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Erings and workplaces (and insane bosses).

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elepri

elepri

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2004
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759
I've just started this new job and, apparently, I already managed to piss off my boss. Stupid me, I had the nerve to wear my engagement ring to the orientation and he noticed and told me it was not appropriate to wear to the hospital. I've worked in a few hospitals before and it was never an issue but I figured, fine, I'll leave it at home, I don't wear the ering every day anyway. Well, this morning I got a 2-hour lecture from the Boss. It was rather redundant but here's the 3 main points he was making:

1. You're trying to show that you're better than anyone and nobody gives a shit.
2. Most marriages fall apart so don't make such a big deal out of yours.
3. This just shows how young and stupid you are because no older woman would ever wear an diamond ering.

How do you even respond to this? Of course I tried to object and explain my reasons for wearing a ring (which again, i wasn't even wearing) but was just accused of getting "defensive." Uhm, yeah...
I'm so furious now, I want to wear it just to piss him off! What's his problem?!! It's not like a have a huge ostentatious rock that I shove in everyone's face. Sorry this has turned into kind of a rant, just wondering if anyone has ever had to deal with this kind of insane behavior? And thanks for listening.
 
ewwwww... I can imagine (but not like) such a lecture if there was a professional reason not to wear it -- safety, hygiene, etc... I think it's completely out of place for him to lecture you on social behaviour that is based on opinion, not fact. I hope this is not an omen of how he manages everything else!

Good luck with your new job!
 
All I can think of is that he must be a repressed gay man. What sane person would rant about a e-ring for 2 hours? He''s probably just jealous that he can''t display his bling blings in the hospital.
 
Could that be construed as harassment???

It's a personal item...so why does he have his panties in a bunch? How rude that he mentions marriages failing, to me that's harassment! Why should you have to listen to a rant about your personal life??

It's so funny to me how people perceive big rings or even beautiful jewelry items as if you are trying to show off...

aka a previous coworker said to me once about another coworker...'and she has this big rock and her great life and she comes off like she thinks she's so good'...

and I remember thinking, so because she has a big rock and a good life then she's a snob???
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Well the chick kind of was a snob but I thought it was interesting that her big rock (which coincidentally i never even noticed so i couldn't have been THAT big
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) was somehow lumped in with people's assessment of her.

I have a big rock because I like diamonds. It has nothing to do with being better than anyone else. I just like a big sparkly rock!!!
 
Date: 7/12/2005 7:05:40 PM
Author:elepri
I got a 2-hour lecture from the Boss. It was rather redundant but here''s the 3 main points he was making:


1. You''re trying to show that you''re better than anyone and nobody gives a shit.

2. Most marriages fall apart so don''t make such a big deal out of yours.

3. This just shows how young and stupid you are because no older woman would ever wear an diamond ering.


How do you even respond to this? Of course I tried to object and explain my reasons for wearing a ring (which again, i wasn''t even wearing) but was just accused of getting ''defensive.'' Uhm, yeah...
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Uh Id find a lawyer and a new job AND report him to his superior. He cannot prevent you from wearing it unless its 1) a hazard to patients or coworkers or 2) Its a hazard to you.

Those 3 points in themselves are a MAJOR no no. He just did a little bit of sex discrimination there and class discrimination. Besides that, completely unprofessional and inappropriate, period.
 
Ewww...he sounds bitter. I hope his attitude improves towards you or else those will be some looong days. I can understand not wearing a ring for certain things with in a hospital, I mean, if someoen was in a surgery or things like that but just walking around check up every day type stuff, who cares?! My doctors are all female and they wear their rings. Sorry you had to sit through his lecture.
 
If I may ask, are you a nurse? At the hospital where I used to work, management tried to put in a rule that a nurse, or technician or anyone that wore gloves (me being a pharmacy technician at the time was included) could only wear a flat band, i.e., one that did not stand up from the finger. Fortunately, all the nurses (most of whom had been there forever since it was a community hospital) threw a fit and forced management to get rid of that rule.

The hospital has put other rules into effect about other types of jewlery (no visible body piercings except for the ears) but most is common sense stuff.

I can't believe your boss made such a big deal about your ring! Maybe he was from a failed relationship and is jealous. Or maybe his girlfriend is giving him a lot of sh!t about getting her a ring.
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I would ask him where the rule is - in writing - that you cannot wear your ring. He cannot "make" you not wear your ring if it's not a rule.

ETA -- I agree with Ame. What he did is pure discrimination and he could get reprimanded if you chose to go to higher management with a complaint.
 
In the world of psychoanalysis, this man is definitely projecting his problems onto you!!! Something about your ring triggered his own bitterness about marriage, and happiness...this was totally inappropriate and his superiors need to hear of his behaviors at once!! If you''re worried about this job being new, don''t...because you won''t be staying there much longer anyways if he keeps that up, so you have nothing to lose!!!

BTW...my mom is an "older" woman (although not OLD by any means) and still wears her 1.5 carat Princess ring with her eternity w-band!!! This guy needs an attitude adjustment....FAST!!!
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I am speechless and that doesn''t happen very often. When I first read that your boss had a problem with the ering, I was thinking maybe he doesn''t want rings on the fingers for sanitary reasons, or injuring a patient (that would be a stretch but I did think it) then to find out the real reason. OMG, I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. I would report this, or hire a lawyer cause you have an excellent case against this SOB!!!!!!!
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That is so bizarre, Elepri. I can't believe he would make such a big issue of wearing an engagement ring. Does he have a problem with wedding rings too? Even if it is hazardous for your job, a simple request for you not to wear it for that reason would have been sufficient!!! Spending 2 hours lecturing tells me he has bigger ISSUES than you'll ever know.

Big or small, your ring represents your commitment to your relationship. "Don't make a big deal" out of marriage? Well, no wonder there are so many divorces with people out there thinking like that!!!!!
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Well, I'm an "older woman," and I rarely leave the house without my ring. Your boss is just a loon!



ETA: A glass of wine with dinner, and I'll tell you how I really feel.
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Thank you guys for your support. I know his comments were inappropriate and rude, i just wish i hadn't been taken aback by them so much.

Jellybean, no i'm not a nurse, i work in mental health (psychotherapy) so i never touch my patients. I realize that some of them may be poor and may have feelings about their doctors being better off than them but it's really not about the rings. Honestly, i've never had a patient even comment on my ring, they usually have more important things on their mind to worry about. Perhaps I should just stop dressing professionally or taking care of myself, then I really will look like a lot of my patients just to make sure that they don't think i'm just trying to show that i'm better than them.

AChiOAlumna, I think he's definitely projecting, at least his feelings about marriage are pretty transparent. But everything else, wow, I just don't know where it all came from
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Date: 7/12/2005 7:38:57 PM
Author: elepri
Thank you guys for your support. I know his comments were inappropriate and rude, i just wish i hadn''t been taken aback by them so much.
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Actually, it''s understandable why you were taken aback so much. Don''t be too hard on yourself...this guy definitely has a genetic a-hole factor!!
 
elepri
tell your boss go "F" himself. so...no older woman would ever wear an diamond ering?
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humm....no wonder there''re so many young chicks here.
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Whoa. Do you need this job? Can you find another one of equal pay and duties? Because if you can, I would quit this and go on to someplace where they will appreciate you as a professional and not care about your ring!! My blood is boiling right now and it''s not even my situation!! How you didn''t tell this a**hole to shove up his a** shows an enormous amount of restraint, something I think I would''ve lost if it were me. There is no law stating you can''t wear a ring to work. I don''t care if it''s .50 carats or 50 carats, it''s your ring symbolizing your love with your fiance. Period. It won''t get in the way of the work you do. I have NEVER worked for a place where it stated in the company policies that women can''t wear a wedding ring if it is too sparkly or makes people feel inferior. And does this go for men too?? Men these days have some pretty flashy wedding rings. Would they be targeted in the company you work for?! I highly doubt it. You are being picked on because you are a woman, because you have something nice, because your boss is a bitter self-rightous d**khead, and lastly because you are letting him. DON''T. Is there anyone else higher you can take your complaints to? I would definitely do this. NO ONE can tell you not to wear a ring to work, unless maybe you did construction or something and it was a safety hazard. And your point was dead-on: so if you deal with low-income clients, are you supposed to dress like unprofessionaly and maybe not shower for a few days, not wear perfume, not wear nice shoes, etc??!! Because god forbid you offend one of your clients by looking appropriate and professional.

OMG, this ticks me off so much! Please take it higher if you can. Wear your nice ring, even in the military, where there are so many things we cannot wear with our uniforms, we are at least allowed an ering and wedding ring, no matter how fancy. I wear my very sparkly, diamond covered bands with my military uniform and have not ONCE been asked to remove it. I would tell a 4 star general to shove it up his butt before removing the symbol of my love and committment!!

Sorry. I do hope my ranting helps you!!
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What a load of bull from this guy! I'm a resident in anesthesia, and almost all the staff I see around the hospital wear e-rings and wedding rings, along with RHRs if they've got them. Sure I have to take mine off to wash up for doing an epidural or spinal or putting in an art line, and I took them off last year when I had to scrub for surgery, but that was obviously only for aseptic/sterile procedures. I made sure I picked a style (similar to your gorgeous ring!) that was low-profile and would easily fit under gloves without tearing them. No one has told me off for wearing rings. Some of the nurses and social workers (and a few residents as well) have more blingy rings than I do, and we just admire what the others have. I haven't ever heard anyone say it's a problem.

I'd be tempted to speak with infection control and hospital admin and find out if there's a policy or if this guy is just bein an a$$ (I'm 100% certain it's the second option). The only reason I could see for not wearing what you've got would be if infection control felt it were a danger to patients or to you. Hospitals are pretty big on antidiscrimination/antiharassment stuff these days, so I would wear it again if it's not against policy, and if my boss were to start ranting, I'd tell him that I'd checked out the rules, and that the only one who has an issue with it is him. I'd probably also talk with someone in human resources to mention that this had been a problem, that you'd checked things out with infection control and the hospital policies, and that you just wanted them to have a heads up that this had happened. You don't want this idiot to give you a bad evaluation out of spite (and have it be taken at face value), and at least having mentioned it to HR in advance, they'd be less likely to believe anything ridiculous he'd said about you.

Why should you get a gorgeous e-ring (whether ostentatious or not) and have to leave it at home every day? I love wearing my ering and wedding band at work because it means every time I look at my hand during the day, I think of my husband (who's still currently living 8h away from me, despite being married for over 1 month) and get a little happier. Is this idiot going to refuse to let you wear your wedding ring as well because then you're showing off that you're married?? I'm sooo angry on your behalf!!

I hope things work out for you, and that you don't have to put up with his horrible attitude any more!

ETA: I just read that you do psychotherapy, not hands-on patient care. There's absolutely NO reason in the world why you shouldn't wear your tasteful jewellery to work. If you had a 100ct diamond necklace appropriate only for a gala ball, sure, that's inappropriate. Your wedding set sure as hell isn't!
 
Two letters: HR (Human Resources)

I would call them ASAP.
 
Wow, I''m in shock. I agree with everyone else that he is harrassing you. I''d go to his supervisor. Also, write down everything that he said and the dates and times and if anyone else was nearby to hear it. You may need that info later.
 
Date: 7/12/2005 8:20:45 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae
Two letters: HR (Human Resources)

I would call them ASAP.
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Abso-freaking-lutely.

I am so irate for you I can''t even speak...my only response would be to leave an ENGAGEMENT RING-SIZED-ROCK-MARK IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD.
 
I have never heard of this. On the first day of med school, one of my sister''s teacher''s told her that rings can be very dangerous in certain occupations (construction, etc) where a person could lose a finger. HOWEVER, your boss'' 2 hour speech was focused on how you think you are better then other people, and that you are young and stupid. Totally unacceptable. I would report him to his superiors and then call him on his behavior. I tend to be very direct with such matters, as in, "Do you have a problem with me being engaged, married or my social standing as signified by my e-ring, because I feel that you are harrassing me based on a personal item ?" I would take the offensive against his behavior. I don''t know if he was throwing his weight around or what, but don''t let him get away with the insinuation that you are "young and stupid"
 
And 2 FREAKIN HOURS????!!!!! He should''ve used those hours to do his damn job!!! What a loser....
 
Just for that, you should get a HUGE cz pendant and HUGE cz earrings, and wear it all together.... just to piss him off.
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You can take them off when you see patients, but be sure to flaunt it when you''re around the boss.

You wouldn''t happen to work for the government, would you? If so, you can definitely get him in a lot of trouble. Make sure you document everything he says, date, time, length of conversation. Chances are, you''re not the first person he''s done that to.
 
Date: 7/12/2005 7:16:54 PM
Author: ame

Uh Id find a lawyer and a new job AND report him to his superior. He cannot prevent you from wearing it unless its 1) a hazard to patients or coworkers or 2) Its a hazard to you.

Those 3 points in themselves are a MAJOR no no. He just did a little bit of sex discrimination there and class discrimination. Besides that, completely unprofessional and inappropriate, period.
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wow, first i am so sorry this happened! second, ame took the words out of my mouth. i would absolutely report him to a supervisor. that is just SO WRONG. what a jerk!!!


drk - i am thinking about going into anesthesiology too! do you mind if i drop you a pm? (sorry for the threadjacking
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This is complete nonsense!. I''m a psychologist and have worked in psych hospitals and every other level of care in psychiatry. I have NEVER heard of a prohibition against rings. Big hoop earrings and wearing your hair in a long pony tail (people have been choaked by patients) but never a ring. I could see if you were in the trauma ER or something. He probably got turned down by some woman who he proposed to and can''t stand the sight of the ring. What a load of BS. I''d ask HR if there is a policy against it and tell them what your boss said. I''d also tell your union if you have one.I''d also see about a transfer to another department. If he is this unreasonable abut this I can only imagine how is is about other tings. Have you told your co-workers? What did they say?
 
WOW elepri! I agree with others that I have NEVER heard of such a thing, and his behavior and attitude was extremely offensive, unethical and unprofessional. What a horrible thing for you to experience when you are now beginning a job! Are you considering taking some type of HR action against him? I know that is a tough call to make considering it would be a him vs. you type of thing, but at the same time you do not want him to think he can intrude in YOUR personal life and personal decisions...what is he Hitler?? UGH Unbelievable what some people think they can get away with!
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Wow, thank you all again for all the support and advice. I''m overwhelmed by the number of responses and they really confirm that i wasn''t overreacting. I will definitely call HR tomorrow, even if just to let them know about what happened and clarify the dress code. Yes, I do have to worry about the repercussions of challenging his authority; it''s not just a job, it''s my postdoctoral year and his evaluation will be important for getting my license. Then again, it''s certainly not the only hospital in New York, no one is keeping me from looking for another job.

WTNLVR, I"m a psychologist too (finally can call myself that!) and I''ve never enountered anything like this before although, of course, my experience has been pretty limited. I''ve talked to a few colleagues and every one of them basically just confirmed that this guy is insane and the best thing to do is just ignore him. I''m just not sure if it really is the best thing or even a possible thing to do.
 
Sounds like a dominance - control issue to me.
He's asserting his power over you early on.
It may have had nothing at all to do with the ring.
He's just trying to knock you down a peg early.
Maybe he's a misogynist, and doesn't approve of women in the field?
How old is this guy?

Just an idea....

I agree with what many have said.
Time for a visit to HR to determine the best way to handle this.
Find out about any prior complaints.
It's unfortunate that his evaluation is so significant; you may not be able to do anything.
It does sound like harrassment to me too Mara!

MarLO


Oh***** And I LOVE your
Niwaka Wedding Band. It's so sculptural, and flowing. Utterly Fabulous!!
 
Marlorey, I agree with everything you say, except I do believe that there is ALWAYS something to be done. Elepri, please go to HR and if nothing works out for you with this, you were right, there are other hospitals where you live. Go to one that appreciates you for the work you do and your credentials, not for a ring you may or may not being wearing!
 
Surely that can''t be the hospital rules. This boss'' behaviour sounds to me like abuse. He sounds scary to work with--don''t think I would. It will be interesting to hear what HR has to say. He seems to want to destroy the symbol of your happiness. That''s sick.
 
My reaction when I read this was perhaps he is going through a bitter divorce or perhaps his parents marriage was so effed up that it''s affected him.

Even if this was the case, his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

I''m sorry this has happened to you. This guy is just a complete ass!!
 
How humiliating for you to be subjected to his "baggage".

I can''t believe he had the nerve to say such ridiculous things to you.

I would definitely speak to his "boss" and find out exactly which type of personality disorder this man suffers from.

Heather
 
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