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Angela1977

Shiny_Rock
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Mar 3, 2006
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Guys, I''m having such a problem here, and I don''t know what to do. I got engaged on April 6, and received a perfect ring. I love it..he did an excellent job (.75 Asscher, Color E, Cut Excellent, etc on a perfect platinum setting). My best friend, for almost 20 years now (met in elementary school) got engaged about a week and a half later. They had been living together for 5 years, and I think he was feeling pressure since another good friend of ours got married last August, and he knew about my impending engagement. So I knew it was going to happen, was excited the whole week...
Then he gave her the ring. My friend knows NOTHING about diamonds or jewelry...just not her thing. However, I have learned quite a bit through the process of finding my ring. He bought it from an antique store, for about $1500 for the ring and the wedding band. The ring itself is white gold, not my taste, but definitely hers, and it looks very pretty on her. The problem I have is the stone. He''s telling her that it''s a very high quality diamond (good cut and color etc). Now I don''t know whether he''s lying to her, or he got incredibly duped, but ladies, this is nowhere close to a diamond. The stone is roughly 1ct, oval shaped, but it''s not a diamond. I''m not sure what it actually is, but it looks very similar to this...(the "clear" stone in the middle)...(BTW, this is a hideous pendant, I just wanted to find a pic of what it kind of looked like).

http://www.jegem.com/1/singleProduct.aspx?SRC=shopping&URL=13&KW=SingleProduct&SKU=AJP235947&r=shopping&BAL-shopping-1#large_photo

So here''s my dilemna...I don''t actually care whether it''s a diamond or ring from one of those machines at the front of Wal-Mart. The problem is that she is going around telling people what a big, well cut diamond her fiance gave her, and I don''t like her being humiliated like that. I would also feel badly for him if he paid $1500 for something that was actually a quartz or something semi-precious (or not precious at all). Should I say anything to her? If so, what and how? I cringe every time we''re around someone and she starts bragging about the "diamond" she got (not bragging in a bad way...you know, someone who is excited to have an ER). If this IS a diamond, it''s the cloudiest, most speckaled thing I''ve ever seen...She showed it to my mom the other day, and mom (who''s not really into jewelry either) said "that''s absolutely not a diamond...poor thing". I see people smiling and nodding at her, but I know what they''re thinking.

I''m the maid-of-honor at their wedding in July, so I don''t want to cause any bad blood. I just don''t like her being fooled, or THEM being fooled like that. Obviously there''s no paperwork to back this stone up...

So tell me...should I just drop it or should I say something? OR should I be sneaky about it, like take her to a jeweler so we can have our rings cleaned, and see what they say? Or tell her to get it appraised for insurance purposes? The truth would come out in either situation...

Thanks for your help!
 
There are many ways to find out without her maid of honor telling her.
 
I understand that. But I''m also wondering if we''re not supposed to be honest with our friends, especially our best friends.
As I said, I don''t give a rat''s behind what it is...I just don''t like her going around saying it to people who would NEVER bring it up to her, and then make comments behind her back.
 
I don''t know what you should do, but I don''t think you should be the one to tell her. Maybe send her to PS so she can get an education and realize it herself?


does anybody else think that pendant looks like a person? I liked it for a split second, then realized that the shape reminded me of a rather odd-shaped person. it would look ok if they took the bottom part off.
 
Aiigh. I think it''s too late to tell her. Me: loudmouth/foot-in-mouth type sometimes would have probably looked at the ring & said "That''s not a diamond" without even THINKING. And then have to clean up the mess, back-pedal etc.

If it''s THAT obvious - which looks PAINFULLY obvious by the pendant pix - she will find out. He''s to blame for the humiliation & I think it should stay that way. What a DOLT bragging about the "well cut big diamond" unless he really got tricked by a sleazy salesmen.

Here''s the thing - if she DOES find out, I doubt that will CONTINUE to be her e-ring, ''cause she''s gonna feel badly about it. If you ever overhear someone ELSE talking about it - you could mention THAT to her, as a friend/on-her-side?? Then take it as it comes ...

WOW == hard situation!
 
It is hard. I didn''t even care when I first saw it on Easter...I thought, "that''s a pretty ring for her!" But then they both started bragging it up, and it''s gotten to me a bit...I just don''t like to see people, especially her, looking like a fool when they don''t know any better...
 
Wow, that is a difficult situation!!!
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Is there any way you could ask her something innocuous like, "Do you know what kind of diamond that is?" which might prompt her into doing a little more research herself? Just sort of vaguely mentioning that it looks different from other diamonds you''ve seen, so maybe it''s a special type? I don''t think most people would be offended by something like that if you asked nicely and hopefully it would make her curious so she would take it to a jeweler or look up pics online or something...just a thought!

Also, how well do you know her fiance? There''s a big difference between him being duped by a salesguy and him trying to get away with lying to her.... If you think he really might have been duped, maybe you could talk to him (if you know him well enough) a little bit about it, and try to get a feel for what he thinks? I agree that it would be best for you to not go right in and say, "guess what, that''s not a diamond!" because you don''t want to get in the middle of it, but some friendly prompting her to think a little bit about it might be good....because if I were here I know I would feel even more humiliated if I found out that my best friend had known all along and not told me.... But at the same time, you don''t want to make her mad at you for pointing it out! Sorry you''re in such a tough place, I hope she figures it out soon!!!!!
 
If there is any possible way you can do it, I''d recommend you steer clear of it.
The ''look at my ring- look at my beautiful diamond'' talk should die down soon ... one hopes!

Realistically, it seems inevitable that she will find out. And when that happens, she will be very pissed. Let''s hope it isn''t the messenger who gets shot.
Better for her to be mad at him (after all, he gave her the ring).

Leave it between them.

I know, I know.. this might just be too hard to do, but I am afraid she''ll wind up mad at you.
 
OH NO!!! I''d never come outright and tell her "that''s not a diamond!!!" I guess I was just looking for ideas for gentle prompts, you know? (or if I should even do some gentle prompting) You guys have come up with some great ideas...keep ''em coming!
 
Date: 5/10/2006 12:38:34 PM
Author: dbgaap
If there is any possible way you can do it, I''d recommend you steer clear of it.
The ''look at my ring- look at my beautiful diamond'' talk should die down soon ... one hopes!

Realistically, it seems inevitable that she will find out. And when that happens, she will be very pissed. Let''s hope it isn''t the messenger who gets shot.
Better for her to be mad at him (after all, he gave her the ring).

Leave it between them.

I know, I know.. this might just be too hard to do, but I am afraid she''ll wind up mad at you.
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See that''s what I''m scared of but I would never come out and just say it or even question it outright. I know what sort of result that would procure, and I''m not interested.
 
I would personally not say anything....so what if she''s telling people. Most people don''t know that much about diamonds anyway...and if she did a bit of reserach she would find out herself.

If it were me, I wouldn''t want my best friend telling me. Now, if she approaches you on the subject I guess that is different.

That''s just me though...

M~
 
I responded before I saw the picture.

If it looks like that she probably knows.....I mean, the girl has seen other diamonds?

I still wouldn''t tell her at this point...someone else (other than her bride''s maid) probably will. It would be hard for you to find a way to tell her something without hurting her feelings...

M~
 
tough call, there was another gal on here who had a similar situation recently...dude gave her friend a 4c ''diamond'', she knew it was fakey, she didn''t say anything and in the end the couple ended up breaking up because the guy was an ass to begin with and turns out she didn''t even have to say anything to her friend, she figured it out and figured him out and it was done.

anyway, i said in that one that i would find a way to tell her, my recommendation was to take her and the diamond (and you and your diamond) into a jewelry store you trust/she knows of etc and get your rings cleaned. the jeweler would hopefully say it was not a real diamond and then you''d be off the hook.

but man think about the fallout in general. that poor girl. anyway, what about approaching HIM and saying look dude (i don''t know how close you are to him so maybe this is not feasible) i hang out on a diamond forum, i know what you gave her is not a diamond. it''s not right to pass something off that isn''t what you say it is, lying is never a good way to start off a relationship. either you tell her that it''s not real or i will find a way to. (and then wax on about how you understand that he probably just wanted to make her happy but it''s not right to lie and esp if she is going around telling people this and others could think she is lying etc)...if the guy is not an ass and just had misplaced godknowswhat and wanted to make her happy, then maybe he would consider being honest with her?

at this point it''s all speculation. you know them, you know their relationship, you know potential reasons for why he''d do something like this, so good luck with figuring it out. some may say don''t say a tthing, but it''s very hard for me to just stand back when i know something is WRONG like that. so i''d try to figure a way to get her educated without too much of the ''shoot the messenger'' falling on you. good luck!
 
hehehe I like Mara''s approach on talking to her FI. It might be a little confrontational though.

I think the trip to get the rings clean is a great idea!.

M~
 
Date: 5/10/2006 1:40:08 PM
Author: Mandarine
hehehe I like Mara's approach on talking to her FI. It might be a little confrontational though.

I think the trip to get the rings clean is a great idea!.

M~
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yeah the talking to the BF (i would hope it's not 'confrontational' though)...could go either way. that's why i said how well do you know him or are you friendly with him. in the old scenario from previously, the gal friend hated her friend's fiance and i think he knew it and he sounded like an ass anyway, so doing that would not have gotten her anywhere anyway. but if the guy has a good heart, they are all friends/close and she approaches him and is like hey buddy what were you thinking, you have to make this right, and he is bound to LISTEN to her, then maybe it could be worked out to where he comes clean.

or maybe not!!! then it's off to the jeweler for a cleaning.
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ETA just had a random thought but angela you mention that he got the ring from an antique store, maybe he doesn't even know it's fake????
 
A relationship is between TWO people.

If it fails or suceeds..it''s down to the two people involved.

Do not get involved with other peoples'' relationships. People can live with ''their own mistakes'' but it is much harder when someone else make the decision for you.

right?
 
Mandarine, I honestly DON''T think she knows what a real diamond looks like. I think she thinks there are different "types" out there, and this is just a different one. We even took a picture of our rings together the night she got it, since I''d just gotten engaged, and we compared a little bit, but I honestly don''t think she had a clue. (she''s very sweet, but sometimes not the quickest on the draw, especially when it comes to stuff like this...she''s got no clue...that''s part of what''s killing me).

I couldn''t approach the fiance. I know him very well, but he''s one of these guys with a complete Nepolean complex...a little shorter than most, so he makes up for it by being loud and a little prideful (I like him, but I just don''t think it would go over well).

I think the cleaning idea is good...I had thought of that several times. Like I said...what is bothering me is that he''s either outright lying to her (I mean, a 1-ct oval plus the wedding band for $1500?? come on...), or he really has absolutely no clue. It''s just tough to see them gushing about it, when I can see the faces of the people trying to feign enthusiasm.
 
ok well I have had a similar situation. Here is how ot handle it. Take her to go get her ring appraised. Tell her it is for insurance purposes. They will break the news to her, and you can actually find out what the stone is. Taking her to a jewelry store is an ok idea, but probably not the best if she is the type to make a scene. You should not tell her. It could be a bad deal.

hope that helps!

Alexis
 
Oh, there's a definite possibility that he doesn't know that it's not a real diamond. I don't know what the situation is...whether they BOTH don't know, or whether he's tricking her.
I just know that he would be pissed to find out that he spent that money and didn't get a diamond. Granted he should've done some research as to how much something like that would cost, but that's hindsight...and he's a "guy's guy"...very take charge, didn't ask what she'd like...proposed on Easter and wanted to get married in June (had it all planned before he even proposed), just run off and "do it", and got incredibly angry when she said she wanted a WEDDING with her family there. Would be a bit scary to approach him, but I think he'd feel some incredible indignation and take the ring back with guns blazing! If he did indeed not know and was lied to himself.
 
I know others have vaguely hinted at this, but let''s bring out another (albeit somewhat unlikely) possibility.

Maybe she knows. Maybe she is completely aware that the stone is a quartz/CS/white sapphire, whatever. Maybe she figures that if she *tells* everyone what a unique and well-cut stone that it is, that everyone will believe her (because who would really have the guts to look at her and say, "um, no, actually, it''s really ugly and it''s fake to boot). Maybe she herself can''t really tell that it''s not a diamond, even if she knows, and so figures no one else will know the difference anyway, especially if she tells them how nice it is. (So perhaps she thinks people will just think it''s some cut they''ve never seen.)

Sometimes people will pass off things that are cheap or fake by saying what an expensive or rare item they are; since no one wants to show their ignorance of said expensive or rare item, they just go along with it. And that doesn''t mean your friend has any bad intentions, but perhaps if she can''t tell the difference she doesn''t think anyone else will. Perhaps she knows and is embarrassed so has decided to make up for it by saying how nice it is.

None of these things are wrong, per se, just other possibilities that maybe aren''t "eye-clean".
 
i just looked at that picture and WOAH that is an odd looking center stone!!! it looks like it''s got silver paper in it or something, can''t believe someone trying to say that is a diamond???
 
I just had a quick squizz at the link - the only thing I can think of is IF it is a diamond that it is one of those that is so badly cut and full of dark inclusions like an industrial diamond...but I am betting it isn''t.
 
Tough situation, but she deserves to know the truth. There''s probably an indirect way to do this. Ask her if she has had the ring appraised for insurance. Tell her that such a nice ring really ought to be insured and finding a good, independent appraiser is the first step. You might even provide an appraiser''s name and phone number.
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Does the phrase 'frozen spit' come to mind?
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I hate to say it, but it probably is a diamond. Let's face it just about any simulant would look better than what you're discribing other than old glass with silver foil behind it.
I never would have believe how dreadful a diamond could look until some newbie guy wandered on PS asking if this site carrying I2-3's was a good deal!
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It's horrifying how guys can get ripped off from people like this! The site went on and on about ideal cuts and how important cut was, and never gave any information on cut for their diamond. Basically the site talked about one level of quality in diamonds and then sold something totally different. (not that they ever claimed it was the same, it was just something a newbie would assume from proximity!)
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Anyway, point being. Unless there was a good return policy and they're still in the window (which I kinda doubt), I'd leave well enough alone. She's happy now, so why burst her bubble? Let someone else do it.
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And try not to roll your eyes too much!
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ETA: oh yeah, the best way is to suggest an appraiser for insurance. You can tell her some of the horror stories from PS about rings getting crushed and broken.
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It''s too ugly NOT to say SOMETHING!!!!!
 
Maybe you could help her shop for wedding bands in a jewelry store. I''m sure a jeweler would be able to set her straight when she''s trying on bands next to her diamond.

Part of me thinks it may be a real diamond - just badly cut & industrial grade. Some stuff I see in jewelry should really be ground down and used in manufacturing/cutting down other diamonds. But to each his/her own!
 
What a mess!! Honestly, if the stone really resembles that link you posted then it''s either a really included, poorly cut, practically still-ROUGH diamond, or quartz or whatever.

But really? The bigger red flag that went up for me was your other characterization of your friend''s FI. He sounds like a macho control freak--got ANGRY that he couldn''t railroad her into a quickie non-wedding in 2 months without her family present??! Yikes. The stone may be the least of her problems. It''s possible he is clueless and doesn''t know--I mean, it wouldn''t be the first time a poorly cut "ugly" stone was in an antique setting. (And $1500 is a lot for 2 white gold bands, but it''s not like they''re sterling....is it?) But maybe he''s a bigger problem than the stone.

I don''t know. I''d say the apprasier trip is probably the way to go.
 
Date: 5/10/2006 5:13:25 PM
Author: Julian
Maybe you could help her shop for wedding bands in a jewelry store. I''m sure a jeweler would be able to set her straight when she''s trying on bands next to her diamond.
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Can''t do this...The $1500 included the wedding band too. So they''ve got that.

He''s not a bad guy, per se. Just wanted to get it done without consulting her...I thought that sucked too, and it''s been stressful ever since the engagement, but he is stepping up and helping out. At least she''s got that. And truthfully she needs a little prodding, because she can get overly stressed and give up (get lazy) at times..
 
I agree with Blueroses that the guy sounds like a potentially bigger problem than the ''diamond.'' That being said, my opinion is that if this is your best friend and you think it''s in her best interest to know what she''s wearing, encourage her to get the ring appraised. It''s a logical suggestion, since you never know what could happen (robbery, loss, damage, etc.) With all your posts I feel like you''re dying to clue her in to protect her, so I think that''s maybe what you should do...indirectly of course. Good luck and keep us posted!
 
I would personally not get involved, because it is really not anyone''s business besides the couple involved. If you really feel like you have to tell her, which it sounds like you do, make sure you do it in a way which does not cause a problem for her and her fiance. You definitely don''t want to get in the middle of anything between the two of them. Just my opinion.
 
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