Bridezilla Story

[Mara]

njc..maybe she just REALLY likes smoothies.

hehee.

 

[codex57]

My wife wants two toasters.

She sees them as kitchen "art".

So, we're compromising and I think I've convinced her to get a piece of kitchen "art" that I think is cool as well: that Kitchenaid mixer that you see on the Food Network in some bright color (bright colors go completely against her natural decorating tendencies).

We'll prolly never use it, but at least I'll have something bright and interesting to look at in the kitchen instead of everything being stainless steel.

 

[Blenheim]

I recently was invited to a wedding where the couple had registered at two stores, both for the same sets of things: two stand KitchenAid mixers, two handheld KitchenAid mixers, two toasters, two microwaves, et cetera. I just assumed that the problem was lack of coordination, although I grumbled a bit to FI as we were trying to figure out what to get them. While we both know the bride very well, neither of us are familiar with the taste of the groom and we thought it was best to get them something that they had picked out together. And even if they got too many glasses, they know where to return them.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/12/2006 2:47:11 PM
Author: codex57
My wife wants two toasters.

She sees them as kitchen ''art''.

HA!!!! Sounds like ME! We have two toasters ... one of which I bought in, get this, FRANCE ... so it can''t even be plugged in here. It has the word TOAST embossed in huge letters on the side and I LOVE IT.

Our other "kitchen art" ... this baby, in lime green. At the time I wanted a VW Bug ... but this scratched the same itch.

 

[codex57]

Date: 9/12/2006 3:04:15 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 9/12/2006 2:47:11 PM

Author: codex57

My wife wants two toasters.

She sees them as kitchen ''art''.

HA!!!! Sounds like ME! We have two toasters ... one of which I bought in, get this, FRANCE ... so it can''t even be plugged in here. It has the word TOAST embossed in huge letters on the side and I LOVE IT.


Our other ''kitchen art'' ... this baby, in lime green. At the time I wanted a VW Bug ... but this scratched the same itch.

Hahaha, glad to see my wife isn''t alone. I''m actually trying to get her to get the Kitchenaid mixer in that bright a red color. I figure if we''re going to have kitchen "art", might as well get one in a color that will give some "pop" to the kitchen. Costco sells it for a VERY reasonable price so even tho we don''t need it, it''s still quite a deal (which we love).

 

[Maria D]

Date: 9/12/2006 10:59:39 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Good grief, this is beating a dead horse. Could it be possible that what you quoted and perceive as two 'very different' sentiments are the same thing to Mara,

Yes, it's very possible, that's why I apologized.

which to me means that maybe not blatantly saying that EXACT thing but being a bit more subtle, like Deco's cute invite.'

Deco did not put anything on her invite, it's on her website -- presumably for people who ask? It's giving the info without being asked that makes it tacky. Sorry, but it's true.

' If someone were to send me an invitation with their registry info *and* the request that I buy from their selections or not at all, I'd just laugh; think, tacky tacky tacky; and then do/get whatever I felt like.'

Wow, this actually renders ME a bit speechless and speaks volumes to me about you. Is it about YOU or the people who are getting married?

The gifts I give are about me *and* the couple; they're about my relationship to the couple! I don't consider weddings, birthdays, holidays to be fundraisers where there's a goal that the person throwing the event hopes to attain. So what I give depends on how close I am to the couple, it has nothing to do with their lists -- which I never know about because I never ask about registries. My husband and I always give cash! So if someone were to say 'please buy from the registry or don't bother' I'd still give cash. Since I would consider anyone who would actually come out and say this to be a bit tacky, they're probably not someone I'd want to be close to -- so they're going to get less cash.

When my daughter was younger and had birthday parties, an informal 'registry grapevine' was already in place. The kids, being friends, know what the birthday celebrant wants and tell the parents. The parents call each other or the parent of b.day kid to try and prevent duplicates. You're usually only talking about 10-15 kids. Unless things have changed drastically in the last 8 years and five year olds now have parties with 100 guests?!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/12/2006 4:15:10 PM
Author: Maria D

Date: 9/12/2006 10:59:39 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Good grief, this is beating a dead horse. Could it be possible that what you quoted and perceive as two ''very different'' sentiments are the same thing to Mara,

Yes, it''s very possible, that''s why I apologized.

which to me means that maybe not blatantly saying that EXACT thing but being a bit more subtle, like Deco''s cute invite.''

Deco did not put anything on her invite, it''s on her website -- presumably for people who ask? It''s giving the info without being asked that makes it tacky. Sorry, but it''s true.

'' If someone were to send me an invitation with their registry info *and* the request that I buy from their selections or not at all, I''d just laugh; think, tacky tacky tacky; and then do/get whatever I felt like.''

Wow, this actually renders ME a bit speechless and speaks volumes to me about you. Is it about YOU or the people who are getting married?

The gifts I give are about me *and* the couple; they''re about my relationship to the couple! I don''t consider weddings, birthdays, holidays to be fundraisers where there''s a goal that the person throwing the event hopes to attain. So what I give depends on how close I am to the couple, it has nothing to do with their lists -- which I never know about because I never ask about registries. My husband and I always give cash! So if someone were to say ''please buy from the registry or don''t bother'' I''d still give cash. Since I would consider anyone who would actually come out and say this to be a bit tacky, they''re probably not someone I''d want to be close to -- so they''re going to get less cash.

When my daughter was younger and had birthday parties, an informal ''registry grapevine'' was already in place. The kids, being friends, know what the birthday celebrant wants and tell the parents. The parents call each other or the parent of b.day kid to try and prevent duplicates. You''re usually only talking about 10-15 kids. Unless things have changed drastically in the last 8 years and five year olds now have parties with 100 guests?!

On the part I highlighted: Yes, I realized a few posts later when Deco posted that I misread her initial post...apologies for the misunderstanding.

And apologies if I was also beating a dead horse. In the end, as Mara said, to each their own.

 

[codex57]

Date: 9/12/2006 4:15:10 PM
Author: Maria D

When my daughter was younger and had birthday parties, an informal ''registry grapevine'' was already in place. The kids, being friends, know what the birthday celebrant wants and tell the parents. The parents call each other or the parent of b.day kid to try and prevent duplicates. You''re usually only talking about 10-15 kids. Unless things have changed drastically in the last 8 years and five year olds now have parties with 100 guests?!

I''ve seen parties that big. Things get worse each year. Literally. I remember remarking about it cuz a friend of ours is a teacher and was telling us horror stories. Each year, literally, the stories got worse. My coworker/boss had a b-day party for his son. It was held at some party place. They invited some friends from their old neighborhood and the new one (they just moved). Apparently, those friends told others ones, etc. I think about 100 kids did show up. There are also crazy parents who will throw a huge party intentionally for their little ones (usually the ones who had kids late in life so lots of disposable income, but not always).

 

[njc]

Date: 9/12/2006 5:10:23 PM
Author: codex57

Date: 9/12/2006 4:15:10 PM
Author: Maria D

When my daughter was younger and had birthday parties, an informal ''registry grapevine'' was already in place. The kids, being friends, know what the birthday celebrant wants and tell the parents. The parents call each other or the parent of b.day kid to try and prevent duplicates. You''re usually only talking about 10-15 kids. Unless things have changed drastically in the last 8 years and five year olds now have parties with 100 guests?!

I''ve seen parties that big. Things get worse each year. Literally. I remember remarking about it cuz a friend of ours is a teacher and was telling us horror stories. Each year, literally, the stories got worse. My coworker/boss had a b-day party for his son. It was held at some party place. They invited some friends from their old neighborhood and the new one (they just moved). Apparently, those friends told others ones, etc. I think about 100 kids did show up. There are also crazy parents who will throw a huge party intentionally for their little ones (usually the ones who had kids late in life so lots of disposable income, but not always).

And give their daughters $50K sweet sixteen parties NOT including the brand new luxury vehicle.

What are their weddings going to be like!?!?!?

 

[codex57]

Date: 9/12/2006 7:18:31 PM
Author: njc

And give their daughters $50K sweet sixteen parties NOT including the brand new luxury vehicle.

What are their weddings going to be like!?!?!?

Hahaha, I saw that MTV show too. I was talking about elementary school kids, but yeah, when they hit 16, I can imagine their parents doing something similar... then the wedding! Whew!

 

[Mara]

Date: 9/12/2006 7:37:54 PM
Author: codex57

Date: 9/12/2006 7:18:31 PM
Author: njc

And give their daughters $50K sweet sixteen parties NOT including the brand new luxury vehicle.

What are their weddings going to be like!?!?!?

Hahaha, I saw that MTV show too. I was talking about elementary school kids, but yeah, when they hit 16, I can imagine their parents doing something similar... then the wedding! Whew!

i just read that WSJ article today too! is that where you saw it, njc???

it''s funny because my sister is turning sweet 16 on sunday and greg is like ''send her this article and tell her she is NOT getting a car from us!'' hahhaa.

 

[njc]

Didnt know there was an article today. Like Codex, Ive just seen the train wrecks on MTV. It's sickning... I had a pretty nice wedding, but it only cost a quarter of what these girls are getting for turning 16! All I got was dumped by my first boyfriend!

I'll have to look for the article. Happy birthday to your sister! You should get her a Matchbox car.

 

[Mara]

how funny!

the article is on wsj and i don't know if you can access it since it's typically a paid subscriber link, but here it is:

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB115768655167957361-lMyQjAxMDE2NTE3MjYxODI2Wj.html

it's called The Princess Treatment and is all about turning sweet 16 and how parents are spending up to 100k on parties for these girls with cars and the works.

thanks for the birthday wishes for my sis!

 

[gailrmv]

I usually just give a gift card to the store where the couple is registered because 1) I hate paying the store for the wrapping and shipping fees, I would rather that $$ go to the recipient and 2) they will probably not get everything off the registry and I hope they can use my gift card at the end to choose what they wanted the most and did not get.

 

[njc]

SICK! I just cant even imagine. Our kid(s) better not be expecting anything like that!

I''ll tell them to ask Grandma and Grandpa!

 

[TravelingGal]

I think parties to celebrate coming of age (16, or 15 in the case of hispanics) is nice. Full on bouts of lunacy where it costs them insane amounts of money, stress and potential prima donna attitudes are just not ok in my book. A woman and her family should only have to go through that once, IMHO...and that is to celebrate two people coming together (which is not a given) instead of someone turning a certain age (which is normally a given).

Actually, I always thought single women shouldn't be left old in the cold. Ever see that Sex and the City episode where Carrie registers for gifts to celebrate singlehood? I mean, if women make that choice, we should celebrate it! It's unfair for the singles to always have to fork out mula for the marrieds (wedding presents, baby shower presents, etc.) I think if a woman gets an awesome new job or a new promotion, there should be a party and registry for that!!!

ETA, Mara, didn't your sis JUST turn 15? Who did you give that darling little diamond pendant to?

 

[Mara]

TG that was my same sister, she was getting confirmed...it wasn't her birthday. So yeah I figure she already got her 'big' gift for the year so for her bday we are giving her... (drumroll, this is sooo lame) an alarm clock. Hey it's what she asked for! hahaha. But I am going to to also try to find her something cute and small and cool that can also be more fun and not 'useful'. hehee. She loves Hello Kitty stuff so maybe I'll go check out the Sanrio store.

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 9/12/2006 1:34:33 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 9/12/2006 12:04:40 AM

Author: diamondfan


I really cannot comprehend how it mattered to NYC's cousin that it WAS a gift she asked for, but was not from the STORE she went to. Wedgewood is the same from where ever, and though it is nice if it all comes from one store so you can return extra stuff,

I can think of only one logical reason that buying from the specified store is important.


It could be they want something ELSE from that same store, but perhaps it's too expensive to list on registry, etc. A way around that is to register for other things at that store with the intent to return them all and apply the credit toward the thing they really want......and to score the often applied registry discount to that desired item to boot.


That's the only thing that comes to mind.

That's what I thought. Only thing that could make any sense, but nothing warrants an outburst like that. Back in the dark ages when I got married, (16 years!) registries were simply not kept up as well. I ended up with 3 of certain things, like a juicer, because no one was updating and computers were not used. I returned two, and returned whatever was redundant, and bought some of my serving pieces or other things that were not purchased for whatever the reason.

 

[galeteia]

Why does the idea of a registry being a glorified christmas list offend me? Because when I think of christmas lists, I think of spoiled children from wealthy families (or just bratty children in general) throwing fits on christmas day because they A) didn''t get everything on their list- B) got something they didn''t request or- C) the heirloom doll their grandma passed down to them wasn''t the latest Malibu Barbie with the X,Y,Z accessories and temper tantrums abound.

My housemate still fills out a christmas list every year (she''s in her 4th year of university), because her family seems to think that spending money equals affection, and they would rather buy a load of stuff off her list than take the time to really think about her and her needs and put effort into the gift.

Also, she always knows what she''s getting for christmas. How depressing is that? When I open my gift (or gifts, sometimes) my reaction is always "Oooo! Where did you find this?! Squeee!" or in that vein. I am always pleasantly surprised.

I have no issue with registries, especially if they are for staples that the couple really needs like towels, guest bedsheets, cookware, dishes, etc. I don''t mind people putting the word around that they populated their registry with things they are dying to have, but dictating to your guests what they are allowed get for you, and what the cost will be, by insisting that they purchase from your registry is just offensive to me.

IMO, registries are to aid guests in making a choice, not a place to fill out an order.

 

[ephemery1]

To me, ordering off a registry is a matter of respect. Assuming I care about and respect the people whose event I am attending, I WANT to get them the things that I know for a fact they need and will use. Then I write out a nice card to add a personal touch. I think it''s presumptuous to assume that a gift I would choose on my own is going to be even better than the ones they''ve already put time and thought into highlighting on a registry. But I am a practical person by nature, and I don''t like the idea of people wasting money to buy a gilded, Victorian-style picture frame for me that is never going to get used. Ya know?

I very much agree with the statement Mara made earlier that the most thoughtful gifts are things that you know the other person will like, not just something that I think is great. For weddings, we almost always give money... for two young people starting a life together, they need practical, basic THINGS more than anything else... I am happy to contribute to that. For special occasions, I like giving things that I know the person wants but wouldn''t spend the money on for themselves... like getting my friend a Free People sweatshirt she''d been coveting as a "will you be my MOH?" present. She would never have justified a $100 sweatshirt on her own... and I wouldn''t have necessarily wanted it myself... but she was THRILLED to have it as a gift!

That said, I am also a huge fan of random, spontaneous "gifting" throughout the year. I think the most fun gifts are the little things that I find randomly, and when I see it, say "oooh that makes me think of ____!" But those just end up being $5 or $10 purchases here and there, nothing elaborate, just for the sake of letting a friend or family member know I was thinking about them that day.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I actually did''t know anyone growing up who even HAD a sweet sixteen party...I though the custom was disappearing.
I do know the quinquincera is coming up big now, and bar and bat mitvahs typically cost as much as a small wedding (or more). I do feel that the kid has to work for the bar mitzvah so it isn''t as bad as "just" a birthday party.

I have to admit Galateia, I made lists for my parents the whole way *through* university. They used to say "what do you want" so I sent them a decently varied list of things I would like and said "any one of these would be great." I''m not sure I understand the prejudice towards lists here..if my hard to buy for people would give me a list long enough so I could pick something, have a good price range, and still have it be a surprise, I would be pretty happy.

I do remeber acting like a little bratty brat about gifts a few times when I was young

Once when I was nine-ish I remember crying because, oh noooo, I didn''t get *anything* I wanted, horror of horrors. My poor dad and stepmother had really been very sweet and thoughtful, thinking back. Oh, youth.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 9/13/2006 8:29:04 AM
Author: ephemery1
To me, ordering off a registry is a matter of respect. Assuming I care about and respect the people whose event I am attending, I WANT to get them the things that I know for a fact they need and will use. Then I write out a nice card to add a personal touch. I think it''s presumptuous to assume that a gift I would choose on my own is going to be even better than the ones they''ve already put time and thought into highlighting on a registry. But I am a practical person by nature, and I don''t like the idea of people wasting money to buy a gilded, Victorian-style picture frame for me that is never going to get used. Ya know?


I very much agree with the statement Mara made earlier that the most thoughtful gifts are things that you know the other person will like, not just something that I think is great. For weddings, we almost always give money... for two young people starting a life together, they need practical, basic THINGS more than anything else... I am happy to contribute to that. For special occasions, I like giving things that I know the person wants but wouldn''t spend the money on for themselves... like getting my friend a Free People sweatshirt she''d been coveting as a ''will you be my MOH?'' present. She would never have justified a $100 sweatshirt on her own... and I wouldn''t have necessarily wanted it myself... but she was THRILLED to have it as a gift!


That said, I am also a huge fan of random, spontaneous ''gifting'' throughout the year. I think the most fun gifts are the little things that I find randomly, and when I see it, say ''oooh that makes me think of ____!'' But those just end up being $5 or $10 purchases here and there, nothing elaborate, just for the sake of letting a friend or family member know I was thinking about them that day.

*points* what she said.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Oh yeah, and when we were 16 FI gave me bike lights for my birthday. (I never ride at night and didn't want to)

Then for our fourth anniversary he gave me a terra cottta flower pot he had tried to paint (TRIED) and a styrofoam rose spray painted red...

Another anniversary I mentioned I was really into this one band (rock and roll). He got me a classical CD...

For valentine's day two years ago he got me A MINI CUISINART...


We've instituted a few gift guidelines....I can't act gracious THAT well. His heart really IS in the right place, he's just missing a gene. He explained the cusinart by saying "Well it is a symbol of our new domestic life together" This "new life" was me cooking him dinner every night, so the gift symbolism didn't go over very well...hee. AT ALL. We have a rule now: cooking supplies may not be given on valentines day. So he got me a knife for christmas.

 

[sumbride]

Heh Heh... RT... I imposed a "No Practical Gifts" on my FI early on. He gets a little frustrated by it but understands. He''s special to me and I want the gifts from him to be special too. He''s done really well. The closest he got to practical was the tote bag he gave me for my birthday, but I asked for it specifically because I fell in love with it''s geometric black and white print and I have a hellish commute. It was so much nicer than the bags my office gives me and cost more too, plus it took 6 weeks to arrive from Sweden, so was thus not strictly practical, but I use it every day.

 

[Mara]

my darling hubby is the king of practical gifts. egg timer in the stocking anyone? because i never seem to know when the boiled eggs are done he says. cute huh! anyway i finally put a limit on how many things he can get at the last minute from bed bath and beyond since he''s also the king of going to the store like the day before for my stocking gifts. i am still trying to get him to realize if he collects stuff ahead of time it''s way more fun for us both. however though he loves to give me stuff HE thinks is cool, typically he does ask me for a mini list and i get one or two things off there too. or if he knows i want something really badly, then i typically will get that.

for me the ultimate happiness in gift giving is seeing that the recipient absolutely ADORES what you got them. if *I* want to adore what I got them, then i''d buy it for myself. ephem''s example of how she got her best friend something maybe SHE didn''t think was cool but she knew her friend would love is the ultimate. i love that!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/13/2006 1:31:52 AM
Author: Galateia
Why does the idea of a registry being a glorified christmas list offend me? Because when I think of christmas lists, I think of spoiled children from wealthy families (or just bratty children in general) throwing fits on christmas day

she always knows what she''s getting for christmas. How depressing is that?

I have no issue with registries, especially if they are for staples that the couple really needs like towels, guest bedsheets, cookware, dishes, etc.

Okay ... I just have to say again "shades of gray", lady ... "shades of gray"!

** Just because someone makes a X-mas list, DOESN''T mean they''re gonna scream & cry & be a brat if they DON''T GET what''s on it.

** I DON''T think it''s depressing to have SOME idea of what you''re getting for ANY gift occasion - mostly ''cause I''m PICKY and I hate the idea of "wasting money". What I find MUCHO DEPRESSING is having to put on a happy face about yicky stuff I''m already imaginging trashing before the wrapping paper''s undone. Maybe you don''t have LOUSY gift-givers in your family ... but we have them in DROVES. And I don''t mean loving soap-makers. I mean, drag some old box out of the closet & wrap it up ... or buy a dozen random sized simlar clothing items & hand ''em out ... GIFTS with NO THOUGHT. If someone bought me a weird sweater with a rabbit on it because they thought I liked rabbits-- that''s one thing. One year I swear we all opened up smelly balls of rabbit fur linked together into some scarf thingie. The whole room REEKED of moist, stale animal fur.

** Why is it only okay to have a registry of STAPLES. I''m long past the "Staple" stage because I provided "staples" for MYSELF way before I met the love of my life. In my early thirties, flush with cash, and SINGLE ... I bought myself the CHINA & CRYSTAL & SILVERWARE I really wanted. Those things aren''t really "staples" anyway. As long as a registry isn''t viewed as a "Command" ... I think people should list what they want - no matter how quirky or "non-essential" .. depending on where they are in their own lives.

 

[njc]

I rather enjoy receiving practical gifts. DH is great at giving them too… stereo, leather desk chair, iPod accessories, bath robe… all things I needed when he got them. And we always place a gift limit on Christmas, last year it was $20. I got him the new CD for the band responsible for getting us back together and tickets to see them in concert a few weeks later. He absolutely loved it and we had the best time. I’m glad that neither of us feels the need to give nor expects extravagant gifts from the other, not to say we wouldn’t accept them though.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 9/13/2006 12:13:52 PM
Author: njc
I rather enjoy receiving practical gifts. DH is great at giving them too… stereo, leather desk chair, iPod accessories, bath robe… all things I needed when he got them. And we always place a gift limit on Christmas, last year it was $20. I got him the new CD for the band responsible for getting us back together and tickets to see them in concert a few weeks later. He absolutely loved it and we had the best time. I’m glad that neither of us feels the need to give nor expects extravagant gifts from the other, not to say we wouldn’t accept them though.

I actually see those as "non-practical" gifts. He didn't get you a desk chair, he got you a LEATHER desk chair. Were it strictly practical (i.e. utilitarian) it would have been the "ikea special". iPod accessories aren't a "life-necessity" either so for me they fall into the non-practical category with the stereo.

I guess what I mean by practical is more "basic necessity" or something I could easily buy myself, or something related to a task I have to do, not a task I want to do. Like if he gave me a saute pan I would think "he wants me to cook dinner" but if he gave me a cast iron skillet, I might say "oh, just like my great-grandmother had to make cornbread... how thoughtful!" It's a fine line. I love taking baths, so a practical gift might be a big bottle of body wash, but if he wants me to think of it as a gift, he'll pick the right scent and get the whole set, and not from the grocery store. And while yes, I do need a new umbrella, that's not an appropriate birthday present unless it's the one from the MOMA with the clouds that I like. It doesn't necessarily have to be expensive, but it needs to be thoughtful. I'm a big girl, I can buy my own necessities. It's the luxuries that feel like gifts.

 

[indecisive]

I agree with sumbride. Those gifts aren''t practical. I would have loved if my fiance got me a nice bath robe for my birthday but no he got me a hair blow dryer from Wal-Mart

It doesn''t have anything to do with how extravagent the gift is.

 

[TravelingGal]

Ah, got it Mara. Well, an alarm clock is an exceptional gift!

And you can''t get in the habit of giving her diamonds every year!

Date: 9/13/2006 1:31:52 AM
Author: Galateia
Why does the idea of a registry being a glorified christmas list offend me? Because when I think of christmas lists, I think of spoiled children from wealthy families (or just bratty children in general) throwing fits on christmas day because they A) didn''t get everything on their list- B) got something they didn''t request or- C) the heirloom doll their grandma passed down to them wasn''t the latest Malibu Barbie with the X,Y,Z accessories and temper tantrums abound.

My housemate still fills out a christmas list every year (she''s in her 4th year of university), because her family seems to think that spending money equals affection, and they would rather buy a load of stuff off her list than take the time to really think about her and her needs and put effort into the gift.

Also, she always knows what she''s getting for christmas. How depressing is that? When I open my gift (or gifts, sometimes) my reaction is always ''Oooo! Where did you find this?! Squeee!'' or in that vein. I am always pleasantly surprised.

I have no issue with registries, especially if they are for staples that the couple really needs like towels, guest bedsheets, cookware, dishes, etc. I don''t mind people putting the word around that they populated their registry with things they are dying to have, but dictating to your guests what they are allowed get for you, and what the cost will be, by insisting that they purchase from your registry is just offensive to me.

IMO, registries are to aid guests in making a choice, not a place to fill out an order.

I can understand a bit of the fact that lists seem like there are rich spoiled kids. We grew up very poor too. The problem was that we grew up very poor in a RICH neighborhood! That''s right folks...my Korean parents spent all their money on a modest house in a nice neighborhood so we could go to "good" schools...how typical!

Because of the house ($130,000 over 30 years ago...a lot of money), we never had money left over for much....even to fixed broken toilets, but I won''t go into that!

Anyway, every Christmas I''d hear the rich kids talk about what they got on their lists excitedly. Ski outfits was one I particularly remember...as I didn''t even know what skiing would be like! And you know what...I was pretty envious, and that was the root of my disdain.

Seems to me you often have strong biases towards people who grew up different than you...in this case you seem a bit disdainful of people with money. I don''t know your friend who makes lists, but are you sure that she makes lists because her parents don''t care to find gifts themselves? Is it possible that perhaps they would love to make sure she gets something she loves! My best friend and I do birthday lists every year, and I am no less delighted when I get something off the list because it''s something that I requested. And yes, it''s still a surprise and I still go "Squee!" because it''s a list of suggestions and she gets to choose what she wants to buy off that list.

I do agree that registries are about helping guests make a choice. And since you now say that you have no issue with registries, I think it would be fair to say that is not registries, or christmas lists that deeply offend you...but people insisting that you purchase off that list that is offensive to you?