Feeling overhwhelmed, need perspective

[aussiegirl23]

Galateia,

So sorry to hear about immigration costs : ( Asking for money from one''s parents (or anyone) is not an easy thing to do.

One thought I had is that if your FF was saving money for an e-ring, that money could go towards immigration costs. Find an inexpensive "place-holder" and end up borrowing less from your parents. I know it''s not the most romantic thing, but maybe the most practical for now? Also, have you both looked at your budgets and tried to calculate how much money you will be saving in the end if you''re sharing rent instead of paying for two places? That''s one area you will be happily surpised about I''m guessing...

It sounds like you''re pretty dead-set on moving down to Texas. So as yucky as it sounds, bite the bullet and get your parents involved if you must. Money can always be re-paid - love cannot always be re-found.

Just my opinion,

Aussiegirl : p

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/11/2006 10:59:28 AM
Author: aussiegirl23
Galateia,


So sorry to hear about immigration costs : ( Asking for money from one''s parents (or anyone) is not an easy thing to do.


One thought I had is that if your FF was saving money for an e-ring, that money could go towards immigration costs. Find an inexpensive ''place-holder'' and end up borrowing less from your parents. I know it''s not the most romantic thing, but maybe the most practical for now? Also, have you both looked at your budgets and tried to calculate how much money you will be saving in the end if you''re sharing rent instead of paying for two places? That''s one area you will be happily surpised about I''m guessing...


It sounds like you''re pretty dead-set on moving down to Texas. So as yucky as it sounds, bite the bullet and get your parents involved if you must. Money can always be re-paid - love cannot always be re-found.


Just my opinion,


Aussiegirl : p

What a wonderful quote... thank you. I get incredulous looks from people all the time, including one of my bosses yesterday, who said "Why did you choose such a difficult situation? Why didn''t you fall in love with someone local?" as if I could have found Mr. Right in my backyard but just wanted a more complicated life.

I''m a little confused what you mean about sharing rent... do you mean when I join him in Texas? How will that affect our finances now--Do you mean he can budget for shared rent later, and have more money now? I apologize if I''m a little scatterbrained... the last few days have been hell. He left on Sunday, and I found out about some whopping extra costs that I wasn''t anticipating yesterday.

My mother is a wonderful, generous woman who I would have no problem borrowing money from, if she could spare any. But she can''t. I haven''t spoken to my father in 13 years.

So we''ll be going to his parents. I hope. They may very well freak when he tells them our plans. He''s going to see them today, so we''ll see how that all pans out.

My FF hasn''t been saving up for a ring (he doesn''t have any money to save up, being a student) and ironically we were originally planning on getting a placeholder ring to begin with, a simple solitaire setting in white gold with an asha the size of the diamond I''d like. Then, when we could afford it, we''d swap out the asha for a diamond. But even that would have cost us a couple hundred, and we just can''t afford it.

I hate being so poor. Money isn''t everything, not by a long shot, but being in dire straits all the time can really steal a person''s joy sometimes.

All you need is love, but what if you need a couple grand to make it happen?

 

[LizzieC]

Oh my... do you know that Lubbock is probably the most conservative city in the most conservative state in the US? Have you visited there? Has BF spent much time there?

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/17/2006 12:45:17 AM
Author: LizzieC
Oh my... do you know that Lubbock is probably the most conservative city in the most conservative state in the US? Have you visited there? Has BF spent much time there?

No, he hasn''t. Just to do his interview. He''s been told there is a jazz club there, and has said that pyschologists tend to be a very liberal bunch, so we should be ok... I took his word for it.

How bad are we talking here?

 

[LizzieC]

Okay, so I decided to try to do a little bit of research to back up my statement... and I stand corrected... according to at least one study, Lubbock is the 2nd most conservative city in the U.S. ... behind Provo, UT... which is like 90% Mormon...

http://www.govpro.com/ASP/ViewArticle.asp?strArticleId=106124

Now I''m not knocking Lubbock here, it''s a very nice town, great place to raise a family, very friendly people, easy to navigate, great schools, low crime, excellent BBQ...

BUT, it''s not for everyone, and given the little I know about you... I''d say it''s a very very very bad match.

It''s kinda like that movie Pleasantville but w/ more God. One of those cities that''s referred to as the buckle of the Bible Belt... Supposedly the most churches per capita of any city anywhere. That could be a myth, but that it feels like it could be true says a lot. Christianity is very much part of the culture. It''s a very Christian, very Republican, very conserative place.

It''s also a dry city... which means you can''t buy alcohol w/i the city limits... you can buy it at the bars/restaurants, but you have to drive outside the city to buy a bottle of wine for dinner. There is a large college population at Texas Tech, and they drink lots of beer at the bars and are very Greek (frat/sor), but they''re still predominantly politically conservative. I''m sure you''re right that if you''re planning on sticking with the PhD crowd, you''ll find people who you''ll have more in common with... but 4 years is a long time, and I think you really should know what you''re getting yourself into. See what BF has to say when he gets back to town.... if I were you I''d go there for a long visit very soon... to see if you can actually see yourself living there.

Oh, also, in case you don''t know what it looks like physically... it''s in the South Plains grasslands... brown and dusty and flatter than flat. Surrounded by cotton fields (and other agriculture)... No woods or hills or anything like that.

I''ll leave you on a positive note though... It does have THE most beautiful skies! Prettiest sunsets I''ve ever seen. Has something to do with the refraction of light off the dust in the atmosphere.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/17/2006 5:44:20 PM
Author: LizzieC
Okay, so I decided to try to do a little bit of research to back up my statement... and I stand corrected... according to at least one study, Lubbock is the 2nd most conservative city in the U.S. ... behind Provo, UT... which is like 90% Mormon...

http://www.govpro.com/ASP/ViewArticle.asp?strArticleId=106124

Now I''m not knocking Lubbock here, it''s a very nice town, great place to raise a family, very friendly people, easy to navigate, great schools, low crime, excellent BBQ...

BUT, it''s not for everyone, and given the little I know about you... I''d say it''s a very very very bad match.

It''s kinda like that movie Pleasantville but w/ more God. One of those cities that''s referred to as the buckle of the Bible Belt... Supposedly the most churches per capita of any city anywhere. That could be a myth, but that it feels like it could be true says a lot. Christianity is very much part of the culture. It''s a very Christian, very Republican, very conserative place.

It''s also a dry city... which means you can''t buy alcohol w/i the city limits... you can buy it at the bars/restaurants, but you have to drive outside the city to buy a bottle of wine for dinner. There is a large college population at Texas Tech, and they drink lots of beer at the bars and are very Greek (frat/sor), but they''re still predominantly politically conservative. I''m sure you''re right that if you''re planning on sticking with the PhD crowd, you''ll find people who you''ll have more in common with... but 4 years is a long time, and I think you really should know what you''re getting yourself into. See what BF has to say when he gets back to town.... if I were you I''d go there for a long visit very soon... to see if you can actually see yourself living there.

Oh, also, in case you don''t know what it looks like physically... it''s in the South Plains grasslands... brown and dusty and flatter than flat. Surrounded by cotton fields (and other agriculture)... No woods or hills or anything like that.

I''ll leave you on a positive note though... It does have THE most beautiful skies! Prettiest sunsets I''ve ever seen. Has something to do with the refraction of light off the dust in the atmosphere.

*pales dramatically*

*searches for words*

Eeek. Yeeek. Ack. Eeek. You''re right... it is going to be a bad match. My poor hubby may come home only to have me divebomb his legs and cling to his feet, whimpering.

My liberal, secular, little Canadian heart is quailing. Thank you for the warning-- it''s good to know what I''m getting myself into!!

The alcohol part doesn''t bother me in the least, because I don''t drink. It''s too expensive, it makes me sleepy, and it makes it hard for me to fit into my clothes. Booze means bulge, so I avoid it.

Well, it will be a good life lesson for me. If I am surrounded by people saying things that would get them in trouble where I come from, it will teach me to keep my mouth shut. But I think I will be making this face an awful lot:

Still, it is absolutely worth it to be with my FF. I''ll have him, and my painting and all the books that I haven''t been able to read in 4 years, and a gym membership WITH the time to go to it. (I used to spend a lot of time at the gym, and loved it. Then I went to school.

) After 4 years of school and my thesis, I really need some time off to just sit by a window and read.

In short, I''m okay with having to hide in my house for the most part. TTU does have a masters in Theatre Arts, which is rare, so there should be some funky theatre people there.

I am looking forward to seeing those sunsets!