Does the biological clock exist?

[littlelysser]

Deco - I clicked on the link in your signature...we may be related... both of our dogs both have pages on dogster too...

Here are the links ... http://www.dogster.com/?160707 and http://www.dogster.com/?168802

Anyway, I definitely agree with the whole want to want to have them. And I know that we''d provide a good home and tons of love and support...but I just don''t think it is for me. We''ve often said that should we have a catastrophic failure of multiple layers of protection, we would love the child...but yeah...mulitple layer of protection...

And really, it is a commitment that never ends...I know of parents that are still financially and emotionally supporting their 25+ year old children...That? Scary stuff!

Last thought...I love babies...and my friends are always surprised by how "good" I am with them given my anti-kid policy...but when they can walk and talk and run around and say "no." Gah. I just don''t think I have the patience...

 

[IrishEyes]

Happy Birthday!!!!

Well, here''s my 2cents: I''m also 26 and absolutely do not want children right now. I don''t know if that will change, it''s possible I suppose, but for now, I am blissfully happy without kids! I look at all these girls having babies at 18, 21, 22, etc and I think they are crazy! Not that children aren''t awesome, but I like OTHER people''s kids. Because when they start screaming or pooping, etc, I CAN LEAVE!

I was pregnant once, and I had a miscarriage. I was 20. It was a very painful experience, both physically and emotionally. But I know in my heart that it was mother nature''s way of saying it wasn''t for me then. It may sound mean, but I''m glad that pregnancy didn''t go full-term. I have had a very full and exciting life so far in my 26 short years, and I have gotten to do things and go places I wouldn''t have been if I had children. It''s weird for me because my doctors have told me I have a very very slim chance of being able to have children since the first pregnancy. It''s a long story, but my "equipment" is faulty

So that means DH and I have to adopt if we want kids in the future. He''s more into the idea than I am at this point! He has names picked out and all that, and I just kind of shudder and change the subject when it comes up! I''m just not done with ME yet! Like someone else said, I am far too selfish to have kids just yet. And I''m proud that I can admit that - many women feel that way but are afraid to vocalize that feeling because society gives us a nasty attitude if we aren''t jumping for joy over the thought of having children.

There is a book called "Misconceptions" that you must read. I can''t remember the author right now, and I''m in the process of moving so I can''t dig it out just yet to get you the name. But it''s only a few years old, and it''s a great read. It''s the story of a woman who is a very accomplished and successful writer who gets pregnant in her 30''s. She rights her honest opinions on the whole process - the things that so many women feel, but don''t feel they can talk about. It''s wonderful and insightful book, I highly recommend it!

Don''t be worried about it. Things in life happen for a reason. And like Mara said, you''re only 26! We still have time to decide that whole "kid" thing!

 

[Mara]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:47:53 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 3/3/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Mara

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say ''oh how cute'' this baby is or that Greg says ''uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching''...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he''s said that since we met! i was like ''mine don''t do that sorry''...but maybe now they are starting.

I have the opposite saying! Whenever I''m in a situation where kids are running amok, I always say that my ovaries just tied themselves. Or (and this is gross) my husband will say his boys just shrivelled up.

hahaha yeah along the same lines the other thing I say when little terrors are running around at a restaurant or similar is that ''this is the best birth control ever''...

 

[AmberWaves]

Happy Birthday!!! I''m turning 27 this year, and BF has just turned 27. We''re planning on children before we''re 30. And because we get married right after I turn 28 (my god, I just realized that, hm). We have a year to enjoy married life, and then we''ll start trying. I''ve always wanted to be a mother, since I was a young child. I was 12 when I started baby-sitting, and spent summers nannying, instead of going to the mall or the beach. I''m still great friends with the children I baby-sat, and one of them is now 15 and I work for her mother and father! We have family who are expecting, and just seeing her at the table with that baby belly just makes me so ecstatic for our future. I get complimented by BF''s sister and sister in laws about what a great mother I''m going to be. I think of it as finally getting to play house for real. Everything I practiced for babysitting will now come into play.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Happy birthday Ally!!!

IMO....if you gonna have kids, have them early,before 30

it''s no fun changing dipers when you''re in your 40''s.yeah....i know,i know,fun,freedom, do what ever you want and go anywhere anytime you want. i''am 47 yrs old,my oldest daughter is 19.5 my youngest will be turning 18 in 2 weeks.now... i wish they were a few yrs older so they will become independent sooner.independent for them = FREEDOM!!! for me and my wife, while we''re still young.no more 15 pairs of jeans or 15 pair of sneakers to buy,no more high insurance premiun,no more college tuition to pay and the list goes on and on....

 

[firebirdgold]

Happy Birthday!

No clock here and at 33 1/2 I''m staring down the barrel of the 35 yr cutoff for egg harvesting. (And the very uncomfortable feeling that I''ll barely be married by then.) So I''ve been asking my self the same question about the legendary ticking noises. I''m not very career foucsed so no excuse there.
I just don''t know how to relate to little children, or really children of any age. But I''m willing to contemplate the idea of children if it''s something my bf really wants.

However I''m not convinced bf truly wants children. He reacts even more negatively towards children in public than I do, refuses to have dinner with our friend if she brings her 5 yr old, and hates things that make annoying noises when he''s trying to work. He says he wants children someday, but that could just be because he always assumed that was how life went. I don''t know. Obviously more discussion is required.

I''m willing to contemplate it. My mother says that she was uncomfortable with children and didn''t really care for the idea... until she actually had them. So maybe it''ll be the same for me. Instinct is a powerful thing.

I''m curious to see what happens with my 38 yr old sister. She always claimed that she never wanted children and never wanted to be married since what was the point without kids. She''s getting married this summer.

She''s fabulous with children of all ages, so we''ll see if this resolution holds up.

sidenote on the egg harvesting thing: I need to take meds that could cause brain defects. Therefore having someone else do the pregnant part seems like a good idea to me.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:48:36 PM
Author: littlelysser
Deco - I clicked on the link in your signature...we may be related... both of our dogs both have pages on dogster too...
Here are the links ... http://www.dogster.com/?160707 and http://www.dogster.com/?168802

Yr a BAD influence Lysser! I just upgraded to the fancy-schmancy Dogster like you have for your ADORABLE pups!

** and now back to your regularly scheduled tot-talk

***

 

[SoonIHope]

I''m only 24, but I already have my biological clock ticking like crazy.

I''ve always wanted kids and loved babysitting them etc, but when I was maybe 22 that drive really kicked in. Logically, I know it doesn''t make sense for us to have kids yet, so we''re planning on waiting till we''re maybe 29 or 30 because I do want to be able to make the most of travelling etc before we have them, but I VERY MUCH feel "ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!" whenever I look at/play with a baby (or kitten or puppy or baby panda or...). I''m a bit conflicted because I don''t really want to be "just" a mother, but I''m feeling less enthused about going to grad school and not particularly interested in a career or any of those things and my brain just keeps yelling "BABIES BABIES BABIES" at me, so we''ll see what happens! Right now though, I find it hard to convince myself that much of anything else is really all that worthwhile in the whole scheme of things. Which sucks, because I really DOOO want to come up with SOMETHING to do with my life.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2006 3:40:23 PM
Author: albicocca
I VERY MUCH feel ''ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!'' whenever I look at/play with a baby (or kitten or puppy or baby panda or...).

I think you hit on something Albie!!! YES. There IS a biological clock. Because I know when I turned 33 something powerful & overwhelming took over my body and made me adopt two kittens despite completely being a dog person. Then, at 35 (once I had my own house) I finally got my dream pup! Also ...A friend of mine (childfree & 36) literally turned her life upside down, moved apartments, jobs etc in order to facilitate the adoption of a chihuahua. One day her body just said. MUST. GET. PUPPY. NOW! Illogical. Sudden. Unstoppable.

Some folks (like me), who are ambivalent about kids, probably channel that very real biological urge into pets!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/3/2006 3:40:23 PM
Author: albicocca
''ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!''

This is how I feel when I am around puppies and large dogs.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 3/3/2006 3:51:05 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 3/3/2006 3:40:23 PM
Author: albicocca
I VERY MUCH feel ''ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!'' whenever I look at/play with a baby (or kitten or puppy or baby panda or...).

I think you hit on something Albie!!! YES. There IS a biological clock. Because I know when I turned 33 something powerful & overwhelming took over my body and made me adopt two kittens despite completely being a dog person. Then, at 35 (once I had my own house) I finally got my dream pup! Also ...A friend of mine (childfree & 36) literally turned her life upside down, moved apartments, jobs etc in order to facilitate the adoption of a chihuahua. One day her body just said. MUST. GET. PUPPY. NOW! Illogical. Sudden. Unstoppable.

Some folks (like me), who are ambivalent about kids, probably channel that very real biological urge into pets!

Date: 3/3/2006 3:57:23 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/3/2006 3:40:23 PM
Author: albicocca
''ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!''

This is how I feel when I am around puppies and large dogs.

...and this is why I now have a kitten too!

 

[littlelysser]

Albi & Deco -

I definitely think that some folks (pointing finger at self) channel the nurturing feelings towards our animals. And dogs allow those of us that are lazy and selfish (again, pointing finger at self) to buy a fabu new bag instead of saving for college or put the dogs in their crates when they go out...without worrying that someone is going to call child protective services...

Lyss.

Ps. Deco - love the new page. Sent you a rosette!

 

[lmurden]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:58:15 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 3/3/2006 1:47:53 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 3/3/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Mara

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say 'oh how cute' this baby is or that Greg says 'uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching'...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he's said that since we met! i was like 'mine don't do that sorry'...but maybe now they are starting.

I have the opposite saying! Whenever I'm in a situation where kids are running amok, I always say that my ovaries just tied themselves. Or (and this is gross) my husband will say his boys just shrivelled up.

hahaha yeah along the same lines the other thing I say when little terrors are running around at a restaurant or similar is that 'this is the best birth control ever'...

The best birth control out there is "Nanny 911"!

 

[cinnabar]

Date: 3/3/2006 3:57:23 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/3/2006 3:40:23 PM

Author: albicocca

''ohmygod I need one NOWWWWWW!!!!''

This is how I feel when I am around puppies and large dogs.

I gave my husband a "Happy Year of the Dog" card for Chinese New Year. Men aren''t good at getting subtle hints, so I wrote inside it, "Can I have a dog?"

My husband doesn''t have a dog-clock

He said we can''t have one because the cat wouldn''t like it. That would be such a lousy excuse if we had an only child, "No, you can''t have another, the one we already have wouldn''t like it."

He''s right though. The spoiled only pet would have a dicky fit if he had to share.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/3/2006 4:41:34 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 3/3/2006 1:58:15 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 3/3/2006 1:47:53 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 3/3/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Mara

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say ''oh how cute'' this baby is or that Greg says ''uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching''...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he''s said that since we met! i was like ''mine don''t do that sorry''...but maybe now they are starting.

I have the opposite saying! Whenever I''m in a situation where kids are running amok, I always say that my ovaries just tied themselves. Or (and this is gross) my husband will say his boys just shrivelled up.

hahaha yeah along the same lines the other thing I say when little terrors are running around at a restaurant or similar is that ''this is the best birth control ever''...

The birth control out there is ''Nanny 911''!

Good one!!! I watch that show and am amazed at how clueless the parents are. Ughhh.

 

[elepri]

Some people are born with their clock ticking! I work with 4-5 year-old kids and most of their parents are about 10 years younger than me. I recently met a woman who had her first kid at 12, which i find really disturbing. But personally I don''t know anyone who wanted kids in their early 20s. I had no desire to have kids in my 20s, I wasn''t even comfortable around babies. It really wasn''t until I got married last year and turned 30 and some of my friends have started having kids that I''ve started thinking that having a baby would be kind of cool. We''ll probably have a kid in a couple of years or so because i really don''t want to take chances with an increasing risk of birth defects and infertility but if I could safely put it off for another 5 years or so, I''d happily do it and focus on travelling instead. Honestly, I think the whole biological clock idea is much more social than biological. Had everyone around me been having kids at 21, I probably would''ve started thinking about it sooner.

 

[E B]

I've always wanted children, though my clock started ticking pretty recently. I think it was brought on by the engagement, as I'd never have children until I was married. My fiance wants them just as bad as I do, but we're waiting until we're in the position to do it responsibly. We'll probably start trying in 2 years, and if successful early-on, that'd make me a mommy at 25 or 26. That sounds good to me.

 

[E B]

Date: 3/3/2006 5:01:30 PM
Author: elepri
Some people are born with their clock ticking! I work with 4-5 year-old kids and most of their parents are about 10 years younger than me. I recently met a woman who had her first kid at 12, which i find really disturbing.

No way! That''s insane!

 

[elepri]

Date: 3/3/2006 5:08:46 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 3/3/2006 5:01:30 PM
Author: elepri
Some people are born with their clock ticking! I work with 4-5 year-old kids and most of their parents are about 10 years younger than me. I recently met a woman who had her first kid at 12, which i find really disturbing.

No way! That''s insane!

It is insane! I work with kids with developmental delays, most of them come from poor/minority families and having kids when you''re in high school seems to be pretty much the norm.

 

[Shay37]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:47:53 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire

Date: 3/3/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Mara

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say ''oh how cute'' this baby is or that Greg says ''uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching''...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he''s said that since we met! i was like ''mine don''t do that sorry''...but maybe now they are starting.

I have the opposite saying! Whenever I''m in a situation where kids are running amok, I always say that my ovaries just tied themselves. Or (and this is gross) my husband will say his boys just shrivelled up.

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Not gross, but really funny.

Happy B-day Ally.

I have two kids. Didn''t even get married until I was 32. Gor pregnant with the first one at 33. Got pregnant with the second one at 34. They are 22 months apart. Boys. They are fun. I love them very very much. I am so glad we had them. I was unwilling to go to extreme measures to get pregnant. I felt like if it happened great, if not okay. There are days, however, when they are driving me crazy that I think I could have had big honking diamonds and vacations.

Bottom line: Even if you really want them, you may not be prepared for how your life will change with them. Wanting to want them is not a reason to have them. I know a few people who don''t. I think it''s better to know this BEFORE you have them. Ally, you''re very normal. Maybe you will change how you feel and maybe you won''t. That''s is perfectly fine. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone has to.

shay

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:17:29 PM
Author: pearcrazy

Is there a biological clock? Sure there is. A woman is at her most fertile in her early 20''s and by age 27 her fertility starts to gradually decline. Your friends will have their best chance of obtaining a pregnancy and giving birth to a healthy baby right now.

Now whether your psychological clock and biological clock are in tune with each other is an entirely different matter. Having a baby will, as the cliche goes, change your life forever. If you aren''t ready, you aren''t ready.


By the way there is a biological clock for men too and it ticks a lot quicker than doctors previously thought.
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/preconception/malefertility.htm

yep....by the time a couple decides to have kids,he might be out of bullets.

 

[MelissaSue]

Hmm. I guess I don''t think of it as a "biological clock".. as I''m only 24.. and have wanted kids since I was about 17 (before that never really had much interest).. but after my sister had her first baby.. and I saw how WONDERFUL they really are.. having a family has really been a MAJOR priority in my life. As someone else mentioned.. it does come in swells.. Mine get really strong for a week or two at a time.. Babies and baby clothes always get me.. but the weird thing that happened lately.. is I started looking at maternity clothes!!!!
I want to start trying to get pregnant about a year after we get married. FI keeps saying he wants to wait a little longer.. but I don''t think I''ll make it!! when people ask "the question" he always jumps in and says "Not for 3 or 4 years.." and it really makes me want to CRY!!! He DOES want kids. He loves kids as much as I do and is probably actually better with them... but sometimes his priorities are a little screwy and he wants time and money to play with his cars before we have kids.. because he knows once we have kids, his car funds will be extremely cut.. lol. But..a couple weeks ago I told him that I REALLY don''t want to wait that long.. and it seems as though he is willing to compromise a litt.e..

 

[lmurden]

Date: 3/3/2006 7:03:42 PM
Author: MelissaSue
Hmm. I guess I don''t think of it as a ''biological clock''.. as I''m only 24.. and have wanted kids since I was about 17 (before that never really had much interest).. but after my sister had her first baby.. and I saw how WONDERFUL they really are.. having a family has really been a MAJOR priority in my life. As someone else mentioned.. it does come in swells.. Mine get really strong for a week or two at a time.. Babies and baby clothes always get me.. but the weird thing that happened lately.. is I started looking at maternity clothes!!!!
I want to start trying to get pregnant about a year after we get married. FI keeps saying he wants to wait a little longer.. but I don''t think I''ll make it!! when people ask ''the question'' he always jumps in and says ''Not for 3 or 4 years..'' and it really makes me want to CRY!!! He DOES want kids. He loves kids as much as I do and is probably actually better with them... but sometimes his priorities are a little screwy and he wants time and money to play with his cars before we have kids.. because he knows once we have kids, his car funds will be extremely cut.. lol. But..a couple weeks ago I told him that I REALLY don''t want to wait that long.. and it seems as though he is willing to compromise a litt.e..

MelissaSue, compromise and wait a 18 months.