getting lapped?

[Haven]

I''ve never heard the term before, but FI and I were "lapped" by many of our friends--five, to be exact. (And one of them proposed TWICE during the time we were dating, so does that make six? He''s still with the second, at least. One of those "I can''t wait to be married, doesn''t matter who it''s to" guys.)

I''ll be honest--it did bother me, not in an overt irritating way, but in a gnawing at the very back of my mind sort of way. We were in the exact boat as Mimzy and her BF--there was nothing really holding us back, he was just taking his sweet time. (I think I posted a tortured cry for help on this very board about it.) He was definitely not an "I can''t wait to be married!" guy, he''s just a laid-back, go with the flow, why rush if there''s no flood coming? guy. And it was annoying as hell once I was ready, but I found PS and did all my kicking and screaming on the boards, and now that we''re engaged it''s easy to forget how anxious I did feel at times.

Don''t worry--in the end, it''s all just time spent together under different guises. "Dating" "engaged" "married", it all means the same thing: together.

 

[smiles]

hi! first time poster though i have been enjoying everyones talks for about a month now but when i saw this i had to post! I
I am in university but in my culture its not uncommon to marry young. Lately it feels like everyone around me is getting married after dating also around that one year mark. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs and def want to finish school and am in no rush but people definitely dont like telling me about their happy news which sucks! I love weddings! people shouldnt feel bad. I think most of the LIW''s here know their time will come and it is worth the wait!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/5/2007 1:34:04 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 11/5/2007 1:04:52 PM

Author: mimzy

i hate that terminology, getting ''lapped''. it''s hard enough to fight off the ''race'' mentality as it is! that being said, it has depended on the couple. we''ve been lapped by at least five couples and are about to be lapped by another. i guess the only reason it bothers me it bothers me is because i get the glances of pity that scream ''poor you, your boyfriend isn''t ready to commit/mature enough/in love with you enough to jump at the chance to get engaged like mine did''. it wouldn''t be so bad if i knew it wasn''t true...but it is.....so it sucks, bigtime.

I so get you on this point.

Yeah I can relate to that, I have gotten those often none of my engaged friends have done that though (to their credit). I was getting fairly well get sick of people asking ME (no one asks him???? go figure). When are you getting engaged, when are you getting married (not close friends but fairly well people I talk to either at work etc) I really wonder if people realise how awful that question no one seems content to congratulate people for making a relationship work. The worst one for me though was having one of my BF''s mum''s friends who I had never meet before or spoken to before at a get together go after watching us talking:

The convo goes a little like this:

Random Old Lady: Oh is your husband and brother in law teasing you

Me: I politely replied oh no he is not my husband *giggle*.

Random Old Lady: Oh but by the way his mum talks about you both I just assumed you were both married.

Me: No we are BF and GF.

Random Old Lady *she pats me on the arm looks at me condescendingly with pity* don''t worry there is still hope left


WTH all I could do is stand there and stare completely dumbfounded.

 

[WeightLifterChick]

Date: 11/5/2007 1:34:04 PM
Author: Pandora II

That was what made me so unhappy about not being engaged - people doubting the quality of my relationship when there were no red flags, and having to constantly defend it. I tried explaining it to FI, but I honestly think it''s only women that get all this grief from society. He just couldn''t understand why I cared what other people thought.

ITA! Couldn''t have said it better myself. Sometimes I have to defend our relationship to other people, whether it be co-workers or family members, and sometimes it gets on my f#$%king nerves. I didn''t know I was supposed to live my life by the schedules of others

BF could not care less what other people think. I am that way too, to an extent - but I''m definitely more sensitive about issue, mostly because I agree with you in your statement that it''s mostly women who get this grief from society. I just keep reminding myself that we live our lives the way we want to, not how anyone else thinks we should.

I''ve only been "lapped" twice, by two friends I went to high school with. Didn''t bother me a bit, seeing as how both engagements and weddings were both 3-4 years ago, when they were both 21-22ish.. It doesn''t bother me now, either, even when I hear about other couples now getting engaged. Everyone takes things at a different pace. Unfortunately one of my friends who married in 2003 is recently divorced

 

[largirl]

I just wanted to give a HUGE "hell yeah" to mimzy and pandora and weightlifterchick for being able to articulate so well a big part of why not being engaged sucks so badly (for me anyway)! I am so right there with you on those exact feelings!

 

[nebe]

I''ve never been "lapped" but I''m pretty sure that when/if it happens; I''ll be pissed.

 

[MoonWater]

Hahahahaha nebe you are hilarious! I''ve been lapped, but I also haven''t been impressed with the relationships that have/are lapping me and expect their divorces to lap me as well.

 

[monarch64]

Never having heard the term "lapped" in this context, I was intrigued to read this thread. I guess we''ve been "lapped" many times and just didn''t realize it, and apparently we''ve "lapped" others and not realized that either, lol! Yikes, milestones mean so many different things to different couples, I think...we''re just one of those laid-back, non-timeline types and have only had a couple run-ins with one other couple really as far as them questioning us on when we''ll get engaged, married, buy a house, have kids, etc., so we haven''t really dealt with much in the "lapping" state of mind. I guess we''re just not that competitive or don''t realize that we''re being competitive until others bring it up...interesting to read this thread, though, it''s made me wonder if we''ve actually brought out the competitiveness in friends/acquaintances who''ve brought up certain things to us at times. All in all, we really just base things on our own years to live rather than what others are doing...could we be setting the trend so to speak? Hmmm....as a DINK couple i guess we should ponder this...yawn.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Last time someone asked me when me and John are getting married, I simply said "Why don''t you ask him, it''s all up to him when he proposes." To which John simply answered "Definitely by the year 2026." Thanks a lot honey.

 

[Delster]

Hmmmmm, it is SO different over here!

I have two cousins (R and V) who are married and two more who are engaged (L and S). When they got married, both R and V were with their partners for longer than BF and I are together now (nearly 5 years). Of the two who are engaged, L was with his GF three years I think when they got engaged (at 26 and 23) and the family did the Chinese whispers thing about why were they rushing. Same thing with S, the family is whispering about them rushing (in this case it's about 18 months dating I think).

BF and I have two goods friend who just got engaged (to one another). They are 26 and are together ten years. We expect two more engagements between Christmas and next Summer - both couples are together 5 years or more.

We have ONE close friend who is married (not counting some of my work friends, who are older than me) and she is American. She started dating her husband about six weeks before BF and I started dating. After a year her mother told her to ditch him cos they weren't engaged yet and he was 'wasting her time'. She was 24 at the time. They got engaged within six months of that and they're married two years now with a beautiful baby. They're very happy. Our Irish friends all think they're nuts!

I guess all of those people have 'lapped' me? I honestly don't think of it that way. A part of me actually feels like if we get engaged this year it'll feel kind of SOON! I'm at the AGE in my life where I thought I'd get engaged but not in the PLACE in my life. I just never imagined I'd get engaged until I had bought my own house and set up my career. That's not how my life has played out, however.

Only ONE person has ever asked us when we're getting engaged and that was cousin V's mother, at V's wedding. She was tipsy on all the wedding romance in the air and interrogated us all! She asked the usual Irish thing of "ah now when are you going to us a day out?" and we all just fobbed her off onto cousin L, whose wedding is next up! Question easily dodged

 

[nebe]

Date: 11/6/2007 7:51:24 PM
Author: MoonWater
Hahahahaha nebe you are hilarious! I've been lapped, but I also haven't been impressed with the relationships that have/are lapping me and expect their divorces to lap me as well.

I'd like to thank the Academy.

 

[anchor31]

I''m not sure I understand why it is/would be so upsetting. I was a LIW myself in 2005/2006 and I know how frustrating the waiting is, but I don''t understand why some people act like it''s a race or something. FI and I got "lapped" by my cousin who got engaged after 2 months, and his cousin who got married at 19 after a year or two. Honestly, I don''t care that they did it before us and wish them the best. Yes, some marry quickly, some marry young (some both!). Some make it (my parents we''re married at 19/24 after knowing each other for 21 months and are still blissfully happy 33 years later), some don''t. Why does it matter so much to you what other people do?

I''m not trying to be mean here, I guess I''m just genuinely curious.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/7/2007 11:57:09 AM
Author: Delster
Hmmmmm, it is SO different over here!

It''s so true isn''t it! I will be with D one month shy of our ten year anniversary when we get married and the amount of people that have said, ah wait, sure it''s too early to be getting married then! I honestly don''t know one person that has gotten engaged before they were going out at least 6 years.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/7/2007 3:25:20 PM
Author: anchor31
I''m not sure I understand why it is/would be so upsetting. I was a LIW myself in 2005/2006 and I know how frustrating the waiting is, but I don''t understand why some people act like it''s a race or something. FI and I got ''lapped'' by my cousin who got engaged after 2 months, and his cousin who got married at 19 after a year or two. Honestly, I don''t care that they did it before us and wish them the best. Yes, some marry quickly, some marry young (some both!). Some make it (my parents we''re married at 19/24 after knowing each other for 21 months and are still blissfully happy 33 years later), some don''t. Why does it matter so much to you what other people do?

I''m not trying to be mean here, I guess I''m just genuinely curious.

I''m guessing for some, everything is a competition. For others, they could care less who wins, they''re just bummed that they are not even in the race yet.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/7/2007 4:30:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/7/2007 3:25:20 PM
Author: anchor31
I''m not sure I understand why it is/would be so upsetting. I was a LIW myself in 2005/2006 and I know how frustrating the waiting is, but I don''t understand why some people act like it''s a race or something. FI and I got ''lapped'' by my cousin who got engaged after 2 months, and his cousin who got married at 19 after a year or two. Honestly, I don''t care that they did it before us and wish them the best. Yes, some marry quickly, some marry young (some both!). Some make it (my parents we''re married at 19/24 after knowing each other for 21 months and are still blissfully happy 33 years later), some don''t. Why does it matter so much to you what other people do?

I''m not trying to be mean here, I guess I''m just genuinely curious.

I''m guessing for some, everything is a competition. For others, they could care less who wins, they''re just bummed that they are not even in the race yet.

I suppose so. *shrugs* TGal, you are the voice of reason as always.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/7/2007 4:53:31 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 11/7/2007 4:30:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/7/2007 3:25:20 PM
Author: anchor31

I'm not sure I understand why it is/would be so upsetting. I was a LIW myself in 2005/2006 and I know how frustrating the waiting is, but I don't understand why some people act like it's a race or something. FI and I got 'lapped' by my cousin who got engaged after 2 months, and his cousin who got married at 19 after a year or two. Honestly, I don't care that they did it before us and wish them the best. Yes, some marry quickly, some marry young (some both!). Some make it (my parents we're married at 19/24 after knowing each other for 21 months and are still blissfully happy 33 years later), some don't. Why does it matter so much to you what other people do?

I'm not trying to be mean here, I guess I'm just genuinely curious.

I'm guessing for some, everything is a competition. For others, they could care less who wins, they're just bummed that they are not even in the race yet.

I suppose so. *shrugs* TGal, you are the voice of reason as always.

I noticed when this "lapping" thing happened, for sure, but I don't think it's a competition thing (someone correct me if I'm wrong?). It used to bother me in that those occurrences would prompt "ooh, I hope you're next" and "wow, they've been together a lot less time than you have, and you guys aren't even engaged yet!" comments... when I would have preferred (especially at that stage) to just keep my relationship from being discussed at all. (ETA: Even though I know those people only mean well, it's still annoying!

)

So when a couple got engaged or married that had been together less time (I'm talking MUCH less, as in 5:1 ratio or something) than us, it always meant having to brace myself for the inevitable barrage of questions. As happy as I was for that couple, it always stirs the pot with mutual friends

if yanno what I mean.

Anyway, that's my take on it. Dunno if that's where the "bothersome" thing comes from in other people...

 

[largirl]

Date: 11/7/2007 5:06:06 PM
Author: musey

Date: 11/7/2007 4:53:31 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 11/7/2007 4:30:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/7/2007 3:25:20 PM
Author: anchor31

I''m not sure I understand why it is/would be so upsetting. I was a LIW myself in 2005/2006 and I know how frustrating the waiting is, but I don''t understand why some people act like it''s a race or something. FI and I got ''lapped'' by my cousin who got engaged after 2 months, and his cousin who got married at 19 after a year or two. Honestly, I don''t care that they did it before us and wish them the best. Yes, some marry quickly, some marry young (some both!). Some make it (my parents we''re married at 19/24 after knowing each other for 21 months and are still blissfully happy 33 years later), some don''t. Why does it matter so much to you what other people do?

I''m not trying to be mean here, I guess I''m just genuinely curious.

I''m guessing for some, everything is a competition. For others, they could care less who wins, they''re just bummed that they are not even in the race yet.

I suppose so. *shrugs* TGal, you are the voice of reason as always.

I noticed when this ''lapping'' thing happened, for sure, but I don''t think it''s a competition thing (someone correct me if I''m wrong?). It used to bother me in that those occurrences would prompt ''ooh, I hope you''re next'' and ''wow, they''ve been together a lot less time than you have, and you guys aren''t even engaged yet!'' comments... when I would have preferred (especially at that stage) to just keep my relationship from being discussed at all. (ETA: Even though I know those people only mean well, it''s still annoying!

)

So when a couple got engaged or married that had been together less time (I''m talking MUCH less, as in 5:1 ratio or something) than us, it always meant having to brace myself for the inevitable barrage of questions. As happy as I was for that couple, it always stirs the pot with mutual friends

if yanno what I mean.

Anyway, that''s my take on it. Dunno if that''s where the ''bothersome'' thing comes from in other people...

That''s exactly it! And also like a few others said earlier, you get those pity looks and people who feel like your relationship isn''t as valid because you aren''t engaged or married. It''s that, the questions, the "When-will-you''s", and the inevitible discussion that it leads to that I hate. It''s not a compitition, although there is a little jealousy that something I wanted so badly happened to someone else so quickly, but that can happen with anything, from a friend getting a promotion you wanted to something like this.

 

[nebe]

Date: 11/7/2007 4:30:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

I''m guessing for some, everything is a competition. For others, they could care less who wins, they''re just bummed that they are not even in the race yet.

Tgal, I adore you

 

[musey]

largirl, the "pity" looks actually don't bother me. Well, not any further than the sadness that comes with realizing someone is more petty than I thought, anyway

I just really don't appreciate (or think it's appropriate) that someone else's relationship milestones somehow inevitably direct attention to my own relationship. How that makes sense, I'll never know. People don't seem to be satisfied with one happy couple's event, they have to begin questioning the progress of whomever they think is "next in line." With friends and acquaintances, I don't get it at all. What do they care what "status" my relationship is at?

With my family, I know it's often because the parents/grandparents want to see everyone "settled," so they have a "one down, two to go" mentality about it. It's fine, and I get it, but I will still reserve the right to be annoyed by it

My cousin's recent baby addition is very exciting for her, yet somehow it's planted the idea in my parents' heads that "oh yeah, BABIES, that's what comes next!! Sooo, Musey..."

That's the way it always goes. So my being bothered by her "beating me to the baby" has nothing to do with jealousy (as I don't even WANT a baby), just that it seems to then place pressure on me to live up to their expectations.

This is my favorite recent conversation w/ my dad: "Well, Katie just had her third child, and she's only 25. You're 23, so it's not as if you're too young. All I'm saying is that you'll be turning 24 during your first year of marriage, so there's no reason to put it off..."

 

[isaku5]

I was curious when I saw this thread because my first thought was....Hey, it''s about having a lap dance from a Chippendale; that''s gotta be good reading. Alas, I plead guilty to first degree assumption.

I''m amazed at all the new words and expressions I''ve leaned while on PS:

push present - put me down for two of those

maternity ring - one in each colour please

birth present - a larger one appropriate for the one above, and now

lapped - I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 so I wasn''t "lapped" in the curent use of the word

Now, where the heck are those Chippendale guys???

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/7/2007 5:06:06 PM
Author: musey

I noticed when this ''lapping'' thing happened, for sure, but I don''t think it''s a competition thing (someone correct me if I''m wrong?). It used to bother me in that those occurrences would prompt ''ooh, I hope you''re next'' and ''wow, they''ve been together a lot less time than you have, and you guys aren''t even engaged yet!'' comments... when I would have preferred (especially at that stage) to just keep my relationship from being discussed at all. (ETA: Even though I know those people only mean well, it''s still annoying!

)

So when a couple got engaged or married that had been together less time (I''m talking MUCH less, as in 5:1 ratio or something) than us, it always meant having to brace myself for the inevitable barrage of questions. As happy as I was for that couple, it always stirs the pot with mutual friends

if yanno what I mean.

Anyway, that''s my take on it. Dunno if that''s where the ''bothersome'' thing comes from in other people...

Your explanation makes a lot of sense, and I guess I never thought of it that way because it never happened to me. The only people who "lapped" us are the two I mentioned and my cousin''s engagement did not raise questions for us since I was 20. As for FI''s young cousin, he was not engaged when we saw his last New Year''s (but we were), and I think he was engaged for about two months before his wedding last April.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 11/7/2007 7:23:16 PM
Author: musey
largirl, the ''pity'' looks actually don''t bother me. Well, not any further than the sadness that comes with realizing someone is more petty than I thought, anyway

I just really don''t appreciate (or think it''s appropriate) that someone else''s relationship milestones somehow inevitably direct attention to my own relationship. How that makes sense, I''ll never know. People don''t seem to be satisfied with one happy couple''s event, they have to begin questioning the progress of whomever they think is ''next in line.'' With friends and acquaintances, I don''t get it at all. What do they care what ''status'' my relationship is at?

With my family, I know it''s often because the parents/grandparents want to see everyone ''settled,'' so they have a ''one down, two to go'' mentality about it. It''s fine, and I get it, but I will still reserve the right to be annoyed by it

My cousin''s recent baby addition is very exciting for her, yet somehow it''s planted the idea in my parents'' heads that ''oh yeah, BABIES, that''s what comes next!! Sooo, Musey...''

That''s the way it always goes. So my being bothered by her ''beating me to the baby'' has nothing to do with jealousy (as I don''t even WANT a baby), just that it seems to then place pressure on me to live up to their expectations.

This is my favorite recent conversation w/ my dad: ''Well, Katie just had her third child, and she''s only 25. You''re 23, so it''s not as if you''re too young. All I''m saying is that you''ll be turning 24 during your first year of marriage, so there''s no reason to put it off...''

Musey - this is exactly how I see it also. Others should not be as concerned with who is next in line or "you guys have been together for x years, what are you waiting for?" mentality. I know it is only meant with the best of intentions, but it goes a long way towards making many a LIW anxious and this is often where that feeling of being "lapped" comes in, fight it as we may. Just yesterday, I got the whole "when am I going to see an engagement ring on your finger" bit from my mom, and I''ve been getting the same kind of comments from several of my married girlfriends. I just try my best to take it all in stride (not always easy, trust me) and know that my bf and I are moving at a pace that WE''RE happy with, which sometimes can be easier said than done. So all you LIWs - know that your time will come, when it is the right time for YOU and FH, and do your best not to let others bring you down because THEY feel it''s the right time. Hang in there! And much fairy dust to all the LIWs

 

[DMBsGirl]

i''ve been lapped so many times it doesn''t phase me anymore. I''ve been lapped with engagements, weddings and BABIES from couples who have known each other less time, lol. LAPPED SHMAPPED!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 11/7/2007 7:33:26 PM
Author: isaku5
I was curious when I saw this thread because my first thought was....Hey, it''s about having a lap dance from a Chippendale; that''s gotta be good reading. Alas, I plead guilty to first degree assumption.

I''m amazed at all the new words and expressions I''ve leaned while on PS:

push present - put me down for two of those

maternity ring - one in each colour please

birth present - a larger one appropriate for the one above, and now

lapped - I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 so I wasn''t ''lapped'' in the curent use of the word

Now, where the heck are those Chippendale guys???

hahaha!! ...i''m still trying to figure out all the acronyms. i got BF (durr), but FI? DH? there is much confusion to be had along with all the great info. a little help please!!

 

[musey]

Date: 11/8/2007 4:36:24 PM
Author: sunnyd

hahaha!! ...i''m still trying to figure out all the acronyms. i got BF (durr), but FI? DH? there is much confusion to be had along with all the great info. a little help please!!

acronyms/abbreviations/slang used on forums

pricescope slang defined

 

[tberube]

Eh, yeah. Almost every one of my friends have been not only engaged, but married before FH and I. At work I'd sit in meetings and notice that every single person in the room had a wedding ring on. And any friends of mine who were unmarried were fancy-free single and loving the lack of attachment. Me, I was ever "just the girlfriend." That's how I felt - I watched all my friends date and marry and have children, while I was stuck in not one, but two long-term relationships that seemed to have an invisible ceiling on them - which resided right above cohabitation.

The toughest "lappings" that I went through were, similar to you, over friends who had much shorter relationships. But now, three or four years later I'm seeing half of them get divorced, and the other half in unhappy marriages.

This was precisely when I learned that I am lucky for the extra time. More time to plan, save money and get to know each other. Besides, the older you are when you get engaged, the larger your diamond is likely to be!!

ETA: I just remembered, before I was engaged I was on a discussion forum and mentioned that I'd been with my BF for over three years without a proposal and some 22 year old bride-to-be chimed in "wow, that's weird that you wouldn't be engaged after over a year of being with someone!" Weird? What a b*tch - I thought. Then I realized she'll be divorced before she's 25 and that made me feel better.

 

[tberube]

Date: 11/5/2007 2:55:42 PM
Author: mimzy

Date: 11/5/2007 2:09:23 PM

Author: Miscka

Date: 11/5/2007 1:04:52 PM


Author: mimzy


i hate that terminology, getting ''lapped''. it''s hard enough to fight off the ''race'' mentality as it is! that being said, it has depended on the couple. we''ve been lapped by at least five couples and are about to be lapped by another. i guess the only reason it bothers me it bothers me is because i get the glances of pity that scream ''poor you, your boyfriend isn''t ready to commit/mature enough/in love with you enough to jump at the chance to get engaged like mine did''. it wouldn''t be so bad if i knew it wasn''t true...but it is.....so it sucks, bigtime.

Gah!!!! I hate this! I know exactly what you mean about the look...but you think its true?

Miscka, i hate it too! and yes, it sounds harsh, but it is 100% true. in my case it''s reason B that we aren''t engaged yet. my FF is having a seriously hard time getting himself ready to get engaged (i.e. mature enough). We could have been engaged 8 or 9 months ago if he didn''t have a serious peter pan complex. and it''s because of that complex that he didn''t ''jump at the chance'', you know what i mean? so it''s sad, but true!



deco, you''re probably right...but the glances never come when they announce their engagement, as i don''t think i''ve ever been around when that has happened, so it''s not like i''m raining on anyones parade with my ''woe is me'' looks, ya know?. it''s always after, when it''s small talk and the timespan that we''ve been dating comes up. it''s THEN that i get those glances,as they shift nervously, looking at their ring. The words ''almost three years'' come out of my mouth and immediately i get an ''awwwohh'' response. the other times it''s outright smugness! but either way i''m just not indignant enough to even pretend that i don''t care or it doesn''t bother me.

Mimzy, I got those looks for years. I caught them every time, and hated every second of it. It never helps. Now that I''m on the other side of the fence, I know better than to sit smugly on my high-engaged-horse and give those looks. Now that I''m engaged I''ll never tell someone "ohhh, don''t worry sweetie - your time will come" or give that "poor you" look to any of my friends (not that I have many unmarried ones to give it to...). I really do try my best to let them know that I get it. Because I understand what its like!!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/12/2007 1:25:51 PM
Author: tberube

ETA: I just remembered, before I was engaged I was on a discussion forum and mentioned that I'd been with my BF for over three years without a proposal and some 22 year old bride-to-be chimed in 'wow, that's weird that you wouldn't be engaged after over a year of being with someone!' Weird? What a b*tch - I thought. Then I realized she'll be divorced before she's 25 and that made me feel better.

Not to be evil but that's exactly how I look at these lap situations. Sure, there are some folks that are mature when they are younger and know what they are doing. Heck, I was severely mature when I was younger, though I can't claim I knew what I was doing. I just think this huge rush to be married and judging others who have been in longer relationships but are not is absurd. You really do GET TO KNOW THE PERSON BETTER. That is something only time and good communication can do (and good communication tends to come with time).

I remember one girl, she got engaged in a very public way which was very hollywood movie-like romantic. She told the story on her myspace and she on the surface appeared to be a very lucky gal (for anyone who's into cheesy romantic type stuff). Well she only knew the guy for a few months and it didn't end well. Luckily before they were married, but still. There is something to be said for taking your time. ETA: and NOT bragging! lol, how embarassing.

 

[rubybeth]

Hello everyone, another first time poster here.

I started reading the boards a month ago when I got serious "lady-in-waiting fever" and actually managed to get my boyfriend interested in looking at some ring ideas online. This topic of getting "lapped" really hits home this week.

I''ve known my boyfriend, who I''ll call S, since high school, nearly 10 years ago. We kept in contact over the years, and blah blah a few romantic stories later, we''ve now been dating two years (as of last Wednesday!). I''m in grad school, he''s working on turning his B.A. into a teaching degree, we both live at home, and gosh, it would be nice to at least be engaged until we can get done with school and afford the moving in together part of it, you know? But alas, I am the financial genius and the saver, and he''s more like the free-spirit with the big imagination.

So, I''m waiting. But, as I''m waiting, pretty much all of my younger cousins have gotten pregnant, engaged, and married (often in that order).

I got lapped the night before our anniversary when I opened an e-mail from one of my cousins who is 20 and proposed to his girlfriend of 7 months a weekend ago. This was kind of shocking because I''m close to turning 27 and the soonest I''d probably be married is 29! (Which I think is still pretty young, but whatever.) Holy moses, did that ever make me feel ancient. I don''t even think I need to mention that I have another cousin who is having her fourth baby in five years and wants to be done having kids by the time she''s 30. Um, I''ll be literally touched by the hand of God before I would make such a pronouncement.

Maybe it''s just a midwestern mentality to get married so young, and I was born in the wrong region? Also, somebody (can''t remember who, sorry!) mentioned Irish men being slower to propose... well, S is more than half Irish, so maybe I can blame it on that, instead of the cost of tuition.

Thanks for having such a wonderful forum of great people to talk about these things!

rubybeth

 

[musey]

rubybeth, you should post your intro in the main LIW forum!