Co-worker Copied my Wedding Set!!!

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 12:26:47 PM
Author: surfgirl
Harleigh, I know it''s totally freaking annoying to have this happen to you. I''m torn about whether or not I''d be pissed or flattered if someone copied the design of my rings. As some said, it''s the highest form of flattery but on the other hand, yeah, this chick needs to buy a clue!

If it makes you feel better, why not start calling her out on her bs? For instance, next time you''re near a group of people, or in this next meeting, grab her hand and exclaim REAL loud, ''oh my God! You got the same exact set as I have! I''m so happy you love my taste enough to copy my set! I had NO IDEA I was such a trendsetter! Wait til I tell everybody! Wow!'' Say it REALLY REALLY LOUD and maybe, just maybe, she''ll be so mortified she wont do it anymore. I know, I know, some will say it''s childish, but think of how SATISFYING that would be!

LOL surfgirl! Honestly, I am past feeling flattered and have moved on to being severely PO''d...just sitting with her 5 feet away at the break during the meeting today, flashing her hand around made me want to strangle her! I smartly put my hands in my pockets, though!

I would love to say something more to her...as a matter of fact, when I first saw it I said, "YOU GOT MY EXACT SAME SET!??!" and as I mentioned earlier, she tried to look embarassed and made the comment about "knowing people," as in her family is friends with the jeweler I went through... Then I proceeded to ask her if she''d had the jeweler copy my exact same set??? She said she just "Left it up to him" which I took to mean she had him look up my order...I don''t have proof of that, but her innuendos indicate that that is the case...

I love your idea about pointing out to everyone who will listen that she copied me, but since that''s really not my style, I don''t know that I can pull that off...I''ve never been good at being catty, but let me tell you, if the opportunity arises, I''m keeping it in mind!!!

Thanks, surfgirl!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 5:49:14 PM
Author: Pandora II
I''m not great at knowing what looks good on me (I''m a menswear specialist), so I tend to look at girls with similar figures to mine and see what they look good in. Then I might buy something similar myself (but never identical).

There was a girl I worked with in one Italian fashion company who was almost identical to me in height and size and shape and I used to look at her clothes for ideas all the time.

It came as a total shock when she asked me one day if I minded that she was looking at what I wore and buying similar things!

Lol.

However, that is just out of order!

Was your ring a custom design or a stock setting? If it was custom based on your ideas I would go nuts at the jeweller.

I would have no problem with people basing their''s on mine (after all, I got my inspiration from PS), but I wouldn''t be at all amused if a work colleague showed up with a split-shank tsavorite e-ring.

Hi Pandora,

I am notorious for asking people on the street where they got something, which drives my friends batty, but if I like it, I ask...not so with the people I work with. I fell in love with a little sweater a friend of mine at work wore, and she proceeded to tell me how cheap (yay for me!) it was and that I should go get one and how cute it would look on me...I of course went and bought one, but to this day I still feel guilty that I ran out and bought the exact same sweater she had! She said she was flattered that I liked it, but I try to wear it away from work...it was nice of her to be so sweet about it!

As for my rings, I don''t know that it was "custom," but it was most definitely a special order. The bands have to be special ordered, and they do not normally set stones on the plain bands...they try to have you choose a stock setting that they already have, usually something with shoulders to protect the diamond, etc... That is not what I wanted, and I took in my mom''s/grandma''s ring with me and put together the closest thing I could find in white gold. It took quite awhile to get as I also required a special head for the diamond. However, the channel set bands they do carry, however they must be special ordered in the correct size. I tried on about 20 different kinds of diamond bands before settling on the ones that met up so well with the heavy weight band...

So no, I guess you could not say custom, but it seems a little too convenient that hers are the IDENTICAL pieces I put together and told her I was having all soldered together, alll done by the same jeweler who happens to be a close family friend of their''s.

Suffice it to say, I am NOT amused by her little sister of a ring to mine...

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 6:52:13 PM
Author: MoonWater
I agree with everyone else, it must be some sort of self esteem thing. Reading everyone else''s stories reminded me of a friend I have like this. Oddly enough, I''m not speaking to her at the moment. She would constantly copy my style. From my stockings (I use to collect fishnets, still only wear fishnets, but now it''s Donna Karen

), to my hair. I didn''t think much of it when we were younger, because friends like to dress the same etc etc. But when we got in our early to mid twenties she started doing something insane. We''d go shopping together, and there would be a pair of shoes I loved but couldn''t afford right then and there. She''d pick out her size and buy it. She did this with clothing as well. It was so bizarre and maddening. I don''t bother shopping with her anymore.

LOL MoonWater,

I guess everyone has a copycat out there somewhere! Clothes, I think I could handle...well, hell, I guess I already do with several of my friends, none of who look a thing like me in stature, height, coloring, etc..., so that always cracks me up when they want to buy the same thing as I do because everything looks so different on us! I have never figured that one out!

I agree with some of the other posters...I think I''m going to tell her I got something at the MOST expensive places in town...maybe then I can at least break her bank!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 6:53:30 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 10/5/2007 8:16:10 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Evil old witch that I am, I probably would have given her set a pitying glance and said 'Aw, what a shame he botched it.'

This.. my dear... is priceless.

Thanks, Madam Bijoux!! I am definitely going to have to use THAT one!! Think I could also throw something in about it just not looking right with such a small center stone??? That probably won't work as her diamond, albeit smaller than mine, IS lovely! As I said, I can totally appreciate nice stones, but NOT in my wedding set!!!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 7:23:05 PM
Author: sera
How ''bout to show her no hard feelings... go on a shopping trip... point out all the *coughhideousbutbelievablecough* outfits you''re going to purchase. When she beats you to it and wears them to work, you can point at her (with your finger that can bend) and snicker.

Seriously, it''s sad she can''t be herself... how tiring and unsatisfying to run around trying to be someone else. I feel sorry for her, but even feeling sorry for her I would be really upset too. I want something that''s different and I can''t imagine after I finally get a setting that someone would run out and have mine copied.

And ya know what, what she is doing isn''t going unnoticed! I will bet more than one person knows (and she even admits this to at least to one person) that she copied YOUR ring and thinks yours is prettier. She is not happy and I''ll bet, like was mentioned, it won''t be long before she changes it.

Your ring is still special- not because it''s prettier than hers, but because it was made after your grandma''s and it''s the one you wanted for so long. Her copying it doesn''t change that (it may be infuriating, but it doesn''t change it). And well, you can let your coworkers know when and why your ring was made or you can keep it to yourself. Either way, yours is special and hers lacks being special because hers was made for the sake of copying or out-doing or whatever reason was rattling around in her head. And she knows it... how sad for her to have her rings that are supposed to represent love n stuff instead represent such pettiness, deceitfulness, insecurity, etc. Don''t let her steal your joy/happiness/etc.

She''s not happy with her lame copy, so hopefully she will quickly decide (with some integrity) to re-set it again- to something different than yours this time- to her own ring for the right reasons.

Hi sera,

I sure hope you''re right...I would like to think that most know I had mine first, yet she will be wearing hers from now till July and then when I put my bands all together, mine will look like old news!

But you ARE right in the fact that this ring means more to me than I ever thought possible...the memory of my grandmother and the love between me and my FI...that''s the most important thing. I am really trying hard not to let it ruin my joy and happiness, but I think it''s going to take a bit more time for me to get to that point with having to see the same replication on HER hand every stinkin'' day!

I really hope she does change hers...but she is such a snotty person to begin with (she''s also wreaking havoc in my life for tutoring one of her students in Math after school, hence the running into her outside the principal''s office today) so that I really feel like she is trying to undermine me so that she somehow comes out on top. She is a very petty person (reference above to her "You''re such a b*tch!" when she first saw my e-ring because my diamond was bigger than hers. She lacks social skills amongst other things!

Needless to say, I''ve just about had it up to here with her! Thanks for chiming in...it''s nice to have a voice of reason every once in awhile!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 10/9/2007 8:05:35 PM
Author: anchor31
I can''t imagine copying someone''s wedding set. Wedding ring''s are so personal, I would never want to have the same thing as someone I actually know! What an unimaginative person.

Hi anchor,

I can''t either, except for one that''s been in my family for years, and I even ASKED my mom''s permission before I dared try to replicate my grandma''s set on my own...so very sad!

 

[monarch64]

So Harleigh, you''ve got allllll this meanig tied into your rings....this co-worker will NEVER have one iota of that, and that''s what you have to remember, even if your rings LOOK like, she doesn''t have the meaning, she doesn''t have the style, she doesn''t have the ''YOU''-ness that applies to your rings. You know that, and that''s all there is to know between you and your FI. Let her have her similar/same rings, and know that hers have ABSOLUTELY ZERO of the substance involved in yours. Right? Right.

 

[Evelynn]

So the two of you share the same ring designs...ah well!

You two are VERRY very different people however, with very different morals and ethics and such.
I gotta tell ya, I think you come out far ahead on her in that department!

 

[Harleigh]

Hi monnie and Evelynn...

Sorry for the tardy response...I was at FI''s last night and now my computer is giving me fits tonight!

I agree, my ring has a lot more meaning than hers ever will...but I''m still hopefull she tires of hers soon!

Thanks again for all of your support!

You gals are the best!

 

[Jas12]

Harleigh--i am reading this WAY late, but must chime in that I had a similar thing happen to me. I had an awful experience with my e-ring that is novel-worthy.Long story short --I started with a ring that looked identical to the Lucida by T & Co--i have tiny fingers and it looked much too thick so eventually i ended up with the ring in my avatar. A ''friend'' who was not yet engaged decided she wanted the Lucida when she saw mine (i wasn''t too peeved--it''s not an unsual design) but when I did custom make my pave/cushion ring--still not that unusual, but more unique at the time, I thought I had a ring that was very "me"--
You could imagine my surprise when this girl gets engaged a few months after me and....gets a cushion/pave band combo! Hmmm. Wonder where she got that idea?!
I am over it now, but it''s simply annoying and kinda pathetic some ppl can''t think for themselves.

 

[Harleigh]

I completely agree...I was just hoping to be unique for a bit longer, you know???

 

[Linda W]

Harleigh,

Well what a nerve she had. Like the others have said, it is a form of flattery. I would have felt like punching her in the nose too. HA!!

I had a neighbor once, who copied my whole kitchen. Paint, wallpaper borders (at the time) dishes, you name it.

I was soooo upset, as we invited all the neighbors in our area for BBQ''s in the summer and she did the same thing.

They made comments like "well she copied you....but... she musn''t HAVE ANY IDEAS OF HER OWN!!! That is another way to look at it too ... NO ideas of her own!!!

Linda

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks, Linda, that''s what I think, too, as it goes on in other areas with her, as well. So far, she''s been avoiding me since I almost fell out of my chair week before last. Maybe she''s afraid of lil'' ''ol me!

(Because I am SOOOOO scary, of course!)

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/12/2007 1:44:37 PM
Author: Linda W

Harleigh,

Well what a nerve she had. Like the others have said, it is a form of flattery. I would have felt like punching her in the nose too. HA!!

I had a neighbor once, who copied my whole kitchen. Paint, wallpaper borders (at the time) dishes, you name it.

I was soooo upset, as we invited all the neighbors in our area for BBQ''s in the summer and she did the same thing.

They made comments like ''well she copied you....but... she musn''t HAVE ANY IDEAS OF HER OWN!!! That is another way to look at it too ... NO ideas of her own!!!

Linda

I had the same issue with our ex-friends (also neighbors)...we moved in, they bought a house two blocks away. I decorated our bedroom, she decorated her bedroom with the same theme/colors. We bought appliances, even small things like an under-cabinet-mounted CD/radio, they got the exact same one. We bought a Trailblazer, six weeks later they bought the same exact one, only the paint color and a few options were different. Argh. It was as if we were the "consumer reports" guide to their lives. Blech. Such a turn-off that we finally started making excuses not to hang out with them anymore and let the friendship dissipate...I haven''t spoken to the gal for about 8 months now whereas for a few years we were pretty close, even vacationing together sometimes. The whole copycat thing just left us feeling sour all around.

 

[Skippy123]

Harleigh, I was looking for this thread because I thought of ya! My coworkers are the sweetest and a few will probably be getting engaged soon so we talk about diamond rings. One of my friends told me to have S show me her picture of her dream ring (since she knew what my ring looked like) when we meet for lunch. Well after lunch I asked S to show me the picture. I take one look at the picture and burst out laughing; I said to S do you realize that is like my ring setting!!!! I lifted my hand and we both laughed. I was flattered actually and she is super duper sweet so I was happy for her. I got to thinking about if S was rude or mean and then I think I might be upset and especially about the jewler looking up your info for her (sort of creepy). I love your ring Harleigh, it is so beautiful and you and your sweetie are adorable together. I just thought it was funny because this just happened the other day to me. hehee