getting lost in stupid stuff

[vc10um]

On this end, I had been feeling like I've been making such great progress and getting so many things checked off our list. I've been getting things done right and left, and then today I had a complete meltdown. Over place cards. Then FI went and said something stupid, so that set me off even more and I melted down even further. WTF is wrong with me? Why do I care so much about what the damned place cards look like?!

Oh my...I know that feeling! It's always the little things, isn't it? Sorry your FI said something that kicked you while you were down. Hopefully you've shrugged it off and moved on. Are you just having difficulties making the place cards, or deciding what you want, or what? Maybe we can help?

 

[audball]

aud- Welcome to BWW (officially)!! Beginning the planning process is certainly overwhelming, I totally feel your pain. Keep us posted on your progress or even just your thoughts, and hopefully we can help!

Thank you ss!

 

[audball]

Can you tell I'm already stressed about the whole prospect?

When do you want to get married? Would a destination wedding be possible for you? This way you can elope, but with a small group of close friends/family and save a little on the crazy costs, while getting a nice vacation out of it. It's a darn shame that you don't know anyone with a decent sized yard! Although in all honesty, you're still going to have to pay for a tent (if you want one), tables and chairs, which does add up.

I just don't know how 1) anyone can actually afford to have a traditional wedding with these insane prices and 2) how you actually choose what *you* want to do that you hope not to regret.?

I don't get it either. Plus, I would NEVER want to spend so much money on one day. I think the way that most people choose is to do the DIY thing to save money, or go into debt. To me, debt isn't worth it! You have so many expectations from everyone on what your wedding should be like and the first thing I did with those was throw them out of the window! It was our day and I did a lot of non-traditional things because it was more us and less everyone else. You just have to prioritize your wants list and go from there. Also, I changed my mind about wedding stuff and didn't actually fully decide on the bridesmaids dresses until April (got married in September). I had one thing in mind for decorations and I changed my mind. You just have to sit down and thing of what will make your day the best day it can be. While I went with stuff I liked before getting engaged, when it came down to making actual decisions for the big day and not just dreams, I realized I wanted something totally different than what I thought I would. And it all turned out to be extra fabulous and beautiful in our eyes and that is all that mattered to us!

We're not setting a date just yet, but are roughly thinking between July and December of 2014, somewhere in there. So about 1 1/2-2 years out. Plenty of time certainly. I really don't think a destination wedding would work as almost nobody on my side of the family could afford to attend and even some from fiance's side wouldn't be able to swing it. And yes, not knowing anyone with a decent sized yard really is a darn shame because I would be completely happy with a casual backyard wedding catered by our favorite gourmet deli. But also true that the extra costs of renting all the tables/chairs/etc really does add up.

As for the affording it/not regretting choices business - I really just can't picture spending that much money on a single day regardless of whether we can save it up and have it. I'm practical to my very core and I think I would always be "what if"ing what we could have done with that money. Fiance's sister told me something on Christmas day that has been sitting with me since. "It's only one day, but it's only one day." And by that she means that while yes it is crazy to spend all you have to your name for a one day event, on the other hand it really is your one day, your only day to celebrate your love in front of people that matter to you. It is an event that does deserve some attention and money and celebration, we just need to find the balance of where we are comfortable.

I've been reading a lot on offbeatbride and other sites that tend to focus on budget planning, but it frustrates me to NO END that people say "we're throwing a 2k wedding!" and then when you read the details you find out that the parents paid for the food, the venue is a free backyard, a friend who just so happens to be a photographer has gifted their services, their friend who jus tso happens to be a baker is gifting a cake, a friend of the parents who just so happens to be ordained is officiating as a gift...blah. In my mind the total cost of your wedding includes the VALUE of those things even if you aren't the one paying for them! So NO. You did NOT throw a 2k wedding. You just only had to pay 2k out of pocket for YOUR PORTION of the costs. End rant. Hah.

And yes, I know I need to throw convention out the window. We've talked about what *we* would want and I think we can do it in a budget friendly way, but I'm worried others will hate it or talk badly about our event behind our backs. I know I shouldn't care, but paying money for something (no matter how much) and planning it, an event to celebrate us, is not something I want anyone being negative about. I guess that sounds silly because humans are judgmental creatures, but I don't want people to hate our wedding or, particular for the out of towners, I don't want them to think it wasn't worth traveling for.

Thanks for listening. I'm a little stressed already!

 

[audball]

Cost wise, without a doubt I would have eloped if my parents hadn't told me like 10 years ago that they'd cry if I did, and that they would help pay. Even so, we're going to go overbudget/ out of pocket. What are you going to do?

I feel like I've spent the last 3 months in a near-constant fog of getting lost in stupid stuff.

I can't wait till this is over. Two months and two days to go!

I'm not good at this stuff.

Okay, back to looking on the bright side.

We keep thinking about eloping too. We always had talked through our whole relationship that it's what we'd do. I'm the one semi-renigging. I'm not super close to my family and those I am close to understood wanting to avoid the cost. But since we got together, I've gotten to know fiance's family better and better and I'm having a harder time imagining not celebrating with them and with my few super close friends and my sisters. Sigh.

 

[audball]

aud, have you checked with some non-traditional venues? Do you live near a large university at all? Many will have lovely gardens/conservatories/arboretums available at reasonable rental rates. Also check with local B&Bs (you can often rent the Inn for the whole weekend, and the bonus is your absolute nearest and dearest have a place to stay) who can probably accommodate parties of your size. DH and I got married a restaurant's private banquet facility. Check with your favorite places to see if they have private rooms or banquet facilities...often times the venue rental fee is minimal or nil, since they'll be getting all your food $$. My sister is getting married at the Zoo...100 people, $11,000 budget, and while that and photography eat up most of the money, the venue is all-inclusive (with the exception of decor and cake, but the on-site bakery is awesome and reasonably priced) and requires little additional ornamentation.

If you've already checked out these types of facilities, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to make sure you hadn't left anything out!

Thanks for the tips. We have tried to think out of the box for some ideas.

I work for a large university and Andrew just graduated from here (me three years ago). We also met here. We have beautiful botanical gardens that do weddings and while the rental itself is pretty affordable ($400 for the day) it includes NOTHING and we'd have to do tables, chairs, tents, table clothes, serving ware, lighting, everything. They also have some exclusive vendors that have to be used for some things so it looks like it would add up quickly.

We also got engaged at the Florida Botanical Gardens and they do weddings but again, same thing, we'd have to get everything and have some restrictions on vendors too. And ultimately when it comes down to it, we live in FL. The weather here (to us) sucks and is always unpredictable. It came be 90 and sunny in December. It can be cool in October or it can be blazing hot. It can be humid at any given moment and 9 months a year rain happens nearly daily at unpredictable times. I just can't see being an outdoor venue bride. I'm stressed about enough other things, I don't need to stress about weather. I want a beautiful indoor space from the get go so I don't have to settle for the less nice "inclement weather" option that outdoor venues tend to have. I hope that doesn't sound crazy! I would absolutely love an outdoor wedding if weather were a bit more predictable, but it just isn't here.

We have looked at some B&Bs. I personally love the idea, but have yet to find one that we like. A lot of the B&Bs in FL are very beachy and we do not want to get married outside, or on the beach. Finding a balance of a non-beachy venue will be challenging, but we're still looking.

There are some restaurants that have private rooms. One in particular we like, but his brother used it for their rehearsal dinner this past March so I'm not sure about playing copy cat, especially since half the guests or a little more, will have just been there. Again, still looking, but of all the choices a restaurant wedding/reception is most appealing since it would be indoors.

Tampa also has a zoo and an aquarium, both which do weddings, but they include very little and costs add up quickly. We are looking to keep it small and affordable to us since neither or our families can help financially.

I really would love some all-inclusive, or semi all-inclusive so that some things (tables/chairs/linens) don't have to be rented or dealt with, but the more inclusive the more $$ it seems...

 

[audball]

On this end, I had been feeling like I've been making such great progress and getting so many things checked off our list. I've been getting things done right and left, and then today I had a complete meltdown. Over place cards. Then FI went and said something stupid, so that set me off even more and I melted down even further. WTF is wrong with me? Why do I care so much about what the damned place cards look like?!

Oh my...I know that feeling! It's always the little things, isn't it? Sorry your FI said something that kicked you while you were down. Hopefully you've shrugged it off and moved on. Are you just having difficulties making the place cards, or deciding what you want, or what? Maybe we can help?

Oh ss! Don't feel bad. It's crazy just how much stupid little things end up getting to you (hence this thread in the first place!). All you can do is apologize for being short and talk it out. I hope you decide on place cards! Can we help? Let us know!

 

[vc10um]

aud, have you checked with some non-traditional venues? Do you live near a large university at all? Many will have lovely gardens/conservatories/arboretums available at reasonable rental rates. Also check with local B&Bs (you can often rent the Inn for the whole weekend, and the bonus is your absolute nearest and dearest have a place to stay) who can probably accommodate parties of your size. DH and I got married a restaurant's private banquet facility. Check with your favorite places to see if they have private rooms or banquet facilities...often times the venue rental fee is minimal or nil, since they'll be getting all your food $$. My sister is getting married at the Zoo...100 people, $11,000 budget, and while that and photography eat up most of the money, the venue is all-inclusive (with the exception of decor and cake, but the on-site bakery is awesome and reasonably priced) and requires little additional ornamentation.

If you've already checked out these types of facilities, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to make sure you hadn't left anything out!

Thanks for the tips. We have tried to think out of the box for some ideas.

I work for a large university and Andrew just graduated from here (me three years ago). We also met here. We have beautiful botanical gardens that do weddings and while the rental itself is pretty affordable ($400 for the day) it includes NOTHING and we'd have to do tables, chairs, tents, table clothes, serving ware, lighting, everything. They also have some exclusive vendors that have to be used for some things so it looks like it would add up quickly.

We also got engaged at the Florida Botanical Gardens and they do weddings but again, same thing, we'd have to get everything and have some restrictions on vendors too. And ultimately when it comes down to it, we live in FL. The weather here (to us) sucks and is always unpredictable. It came be 90 and sunny in December. It can be cool in October or it can be blazing hot. It can be humid at any given moment and 9 months a year rain happens nearly daily at unpredictable times. I just can't see being an outdoor venue bride. I'm stressed about enough other things, I don't need to stress about weather. I want a beautiful indoor space from the get go so I don't have to settle for the less nice "inclement weather" option that outdoor venues tend to have. I hope that doesn't sound crazy! I would absolutely love an outdoor wedding if weather were a bit more predictable, but it just isn't here.

We have looked at some B&Bs. I personally love the idea, but have yet to find one that we like. A lot of the B&Bs in FL are very beachy and we do not want to get married outside, or on the beach. Finding a balance of a non-beachy venue will be challenging, but we're still looking.

There are some restaurants that have private rooms. One in particular we like, but his brother used it for their rehearsal dinner this past March so I'm not sure about playing copy cat, especially since half the guests or a little more, will have just been there. Again, still looking, but of all the choices a restaurant wedding/reception is most appealing since it would be indoors.

Tampa also has a zoo and an aquarium, both which do weddings, but they include very little and costs add up quickly. We are looking to keep it small and affordable to us since neither or our families can help financially.

I really would love some all-inclusive, or semi all-inclusive so that some things (tables/chairs/linens) don't have to be rented or dealt with, but the more inclusive the more $$ it seems...

It does look like you've gone through many of the non-traditional options. If I have some free time this weekend, knowing in general where you are located, I'll see if I can find anything that seems "reasonable" to me in terms of cost. You do have plenty of time, though, so hopefully you're not too stressed yet!

 

[star sparkle]

Re: the place cards, I decided that I want to DIY them since I need fewer than 20, and I saw some really cute ones on etsy that I thought I could replicate. Problem was that we went to a few different craft stores and I couldn't find any paper or embellishments that I liked, and then I started getting frustrated and changing my plan. Then I couldn't find what I needed for the change(s) in my plan, so the frustration just kept snowballing. Not sure if I just need to scrap the whole idea and come up with something new, or just go back and try again.

HOLY COW, my wedding is in exactly a MONTH!! Is it time to start freaking out yet?

I ordered my veil but it hasn't arrived yet, hopefully soon. Ordered cufflinks for FI, they're not here yet either.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Aud, our total wedding costs came to about $6-7k (my parents wouldn't give me an exact figure) for 200 people. The thing is, we did pretty much EVERYTHING ourselves! This included the food (which was a ton of work, but soooo worth it), decorations, invitations, my dress, etc. It seems close to impossible now that I think about it, but I LOVED how our day turned out. When doing the planning, I was getting a ton of pressure from the in laws about having an actual dance floor, but I just couldn't just justify paying an additional $700, PLUS getting a larger tent (more money) for the floor to fit under, since we couldn't have it out in the open. I WANTED the damn floor out in the open and wasn't willing to compromise. They were so worried about (gasp!) what will people think?! And I flat out told them that I didn't give a damn and it was our wedding so if people hated it, they could blame us. That said EVERYONE got out and danced in the grass under white lights and the stars and I had so many people come up to us saying that they loved how laid back everything was (read: NOT pretentious!) and that if they could have done it again (this from most of DH's family) they would totally have done something more relaxed like we did. Honestly, some people won't like whatever you do, regardless of what you do. Who cares though?! The more you love your own wedding plan, the less you will care who doesn't like it. Doing a budget wedding CAN be done (who would have guessed that a wedding for 200 would be under $20k?!), but you have to really pick and choose what is important to you and make the sacrifices with what isn't. Plus, if you honest to goodness hate DIY stuff (hey girl, you've got a TON of time to get things done though!), then maybe enlisting a crafty friend to help could be an option for you. If not, then you're going to pay more. The more you're willing to do yourself, the less you will pay in the long run. It is all about prioritizing. You can't have a cheap wedding and expect to do none of the work for it, BUT you can have a fabulous wedding if you're willing to sacrifice things (and in the end, you'll be surprised how little those things mean to your day anyway).

 

[audball]

It does look like you've gone through many of the non-traditional options. If I have some free time this weekend, knowing in general where you are located, I'll see if I can find anything that seems "reasonable" to me in terms of cost. You do have plenty of time, though, so hopefully you're not too stressed yet!

Aw, that's sweet. I'm certainly open to suggestions! We're focusing on the Tampa area, Gainesville area, Orlando area overall as it's all near where we have family or within a reasonable driving commute.

 

[audball]

Re: the place cards, I decided that I want to DIY them since I need fewer than 20, and I saw some really cute ones on etsy that I thought I could replicate. Problem was that we went to a few different craft stores and I couldn't find any paper or embellishments that I liked, and then I started getting frustrated and changing my plan. Then I couldn't find what I needed for the change(s) in my plan, so the frustration just kept snowballing. Not sure if I just need to scrap the whole idea and come up with something new, or just go back and try again.

HOLY COW, my wedding is in exactly a MONTH!! Is it time to start freaking out yet?

I ordered my veil but it hasn't arrived yet, hopefully soon. Ordered cufflinks for FI, they're not here yet either.

That really is frustrating! I hope you were able to figure it out.

Can't wait to see it all come together!

 

[audball]

Stacey - WOW! You really did do awesome. We're mentally thinking 5-6k as our budget, but are only looking to have 30ish people in attendance. I think it should be doable. We're aiming for an early afternoon ceremony I think (after lunch, before dinner) and no dancing, just music and mingling. Nothing long, just some time to celebrate with family and friends. We're thinking of just doing appetizers and beer/wine. We're even thinking of doing it on a Monday to save on the venue rental.

I'm totally cool with some DIY stuff - I'm not super great at it, but I'm willing to try! Things like paper products and some decor stuff will be largely done by us I'd guess.

I think the mental thing for me is getting past what other people may think of our choices. I've gotta get over the fact that not everybody is going to love what we choose. I have to keep reminding myself that as long as it expresses us and that WE are happy with our decisions, that it's all that matters in the end.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Stacey - WOW! You really did do awesome. We're mentally thinking 5-6k as our budget, but are only looking to have 30ish people in attendance. I think it should be doable. We're aiming for an early afternoon ceremony I think (after lunch, before dinner) and no dancing, just music and mingling. Nothing long, just some time to celebrate with family and friends. We're thinking of just doing appetizers and beer/wine. We're even thinking of doing it on a Monday to save on the venue rental.

I'm totally cool with some DIY stuff - I'm not super great at it, but I'm willing to try! Things like paper products and some decor stuff will be largely done by us I'd guess.

I think the mental thing for me is getting past what other people may think of our choices. I've gotta get over the fact that not everybody is going to love what we choose. I have to keep reminding myself that as long as it expresses us and that WE are happy with our decisions, that it's all that matters in the end.

Why thank you! I just want you to know that the bolded part above is HUGE! The thing is, you will totally regret not doing it your way after it is done, so do what you and your FI like best! Trust me, it will SO BE WORTH IT in the end!

I think what you have planned is perfect and super intimate, which I think is lovely! Although putting my 2 cents in, I would much rather go to a Friday afternoon wedding than a Monday afternoon wedding...just putting it out there. Either way, once you figure things out, let us know and we can always help you out with fun DI ideas that are cheap AND easy! I did a lot of big impact/simple to do DIY things and I loved the end result. It can totally look like you tried really hard, when you actually don't lol I made pretty much everything and before the wedding I was SO NOT a DIY girl (Always wanted to be, but just couldn't bring my lazy butt to do things.). The good news is that if you start early, it won't feel so overwhelming because you will have a room full of wedding stuff finished and just waiting for the big day (that was how I did it). Although about 3-4 weeks before the wedding I had my MOH's and Mom over to help wrap the silverware (we bought the throw away stuff for the wedding...it was cheaper than renting and the costs are included in the sum above..plus, no dishes to do!) and finish painting jars with me. It was easy stuff, but with an assembly line of workers, we were able to get so much more done than I could have on my own. Oh and we also stamped the place mats that day, which was awesome to do as a group, but not so awesome to do on your own for 200 people.

 

[gem_anemone]

Audball if your ultimate goal is to spend X amount of dollars then you should stick to it. If you find that you are wanting things for your wedding, IMO go ahead and get it if it is reasonable and won't put you in debt, but I wouldn't recommend getting too far over your head. My original budget of $10K was what my parents offered to us and what DH and I could save by the day of the wedding. However, when I got bit by the bridal bug from viewing all the cool weddings on pinterest, offbeat bride, etc, everything that once seemed acceptable and affordable wasn't good enough for *my* wedding . Our $10K budget ended up being $16.2 (not including wedding/engagement rings). Now this wasn't all my fault as we ended up adding a honeymoon (~$1200), renting tents and chairs ($600), my DH's gift to me cost $1200, I paid for flowers that were supposed to be gifted ($200), I made my own centerpieces (which free ones came with the venue, kind of cheap looking though) and other frivolous decor ($800), we upgraded to top shelf liquor and added chair covers (~$450), my dress was $400 over budget and my accessories were hundreds over budget too etc as I am not even to the $6.2K!!!

That said now that it's all paid off....I wouldn't have changed it for the world! My wedding was awesome! And your FSIL is right. You only get to do it once, so do it well. And don't skimp on photography!!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

[quote="gem_anemone|1357160373|3345687"]And don't skimp on photography!! [/quote]

Totally agree with this! Find a photographer that you love and if the price is higher than you want, tell them what you're willing to spend and see if they'll work with you. My photographer did! I ended up getting her LONGER than the originally quoted time AND for $1k less. I just let her know that while I thought she was amazing, I couldn't justify spending $3k on photography. We got her down to $2k for about 9 hours and that also included a second photographer. PLUS, she offered to do a bridal shoot for free. She was still in my $6-7k spent (just so you know I'm not cutting corners on the budget I gave you lol). Just between us though, in seeing her pictures I think I could have justified the $3k...she was AMAZING!!!

 

[audball]

I have to keep reminding myself that as long as it expresses us and that WE are happy with our decisions, that it's all that matters in the end.

Why thank you! I just want you to know that the bolded part above is HUGE! The thing is, you will totally regret not doing it your way after it is done, so do what you and your FI like best! Trust me, it will SO BE WORTH IT in the end!

I think what you have planned is perfect and super intimate, which I think is lovely! Although putting my 2 cents in, I would much rather go to a Friday afternoon wedding than a Monday afternoon wedding...just putting it out there. Either way, once you figure things out, let us know and we can always help you out with fun DI ideas that are cheap AND easy! I did a lot of big impact/simple to do DIY things and I loved the end result. It can totally look like you tried really hard, when you actually don't lol I made pretty much everything and before the wedding I was SO NOT a DIY girl (Always wanted to be, but just couldn't bring my lazy butt to do things.). The good news is that if you start early, it won't feel so overwhelming because you will have a room full of wedding stuff finished and just waiting for the big day (that was how I did it). Although about 3-4 weeks before the wedding I had my MOH's and Mom over to help wrap the silverware (we bought the throw away stuff for the wedding...it was cheaper than renting and the costs are included in the sum above..plus, no dishes to do!) and finish painting jars with me. It was easy stuff, but with an assembly line of workers, we were able to get so much more done than I could have on my own. Oh and we also stamped the place mats that day, which was awesome to do as a group, but not so awesome to do on your own for 200 people.

It's true. I know we have to do it our way or we will most definitely be unhappy with the outcome and have regrets. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

I think our budget is realistic for the small party we have in mind. The Monday idea came about for one venue in particular that we have found and like. Their prices for Friday and Sunday are $1,800 for the venue, $2,000 on Saturday. Those "prime days" also have a catering minimum ($4,000) with their exclusive caterer. If you choose Monday-Thursday, the venue is only $800 with no catering minimum. I thought of Thursday, but figured not everyone could/would want to take off Friday and would then likely have to travel Wednesday night in order to be there since we're talking about an earlier in the day ceremony. We thought Monday would be better because people could travel to the city on Sunday without having to take work time and then only need to take off Monday since this place is within driving distance to home for 99% of the people on our intended list, back to work for Tuesday as usual. I know it's not the best to ask people to take time off work, but it seems pretty common in our circle. We've been to several Sunday night weddings lately that are out of town requiring us to be off work on Monday anyway so I think that's probably ok with most of our core people? Does that make sense or am I being naive to think Monday would be the best if choosing between Mon-Thurs?

When we get to that point I would LOVE some DIY tips for easy decor things and paper items that we can do ahead of time!

 

[audball]

Audball if your ultimate goal is to spend X amount of dollars then you should stick to it. If you find that you are wanting things for your wedding, IMO go ahead and get it if it is reasonable and won't put you in debt, but I wouldn't recommend getting too far over your head. My original budget of $10K was what my parents offered to us and what DH and I could save by the day of the wedding. However, when I got bit by the bridal bug from viewing all the cool weddings on pinterest, offbeat bride, etc, everything that once seemed acceptable and affordable wasn't good enough for *my* wedding . Our $10K budget ended up being $16.2 (not including wedding/engagement rings). Now this wasn't all my fault as we ended up adding a honeymoon (~$1200), renting tents and chairs ($600), my DH's gift to me cost $1200, I paid for flowers that were supposed to be gifted ($200), I made my own centerpieces (which free ones came with the venue, kind of cheap looking though) and other frivolous decor ($800), we upgraded to top shelf liquor and added chair covers (~$450), my dress was $400 over budget and my accessories were hundreds over budget too etc as I am not even to the $6.2K!!!

That said now that it's all paid off....I wouldn't have changed it for the world! My wedding was awesome! And your FSIL is right. You only get to do it once, so do it well. And don't skimp on photography!!

Thanks gem! That's priority #1 - setting the budget. We think we're comfortable with 5-6k though we still have to save to set it aside before we start setting dates/putting down deposits/making concrete plans. I'm definitely kind of anti-commercialized weddings so hopefully I'll avoid that bridal bug! I haven't signed up for pinterest and don't plan to. I am enjoying (most) things on OBB and A Practical Wedding, but PS is still my fave place! I totally appreciate you been there done that newlyweds chiming in! BWW has been so quiet lately! I DO NOT want to go over our set budget so that's what I want to set it FIRST and then start planning so that we can avoid going overboard.

Thank you so much for chiming in!

 

[audball]

And don't skimp on photography!!

Totally agree with this! Find a photographer that you love and if the price is higher than you want, tell them what you're willing to spend and see if they'll work with you. My photographer did! I ended up getting her LONGER than the originally quoted time AND for $1k less. I just let her know that while I thought she was amazing, I couldn't justify spending $3k on photography. We got her down to $2k for about 9 hours and that also included a second photographer. PLUS, she offered to do a bridal shoot for free. She was still in my $6-7k spent (just so you know I'm not cutting corners on the budget I gave you lol). Just between us though, in seeing her pictures I think I could have justified the $3k...she was AMAZING!!!

And YES! Photos are one of our priorities within our budget. I have racked my brain over and over trying to remember *details* of weddings I've attended and honestly can't remember what most people served for food (if it was longer than a year ago), what kind of flowers they had, etc. I do remember how happy/comfortable the couple seemed on the day of, I remember the venue where it was held and more/less what it looked like, and the PICTURES that I always go back to look at on FB, etc.

So I know that two priorities for me are:
1) A beautiful INDOOR venue appropriately sized for our small guest list that doesn't need a lot of extra decor
2) An awesome photographer to capture the day so we can remember it

I'm hoping that choosing an off day will help on the $$ of the photographer since most people get married Fri/Sat/Sun. The hard part will be avoiding all our "friends" (ie: people we know from high school, etc) that are "photographers". You know, the people who do it for fun/on the side/not their full time job. It's not that I don't want to support our acquaintances, but I want a professional.

 

[star sparkle]

I would agree that Monday is probably a better option than Thursday. Overall, though, you know my philophy - do what you want! If you want it on Monday, have it on Monday. If you want it on Thursday, have it on Thursday. The people who want to be there will be there, no matter what day it's on. Remember the drama with my SIL and figuring out a date because she was upset and thinking she wouldn't be able to come if we picked the date we did? Yeah, after all that, she'll be attending anyway.

My advice is not to plan your day around everyone else's schedule - get married when you want to, not when it's most convenient for your guests. They'll figure out a way to make it happen if they want to, especially since you'll be pretty local. It's not like you're asking them to travel to a destination wedding where it's super inconvenient for them and they have to take multiple days off work.

 

[audball]

I would agree that Monday is probably a better option than Thursday. Overall, though, you know my philophy - do what you want! If you want it on Monday, have it on Monday. If you want it on Thursday, have it on Thursday. The people who want to be there will be there, no matter what day it's on. Remember the drama with my SIL and figuring out a date because she was upset and thinking she wouldn't be able to come if we picked the date we did? Yeah, after all that, she'll be attending anyway.

My advice is not to plan your day around everyone else's schedule - get married when you want to, not when it's most convenient for your guests. They'll figure out a way to make it happen if they want to, especially since you'll be pretty local. It's not like you're asking them to travel to a destination wedding where it's super inconvenient for them and they have to take multiple days off work.

That's my thought, if it's going to be an off day (not Fri/Sat/Sun) that Monday seems to be the most realistic. And conveniently...our dating anniversary falls on a Monday in 2014!

I do remember that SIL drama - so glad you didn't cater to her! We will definitely do it our way. I would prefer a Fri/Sat/Sun, but that will depend on venue selection I guess. If we see this place we have in mind and LOVE it, it'll have to be Monday to be in budget.

 

[star sparkle]

So I know that two priorities for me are:
1) A beautiful INDOOR venue appropriately sized for our small guest list that doesn't need a lot of extra decor
2) An awesome photographer to capture the day so we can remember it

Haha, are you sure you don't want to have a CA destination wedding? Seriously, my venue would be PERFECT for you!

 

[audball]

So I know that two priorities for me are:
1) A beautiful INDOOR venue appropriately sized for our small guest list that doesn't need a lot of extra decor
2) An awesome photographer to capture the day so we can remember it

Haha, are you sure you don't want to have a CA destination wedding? Seriously, my venue would be PERFECT for you!

Haha, I would LOVE to. Unfortunately, anything "destination", as in, more than a 3ish hour drive for our family members, would have to be an elopement because our family simply does not have the means to travel that far.

We just may have to honeymoon in California though and visit you two while we're there!

 

[star sparkle]

That's my thought, if it's going to be an off day (not Fri/Sat/Sun) that Monday seems to be the most realistic. And conveniently...our dating anniversary falls on a Monday in 2014!

I do remember that SIL drama - so glad you didn't cater to her! We will definitely do it our way. I would prefer a Fri/Sat/Sun, but that will depend on venue selection I guess. If we see this place we have in mind and LOVE it, it'll have to be Monday to be in budget.

Ooh, that sounds like it would be a fun wedding date!

I'm glad, too!

I think you mentioned that you've made appointments to visit some venues? Will that be happening soon?

 

[star sparkle]

Haha, I would LOVE to. Unfortunately, anything "destination", as in, more than a 3ish hour drive for our family members, would have to be an elopement because our family simply does not have the means to travel that far.

Yeah, I hear ya on that one. We would have totally done an awesome destination wedding but the people I most want there (mom, brother) would not have been able to afford the cost of travelling, and we wouldn't have been able to pick up their tab. So, close to home it is!

We just may have to honeymoon in California though and visit you two while we're there!

Woohoo!

 

[audball]

We just may have to honeymoon in California though and visit you two while we're there!

Woohoo!

Woot indeed!

 

[audball]

That's my thought, if it's going to be an off day (not Fri/Sat/Sun) that Monday seems to be the most realistic. And conveniently...our dating anniversary falls on a Monday in 2014!

I do remember that SIL drama - so glad you didn't cater to her! We will definitely do it our way. I would prefer a Fri/Sat/Sun, but that will depend on venue selection I guess. If we see this place we have in mind and LOVE it, it'll have to be Monday to be in budget.

Ooh, that sounds like it would be a fun wedding date!

I'm glad, too!

I think you mentioned that you've made appointments to visit some venues? Will that be happening soon?

Yeah, it could be fun. Our anniversary date is 7/14 so it would be 7/14/14. The other date we're considering is the week before our anniversary because it would be cool (7/7/14!). I'm not sure if we'd get flack for that because it would be over the 4th of July weekend but I kind of like the thought that going forward in the future our anniversary would always be near a 3 day weekend, even if not on the long weekend itself.

As for the venues, we've mostly just email contacted people. The one we're most interested in we just emailed to see about seeing on MLK day since I'm off work (so that would be the 21st). *fingers crossed* that we like it! It seems perfect and would be in budget for a Monday.

 

[star sparkle]

Yeah, it could be fun. Our anniversary date is 7/14 so it would be 7/14/14. The other date we're considering is the week before our anniversary because it would be cool (7/7/14!). I'm not sure if we'd get flack for that because it would be over the 4th of July weekend but I kind of like the thought that going forward in the future our anniversary would always be near a 3 day weekend, even if not on the long weekend itself.

Haha, that sounds like me. I joke with FI that he should be glad that our anniversary will forever be near Valentine's Day, so that our anniversary presents/trips will always be built-in and he won't have to go to as big of an effort for a separate Valentine's Day. February seems like it's going to be an annual travel month for us, so we'll always have our anniversary/Valentine's trip to look forward to.

As for the venues, we've mostly just email contacted people. The one we're most interested in we just emailed to see about seeing on MLK day since I'm off work (so that would be the 21st). *fingers crossed* that we like it! It seems perfect and would be in budget for a Monday.

Fingers crossed!!

 

[audball]

Haha, that sounds like me. I joke with FI that he should be glad that our anniversary will forever be near Valentine's Day, so that our anniversary presents/trips will always be built-in and he won't have to go to as big of an effort for a separate Valentine's Day. February seems like it's going to be an annual travel month for us, so we'll always have our anniversary/Valentine's trip to look forward to.

Awesome. I was trying to think about work too. I know around the 4th is slow at my job so I'd be able to take time off without issues. We have no idea where A will be working so I have no idea whether or not that would be good timing for him or not..time will tell.

And I know this shouldn't be a concern...but I love the birthstone associated with July (ruby) because I like the idea of anniversary jewelry with gemstones!! Some of the other months we've talked about don't have such nice gemstone choices!

I mean..we are PSers afterall

 

[vc10um]

aud, just chiming in to give a huge thumbs up to getting married on your anniversary! DH's and my first date was 6/26/08, he proposed on 6/26/10, and we wed on 6/26/11 (a Sunday).

As an aside and some food for thought, in 2014, the 4th of July is on a Friday. People MAY be able to work the holiday in favor of taking off on the Monday to attend your wedding...but I'm still partial to 7/14/14.

And good for you recognizing early on that you won't please everyone, so you may as well just have the wedding YOU want! AND for not skimping on the photography. Since you'll probably getting married and having your reception at the same venue, with no dancing, etc, I suspect you'll probably only need about 6 hours of coverage, which means you should be able to easily get your photography under $2K and most likely under $1500.

Good luck with this venue visit! I hope it's as perfect in person as it is on paper!

 

[audball]

aud, just chiming in to give a huge thumbs up to getting married on your anniversary! DH's and my first date was 6/26/08, he proposed on 6/26/10, and we wed on 6/26/11 (a Sunday).

As an aside and some food for thought, in 2014, the 4th of July is on a Friday. People MAY be able to work the holiday in favor of taking off on the Monday to attend your wedding...but I'm still partial to 7/14/14.

And good for you recognizing early on that you won't please everyone, so you may as well just have the wedding YOU want! AND for not skimping on the photography. Since you'll probably getting married and having your reception at the same venue, with no dancing, etc, I suspect you'll probably only need about 6 hours of coverage, which means you should be able to easily get your photography under $2K and most likely under $1500.

Good luck with this venue visit! I hope it's as perfect in person as it is on paper!

Aww, thanks vc. I would like to get married on our anniversary, I think. Funny story - 7/7 was supposed to be our first date. At that time, between the nights he worked and the nights I had classes, the only free night we both had each week was Thursday. Our first date was scheduled for 7/7 and something came up and we had to wait another week. I don't think we could go wrong either way, though! Good point about people maybe being able to trade the Friday off for the Monday off - though I'd never ask anyone to give up their holiday day! Especially for our family members with kids that want to go to local parades and the fireworks!

And yep - no way everyone will like our choices. In fact, many probably won't because our ideas aren't traditionally what people think of when you think "wedding". But ah well, it's what we want and what we can afford.

I hope we can do a photographer for under 2k! We probably don't need a traditional "Full day" (ie: 8-10 hours) so that's a good tip about reducing the coverage to save on cost too. Hmm...lots to think about!

I really can't wait to see this venue in person. We both LOVE it on paper.