different weddings. The first will be a very casually chic backyard affair, the first in June will be a ballroom event (including the actual wedding), the second in June will be a very classic church/ballroom wedding, the last one in November will be a California vinyard wedding and mine will be a destination wedding.

It''s actually been really fun to go shopping for stuff and see what everyone else is doing. I am throwing two of the showers and I am really glad that they have completely different personalities. One will be a "Pretty in Pink" shower and the other will be a "Round the Clock" shower. We are thinking of taking a trip just the girls to either NYC or Vegas as our joint bachlorette, but we will see what happens. I want my bachelorette to be a round of Bar Golf.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Yikes! These are the same gals who secretly get all bent out of shape when one of them is pregnant and then a friend shows up pregnant too, or someone they know wants to use the same name as what they picked out for their baby (despite never having told anyone what the name is). Its all about feeling like someone is stealing their thunder.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 12/11/2008 12:21:27 PM
Author: trillionaire
Most of my friends aren''t married yet, and I am always only happy for them when they get engaged. I would think it was totally absurd for someone to be self-absorbed enough to think that my relationship, engagement or wedding had anything to do with anyone but FF and I.

BUT, the movie looks funny!

ITA. I find the whole concept ridiculous. Super lame, really.

That said, I want to see the movie too! Go Team Hudson, haha.

 

[Clairitek]

I doubt I''ll experience any drama like this sort of stuff. I do have one mildly competitive friend but I know she means well and I take her weird comments with a grain of salt.

This is sort of how its been with my close friend (I''m her MOH for her Oct 2009 wedding) since I got engaged 3 months after her... Last night I was on the phone with her talking about whether or not I wanted to buy this dress I found for a great deal on eBay. Its a Paloma Blanca dress and she just purchased her own wedding gown this weekend, also a Paloma Blanca (PB happens to be my FAVORITE dress designer). I was going on about how much of a great deal the dress is but it doesn''t WOW me like I thought it might.
After some more discussion she says "When the seamstress takes my dress in for me I''ll just have her leave the extra fabric on the seams so it can be let out if you need it and want to wear it to your wedding." (She wasn''t trying to say that I''m big or anything, she just has an insanely tiny waist and normal sized hips for her frame so it will need to be taken in on the waist). What a nice offer! Shes just SO the opposite of possessive/catty that she has offered to let me wear her dress if I want. I thought that was very kind of her.

 

[DMBsGirl]

i lost a best friend and maid of honor over some crazy bride wars-ish stuff. first she got insanely jealous when i got engaged, to the point that she didn''t want to see my ring because it would upset her that she wasnt engaged. then she got engaged, but was still unhappy because her ring wasn''t "big enough." then we went away on my bachelorette party to vegas and on the last day she blew up and gave us all the silent treatment because noone had been paying attention to her. when we returned from vegas she was so angry at us she erased all the pictures she''d taken (she was the designated picture taker) so i have very few pics of the trip. needless to say she is no longer my friend....

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 12/11/2008 9:01:13 PM
Author: DMBsGirl
i lost a best friend and maid of honor over some crazy bride wars-ish stuff. first she got insanely jealous when i got engaged, to the point that she didn''t want to see my ring because it would upset her that she wasnt engaged. then she got engaged, but was still unhappy because her ring wasn''t ''big enough.'' then we went away on my bachelorette party to vegas and on the last day she blew up and gave us all the silent treatment because noone had been paying attention to her. when we returned from vegas she was so angry at us she erased all the pictures she''d taken (she was the designated picture taker) so i have very few pics of the trip. needless to say she is no longer my friend....

OMG... this is HORRIBLE behavior! Thats so sad that she behaved that way and deleted your pictures. What did she have to say when you told her that her MOH services were no longer needed?

 

[Starry-eyed]

I have a similar story:

A good friend of mine from college was engaged for a while before one of her friends from high school became engaged. So my friend, we''ll call her V, planned a date with her FI and booked a venue and everything. Then, her high school friend booked her wedding a couple of days after V...

Long story short, they were both one another''s bridesmaids, and V had to wait until after her friend''s wedding to have her own honeymoon-- I would have been furious if I were her!!!

 

[gryffindor]

Wow Clairitek, that is really generous of your friend to offer. A bride looking for war would have been furious at you for even thinking of using the same designer as her.

 

[LaraOnline]

I guess I''ve always been too much of a free spirit to keep up proper contact with my friends, let alone get married in competition with them!
Battles with girlfriends are something that I''ve avoided so far at all costs.
It seems so .... surburban! But kinda fun!

 

[Thomperchik]

I haven''t experianced anything like this, but I do have that one friend that talks about her wedding dress, ring, locatio, blah, blah will be better than all of our mutual friends (including myself). I just laugh...

 

[musey]

Date: 12/11/2008 2:59:06 PM
Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 12/11/2008 12:21:27 PM
Author: trillionaire
Most of my friends aren''t married yet, and I am always only happy for them when they get engaged. I would think it was totally absurd for someone to be self-absorbed enough to think that my relationship, engagement or wedding had anything to do with anyone but FF and I.

BUT, the movie looks funny!

ITA. I find the whole concept ridiculous. Super lame, really.

That said, I want to see the movie too! Go Team Hudson, haha.

Also agreed... except for the wanting-to-see-the-movie part

 

[gwendolyn]

I don''t know if it counts since it was after the fact, but I was at a party of the (then) girlfriend of one of my best friends (B) and most of the people at the party were the friends of B''s girlfriend (who I wasn''t crazy about but whatev, they''re married now). Anyway, about four of the women there had gotten married within the past year or two, and all seemed to have to one-up each other. First it was in relation to engagement rings (carat weight and amount of money spent), then it was the wedding itself and the wedding gifts their husbands gave them. They all just kept making catty remarks to each other and boasting about their budgets and what they could afford to do at their weddings.

It''s not going too far to say I was disgusted with them. My estimation of B''s girlfriend went down a bit for hanging out with people like that too. Just, ew. A thousand times, ew.

 

[DMBsGirl]

Date: 12/11/2008 9:08:45 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 12/11/2008 9:01:13 PM
Author: DMBsGirl
i lost a best friend and maid of honor over some crazy bride wars-ish stuff. first she got insanely jealous when i got engaged, to the point that she didn''t want to see my ring because it would upset her that she wasnt engaged. then she got engaged, but was still unhappy because her ring wasn''t ''big enough.'' then we went away on my bachelorette party to vegas and on the last day she blew up and gave us all the silent treatment because noone had been paying attention to her. when we returned from vegas she was so angry at us she erased all the pictures she''d taken (she was the designated picture taker) so i have very few pics of the trip. needless to say she is no longer my friend....

OMG... this is HORRIBLE behavior! Thats so sad that she behaved that way and deleted your pictures. What did she have to say when you told her that her MOH services were no longer needed?

well let''s just say she got really nasty! it ended with a "i''m glad you''re not my problem anymore, now you''re (new moh)''s problem now!" AS IF!!!

we had an amazing time in vegas, and truthfully I think she was angry it wasn''t for HER. she planned most of it (duh she was MOH) so I think she expected to be doted on more. it was very silly and childish. one of the other girls who was with us was her friend, and we knew her casually, even she doesn''t speak to her anymore but still speaks to the rest of us.

 

[purrfectpear]

Women who participate in that sort of behavior are not mature enough to be getting married. Brides get a DAY...not a month, not a year. They need to get over themselves ASAP.

 

[anyname]

When i was reading everyone''s stories i was thinking, "oh thank goodness i didn''t have that craziness at my wedding!" But after some deeper thinking, i think i did. One of my bridesmaid refused to participate in anything, she didn''t even come to my shower. It always one excuse after another. But there''s more competition between her and the girl who was my MOH, even though the bridesmaid is engaged and the MOH is no where close to being engaged. At first i thought my MOH was exaggerating because she tends to be overly dramatic, but now i don''t know.
The MOH is the type of girl that always talked about her dream wedding, every last detail down to the the pattern on the cake. But has never really had a serious enough relationship that it would warrant such day dreaming. Anyway, the bridesmaid who is a mutual friend basically takes MOH''s ideas and TA DA instant wedding. The same wedding colors (which granted are common, red and white), same flowers, same dress designer, same color for the bridesmaid dresses. The bridesmaid who swore up and down that she would never get married because "marriage is just stupid and lame and i don''t understand why anyone would get married"

also said she would NEVER want kids EVER, has decided she wants to name her kid (when ever that would be) the name that MOH had always dreamed of naming her kid. I know people change their minds, especially on matters of marriage and children, but this girl would snare at the mere mention of marriage. But as soon as her friends were getting engaged she started to pressure her bf.

It''s all very dramatic and kind of funny, in a when i look back on this kind of way. Well, maybe not to MOH, but i''m sure someone will be laughing.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/12/2008 1:22:07 PM
Author: musey

Date: 12/11/2008 2:59:06 PM

Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 12/11/2008 12:21:27 PM

Author: trillionaire

Most of my friends aren''t married yet, and I am always only happy for them when they get engaged. I would think it was totally absurd for someone to be self-absorbed enough to think that my relationship, engagement or wedding had anything to do with anyone but FF and I.

BUT, the movie looks funny!

ITA. I find the whole concept ridiculous. Super lame, really.

That said, I want to see the movie too! Go Team Hudson, haha.

Also agreed... except for the wanting-to-see-the-movie part

Hahaha-ditto Musey! I actually dislike the premise of the movie a lot. It''s so typical catfight/silly women and their weddings/bridezilla/grown women acting like high school girls/women can''t be friends because they''re always competing/etc.

What can I say, I''m a humorless feminist!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 12/12/2008 3:15:12 AM
Author: gryffindor
Wow Clairitek, that is really generous of your friend to offer. A bride looking for war would have been furious at you for even thinking of using the same designer as her.

I know! The only reason I even discovered Paloma Blanca (prior to coming to PS of course) was because another very good friend of mine wore a PB dress to her own wedding in October 2007. I know both of these friends from a sorority (if we were to follow stereotypes I suppose we should be at war

) and I suppose we just all have similar taste. I know our weddings will be very different though. We will probably not have many guests in common.

The girl who just bought her dress only did it this last weekend. She is due to come dress shopping with me in a week and a half and I was so worried that I would find my dream dress before her and potentially eliminate a choice. I felt that since she got engaged first and her wedding will be probably 6-12 months before mine that she deserved first pick. She actually wants me to try on her dress when we go shopping to see if I like it and we could each save some money.

Yeah... we''re not catty at all! Hopefully this will continue.