Extremely upset ... I hate my proposal and my engagement ring

[waterlilly]

aaaaaaaaaa....don''t forget - there is still the WEDDING RING to pick out. You have MANY options for adding more bling to enhance your ering if you''d like.

 

[aaaaaaaaa]

Aaah! AM having so much trouble uploading the photo ... gonna keep trying! So excited though ... so over my earlier drama. I don''t know what I would have done without this forum though ... gonna post the picture sometime tonite.

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

You can do a lot with a half carat diamond. Set it into a different setting maybe or put it with some gorgeous stacking bands.

 

[gwendolyn]

Yay, can''t wait to see!! If your pictures are too big and you aren''t sure how to downsize them, the cheating way to do it is to upload them into Photobucket and then change the size to the ''website/email'' size (320 x 240). I hope you can post them soon!!

 

[aaaaaaaaa]

Ok ... here it is ... it is pretty and delicate. Just had dinner with some of my female friends. I could tell some of them were looking closely (and most, if not all, have rings at least double the size of mine). It bothered me as I could see the quick flicker run over their face. I left feeling very strange - I think there is some social pressure amongst the women I know in terms of ring size and I wish I was not susceptible to it but I would be lying if I said I was not. I still felt a little twinge of embarassment and shame when I showed it to them but I bet that within 1 or 2 weeks I will be totally over it. It has been so much more fun telling some other friends who I am less close with as I feel less judged. My fiance is so proud and happy as well. I am happy too and so excited about our life together ... although I wish I did not buy into this weird ring size competitiveness (it is annoying me that I feel so self concious!).

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 12/16/2007 10:53:29 PM
Author: aaaaaaaaa
Ok ... here it is ... it is pretty and delicate. Just had dinner with some of my female friends. I could tell some of them were looking closely (and most, if not all, have rings at least double the size of mine). It bothered me as I could see the quick flicker run over their face. I left feeling very strange - I think there is some social pressure amongst the women I know in terms of ring size and I wish I was not susceptible to it but I would be lying if I said I was not. I still felt a little twinge of embarassment and shame when I showed it to them but I bet that within 1 or 2 weeks I will be totally over it. It has been so much more fun telling some other friends who I am less close with as I feel less judged. My fiance is so proud and happy as well. I am happy too and so excited about our life together ... although I wish I did not buy into this weird ring size competitiveness (it is annoying me that I feel so self concious!).

aaaaaaaaa! It''s beautiful! Delicate and elegant.

I completely understand the social pressure, however, you can rock that bad boy! Wear it with some swagger and these friends of yours will wonder what they are missing ... don''t let em see you sweat.
Sometimes, girlfriends are great and other times they can be like dogs ... they can sense fear ... Don''t let em. Your ring is beautiful and you and the most wonderful guy in the world want to be together forever. What could be better?

 

[tulip928]

I knew it would be beautiful!

You''ve got to hand it to him - he did buy a high quality diamond from DeBeers. It truly looks lovely on your hand. You have beautiful hands to top it off!

I can relate to the whole situation - I never did have an engagement ring, and when my husband finally got me a diamond ring, we''d been married 24 years and it was .75 ct. I didn''t get *any* compliments from girlfriends. Most comments were in the order of "What? You should have had at least a carat for each decade!" So I understand that part.

Your engagement story really is cute, when you think about it. He was so excited and focused on getting that ring to you, nothing was going to stop him (not even a crowded, noisy restaurant) . . . I just want to give him a big hug myself!

 

[lumpkin]

aaaaaaaa, I''m really glad you followed up and posted a picture of the ring. The diamond looks VERY sparkly and the delicate band looks beautiful on your hand.

Honestly, I think he did pretty well.

 

[E B]

Girl, are you kidding? That ring is STUNNING! The ultimate in classic. Your fiance did a fabulous job!

 

[Kaleigh]

So glad you posted a pic for us, it's beautiful!!!

Your FI did a wonderful job, wear it in the best of health!!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can completely understand and sympathize with you situation. When my husband purposed to me, I was in love with my ring--but we designed and created my masterpiece together. However, I had a close friend who was in your situation and didn''t exactly get the ring of dreams.

She loved very old-fashioned rings, and he purposed with a modern engagement ring, that was smaller than she had hoped for. My best friend and I advised our other friend that if she wasn''t happy, then she needed to confront the issue. After all, if you''re planning on marrying this man--you should be comfortable enough to be open and honest with him about your feelings. However, she didn''t do this and just carried on.

If you''re sincerely unhappy, then address it--it will allow for open communication. Explain that you appreciate his efforts...but since this a peice of jewelry you will wear everyday for the rest of your life, in your mind, you invisioned a bit more. If he is opposed to changing the ring, then suck it up and move on. If he is okay with you upgrading, then pay for the addition yourself.

Good luck and congratulations, nonetheless.

 

[starryeyed]

Oh you poor dear - I'm so sorry you were feeling badly, but I'm gald you are finding some peace. Please don't let the commercialism and materialism that has crept into "marriage" affect you.

The guy is the most important thing. Be happy knowing you have found Mr. Right. So many women are in abusive or empty relationships. You could have a 10-carat ring and have been proposed to on a private yacht in the Mediterranean, but if you are unhappy, all of that fluff is meaningless.

All of the advertisements and commercials in this world paint of picture of "perfect" that is often very far from reality. The proposal and the ring you received are perfect because they come from your perfect guy!

Love him with all of your heart.

 

[kennyg]

Aaaaaa - it''s very elegant and understated. That''s the best kind (in my opinion). I like that this guy took the chivalrous route and took ownership of getting the ring and surprising you, and I really like that he didn''t go beyond his means. His priorities are straight. Imagine if he sold everything he owned and stretched beyond his means with major debt etc. to buy you something he normally couldn''t afford. What if he did this because he felt the social pressure to do it and even wanted to show off a little? What''s that say about his priorities? What happens if you two face real problems, kids, bills, a mortgage, etc? I think the way you described what he did and the way you are proud of it now is a really good sign.

 

[V.LVIB]

Since you love him for who he is then you should love him for everything that he''s done good to you. A De Beers diamond is a beautiful diamond. Maybe your so rich since your a banker and you really wanted a bigger pricey rock. If I am your boyfriend reading this forum. I will never love you anymore. Since it will be obvious that you will not be happy when you don''t get what amount of wealth you think you deserve to have.
Love The Diamond For What It Is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkakA2slsrE

 

[V.LVIB]

Your like the woman from this video. Click the link below

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8vCOpzyIyM&feature=related

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/17/2007 12:35:00 AM
Author: V.LVIB
Since you love him for who he is then you should love him for everything that he's done good to you. A De Beers diamond is a beautiful diamond. Maybe your so rich since your a banker and you really wanted a bigger pricey rock. If I am your boyfriend reading this forum. I will never love you anymore. Since it will be obvious that you will not be happy when you don't get what amount of wealth you think you deserve to have.
Love The Diamond For What It Is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkakA2slsrE

For a first post on PS, that's really harsh. We are a kind and supportive forum here.

 

[honey22]

V.L VIB - way too harsh! The ladies here are incredibly supportive and sweet.We should all be comfortable here discussing our REAL feelings without fear of being trashed. Like my mother says - if you havn''t got anything nice to say...................

aaaaaaaaaa - your ring is gorgeous - try and enjoy this special time! We will never judge you, and are happy to see lots of photos of your new sparkly. Congrats on your engagement!!

 

[Mara]

VL...you won't be making too many friends around here with that kind of attitude and snap judgements on people.

welcome to the forum.

aaaaa...beautiful ring, it sure is sparkly. maybe not now... but if you still feel like the stone needs a boost at a later date, you can always halo it...a lot of gals have done that here in the past and it can almost double the size of the diamond from a visual perspective.

 

[V.LVIB]

Well, I''m very sorry for my comments. I didn''t mean it that way. I just said that I might have second thoughts of marrying someone who does not like the ring I gave her. It''s materialistic to be that way. I know someone who had a smaller diamond as her engagement ring but she was very proud of it and tell everyone how perfect it is. Even though she can afford to buy the most beautiful diamond in the whole wide world. For her, that ring was the most important bcoz it is given from her one and only true love.

Just like a pet. I have a cat. That cat was abandoned from her mother and I kept the cat and grew with me and treat me as his friend. The cat loves me and I loved him very much as well. The cat has fallen hair and baldy. I can afford to buy the most beautiful cat in town but I chose to be with that cat bcoz I could not buy a cat who loves me like him.

For me that cat is the most beautiful and most important cat in the whole wide world. More important than the most expensive breed of cats costing up to $20,000 or more. Why? Bcoz when you love a person, creature or a thing. That person, creature or thing will be the most beautiful and most important in your eyes, heart and mind.

That''s how I see my mother, my nanny, lola, father, siblings, friends and relatives and pets and thy neighbor.

So can you please support my good honesty?

But if she doesn''t like the ring. She should tell her boyfriend if she could return the ring and she can buy her own enagagement ring. I''m sure her bf will be ok with it.

 

[V.LVIB]

To SanDiegoLady. Girl you touched me with your answer and if this is a beauty pageant. You will be crowned most beautiful body, mind and soul in the in the whole wide world! Click below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7o-rMvI7qw&feature=related

 

[Carey]

**hugs**

TV and magazines, and even forums like this can lead you to believe that life is a certain, scripted way. BUT THIS IS NOT REALITY! My sweet man NEVER proposed (we just happily agreed that we needed to spend our lives together), we were never ''officially'' engaged, and I NEVER got an engagement ring! He was a student when we married, and we bought a car with what little money we could scrape together! It was over 20 years before he realized that I really longed for a ring, and now... 30 years and no ring because after all this time he wants to give me a ''significant'' one (so thank your stars at least you HAVE a sparkle on your finger to someday upgrade!). But even though I''m a diamond-aholic, I would not trade my life with this man for a 15 ct D, IF, ASG 000. He is my very best friend and the spark of my life. Someday, maybe, I''ll get a ring. But I have a ''true'' love, and the very best husband in the world. I hope you someday can think this, too.

And all you girls who ''need'' him to be on bended knee... while that''s incredibly romantic.... and very sweet if HE wants to do it... to require it or ''ask'' for it??????? Let''s turn off the TV''s and get on with a rich life!!!!

Congratulations on your engagement. May you grow in love for each other and look back on this time and smile, realizing what the true treasures in life are!

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 12/16/2007 10:53:29 PM
Author: aaaaaaaaa
Ok ... here it is ... it is pretty and delicate. Just had dinner with some of my female friends. I could tell some of them were looking closely (and most, if not all, have rings at least double the size of mine). It bothered me as I could see the quick flicker run over their face. I left feeling very strange - I think there is some social pressure amongst the women I know in terms of ring size and I wish I was not susceptible to it but I would be lying if I said I was not. I still felt a little twinge of embarassment and shame when I showed it to them but I bet that within 1 or 2 weeks I will be totally over it. It has been so much more fun telling some other friends who I am less close with as I feel less judged. My fiance is so proud and happy as well. I am happy too and so excited about our life together ... although I wish I did not buy into this weird ring size competitiveness (it is annoying me that I feel so self concious!).

As much as everyone is giving you great advice, I do see exactly where you are coming from. And in saying that,I will add that only you know the person you are dealing with as to his nature, personality and intensions. I find it hard to guess whether your partner is (1) a total romantic who wanted to surprise you or (2) someone who should have known better to do some homework but didnt ......or a million other sinareos. Only you know whether your relationship is built on real truth, or whether his feelings would be too hurt, or whether your feelings are just as valid in this situation???.

I personally wonder why he would think you would be happy with something like this if he knows you well. Like, if the situation was reversed and he was a banker, would you buy him a watch or car that was much cheaper than he would choose for himself and expect him to wear/ drive it just because that was what you could afford on your student budget?

That being said, I dont know if its worth ruining a relationship over either. As I mentioned, we do not know enough about your guy to know how he would react to knowing the truth about how you feel.

Maybe a solution of sorts if you feel you need some diamond `heavy weights`, is to indulge in some large studs. That way, you can flash the bling and keep the ring as is??? My sister has 4 c. tw of studs and a very ave. er and as an onlooker, its hard to get over the earrings to even notice the ring!

 

[Carey]

To Mara: I always enjoy your posts, as you are one of the funniest AND most level headed gals here, but you are WAY off the mark on the ''older'' ladies'' views of the 20 somethings'' expectations. When I was falling in love (ages and ages ago) I HUNGERED for a diamond. I dreamed of a 3/4 ct oval, set with thin baquettes in platinum. Even then, when I didn''t know anything about diamonds, I knew I wanted one! AND, though it never happened, I would have loved a romantic proposal. I watch my daughter (who''s 23) watching these reality shows, and I hope to God she''s not comparing herself or her relationships with those shows - they are absurd! And comparing yourself to anyone else is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Us older ladies say that you should concentrate on the relationship, not the ring because we''ve seen so many failures - people with extremely romantic proposals, and exquisite rings (and dream homes, and boats and cars) because they have all the THINGS but what''s IMPORTANT gets taken for granted. It happens. Life is not a smooth road for anybody, and you need to concentrate on building a firm foundation, because it WILL be tested.

So, many times, those who have been married a long time have a different view because they''ve been through the fire and have come through - it''s wonderful, and I wish it for all of you - there''s more ''shine'' to it than ear/arm/throat/finger bling, not that bling is a bad thing!

 

[tulip928]

Date: 12/17/2007 7:32:22 AM
Author: Carey
**hugs**

TV and magazines, and even forums like this can lead you to believe that life is a certain, scripted way. BUT THIS IS NOT REALITY! My sweet man NEVER proposed (we just happily agreed that we needed to spend our lives together), we were never ''officially'' engaged, and I NEVER got an engagement ring! He was a student when we married, and we bought a car with what little money we could scrape together! It was over 20 years before he realized that I really longed for a ring, and now... 30 years and no ring because after all this time he wants to give me a ''significant'' one (so thank your stars at least you HAVE a sparkle on your finger to someday upgrade!). But even though I''m a diamond-aholic, I would not trade my life with this man for a 15 ct D, IF, ASG 000. He is my very best friend and the spark of my life. Someday, maybe, I''ll get a ring. But I have a ''true'' love, and the very best husband in the world. I hope you someday can think this, too.

And all you girls who ''need'' him to be on bended knee... while that''s incredibly romantic.... and very sweet if HE wants to do it... to require it or ''ask'' for it??????? Let''s turn off the TV''s and get on with a rich life!!!!

Congratulations on your engagement. May you grow in love for each other and look back on this time and smile, realizing what the true treasures in life are!

Well said, Carey!

 

[gwendolyn]

...how did this end up in the LIW section?

ETA: Oh sorry, got so confused I forgot to say that I think your ring is GORGEOUS! Your hands and lovely and delicate and that ring honestly looks absolutely perfect on your hand! I love how elegant it looks, and that the focus is all on the quality of the stone. I can understand the feeling like it's a competition between your friends' rings and yours, but I think you're probably over the worst of it--it's that first time that's hardest, right? And now you've done it and you are still overall feeling really good about the ring and it really does look just gorgeous on you. Congratulations on your engagement again, and congrats and that beautiful ring!

 

[rainydaze]

OH aaaaaaaa, i think your ring is absolutely beautiful!! clearly that is one helluva diamond and the band is done so exquisitely. it suits your hand quite well too, as you appear to have slender fingers. pair that with a diamond wedding band and you will have yourself a stunning set! (though personally i would love the look of it with a thin - 2mm? - plain band!). sometimes i come on here and ogle the larger stones, but when a .5 or .75 comes on that is a stunning diamond in an elegant solitaire, i long for it. there is just something about a ring like yours, its beauty is simple, classic, and undeniable.

your diamond is truly a symbol of your FI''s love, there is no question in my mind after reading your posts that it came directly from his heart and he gave it with everything he had to give. if that is not good enough, i don''t know what is! i certainly hope you overcome your feelings of embarassment and shame, because i see nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of! if your closest friends cannot appreciate your FI and what he did for you then their influence is not a positive one and it might be time to surround yourself with some new karma!

 

[janinegirly]

hi, i didn't read all the replies (there are so many!) but i'm sorry that i can't sympathise. a proposal is about the man you love declaring his love and desire to spend the rest of his life with you. What's more romantic and perfect than that? It's not about how "perfect" the proposal is or how big the ring is. That is just so superficial to me...the only purpose of having those details be elaborate and how you 'dreamt' is so you can satisfy something inside or tell others about it!!

seriously, this guy loves you and went and bought what he could afford and he tried to make it perfect. this isn't a soap opera that's scripted to fulfill your needs! i can understand not liking the ring for whatever reason (except size!)..so just let the initial rush pass and then maybe you can discuss changing it a bit. i know my husband chose the ring without any input from me and I LOVE it for that reason. however he also encouraged me to change the setting if i didnt' like it for whatever reason. i never did, but he wouldn't have been offended. now if i had said, oh, can i get myself a bigger stone too?..geesh, i don't know, but it would never have come up. focus on what's important is my advice!

 

[mirre]

CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!!

I haven''t been able to read EVERY reply on this thread because it has gotten quite long. However I would like to comment.

Here are my thoughts on the proposal... he probably figured, "We''re going to be in this really nice restaurant, what better place!?" I''m sure he didn''t think or know that it would be jam-packed with people. I''m thinking that you said ya''ll hadn''t been there before so he may have thought it would be a private setting. Once he saw otherwise he still wanted to propose at that time.

Personally I do not like solitaires FOR ME. However, I do admire all the solitaires that I see on ladies... both here and in real life. They just look so classic and elegant and that you could do so much with them. Your fingers look like they would be able to pull off the eternity or half eternity band on each side of the solitaire. Then you''ll definately have more sparklies! It would be just lovely!

Also you kept saying that it isn''t the ring YOU wanted... just for reference... what ring would you have picked?

 

[emeraldlover1]

While the proposal may not have been the way you wanted or expected it to be, I think that it was very courageous of him. I''ve been trying to look at it from the prospective of surprise. After being with my boyfriend for almost 5 years I can tell you that at this point I don''t care when and where he does it and with what kind of ring. I think that maybe he thought that if he did it when you were out to dinner paying with a gift certificate that you wouldn''t expect it. I know that I wouldn''t have.

With regards to the ring, I think it is beautiful. I can understand where you are coming from if it isn''t your style, however it is truly a classic style. I''d take a look at the thread with the ugly rings and realize that it could be worse.

My boyfriend is a banker and I can tell you that I understand what it is like to be under pressure to compete with the likes of people in your line of work. A few years back I bought my boyfriend a Seiko watch for Christmas. It was all I could afford at the time. I know that he wanted something that represented more of what people expect of a banker but loved it because I got it for him. He wore it for years with pride. This year when he could finally had some expendable income to be able to afford a top of the line watch he bought it for himself and I didn''t feel bad at all. I don''t know how much, if any, it changed peoples (mostly prospective clients we are talking about here) opinions of him however he feels more confident in his business environment. Now, when we go out on the weekends and with friends he often wears the watch that I gave him. I don''t know why but there is a materialistic expectation of how a person in your line of work is expected to present themself. My boyfriend is one of the most non materialistc people that I know when it comes to his personal life. While I dream of a lavish engagement ring, I know what our financial status is in "real life" and I know that I have to have realistic expectations when it comes to my ring. While finances and wifes of the people he works with frequently sport 3 and 4 carat plus rings, I don''t work with them. I''ve made it clear that I do not expect or want something that it going to put us at a financial disadvantage in the long run. If it is important to him I told him to go with someone that has a good upgrade policy. I would love to say that what people think of him at work doesn''t matter but that just isn''t the case. I just wanted you to know that I understand to some degree where you are coming from. I still love your ring though.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 12/16/2007 10:53:29 PM
Author: aaaaaaaaa
Ok ... here it is ... it is pretty and delicate. Just had dinner with some of my female friends. I could tell some of them were looking closely (and most, if not all, have rings at least double the size of mine). It bothered me as I could see the quick flicker run over their face. I left feeling very strange - I think there is some social pressure amongst the women I know in terms of ring size and I wish I was not susceptible to it but I would be lying if I said I was not. I still felt a little twinge of embarassment and shame when I showed it to them but I bet that within 1 or 2 weeks I will be totally over it. It has been so much more fun telling some other friends who I am less close with as I feel less judged. My fiance is so proud and happy as well. I am happy too and so excited about our life together ... although I wish I did not buy into this weird ring size competitiveness (it is annoying me that I feel so self concious!).

aaaaaaaaa,

I have to second what the other ladies here have said. The ring looks fabulous on you! Please take your friends judgements with a grain of salt. So what if their rings are bigger, or if they have a bigger house, or car? I think we all have times when we look at other, and maybe we envy them for what they have... but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. If you have a good relationship, and this is the person you love, and he wants to marry you, then you have what many people can only dream about! Based what you said in your posts it''s clear to me that your ring came from love, and that''s what''s important.

People who are not happy for you, and are judging your and your FI based on the size of the ring he gave you reek of jealousy IMO, and I would hesitate to call those people friends

. A real friend will be happy and excited for you upon such a joyous occasion. If I were you I would share this time with people who love you and and happy that you''re happy!

Well, that''s the end of my rant, and GL... and CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement and lovely ring!