First reaction

[partgypsy]

Some friends of ours they have been together since college and their daughter is now in college, but they never got married. My husband and I were together 5+ years and also considered doing the commited but not married thing, but you are right people don''t understand it. I think some people take being married more lightly than other people I know take being commited to each other. To each their own.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 12/12/2008 12:48:02 PM
Author: MC
They''ve been together for 15 years. That''s much longer than many marriages. Clearly they''ve got a wonderful relationship.

Ditto. If it ain''t broke, don''t fix it!

 

[trillionaire]

I think my first thought would be "Oh wow, congratulations!" A marriage doesn''t somehow make a relationship magically more valuable or worthwhile or impressive. I would probably wonder if they wanted to get married, but I don''t really talk marriage with my close friends, let alone strangers. I think it is very personal, and I hate talking about mushy stuff, which is why I LOVE PS! I can vent ''anonymously''

LOL, I could see myself never getting married. A crafty way to avoid a wedding that I don''t want

 

[jcrow]

i don''t think i''d think anything of it.

 

[Elmorton]

First reaction - "Huh, I wonder why they don''t want to get married...?" - but I suppose that''s kindof implied with the fact that in this hypothetical situation, I''m looking at a hand

But would I dwell on it for more than a split second? Oh heck no. Relationships are one of those things that each individual handles differently.

 

[AprilBaby]

Congratulations? And then wonder if maybe her fingers were swollen today or she just didn''t feel like wearing her rings?

 

[partgypsy]

Trillionaire - that''s what elopements are for

!

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 7:14:18 AM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 12/12/2008 6:04:42 AM

Author: Deelight

Date: 12/12/2008 1:24:24 AM

Author: pennquaker09

Honestly, I wouldn''t judge. I don''t know what their commitment is to each other.

Ditto, FI and I were together 10.5yrs before getting engaged and will be together about 12yrs by the time we get married.

Some people also choose not to get married and a ring doesn''t always signify commitment, just like saying I love you doesn''t always mean that someone does.

Ya ditto - I''m sure some ppl think Fi and I a lil different for having a long engagement. But honestly, thats just who we are, and we''re comfortable with our commitment to each other.


May I ask Elegant how this question arose..?

I am so sorry I wasn''t able to discuss this real time - I have been at work all day. This has been a good discussion! I don''t know if anyone cares about this topic anymore, but here it goes.

Yes, you may ask how the question arose

...

I have been with my bf for 15.5 years. I am 32 years old and we have been high school sweethearts... I LOVE jewelry and he doesn''t. He likes electronics so jewelry doesn''t serve a purpose in his eyes.

Recently I have been asked if I was married or with someone, and I tell people that I have been with my boyfriend for 15.5 years - then they look at my left ring finger - which is BARE - and ask why I haven''t gotten married. In all honesty, I have been going to college ever since we have been together, so much of the money has gone towards my education, and both sides of our family have had bad marriage experiences - his parents stayed together but were highly dysfunctional and miserable...and very Catholic (must not divorce, must not divorce...) and my parents divorced early on and have yet to remarry.

Both myself and bf have never had a burning passion to marry. I have pretty much believed that I don''t need a piece of legal paperwork to committ myself to this man and he feels the same. But...

Recently, when people ask me and look and see I have no ring after so long, I have been feeling a sense of humiliation. This is why I asked the question because I am interested in an honest reaction to my situation. I am not having feelings of - wow, am I not marriage material? is something wrong with me? why don''t we want to marry each other? There are high maintenance (wait - nothing''s wrong with that) women who cheat on their husbands and treat their mate horribly, and they are married and have huge engagement rings, etc. I have never ever cheated on my bf and right now, I don''t know, I just feel confused.

I remember having an arguement with him and he just feels strongly about not purchasing jewelry for me. He bought me two necklaces and one watch, and one bracelet...in 15 years. I told him that I simply wanted a 15 year anniversary ring, he said yes, and I still have yet to see it.

I am overweight and although I know he loves me, and here is the self-worth issue I have - I feel that my if I were slimmer and more attractive, that ring would be on my finger...or something like that. I see the huge diamonds on small tiny fingers...even though they have tiny fingers you all still have honking stones whether it be a diamond or other stone.

So, I don''t know what I am thinking. I feel a sense of humiliation I suppose. I am embarrassed to not even have an engagement ring or anniversary, something to signify the LONG relationship we have had and we are still together after everything we have been through - but he doesn''t see my side of things.

Recently he told me that if he got the job he interviewed for yesterday, he said he would buy the anniversary ring, and he said it would be a nice one. He is not a stingy guy and will spend money on me, but...odds aren''t all that great that the job will be offered to him.

Confused...

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 2:20:48 PM
Author: trillionaire
I think my first thought would be ''Oh wow, congratulations!'' A marriage doesn''t somehow make a relationship magically more valuable or worthwhile or impressive. I would probably wonder if they wanted to get married, but I don''t really talk marriage with my close friends, let alone strangers. I think it is very personal, and I hate talking about mushy stuff, which is why I LOVE PS! I can vent ''anonymously''

LOL, I could see myself never getting married. A crafty way to avoid a wedding that I don''t want

I agree - but the looks I get and the reactions are priceless - they look at me as if something is very wrong and many people do see marriage as more valuable than what I have.

I think it''s impressive that after all of these years together, we have been committed and supported each other through so much WITHOUT a piece of paper saying that we are legally committed to each other...

I know I shouldn''t care about what other people think, but my gosh, the reaction over and over again, the look of confusion and partial disgust...

My aide (I am a teacher) is older than me, and recently she asked me if I was married. I told her no, but I have been with my bf for 15.5 years. She said she was so impressed because she is married but hasn''t been with her husband for even half that time - yet she has a huge ering and wedding ring on her finger.

Am I being too materialistic?

I know, I can buy my own diamonds...but I feel he isn''t caring about us and what is important to me...a statement about our relationship.

Ugh.

 

[Elmorton]

This doesn''t sound like a marriage vs. committed relationship issue but a gift giving issue. People have mentioned "the Love Languages" a lot on PS, and it may be worth looking into (google it, a bunch of stuff should come up). If your BF speaks a different love language (like giving you compliments instead of buying you gifts), then he doesn''t understand why a jewelry gift is important to you. DH and I actually got the love languages test from a therapist I was seeing, and not only was it fun to take, but we realized a LOT - I''m someone who likes gifts and needs someone to do things for me to show me that I''m loved, while DH wants more verbal affirmation.

The question I have though - is when someone asks if you''re married, why are you feeling embarrassed to say no? Whatever the reason, would a beautiful anniversary ring fix that?

I don''t think you''re being materialistic to want something pretty on your hand to symbolize something that you''re proud of (we do this all the time - engagement rings, push presents, a gift to yourself after a raise). But I am a little concerned with the wording...your aid with a huge ring may have a huge commitment from her partner, and she may not. Size/amount of bling is not equal to the amount of love - it''s equal to the pricetag a person feels that they can afford/would like to spend.

 

[VRBeauty]

In response to your original question, I don''t think my first response would be to look for a ring. I would wonder whether you were married, but having very good friends who raised their sons to adulthood without seeing a need to get married, I probably wouldn''t ask.

To your second question.... I don''t think it''s the least bit selfish to want something that signfies the permanence of your relationship, and a ring does that for many people. So I think it''s worth having the discussion with your boyfriend whether he gets that job or not.

But I will ask this rhetorical question... and not really expect (or even want) you to answer it...

Are you sure it''s the lack of the ring, and not the lack of a marriage, that''s bugging you?

 

[ms_claudia]

As a 21 year old, unmarried gal, I wouldn''t react at all actually... it''s nobody''s business but their own. After watching my parents (and numerous others) get divorced I''ve learned that marriage isn''t for everyone.

One of my best girlfriends got engaged last year at 20 years old, and she was very unhappy, even with the big rock on her finger (and rocks elsewhere... he comes from a very wealthy family)it didn''t mean anything because he was a jerk.

My current housemates have been together for about 5 years and they say they don''t plan on ever getting married even though they claim to be soul mates and meant for each other and all that other good stuff.

I say... to each her own. Although if I was her I''d buy myself some diamond rings for the heck of it

 

[kama_s]

Marriage is not that common an occurance in many places in the world, such as Europe. I know so many couples who have been together for 20+ years, with no intention to marry. I guess it's because US doesn't recognize common-law relationships. Common-law has become increasingly popular here in Canaa as well.

A friend of mine is in her late 70's. Has been with her common-law husband for around 30 years now. She only decided to tie the know last month so that she can be buried next to him (as per Jewish traditions).

ETA: responded without having read your recent post. I think you two need to sit down and have a chat on where the relationship is going. If you both agree on not tying the knot ever, then that's perfectly fine and reasonable - BUT it's a decision you BOTH need to get to together. Also, I dont agree with his entire thing about not being a jewelry kind of a guy. It would be akin to you saying no to buying the TV or camera he may want beause you are not a gadget kind of a girl. But you do these (in my opinion) *little* things for each other because it makes the other happy. And that's the most important aspect of a relationship...sacrificing a bit and finding a middle ground.

 

[musey]

I thought common-law marriage was recognized in some states. Domestic partnership is, at least. My husband and I were considered domestic partners before spouses, and little (that we've noticed so far) changed between the two statuses.

Regardless, ditto the discrepancy between what's important to him and what's important to you. If PSers all followed your boyfriend's logic in their own relationships, it would be the husbands wearing the diamonds

you gift something to someone because they like it and it's significant the them, not because you like it and it's significant to you.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 12/12/2008 8:57:39 PM
Author: Elmorton
This doesn''t sound like a marriage vs. committed relationship issue but a gift giving issue. People have mentioned ''the Love Languages'' a lot on PS, and it may be worth looking into (google it, a bunch of stuff should come up). If your BF speaks a different love language (like giving you compliments instead of buying you gifts), then he doesn''t understand why a jewelry gift is important to you. DH and I actually got the love languages test from a therapist I was seeing, and not only was it fun to take, but we realized a LOT - I''m someone who likes gifts and needs someone to do things for me to show me that I''m loved, while DH wants more verbal affirmation.

The question I have though - is when someone asks if you''re married, why are you feeling embarrassed to say no? Whatever the reason, would a beautiful anniversary ring fix that?

I don''t think you''re being materialistic to want something pretty on your hand to symbolize something that you''re proud of (we do this all the time - engagement rings, push presents, a gift to yourself after a raise). But I am a little concerned with the wording...your aid with a huge ring may have a huge commitment from her partner, and she may not. Size/amount of bling is not equal to the amount of love - it''s equal to the pricetag a person feels that they can afford/would like to spend.

Well said Elmorton.

Thankyou Elegant for answering my query - I wasn''t sure if it was yourself you were referring to.

Hrmm..it seems like there are a number of issues at play here. But no, I don''t think it is materialistic or selfish etc for you to want something on your finger. If not even to signify the r''ship to others and hopefully ward off these unwelcome judgements, at least as a recognition from your guy.

Have you spoken about the no jewellery vs buying electronics thing..? Do you buy him gifts if I may ask?

I am sorry you are feeling this way

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 9:56:07 PM
Author: musey
I thought common-law marriage was recognized in some states. Domestic partnership is, at least. My husband and I were considered domestic partners before spouses, and little (that we''ve noticed so far) changed between the two statuses.

Regardless, ditto the discrepancy between what''s important to him and what''s important to you. If PSers all followed your boyfriend''s logic in their own relationships, it would be the husbands wearing the diamonds

you gift something to someone because they like it and it''s significant the them, not because you like it and it''s significant to you.

I''ve discussed this with him - the gift giving part of and it being something that I like. You don''t give a gift to someone that you like - the goal is to give them something that they like.

I just asked him how he feels loved by me...the look on his face was priceless. He said he never really thought about it. He told me and it''s interesting. He feels loved when I do something for him - or give him a hug (he isn''t a hug giver and that''s been a problem in our relationship in the past) - and maybe buy him something. I think I feel loved by him when he buys me something that I want and not what he thinks I should get...he bought me my first ever piece of Tiffany jewelry - a pricey bracelet. He knew that made me happy. But I don''t know how - maybe when he actually gives me a foot/arm/head massage - he NEVER massages me (another problem we''ve had arguments about on countless occasions), so I guess that is why I rarely feel loved or appreciated...

I just want something that represents our relationship. That''s it. I don''t wnt to get married, I don''t think... I just don''t think about those things - priorities right now are finishing my doctorate and getting adjusted to my new job and new neighborhood, etc.

I think I wish that he cared enough about our relationship that he would respect my desire for a ring...?

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 10:11:41 PM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 12/12/2008 8:57:39 PM

Author: Elmorton

This doesn''t sound like a marriage vs. committed relationship issue but a gift giving issue. People have mentioned ''the Love Languages'' a lot on PS, and it may be worth looking into (google it, a bunch of stuff should come up). If your BF speaks a different love language (like giving you compliments instead of buying you gifts), then he doesn''t understand why a jewelry gift is important to you. DH and I actually got the love languages test from a therapist I was seeing, and not only was it fun to take, but we realized a LOT - I''m someone who likes gifts and needs someone to do things for me to show me that I''m loved, while DH wants more verbal affirmation.

The question I have though - is when someone asks if you''re married, why are you feeling embarrassed to say no? Whatever the reason, would a beautiful anniversary ring fix that?

I don''t think you''re being materialistic to want something pretty on your hand to symbolize something that you''re proud of (we do this all the time - engagement rings, push presents, a gift to yourself after a raise). But I am a little concerned with the wording...your aid with a huge ring may have a huge commitment from her partner, and she may not. Size/amount of bling is not equal to the amount of love - it''s equal to the pricetag a person feels that they can afford/would like to spend.

Well said Elmorton.

Thankyou Elegant for answering my query - I wasn''t sure if it was yourself you were referring to.

Hrmm..it seems like there are a number of issues at play here. But no, I don''t think it is materialistic or selfish etc for you to want something on your finger. If not even to signify the r''ship to others and hopefully ward off these unwelcome judgements, at least as a recognition from your guy.

Have you spoken about the no jewellery vs buying electronics thing..? Do you buy him gifts if I may ask?

I am sorry you are feeling this way

Hey there...I didn''t want to say it was me just for the sake of getting some feedback.

I have spoken with him about it, but he sometimes ends up saying things like he needs a new car and we are saving up to buy a house over here (my sis is renting my house that I moved out of) so that isn''t a priority

. So basically excuses. Yes, I do buy him gifts. We share bank accounts, so it''s like we share all of our money. I told him to buy another car but he doesn''t do it. When I want to buy him gifts, he is so specific about which electronic devise he wants that when I mention it he says not to buy it and the conversation ends.

Many of my friends have told me to pressure/threaten him... and yesterday I was feeling so depressed about it (could be my hormones - it''s that time of the month too) that I couldn''t understand why he won''t do it...and I told him I didn''t expect tens of thousands of dollars either - especially now with the economy turning so bad.

I will wait to see what the job thing turns out to be (he would be getting a higher salary if he does get the job). Maybe he is giving me lots of excuses because he does want to get me something nice and getting paid more assures him? Recently when we talked about the ring - he brought it up - he said he didn''t want to spend too much on it...wait...this is where this doubt came in!

Revelation!

I remember him telling me that he didn''t want to spend more than $500 on my ring - and I remember thinking to myself, wow, 15 years and that''s all he thinks our relationship is worth - I mean, not in the literal sense, but in the representation of the years to the amount... That''s when I started having doubts. So I went on PS and tried to see what I could possibly get that I thought was pretty, for $500 - went to a couple of sites and found some very pretty garnet rings that I liked and emailed him the list. I would say a week later, he told me if he got the job he would get me a nice ring...so... I don''t know where I am going with this!

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 1:20:22 AM
Author: oobiecoo
I would think it was a bit odd... I don''t see why anyone needs to be together that long before getting married.

Marriage is interesting to me. I remember when we first met, about a little less than a year after we were together, I remember him asking me if I wanted to marry him - and I said yes I would - but it was more of a conversation than a proposal, kind of. Me, loving jewelry and having a job right out of high school, I went to BEST, a store that has long gone been out of business, and I actually bought/put on layaway, an engagement ring and wedding ring set - 10kt yellow gold. I don''t even know what the grade of the diamond is actually. It has been in that box ever since. I remember talking to him and asking him if I should wear it, and he said do whatever you want... so it is in its box still. He hasn''t officially asked me to marry him and I think that was what I was waiting for. I still love the ring. It''s tiny, I think...I have no idea what the carat weight or quality it is.

So I guess at one point in my life I considered marriage. Now, not really.

 

[purrfectpear]

You can keep pining for a ring, or you can goad him into a ring, but it''s pretty clear that his idea of jewelry is $500 or less.

I''m going to give you my advice, take it for what it''s worth. Married or not, women who want a lovely diamond should feel free to purchase their own and enjoy looking at it every day. Seriously. I''ve purchased several (I''m divorced with NO plans to remarry) and I probably enjoy them more than any I''ve received as part of a wedding. There''s something to be said about knowing you worked for it, you bought it, and it''s YOURS...not something you waited around for. I love looking at my diamonds, and just as importantly, I love the feeling of satisfaction that they give me. Confirmation from me - to me, that I''m worth it. I''m sure it''s lovely to have a man in your life that gives you a gift, but for me it''s even nicer to know that I can take care of myself.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/13/2008 12:15:53 AM
Author: purrfectpear
You can keep pining for a ring, or you can goad him into a ring, but it's pretty clear that his idea of jewelry is $500 or less.


I'm going to give you my advice, take it for what it's worth. Married or not, women who want a lovely diamond should feel free to purchase their own and enjoy looking at it every day. Seriously. I've purchased several (I'm divorced with NO plans to remarry) and I probably enjoy them more than any I've received as part of a wedding. There's something to be said about knowing you worked for it, you bought it, and it's YOURS...not something you waited around for. I love looking at my diamonds, and just as importantly, I love the feeling of satisfaction that they give me. Confirmation from me - to me, that I'm worth it. I'm sure it's lovely to have a man in your life that gives you a gift, but for me it's even nicer to know that I can take care of myself.

Purrfect, I thought your answer was very eloquent.
Elegant, I think you have a couple of choices.

Number one - I would consider getting out that engagement and wedding set and WEAR it. He has not objected to you doing so, and I think that you are more than 'qualified' to do so - I have a friend who is common-law, and she has a set, which she wears. It looks perfectly at home there, and expresses the reality of her relationship more perfectly than a bare finger.

Number two - while wearing this ring, I would decide what YOU wanted in a ring, and put aside enough money to pay for it. Go into stores (or buy on the internet!!) and say you are looking at upgrades. That's all you need to say. I did all my engagement ring shopping alone, lots of girls do perhaps, because I didn't notice any customer service person skip a beat. You are in a relationship, and you have a joint account. It is quite likely that your man thinks that if you really wanted a ring, you should just go and GET one! After all, does he ask your permission for a big purchase?

He might be like my own man, and think that agreeing to the purchase (even in retrospect) is proof of his love for you, as you share all your money in the first place.
Save for it, and just do it!

that's my two cents, particularly as you're a working woman. You can ask him to kick in his $500, if you like.
He's probably like my man and has absolutely no idea about the cost of jewellery.
Get an upgradeable one.

I think I will have to do this, also, to get my upgrade, but unfortunately I am a stay at home mum and there's not much disposable income around for me to save up a sizeable deposit at the mo. I actually need my man's help to buy the ring!

 

[kittybean]

Date: 12/12/2008 9:56:07 PM
Author: musey
I thought common-law marriage was recognized in some states. Domestic partnership is, at least. My husband and I were considered domestic partners before spouses, and little (that we''ve noticed so far) changed between the two statuses.

Common law marriage is recognized in 11 states in the U.S. still, mostly in the West. Contrary to popular belief, cohabitation for a certain period of time does not ever amount to a common law marriage. In order to be common law married, the couple must cohabit, hold themselves out to the world as husband and wife, mutually consent to a marriage relationship, and be of the required age to marry. In a couple of the states, there is an additional requirement that the parties must meet the aforementioned criteria for a certain period of time (seven years was a popular number in the past), but mostly there is no length of time required. In order to end a common law marriage, a couple must go through the standard divorce processes in their state. Most states will recognize a valid common law marriage for another state.

The sticking point usually is the "holding themselves out as married" requirement. There has to be substantial direct or circumstantial evidence of this in order for a state to recognize the common law marriage. This can include having joint bank accounts, using the same last name, filing joint tax returns, owning property together, and most importantly, referring to each other openly as husband and wife. If the couple has not mutually agreed that they want to be and are in a marriage, and if they do not refer to one another as spouses, they are not common law married.

Domestic partnerships are increasingly recognized in the U.S. and are available to same-sex couples as well as heterosexual couples in many states. The purpose is to allow limited legal recognition of certain relationships; it some states, for example, it can determine property rights upon a dissolution of the partnership or allow for a power of attorney for one partner if the other is incapacitated. No states currently allow a same-sex common law marriage.

 

[phoenixgirl]

My reaction would be that they must not believe in or ever want to get married. A lot of people feel that way . . . they saw their parents get divorced, or they have gay friends who can''t get married themselves, or they feel that no document can sum up or dictate their relationship. At a first meeting it''s probably not the time to ask why they''re not married, but I wouldn''t jump to any conclusions about the person''s relationship other than that 15 years is an impressive amount of time.

 

[LGK]

FWIW, even the use of the term "boyfriend" doesn''t tell you they''re not married. My husband prefers to refer to me as his girlfriend; he thinks it sounds sexier

. And so I often refer to him as "boyfriend" too. (Plus, we were living together as a committed couple for five years before we got married, so it''s also a hard habit for him to break.)

But I do wear a ring. He doesn''t always; he plays basketball and sometimes forgets to put it back on.

So neither thing actually tells you that they aren''t married... just that they''re a bit, um, different

I''m sure the folks that would say "boyfriend/girlfriend" when they''re actually married are in the minority but we are out there! I should add a caveat: in a business situation we would introduce each other as husband/wife, but in a more casual setting not always.

 

[ms_claudia]

I posted a response to the initial post, not knowing that you were talking about yourself. In any case, as I mentioned before, I wouldn''t think anything of it, in this day and age it''s perfectly normal. Unfortunately, women can be very catty and "ring focused", I saw this first hand when my good friend got engaged, the only thing our other girlfriends wanted to see was "the ring! the ring! how big is it? blah blah blah". After reading the rest of your posts, I can understand why you feel that way. 15.5 years is a looooooong time and you want something to not only signify the relationship and lower all the raised eyebrows, but to also get some validation from SO that you''re worth it.

I think you should really ask yourself whether it''s the ring or the marriage issue that''s truly bothering you. If you truly don''t want to get married but just want a ring to escape the questions annd raised eyebrows, talk to SO about it, if it means that much to you and he loves you, then he should understand and give in to your wishes, how much he''ll give in on the price is another issue... what kind of ring do you want, or rather what is the price range of the ring? Since you''ve been dropping hints its quite possible that he''s buying you one as a surprise for x-mas, not to get your hopes up but it is possible.

As far as wearing the ring set that you bought yourself a while back... I personally wouldn''t wear them because it''d be another reason/excuse for him to not buy you a new ring (Mens logic would say, hey she already has a ring to wear why get a new one) I''d also feel a tiny bit resentful wearing self-purchased wedding rings that he should''ve bought you to begin with... You also could just slip the set on when you go places where people might question you about it.

If I were in your situation, I''d ditch the idea of the ring (unless marriage came into play) and just buy myself a gorgeous right hand ring

. I enjoy and appreciate the jewelry I bought myself so much more than the jewelry I''ve received as gifts from bfs. Everytime I look at my diamonds I smile to myself knowing that I deserve them and didn''t need anyone to validate that fact but myself, it''s actually quite empowering lol.

Another option is promise rings, they''re quite popular these days and I think it''s appropriate for your situation. They''re not gonna be huge honkin stones or anything but it is symbolic of your relationship and it will probably be enough to ward off unwelcome questions or looks. Not to mention they''ll easily be in SO''s $500 price range. And also, the amount of money he''s willing to spend isn''t neccessarily a reflection of what you''re worth to him, it''s probably just a matter of practicality (oh men and they''re practicality lol) and what is in his budget.

Let us know how things pan out... I''m keeping my fingers crossed for your X-Mas present

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/12/2008 9:54:57 AM
Author: purrfectpear
My first thought would be ''codependent'' or ''rebel''. I would think you were either woman in denial or a woman who didn''t need marriage

This statement intrigues me...can you explain the woman in denial part please?

BTW - I LOVE your ring and haven''t seen any hand shots on you - do you have any?

 

[LaraOnline]

TBH I thought it was quite a fun quote.

You can see PP''s answered more fully following, she hasn''t meant to offend you.

TBH I also think PP''s covered all the bases - either you aren''t getting what you want (co-dependent - like me perhaps! - who is in denial about her emotional need for marriage) ... or you are (rebel who doesn''t want or need marriage)

 

[Rhea]

I wouldn''t think much of it. I do tend to look at people''s finger because I love jewellery. One of the managers at work wears what looks like a low-set tiffany style solitaire with a channel set eternity band. I referred to her husband one day. It turns out that she''s not married, just liked the set.

Are you sure that it''s the ring that''s bothering you? The ring doesn''t change your title in relationship to him or how other people respond to that.

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/13/2008 6:24:08 PM
Author: LaraOnline
TBH I thought it was quite a fun quote.

You can see PP''s answered more fully following, she hasn''t meant to offend you.

TBH I also think PP''s covered all the bases - either you aren''t getting what you want (co-dependent - like me perhaps! - who is in denial about her emotional need for marriage) ... or you are (rebel who doesn''t want or need marriage)

Oh no, no, no...I am not offended at all, I just wanted her to elaborate a bit, that''s all! Believe me, I am not going to be hurt...no, just wanted a bit more info!

And thank you for your explanation!

I can see by your explanation of it as an emotional need for marriage...my friends have talked to me about this and I used to want to get married a LONG time ago, but not that much anymore. When a romantic mood strikes me, yes, sometimes. Sometimes. like recently, I have been debating getting married. And I suppose if I really wanted to, he would, no doubt about it, but there is just something about having a certain feeling of freedom that I think has helped both of us stay together. Like we have the freedom to leave one another if anything happens and we are not legally bound by anything - we could take off if we wanted to...but we haven''t. We have stayed together and remained faithful all these years. I am quite the emotional person, that is for sure, but emotional need for marriage - I need to think about that one. Do I need to get married? Hmmm... Food for thought...

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/13/2008 6:27:35 PM
Author: Addy
I wouldn''t think much of it. I do tend to look at people''s finger because I love jewellery. One of the managers at work wears what looks like a low-set tiffany style solitaire with a channel set eternity band. I referred to her husband one day. It turns out that she''s not married, just liked the set.

Are you sure that it''s the ring that''s bothering you? The ring doesn''t change your title in relationship to him or how other people respond to that.

See, I also tend to look at other people''s jewelry as well and maybe that is why I have an issue. Then I come here and my god...rings, rings, rings...men caring about creating or purchasing the perfect ring because they love their gf so much - maybe I feel like he doesn''t care about me? I wish he was one of those guys - and for those of you with those guys, that''s awesome. Whether or not he is a jewelry person shouldn''t matter either because it is for me. He knows how important the ring is for me...he knows.

But when you hear that someone is with someone - and said boyfriend - wouldn''t you look down to see any sort of commitment ring? That''s just normal, right? I mean, I do that - I look to see what engagement or wedding ring a person has.

 

[Elegant]

Date: 12/13/2008 6:17:10 PM
Author: Elegant

Date: 12/12/2008 9:54:57 AM

Author: purrfectpear

My first thought would be ''codependent'' or ''rebel''. I would think you were either woman in denial or a woman who didn''t need marriage

This statement intrigues me...can you explain the woman in denial part please?

BTW - I LOVE your ring and haven''t seen any hand shots on you - do you have any?

Oh, and I completely agree with the quote...I think it''s funny too!