Did any bride''s parents ask for a dowry?

[CrownJewel]

Date: 1/18/2007 3:04:20 PM
Author: psaddict

I''ve searched all over the internet and can''t find anything that says there is a Chinese tradition for the parents to take all the money from the bride and groom after not paying for the wedding. For example this is from Wikipedia, about Chinese traditional wedding customs:

Once there, the couple then kneels and kow-tows to their parents, and to their ancestors - taking note to bow and kow-tow to all four directions (north, south, east and west). They will also pour tea and serve it to their parents, which then the parents accept and gives the couple a red envelope (or hong-bao) filled with cash. Usually, the mothers will take this opportunity to also give the bride many pieces of gold jewelry or heirlooms.

After this ceremony, it is considered that the couple is married, and the family and guests spend the evening feasting and drinking all night long. During this meal, the bride will change her outfit several times; generally a new outfit for each course. This shows her new family, and her guests her wealth and status. Often, many games will be played during this banquet. Guests give the bride and groom gifts of cash, stuffed in red packets or envelopes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_traditions_and_customs


From this, it sounds like the parents AND the guests give the couple gifts of cash in addition to jewelry. Not that the parents give no cash and take the cash that others have given to the couple! This ''tradition'' sounds like something that a few odd families may have forced on their kids, and not something that''s actually a widespread, cultural tradition.

psaddict and Wikipedia are correct. That is the Chinese wedding tradition. Over time many Chinese traditions migrated to surrounding countries and were "tweaked" a little.

 

[NYCsparkle]

What does your FI family think about this?

I am shocked that parents would suggest this!!! You should tell your parents that if they want to pay they can keep the packets. don''t let them bully you on your wedding day. it will be their loss if they don''t come. and less stress for you. if you decide to give the red packets, maybe you should give your familys packets to your parents and keep your inlaws family and your friends gifts. you should make your parents write the thank you notes---lol

 

[lili]

wolftress,

sorry that you are in this predicament.
what your parents asked for is actually not unheard of.
look at the moderm tradition section of the following link.
http://www.chinese-poems.com/wedcus.html

do your parents want to collect everything?
perhaps as a show of respect for your parents, give them some number of tables for their guests.
and they can take whatever is received from those tables.

 

[Bunnifer]

Date: 1/18/2007 3:39:26 PM
Author: lili
wolftress,


sorry that you are in this predicament.

what your parents asked for is actually not unheard of.

look at the moderm tradition section of the following link.

http://www.chinese-poems.com/wedcus.html

I read it and I didn''t see any reference to the parents taking all of the red packets...

Quote from the article: "The couple will then serve tea to the superior in the bride''s family. The bride''s parents will be the first to be served, followed by other relatives. Each one will give the couple some present in return, often red packets and jewelry for the bride [gold is often preferred in the Southern region]." (emphasis added)

 

[zdrastvootya]

I''ve not heard about parents collecting all the packets. I''ll run it by my wife. (Wife and I are of Chinese background. I was born in Canada; she was born in Vietnam.)

When my brother-in-law married, he had to pay the bride''s mother (plus traditional gifts, tea, etc.). The amount was in the $1,000''s.

When I married, I paid mother-in-law amount in the hundreds. Woo hoo, bargain!!! (My wife doesn''t like when I celebrate this.) Seriously though, I read the large amount my brother-in-law had to pay as somewhat insulting (on his desirability has a husband) and kind of over-the-top by the parents. My wife sees it as a number they just made up.

Z.

 

[qtiekiki]

Date: 1/18/2007 2:24:26 AM
Author: wolftress

Date: 1/18/2007 2:14:00 AM
Author: qtiekiki
Ok I am Chinese and I had heard this. My mom had mentioned it to me when we got married that sometimes the bride''s parents keep the red envelopes from their guests (not every guests) as the dowry instead of getting it ahead of time. Dowry in Chinese culture is usually cash and gifts that the groom''s family gives to the bride''s family (the amounts are discussed and agree upon during parents meeting). My mom didn''t ask for any dowry, but my MIL asked her what she wanted when we were meeting about the wedding. If your parents want a dowry, then they should''ve asked for one. With that said, is there any way your parents can let you keep the red envelopes for the wedding and get a dowry later on when you have extra cash? Just to compromise and make them happy. I know how Asian parents can be with cultures and traditions and it''s tough dealing with cultures clashes since we had many arguments over traditions as well. Hang in there; everything will turn out fine.

Qtiekiki, just out of curiousity, is your hubby Chinese too?

Yes he is Chinese too. You would think that with us both being Chinese it would be easier, but everyone has their own versions of the traditions. Throwing in Chinese superstitions and American cultures, it''s a big mess.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. That's just NOT okay. I frankly don't care about tradition. Your a new couple starting out. Common sense trumps. Tell them to keep the jewelry.

The tradition arguement only goes so far. In some traditions/cultures women were expected to die with their husbands, in others women could be stoned to death. Tradition does NOT mean you have to do it. Common sense and enlightenment are the way to go. Unbelievable.

In my culture its tradition for the groom and his family to give a dowry and pay for the wedding. The woman gets jewelry on her weding day. Guess what? My parents are giving me jewelry too. But my FI isn't giving them a dowry. You keep what's sensible, you lose what isn't. Your parents sound like they are interpretting the traditions to suit them... not adapting them to siut you... and I'm sorry but that's just wrong and selfish.

ETA: It a good point that FI is from a different culture... his cultures have traditions too! In addition, I would just cut their friends from the guest list. I would. If your paying for the wedding, tell them they are welcome to have the red packets... but as a result your wedding will be limited only to immediate (and I first cousin cut off) family and yours and FI's close PERSONAL friends... and that they are welome to throw you a nice party for thier friends at thier house after you are married. You can't be expected to pay for a HUGE wedding for THIER friends and THIER honor AND fork over all the $$ money. Give them the money and do a small wedding... Or give them a small dowry, and pay them for the jewelery, and keep the money. Tell them the choice is theirs. But it's going to be one or the other.

 

[wolftress]

Date: 1/18/2007 4:31:29 PM
Author: zdrastvootya
I''ve not heard about parents collecting all the packets. I''ll run it by my wife. (Wife and I are of Chinese background. I was born in Canada; she was born in Vietnam.)

When my brother-in-law married, he had to pay the bride''s mother (plus traditional gifts, tea, etc.). The amount was in the $1,000''s.

When I married, I paid mother-in-law amount in the hundreds. Woo hoo, bargain!!! (My wife doesn''t like when I celebrate this.) Seriously though, I read the large amount my brother-in-law had to pay as somewhat insulting (on his desirability has a husband) and kind of over-the-top by the parents. My wife sees it as a number they just made up.

Z.

I was too embarassed to say this at first, but my parents originally wanted a dowry from my FI, close to 10,000. I blew up at them and said they were taking a roof away from their future grandchildren by such a demand. So now they think it''s more reasonable to take the red packets instead!!

They think they have done us a big favour by finally allowing the wedding, and I think after all the huge arguments we had, it seems the easier path to just let them get away with this. But if we do, who is to say what they want next? My sister has to send them money every month, which she can do because she earns 5 times as much as I do, but after my FI are married, we will be desperately saving for a house. So that is out of the question.

It''s a huge headache, and my parents aren''t the sort you can sit down and talk calmly with. If they get any whiff that they are being ''disrespected'' or slighted, there will be hell to pay. I suspect my relatives won''t think it''s so strange that my parents are taking the gifts as they''re from Singapore too... but my in laws are shocked. I am so embarassed by my parent''s attitude to the whole matter. We have never had a very good relationship, but this is really pushing things too far.

 

[poptart]

I really am sorry Wolftress. I don''t know much about the culture of Singpore, but it still seems so wrong for them to do this to you. And I don''t want to offend you at all, but do you think they may be hiding behind the mask of cultural protocol when really they are just bein selfish? It sounds like you and your FI could really use the money, and would put it to good use, like saving for a house. Have you asked any of your other family members about this red envelope situation? I really just think this would open the floodgates to something that will trail you for the rest of your life, like having to pay them money every month like your sister.

*M*

 

[wolftress]

Date: 1/18/2007 11:19:34 PM
Author: poptart
I really am sorry Wolftress. I don''t know much about the culture of Singpore, but it still seems so wrong for them to do this to you. And I don''t want to offend you at all, but do you think they may be hiding behind the mask of cultural protocol when really they are just bein selfish? It sounds like you and your FI could really use the money, and would put it to good use, like saving for a house. Have you asked any of your other family members about this red envelope situation? I really just think this would open the floodgates to something that will trail you for the rest of your life, like having to pay them money every month like your sister.

*M*

My relatives don''t want to comment as they feel in our culture, whatever the parents say should be law. I''ve spoken to my Singaporean friends, and it seems to vary. Some modern parents will help pay for the wedding and let the couple keep the gifts; others help pay for the wedding and then take back the gifts. But so far, my parents are the only ones who refuse to help out at all, and also want the money.

When my FI and first met, my parents went through the roof. They had high hopes of me ''bagging a rich husband'', and they claimed this was because they wanted someone to give me a life of luxury. I never wanted a life of luxury!! I now wonder if they wanted me to marry someone rich who would also take care of them financially...

There''s been a lot of heartache with this whole wedding. We had to send my parents our invitations 3 times for them to approve the wording, my mum says she doesn''t like my wedding dress, they want to choose the menu... this is just the icing on the cake. Thank goodness after FI and I are married, we''ll be living in a different country!!

 

[poptart]

Date: 1/18/2007 11:38:02 PM
Author: wolftress

Date: 1/18/2007 11:19:34 PM
Author: poptart
I really am sorry Wolftress. I don''t know much about the culture of Singpore, but it still seems so wrong for them to do this to you. And I don''t want to offend you at all, but do you think they may be hiding behind the mask of cultural protocol when really they are just bein selfish? It sounds like you and your FI could really use the money, and would put it to good use, like saving for a house. Have you asked any of your other family members about this red envelope situation? I really just think this would open the floodgates to something that will trail you for the rest of your life, like having to pay them money every month like your sister.

*M*

My relatives don''t want to comment as they feel in our culture, whatever the parents say should be law. I''ve spoken to my Singaporean friends, and it seems to vary. Some modern parents will help pay for the wedding and let the couple keep the gifts; others help pay for the wedding and then take back the gifts. But so far, my parents are the only ones who refuse to help out at all, and also want the money.

When my FI and first met, my parents went through the roof. They had high hopes of me ''bagging a rich husband'', and they claimed this was because they wanted someone to give me a life of luxury. I never wanted a life of luxury!! I now wonder if they wanted me to marry someone rich who would also take care of them financially...

There''s been a lot of heartache with this whole wedding. We had to send my parents our invitations 3 times for them to approve the wording, my mum says she doesn''t like my wedding dress, they want to choose the menu... this is just the icing on the cake. Thank goodness after FI and I are married, we''ll be living in a different country!!

Well, I am just so sorry. This most obviously puts a horrible strain on the relationship with your parents, and is probably also confusing to you and your FI. So I guess the question is now, what can you do so the two of you actually GET your gifts? Can you request, as an earlier poster suggested, that guests don''t give red envelopes but rather you can register somewhere. It just seems like highway robbery for your money and gifts to be taken on the day of your wedding when your parents didn''t even help you monetarily! It really sounds more like greed than anything else. So do you think there are any options open to you and your FI?

*M*

 

[jamiesorr]

I am so sorry that your parents are doing this to you. I had a friend who had a locked box at the wedding for all the envelopes to go in. (her reasoning was because there had been a lot of theft recently at the place she chose for her reception) Might this be a solution for you? If you had the key you could determine what portion of the money your parents get.

I wish you the best and hope you can find a solution to this so you can enjoy your wedding day.

 

[CrownJewel]

When my parents were being stubborn about wanting to invite a ton of relatives that I don''t know and my fiance''s parents were being stubborn about not wanting to have a wedding AT ALL (mind you, my fiance and I are paying for EVERYTHING ourselves) but we didn''t want to ignore our parents input, we both thought about eloping. I even told my mom that I would rather elope than deal with planning the wedding. She wasn''t completely appalled by the idea...

I know it may be inappropriate for me to suggest this, but what if you and your fiance elope? Then there would be no red envelopes to deal with at all!

 

[wolftress]

Unfortunately, eloping isn''t an option. I wish it was!

I don''t think there''s an easy solution to this without treading on some toes. People usually write their names on the red packets, so if I just give some to my parents, they''ll ask why so-and-so didn''t give one.

I really like the idea of a registry. I went to some travel agents today, and it seems like the easiest option. I will personally let the guests know we''ve signed up with a registry, and not tell my parents at all. I think some older relatives might balk at the idea, and even ask my parents why we''re doing this, though. But I''ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I hate to sound like I''m grumbling about everything, but it''s made me really indignant. I pointed out to my parents that they were so miserable trying to please my grandmother when they first got married, so why are they doing this to us?? And my dad said, "It''s tradition. We had to do it, so you should too, to show you honour your parents."

I do know I''m very lucky to have found my FI, who must really love me to put up with my parents!

 

[wolftress]

I wanted to add a big THANK YOU to all of you for your support and encouragement. And especially letting me know it is NOT common and NOT acceptable. My FI and I have never been married, so we know nothing about all this. I''m so grateful for all your comments and suggestions!

 

[diamondfan]

Wolf, those envelopes are GIFTS to you from your guests. A dowry, which seems to me to be an antiquated concept that is not really in force in this day (I might be wrong but...) would be something that the BRIDES family gives to the GROOM and his family in payment for marrying her. I do not ever recall the GROOM having to give one to the bride''s family, but again, do not know a lot about the custom.

However and especially since you are paying for your wedding, they are YOUR gifts. No ifs ands or buts. Would you be handing them your crock pots or china settings too?!

 

[diamondfan]

Wolf, want to add that if your dad is willing to emotionally blackmail you, the heck with him. Do NOT buy his participation as someone said, and do not let yourself be manipulated. If he would do that to you over MONEY than I am sorry, but they are greedy and selfish people. I might not even want him to after he threatened me that way, but that is just my feelings and not something you have to agree with...

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 1/18/2007 8:49:48 PM
Author: Gypsy
Okay. That''s just NOT okay. I frankly don''t care about tradition. Your a new couple starting out. Common sense trumps. Tell them to keep the jewelry.


The tradition arguement only goes so far. In some traditions/cultures women were expected to die with their husbands, in others women could be stoned to death. Tradition does NOT mean you have to do it. Common sense and enlightenment are the way to go. Unbelievable.


In my culture its tradition for the groom and his family to give a dowry and pay for the wedding. The woman gets jewelry on her weding day. Guess what? My parents are giving me jewelry too. But my FI isn''t giving them a dowry. You keep what''s sensible, you lose what isn''t. Your parents sound like they are interpretting the traditions to suit them... not adapting them to siut you... and I''m sorry but that''s just wrong and selfish.

EXACTLY. I went to a college which was about 30% Asian kids, and a large chunk of Indian as well, so I saw stuff like this a lot. The fact that it''s tradition doesn''t make it *right.* My whole field of work is supposed to be about looking at other cultures mindsets to try and come to a rapprochement--and guess what, sometimes there isn''t one. The custom or tradition is wrong and abusive and should stop. Honestly, bride payments (cause this isn''t a "dowry") IMO objectify women as property. As does the view that your daughter is there to take care of you and make you happy.

I can understand honoring your parents and viewing the family as a group rather than being so darn individualistic, as many Americans are. I can understand helping your parents with money if they need it or if they paid for the wedding. But I think there is an objective moral line...

 

[anchor31]

My FI''s parents, although not Asian, are very much like this... They also think "we raised you so you owe me" and they''re constantly threatening and blackmailing him into giving them money.

In fact, they are living beyond their means and using their children to help them pay their bills...

My FI has made it clear to them that he will no longer give them money once we will be married and they are livid! I don''t expect them to give us anything for the wedding, even a gift; my FMIL even wanted us to make our guests pay for themselves so they wouldn''t have to.

So, I can relate. I''m sorry you have to go through this, I wouldn''t wish that on anyone.

 

[allycat0303]

Well I think that your parents don''t like your FI so they are making it more difficult then it need be. Personally, I''m Viet, I told my boyfriend I would be sending my parents money when they are older, and it was fine with him (he''s french canadian). It''s also totally fine with me, my parents raised me and gave me everything, so I want to be able to help them out. It''s expected in our culture, but none of the kids mind. My parents won''t be helping us out with the wedding, but they aren''t demanding the wedding gifts, they are just happy I''ll be able to cover most of the wedding costs with the wedding gifts.

I think the best solution is to register and accept that the monetary gifts may be taken by your parents (as you don''t want to offend them etc.). My parents demanded a dowry for my sister but not for me. Mainly because her husband to be is Viet, so it''s a sign of respect and honor for the future family in law to my parents, and they don''t want to be shamed in the Viet community.

For me, since I''m marrying a Canadian, my parents never mentioned a dowry etc., because they understand that it''s a different culture. But if they had demanded one, me and my guy would have figured out a way to make everyone happy (we probably would have paid it ourself if necessary. I think of it has having a little annoyance in order to keep long-standing friendly relations.)

Good luck with your situation!

 

[eleguin]

I was just telling my fiance about this whole post and how it''s a good thing that his parents don''t have any daughters because they are super traditional (although probably not to the point that wolftress''s parents are though). My fiance reminded me that when we first got engaged, his parents asked how much my parents wanted as dowry and suggested $10k because that was what their relatives had given/received. My parents don''t follow tradition very much so they didn''t want a dowry, they suggested that his parents give us the money instead to help with a down payment on a home after we''re married.

Recently, my fiance''s mom asked my mom how many gift cards from the bakery that she wants to distribute. Apparently, the groom''s family is supposed to buy gift cards from bakeries (like $10 per card) to give to the brides family to distribute to their friends and relatives. My mom had never heard of this before so she said she didn''t want any. And then my fiance told my parents that a few weeks before the wedding, his family is supposed to bring them a whole roast pig, a bunch of chickens and a lot of other food. Again, my mom said that they are really small eaters and it wasn''t necessary. But then his parents said that they will end up looking bad for not giving my parents all the things that they''re traditionally supposed to. I told my parents to just let them give what they want so they will feel like they did the right thing by tradition.

When people are stuck on tradition (or whatever they claim to be tradition, even if totally out-of-date), there is just no talking reason with them.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Hi, me again.

I ran this by my wife. She just thought of it as the "bride-price" traditionally paid to the bride''s parents. No big negative reaction from her - she thinks of it as the parents'' right. But then again, she didn''t see the negative connotation on the husband-to-be when the price is really high. (My wife is pretty accepting of these traditions, being raised in a more traditional family. I''m more like my father, who came to Canada very young. He would allow traditions, but would put his foot down when he thought they were stupid.)

This brings me to a sidebar on the concept of saving face. The traditions seem all about appearances. The fact that money being given shows everyone how respectful the children are, and how deserving of respect the parents are. The reality of course, is that real respect has gone out the window - there''s only the little show, the appearance of respect.

I always find that those that are most concerned with showing everyone how respectable they are, have the most to hide. They rely on gestures rather than actions. If you were really respectable, you wouldn''t have to worry about how everything about you is perceived.

Just my rant. Sorry.

Z.

 

[zdrastvootya]

Date: 1/19/2007 10:42:04 AM
Author: eleguin
I was just telling my fiance about this whole post and how it''s a good thing that his parents don''t have any daughters because they are super traditional (although probably not to the point that wolftress''s parents are though). My fiance reminded me that when we first got engaged, his parents asked how much my parents wanted as dowry and suggested $10k because that was what their relatives had given/received. My parents don''t follow tradition very much so they didn''t want a dowry, they suggested that his parents give us the money instead to help with a down payment on a home after we''re married.

Recently, my fiance''s mom asked my mom how many gift cards from the bakery that she wants to distribute. Apparently, the groom''s family is supposed to buy gift cards from bakeries (like $10 per card) to give to the brides family to distribute to their friends and relatives. My mom had never heard of this before so she said she didn''t want any. And then my fiance told my parents that a few weeks before the wedding, his family is supposed to bring them a whole roast pig, a bunch of chickens and a lot of other food. Again, my mom said that they are really small eaters and it wasn''t necessary. But then his parents said that they will end up looking bad for not giving my parents all the things that they''re traditionally supposed to. I told my parents to just let them give what they want so they will feel like they did the right thing by tradition.

When people are stuck on tradition (or whatever they claim to be tradition, even if totally out-of-date), there is just no talking reason with them.

My wife''s family was very big on the "train" of gifts (including a roast pig) that came with me when I came to her family''s house. Very important tradition for them. My mother wasn''t very familiar with this tradition and neither was my uncle, even though he was married in China and only arrived in the ''70''s. My wife was exasperated: "why don''t they know this? They''re from China!" It was serious business. Should we buy 2 bottles of whiskey or 4? (the question posed with great gravity.) I was like, "whatever. Get whatever makes us look good. I''ll pay for it."

There was some episode a while back with my Aunt and not enough cakes being distributed to her family. Very insulting! I was like, "whatever. Maybe they ran out of cakes (or money). Maybe they''re just cheap." She was just short of, "the wedding must be called off!" It''s that losing face thing.

Z.

 

[CrownJewel]

wolftress I just wanted to offer more support for whatever you and your fiance want to do. Always remember that above all the stress and all the different directions in which people want to pull you, this is YOUR future together. You and your fiance are merging two very different cultures together so you can make your own traditions. You live in a place that will NOT punish you for your choices, even if they break tradition.

I know you want to make your parents happy, but there are many different ways to respect them. They need to realize that they are disrespecting you and your fiance and your future parents-in-law. I am Chinese and my fiance is Russian, and my parents eventually realized that they need to be considerate of the Russian culture too. And they also said that my fiance and I need to make the choices that make US happy because we will be the ones living with our decisions. My parents and I don''t have a very close relationship, but I still think they want me around so they want to avoid any conflicts. I agree with Ally that your parents sound like they''re trying to make things more difficult for you simply because they don''t like your fiance. Be strong, stand up for him and for yourself.

Traditions evolve, cultures evolve. It''s time your parents learn that there is a world outside of the Singapore-Chinese bubble. You will end up being proud of yourself for making the choices that you make as long as they make you happy. Things will always work out in the end.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Here's the last thing I'm going to say about this.

Your sister took the easy way out.

You're tempted too.

But if you really think about it, the easy way out isn't that easy. This is the begining of your lives together. You should begin as you intend to go on. Think about all the heartache and stress this is addiing to your lives. If you cave this time... EVERYTIME your parents decide they are entitled to something, they will put you through this because they will never forget you caved this time. EVERYTIME. However, if you put your foot down NOW, and the writing is on the wall... next time they will be forced to think about YOU, and YOUR reaction before they demand something. And they will KNOW that just because they ask, doesn't mean that you'll comply. This isn't about a wedding honey. It's about your MARRIAGE. Till Death do you part.

You are being really brave by marrying a man outside your culture, given your family. And I know its been hard, and you just WISH the roadblocks would end. But this path you've chosen... you, IMO, have an obligation to follow through with.

Your FI isn't from your culture. They are disrespecting him... and probably have been all along. You cannot let them continue to do so. YOU have to stop them. He can't. They aren't his parents. All he can do is support you.

Think about how you'd feel if the situation were reversed. His family couldn't stand you... not because of who you are, or what you've done... but because of your National Origin. And that this was such in impediment in their mind that they made you GROVEL for their approval. Then when the approval is given it comes with the condition that you have to swallow YOUR pride, forget YOUR traditions and values, just so that they will not be offended-- and that expectation is going to last YOUR WHOLE MARRIAGE . How would you feel if you were starting a life with your FI and he wanted to take the easy way out with HIS parents

You're halfway there. Don't stop now. You owe this to yourself and your children. Will you ever be able to feel GOOD about caving to your parents? Will he? How will you explain it to your American children that you gave in to these tyrants. I wouldn't want to set that example, personally.

 

[wolftress]

FI and I have decided to sign up for a honeymoon registry. The best thing about this travel agency is, if guests give you more $$ than the honeymoon costs, the remaining amount is deposited in your account, so we can put that into paying off our wedding! We''ve decided to go to Tasmania, beautiful but affordable.

I''m a bit worried about what my parent''s reaction will be, when they find out. I am sending them sealed and addressed invitations with the registry information in the envelopes along with the invitations. I guess if they demand to know why, I''ll tell them they never told us we *couldn''t* do this, and try to keep the peace as best as I can.

Thank you to everyone for helping and supporting us with this problem, especially to cpster and all the rest who suggested the honeymoon registry. Will keep everyone posted on what happens next...

 

[poptart]

GOOD FOR YOU!! You will feel much better knowing that you didn''t let your parents manipulate you, and I bet your FI has a load off of his back as well. It''s great that you found a solution that will actually work!

*M*

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/20/2007 11:30:05 PM
Author: wolftress
FI and I have decided to sign up for a honeymoon registry. The best thing about this travel agency is, if guests give you more $$ than the honeymoon costs, the remaining amount is deposited in your account, so we can put that into paying off our wedding! We''ve decided to go to Tasmania, beautiful but affordable.

I''m a bit worried about what my parent''s reaction will be, when they find out. I am sending them sealed and addressed invitations with the registry information in the envelopes along with the invitations. I guess if they demand to know why, I''ll tell them they never told us we *couldn''t* do this, and try to keep the peace as best as I can.

Thank you to everyone for helping and supporting us with this problem, especially to cpster and all the rest who suggested the honeymoon registry. Will keep everyone posted on what happens next...

That''s great, so glad to hear this!!! So glad that cpster suggested this idea. Hold firm and strong. You''re well on your way to a fabulous honeymoon in Tasmania!! Woohoo!!!!

 

[Clarygrace]

Call their bluff...if they say "it is recompense for losing a daughter", give them the red packets and if you have the emotional fortitude to do it, tell them they have lost their daughter to red packets and will not see you again. But stick to your guns...

Sorry, I have no patience for century old so called traditions, that are anachronistic, downright extortionist and that consider people chattel. Sorry, but that''s how I''d handle it.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Date: 1/21/2007 10:04:21 AM
Author: Clarygrace
Call their bluff...if they say ''it is recompense for losing a daughter'', give them the red packets and if you have the emotional fortitude to do it, tell them they have lost their daughter to red packets and will not see you again. But stick to your guns...

Sorry, I have no patience for century old so called traditions, that are anachronistic, downright extortionist and that consider people chattel. Sorry, but that''s how I''d handle it.

My thoughts exactly Clarygrace...but I was afraid to say it myself!

Wolftress, I''m glad you and your fiance have found a plan that may work for you. Stick to it!!