Dilemma - I don''''t want kids and he does

[hlmr]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:11:37 AM
Author: Pandora II

Finally - given a choice I would rather give birth several times over than re-live the first week of trying to breast-feed. Now that really is SCARY!

Scary indeed!! I called ever expert I could find in the phone book to help me, and no one called me back!!

It is not as easy for some as it is for others.

 

[celine]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:11:37 AM
Author: Pandora II
Celine, my birth story is probably not one to read as Princess said, but 7 weeks on I only have vague memories of most of it and a gorgeous daughter here in my arms.

I think everyone is scared of labour - it''s a complete unknown and no-one knows how their body will react and what will happen. But in the vast majority of cases everything goes normally and safely. If things don''t go to plan, as in my case, doctors know how to deal with everything and there are medications that mean you don''t feel a thing. My mother and sister both give birth with zero drugs and in double quick time so everyone assumed I would have a pretty easy time when it came to labour - so you can''t base what your experience will be on how it was for your mother unless of course you both have some physical condition that would influence things.

I had an episiotomy and since I had an epidural in I couldn''t even tell you when it was done - nor could I feel them sewing me back up. At my hospital in the UK they only do them rarely and when there is a real danger of tearing or with an instrumental delivery (ie forceps). Here they do what is called ''medio-lateral'' so that there is no danger of having a tear that can damage other bits of you. It does hurt the first week - but they give you painkillers to deal with that. That area of your body is, as my OB friend says, very forgiving as it has such a large blood-supply so it all heals pretty quickly.

I''m 36 and so ''should'' find it harder to bounce back - but after 7 weeks I''m pretty much back to my pre-preggo weight, I''m wearing all my old clothes and honestly other than somewhat bigger boobs I look no different from before!

Finally - given a choice I would rather give birth several times over than re-live the first week of trying to breast-feed. Now that really is SCARY!

ETA: With surrogacy you would have to go through all kinds of medical procedures in order to collect the eggs. I''d much rather just do things the normal way if that option was available!

to be honest, I dare not read your birth story after receiving the "warning" from Princess. But hey, i supposed it can''t be that bad if you''re feeling perfectly fine now!

My friend who had just delivered is still recalling all her horrible bith experience, so I am trying to just play with the baby (now 3-4 months) and practice selective listening everytime I go round to see her! She seems to look fine though, but of course I can''t be too sure from all the stories she is telling!

I''m glad that nobody else thought that I''m shallow. I don''t think that I am shallow, maybe just slightly naive. And i actually find it easier to talk about things like these on an anonymous online forum. Maybe it''s my cultural background. Thats not meant to stereotype any Asians/ Malaysians... but the people that I contact with on regular basis seems to be more negative than positive. And of course that made me more frightened than I already was.

By the way, I have no idea that breast feeding can be scary??

 

[Pandora II]

A lot of how you deal with a difficult or traumatic birth comes down to your expectations.

If you want a lovely natural birth with nothing more than whale music, candles and a bit of lavender oil and have a ten page birth plan listing what you don''t want then you are more likely to suffer emotionally when the birth ends in an operating theatre with a c-section or whatever.

I went in saying do whatever you need to do to keep us both safe, tell me what you are going to do and get the anaesthetist there with that epidural preferably before I get to the hospital

. I also have a father who did a lot of obstetrics in the Third World and so I was very aware of what can happen, and whilst rare in the Western world it can still occur here too. So, although I was shaken up I haven''t ended up with PTSD like some people do.

If your friend is still traumatised 3-4 months after the birth she really needs to seek help. It is normal to feel the need to talk things through for a while but to feel like you describe her is not healthy.

Breastfeeding is great once you get the hang of it - but the first few weeks are hell: either you have no milk or too much milk, so you''ve either got painful engorgement or you''re crying your eyes out because you think you are starving your child. Add in sore nipples that you have to keep feeding on - the thought of which makes your toes curl... and throw in a few cows of midwives who make you feel completely incompetent and have a nasty habit of grabbing the baby round the back of the neck with one hand and your boob with the other and shoving the two together...

But now it''s a piece of cake and I actually enjoy it...