Family Drama - need help desperately

[rhbgirl24]

I''m sorry you have to go through this. But it does seem she is manipulating you. To make it about her and draw attention to her. IMO, I wouldn''t be able to NOT have my sister at my wedding, however, I think maybe it would benefit you and her to sit down and talk to her. Try not to get mad, or upset, just talk, just you and her. Maybe you can get to the bottom of this before it gets worse!

Good luck!

 

[galvana]

sorry guys, this is really getting to me, i am ready to cry or kill someone. i dont know what to do.
i will get online again tomorrow and chat more, i need a break tonight.

 

[Squirrly]

hugs! i hope all goes well

 

[AdiS]

Date: 6/15/2009 1:44:50 PM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
The only person I can think of to talk to her is my FI.
My moh already tried at the bparty and you can see it didn''t go well.
Sadly our mom past when sister was 6 yrs old. I was 17 so have been the older adult figure in her life. There is gram too but she is 85 at this point and like i said earlier ''doesn''t like to stir the pot'' so to speak.

You know, this may sound silly, but is it possible that she''s acting this way because maybe she thinks she''s losing you in a way? Yes, she''s supposed to be a grown up and think and act like one, she likes your FI and you two live in different towns and all, but maybe the thought of you getting married is actually upsetting her on an unconscious level? My baby brother (who was almost 20 when I got married btw) seemed to waver between happiness and melancholy the whole day of my wedding. Then he got a little drunk at the reception and started shouting congratulations (slurring the words

lol) I got irritated at first but when I asked him to behave himself, he answered "That''s my sis''s wedding and I''m allowed to drink if I want to! She''s the most beautiful bride but she''s also my sis, you know? My sis''s getting married, for %$#@" Ok, it was nice and I got all teary, despite the swearing.

What I''m trying to say is, maybe your sister is trying to tell you the same, though she''s going much too far? I''d never have guessed that my brother, who''s such a manly man and never lets his emotions show, feels the way he did. Maybe your sister''s obnoxious behaviour hides the same irrational fear of abandonment and she just wants to hear that you''re "still her sis"?

I''m absolutely not defending her, because you''ve been much too nice to her already and you definitely don''t have to deal with her childish outbursts right now. Just trying to give you another possible explanation. Whatever it is, just don''t let it ruin this happy time for you!

 

[galvana]

Thanks all for the thoughts and advice, keep it coming, im open to everything eveyone has to say.
I still have not done anything and am not 100% sure on what I will do.

Sister has been negative for years. the story is so long. Actually there are two sisters, they are 14 months apart. We''ll call them Angry Sister and Happy Sister.
because that is exactly what they are. Angry sister is who i have been talking about - she and Happy siste grew up together, i moved out when they were 6 and 7, this was also the time our mom died, they moved in with their dad and i was on my own. When they hit 13 and 14, angry sister decided she hated happy sister.
It got so bad that when i would visit them (which was every weekend) i had to visit them seperately cuz she hated her so much.
Her anger got so bad that when i would hang out with angry sister, i could not even mention happy sisters name, cuz she would say "i f*ing hate happy sister, i dont want to talk about her" - of course i would try to say but honey, i love her and i love you and you are both my sisters and it hurts me to have you say bad things about "happy sister".

so - nothing got better, she was still angry and negative. she never speaks to happy sister and speaks to me but i often feel she doesn''t like me. I refuse to give up so always call and do all the things i told you before.

I guess my point is she has always been angry and negative and miserable. Up until now though we always tip toe around her cuz no one wants to make her mad.
and im FINALLY done. im numb, im on E. im empty and done trying.
Its very very sad really as she desperately needs counseling, therapy, help! but she wont go. wont take it. I even tried to tell her that after mom died i went to counseling for a few yrs and it helped me a great deal, but she wont hear of it.
so now......................its my wedding and since i first got engaged she has been so negative and its reached its breaking point.

FI even knows how negative she is and how im ALWAYS trying to make her feel special and important. he even took her out FIRST - before anyone else, when he got my ering, and he asked for her blessing to proprose to me. FIRST to make her feel imporant. He then took out my gram and happy sister the next day and asked the same, but wanted to make angry sister feel important. Nothing we do it good enough. and i hate to say it but i just dont like her at all anymore.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Just because she''s your sister doesn''t mean you have to like her or even love her. Maybe what she needs is some tough love at this point. Don''t uninvite her, but don''t pander to her and don''t pay attention to her or anything she does on the day of. If she misbehaves, let her make an ass of herself and then cut ties entirely. Don''t start a discussion with her about doing it, don''t threaten her with it, just do it. Eventually she''ll see that she drove people away and she''ll shape up and come back.

I''m so so sorry you''re dealing with this. I know you don''t have it easy right now and I think you''re really holding up well and managing this with a great deal of grace and dignity. **hugs**

 

[galvana]

Thanks HH
Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.

I call her and say
sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know
that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.
so youhave two choices:
If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.
I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.
If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand.

and I''ll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP"s were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!

any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/15/2009 12:10:34 PM
Author: NakedFinger
She seems crazy immature for a 22 year old. But this is coming from someone who had a serious relationship, career and a house before their 21st b-day, so maybe I am a little ''off'' on what a 22 year is supposed to act like! LOL

Gotta ditto that..from a 22-year old. I don''t know ANY 22 year old''s that act this way (and this includes even the post-college wild-partying frat and sorority crowd).

 

[galvana]

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Thanks HH
Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.

I call her and say
sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know
that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.
so youhave two choices:
If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.
I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.
If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand.

and I''ll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP''s were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!

any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

sorry to bring this back to the top but i wanted to know what you think of my latest plan , above.
is it good? too nice? too mean? I need to get this out soon - its consuming me, its all im thinking about and its making me literally sick. the wedding is in 25 days and im miserable.
Funny, FI says just take a break and dont think about it for a few days, but i can''t do that until this is done. ughhhhhhhh.
i really just want to say dont come. but thats mean.

 

[Luckyeshe]

I

Date: 6/16/2009 11:40:37 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Thanks HH
Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.

I call her and say
sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know
that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.
so youhave two choices:
If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.
I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.
If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand.

and I''ll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP''s were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!

any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

sorry to bring this back to the top but i wanted to know what you think of my latest plan , above.
is it good? too nice? too mean? I need to get this out soon - its consuming me, its all im thinking about and its making me literally sick. the wedding is in 25 days and im miserable.
Funny, FI says just take a break and dont think about it for a few days, but i can''t do that until this is done. ughhhhhhhh.
i really just want to say dont come. but thats mean.

Personally, I think this is a good plan. You''re not trying to exclude her and you''re letting her make up her own mind what is more important, to be supportive of your wedding, or not. You have to be prepared though that she won''t act kindly to your words because it appears to me that she''s quite immature and will take it as a personal offense. There may be some major drama, and she may even say that she no longer wants anything to do with you. I know you''re already there when it comes to her but just be prepared. I think it''s time for some tough love as the other ladies have suggested. You''ve been dealing with her outburst and immaturity with patience and grace but your wedding is an important day and it''ll only happen once. She''ll be your sister forever.

Good luck.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Thanks HH
Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.

I call her and say
sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know
that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.
so youhave two choices:
If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.
I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.
If you decide not to come, i'll miss you but i'll still love you and understand.

and I'll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP's were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!

any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

This is right on the mark! You are standing up for yourself and no longer allowing yourself to be emotionally abused by Sister. I'm so proud that you have found the strength to handle this problem

This is called empowerment and you are rocking it, my dear!

 

[galvana]

forgive me but here i go again...........you dont think this is too mean?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 6/16/2009 11:40:37 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM

Author: iloveprincesscuts

Thanks HH

Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.


I call her and say

sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know

that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.

so youhave two choices:

If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.

I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.

If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand.


and I''ll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP''s were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!



any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

sorry to bring this back to the top but i wanted to know what you think of my latest plan , above.

is it good? too nice? too mean? I need to get this out soon - its consuming me, its all im thinking about and its making me literally sick. the wedding is in 25 days and im miserable.

Funny, FI says just take a break and dont think about it for a few days, but i can''t do that until this is done. ughhhhhhhh.

i really just want to say dont come. but thats mean.

So sorry I''m late in responding, I''ve been stuck in meetings all day. How dare work get in the way of my life on PS!!!

I like what you have here but I would remove the line:

i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception,

I just think she''ll see this as you harping on her (by pointing out a specific example) and she''ll get hung up on it and not be willing to hear anything else you have to say. I would just leave it as:

i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.

so you have two choices:

If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.

I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.

If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand. Either way, please send me your RSVP card or let me know by XX date.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 6/16/2009 2:27:24 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM

Author: iloveprincesscuts

Thanks HH

Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.


I call her and say

sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding, you have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, - i have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know

that I want you at the wedding but if you can not act like an adult, i think it will be best for both of us if you do not come to the wedding at all - you will be missed but i think it may be best.

so youhave two choices:

If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. So i suggest you do not drink and act like a grown up.

I wanted to let you know this beforehand so you can decide now what you think the best decision is as Im sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram.

If you decide not to come, i''ll miss you but i''ll still love you and understand.


and I''ll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP''s were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!



any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

This is right on the mark! You are standing up for yourself and no longer allowing yourself to be emotionally abused by Sister. I''m so proud that you have found the strength to handle this problem

This is called empowerment and you are rocking it, my dear!

Ditto. And no, you''re not being mean. The point of tough love is the tough part. You might be hurt and you might hurt them in the process, but it''s for their own good. If she behaves this way in the rest of her personal or professional life then she will never succeed. Part of the reason you (and she) are in this situation is because she''s been coddled (not by you necessarily) and no one has ever put their foot down and SHOWN her what is acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior. She needs to...wait for it ladies....PUT HER BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND GROW UP!!!

 

[risingsun]

Date: 6/16/2009 2:40:23 PM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
forgive me but here i go again...........you dont think this is too mean?

I do not think it is mean. You are bringing up the topic, which was started by Sister: I hate weddings. You are attempting to set limits and boundaries using assertive speech. Let me grab your other quote...be right back. Do remember, regardless of what you say, don''t expect her to be mature, remorseful or caring. You are doing this for your own peace of mind and to be heard. You cannot control the other''s person''s response. Place a reasonable time limit on the conversation, maybe 20-30 minutes, at most. If she becomes nasty, walk away immediately.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 6/16/2009 9:18:20 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Thanks HH
Each time i think about it I come up with a new plan of action. Here is my latest.

I would call her and say:
Sister, i wanted to talk to you about the wedding. You have made is extremely clear to everyone over the past several months that you hate weddings and mine is no exception, I have been thinking about what happened this weekend and i want you to know how I feel. I become very upset and stressed when you drink, are vulgar and cannot act like an adult. If you can act appropriately, I would love for you to attend my wedding. If you cannot be responsible for your actions, however, I think it will be best for both of us if you do attend. You will be missed, but I won't risk having a behavioral problem or argument at the wedding.

I have some options for you to think about:

If you do want to come, please know that I have already spoken to some people and if you start to act inappropriately, you will be escorted out. I am asking you not to drink and show respect for yourself and others.
I wanted to let you know this beforehand, so you can make the best possible choice. I'm sure you dont want to get escorted out as this will only upset gram and the rest of the family.
If you decide not to come, I will miss you but I'll still love you and understand.

and I'll have her decide right then on the phone as our RSVP's were due this past weekend and she never sent hers in!

any thoughts???? too harsh? lol

I reworked your response a little bit to use more assertive speech. That has the potential to regulate a potentially volatile interaction. Of course, express yourself in a way that feels comfortable to you and practice in advance. I sometimes have my clients write what they want to say on index cards and let the other party know that there is something that they need to hear. Then make the request that the other person just listen, while you read what you need to say. You can give her a chance to respond, unless she becomes abusive. If that happens, the conversation is over and you walk away. HTH.

 

[galvana]

Thanks RS, HH and everyone
I have printed out this last "script" for when I call her. Unfortunately this needs to be done over the phone.

My only other option is for FI to call her and say the same thing more or less.

Do you think I should call or maybe it would be better coming from FI as he will say it firmly but without harsh "tone" .
im so angry at this point i dont think i can be nice AT ALL.

 

[JSM]

First, I want to say sorry that you are dealing with this!

I have a sister who is not this bad, not nearly, but she does make trouble sometimes. Approaching someone like this, I think, will give her the opportunity to act like a victim. She can cry and bemoan the fact that ''you don''t like her'', ''you don''t want her there'' ''you don''t understand or appreciate her'', etc. This is what she wants.

If you think you''ll want your sister there, asking her to ''behave'' will take the chance of making her act out more. I think you might want to consider just ignoring her and not giving her the chance to be the center of attention.

But this is just my point of view, and may not work because I of course don''t know you or your family. I wish you luck!

 

[galvana]

I think the sadest part of this whole thing is................................I honestly dont want her there.
I know this sounds harsh and terribly mean of me to say about my own sister. but she has been doing this to me for yrs.
I know some say i''ll regret it later and some say it may push her over the edge, but its how i feel.

I dont think i could do it (tell her not to come) as i know that would really hurt my gram but i honestly want to tell her not to come.
i would rather know that she wont be there and that i dont have to worry.

im out of effort for her, im empty. Did i tell you all that she hates my other sister (the one that is 14 months older than her - angry sis is 22 and nice sis is 24)
well, when nice sis was 16 she was in a horrible car accident and was brought by helicopter to the nearest trauma center. i got the call first and was the first to arrive at the hospital.
i called angry sister to notify her and her dad, their dad wasn''t home so i talked to angry sister. i was crying my eyes out and could barely speak, but i got the words out that nice sister was just brought by helicopter to hospital and she''s in the trauma room
and angry sister said to me "well i dont care, i hate angry sister" - this killed me, for 1000 reasons.

so yeah, im done. i dont like her. and im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close to just telling her not to come.

 

[mrm]

My only other option is for FI to call her and say the same thing more or less.

Do you think I should call or maybe it would be better coming from FI as he will say it firmly but without harsh "tone" .
im so angry at this point i dont think i can be nice AT ALL.



I think having your FI call her may be a good idea. There is so much emotion between sisters that she may be more open to a rational discussion with a third party. Whereas if you call, she may be more prone to flip out and not hear what you are saying.

 

[LilyKat]

What does your fiance think about her coming to the wedding?

If you both don't want her there, and it's causing you this much stress, perhaps it would be best for him to just give her a call and ask her not to come. The more background you give about her, the less inclined I am to think she will have anything but a really bad influence on your day. The comment about your sister after the car accident? Sheesh. Serious nastiness.

Your grandmother ought to care about your happiness as much as your sister's. More, because it's your wedding day. Don't ruin it to please other people, who may end up upset anyway if she acts badly.

 

[galvana]

Spoke to FI, gave him the script of what I was going to say. ............ I asked him to call her -
He is going to. I told him to keep in mind that, at this point, I honestly dont care if she doesn''t come, so if she''s a jerk to him or gets angry, he
doesn''t have to "try" to keep it nice for my sake.

He will tell her flat out like it is and wont get emotionally charged like I would have.

Thank god for him, now this is off my shoulders. Now I just wait.................we all wait.

I will keep you all posted and thank you all for being my counselors.

I value each and everyone one of you -

 

[Squirrly]

hugs! glad the weight is being lifted, and i hope that you''ll be back to enjoying the pre-wedding time you have left soon!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''m glad you''re feeling better hun. I hope FI comes through for you and talks some sense into her.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 6/17/2009 1:18:37 PM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Spoke to FI, gave him the script of what I was going to say. ............ I asked him to call her -

He is going to. I told him to keep in mind that, at this point, I honestly dont care if she doesn''t come, so if she''s a jerk to him or gets angry, he

doesn''t have to ''try'' to keep it nice for my sake.


He will tell her flat out like it is and wont get emotionally charged like I would have.


Thank god for him, now this is off my shoulders. Now I just wait.................we all wait.

I will keep you all posted and thank you all for being my counselors.


I value each and everyone one of you -

I think this was the best thing you could have done, for exactly the reason you mentioned. You are handling this well. I know it''s hard, but keep trying to focus on the positive aspects of your wedding. We''re all here for you.

 

[CNYHopeful]

Keep us posted. I''ll be thinking of you. Keep your head high and how wonderful your FI is so supportive!

 

[galvana]

ok FI talked to angry sister. He left her a voicemail and she just called him back, he started off by saying "what is going on with you and your sister"
she proceeded to tell "her" side of the story which is that she only burped once at bparty and we "all turned on her". We just dont love her as she is and we all ganged up on her.
He said "well there are always two sides to every story" = she then said " you know iloveprincesscuts said she is always trying with me " - i dont understand why she is always trying to change me and why she just can''t love me as i am.
She then said then no one called her when she left and no one called her the next morning to make sure she was ok. and that is really messed up.
He said ok...........then he said so what do are want to do about the wedding? and she said, im not going = i have no interest in going. im all set and im done.
People can''t just love me as i am and im done.
I''ll send in my response card saying im not coming and he said well ok, im sorry you feel that way and hopefully you guys will work this out in the future....she said, ehh whatever.
he said ok take care of yourself and she said whatever.
and they hung up.

im devastated, i guess i never thought she would decide not to go like this. I thought MAYBE she might say she didn''t want to come AFTER he told her she would need to behave, but it didn''t even come to that.

im so hurt. i feel like im going to throw up - this is so final to me. i always felt like everytime i reached out to her or tried with her that she (didn''t like me) and i guess this is her way of showing it.
this is the first time anyone has ever ever called her on her negative behavior and i can''t believe it ended like this.....................

any therapists on here to send me some words of whisdom, the wedding is in 24 days and im so not ok.

 

[Squirrly]

oh i''m sorry it turned out that way!
unfortunately it sounds as if she''s dead set on pushing everyone away, and until she decides for herself that she wants to figure out why she''s doing this, or if something happens and she''s forced into seeing a therapist (if she smarts off to someone in her job and the tell her she has to go to counseling) there''s not much you can really do.
if it helps at all, i''m only a year older than she is and i could never imagine treating people this way. i know everyone has times where they are in a funk and feel like they''re the victim, but it just seems like she''s built her life around being the victim and that''s just how she''s going to see the world until somehow something causes that to change.
you''ve done what you can for her, and as much as it sucks, right now you''ll just have to let her go her own way and learn things for herself. she might have to learn the hard way, but sometimes there''s no better way to be taught.

hugs and as much as this sucks, at least now you can relax about your wedding will go. she''s an adult, whether or not she acts like one. you two have the rest of your lives to reconnect after she decides she wants to. the next 20 days are the last ones you have leading up to your wedding and that''s not something you''re going to live through again, so i hope you can rest and relax and put this out of your mind til later.

 

[galvana]

Thanks Squirly and another update.

As many of you probably guessed one of my biggest concerns is my gram and family and gram getting upset.
I spoke to her last night and angry sister actually called her the morning after the bparty to tell her "her" side of the story. which consisted of,
"I burped once at the house and everyone ganged up on me, i got so upset i had to leave, and im so hurt im not going to the wedding"
shockingly my gram just said ok you dont have to go (i think she was so find w/it cuz she knows angry sister can be difficult.)

well i explained what actually happened and gram was mortified. very upset and told me we should have kicked her out at the restaurant, she also told me not to invite her around anymore if this is how she acts, she said she is 22 and an adult and if she wants to act this way then fine, she can do it with her friends who accept it.

so gram is 100% on board that she should NOT come to the wedding if this is how she acts. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relieved that this is how she feels and that she is not upset at all ! yay!

its still sad for me that my sister is this messed up but im not going to let her have this power over me any more.
its over and im done. i am going to have a happy wedding - whewww!

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 6/18/2009 7:52:19 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Thanks Squirly and another update.


As many of you probably guessed one of my biggest concerns is my gram and family and gram getting upset.

I spoke to her last night and angry sister actually called her the morning after the bparty to tell her ''her'' side of the story. which consisted of,

''I burped once at the house and everyone ganged up on me, i got so upset i had to leave, and im so hurt im not going to the wedding''

shockingly my gram just said ok you dont have to go (i think she was so find w/it cuz she knows angry sister can be difficult.)


well i explained what actually happened and gram was mortified. very upset and told me we should have kicked her out at the restaurant, she also told me not to invite her around anymore if this is how she acts, she said she is 22 and an adult and if she wants to act this way then fine, she can do it with her friends who accept it.


so gram is 100% on board that she should NOT come to the wedding if this is how she acts. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relieved that this is how she feels and that she is not upset at all ! yay!


its still sad for me that my sister is this messed up but im not going to let her have this power over me any more.

its over and im done. i am going to have a happy wedding - whewww!

I''m really glad it worked out, as much as it can be at this stage. At least you don''t need to worry about your wedding being disrupted.

You asked for words of advice for times when it feels tough, so here goes:

- just remember, it''s not the end. So she''ll miss your wedding day, but it IS just a day. There will be a whole lifetime with her after that to get her the help she needs and repair your relationship when she''s ready to.
- you have the support of your family, who know her and you, even the ones you thought would never agree to her not coming. You are doing the right thing.
- remember how your fiance stood up for you in a difficult time. That in itself speaks a huge amount for the strength of your and his relationship.

Hugs and stay positive.