Bridezilla Story

[njc]

DH and I think this is hilarious and I hope I dont offend anyone on this...

The background: I have a cousin that is getting married and she has two registries. Both are large chain stores, but only one of them is located where our family lives. Most of our family is older and not computer savvy, so buying online is out, and I doubt any of them would be willing to drive the 2 hours to get to the closest store.

The story: My cousins grandmother bought her a few things at a store other than where they are registered. Apparently the cousin threw a HUGE hissy-fit at her grandmother

and made her mother send an email to everyone in the family saying they better buy things off her registry or else! The reason: because they spent hours picking everything that they wanted from the two stores they selected.

Okay, now I understand the time it takes to go through and pick stuff out, especially when your FI isnt in to it like mine was. And I had my fair share of gifts that werent from my registry. Some of them were fantastic... others that couldnt be returned were offered to friends and then donated (at least someone is enjoying them!). But COME ON! Making your mom threaten your family?!?! Sounds like a bridezilla to me!

 

[upgrading mama]

um can anyone say "spoiled brat".. these are gifts, after all. Since when do we dictate what we get??? geesh.

rEgistratration isn''t a guarantee..

 

[Pandora II]

I never buy gifts from the registry - I aways buy a piece of antique english silver as a gift. The only time I didn''t was when the couple asked for $$$ towards their honeymoon.

I always hated the idea of just buying 6 plates or something.

 

[diamondfan]

That is pretty gross. A gift is not obligatory in my opinion, so the fact that one gets a gift should be appreciated for the thought and if you hate it, return it or donate it as mentioned above. That attitude alone would make me want to go out of my way to get something off the registry that she could not return or get her no gift at all. RUDE is the only way to describe it. And tacky if the mom does what she asked.

 

[WTNLVR]

Unbelieveable. Actually sounds like something my SIL would have done. She never sent out thank you notes for the shower or wedding gifts. Mayby because we didn''t buy off the registry?? LOL .
I can''t believe how rude some people are!

 

[njc]

Pandora - I love it when people have an item they always get, like your silver. My parents have a neighbor that always gives these beautiful hand-crafted benches. Me and my brothers all have one, but each one is different and will always remember who gave it to us. My china... i know who gave it to us, but could match plates to names!

diamondfan - When my mom first told me of this email (and believe me its real and tacky), my first thought was "I'm getting her a gift card to another store!"

And its not even like the items are special to that store... its mostly kitchen basics, sheets and towels. Makes me wonder if they have another motive for this... like returning everything and getting something else...

 

[FireGoddess]

So ridiculous. We stuck to national chains so that nobody would have a problem even if they don''t do the internet thing. But throwing a hissy and threatening your family? Now that''s classy.

 

[sumbride]

Wow! That''s exactly why we''re making an effort to register at stores convenient to the majority of our guests. FI and I live in a "big city" and have access to almost any store we want, but we recognize that registering at Bloomingdales or Nordstrom would be silly since only about 10% of our guests could actually drive to the store and buy something! While we shop online extensively, I don''t expect Great Aunt Ethel to do so. A registry is about stating preferences not demanding specifics, but I guess not everybody "gets" that.

Pandora, I think your gift is wonderful, but some people don''t have that level of taste. I know someone that never buys off the registry either but her gifts are TACKY art creations. Sometimes it''s good to stick to the registry, especially if you don''t know the couple well or their decor. We''re hoping the majority of our guests do but we certainly won''t threaten anybody. Any ceramic rooster bowls that can''t be returned will go directly to ebay.

 

[Mara]

personally for me i'd rather have no gift than some random thing that someone thinks are cool. gifts are not a requirement but if people DO decide to give, then i always think they should give the actual recipient some thought. i ALWAYS try to give people things that i know they will love rather than things *I* think are super cool. especially for a wedding. i actually love shopping off the registries because i know the couple really wanted that stuff and i remember how jazzed i was when we got things off the registry vs aunt so and so giving us some fancy bbq lighter in silver...

so many of the old traditions around weddings are so loosey goosey now anyway, what is wrong with being honest up front to guests. if someone can say 'please donate to our honeymoon fund rather than giving any physical gifts' then why can't someone else say 'we need items from our registry more than anything else, so please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all' kind of thing? i know it's probably not the popular opinion, it's like it's taboo to even discuss what kind of gift, like you should just be grateful someone gave you something....which i don't really agree with.

 

[kcoursolle]

someone needs to remind her that giving a gift is optional, and something to be thankful for!

 

[Maria D]

Date: 9/10/2006 3:03:04 PM
Author: Mara

so many of the old traditions around weddings are so loosey goosey now anyway, what is wrong with being honest up front to guests. if someone can say ''please donate to our honeymoon fund rather than giving any physical gifts'' then why can''t someone else say ''we need items from our registry more than anything else, so please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all'' kind of thing? i know it''s probably not the popular opinion, it''s like it''s taboo to even discuss what kind of gift, like you should just be grateful someone gave you something....which i don''t really agree with.

Wow, I''m almost speechless at this. Etiquette is just that, etiquette. Etiquette is not an "old wedding tradition." It is in no way tactful for someone to say ''please donate to our honeymoon fund..." It isn''t taboo to discuss what kind of gift you like -- but only if you are ASKED first. For example, ''Mara dear, I''d really like to get you something you really want -- please tell me what it is'' to which you can answer -- ''we need honeymoon money or any of the lovely things we registered for.'' Other than that, it''s classless to ask for a particular type of gift. The registry is for convenience, not a demand. If there''s something you truly desire, don''t have a wedding to receive it. Earn the money and buy it yourself; gifts are frosting on the cake! You are having a wedding, (or birthday, etc.) not a fundraiser.

And yes, you are supposed to at least *act* grateful if someone gives you something -- even if it''s something they think is cool and doesn''t reflect your personal tastes. You can do whatever you like with it, e-bay, goodwill, whatever, but if you have any class at all you''ll send a thank-you note that at the very least thanks the person for thinking of you at your special time. Come on, weren''t we all taught this at a young age? Or did your parents let you say, Granny, I really don''t like hand-knit mittens -- please give me money or nothing at all would be OK too.

This has nothing to do with the ''popular opinion,'' it''s just very very basic etiquette!

 

[Mara]

it may not be 'tactful' in your opinion to ask for a donation to a honeymoon fund or whatever for a wedding gift, but many people do it now. in fact my cousin is doing it right now and we could care less that they were up front about asking for what they REALLY WANTED and probably needed if they were not asking for gifts. maybe they couldn't afford a honeymoon on their own after paying for the wedding and it makes us happy to know that they are getting something they will really enjoy other than something i think is cool. i didn't think it was tacky at all and i wasn't shocked they did that. neither were my parents or grandparents by the way. i think it just speaks to a more open-minded audience most times.

i view the old school 'hush-hush' etiquette as something that is just that...'old school'. of course if someone gives me a gift, i say thank you and i wrote a thank you card for all my gifts because i WAS taught to be polite and say thank you regardless...but inside i am thinking gosh i'd rather have gotten nothing at all because now i have to find a spot in the house for this thing OR spend my time trying to sell it on ebay OR giving it to goodwill...and to me it's just sad because it's fairly easy to give people gifts that they could actually want to have. i actually find that it seems like 'older generations' typically are the ones who give things THEY think are really awesome rather than stopping to think about what the 'couple' would really want. we got some wedgewood crystal stuff from my parents friends and my dad's friends and we were like WHAT do we do with this??? we ended up have fun drinking out of the elaborate wine glasses from time to time but really it was a lot of money spent that was NOT necessary and probably not remotely appreciated enough by us more simplistic modernish crate & barrel types.

so yep, quite honestly, i'd much rather have nothing at all AND i wouldn't think any less of someone who didn't get me something because of it. it's really a waste for someone to spend time and money to give me something i wouldn't use or don't even want in my opinion or then have to dispose of. and i DO feel bad getting rid of random gifts which is why i'd much rather it never happened. so honesty about what you really want in my opinion is a valued trait. of course i'm not saying to rage to the guests to say 'DONT YOU DARE blah blah'...but my cousin included a note in with his invitation and he gave the details for the honeymoon fund and kind of 'stressed' that is what they really wanted. so of course i am going to get them what they want.

and just for the record, i hate the term 'feeling grateful'....no one should feel obligated to be grateful for anything other than physical and emotional basics in my opinion. bad wedding gifts? not on the list!!

 

[rainbowtrout]

I'd rather not have people waste their money on something I won't use...it seems kind of wasteful on both sides. I always feel its more indulgent for me to NOT tell people what I would like and to expect them to guess/read my mind.


I think I will probably have a "honeymoon fund" registry, I have heard there are websites you can do that for now. I also enjoy the idea of weddings where the "registry" is the couple's favorite charity (assuming they don't need the typical household items).

Of course if someone wants to get you something else, they want to get you something else. I think it's a bit silly to purposefully ignore what the couple let you know they could use, but to each his own.


OTOH, I only answer the "what do you want" question when it is asked. My family and close friends seem to prefer this system, so I guess I am used to it. But when our larger group of aquaintences had the wonderful kindness to throw us an engagement party, I didn't ask for anything specific.

 

[diamondfan]

I think Maria you hit a nail on the head. I have taught my kids to says thank you and know that most times, time and effort were put in, even if the gift is not your first choice. Even when they were younger, I told them, if you get something and hate it or have one at home just like it, just say thanks for thinking of me. To me, you have a wedding to celebrate, gifts are truly optional (though most people would never go to a wedding without one and many people send a gift even if they cannot attend) and beyond registering, there is really not much you can do. I htink most people expect a couple to register at a variety of stores, and can ask the bride to be or mother etc "are they registered anywhere?" and then go and get what they want. I am only sometimes upset if there are no gifts left that are substantial, I like to put something together that is meaningful. But, I also know this is stuff they do want, so it is not my choice or based on my judgement. We got some HIDEOUS stuff for our wedding, and we wrote nice notes and then gave it away if it was not returnable. I have also seen people who are getting remarried or are older and very established put an enclosure saying no gifts please or if one wants to give something, please make a donation to a favorite charity of their chosing, in honor of the wedding. This is a nice option for a couple who does not need any more picture frames or bowls or juicers. I think some of the strictness of etiquette is relaxing now, and I am not pleased about some of the changes (i.e. I think emailing thank you''s is uncool, you can send an email to let the person know you did get it, but nothing replaces a nicely written note in my opinion...

 

[rainbowtrout]

yeah, the written thank you note in black or blue ink on nice paper is truly non negotiable. I even write them for my grandparents. Pappy has saved all of them since I was old enough to write them for her. Sometimes she trots them out at holidays to read and show the embarrassing pictures I used to "illustrate" them with.

I do think its important to remember that the most important and classy thing is truly making an effort, though, not judgeing others on their adherance to some rule they may or may not know. Mom used to say "Manners are learned. Class isn''t."

 

[diamondfan]

I agree. That is why I think, you register, to make it easy on people who want to get you just what you want. If asked, of course you tell them about being registered. And honestly, when I gice a gift, I really try to get the person what he/she wants, the gift is not about me but them. But, that said, not everyone is like that. If hte gift is not the main point, I think you just have to be gracious and appreciative and quietly deal it. If i is your Aunt Tilly and she gave you an especially ugly thing that she will expect to see when she comes over, you can pretend to have been robbed or hat it broke, darn it..sniff sniff...then no one''s feelings are hurt. I think the difference is if someone asks, you tell. If they do not and you dislike the gift, behave graciously. And for pity sake DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM TO BLAST OR THREATEN would be guests. How awful can one be? Really makes one want to go out and spend some money on her!

 

[Maria D]

Date: 9/10/2006 5:07:53 PM
Author: Mara
and just for the record, i hate the term ''feeling grateful''....no one should feel obligated to be grateful for anything other than physical and emotional basics in my opinion. bad wedding gifts? not on the list!!

No one said you were obligated to *be* grateful; you''re only obligated to *act* grateful, if you want to be perceived as being polite.

Where my philosophies differ completely from yours is on why there is gratitude in the first place. It''s not for the materialistic aspect of the gift, it''s for the "emotional basic," as you say, of having someone think enough of you to get you a gift at all. You look at a wedding gift as "good" (something we really want) or "bad" (something the giver wanted us to have that we don''t want/need/prefer). I look at it as a token of affection that is customarily given to a couple who is marrying. I can''t imagine ever thinking of a wedding gift as bad. If it''s something that I end up re-gifting or returning I do NOT think, what a shame, that poor person wasted their time/money giving me this gift. The whole point was that they chose to give me a gift for a special occasion. They honored me with a gift, the end. OK, if it was an insult gift -- dead roses on Valentine''s Day comes to mind -- that would be different. But the embroidered tablecloth with matching napkins set that I''ll never, ever, use (not even sure where it ended up!) is still thought of fondly as what my husband''s aunt thought a new bride should have. It makes me think of her and smile. Maybe the $50 would have been more useful spent on a couple of entrees in Aruba in 1989 but then I wouldn''t have this priceless reminder of dear ''ol Aunt Marge. Even if I *had* sold the set on e-bay, it''s the memory of getting what *she* thought was a good gift that is treasured. On the other hand, there was the very cool gift of a sizeable check (paid for our entire first living room set) from my husband''s godparents. Useful yes, but treasured because they thought so much of him.

To say you''d rather they got you something you really want or not bother getting a gift at all is not "modernish," it''s being a control-freak, in my opinion. It''s one thing to "manage your male" and quite another to manage your wedding guests! It''s not the recipient''s job to pick out the gift, it''s the giver''s job. The registry "tradition" is for convenience of the *guests* not the recipients. I do realize that people now register for honeymoons, or honeymoon "stuff." Again, as a way to tell your friends/family that here''s something they can get/contribute to if they want, fine. But to say -- contribute to this or don''t bother with a gift at all, because something you think is cool may be a waste of my time and won''t be appreciated -- is beyond tacky. It assumes you know better than the giver what they should give (again, their perogative, not yours) and is just plain spoiled, in my opinion. I guess you''re not really *saying* that, just thinking it -- which is a good thing! At least I''m assuming you never told your parents'' friends that what they felt was a thoughtful gift was actually a waste and not appreciated. As for your cousin stressing what he really wanted in the invitation --- I''m curious as to what happens if he doesn''t get it or doesn''t get enough? No honeymoon? Or does he charge the honeymoon in advance and hope the family comes through before the credit card bill? Seems to me the grown-up thing to do is budget for a reception and honeymoon or forgo one or both -- not count on your guests to fund it.

I''m curious as to how far you think this kind of thing can go? For example, I''m sure you get a lot of cute birthday/holiday presents from friends/family throughout the year. Maybe some are things you''ve hinted you want and some are things they thought would be neat for you to have. If you''re a hinter, you probably choose a price range that you know the giver would be spending anyway. But what if instead of all those little gifts, you could amass the funds into something big, like say your next upgrade. If Whiteflash started an "upgrade registry" that your loved ones could contribute to, would that be good and "modern"? Just think of it, instead of little $50 -- $100 gifts you could get the upgrade you plan on getting anyway without having to pay for the whole thing yourself. These people were going to use their money on *something* for a gift to you, so it shouldn''t make any difference what it''s on as long as it''s the same amount that they''d spend anyway. Why should they care that they didn''t choose the gift, if it''s what *you* really want -- which according to you is the whole purpose of gift-giving. No different than a honeymoon fund. Uh-oh -- maybe I''m on to something here .

 

[rainbowtrout]

OK, I'm reasonably certain there's a middle ground here...


It's not tasteful for a gift-recipient to demand things at all, or even to request them too strongly. By the same token, it seems crass to me to ignore what a couple politely made known they wanted because *you* think you have a "better" gift idea. That's just as self absorbed as the couple who demands a particular gift!


I am not a fan of people who year after year give others what they themselves would want in their place, never actually looking outside their own preoccupations to think "gee, what would X person enjoy?" It strikes me as self-absorbed. Example--husband gets wife lingere for a given holiday. Wife prefers to wear flannel pajamas. Husband knows that. Who do we think the "gift" is really for? That's not having the consideration to get someone a gift at all, that's being selfish and imposing an obligation to thank you onto the recipient.

ETA: sometimes this is cute, such as the tablecloth MariaD recieved. But sometimes it's just as obnoxious as Bridezillas...

 

[Maria D]

Date: 9/11/2006 9:16:14 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
Example--husband gets wife lingere for a given holiday. Wife prefers to wear flannel pajamas. Husband knows that. Who do we think the ''gift'' is really for? That''s not having the consideration to get someone a gift at all, that''s being selfish and imposing an obligation to thank you onto the recipient.

LOL, I agree, but I think in these cases where someone you are intimate with keeps getting you something for him/herself, not you -- there are much deeper issues than the etiquette of gift giving!

Wedding gifts are a one-off deal and a guest is not necessarily your intimate -- and definitely not Santa Claus who is required to read your list before shopping!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 9/11/2006 9:31:23 AM
Author: Maria D

Date: 9/11/2006 9:16:14 AM

Author: rainbowtrout

Example--husband gets wife lingere for a given holiday. Wife prefers to wear flannel pajamas. Husband knows that. Who do we think the ''gift'' is really for? That''s not having the consideration to get someone a gift at all, that''s being selfish and imposing an obligation to thank you onto the recipient.

LOL, I agree, but I think in these cases where someone you are intimate with keeps getting you something for him/herself, not you -- there are much deeper issues than the etiquette of gift giving!


Wedding gifts are a one-off deal and a guest is not necessarily your intimate -- and definitely not Santa Claus who is required to read your list before shopping!

Yeah, I see your point. I think I''m having such a small wedding that my perspective is a little skewed--most of the people who are coming call me a week before a given holiday to demand "what do you want so I don''t have to think too hard about it?"

 

[Mara]

maria i LOVE your idea of an upgrade gift at whiteflash that people could funnel money into for me. fabulous!!! i'm sure at some point something like that would be possible.

you obviously have some serious issues with the way that i view things, and that's fine...i really don't care that you disagree. i knew that my post probably would take some heat. i'm just really glad you're not in my family and i'm sure you're really glad you don't have to get me any presents.

i view presents as 'things'...they ARE material goods. i don't need 'gifts' from people to know that my loved ones care about me. i buy people gifts because i think it'd be cool if they had XYZ. not because i want them to know i'm thinking of them. i can just call them and say i was thinking of you. therefore i personally don't place a ton of importance on the gifts themselves. which is why i'd rather get nothing than something i then have to store and/or sell and the person spent money they could have used elsewhere.

my parents actually request a 'list' from us each year for christmas, birthdays etc and we pretty much buy off that list. greg asks for a list so i give him one too. the result? a bunch of stuff i was going to buy for myself anyway and now i just don't have to.

anyway my point in the original post, before suddenly it turned into i must not have any class and i'm evil because i don't truly appreciate the crocheted potwarmers that auntie mimi gave me

, was that i don't personally see anything wrong with making your thoughts and wants and desires known to those who love you and who, assumedly, want to see you happy with the gift they are giving you. of course there is always going to be those weird gifts you have to store or get rid of, but wouldn't it be nice if that wasn't the case?! i don't subscribe to going off on guests or having the mom send a threatening email or anything like that...but i can totally relate to this original gal who is probably horrified at the thought of all the random crap she will be getting from people who mean well but are just wasting their money.

that's it....you don't have to agree and obviously don't....that's just my point of view. and it's also one that many people i know tend to subscribe to...so i know i'm not the minority.

personally, what is the point of viewing others as 'tacky' or 'classless' because they want to get what they want for their own wedding? in my opinion, a stringent view like yours is personally how i think so much wedding drama typically perpetuates. 'oh did you SEE what they asked for...that's so classless' as you probably would have if you got my cousin's wedding invitation with his prettily lettered card asking for honeymoon donations.

to each their own. really.

 

[Maria D]

Well Mara, I see I've had an effect on you because now you're changing your original stance.

Your first post did not *just* advocate that there's nothing wrong with people saying what they want for a gift. On that we agree, actually. What you said was this:

>>personally for me i'd rather have no gift than some random thing that someone thinks are cool. gifts are not a requirement but if people DO decide to give, then i always think they should give the actual recipient some thought. i ALWAYS try to give people things that i know they will love rather than things *I* think are super cool. especially for a wedding.p]
and then this:

>>why can't someone else say 'we need items from our registry more than anything else, so please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all'p]

In the first quote you are mentioning what you always do, which is fine. (Personally, I always give cash for wedding gifts, but that's beside the point.) But in the second, you are advocating that people should be allowed to request that *all* gift givers behave as Mara, lest they be seen as not respecting the couple's wishes. You rationalize it by saying that the "old rules" are "loosey-goosey." No, they are not. They are still valid and for very good reason -- the choice of gift is still the perogative of the gift giver, not the recipient. (Of course, one can always choose not to accept a gift.)

Now you're simply saying that it's OK to make desires known. From your last post:

>>my point in the original post... was that i don't personally see anything wrong with making your thoughts and wants and desires known to those who love you p]

I think everyone agrees with that; not a minority opinion at all. It's called registering, or writing a list for people who ASK for it, as your parents do at Christmas. "Please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all" is demanding, controlling and well, kind of childish. But you're no longer saying anything of the sort so I'm glad I took the time to post!

When you get that upgrade registry going, my advice is to leave off the 'please contribute or don't bother getting me anything' and you may very well go far with it; good luck.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/11/2006 8:30:17 PM
Author: Maria D

Well Mara, I see I''ve had an effect on you because now you''re changing your original stance.

Your first post did not *just* advocate that there''s nothing wrong with people saying what they want for a gift. On that we agree, actually. What you said was this:

>>personally for me i''d rather have no gift than some random thing that someone thinks are cool. gifts are not a requirement but if people DO decide to give, then i always think they should give the actual recipient some thought. i ALWAYS try to give people things that i know they will love rather than things *I* think are super cool. especially for a wedding.<<

and then this:

>>why can''t someone else say ''we need items from our registry more than anything else, so please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all''<<

In the first quote you are mentioning what you always do, which is fine. (Personally, I always give cash for wedding gifts, but that''s beside the point.) But in the second, you are advocating that people should be allowed to request that *all* gift givers behave as Mara, lest they be seen as not respecting the couple''s wishes. You rationalize it by saying that the ''old rules'' are ''loosey-goosey.'' No, they are not. They are still valid and for very good reason -- the choice of gift is still the perogative of the gift giver, not the recipient. (Of course, one can always choose not to accept a gift.)

Now you''re simply saying that it''s OK to make desires known. From your last post:

>>my point in the original post... was that i don''t personally see anything wrong with making your thoughts and wants and desires known to those who love you <<

I think everyone agrees with that; not a minority opinion at all. It''s called registering, or writing a list for people who ASK for it, as your parents do at Christmas. ''Please respect our wishes or give us nothing at all'' is demanding, controlling and well, kind of childish. But you''re no longer saying anything of the sort so I''m glad I took the time to post!

When you get that upgrade registry going, my advice is to leave off the ''please contribute or don''t bother getting me anything'' and you may very well go far with it; good luck.

Oh my god, this is pretty amusing. I don''t think I''ve ever seen anyone on here interpret someone else''s posts they way they want to, and then congratulate themselves for being the cause of some kind of enlightenment. While I understand points of both sides of this discussion, I don''t think Mara has changed her stance at all.

 

[Mara]

actually maria, i am NOT changing my original stance from my first post. i'm surprised that just because i didn't say again what i said in my first post that you thought i was 'changing' my stance. until i say i am changing my stance, i'm not.

in my first post i said 'why can't people be honest' about saying what you want OR saying you would prefer nothing. i never took that back from my original post. it was a QUESTION...why can't people do that? of course they can! they can do whatever they want!

my last post just reiterated that to me the point of my original post was to point out that i DON'T think there is anything wrong with making your wishes known. OF COURSE you can't actually FORCE someone to get you what you want off the registry and i would never have even tried that. but it'd be nice if there was a way that people would not consider it tacky to stress that. where is the middle ground.

in fact i thought of a great way to word it today...kind of like writing marketing emails which i am very adept at.

'don't want your wedding gift to sit in the dark hall closet, unused and unloved? avoid that by purchasing off the following registries!!'

if i got an invitation with a card like that i would just DIE laughing! i wouldn't be offended because it's SO TRUE. and probably what 1/2 the people are thinking when they are thinking 'registry or should i get creative'.

now do i think that THREATENING people via email or whatever is appropriate? NO WAY. but if you can think of a cool way to say 'hey i'd prefer you purchase from here or not at all' then go for it.

my real feeling in general is that it's THEIR wedding...so THEY can do whatever THEY want with whatever THEY want. it's no one else's place to judge in my opinion. if people don't like it, they don't have to give a gift.

i was thinking about this earlier as well. maybe it's just the way my family is. i gave my mom some earrings for her birthday last month that i had been waiting to arrive for months. they had been backordered and they finally came just in time for her birthday. i thought they were super cute. i give them to her, but turns out one of them was broken in transit...i didn't even think to check. i said okay let me get another pair for you. mom said actually i'd much rather have a pair of gardening shoes! i said what i love the earrings! she said yes they are cute but i'd rather have the shoes. i gave her some guff about it saying sorry mom you cant just CHOOSE what you want, it's me giving you the gift so you get what *I* want to give you. she was like no way !! so anyway of course i am getting her the shoes she wants. the earrings were just something i thought she'd like but if she really wants the shoes, she can have them. and good for her for telling me she wants them. i didn't see anything 'wrong' with it...and she obviously didn't either. and yes i have taken back gifts from my parents or grandmother if it's not what i want or like. we all have done that. anyway...quite possibly the way my family is, frankly honest about everything and gifts are no exception, gives me this view...who knows. i did profusely thank all my guests for their gifts, if they were something off the registry or not. but it woulda been nice if....well you know the story.

 

[Mara]

haha thanks TG....i didn't THINK i was smoking the crack pipe and somehow missed the part where i changed my stance....but you never can be sure!!!

 

[njc]

Wow.

I really dont have a problem with someone asking for money for their honeymoon or even saying please buy from our registry, which I usually do anyways. I just thought it was funny that my cousin flipped on her grandmother for buying something that was on her registry, but not from the store she selected and then made her mom send out the email. I could never imagine telling my grandmother I dont like your present, take it back! (although I dont know what she said, but in my head thats how it goes!

).

 

[decodelighted]

Well color me tacky and selfish and not "modern" and class-less. Because on our super casual wedding website, under a tab marked "booty" ... we left this message.


Bring ... it ... on.
And by that, we really mean - please come. That''s the important part.

But we did want to mention that in lieu of the traditional "gift table", we''ll be displaying a lovely box. And in that box there will be a slit. A slit approximately one inch by ten inches.

Humble Suggestions of What to Put In The Box
silvery packets of Pop-Tarts
plane tickets to exotic locales
congratulatory cards
loose gemstones
photos & negatives of either the bride or groom in compromising positions

Humble Suggestions of what not to put in the box
copies of said photographs attached to a blackmail attempt
your own plane tickets home
overdue blockbuster DVDs
anything liquid or currently on fire


p.s. -- we are expecting a lot of POP-TARTS, which is fine by us, ''cause we LOVE pop-tarts (and loose gems & exotic locale & not having our tiny cottage further stuffed with items we don''t use.)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/11/2006 11:01:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
Well color me tacky and selfish and not ''modern'' and class-less. Because on our super casual wedding website, under a tab marked ''booty'' ... we left this message.


Bring ... it ... on.
And by that, we really mean - please come. That''s the important part.

But we did want to mention that in lieu of the traditional ''gift table'', we''ll be displaying a lovely box. And in that box there will be a slit. A slit approximately one inch by ten inches.

Humble Suggestions of What to Put In The Box
silvery packets of Pop-Tarts
plane tickets to exotic locales
congratulatory cards
loose gemstones
photos & negatives of either the bride or groom in compromising positions

Humble Suggestions of what not to put in the box
copies of said photographs attached to a blackmail attempt
your own plane tickets home
overdue blockbuster DVDs
anything liquid or currently on fire


p.s. -- we are expecting a lot of POP-TARTS, which is fine by us, ''cause we LOVE pop-tarts (and loose gems & exotic locale & not having our tiny cottage further stuffed with items we don''t use.)

Deco, can I come to your wedding????

 

[njc]

Deco - Thats awesome. See, that was cute... not mean or tackey or anything else but CUTE!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/11/2006 11:03:08 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Deco, can I come to your wedding????

If I'm not mistaken, you already have PLANS that weekend?

Thanks NJC - I hoped the "cute" & mild entertainment value would outweigh the subtle guidence toward cards rather than "stuff"!

I should clarify perhaps that the "PS" was just to you guys ... we didn't take that xxx-tra step to tell everyone that our teensy home is overstuffed ... as much as we wanted to! Most of 'em probably know anyhow. If they've EVER been OVER ... or, ha, helped when he moved in!