Do you plan on taking his name?

[Anna0499]

Date: 6/4/2008 7:59:28 AM
Author: StarvingMusician
I''m keeping my last name. I know that this isn''t the case, but for my little feminist mind, I just can''t get over changing my name from what it was for 23 years. Try as I might, it still feels like he owns me. Thankfully, when I talked to boyfriend about this, he was surprised that I even had thought about changing my last name. He just assumed that I would keep mine, so no pressure. When we have children, we''ll hyphenate their last names, because niether of us have hard last names, although they are both unique, and they sound fine hyphenated. That way they have something from both families.

Ditto for me! I love my family and would never think of just erasing them completely from my name, just me though. They are so much a part of who I am. My name is hypenated and I''m always proud to say that I have both my parents names. In many cultures women don''t change their name at all or just add on their husbands. I won''t feel any less a part of my family because I don''t put a lot of weight into the idea that the name gives you some sort of special identity. People who are not married have different last names but I don''t think they are any less of a family...and many people have the same names but aren''t really close family. Anyway, this is another subject that everyone has their own thoughts about and it''s all preference so I wanted to put my .02 in!

 

[FrekeChild]

I'm really excited to take FF's last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, "No, your LAST name." Like I'm an idiot and don't know my last name. So my line for that is: "That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?"

So instead of EMK I'll be EMKW. I'll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it's a common girl's name anyway!

ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad's occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I've been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 6/4/2008 10:45:56 AM
Author: rob09
Maybe I am ignorant about American laws - but what would prevent the husband from taking his wife''s last name ''for the sake of family unity'' ??? Sorry, but if both have a choice then the family unity argument for choosing HIS last name is bogus. If you hate your last name or want to follow traditions - that makes a lot more sense.

I agree with your point...the whole family unity argument doesn''t explain why the MAN''s name must prevail (American tradition, etc. is a better argument here). Also, something really just rubs me the wrong way when someone says "it''s ____ job to carry on the family name." It just doesn''t sound right, it''s like you''re putting the fate of the family name on one male to procreate or else. I love my family name and if my SO had a problem with me keeping it, we might have deeper problems. I couldn''t see myself marrying someone who just HAS to make me erase my family''s name from mine even if I like it. I mean, how would he feel if I was hurt he didn''t want to take MINE? Of course, this doesn''t apply if you don''t care or have no ties to your name, etc.

 

[pocahontas]

I’ll be taking FI’s name, but keeping mine as a second middle name even though it’s so not a common first name like Freke’s

Everyone thinks I’m crazy because I have a very long name – my first, middle and last name equals 23 letters and adding his makes it 28 – I say, what’s an extra 5 letters, right? To be honest, dropping my maiden name and taking his last name would sound much better since both my first and middle names are Hispanic sounding and would flow nicely with his Colombian last name. But, as others have stated, I feel really connected to my family name and don’t want to lose that part of my identity. Our children will have his last name only – I wouldn't want them left out of social events because their names don’t fit on invitations, right?

 

[that_someone_special]

I will be taking his last name. However, I want to only take one (he has two).. but it would be too much of a hassel. His last name barely fits on credit cards, and combined with my first name which is longer than his first name, I'm going to have a 27 lettered name (first middle last-name) *gag* my poor children will be 10 before they can spell their whole name. Good thing I'm not keeping mine and taking his.. i'd then have a 35 lettered name.

My initials will go form JEH to JEP-H..

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 6/5/2008 11:54:36 PM
Author: that_someone_special
my poor children will be 10 before they can spell their whole name.

Too funny! I can relate - this is why I've chosen not to hyphenate my last name - poor kids would never have any friends.

 

[Octavia]

Hehe, if I were to hyphenate, my last name alone would be 21 letters + hyphen (mine = 11, his = 10). The kids will have FI's last name, but they'd probably have it easier if we gave them mine...while mine is one letter longer, it's at least somewhat pronounceable by English speakers. His is easy enough for people who speak his native language, but is damn near unpronounceable by everyone else...even I worry about saying it right sometimes!

 

[that_someone_special]

lol I know.. I think about this every time someone sees his name on his card or check and they say things like, "Whaaat? What kind of name is that? How do you say that?"...

 

[that_someone_special]

Wows! That would be a loooong last name!

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 6/6/2008 12:48:55 AM
Author: Octavia
His is easy enough for people who speak his native language, but is damn near unpronounceable by everyone else...even I worry about saying it right sometimes!

ROFLMAO

 

[Independent Gal]

Our kids will take his last name too. But I get to pick their first names. We have important family traditions there, so this way we''ll both be passing something along in our kids names.

 

[WishfulThinking]

As of right now, neither of us plan to change our last name. Since neither of us has the social "expectation" to-being a same sex couple gets rid of a lot of those burdens, for sure-it makes it easier for us to just not bother with it. We also both think of the tradition as being sort of silly [nothing against anyone who does choose it!]. Then again, a little voice in the back of my head wonders whether having the same last name would avoid a lot of awkward situations that we encounter now where people assume that we are just close friends rather than a couple. It might mean less explaining, which we think of as a good thing. We do refer to our hypothetical "some-day" dog as Stella [the name we both like] mylastname-herlastname, and it sounds pretty decent. We don't plan to have kids, though, and neither of us is crazy about the idea of a hyphenated last name because we've grown so attached to our own! Oh my side, my sister and I are the last children in our family to have my Dad's last name, and she is more traditional than I, so I expect she will take her husband's last name and their children will as well. It would be nice if I could "carry it on" in some way, since I don't think anyone else will be.

Some thoughts on the tradition itself: Name changes for wives were begun for a specific reason which includes women being treated as property; however, in almost no cases now is it really thought of that way, and I wouldn't at all say that women who choose to change their names or men who want their wife to take their name are playing into that dynamic. It depends on the couple, and as we've seen here, there are a number of great reasons why someone would want or not want to change their name. I guess I just wish people would THINK about it and other possibilities more instead of taking the status quo so easily and that men would be just a little less offended if their wives weren't into making such a huge, personal, and important step that for the most part men don't even have to deal with thinking about.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I'm really excited to take FF's last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, 'No, your LAST name.' Like I'm an idiot and don't know my last name. So my line for that is: 'That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?'

So instead of EMK I'll be EMKW. I'll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it's a common girl's name anyway!

ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad's occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I've been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn't it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.

ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

 

[sunnyd]

Okay so my initials are MMS, but some people like to think that St. Somethings have 2 last initials. I never understood that. They think my initials would be MMSS.

In my high school yearbook I got indexed under Something, Meagan St. What?! So ready to be MMD and be done with the craziness!! LOL...

Freke (or anyone) I need shoe approval!
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/these-shoes-with-this-dress.87055/

 

[wishful]

I will probably take SO''s last name.
I just think it''s cool that this day in age we can choose to follow tradition to the letter or to any degree we see fit. It''s kinda fun! I like options!

 

[Bliss]

Yes! I can''t wait! As Shakespeare wrote, "What''s in a name?"

The important part of my family lives in my heart and in my memories. Taking FI''s name would be an honor... Maybe it''s because professionally, I will keep my name. LOL. But legally I will change it.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:40:14 AM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I'm really excited to take FF's last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, 'No, your LAST name.' Like I'm an idiot and don't know my last name. So my line for that is: 'That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?'

So instead of EMK I'll be EMKW. I'll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it's a common girl's name anyway!

ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad's occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I've been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn't it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.

ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

You said your last name was Irish right?

And you're in the same situation I'm in most of the time?

And my General Practitioner who treats my mom, my dad, my aunt and my uncle-all with the last name K____-calls me K_____ as my first name. And then proceeds to ask about my parents. WTH? My name is NOT K____ Marie K_____!!!!

 

[katamari]

I always assumed I would hyphenate, but, here is my observation on the non-sustainability of the hyphenation trend:

Person1 X and Person2 Y become Couple X-Y and have Child X-Y
Person1 A and Person2 B become Couple A-B and have Child A-B

Child X-Y and Child A-B become Couple X-Y-A-B and have Child X-Y-A-B who then meets Child C-D-W-Z who couple to become Couple X-Y-A-B-C-D-W-Z. . .

Hence, hyphenation grows exponentially and makes people have to choose which names to keep/shed if it becomes a strong social trend.

So, my personal decision is to be a name keeper. But, I love the idea of name hybriding. Maybe SO and I''s kids (if he gets his way and we have them) will get a hybrid last name.

Good thread!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/6/2008 2:22:23 PM
Author: katamari
I always assumed I would hyphenate, but, here is my observation on the non-sustainability of the hyphenation trend:

Person1 X and Person2 Y become Couple X-Y and have Child X-Y
Person1 A and Person2 B become Couple A-B and have Child A-B

Child X-Y and Child A-B become Couple X-Y-A-B and have Child X-Y-A-B who then meets Child C-D-W-Z who couple to become Couple X-Y-A-B-C-D-W-Z. . .

Hence, hyphenation grows exponentially and makes people have to choose which names to keep/shed if it becomes a strong social trend.

So, my personal decision is to be a name keeper. But, I love the idea of name hybriding. Maybe SO and I''s kids (if he gets his way and we have them) will get a hybrid last name.

Good thread!

My FI and I might do that with our kids and I know the mayor of LA did it with his wife. I think it is a great solution when both parties care about the name.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/6/2008 1:51:10 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/6/2008 11:40:14 AM

Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM

Author: FrekeChild

I''m really excited to take FF''s last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can''t tell you how many times I''ve been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, ''No, your LAST name.'' Like I''m an idiot and don''t know my last name. So my line for that is: ''That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?''


So instead of EMK I''ll be EMKW. I''ll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it''s a common girl''s name anyway!


ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad''s occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I''ve been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn''t it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.


ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

You said your last name was Irish right?

And you''re in the same situation I''m in most of the time?

And my General Practitioner who treats my mom, my dad, my aunt and my uncle-all with the last name K____-calls me K_____ as my first name. And then proceeds to ask about my parents. WTH? My name is NOT K____ Marie K_____!!!!

LOL! That would be so funny if we were name twins! Although my middle name is Kaitlin, so at least that''s different!

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 6/6/2008 4:08:54 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/6/2008 1:51:10 PM

Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/6/2008 11:40:14 AM


Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM


Author: FrekeChild


I''m really excited to take FF''s last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can''t tell you how many times I''ve been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, ''No, your LAST name.'' Like I''m an idiot and don''t know my last name. So my line for that is: ''That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?''



So instead of EMK I''ll be EMKW. I''ll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it''s a common girl''s name anyway!



ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad''s occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I''ve been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn''t it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.



ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

You said your last name was Irish right?

And you''re in the same situation I''m in most of the time?

And my General Practitioner who treats my mom, my dad, my aunt and my uncle-all with the last name K____-calls me K_____ as my first name. And then proceeds to ask about my parents. WTH? My name is NOT K____ Marie K_____!!!!

LOL! That would be so funny if we were name twins! Although my middle name is Kaitlin, so at least that''s different!

A bit OT but I think I cracked your code and I always thought I could never date anyone with you last names b/c if we ever married I''d be K____ J. K____. I also avoided dating guys with the last name Green....b/c well the jokes are endless.

 

[MoonWater]

I will have two last names with no hyphen. I''ll likely use my maiden name academically/professionally and use his in every other respect. I told him if I ever wrote a book, it will not be his name hehehe.

Also, I think when this subject was covered before, (or I researched it on my own at this point I can''t remember), it was pointed out that men have a harder time taking their wives name. The legalities are an issue and it costs money (women can do it for free during an intial period after marriage...or something like that...it''s been a while, I can''t fully remember).

 

[M&MS]

I''m taking his last name because we are very traditional...but it totally weirds me out because I STILL call his mom Mrs. (lastname) after dating for 7.5 years! I''m just going to have to get over it and start calling her by her first name. Plus it will be especially weird because he has a sister with my same first and middle name, who is now married, but I''ll get her old name!!! I really hope she doesn''t have any outstanding library fines.

Haha but I love his last name, and it''s really similar to mine...same first and last letter, only one letter longer...so I doubt it''ll be a big change! I''ll even have the same initials! (hence my username, he is MS and I am MS, haha)...now THAT is kinda spooky.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I am taking my boyfriend''s last name when we get married (eventually). For me it is something new for our own family. His parents divorced when he was 7 and his mom immediately changed her name. My parents are getting a divorce right now, and in the past couple of years I have really seen how my dad is not a father I would want my own kids to have. I am so proud of my boyfriend for who he is and I am proud to be his wife *someday* for which I will gladly take my new identity/name when I marry him. I am not really traditional like my parents and grandparents who were raised in a strict Catholic environment and I also have thought about how i don''t want my dad to walk me down the aisle. My dad has already made me promise I am going to baptize and raise my children catholic! (I say yeah, yeah but when it comes down to it, they are not his children... I know, how defiant!) I feel like the generation and times we are now living in are definitely more open and forgiving for people to have their own lifestyles and ideas on life. I was thinking about having both my parents walk me down the aisle, as a symbol of my joining a new family? I guess though it''s not exactly like my family was a whole unit for quite some time now... sorry to touch on so many things!

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/6/2008 4:08:54 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/6/2008 1:51:10 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/6/2008 11:40:14 AM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I''m really excited to take FF''s last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can''t tell you how many times I''ve been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, ''No, your LAST name.'' Like I''m an idiot and don''t know my last name. So my line for that is: ''That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?''

So instead of EMK I''ll be EMKW. I''ll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it''s a common girl''s name anyway!

ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad''s occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I''ve been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn''t it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.

ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

You said your last name was Irish right?

And you''re in the same situation I''m in most of the time?

And my General Practitioner who treats my mom, my dad, my aunt and my uncle-all with the last name K____-calls me K_____ as my first name. And then proceeds to ask about my parents. WTH? My name is NOT K____ Marie K_____!!!!

LOL! That would be so funny if we were name twins! Although my middle name is Kaitlin, so at least that''s different!

I''m kind of wondering if we are...I will tell you one thing though, my last name is NOT on this K surname list: link
And it IS on this list: link
And if KCCutie broke the code, she would be wrong on my last name-BUT-only 2 letters off.

I feel like this is a riddle. Oy.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/5/2008 3:55:59 PM
Author: bensbride
We had pediatricians that rounded in the NICU and were married. They have since left, but people just used their full name, like Dr. Firstname Lastname, and we never had a problem. Maybe that''s too informal for your taste, though. We are pretty laid back with the Drs we see most every day.

Oh that doesn''t sound too bad, I guess I may feel a twinge of sadness that I won''t be connected to any of the publications I''m already on in any sense though. Maybe I would still keep it in the hospital/academically.

On the other hand, I don''t know yet how I feel about being called Dr. anything, so we''ll see what I end up doing with that.

Thanks for the story.

 

[gwendolyn]

I just wanted to mention something I found amusing--I was talking to J about this thread and how it was a bit of a hot topic, and he reminded me that he would be very happy to take my last name if I wanted, but that I didn't seem that keen on it (which I'm not). So then we talked about all the alternatives there are out there, and how some people hyphenate, and how some people take the other's last name as their new middle name but keep their own last names (I knew a couple that did this), and how some people combine their last names into one name. The last one made him laugh because we do this jokingly with ours--jokingly because it would be HORRIBLE for real--my last name is very long and Polish and it is plenty cumbersome on its own, let alone with smooshing J's last name in there too!

Anyway, he had a good chuckle with that idea, and then said, "Hey, if it's an issue with taking one name over another and the smooshing-the-two-together idea doesn't work, why doesn't the couple just choose a new last name for themselves? Maybe based on their interests or something...like, Mr. and Mrs. Diamond?" He's cute.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/6/2008 7:57:34 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/6/2008 4:08:54 PM

Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/6/2008 1:51:10 PM

Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/6/2008 11:40:14 AM

Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/5/2008 10:26:30 PM

Author: FrekeChild

I'm really excited to take FF's last name. My last name is a relatively common first name and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked for my last name, said it, and then have them say, 'No, your LAST name.' Like I'm an idiot and don't know my last name. So my line for that is: 'That IS my last name, would you like me to spell it for you?'


So instead of EMK I'll be EMKW. I'll make my maiden name my second middle name, being that it's a common girl's name anyway!


ETA: Also, when I introduce myself, because of my dad's occupation (divorce attorney), I can get either a really great reaction, or a really really bad reaction. Seriously. I've been screamed at in public before because my father was the opposing attorney. Yeah. Yikes.

Freke, the same thing happens to me! And my last name starts with a K...wouldn't it be odd if we were both Liz K___? I mean, I knew my name was pretty common, but that would be WEIRD.


ETA: My favorite is when I tell people my name and then they proceed to call me by my last name. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.

You said your last name was Irish right?

And you're in the same situation I'm in most of the time?

And my General Practitioner who treats my mom, my dad, my aunt and my uncle-all with the last name K____-calls me K_____ as my first name. And then proceeds to ask about my parents. WTH? My name is NOT K____ Marie K_____!!!!

LOL! That would be so funny if we were name twins! Although my middle name is Kaitlin, so at least that's different!

I'm kind of wondering if we are...I will tell you one thing though, my last name is NOT on this K surname list: link

And it IS on this list: link

And if KCCutie broke the code, she would be wrong on my last name-BUT-only 2 letters off.

I feel like this is a riddle. Oy.

LOL--we're safe, then. Close, though, and I think our names rhyme! We really should start a bakery now--K & K Kupcakes. LOL

 

[FrekeChild]

That would be one heck of a tongue twister. Ok, so maybe not a tongue twister, but a heck of a lot of alliteration.

Actually, if you were to try to say it 5 times fast it would be a bit of a tongue twister now that I think about it.

And now that I think I know what your last name is, we do still have seriously similar names. Only 2 letters...What''s your middle name LP? If you don''t mind sharing of course!

 

[ladypirate]

LOL--don''t worry, it''s not Marie.

It''s Kaitlin.