darkside of ''''interracial'''' relationships

[Spartan]

It''s hard enough to find someone you love, respect and admire enough to spend the rest of your life with. Why any one person or group would try to impose limitations based on race, religion, sex etc. is totally beyond me.

This is just a general statement - not implying that anyone here is.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[IndiBlue]

Kaylagee-"Also the big one lately: that we all growl and snarl at the sight of a black man with a non-black woman. I''ve actual met couples where the woman was nervous and the man aloof at first because they''re were expecting a cold-shoulder, mean comment or even a confrontation"

I can so identify with your statment Kaylagee. I am a white female and my bf or 5 years is black. I puposely don''t go certain places (like Walmart) with him some times just to avoid the comments or attitude that I get from some black females. To be fair we live in Indiana, not exactly the most "liberal" state.

5 years ago, I would have argued that America has come a long way in terms of defeating our "racist" past. After, all the situations I''ve seen- I don''t feel that way anymore. Like it or not, racism is still alive and well. Racist people don''t look the way we saw in our text books- they might were a suit in stead of a white cloke now.
I''m speaking from my own experiences. My family from the outside looking in is the most admirable, value conscience family you will find- They are the last people I ever expected to exhibit any sort of racism- What a suprise for me when my grandparents told me I was going to hell and my own father told me that if I were to have mixed babies that he wouldn''t be able to accept them. Ouch!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/24/2006 4:38:53 AM
Author: kaylagee

Date: 1/24/2006 4:21:21 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

..this is reminding me of one of Dancing Fire''s posts

Date: 1/20/2006 3:46:02 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

25-30 yrs ago, for a chinese girl to marry any other race (especially black) it would of been an embarrassment to the girl''s parents,they would try to hide it from their friends.nowadays, i don''t think is such a big deal.

so it would have been different for a man? i haven''t seen many asian men with black women at all. When i was in high school a japanese guy had a crush on me and we talked on the phone maybe twice. Once his parents found out that i was black(part black but realizing the ''contamination'' one-dropism here in the US, I suppose the specifics don''t matter to many folks...) that was the end of it.


nope,not really. the chinese parents still wouldn''t approve the marriage.


Also since I''m thinking about this..what exactly is it that some Asians have against blacks?! Specifically?


Is it an assumption that blacks are naturally degenerate(crime, poverty,low-morals, violent)? Is it a revulsion to(at?) African physical features? Is there some historical reason for bitterness toward blacks?


yep, to be honest. that''s what the older chinese generation thinks. i know,i know, it is wrong of them to think the way they do.

These questions aren''t meant only for DF but for anyone who can shed some light.

Thanks for clarifying, DF! This isn''t exactly the type of thing you can stop someone in Raley''s and ask about but I''ve wondered for a long time. I appreciate your honesty.

So, is this based on their direct experience w/ black degenerates or from gossip, media? Is this a blanket...meaning a black murder=black surgeon=black fast foods clerk=black engineer. All the same?

to them, 99% of the blacks are bad.

Did they hold this view before arriving in the US?

most of us never seen a negro until we came over to the U.S.
funny though....when we first arrive in the U.S. (1966) we lived with our grandfather. he introuduce us to his next door neighbor (whom were black) they are one of the nicest couple i''ve ever met.

 

[codex57]

Yeah, I think ultimately, people just tend to compartmentalize in their minds and assign people to "groups." Just human nature I guess. A lot of it is culture. It''s not just racism. Nationalism sorta runs along with the racism problem. In America, it''s a melting pot so we expect people to be more accepting. It''s not like that in the rest of the world. Even "white" countries like Europe. The riots in France are a good current example.

 

[kaylagee]

i really need to step away from the powerbook & PriceScope crack boards and get started on some food here. one quick observation abt Europe(esp France):

Ok, This might sound insane but in Europe, I feel like I'm 'da bomb'(very attractive) but when I come home, in comparison, i'm the Invisible Girl.

I've heard some older white American women comment that Europe is easier and more appreciative of older women. I feel the same is true for women of color. So are the men more desperate/greedy, more enlightened? lol.

My French prof. said that she was having trouble meeting men because "here one has to have teeth like tombstones but in France my teeth are cute!" She was a pretty, stylish petite woman with a bit of an overbite & crossed, overlapping front teeth going on. nothing disturbing, but noticeable. At the time i dismissed her comment/complaint but now I understand what she was talking about.

I'm also remembering in a Josephine Baker book reading that while she was still quite popular over there an American journalist called her something to the effect of a 'buck-toothed Negress without talent' etc.

***Hair straightening doesn't seem so de rigeur for curly-heads(of all colors) either. I see more white women with 'fro-y hair there than I've ever seen here.

 

[bookworm21]

Date: 1/24/2006 4:57:26 PM
Author: kaylagee

Date: 1/24/2006 4:50:47 PM
Author: Hest88
I think the black issue has been covered nicely here, so I won''t bother trying to contribute when I can''t add anything meaningful.

''covered nicely''?... sigh... i''ll ask again(to any of the many Asians in the PS family)...



So, is this based on their direct experience w/ black degenerates or from gossip, media? Is this a blanket...meaning a black murder=black surgeon=black fast foods clerk=black engineer. All the same?

Did they hold this view before arriving in the US?

I''ll add another Q: Is this a life-long, unchangeable prejudice for many? Does contact with the Other make any difference?
TIA

Kayla, I''m going to try to answer your question as best I can, since I''m Asian myself. I don''t consider myself to be a racist, and I definitely see people for who they are and try my best not to judge, but I am human. I live and grew up in San Francisco, a city that''s considered a cultural melting pot and known for it''s tolerance, but you''d be surprised at some of the blatant racism you would still see around here. Certain areas of the city are almost exclusively white, some are practically all Asian, Hispanics tend to stay within a couple of neighborhoods, and blacks also tend to stay within a couple of neighborhoods.

As to an Asian''s view of black people, yes, their views are generally based on direct experience with "black degenerates" within the city. It is definitely not a blanket. When I was young, there was one black girl in my fifth grade class. I didn''t see her as black. I saw her as a classmate and a potential playmate and friend because she was a really nice and polite girl. As I grew older, I began to see what other types of people were out in the big world of SF. And more often than not, I would see young black people being rude to the elderly on the bus, mean to children by pushing them out of the way, and generally disrespectful of those around them. In high school, I knew this classmate of mine, who was black, and we would talk occasionally. We were friends, and I remember once, we sat together on the bus after school, and some other black students got on the bus and began taunting us. Taunts about him selling out and such. We grew quiet, and he never said anything to defend himself, and I remember feeling really bad for making him a target of his peers. But he was one of the nicest guys in my class, nicer than most of the Asian people I knew, and I was always happy to talk to him to get to know him better.

Another reason why we have a negative view of most blacks is because, unfortunately, of all the negative news out there about blacks. The majority of homicides in SF, and neighboring Oakland, are committed by blacks, followed closely by Latinos (this is info taken directly from sfgate.com, the SF Chronicle website). I work in the Bayview-Hunter''s Point neighborhood, where there''s an average of a homicide every three weeks or so, and it is almost always committed by black people. A husband and father of two was just shot to death two nights ago for the rims on his car.

On the other hand, I have met doctors, lawyers, your everyday person who''s black, and I have gotten along perfectly fine with them. I admit, I DO judge by appearance and mannerisms; i.e. if a black person were wearing jeans and a T-shirt like a regular person, then I wouldn''t think twice about clutching my purse close to me. If it were a bunch of them thugged out, talking loudly, and generally disrespecting those around them by pushing other people out of their path (which happens quite often on public transportation here), then yes, I''ll admit, I would tighten the hold I have on my purse.

If this post makes me sound like a racist and a bad person, I apologize. I am in no way racist and am open to all cultures and ethnicities. But I just wanted to put these thoughts out there because Kayla asked for them specifically. Please don''t flame me.

 

[bookworm21]

Date: 1/23/2006 11:23:48 PM
Author: kaylagee
another question:

Have you ever felt that someone wanted to date you mainly because of your color/ethnicity?

There were a couple of weirdos for me but I don''t have time to detail right now...

And to answer this question: YES!! When I go out, I tend to get hit on by white men more than men of any other race. Just an observation. Have you ever been on craigslist.org? Go to the SF Bay Area and read the Rants and Raves section. There''s so much hate on there, it makes me sick to my stomach, but apparently, there''s an Asian woman fetish thing going on and some people are angered by it. Some people are so blinded by color that they can''t see past the skin, to really see the people who have fallen in love regardless of cultural differences. Ticks me off to read these things in this time and age.

 

[CaptAubrey]

I find it Interesting that that NR article mentioned UCLA. When I was there attending grad school in the early 90s, some people liked to joke that it stood for University of Caucasians Lost among Asians (and I suspect they still do). It wasn''t considered a pc thing to say, natch, but you heard it anyway. In any case, there was so much white boy-asian girl dating going on that the asian guys liked to joke that seeing an asian girl and an asian guy together was unusual enough to be worth pointing out. It wasn''t quite that bad... but they had a point. I had a number of asian girls try to recruit me as a boyfriend during my years there (I was already taken by that point, though).

And, like everything else at UCLA, interracial dating was highly politicized. And that was before a Filipina girl published an op-ed piece in the Daily Bruin entitled "Why I Want to Marry a Filipino Man." Much nastiness and controversy ensued, but in the end it had little effect on the dating situation. Personally, I think it''s gotten beyond opinions.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Here''s a different twist, and one thing that bothers me a lot. I hope what I say doesn''t piss people off, the title of this thread did invite the darkside of "interracial" relationships:

I feel that as an Asian female, we''re thought of as exotic sex objects, free-for-all, easy prey for all races. It comes from American GI movie stereotypes that show easy asian PROSTITUTES throwing themselves at everyone. I remember being pawed at clubs or bars by total strangers (all races) because they feel like they can treat Asian women with disrespect. It doesn''t only happen in clubs, it''s happened to me at the DMV, in supermarkets....it''s really demeaning and annoying. It seems to me that the men that seem to respect Asian women are the Asian men. That''s my personal experience anyway, and those negative feelings of total lack of respect by men of other races probably played a part in my choice to marry within my own race.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:41:15 AM
Author: Cinderella
Have you ever been on craigslist.org? Go to the SF Bay Area and read the Rants and Raves section.

Now I have &...Aaaargh! My Eyes my Eyes!!!! I feel like I need a sauna after that! So much bile & sulphur...it's a bit too bummerific!

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:38:17 AM
Author: Cinderella
Kayla, I''m going to try to answer your question as best I can...

Thanks so much, C. I''ve always wanted to understand this situation better. The Bay Area is exceptionally interesting because it''s so diverse yet at the same time there are definitely these social membranes/barriers in place. Maybe it''s natural to a certain extent. I do think it''s hardest on children and maybe dating-age teens.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/24/2006 6:31:20 PM
Author: JulieN


The preconceived notions about African-Americans is secondary. It's really about preconceived notions of skin color. For example, I have Dravidian friends who are routinely mistaken for African-American by African-Americans. Dravidians identify as Indians first, Asians second, but my East Asian parents would still be upset, because they're dark-skinned. In Asia, darker skin= poor people =less education. So, yes, they had this view of color-ism/classism before coming to the United States. But in Asia, most everyone is the same race, so there's no one to be racist toward. This color-ism only manifests itself as racism in the US because, here, there are many distinct racial groups...

Thanks JulieN, I've been curious about the role of physical traits/aesthetics in this whole scheme. In Asia, are the darker 'inferiors' dark from outside work in the sun or genetically darker from generations of only marrying other dark Asians?

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/24/2006 2:57:37 PM
Author: saturn
This discussion reminded me of an article I once read:

http://www.nationalreview.com/14july97/feature.html


I definitely don''t agree with all the stuff the article says, but it is an interesting discussion of some of the issues brought up here.

well, they bring up some fascinating possiblities. some ideas are a bit wacky... like the part about black women being unable to grow long hair. i''m sure there are some that this is true for, but i suspect that the majority of Af-Am women''s hair is lost due to ridiculous hair-straightening methods/products.
(warning: probably more than you ever wanted to know about black hair care follows)

I can''t speak for all Af-am women''s hair but this is my exp:

The relaxers that straighten some of our hair is essentially Nair(lye hair remover) in creme form but working in slightly slower motion. The chemical breaks down the curls & is stopped and neutralized before it dissolves the hair entirely.

From there, it can take an army of products and kid-glove tricks to keep the damaged hair hydrated, conditioned, protected etc. Few women seem to have the time, resources, or obsessive nature to make up for the relaxer''s harshness and add insult to injury with heat styling- witness a lot of brittle, broken, OPH (other people''s hair..not that there''s anything wrong with that

), & just plain weird hairstyles on black women.

The women who have more natural elasticity, moisture, & scalp oils stand a better chance at growing it out fairly long, even with some neglect. The women in my mom''s family(i haven''t spent so much time with my father''s family but he says my grandmother wore her hair in very long braids) tend to have a lot of hair but I don''t think it''s all due to mixed heritage. More like vanity/pride, & that obsessive nature I mention before.

Granted the longest I''ve seen is about back/bra cup length. I don''t know any Af-am women with hair to their rears, thighs and knees like some other ethnicities. I have this mental picture of an ''ambiguous'' female dancer from the old Soul Train(circa later 70s?) show who had super-long hair.oh yeh, and there was Crystal Gayle. LOL.

The last time I used a lye straightener, I kept it super short(a la Anita baker, old Nia Long, Halle B.) with regular trims. Since I stopped the straightening insanity(Where is that Susan Powter these days?), I''ve kept most of the length (less trimming and cutting since it doesn''t get raggedy so quickly) so it seems to grow faster than when relaxed. Hope this makes sense.

The longest my hair has ever been as an adult(It was longer when I was a girl) was lower bra-strap length when stretched . i emphasize this because my hair (when natural and healthy) grows out and not down. lol. some of my relatives have that type of curl wave that hangs but I''m ''Fro-city.


You might notice more little black/brown girls with long(or big hair) before the harsh treatments come in.

Blow drying and flat irons are bit less evil but again the dance with the water&humidity avoidance. feh.

I''ve officially retired from the pursuit of slick hair...thank G-d dh prefers my natural styles too.

My mom was always/is pretty good, encouraging about my hair experiments but my father rarely compliments my hair unless it''s very long or straightened.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/24/2006 7:16:57 PM
Author: sourgirl
It''s hard enough to find someone you love, respect and admire enough to spend the rest of your life with. Why any one person or group would try to impose limitations based on race, religion, sex etc. is totally beyond me.

This is just a general statement - not implying that anyone here is.


Just my 2 cents.

I feel the same way, SG.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/25/2006 2:33:22 AM
Author: jaysonsmom


Here''s a different twist, and one thing that bothers me a lot. I hope what I say doesn''t piss people off, the title of this thread did invite the darkside of ''interracial'' relationships:


I feel that as an Asian female, we''re thought of as exotic sex objects, free-for-all, easy prey for all races. It comes from American GI movie stereotypes that show easy asian PROSTITUTES throwing themselves at everyone. I remember being pawed at clubs or bars by total strangers (all races) because they feel like they can treat Asian women with disrespect. It doesn''t only happen in clubs, it''s happened to me at the DMV, in supermarkets....it''s really demeaning and annoying. It seems to me that the men that seem to respect Asian women are the Asian men. That''s my personal experience anyway, and those negative feelings of total lack of respect by men of other races probably played a part in my choice to marry within my own race.

you''re right about the military/war films..I didn''t think that people actual take that image into everday life. sad and disgusting. the DMV??!!(choke sputter) unreal!: [nono:]

Wow, I had no idea it could get that bad. i thought that afro-am/afro-mix women had the Hooker Honors all sewn up. Every day, i learn something new.

I''d guess a lot of Af-am women want to stay ingroup because of mistrust of motive, and less likelihood of being a fetish object, etc.

 

[codex57]

Date: 1/25/2006 3:54:56 AM
Author: kaylagee

Thanks JulieN, I''ve been curious about the role of physical traits/aesthetics in this whole scheme. In Asia, are the darker ''inferiors'' dark from outside work in the sun or genetically darker from generations of only marrying other dark Asians?

I suspect the darker "inferior" mentality came from both getting dark from working out in the sun and generations of marrying only other dark Asians. Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among "Asians" anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm. Having really, really white skin was a sign of beauty cuz it meant you weren''t outside laboring. When people started migrating out of China into other areas, they ran into aborigine groups native to the area (no idea where they came from cuz the history I learned comes from a Chinese dominated viewpoint). The "Chinese" took their prejudices and superiority complexes with them and looked down on the darker natives. The natives prolly were darker cuz they had to get out to survive.

When you get to Asian Americans tho, they''re not so hung up about light skin. American culture has taken care of that, both from being sensitive to racial differences and not caring about people''s skin color to the Hollywood mentality of tanning being a beauty treatment.

 

[Hest88]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:26:29 PM
Author: codex57

Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among "Asians" anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm.

Remember, this is not just an Asian thing. Until Coco Chanel popularized tans, white skin was prized because it meant that someone was a lady who didn''t have to labor outside in the fields. Now, with the prevelence of offices, the leisure time to loll outside in the sun is a sign of wealth.

It''s too bad, though, because sun is so bad for the skin!

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:48:21 PM
Author: Hest88

Date: 1/25/2006 12:26:29 PM

Author: codex57


Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among ''Asians'' anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm.

Remember, this is not just an Asian thing. Until Coco Chanel popularized tans, white skin was prized because it meant that someone was a lady who didn''t have to labor outside in the fields. Now, with the prevelence of offices, the leisure time to loll outside in the sun is a sign of wealth.


It''s too bad, though, because sun is so bad for the skin!

True, I''ve read that very long fingernails(like extra body fat) used to be a sign of leisure & wealth. In most cases now it seems the opposite.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:26:29 PM
Author: codex57

Date: 1/25/2006 3:54:56 AM
Author: kaylagee

Thanks JulieN, I''ve been curious about the role of physical traits/aesthetics in this whole scheme. In Asia, are the darker ''inferiors'' dark from outside work in the sun or genetically darker from generations of only marrying other dark Asians?

I suspect the darker ''inferior'' mentality came from both getting dark from working out in the sun and generations of marrying only other dark Asians. Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among ''Asians'' anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm. Having really, really white skin was a sign of beauty cuz it meant you weren''t outside laboring. When people started migrating out of China into other areas, they ran into aborigine groups native to the area (no idea where they came from cuz the history I learned comes from a Chinese dominated viewpoint). The ''Chinese'' took their prejudices and superiority complexes with them and looked down on the darker natives. The natives prolly were darker cuz they had to get out to survive.

When you get to Asian Americans tho, they''re not so hung up about light skin. American culture has taken care of that, both from being sensitive to racial differences and not caring about people''s skin color to the Hollywood mentality of tanning being a beauty treatment.

yep,that''s what i heard .

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/25/2006 1:01:02 PM
Author: kaylagee

Date: 1/25/2006 12:48:21 PM
Author: Hest88

Date: 1/25/2006 12:26:29 PM

Author: codex57


Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among ''Asians'' anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm.

Remember, this is not just an Asian thing. Until Coco Chanel popularized tans, white skin was prized because it meant that someone was a lady who didn''t have to labor outside in the fields. Now, with the prevelence of offices, the leisure time to loll outside in the sun is a sign of wealth.


It''s too bad, though, because sun is so bad for the skin!

True, I''ve read that very long fingernails(like extra body fat) used to be a sign of leisure & wealth. In most cases now it seems the opposite.

Kaylagee , my soul sister

not true

i got plenty of those and i ain''t rich.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/25/2006 8:14:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire


"...True, I''ve read that very long fingernails(like extra body fat) used to be a sign of leisure & wealth. In most cases now it seems the opposite." Kaylagee , my soul sister

not true

i got plenty of those and i ain''t rich.

LOL!! Join the club.. if there was only a way to be online while using the treadmill, i''d get in better shape.

i''m giggling abt "soul sister''

.. my mom often refers to James Brown as"Soul Brother No. 1", this always made me laugh esp. since i find JB horrible and atrocious.

So, fast-forward to meeting dh and it turns out he loves the alleged ''Godfather of Soul'' as much as my mom does.

So when he''s really into the music I call him "Soul brother No.2"

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/25/2006 8:44:00 PM
Author: kaylagee

Date: 1/25/2006 8:14:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire


''...True, I''ve read that very long fingernails(like extra body fat) used to be a sign of leisure & wealth. In most cases now it seems the opposite.''
Kaylagee , my soul sister

not true

i got plenty of those and i ain''t rich.

LOL!! Join the club.. if there was only a way to be online while using the treadmill, i''d get in better shape.

i''m giggling abt ''soul sister''

.. my mom often refers to James Brown as''Soul Brother No. 1'', this always made me laugh esp. since i find JB horrible and atrocious.

So, fast-forward to meeting dh and it turns out he loves the alleged ''Godfather of Soul'' as much as my mom does.

So when he''s really into the music I call him ''Soul brother No.2''

i love all the soul hits from the 70''s-80''s. they''re the best!!!

i don''t care for JB either.

 

[JulieN]

Date: 1/25/2006 12:26:29 PM
Author: codex57

Date: 1/25/2006 3:54:56 AM
Author: kaylagee

Thanks JulieN, I''ve been curious about the role of physical traits/aesthetics in this whole scheme. In Asia, are the darker ''inferiors'' dark from outside work in the sun or genetically darker from generations of only marrying other dark Asians?

I suspect the darker ''inferior'' mentality came from both getting dark from working out in the sun and generations of marrying only other dark Asians. Not counting Indians (and they don''t seem to count themselves among ''Asians'' anyways), the dominant Asian group in Asia came from the China region. That''s why if you ignore all the nationalistic crap, Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese all have similar features. If you were rich, you had servants to farm. Having really, really white skin was a sign of beauty cuz it meant you weren''t outside laboring. When people started migrating out of China into other areas, they ran into aborigine groups native to the area (no idea where they came from cuz the history I learned comes from a Chinese dominated viewpoint). The ''Chinese'' took their prejudices and superiority complexes with them and looked down on the darker natives. The natives prolly were darker cuz they had to get out to survive.

Darker "inferiors" are both because of sun exposure (women from my family use from "ivory/fair/01" foundation to "medium beige" and "tan," all because of sun) and from marrying darker people. Codex''s answer is pretty much what I would say, although I would use India.

How sun exposure meant that darker people were inferior: "If you were rich, you had servants to farm. Having really, really white skin was a sign of beauty cuz it meant you weren''t outside laboring."

How genetically dark people became "inferior:" 1500 BC, the fair Aryans migrated into India, displacing the dark Dravidian people. The caste system was institutionalized by the Aryans, which, even today, strictly limits one''s potential marriage pool. Caste is called "varna," which means color. The Aryans were at the top of the social ladder, the Dravidians were at the bottom. So for a long long time, you had people of a certain genetic makeup selectively mating.

 

[ForteKitty]

Date: 1/25/2006 2:33:22 AM
Author: jaysonsmom

Here's a different twist, and one thing that bothers me a lot. I hope what I say doesn't piss people off, the title of this thread did invite the darkside of 'interracial' relationships:

I feel that as an Asian female, we're thought of as exotic sex objects, free-for-all, easy prey for all races. It comes from American GI movie stereotypes that show easy asian PROSTITUTES throwing themselves at everyone. I remember being pawed at clubs or bars by total strangers (all races) because they feel like they can treat Asian women with disrespect. It doesn't only happen in clubs, it's happened to me at the DMV, in supermarkets....it's really demeaning and annoying. It seems to me that the men that seem to respect Asian women are the Asian men. That's my personal experience anyway, and those negative feelings of total lack of respect by men of other races probably played a part in my choice to marry within my own race.

Perfect example of this happened to me today...

This upcoming weekend happens to be Lunar New Year, so my division's "party committee" is throwing a luncheon at a Chinese restaurant, requesting everyone to dress festive. I also have to make a presentation at work tomorrow afternoon. Since everyone's dressing up, I mentioned that I would just wear my garb to the presentation. It is casual, so no big deal. One of my male co-worker (non-asian) automatically piped up with, "wow, none of the guys are gonna listen to a word you say, because they will all be fantasizing about you in that tight little red silk dress. Will you be wearing heels too?"

1. my dress is blue
2. it's not tight
3. i wanted to kick his @ss. and the @ss of every other guy that was agreeing with him. grr.

 

[kaylagee]

same aryan as in ''aryan nation''/ hitler etc.?

''varna'' makes me think of ''varnish''

 

[bookworm21]

Date: 1/26/2006 2:52:54 AM
Author: ForteKitty

Date: 1/25/2006 2:33:22 AM
Author: jaysonsmom

Here''s a different twist, and one thing that bothers me a lot. I hope what I say doesn''t piss people off, the title of this thread did invite the darkside of ''interracial'' relationships:

I feel that as an Asian female, we''re thought of as exotic sex objects, free-for-all, easy prey for all races. It comes from American GI movie stereotypes that show easy asian PROSTITUTES throwing themselves at everyone. I remember being pawed at clubs or bars by total strangers (all races) because they feel like they can treat Asian women with disrespect. It doesn''t only happen in clubs, it''s happened to me at the DMV, in supermarkets....it''s really demeaning and annoying. It seems to me that the men that seem to respect Asian women are the Asian men. That''s my personal experience anyway, and those negative feelings of total lack of respect by men of other races probably played a part in my choice to marry within my own race.

Perfect example of this happened to me today...

This upcoming weekend happens to be Lunar New Year, so my division''s ''party committee'' is throwing a luncheon at a Chinese restaurant, requesting everyone to dress festive. I also have to make a presentation at work tomorrow afternoon. Since everyone''s dressing up, I mentioned that I would just wear my garb to the presentation. It is casual, so no big deal. One of my male co-worker (non-asian) automatically piped up with, ''wow, none of the guys are gonna listen to a word you say, because they will all be fantasizing about you in that tight little red silk dress. Will you be wearing heels too?''

1. my dress is blue
2. it''s not tight
3. i wanted to kick his @ss. and the @ss of every other guy that was agreeing with him. grr.

Wow FK. That sounds like a highly inappropriate comment to made in a work in environment. I would have chewed him out in front of everyone. But that''s me and my temper.

 

[ForteKitty]

I''m already known as "the one with the bad temper".... besides, those guys would just think i''m overreacting or something. No need to waste my breath.

 

[Mara]

Date: 1/26/2006 12:59:14 PM
Author: ForteKitty
I''m already known as ''the one with the bad temper''.... besides, those guys would just think i''m overreacting or something. No need to waste my breath.

HR may disagree.

 

[SoonIHope]

Re: Kaylagee''s comments on African American women''s hair:

I have a close friend who is black, who for the first several years I knew her generally straightened her hair. She had a hard time keeping it very long and/or thick because she didn''t want to spend a ton of time on it, so she finally got sick of it and decided to stop relaxing it. She now has gorgeous curly hair (small tight curls that are fairly well formed, aka not frizzy at all) that is maybe 8 inches long (when curly) and sticks out pretty horizontally from her head (aka does not lie flat/downward). It''s absolutely beautiful and she now takes better care of it because it''s not such a pain, so as far as I''m concerned it always looks really nice.

She got a job as a tour guide for the UN when she was still relaxing her hair, and kept it as she stopped relaxing it. Virtually all of her friends and family commented on how great it looks the new way, etc. But after a month or so of wearing it that way at her job AT THE UNITED NATIONS, her boss had a talk with her about how her "new look" is "sloppy and unprofessional." He said she would have to wear her hair fully pinned back, or with a cloth covering it, if she did not wish to straighten it like it had been before.

?????????? She was understandably outraged, and wrote him a long letter later (she was too shocked to say anything at the time) explaining that if she is wearing clean unwrinkled clothes, with respectable makeup, and clean neat hair - HOW IS IT UNPROFESSIONAL TO WEAR HER HAIR IN ITS NATURAL STATE????

(Although she obviously refrained from the angry fire faces and all caps!) But seriously, if even at the UN, hair like hers isn''t acceptable, what does THAT mean??

Here''s the best pic of her hair I could find in my 30 second search...isn''t it pretty and NOT sloppy and unprofessional???

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/26/2006 1:05:46 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/26/2006 12:59:14 PM

Author: ForteKitty

I''m already known as ''the one with the bad temper''.... besides, those guys would just think i''m overreacting or something. No need to waste my breath.

HR may disagree.

true!

****

that''s the Q - that line between tackiness and racism.

FK, that was over the racist line IMO. not burning crosses but beyond tacky. i don''t know how you remained calm.