Do you plan on taking his name?

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/4/2008 10:45:56 AM
Author: rob09
Maybe I am ignorant about American laws - but what would prevent the husband from taking his wife''s last name ''for the sake of family unity'' ??? Sorry, but if both have a choice then the family unity argument for choosing HIS last name is bogus. If you hate your last name or want to follow traditions - that makes a lot more sense.

Nothing prevents it save tradition and the societal expectation that it''s the man who carries on the family name. I didn''t mention it in my previous post because I was only answering about what I am going to do, but my boyfriend J (who incidentally is English, not American) has said multiple times that he would love to take my name because it is "not boring" like his. He''s also considering dropping his current middle name (his dad''s name) to replace it with my grandmother''s maiden name, so we would have matching middle and surnames, one from each of our families. I quite like this idea, but J is a little worried that his father might get offended. Not too worried, though, so I hope he decides to do that. I think it would be lovely for us both to give up a name and gain a new one.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 6/4/2008 3:20:22 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/4/2008 10:45:56 AM

Author: rob09

Maybe I am ignorant about American laws - but what would prevent the husband from taking his wife''s last name ''for the sake of family unity'' ??? Sorry, but if both have a choice then the family unity argument for choosing HIS last name is bogus. If you hate your last name or want to follow traditions - that makes a lot more sense.

Nothing prevents it save tradition and the societal expectation that it''s the man who carries on the family name.

In quite a few states, a man has to go to court to change his name legally, whereas a woman only has to show the marriage certificate at the Social Security office and DMV (well, plus paperwork of course) to change hers. Legal name changes take awhile and usually cost a couple hundred dollars (or more), and must be approved by a judge. So the man isn''t "prevented" but it''s definitely a hassle. California was actually sued over this recently, and the law was changed to make procedures equivalent for either spouse to change their name after marriage. Very few states are that progressive, though

 

[sklingem]

Thanks Octavia - I did not know that. Then again (unfortunately) I am not really surprised!!
Sigh.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/4/2008 12:05:38 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 6/4/2008 11:05:06 AM

Author: Deelight

Pandora I am curious what the connotations of a hyphenated surname are?


I don''t think it is silly you don''t want your brother''s FI to take the family name. Your surname is in someways a reflection of who your family are if someone does something to sully that name all the people who share it get tarred by the same brush to a degree.

I had no problems at all in the UK when I attended a top private school, but when I then went on to a state grammar school, it was assumed that I had a lot of money and was some kind of aristocrat.


I do speak with what would be described as a ''cut-glass'' or posh accent, but I was very, very far from rich and although I come from an ''old family'' which did have a fair number of titles and public figures, I''m not an aristocrat by any stretch of the imagination - my parents are doctors.


My parents felt I shouldn''t have any more money than the minimum and my pocket money at school was $40 a term, so hardly riches. At university I got the same as the grant that people whose parents had no money got and anything extra I wanted I had to earn myself in the holidays.


I hated that people made assumptions about me before they had even met me and assumed that I was a complete snob. I spent years trying to cover my accent up, although I refused to change my surname.


When I moved to Italy, I found it much easier, and when I moved back to the UK I decided that my name, background and accent were what they were and I wasn''t going to try and cover them up anymore.


However, we live in a very poor area of London and probably won''t be able to afford private schools for our future children unless they get scholarships (a good private school in the UK can cost nearly $60k a year per child). I would hate them to be teased in the way I was so we''re opting out of the hyphens.


That said, hyphenated surnames are becoming more common now due to the number of unmarried parents and divorces etc



Thanks for making me feel better re my FSIL.

I thought that might be the case but I wasn''t 100% sure

I think there comes a time in your life you realise you are who you are and accept it that said posh English accents are cool I love hearing language that is spoken clearly and concisely.

 

[Izzy03]

Aw! Thanks Happygirl, you are going to be a great wifey too!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/4/2008 10:45:56 AM
Author: rob09
Maybe I am ignorant about American laws - but what would prevent the husband from taking his wife''s last name ''for the sake of family unity'' ??? Sorry, but if both have a choice then the family unity argument for choosing HIS last name is bogus. If you hate your last name or want to follow traditions - that makes a lot more sense.

I am with you 100%. I never got the family unity, but why does it have to be the woman who changes her name? I always felt that was what made it sexist since it is assumed it would be that way.

I am not changing my name, nor did my mother. No one thinks less of their marriage for her keeping their name and they are still happy after 24 years, so they must be doing something right. My favorite for people who want family names is hyphenated names where both parties have a hyphenated name; I had some proffesors in college who did that and it was really sweet.

I am not against women changing their names, but it does bother me when women who aren''t sure or have mixed feelings do it because it is a big, personal decision that their FI''s think they have a right to decide on but they have no expectation that the woman has any say in their last name.

I am not changing my name, nor is my FI. However, we talked about it for a long time, and the kids will either have my last name or a mixed last name of both of ours. He is not terribly attached to his very common last name, but I LOVE my special Irish name, so it was an easy decision.

 

[lisaC]

Last month I changed my last name to his on my passport. We''ve only been married 16 years! When he bought the airline tickets for me and the boys to go visit my family he didn''t use my own name and since security is a lot tighter I just gave in when it came time to renew. My driver''s license is in my married name. I don''t think my husband cared one way or the other if I did change my name...
Feels kinda weird as I have had my name 40 years now...

 

[princesss]

I''ll probably change my name. I know my first name sounds good with his last name (his sister and I have the same name). While it upsets me that I''m the one expected to change (occasionally I go on a rant to BF about how he doesn''t get how much it sucks to have a society''s norms and laws written on your body, and, to be fair, he does think about it. Like when I announced last night that we were going to be having some very serious discussions about housework and childcare eventually), I also get a little thrill at thinking of myself as "Mrs. Hislastname". And by little, I mean huge.

Plus, I really like the idea of not having to spell my name out to everybody. And correct their mispronunciations that turn my last name into dirty slang for a body part. I won''t miss that.

 

[musey]

For what it's worth, I'm changing my name. Not anything to do with tradition, but because my maiden name is EXTREMELY common and boring (to the point where my dad, whose first name is also very common, is always put on the "suspicious" list and strip-searched at airports... um, yeah, every time he flies) and I can't WAIT to be rid of it... while FI's name is very, very uncommon and quite beautiful/exotic sounding. I've yet to find a database in the world that will show that there's someone out there who has what my married name will be (though out of the billions in the world, I'm sure there's someone!

but still). How's that for unique and individual?

I'm also quite young (will be just shy of 24 on our wedding day) and don't have any real "accomplishments" besides my bachelor's degree tied to my name. There will be very few people in my professional world who will be confused by my switch.


If the above weren't true, I'm sure I'd struggle with it a bit, but really, I am BIG on change, so I'd probably end up embracing the opportunity anyway

P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn't go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL's adoptive mother to see her late husband's name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

 

[choro72]

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM
Author: musey
P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn''t go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL''s adoptive mother to see her late husband''s name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

My ex and I were looking into that!

Glad I''m not the only one who thought about it.

 

[taovandel]

I''m excited to take his last name. A part of me thinks it is because I have a terrible relationship with my father and I just want to get rid of the name. But like previous posters have said, I think it''s more about creating a family with him, having the same last name as him and our children. It''s important.

 

[CaféHummingbird]

I''m a traditionalist, so yes.

 

[Ms.Dreamy]

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM
Author: musey
P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn''t go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL''s adoptive mother to see her late husband''s name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

Is this legally possible? This idea came into my mind a few weeks ago - but I thought that isn''t possible anyway, it would be just wonderful if it was!
It depends on the country anyway (i think in my country it''s really impossible), but how is it where you live?

 

[CNOS128]

This is actually something I''ve been thinking about a lot. In the end I will probably take his name - but something is holding me back a little bit. Not sure quite what. It''s not that I have some great attachment to my last name or that I would feel like I''m severing ties to my own family.
I''d really like to hyphenate our names, but it would be kinda clunky and awkward sounding. And my fiance doesn''t want to hyphenate his name, so it would just be me.

But until I''m totally comfortable taking a new name, I won''t.

 

[Independent Gal]

It never even once crossed my mind to change my name. It never crossed his mind that I should. I have a life, a family history, an identity, and a public presence under my name. So does my husband under his (although, in his country, my husband''s name is like ''Smith'').

The only one of my friends who changed her name was like Gwen... she had a loooooong unpronounceable name and her hubby has a short common one. In her profession, she has to introduce herself to new people all the time. So short and pronounceable makes a difference. She moved her last name to the middle and took his.

Not a single other one of my friends even entertained the idea. But then we''re older (around 30) professional women, with an established presence. So I think that makes a difference from being 23 and having family be your strongest ambition at the moment.

I agree with the poster who said that it is a bull$hit reason to change your name to his for family unity when he could change his to yours. Going to court and spending a couple of hundred dollars is really not such a big deal (and TOTALLY sexist... it''s amazing that there are still laws like that! well, less amazing when you think that it was only about 20 years ago in many US states that ''marital rape'' became a crime.) If you want unity, you should decide whose name you''ll both take based on other factors. However, I understand that there are plenty of other reasons - tradition, not having a strong sense of identity bound up with your name, convenience, the desire to escape connotations or stereotypes...

Pandora: DH and I know a really posh guy among our UK friends who''s a bit of a ladies man and we call him "Groper-Chaser". I lived there for a few years and I know just what you mean about the reverse snobbery that goes on sometimes.

 

[bensbride]

I am absolutely changing my last name. Both my FI and I have five letter German last names. Neither is hard to pronounce. So, I don''t have some of the obstacles that some do. I do have sympathy for those that are taking names they don''t exactly love, or have lived with names that are "undesirable" for their entire single lives. I love my family and my parents, but I''m adopted and to me the love is more important than blood or titles. Also, I have two younger brothers, one of which already has a son, so the name is already living on. I also work in labor and delivery and see hyphenated baby names all the time. It works out fine. I have nothing against the idea behind hyphenation, but I think about the little girls that are born...will they also hyphenate? At some point will there be triple or quadruple hyphenations? To me a last name is just for identification...not for personal value. However, I know a lot of people view it differently, and that''s okay too! In my opinion, which isn''t worth a hill of beans, it seems that some of the people that are against labels the most are the ones that cling so tightly to their own. I don''t want to seem offensive, its just an observation I''ve made.

 

[musey]

Date: 6/5/2008 6:06:47 AM
Author: Ms.Dreamy

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM
Author: musey

P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn't go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL's adoptive mother to see her late husband's name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

Is this legally possible? This idea came into my mind a few weeks ago - but I thought that isn't possible anyway, it would be just wonderful if it was!

It depends on the country anyway (i think in my country it's really impossible), but how is it where you live?

Certainly it is legally possible in the US, as a growing number of people actually are doing this (people are also combining names: Smith+Johnson=Johnith), but I'm sure that the legal processes and fees differ between each state.

People here can change their name to almost whatever they want, for no reason at all, if I'm not mistaken.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 6/5/2008 12:25:54 PM
Author: musey

Date: 6/5/2008 6:06:47 AM
Author: Ms.Dreamy

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM
Author: musey

P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn''t go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL''s adoptive mother to see her late husband''s name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

Is this legally possible? This idea came into my mind a few weeks ago - but I thought that isn''t possible anyway, it would be just wonderful if it was!

It depends on the country anyway (i think in my country it''s really impossible), but how is it where you live?

Certainly it is legally possible in the US, as a growing number of people actually are doing this (people are also combining names: Smith+Johnson=Johnith), but I''m sure that the legal processes and fees differ between each state.

People here can change their name to almost whatever they want, for no reason at all, if I''m not mistaken.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock anyone? Crap Bag? LOL I miss that show...

 

[galeteia]

Date: 6/5/2008 11:08:49 AM
Author: Independent Gal
I agree with the poster who said that it is a bull$hit reason to change your name to his for family unity when he could change his to yours. Going to court and spending a couple of hundred dollars is really not such a big deal (and TOTALLY sexist... it''s amazing that there are still laws like that! well, less amazing when you think that it was only about 20 years ago in many US states that ''marital rape'' became a crime.) If you want unity, you should decide whose name you''ll both take based on other factors. However, I understand that there are plenty of other reasons - tradition, not having a strong sense of identity bound up with your name, convenience, the desire to escape connotations or stereotypes...

Amen.

My last name is my mother''s name. It is also my father''s name, but after their divorce she kept his name because she was planning on becoming a professional and her name flowed better with her married name, and she disliked her maiden name, which was akin to ''Smith''.

I will not be taking his name. I don''t agree with it being the norm for her to take his name and not vice versa, and while I''m not going to jump down the throats of people who call me Mrs. HisName or correct them, I am not his property and will not be identified as wearing his ''brand'' simply because it''s ''tradition'' and it offends me that some people out there think it''s inappropriate not to take his name. Like it or not, women used to become men''s property after marriage and I dislike any traditions that hearken back to that time.

Recently I met some of his friends, who were very nice, friendly people. I liked them. However, they also referred to me as ''the wife'', and I made a ''joking'' comment about being ''chattel'' and that brought them up short.

I totally agree the ''family unity'' card is a bogus argument for taking his name if it does not equally support him taking her name. Why shouldn''t the man have an equally identity-changing transformation as a sign of him becoming a unit with his wife? Why is Mrs. still used but there is no married equivalent to Mr.? Why should society view being a husband less weighty or involved than being a wife?

 

[bensbride]

Date: 6/5/2008 12:33:24 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 6/5/2008 12:25:54 PM
Author: musey

Date: 6/5/2008 6:06:47 AM
Author: Ms.Dreamy

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM
Author: musey

P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn''t go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL''s adoptive mother to see her late husband''s name die out with us.

Woulda been a fun option, though!!

Is this legally possible? This idea came into my mind a few weeks ago - but I thought that isn''t possible anyway, it would be just wonderful if it was!

It depends on the country anyway (i think in my country it''s really impossible), but how is it where you live?

Certainly it is legally possible in the US, as a growing number of people actually are doing this (people are also combining names: Smith+Johnson=Johnith), but I''m sure that the legal processes and fees differ between each state.

People here can change their name to almost whatever they want, for no reason at all, if I''m not mistaken.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock anyone? Crap Bag? LOL I miss that show...

I <3 Friends! That''s one of my favorites!

 

[musey]

I guess I just don't understand arguments one way or the other. There's no "right" answer, and I don't think that changing/not changing your name makes you any more/less an individual/feminist/etc. It's just a matter of personal preference, and that's going to be different for every person based on your priorities, values, place in life, profession, name history, etc. etc. etc.

For me, I sort of take the "what's in a name?" Approach. I may feel differently if the following weren't true:

A) I share the my surname with five million other people in the world
--a2) FI's surname is held by less than 100 people worldwide
--a3) I like feeling unique (FI's name wins that battle by a lonsglide)--I get annoyed when I meet/hear of other people who share my first name

B) I'm relatively young and as yet relatively unestablished, professionally, with my maiden name
C) I work in a business where people change their name at whim, and people barely notice
D) I have some annoying people who know me by my maiden name, whom I'd be happy to 'lose track of' by changing my name

So for me, getting married serves as an excuse to drop my boring, common name and trade up for something much more exotic/unique. Has very little to do, for me, with 'family unity' (though that's a fun little bonus of my decision) and nothing to do with satisfying any desire on my FI's part to uphold 'tradition.'

Anyway, I think it's pretty dumb to nay-say in either direction. It just makes no difference what choice other people make!

That means you anti-changing-your-name ladies, too, as you're starting to sound preachy

 

[Independent Gal]

I totally agree that there are arguments both ways and people should do what''s right for them. The only thing I completely don''t agree with is the claim that the WOMAN has to change her name for the purposes of ''unity''. Either person could change their name for that purpose.

Any other argument someone wants to make is fine.

By the way, I thought I would be PISSED if someone referred to me as "Mrs. DH" but someone did it on some flowers they sent and I kind of thought it was cute. If it was constant, I''d hate it, but that once it was like "AWwwww! I''m Mrs. DH!"

On the other hand, I love being called "Mrs. IndyGal". I call my grammy and say "Hi! Is this Mrs. Gal?" and she says "Why yes" and I say "So is THIS!" And then we both giggle. OK, so it''s lame. But we like it.

Guess we''re just a couple of silly old Mrs. gals!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/5/2008 12:43:22 PM
Author: musey
I guess I just don''t understand arguments one way or the other. There''s no ''right'' answer, and I don''t think that changing/not changing your name makes you any more/less an individual/feminist/etc. It''s just a matter of personal preference, and that''s going to be different for every person based on your priorities, values, place in life, profession, name history, etc. etc. etc.


For me, I sort of take the ''what''s in a name?'' Approach. I may feel differently if the following weren''t true:


A) I share the my surname with five million other people in the world

--a2) FI''s surname is held by less than 100 people worldwide

--a3) I like feeling unique (FI''s name wins that battle by a lonsglide)--I get annoyed when I meet/hear of other people who share my first name

B) I''m relatively young and as yet relatively unestablished, professionally, with my maiden name

C) I work in a business where people change their name at whim, and people barely notice

D) I have some annoying people who know me by my maiden name, whom I''d be happy to ''lose track of'' by changing my name

So for me, getting married serves as an excuse to drop my boring, common name and trade up for something much more exotic/unique. Has very little to do, for me, with ''family unity'' (though that''s a fun little bonus of my decision) and nothing to do with satisfying any desire on my FI''s part to uphold ''tradition.''


Anyway, I think it''s pretty dumb to nay-say in either direction. It just makes no difference what choice other people make!

That means you anti-changing-your-name ladies, too, as you''re starting to sound preachy

Hahahaha, I hadn''t thought of that reason, but it''s great! I love it!

Also, I

the rest of your post--very well said (as usual

).

 

[musey]

Date: 6/5/2008 1:06:01 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/5/2008 12:43:22 PM
Author: musey
D) I have some annoying people who know me by my maiden name, whom I'd be happy to 'lose track of' by changing my name

Hahahaha, I hadn't thought of that reason, but it's great! I love it!

Also, I

the rest of your post--very well said (as usual

).

Thanks Gwen!

RE: the annoying people... gosh, I wish it weren't so true! Facebook recently added a feature where you can connect your current name with "former names." Guess who won't be using that feature?

 

[Ms.Dreamy]

Date: 6/5/2008 12:25:54 PM
Author: musey

Date: 6/5/2008 6:06:47 AM

Author: Ms.Dreamy

Date: 6/4/2008 9:39:17 PM

Author: musey


P.S. I did try to convince FI, for awhile, that it would be fun to both choose a new name together. He didn''t go for that. After I thought about it for awhile, I decided it would be a bit unkind to his family... his father is adopted and the only boy, and FI is an only child, and I think it would really hurt FFIL''s adoptive mother to see her late husband''s name die out with us.


Woulda been a fun option, though!!

Is this legally possible? This idea came into my mind a few weeks ago - but I thought that isn''t possible anyway, it would be just wonderful if it was!


It depends on the country anyway (i think in my country it''s really impossible), but how is it where you live?

Certainly it is legally possible in the US, as a growing number of people actually are doing this (people are also combining names: Smith+Johnson=Johnith), but I''m sure that the legal processes and fees differ between each state.


People here can change their name to almost whatever they want, for no reason at all, if I''m not mistaken.

Wow, thats cool! I wish it was possible where I live. But it definitely isn''t! My research on the name-changing topic in my country brought me to the result that it is NOT possible

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

I always thought I''d never change my name, since it was my name, but despite it''s being short, people don''t pronounce it well nor spell it well. It gets a little annoying.

SO''s last name is short and sweet, and easy to spell and pronounce. I think the only true qualm I have about changing it is that SO and I will both be called the same thing all the time, because everyone in our field is Dr.. So essentially, he''s Dr. xxxx and I''m Dr. xxxx. Hahha, someone won''t even know which gender we are or what type of doctor they''re getting.

His mother did a thing where outside the hospital she was Mrs. xxxx and inside the hospital she was Dr. maiden name. If I can figure out how she finagled that one, (I still don''t know who her paychecks were written out to, and how the social security thing was). I think I''ll do that. It seems nice and in between.

 

[bensbride]

We had pediatricians that rounded in the NICU and were married. They have since left, but people just used their full name, like Dr. Firstname Lastname, and we never had a problem. Maybe that''s too informal for your taste, though. We are pretty laid back with the Drs we see most every day.

 

[stacy]

This is a neat post!

I am definitely keeping my last name, for so many reasons.

It''s funny -- when my fiance and I were first talking about getting married, I said, "You know I am going to keep my last name." And he basically said there had never been a question in his mind about that and that''s one of the things he loves about me.

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 6/5/2008 1:20:53 PM
Author: musey

Date: 6/5/2008 1:06:01 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/5/2008 12:43:22 PM

Author: musey

D) I have some annoying people who know me by my maiden name, whom I'd be happy to 'lose track of' by changing my name

Hahahaha, I hadn't thought of that reason, but it's great! I love it!


Also, I

the rest of your post--very well said (as usual

).

Thanks Gwen!

RE: the annoying people... gosh, I wish it weren't so true! Facebook recently added a feature where you can connect your current name with 'former names.' Guess who won't be using that feature?

Oh that is so funny. I actually thought of that too! LOL.

On the unique issue, right now I am 99.9% positive that I am the only person (man or woman since my name is kinda unisex) that has my name...yep it's that unique. It's also that impossible to pronounce and spell(which is great when screening phone calls .

).

For a while I thought I wanted to keep it for that reason. But my SO's name isn't all that common and he's the last in his family to be able to carry on the name (not that it'll disappear but his line will end) So I'm happy to take his name and try to help them out.

ETA: So I just googled what my married name will be and there are a few of those already. One is a hot blonde model...I'm okay with that. One is a guy probably still in HS or college b/c it was about his basketball stats(yes I'm sure it's a guy it referred to him as a him). One is apparently and Executive director of a local KC museum...hmmm that's odd.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 6/5/2008 12:43:22 PM
Author: musey
I guess I just don''t understand arguments one way or the other. There''s no ''right'' answer, and I don''t think that changing/not changing your name makes you any more/less an individual/feminist/etc. It''s just a matter of personal preference, and that''s going to be different for every person based on your priorities, values, place in life, profession, name history, etc. etc. etc.


For me, I sort of take the ''what''s in a name?'' Approach. I may feel differently if the following weren''t true:


A) I share the my surname with five million other people in the world

--a2) FI''s surname is held by less than 100 people worldwide

--a3) I like feeling unique (FI''s name wins that battle by a lonsglide)--I get annoyed when I meet/hear of other people who share my first name

B) I''m relatively young and as yet relatively unestablished, professionally, with my maiden name

C) I work in a business where people change their name at whim, and people barely notice

D) I have some annoying people who know me by my maiden name, whom I''d be happy to ''lose track of'' by changing my name

So for me, getting married serves as an excuse to drop my boring, common name and trade up for something much more exotic/unique. Has very little to do, for me, with ''family unity'' (though that''s a fun little bonus of my decision) and nothing to do with satisfying any desire on my FI''s part to uphold ''tradition.''


Anyway, I think it''s pretty dumb to nay-say in either direction. It just makes no difference what choice other people make!

That means you anti-changing-your-name ladies, too, as you''re starting to sound preachy

Musey, I don''t often disagree with you, but I really don''t think any of us are "preaching." We''re just stating our views on a highly contentious issue, and just because some of us have strong views that don''t necessarily match up with yours, doesn''t mean that anyone here is wrong for feeling as they do, or is telling anyone else to convert they way they feel. Changers and non-changers alike. I think that your reasons for changing your name are good ones -- because it''s something you want to do. Same for the other women on here who truly want to change their names. There''s nothing wrong with that. In my opinion, though, there is something wrong with a woman being guilted or coerced into changing her name when she doesn''t want to (whether it''s by FI/husband, family members, or others). That''s why, in my first post here, I specifically said that we should all be free and able to make the best choice for ourselves.

As far as "uniqueness" goes, I''ve only ever been able to find one other person with the same name as me, spelled the same way. She''s in Canada, though, and I''m in the US, so I think it''s fairly likely that (for now) I''m the only person in this country with my name. So maybe I''d feel different if my name were a dime-a-dozen, but I''ll never know. My FI''s last name is also pretty unusual in his country and unheard of anywhere else, so if I were ever to take his name, chances are good I''d be the only person in the world with that combination. Unfortunately, there''s a good reason for that because it sounds like it was randomly generated by a computer with a programming glitch.