getting lapped?

[Deelight]

Date: 11/7/2007 4:16:45 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 11/7/2007 11:57:09 AM

Author: Delster

Hmmmmm, it is SO different over here!

It''s so true isn''t it! I will be with D one month shy of our ten year anniversary when we get married and the amount of people that have said, ah wait, sure it''s too early to be getting married then! I honestly don''t know one person that has gotten engaged before they were going out at least 6 years.

Hrmmm I think I might move to Ireland YEEHA

 

[lxb87]

It happened again. I got lapped by my friend who''s 3 years younger than me. I''m not surprised that her BF asked her, but I am pretty shocked that it''s not closer to Christmas. Since I figured that potential lapping BFs would be asking GFs close to the holiday, I''d hoped I''d lump all the lappers together and not think about it for too long. Blerg.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i''ve been lapped again, i am so sick of it and i know the holidays aren''t going to get any better.
my best friend says the holidays are fun, and i said back "yeah, except when you want a commitment and a ring and everyone is getting one but you" uggggggggggggggh *pulls hair out*

 

[waiting1984]

Sorry, I just finally had to post after reading this thread! I don''t know if any of you have had this problem, but my friends that have "lapped" me are trying to give me relationship advice now since they got engaged and think they are oh so successful. Don''t get me wrong, my parents got married 6 months after they started dating and are still together over 20 years. Basically, what my friends are telling me is stuff like there are more fish in the sea, you should leave him ect. We''ve been together 4.5 years while one dated her guy for 2 months then got engaged and the other "dated" online for 6 months then moved to another state to live with him and then this past June (within a year or less) got engaged. *angry fist* /end vent

 

[pinkstars]

I hate it. My BF and I have been together for over 3 years, and right now there are 6 couples that we know to be getting married...mostly next year. 4 of which are close friends. And to be honest, what hurts and makes it the worst now is that one of my best friends passed away and I don't have somebody else to not be engaged with. Right now that's the worst part. Otherwise, I just think it's silly that nobody can wait and actually get to know the person their marrying.
Side note:
My friend got engaged a little over a month ago with everybody there. Me being how I am, started crying because it was so genuinely cute. But she wouldn't and couldn't enjoy her moment because I was crying and didn't understand why I was crying. I guess some people don't have tears of happiness?

 

[sandia_rose]

I hate it!!! My little brother and I got divorced at around the same time (3 years ago), and he got engaged at Thanksgving. He's been dating his fiancee a little under a year. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Then, I was having a huge problem with one of the guys in his band. He got divorced around the same time I did also and got married last summer. His wife, who's also a friend of mine, said to me at the reception, "So...have you and Tom discussed marriage?" When I said no, she said, "Oh, well I bet we'll be going to your wedding next summer." I'll believe that when I see it. And the absolute worst - my ex is engaged now too and just bought a house with his fiancee! Without being TMI as to how I came to this conclusion, I was pretty sure when I got divorced that my ex was either closet gay or bi-leaning-toward-men, so hearing that HE got engaged (to a woman) before me was an enormous shock.

Part of me is in no hurry to get married again. My boyfriend was divorced around the same time I was (we didn't know each other prior, by the way, and met a year after we were divorced), from a 20 year marriage from hell. He has alternately said that he would like to get married again someday and that he never will get married again. The answer you get from him depends on what day it is. Another part of me (the part that's driving the bus these days) wants to settle down and would like a ring soon. I could be engaged for a couple of years, but I would like a proposal and a ring and the commitment they imply. So I keep myself sane by telling myself that I didn't date my ex all that long before I married him - and look how that turned out - so hanging around until a bit more time goes by is probably smart. My boyfriend has a lot of life issues he is also struggling with - teenager problems, a terminally ill parent, an ex-wife that is a selfish/irresponsible/reluctantly involved parent that makes his parenting duties much heavier, etc. Getting engaged or insisting that we do isn't something I want to throw on top of his load right now.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[designchica]

I got lapped recently and it really hit me hard.

My boyfriend and I have been dating 18 months but back in March we broke up for one month. During that time I went on a few dates with different guys and one of the guys I acutally hit it off with and had plans for a second date. Well, boyfriend called me and wanted me back so I cancelled the second date with the other guy. Well, long story short, that guy that I went out with in March got married December first. And here I am back in the same relationship I was before (granted it is with a guy I''m very much in love with), with no proposal in sight.

I love my guy and want to be with him so its not I''m upset that that other guy got married, but I guess it just reinforced what I know to be true, some men are ready to be married and other men are not even close to being ready. My boyfriend falls into the second category.

 

[canadian_bling]

Hey guys, I''ll probably be shot for what I am going to say but I am someone who has got engaged after a year of dating and married 10 months after that, I would like to share the other side of the coin. I''m 27 and have been in 1 other 3 year relationship. Personally, I think that the decision to get married is a very personal one and it differs for every person. For some, they may know from the moment that they meet and for others, it may never happen eventhough they care very much for each other. I''ve had friends who have dated 6 years, married for less than two, and then divorced. On the other hand, I''ve known friends who have been together a short time, gotten married, and then divorced after a couple short years as well.

For me, the amount of time is not such a big factor, as the fact that the couple communicates their needs, have similar interests and goals, and generally want to be together and make each other happy.

My advice to girlfriends is always to communicate your goals and desires. As I come from a very traditional family, I am somewhat worried when I know friends living with their SO for a long time and for there to be no progress when the marriage issue comes up. Personally, I feel that women more often then not get the short end of the stick in such situations and I don''t want my friends to be seen as less valuable. However, everyone needs to determine the right time for marriage on their own terms and who am I to say what is right and wrong.

So sorry for this long e-mail but what I''m hoping to say in this e-mail is that I hope none of the lovely ladies here will take it to hard when married folk ask the when are you going to tie the knot. I make it a point just to ask close friends and I don''t give the poor you look if the answer is they don''t know. In addition, I hope that everyone who has been with their SO longer than me won''t think that I''ll be a statistic and that my relationship will fail because I haven''t been with my SO as long. Sure, if you don''t know and communicate with your SO, you may have more problems in your relationship. However, I certainly wouldn''t attribute it as the main reason that shorter relationships fail. I would hope that I and many other women who have dated there significant other for a period of a year or perhaps less, married them because we really saw a life and future with them and had already communicated our wants and desires.

Anyhoo, this is just my 2 cents.

Holding up the shield....

 

[gwendolyn]

My boyfriend and I haven''t been together all that long, so I''m not really feeling any huge rush to get engaged (plus we''ve been living in separate countries most of our relationship, and I want to make sure we''ve spent plenty of time physically together before promising to get married). Most of my friends have gotten married this past year, and I''m still in no rush because I want to make sure it''s right for us. Even though I''ll be turning (dundunDUNNNN!) 30 in March.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

It''s funny how some topics resurface.

Anyway, just needed to vent that I''ve been lapped by pretty much everyone now.

As of last Tuesday, I am officially the last one in my group of friends to be waiting for a proposal.

I''m not going to let it bring me down (*snarky snicker*).

 

[gwendolyn]

Hmm, a friend of mine got engaged this week to his girlfriend of about 8 months, and it kind of worries me because he''s never had any other relationship and she gives off this creepy Stepford vibe...

 

[chocolatefudge]

I can totally understand were you are all coming from regarding being ''lapped.'' I''ve been with bf for almost 7 years and still no proposal I have been with bf longer than any of my unmarried friends or family have been with their partners and I''m sorry to say it but I would be sooooo jealous if any of them announced an engagement before me. That may make me sound like a horrible person and of course I would not let them know that I was feeling this way but that''s the way it is.

 

[MissErin]

I''ll comment on this because I totally get this feeling. I have had 4 different friends get engaged before me and their relationships are less then mine with Eric.

The most recent is a friend from a play I did. She has only been with her boyfriend for 3 months and just got engaged.

I have been with Eric for almost 3 years and kind of felt...sad...

Then I realized, it''s not a race.

Eric loves me and when the time is right he will propose.

It''s hard sometimes but I stay mostly upbeat knowing my time will come.

Yet I fully understand your feelings.

Things will come soon.

Just keep thinking positive.