Extremely upset ... I hate my proposal and my engagement ring

[hearts-arrows_girl]

aaaaaa, I'm sooo very sorry for your sad feelings. Right, wrong, or indifferent, how we feel is how we feel. The hard part about trying to get support on an open forum like this is that in being totally honest and putting yourself out there, you are opening yourself up to harsh criticism from those who strongly disapprove of your feelings, along with the "Great support" you will get from those who feel the same as you. It's sort of a double edge sword, it guess.
Now, onto my 2 cents, I think sometimes when we wait for an event or present for a long time, some people, me included, tend to start living out the scene in our heads of how or what it will be like. Once we have this picture in our heads of how we think it will be, the real event or present is going to do 2 things. 1) knock our socks off, if it is better than we imagined or 2) dissappoint us if it is not as good as imagined. Either response has little to do with the actual event or present, it's more a "that's not how I imagined it" thing that domintates our feelings. It reminds me of when you want a certain "Barbie" for Christmas, and you get a "Tressie doll" instead. You still are lucky to have gotten any gift at all, but you had been playing with this Barbie in your head and probably visiting her at the toy store too, so it is hard to mask your dissappointment. The ring/proposal thing probably has little to do with not appreciating his gesture of love, and more to do with how the picture in your head played out. I was very lucky, I never had a picture in my head of how I would be proposed to because I had no real proposal. My BF had told me he wanted to marry me less than 3 months into the relationship, so the cat was already out of the bag. All he did when the time was right, was give me the OK to go and see his niece who sold jewelry to pick out my ring. (he knew I had been shopping for years because I would tell him what rings I liked in everyday conversation and he knew me well enough to know I wanted to have a hand in picking out the ring I would be wearing for my entire marriage) It wasn't romantic, but I guess I didn't link this to romance, but to taking a step closer to our final goal, which was marriage. I have said it before, but I think the "surprise engagement ring" tradition is a really hard thing for both parties. In your future together, I would think that most LARGE, expensive purchases, like a ring is, you will pick out together, so why not the ring too? (although it was VERY important to my fiance/husband to pay for the ring himself. It was the only tradition he insisted upon, so I did use whatever budget he deemed do-able) I liken it to telling your fiance that you will be picking out the car or truck that he will be driving for the rest of his life, without input from him, and if he isn't happy with exactly what you pick out, he can't tell you because it will mean he doesn't love you or think that what you put all this hard work into isn't good enough. I know, I know, a ring is not a vehicle, but it's just an analogy. The fact is, you did get the surprise ring and it isn't right for you, but like the truck, saying anything might cause hurt feelings. One of you is going to feel bad in this case. Who it will be is a no win situation. I totally feel for you, for having had the pre-vision of the ring and proposal, and now having to deal with unsettling feelings. Even if the feelings aren't socially acceptable to some, you are still having them and that's the bottom line. I have no good solution, because there isn't really a win, win solution, but I offer my support and understanding! Believe me, after you're married, the proposal thing will seem very small, and the wedding will be the big event. Don't forget a proposal is only the stepping stone to the Big Event, your wedding! And when all is said and done......HEY GIRL!!! YOU'RE ENGAGED!!! CONGRATS ON TAKING THE NEXT STEP TOWARDS MARRIAGE! AND A DeBEERS RING IS NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT! IT LOOKS STUNNING!

 

[motownmama]

Wondering how things are going with you? What advice have you followed up to this point? I want to echo that the ring is very beautiful, classy and classic. It looks beautiful on your hand (I''d love to see more pictures). I think down the road you will be very happy that your BF surprised you and picked out a ring - I know it''s a very special memory from my proposal!
Now... down to the issue at hand (tee hee). If you haven''t done so already you need to get to a high end store and start trying on some bands - ANY and every price range - you''re just trying to get ideas! The reason I say high end is that they will see the quality of your ring. Tell them you love it, but like a little more bling. How about a plain band below and a diamond band on top? Try to get excited about how the final look can be. I do not recommend an enhancer - I have one I wear for fun sometimes, but I think your ring will be more sparkly and yes, look bigger as a solitaire. Try all different widths and settings. If you see something you like it can most likely be copied for less, but I think the whole experience can put your mind at ease. Go alone and take yourself out for a nice lunch after. I think your finace shows strength of character for choosing such a classic high quality ring given he is still a student. Don''t try to overwhelm the band, try to "romance the stone," if you will. Wear it proudly - tell your guy how much you love it. Those gals who looked weird at the ring are not really friends - they may be your friends for now, or good aquaintances, but would you act like that to a FRIEND? If my friend had a speck of sand on a band I would still be genuinely enthusiatic about it - afterall I love all size diamonds!!!

 

[misscuppycake]

The ring is beautiful! I''m sorry you were disappointed about the way things turned out, but don''t you fret. You have someone that loves you very much, that is excited about the way things are going, and that did this especially for you with his whole heart put into it. That''s what counts.

And just for the record, sometimes big excessive rings (even including HUGE diamonds) can look overwhelming and bad. Sometimes small and petite is the way to go!

 

[phoenixgirl]

The ring looks beautiful!

I can relate; I seem to always get it in my head that my husband will give me a certain gift or do it a certain way, and then I'm disappointed that I guessed wrong. On our third anniversary last month, he knew I needed a new gold watch and wanted a gold bracelet (my family has online Christmas wishlists and I'd told him I wanted a bracelet that summer when I saw one I liked). So he gave me gold hoop earrings. It was when he said that he knew I had gotten gold hoop earrings that summer but thought I'd like these too that I was like, "Um? Why would you knowingly get me something very similar to something I already have when I have requested multiple items I don't have?"

Unfortunately, in the course of the evening I wound up telling him this (he brought it up because he could tell my reaction wasn't jubilation). And then I felt bad that I was just telling him what to buy me when it's actually great that he was keeping track of what I had and still wanted to pick out surprises for me. So then I deleted the gold bracelet from my online wishlist (the watch was already reserved by my parents) because I felt like it would be born out of an argument and was a little pricey just for a Christmas jewelry gift. So then he wound up buying me a gold bracelet for Christmas, but of course the wrong kind since I had deleted the one I wanted (it was a bangle I already had from Mondera, but mine had become dented -- I really wanted a rope bracelet). Yoish. And I am just the worst jubilation faker.

But in the end, I love the earrings he got me. They're oval and twisty compared to my normal circular ones. The bracelet, well, oh well. He's trying to make me happy and I'll just be setting my life up for misery if I fault him for that.