For the ladies: Have you ever asked a guy out?

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey, I was about to wish you luck, guess I am a little late....

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ok so here are my thoughts:

So we went to dinner. We had a great time talking, etc. but....

we are VERY different. Like, total opposites. Which I kind of knew from yesterday's phone convo, but seriously - he is a total outdoors person. I am not, suffice to say. That's the biggest thing.

BUT he's really cute, we get along really well, we had a lot of fun....but ok, I seriously am bad at dating and I tend to second guess myself.

It went well, but I don't know if there will be a second date necessarily? It's hard to say because I'm bad at picking up signals (like there MIGHT have been a moment for a goodnight kiss but it passed....) and his work schedule is insane. Actually I have no idea how tonight even happened - he works all the time. So I don't know?

I might give it another try next week (he's going to be out of town this weekend and early next week) and see if a second date confirms/reconfirms anything, but I dunno? I'm so confused! I suck at dating.

I don't know!!!!

 

[Autumnovember]

Ok so here are my thoughts:

So we went to dinner. We had a great time talking, etc. but....

we are VERY different. Like, total opposites. Which I kind of knew from yesterday's phone convo, but seriously - he is a total outdoors person. I am not, suffice to say. That's the biggest thing.

BUT he's really cute, we get along really well, we had a lot of fun....but ok, I seriously am bad at dating and I tend to second guess myself.

It went well, but I don't know if there will be a second date necessarily? It's hard to say because I'm bad at picking up signals (like there MIGHT have been a moment for a goodnight kiss but it passed....) and his work schedule is insane. Actually I have no idea how tonight even happened - he works all the time. So I don't know?

I might give it another try next week (he's going to be out of town this weekend and early next week) and see if a second date confirms/reconfirms anything, but I dunno? I'm so confused! I suck at dating.

I don't know!!!!

I say go for a second date. When SO and I started seeing each other I highly doubted anything would work out because of his 14 hr day work schedules. Here we are almost 3.5 years later and we figured out a way to make it work. Did you like him? If you did then go for a second date. I think being opposites can be a really good thing in many aspects.

 

[yssie]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ok so here are my thoughts:

So we went to dinner. We had a great time talking, etc. but....

we are VERY different. Like, total opposites. Which I kind of knew from yesterday's phone convo, but seriously - he is a total outdoors person. I am not, suffice to say. That's the biggest thing.

BUT he's really cute, we get along really well, we had a lot of fun....but ok, I seriously am bad at dating and I tend to second guess myself.

It went well, but I don't know if there will be a second date necessarily? It's hard to say because I'm bad at picking up signals (like there MIGHT have been a moment for a goodnight kiss but it passed....) and his work schedule is insane. Actually I have no idea how tonight even happened - he works all the time. So I don't know?

I might give it another try next week (he's going to be out of town this weekend and early next week) and see if a second date confirms/reconfirms anything, but I dunno? I'm so confused! I suck at dating.

I don't know!!!!

I say go for a second date. When SO and I started seeing each other I highly doubted anything would work out because of his 14 hr day work schedules. Here we are almost 3.5 years later and we figured out a way to make it work. Did you like him? If you did then go for a second date. I think being opposites can be a really good thing in many aspects.

I do like him. I had a lot of fun, which was great. And we do have things in common - it's just the outdoorsy thing that scares me off a bit (because I really am not, not to mention, I am TOTALLY a city girl - I LOVE big cities and he doesn't - this all goes back to how I hate the outdoors, lol). But I don't know.

But you know, even if nothing comes of it, it was nice to meet someone new, to go out, to move on. I mean, this is the first date, the first guy I've been interested in since my ex and I broke up. I feel better about my life since I feel like at least I'm moving forward instead of being in limbo, y'know? And it doesn't hurt that he's REALLY cute with a great accent. Sigh...

I'm reminded of my best friend though. She and her husband are PERFECT for each other. I wholly approve of S, her husband - he's a great guy. But apparently when they first got together she thought he was gay (he's not obviously). Now if that's not a significant difference that proved to be surmountable, I don't know what is

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

Oh yeah, Yssie, you reminded me.

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!). But I thought it was funny.

 

[yssie]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

Oh yeah, Yssie, you reminded me.

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!). But I thought it was funny.

Well, now, how convenient - that's a built-in date right there

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

Oh yeah, Yssie, you reminded me.

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!). But I thought it was funny.

Well, now, how convenient - that's a built-in date right there

I may have suggested it.....

 

[Steel]

Oooh.

I lose connection for a little while and all kinds of things happen. I'm glad you had a fun time (apart from the awkward bits).

So, **cough** how athletic was he ?

 

[Liane]

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!).

Haha, awesome.

My dad's big into guns so I learned to shoot (and trap, and other such useful activities) when I was a kid. Every time we go home, my dad asks if we want to go shoot the machine guns (and my husband, poor thing, always ends up stammering "uh.... no thanks!"). And yes, guns can be almost as expensive a hobby as jewelry -- and every bit as loaded with arcane information once you get past the basics.

I wouldn't let the idea of major differences put you off this early in the game -- and at this stage, it really is just an IDEA of major differences; you don't know each other well enough to say if those differences are real yet -- and look at it as an opportunity to try new and interesting things outside your normal comfort zone. That's well worthwhile in itself, even if the relationship doesn't work out.

Shooting lessons are a great start.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

I typed a long post that gotten eaten last night, but Yssie pretty much nailed it. My husband and I have different personalities and hobbies, but we share the same major goals in life as far as where we like to spend our money, how we want to raise our family etc. I took me about 1 month of just dating him before I knew he was the one! So you never know......Second Date! Second Date! Second Date!

 

[ksinger]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

Oh yeah, Yssie, you reminded me.

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!). But I thought it was funny.

OK...as a non-outdoorsy (about 80%) sucky-athlete city girl married to an outdoorsy-sailing-gun guy, I can tell you, it CAN work. But both of you will need to broaden your horizons to do it. With my hubs (dated at 18, blah blah...I won't bore unless someone asks: I think I've told the tale about a hundred times on here) I experienced rapelling(sp?), fishing, shooting festivals, and gun shows. I rode in trucks at dawn in the cold. I did stuff I'd never have done otherwise, and while some...OK...MOST...of it, wasn't my favorite, I'm glad I did it. He on the other hand, over time, learned to like the things a large city has to offer, and in a truly stunning 180, informed me that having now visited NYC, he could see the appeal, and had he known when he was younger, he might have gone there.

If you meet him halfway and show interest in his..erm..guns... he might not notice that you don't want to go on that 150 mile bike ride with him.

The others are right though, what matters is deeper than the superficial interests of this decade, which can change - you may lose interest in jewelry (it COULD happen) and one day he may decide that being outside all the time isn't as appealing as it once was. My guy was IN the gun biz for 15 years - ran a range, was a gunsmith, the works, and he pretty much let it go to become a passionate sailor. So, me and my guy have changed in interests over the years, but the character and how you approach life, now THAT is what will bind you, what SHOULD bind you. That and a shared sense of humor.

Do that second date, and GET that kiss. The cutest guy can become homely when (as a disappointed college friend said) "He was SO cute but he kissed like a German Shepherd eating watermelon." (That line was too good not to keep)

 

[audball]

Hi BEG! So glad to see that he called!!!

I just wanted to say, as others have, that not being outdoorsy is not a deal breaker. S and I have been together 5 years, he's DEFINITELY southern/outdoorsy type, I'm, well, not so much. I do enjoy some aspects of what he does and those things we do together, but some of it, that's what his guy friends are for!

He, like CV, is big into guns!! And yes, they can get $$$, but so is his flying hobby, among other things...
Me, like you, is big into jewelry, also $$.

Anyway, don't stress about it! There will likely be things you'll enjoy doing with him, and things you won't, and that's totally okay and can easily work! I was terrified of guns when I met him, he taught me how and I'm not a permit carrying 5' nothing gun toting permit holder

I also enjoy car camping trips (drive up to sites and hang out...not so much on the backpacking and carrying all my crap camping...), day hikes that are a few hours out to waterfalls for picnics and such, fishing/boating can be fun and a great way to TAN, shooting/trap is laods of fun...you'd be surprised what you may like when you try it!

And not liking some of it, that's okay too. S isn't into everything I am (like PS/jewelry) so we have our balance. He also works a ton of hours and when it's important, you make it work.

Anyway, goodluck! I'll be watching for date #2 and a goodnight kiss!

 

[Steel]

B.E.G,

Are you sneaking off into the sunset with this thread?

Will there be a second date at the gun range (or whatever they call it)......

Enquiring minds want to know......

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I'm here! Sorry, I've been out running errands all day, and then just got back from yoga. I feel like someone's used me as a punching bag for a good hour I'm about to go eat dinner but I'll be back after - and Steal, no, I don't think it's quite over yet.... If for nothing else than he's cute and fun and smart, and there's a really dearth of those in my tiny hometown, and I like being entertained

 

[Steel]

No need to say sorry! I was just looking for a nice sane thread and I thought of you! Well done for working out. I on the other hand have eaten a whole packet of wafer biscuits sitting at my laptop and I didn't even notice.

I am looking forward to updates -whenever they come.

 

[kelpie]

I've been following and have to say I admire your moxie!

Ask him to teach you how to shoot. I love guns and jewelry so they aren't mutually exclusive hobbies, but I was terrified of guns until I had my gentle handsome DH teach me early in our dating. It took a while for me to appreciate it as a skill. I've had to shoot two raccoons though so it is a handy thing to know. However unpleasant it was it was necessary and I'm truly glad I was able to use a gun successfully in an emergency.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ok, I can eat and write, lol. Let's see....

So first, Steal, no firsthand experience on how athletic he is, but let's just say, I'm a sucker for a guy with nice arms and shoulders and from what I saw - me likey

Liane - Haha aww your poor hubby! That reminds me of my best friend whose family owns a cattle ranch. Every time her and her BF come home, her dad invites the BF out with him to the ranch or to the farm (they have both) or out to go branding or something, and her BF is always so uncomfortable Irony of ironies, that same best friend is also a vegetarian ...

You're right about it being more the idea of major differences. And honestly, you know, differences are good. I mean, ex and I were VERY alike in many respects and that totally didn't work out, so it's not like having everything in common is the recipe for relationship success you know?

Jaysonsmom - That's awesome! You're totally right. I mean, you can work out a LOT of stuff as long as you're headed in the same general direction, right? I wouldn't say no to a second date, and honestly, now that I've confronted the whole fear of rejection by making the first move thing, I actually would feel better calling him up in a week or so and asking him out again, rather than waiting for him to call. I HATE waiting. Plus, at least I can call on his cell and leave a voicemail rather than go through the clinic again (awkward when they ask WHY I'm calling.....)

KSinger, ok, you and your hubby sound JUST like me and CV. I mean, I can and will do outdoorsy stuff - heck, I did a full-day glacier hike in New Zealand (and felt like I was going to die 8 hours later!). And I'm up for trying almost anything (as long as I don't have to swim, which I can't, although I did go snorkeling!). Your stories about you and your husband do get me thinking - maybe going for someone totally different is really good for me. I mean, it really would make me do a lot more stuff that I'd never do on my own....

And ahem, totally interested in his ... uh... guns

And uh, thank you - I just snorted water up my nose reading your last paragraph

Audball - I'm so glad you and the others came and told me about your relationships! I'm glad to know I'm not the only non-outdoorsy girl out there (I like shopping, and Broadway, and hotels dammit!). Seriously, it's so cool that you guys are like me and ended up in awesome, happy relationships with outdoorsy, gun-toting guys I love it!

And yes! I would not mind car camping trips (provided I have tons of mosquito repellant), but not so much the backpacking part. Ick.

Kelpie - Haha thanks! I'm still a little in shock that things actually worked out to the point where we had dinner! Kelpie, I am totally calling him up sometime and asking him to teach me to shoot. I actually really have wanted to learn for a few years now (ok, you want to know the really lame reason why? So I like apocalypse movies and books....and I realize each time I read/see one that I am woefully unprepared in the event the world ends....and I figure shooting is a good thing to know...plus I also just moved back home from South Side Chicago where I've been for three years so this might also explain my sudden desire to learn how to shoot....). Ugh, that sounds awful about the raccoons though! I don't think I'll ever be a hunter but range shooting to relieve stress...that I'll do!

And back to Steal!

I love wafer bisquits!! You know, I'm not a super athletic, gym-loving person. I used to go regularly with a gym buddy in college, but then law school hit and I just didn't go (even though I had a small gym in my building!). I wonder how much of it was "letting myself go" a little since I was in a long-term relationship. I mean, I never really did - I always went out nicely dressed, make-up, hair done, and I've always been thin...but now that I'm single again, I really want to be in basically the best shape of my life. So lots of zumba and yoga (and hey, flexibility from yoga ain't bad ).

I'm not going to be one of those girls who changes everything post-break-up (for instance, my long hair STAYS, though I got bangs, hehe), but I'm trying to be more adventurous, do some things differently, get myself into great shape (and that's a great confidence booster too), be more forward and ask guys out (with all of your encouragement - trust me, this would NOT have happened and we would not be on page 6 of this thread if you guys hadn't pushed me forward).

Anyway, I am TOTALLY babbling right now, but seriously, if I could give you guys a hug right now, I totally would!

 

[Squirrly]

i haven't read all of this thread but i thought i'd chime in and tell you that my best friend, a vegan who looooooooves fashion, punk rock, would love to live in LA and try her hand at fashion design, could live on nothing but shoes, and loves pink, purple and leopard print, has been with her hunting, fishing, country music loving, small town man's man (she likes his guns too ) for about 5 months now and has never been happier. they found out that value wise they have a lot in common, treat each other very well, and both their families (as well as me) wouldn't be too surprised if he stuck around forever. he called her excited that he found vegan cheesecake in town, she's survived a country music festival and 4H fairs with him, and they manage to compliment each other quite well.

good luck!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

i haven't read all of this thread but i thought i'd chime in and tell you that my best friend, a vegan who looooooooves fashion, punk rock, would love to live in LA and try her hand at fashion design, could live on nothing but shoes, and loves pink, purple and leopard print, has been with her hunting, fishing, country music loving, small town man's man (she likes his guns too ) for about 5 months now and has never been happier. they found out that value wise they have a lot in common, treat each other very well, and both their families (as well as me) wouldn't be too surprised if he stuck around forever. he called her excited that he found vegan cheesecake in town, she's survived a country music festival and 4H fairs with him, and they manage to compliment each other quite well.

good luck!

Whoa talk about opposites attract! I'm glad they found such strong common ground - that's fantastic! (I love this side discussion about guns, btw - it's keeping my very amused )

Um, HOW can you have vegan cheesecake??? My mind is blown!

 

[Squirrly]

cheeseless cheesecake!
and i will admit, guns are definitely a plus. hadn't had those on a boyfriend until i met my husband, but i've had no problem getting used to them i like my pillow.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

cheeseless cheesecake!
and i will admit, guns are definitely a plus. hadn't had those on a boyfriend until i met my husband, but i've had no problem getting used to them i like my pillow.

Tofu....cheesecake....nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I need to go lie down now

I assume we're not talking about the shooting guns this time around?

 

[catwalk82]

Absolutely. I initiated contact with my now husband and we have been married for almost 6 years and together for 7!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Absolutely. I initiated contact with my now husband and we have been married for almost 6 years and together for 7!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Awesome!

Definitely agree on the second date (and this time DO that kiss, girl! )

I don't think it's a bad thing when two people are very different, so long as they aren't negative differences and both people are *equally* different, if that makes sense? Like - if both people have different hobbies that they're equally passionate about, and they understand each others' passions even if they don't care for the hobby itself..

Anyway. First things first, second date

Oh yeah, Yssie, you reminded me.

So here's a similarity - we both have very expensive hobbies.

Mine is jewelry, natch.

His? Guns. Yup, guns.

Ironically enough, that doesn't scare me away because for the last few years I've been meaning to take shooting lessons whenever I was back home and never got around to it (hey, when you're a 5'1" girl, I feel like it's something that would be useful to know!). But I thought it was funny.

OK...as a non-outdoorsy (about 80%) sucky-athlete city girl married to an outdoorsy-sailing-gun guy, I can tell you, it CAN work. But both of you will need to broaden your horizons to do it. With my hubs (dated at 18, blah blah...I won't bore unless someone asks: I think I've told the tale about a hundred times on here) I experienced rapelling(sp?), fishing, shooting festivals, and gun shows. I rode in trucks at dawn in the cold. I did stuff I'd never have done otherwise, and while some...OK...MOST...of it, wasn't my favorite, I'm glad I did it. He on the other hand, over time, learned to like the things a large city has to offer, and in a truly stunning 180, informed me that having now visited NYC, he could see the appeal, and had he known when he was younger, he might have gone there.

If you meet him halfway and show interest in his..erm..guns... he might not notice that you don't want to go on that 150 mile bike ride with him.

The others are right though, what matters is deeper than the superficial interests of this decade, which can change - you may lose interest in jewelry (it COULD happen) and one day he may decide that being outside all the time isn't as appealing as it once was. My guy was IN the gun biz for 15 years - ran a range, was a gunsmith, the works, and he pretty much let it go to become a passionate sailor. So, me and my guy have changed in interests over the years, but the character and how you approach life, now THAT is what will bind you, what SHOULD bind you. That and a shared sense of humor.

Do that second date, and GET that kiss. The cutest guy can become homely when (as a disappointed college friend said) "He was SO cute but he kissed like a German Shepherd eating watermelon." (That line was too good not to keep)

This advice is spot-on. You don't dig outdoorsy things, he doesn't dig big cities... YET. Even if you never end up loving long hikes and bike rides and looking at guns, those activities are far more enjoyable when you're doing them with someone you .

Just don't count yourself out. If you had a good time, that's ALL that matters. I'd say you sound pretty skilled at this whole dating thing.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

This advice is spot-on. You don't dig outdoorsy things, he doesn't dig big cities... YET. Even if you never end up loving long hikes and bike rides and looking at guns, those activities are far more enjoyable when you're doing them with someone you .

Just don't count yourself out. If you had a good time, that's ALL that matters. I'd say you sound pretty skilled at this whole dating thing.

Aw thanks Pilsn! I just seriously second guess myself when it comes to guys. It's a bad habit I need to break.

Although the one good thing about this major differences is that I realized that since I'm here for the next year anyway, I should really embrace the outdoorsy stuff my state is known for, even if I move back to a big city next fall. At least I can say I've done it then, plus there is NOTHING else to do here and I'm freakin' bored. So I'm going to learn to snowboard and ski this winter, do some hiking, floating, etc. in the summer, and then I can move back to my cities with a clear conscience (And hey, if I have a cute guy to do all this outdoorsy stuff with, even better!)

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Wondering if anyone is still interested in this saga (it is definitely not over yet)

 

[iota15]

Yup. Let's hear about it.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I don't know why I'm still awake! I am SO tired. I'm thinking adrenaline still.

Um so after the dinner of two weeks ago, he was out of town, and sometime last week we got back in touch. Talked on the phone briefly, mostly texted. Over the last week he'd text me every once in a while - last night I was just heading back in from Black Friday shopping, he texted, I called back since I was trying to do something else at the same time, and that turned into first a 20 minute convo before he headed into surgery, and then a 2+ hour convo when he got out. Yeah. We talked for a looooong time. About a lot of random stuff. I really like his personality (ha - it's similar to my own). We click really well, despite different interests, etc. Anyway, ended with maybe getting dinner tonight. That actually happened - yay. Went to dinner. Had a great time. Restaurant closed. We ended up chatting for a couple more hours after that, lots of flirting, and well, we were both super tired but towards the end, when he was about to leave, I seriously thought - oh why the hell not. I kissed him - he kissed back. He didn't leave QUITE so soon (but it's all innocent still for those of you out there with dirty minds). Things are good I did call him out on making me make the first move though We'll see what his next move is after this (although he is supposed to come snowboarding with me and my best friend and her husband next weekend). Anyway, I am super happy with the result and quite proud of myself

ETA: Btw, he and I have super different political beliefs on the two issues that I really care about (abortion + gay rights - without going into politics, I vote Democrat solely b/c of those issues - almost everything else I'm on the conservative side). Good thing I don't really care (I'm of the "believe what you want, but don't preach to me" school of politics, and he does not preach about that so good). Everything else we are fairly similar (politics-wise) but those two issues are huge ones for me. Ah well, no one's perfect...

 

[iota15]

WOOOOO!!! Way to go, BEG!!!!