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Early pregnancy loss

LV - I am so sorry for what you are going through. It''s just so sad. Please don''t feel any guilt about how you are dealing with this and get all the help/support you need. I know for me in the early stages my emotions changed day to day - one day I would be fine and the next I would be really sad, and that''s okay. I wish you and DH all the best.


My mum was here on the weekend and in the end I decided not to tell her. The time just never seemed right and the more time that went by, the more inappropriate it seemed to just bring it up. Of course, it meant she was merrily talking away about my cousins'' and other people''s babies, baby names etc but funnily enough I didn''t find it upsetting at all, just hopeful that it will be my turn at some point!
 
LV~ I''m so sorry for your loss. I hope you''re able to see a glimmer of hope in that you were able to become pregnant with IUI. Many of us here know how hard the wait for the BFP is and then how the loss is. There''s a broad spectrum for "normal" emotionally right now. There is no right or wrong in this grieving process. Take care of yourself.
 
LV - that *&!#$*% sucks! I was taking some solace in believing that I was one out of six to miscarry, and that the other five could be women like you who are so dedicated to becoming pregnant and doing everything for it. since we are comfortable with the possibility that children just might not be in our future and we aren't willing to seek medical assistance if it doesn't happen naturally, I thought that maybe I didn't deserve a baby as much as someone who is willing to do everything for it, and then I'd gladly be that one in six. but when nature has to also pick out someone like you, I get really angry. but I am really glad that you can start TTC so soon again.
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Geri - Thank you. I am glad to hear that you've been feeling better. And, thank you for starting this thread. It is wonderful to have a place to talk about this.

SS - Thank you for your thoughts. You are right. The successful IUI has given us more than a glimmer of hope. I have every reason to think that I will conceive again, and if I do miscarry again, then I have ever confidence my RE will help us figure out why. It is just a matter of time. I do believe that.

Noel, Noel, Noel - My good friend. Of course, you deserve a baby as much as anyone else!! I am quite ok with not having a baby of my own too. I would gladly start the adoption process right this moment! DH and I have decided, however, to try to have one of our own first, since age is a bit of a factor. When I want something, I will do whatever it takes to get it. To me, the medical assistance is just the path that I am destined to take, and I am lucky to have the option. I know you will get pregnant again, and I know you and your DH will be wonderful parents. You both deserve that as much as any of us, regardless of the paths we take. I understand what you are saying about the statistics, and it is kind of you, but it is just one more thing that none of us can control in this process.
 
Loves Vintage, thinking of you...

How great that you have such an amazing RE. That you trust him means a lot and I am sure that you will have your baby in your arms soon. I hope you have a speedy recovery. It is good that you have so much support. (HUGS)
 
Oh no. I''m so sorry to hear your news LV.
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LV- i am so sorry for your loss

It seems like you have a great RE and are in good hands
 
LV - I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that with the suport of your family, friends and PS friends, you will find all that you need to get through this very difficult time.

BIG HUGS
 
Date: 1/12/2010 9:42:07 AM
Author: Loves Vintage
Geri - Thank you. I am glad to hear that you''ve been feeling better. And, thank you for starting this thread. It is wonderful to have a place to talk about this.

SS - Thank you for your thoughts. You are right. The successful IUI has given us more than a glimmer of hope. I have every reason to think that I will conceive again, and if I do miscarry again, then I have ever confidence my RE will help us figure out why. It is just a matter of time. I do believe that.

Noel, Noel, Noel - My good friend. Of course, you deserve a baby as much as anyone else!! I am quite ok with not having a baby of my own too. I would gladly start the adoption process right this moment! DH and I have decided, however, to try to have one of our own first, since age is a bit of a factor. When I want something, I will do whatever it takes to get it. To me, the medical assistance is just the path that I am destined to take, and I am lucky to have the option. I know you will get pregnant again, and I know you and your DH will be wonderful parents. You both deserve that as much as any of us, regardless of the paths we take. I understand what you are saying about the statistics, and it is kind of you, but it is just one more thing that none of us can control in this process.
Click to expand...
L.V. you are so awesome!!! I can''t wait to see how your family grows through future IUIs, adoptions, and/or other miracles. I think this is one of the best articulations of these ways of building a family!
 
LV - so sorry to hear about your loss. Take care of yourself.
 
good news for me... well, not really any news in this thread is good, but considering the situation, it is good...

I went onto the hospital website and there was a list of average wait times for procedures, and for d&c it is 1 week. of course it says you cannot hold them to those times, but at least it looks like that it will very likely all be done before the end of this month.
 
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that's definitely good news (well, good news on the bad news thread...) I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing ok...
 
LV, so glad that you can get this resolved as soon as possible. When things get hard, just breathe and take it one breath at a time. That''s what I did when I had to wait. I''d just take it one deep breath at a time, nothing more. And somehow, that made me calmer and OK with that given moment. (HUGS)
 
well... no bad/sad news on this thread the last 3 days! (my 14 Jan is pretty much over as I''m leaving work for the day soon)

tomorrow morning is my gynae appointment (finally!). I''ve been rehearsing all the things I will say... I tend to be quiet because even though I speak Dutch, it isn''t my first language and I often can''t clearly express what I feel... but I''ve thought of good phrases which mostly consist of "The waiting is making me crazy. I''m unhappy. I''m nervous. I can''t concentrate at the office, and when I''m home all I do is cry. I can''t sleep. I need this out asap. Can you book me in for next week???"
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ok, it''s not all true, but DH said I have to make it sound really bad and IF the gynae comes in and says "How are you" not to automatically say "I''m fine", but instead to say "This situation I''m in is absolutely horrible." he probably won''t even ask me how I feel, but I''m gonna tell him anyway!

so wish me luck! I''m assuming I need to go in with a full bladder again as he''ll do an ultrasound.
 
Good luck Noelwr!

Your phrases sound good! Stick to your guns and rock out with your awesome Dutch skills!

XOXO, Bella
 
Just want to say, good luck Noel! I know you can do it, and stay strong and firm with your Dr. Your plan sounds excellent. Let us know how it goes.
 
Noelwr - hope your plan went well today and you got a good outcome.

My doctor did blood tests yesterday because I was still showing positive on the HPTs. She told me to call today and she would let me know the results. Of course she wasn''t available when I called and when she finally called back I was in a meeting with someone and couldn''t take the call. She left a message just saying "I''ll leave a message for you at home to tell you what you need to do". Of course, my home phone answer machine doesn''t work so no message and because it''s after hours I can''t reach her. Now I need to wait till Monday to find out "what I need to do". So frustrating. I''m just over it at this point.

Sorry, having a bad day and just need to vent. Hope everyone else is doing well.
 
Now I feel bad for venting. As soon as I hit submit on my last post, the doctor called me back again on my mobile (bless her). My hcg is still at 143 and she wants to monitor it to make sure it keeps going down so blood tests every 3 or so days for me until it gets back to zero. Hopefully this will happen quickly and that nothing else is necessary.
 
I spent 3 hrs at the hospital this morning! but the good news is that when I ran to go pee because the gynae wanted to do the u/s internally, DH told gynae that this was not manageable anymore and we really need to get a d&c appointment right away. so I''m going to get the d&c on tuesday! whoo hoo! strangely enough, the embryo/fetus has not gotten smaller (but now measuring 4 weeks behind at 12 weeks) in the last 2.5 weeks which I read somewhere on-line that it would. anyway, whatever DH said it worked right away. gynae didn''t even tell me about other options like medication. then I had to meet with people to schedule the operation, speak to the anaesthesiologist and get my blood taken so they could confirm my blood type since I''ve never had to go to the hospital before. Everyone we met was so nice. I am SO happy I asked DH to come with. I felt bad he had to take time off work, but at least we came out with the result we wanted. And they gave me the misopotrol pills to insert vaginally before I head to the hospital on Tues.

geri - don''t feel bad for venting, even if the doctor ended up calling you (which I''m really happy for you that you don''t have to spend the whole weekend wondering what she wanted to tell you). dealing with doctors and not having the answers ourselves has been extremely frustrating for all of us.
 
Noel, that''s great news. DH did his job well. I am glad there''s a light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Geri, you should not feel bad for venting at all. I am sorry you are going through so much stress and frustration. The good news is, you''re going in for increased monitoring and your dr is on the case. I hope those numbers come down quickly for you.
 
Yay Noelwr! I hope that the proceedure goes well on Tuesday and you can then move forward in your own time.

geri-Hope all is well and so glad the Dr called your cell! Hope the HCG levels go down this weekend.
 
Noel - no one can say you didn''t give it time to happen on its own, so I''m glad you''ll be able to get some closure on Tuesday. Hope all goes well - it''s about the most minor procedure I do anesthetics for. Over in 10-15min.

LV - I''m so sorry to get on here and see your news. I''m surprised they might want to do a D&C right away. I thought that was usually reserved for later on when there''s actually products of conception in there to evacuate (sorry if this sounds weird). One of the OB/GYNs I work with even had a patient one day with a beta in the 1000-2000 kind of range, somewhere around 4-5 weeks pregnant, and commented to me (when I said that was really early to be scheduling a D&C for pregnancy termination) that it was harder to do one as early on as that, as you''d be more likely to miss that tiny portion of the endometrium where it had implanted vs later on when things were bigger and you''d be more likely to be successful.

With my chemical/miscarriage where my betas got to nearly 500 and then dropped, I was on progesterone and estrogen the whole time, and had actually increased the dosages to try to support the pregnancy while I could. I still bled the entire time, and had nothing worse than a long, drawn-out, heavier-than-usual period. I don''t think the lining would be that much thicker than any other medicated cycle, and at this stage in the game, there shouldn''t be a gestational sac or anything else like that in there to pass. I would expect them to follow the betas to see if they drop or rise, and if they continue to creep up there, to do an ultrasound to be sure it''s not an ectopic pregnancy. I think you wouldn''t really be able to see that on a scan for another 2 weeks or so though. Hope you get some answers today from your repeat bloodwork, and that they give you a few options to consider (like waiting it out, meds vs D&C) before you have to decide how to proceed.

Hugs!
 
thanks drk! I am glad I waited at least that first week. if it had happened naturally during the 1st week, I would have preferred it over a d&c. but now with the wait it will have been 3 weeks which is so awfully long, and I did read that most will pass naturally within 2 weeks if you are already having bleeding symptoms when you go for the u/s, but chances are less likely if you have no bleeding. so had I known that then, I would have requested the gynae appt to be right after the 1st week, but I didn''t know then that you had to wait so long for everything in this stupid country.

regarding the anesthesia... I learned today that between the time you get it (mine will be via IV) and you''re out and that you wake up again, you actually think no time will have passed. that was interesting to me because I thought you actually go to sleep and might dream a little... I didn''t really know that it will feel like you were just awake a second ago. DH says that after the operation when you go into the "control room", they actually wake you up to check if you''re ok. is this where they give you the pain killers and watch to see if you''re nauseous? how long are you usually in here before they take you back to the normal hospital room?

and... sorry I''m asking so many questions... what do you think about the calming pills they give an hour before the general anesthesia? they said it is up to me if I want it or not. the only thing I''m worried about because I''ve never been in a hospital before is the IV that goes in the hand (I don''t like needles), but I figure once it''s in, it shouldn''t hurt anymore so do I really need the pills for that one second?
 
Noel - I guess everyone probably does things a little differently in terms of the anesthetic. Most I''ve worked with (and what I do) is to just put an oxygen mask on the patient while I''m starting the IV (you only need one the size they''d put in a baby for the procedure, so it''s not big - probably smaller than anything you''ve been poked with for bloodwork). Then they get a big blast of propofol to go to sleep (yes, that''s what Michael Jackson had, but his doctor wasn''t using it appropriately or safely - it''s a great drug), and possibly an IV form of gravol or ibuprofen. That''s enough to keep them asleep while the doctor does the procedure (though they breathe on their own throughout) and if there''s any movement that might indicate that it''s wearing off before the surgeon''s done, or I notice anything that might say they''re getting lighter (movement happens long before there''s any awareness), I just give another little blast. Most of the time they''re still snoozing and unconscious when I take them to recovery room, but they''re waking up within a few minutes in there. The propofol doesn''t cause nausea, and actually is one treatment for nausea. I''ll leave an order for a little bit of morphine or tylenol #3s for pain relief (usually not much is needed), and they''re good to go fairly quickly. I''d guess they might keep the patients for an hour? Not sure how long the nurses in the recovery room normally keep them. People often wake up saying "did they do anything? Is it over?" for most operations I do. Propofol does give good dreams though, so I have had people wake up rambling a little.
Other colleagues I worked with in training would give a smaller dose of propofol, then hold a mask on with nitrous oxide and one of the anesthetic vapours. I don''t tend to do that - those can cause nausea, and pollute the OR with the anesthetics, which isn''t so fun for the other people working in there.
RE the anxiety meds ahead of time. I guess it depends on you. I wouldn''t take it, and most patients I have don''t get them unless they have chronic anxiety disorders or are absolutely petrified. As a young healthy person who''ll be out for less than 10-15min, I''d be shocked beyond all belief if anything bad were to happen to you. And personally, I''d rather not take the meds and wake up quicker and feel back to normal faster, and just deal with the 1 small poke for the IV. It really shouldn''t be bad. Even my morbidly obese patients for gastric bypass surgery who often need multiple tries to get an IV (because they have crappy veins, or they''re so deep under the fat you can''t tell where they are) almost never get the premeds. Occasionally I get a real needle phobic patient, or a really anxious teenager or 10-11 year old, and I''ll be nice and give them a mask with nitrous oxide (laughing gas) to hold and breathe for 30-60 seconds before I start the IV. It takes away a little pain and makes you not care so much too, and is out of your system in a flash. Once they poke the IV through the skin, it really shouldn''t hurt any more.
Hope that answers some of the questions! I''m not sure if they do things differently over there, but imagine that drugs and techniques shouldn''t be so different. As long as you''re not dehydrated and have decent veins, you should be fine. I''ll let people drink clear fluids (like water, apple juice, black coffee with no milk) up to 4 hours ahead of time, and I did that myself before my IVF retrieval even though they said to have nothing after midnight the night before. I refused the ativan when they couldn''t get an IV on me (not sure why, I have good veins), and just did the whole thing under local. :) I''m a little nuts, apparently.
 
LV, I just read about your loss. I''m so sorry hun. I wish you all the best during this tough time.
 
DrK - Thank you so much for your post. Your advice is timely and very much appreciated. My HCG level did go up slightly more, and the RE wants me to come back on Tuesday to confirm the level is going down. He is very optimisitic that the level will go down, especially since the progesterone and estrogen supplementation have been removed, which should also signal to my body that the pregnancy should not continue. This was very likely his intention all along. I spoke with another nurse earlier this week, and I now suspect she didn't deliver the message very clearly. He clearly would prefer that the miscarriage occur naturally. And so, we will wait. Having never been through this before, your perspective on this is really invaluable. I will be patient and wait for nature to take its course. No sense in trying to rush miracles, right?

Also, I asked whether it could be an ectopic, and he did not think that it was. Not sure why he thinks that, but I did not speak with him, so there was no point in my asking further.

Noel - I am very glad to hear that things are moving along for you. You must be so happy that your DH took care of business, and you won't have to worry about it any longer.

Lucy, DCG, Ryan Claire, HH - Thank you for your kind words.

Laila - Thank you. I hope you are doing well. I noticed you haven't been around in the TTC thread. I think I am going to take a break from the thread for a while myself, even if we are able to start up right away again, so I totally understand why you would have taken a break too. I hope to hear about your BFP soon, soon, soon.

Bella - Thanks for the compliment! I have my good moments.
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Bliss - Thank you for your continued support. You are a sweetheart, and I totally appreciate your being here the other day when I just need to talk.
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*********************

So, I have been doing really well, oddly so. I am usually a super-emotional type of girl, but I have rationalized that the miscarriage likely resulted from a chromosomal issue. It never would have resulted in a baby. It was not meant to be. The only time I have felt really, really sad was when I was thinking about what could have been, who he would have been. But, he was never meant to be. The potential for life was not there. And so, I do not cry.

I have also been super-focused at work this week. Maybe I have just compartmentalized everything, and it will hit me this weekend. Or, maybe I will be ok.

As far as I can tell, I have an excellent chance of getting pregnant again. I respond well to clomid, my husband has an excellent sperm count, I have a great RE and now we know that I can get pregnant. So, there's lots of hope for me yet!
 
thanks drk again. from what I've read, I think it will go the same here. only difference is the the anaesthesiologist said they only use masks on children. I think I'll go without the anxiety meds if the iv pinch is even less than a bloodwork pinch. out of interest... since they expect you to breathe on your own for such a quick procedure, what do they do with someone who has a cold? (I haven't had a cold for a really long time, but you never know...)

LV - I'm glad you can think positively about the future. I pretty much feel the same as you. even though we got to 9 weeks, we never felt an attachment to the baby. I know that sounds harsh, and I asked DH if maybe we somehow knew it wasn't going to make it, but he said it was just because we were cautious from the begining, and he is right. the week days are good for me because I have work to keep my mind off of it and I'm tired at night. last weekend was not so good because I had 48 hours just to think about nothing else. I think this weekend will be ok for me knowing that it will all be over soon. next Saturday I have a chocolate making workshop with my mom which I am so happy that I don't have to cancel. life can get back to normal!
 
LV - I agree with your RE. I bet the HCG will drop on its own, and you''re absolutely right that getting pg (even a chemical) on your first IUI is a great sign. You''ve got a lot working in your favour, with the good sperm, knowing that you can have implantation happen, that the sperm can get through your tubes to the egg and fertilize it. Sounds like most of the issue is hormonal, and your RE can fix that with meds. Sounds like you''re working with someone good.

Noel - if you had pneumonia or the flu, they''d probably delay the D&C a couple of weeks. But if you''ve just got the sniffles, it shouldn''t be a big deal. You''ll still breathe on your own even if you''re congested. If your nose were totally plugged up, they''d probably just pop an oral airway in once you''re asleep, to ensure that you could still breathe well through your mouth. I''m sure you''ll be healthy and all will go smoothly though!
 
LV - I am so sad to hear this. I logged on specifically to search for you to read about your RE visits. I went myself and wanted to see you explain some stuff. Anyway, no no no no no. I can''t believe this! I am so sad for you and your DH. You seem ok and YOU WILL be ok. I admire your fortitude!!! I think life is so unfair sometimes.
 
LV, thinking of you. I am sending thoughts and prayers for things to progress naturally for you. It is the best way and I hope your body lets go and does everything it should. (HUGS) You are right in that there is SO much hope for you! You have the best of everything. You will hold your baby in your arms soon!

geri, thinking of you as well. Thanks for checking in. 143 is good! You will be down to nothing on HCG levels before long. Dust for lower HCG!!! Isn't it so frustrating how it takes forever to go down? It is really hard to go through but you are in the home stretch!

noelwr, GOOD FOR YOU! And GOOD FOR YOUR DH! When you put in your misoprostol, my doctor told me to make sure I wet them first. I'd call your doctor or nurse to make sure, but their effectiveness is higher if they're wet before you put them in. They dissolve pretty quickly, so I just dipped them under the faucet and put them up as high as I could, as close to the cervix as I could. One at a time. Soon, you will be feeling better and back to your normal self - or as close as you can to it. Dust to you for a speedy recovery and simple procedure. Yay for the chocolate making workshop! YUM. Send some dark chocolate my way!

drk, thanks for being so compassionate and generous with your medical expertise. I've already been through my experience, but it's so helpful to get your perspective on things. Congrats again on your beautiful pregnancy!!!! Your belly is so pretty! I only wish I will look that good when pregnant!

And of course, thanks to all the beautiful ladies who have been posting here with such kind words and support.
 
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