getting lost in stupid stuff

[slg47]

oh my gosh while y'all are getting lost in stupid stuff I am getting lost in...nothing??? how on earth do I decide on anything--it seems like there are SO many choices!

I was fairly decisive, in that I knew where I wanted to get married and the big stuff fell into place from there, but my best recommendation is to pick SOMETHING that you can start from. Whether it is the venue, the dress, the food, just choose SOMETHING. If you know you've always wanted to be married outdoors in a garden, start looking for those places. Or if you can't see yourself in anything but a ballgown, start finding venues that will cater to that aesthetic. If you want to be wearing a tea-length 1950's dress, you're probably looking at totally different venues. Or perhaps you want a 5-course sit-down dinner or a cocktail reception highlighting your regional favorites. Similarly, each of those choices lend themselves better to certain locations and dresses than others.

Does that help at all?

well I have a dress and a venue (that comes with food) so that's SOMETHING. but things like photographers? I feel like I should do that soon but...there are SO MANY and to me they all look nice!

same with officiants...for you non-religious people how do you find an officiant? online reviews?

 

[KittyGolightly]

KittyGolightly, I think these days no inner envelope is totally acceptable. My graphic designer was saying more and more people are forgoing the inner envelope, which saves money (on paper and postage) and is a lot easier to find.

Thanks, Sillyberry. I think, but I'm not sure, that the invitations will fit into something called a Tiffany envelope. However, I haven't been able to find any in red or gold to match the color of the invitations. As much as I love the idea of both an inner and outer envelope, I don't want to put my invitations in bright white or ecru envelopes. So, I'll most likely just use the single gold envelope. It is nice to know that I won't be the only one.

 

[KittyGolightly]

well I have a dress and a venue (that comes with food) so that's SOMETHING. but things like photographers? I feel like I should do that soon but...there are SO MANY and to me they all look nice!

same with officiants...for you non-religious people how do you find an officiant? online reviews?

You still have lots and lots of time!

I'm planning a wedding on the other side of the country, so I had to rely on internet reviews for almost everything, including the church! For photographers, you might want to start by asking any friends who recently got married if they liked their photographers. For me, the biggest consideration was price - I needed to find someone in the $2000 range (not the easiest task in New York). I used the WPJA website to find someone who was flexible with pricing. Otherwise, ask to see, if possible, photos from an entire wedding, not just cherry-picked photos from 10 different events.

 

[vc10um]

oh my gosh while y'all are getting lost in stupid stuff I am getting lost in...nothing??? how on earth do I decide on anything--it seems like there are SO many choices!

I was fairly decisive, in that I knew where I wanted to get married and the big stuff fell into place from there, but my best recommendation is to pick SOMETHING that you can start from. Whether it is the venue, the dress, the food, just choose SOMETHING. If you know you've always wanted to be married outdoors in a garden, start looking for those places. Or if you can't see yourself in anything but a ballgown, start finding venues that will cater to that aesthetic. If you want to be wearing a tea-length 1950's dress, you're probably looking at totally different venues. Or perhaps you want a 5-course sit-down dinner or a cocktail reception highlighting your regional favorites. Similarly, each of those choices lend themselves better to certain locations and dresses than others.

Does that help at all?

well I have a dress and a venue (that comes with food) so that's SOMETHING. but things like photographers? I feel like I should do that soon but...there are SO MANY and to me they all look nice!

same with officiants...for you non-religious people how do you find an officiant? online reviews?

slg...my first suggestion would be to focus on one task at a time. If you're overwhelmed by the number of choices in one category, I can't imagine how crazy it must feel to be looking at 8 photographers, 4 officiants, 5 florists, and 3 rental vendors at once! So I would put them in order of importance and start ticking them off from there.

For finding a photographer, I suggest setting your budget first. Photography is one thing that can get very expensive very quickly. If you've already found a few photogs that you like in terms of style that fall in your budget, schedule meetings with them and ask to see at least one, if not several, full wedding shoots. Photogs put their best work on their website. But you don't want a photog whose ONLY good shots for each wedding are the ones shown! You want to know they have range, creativity, the ability to make your 3 year old flower girl smile at the camera (if that's important to you!)...and CHEMISTRY with you and your FI. You want someone you will be comfortable having in your dressing room, capturing your most intimate moments with your family, friends, and your husband!

For an officiant, I would use a site like weddingwire for recommendations. Or ask your venue! They probably have a list of people who have performed ceremonies there in the past. Or have a friend or family member dear to you but not already honored as part of the wedding party ordained! IIRC, SB is doing this, so she can give you details on that!

 

[sillyberry]

Sorry slg - it gets hard to keep straight who has done what! You're the Four Seasons Austin, right?

Anyway, vc has great advice. One thing to remember is that you don't have to visit a million vendors. I had one venue in mind, met with 2 wedding planners, 3 photographers, one caterer, one cake baker...I just decided to trust my gut instinct and not make myself crazy seeing everything that was out there as a possibility. It's really easy to become lost in options and I was determined to just not let that happen. I think one reason I get so lost in little stuff is that the big stuff was fairly easy for me!

One thing that can be helpful is to search your city on stylemepretty.com and see the weddings that have been in that location. If you see something you love (be it the photographer, the florist, whatever) you can then contact them.

As for officiant...yep, I'm having a good friend perform the ceremony! She's getting ordained online and we're using The Wedding Ceremony Planner to craft the ceremony. We're still early on in the process, but I'm sure I'll have more insight over the next few months!

 

[vc10um]

As for officiant...yep, I'm having a good friend perform the ceremony! She's getting ordained online and we're using The Wedding Ceremony Planner to craft the ceremony. We're still early on in the process, but I'm sure I'll have more insight over the next few months!

Our ceremony is at a non-denominational church which came with an officiant, but we're still using The Wedding Ceremony Planner to write our ceremony, since they've basically said they'll do anything we want.

 

[4ever]

One thing to remember is that you don't have to visit a million vendors. I had one venue in mind, met with 2 wedding planners, 3 photographers, one caterer, one cake baker...I just decided to trust my gut instinct and not make myself crazy seeing everything that was out there as a possibility. It's really easy to become lost in options and I was determined to just not let that happen. I think one reason I get so lost in little stuff is that the big stuff was fairly easy for me!

I think this is really good advice which I am going to try and follow myself. If it feels right, it's probably the right choice so decide for yourself if it's worth spending the time and energy looking at 10 other options to make sure of that. To me it's not worth the level of stress it would cause to find a florist that was just $100 cheaper or a photographer with just a little more experience and so on. I just need to keep in perspecitive which parts of the weding are the most important to me and worth the extra effort and which just arn't.

 

[Rae~]

vc10um, sillyberry - If they had declined to give me a refund I would have definitely still used them - I like the idea of having a sticker to put over the top, actually!

But thankfully they have replied that a refund will be processed shortly (YAY), so now we just have to find alternate Thank You cards (sans advertising! hehe). I think I'll go back and try to find these plain white/silver ones I saw in a shop somewhere a couple of weeks ago - they were fairly simple and clean-looking.

slg47 - I think make a list of things you still need to choose, in order of importance to you both. Then just start at the top!!

We didn't really do much research for our celebrant. We emailed a few to compare prices and explore availability, then went with the one the venue had recommended. She's not my perfect idea of a celebrant, but she'll do. It definitely wasn't a hugely important issue for us, apart from the fact that it's one of the absolute requirements in order to actually get married!!

Photographer - we had an awful run; we had our preferred one, but he was already booked. Then he recommended someone else, and we thought we'd locked her in, but when I folllowed up again a few weeks later she was booked for that date! Her mistake, and she apologised profusely. She recommended three others... and they were all booked already! Gah. So I googled and found a few others, and one company's website jumped out at me, so we made an appointment and booked them on the spot. Definitely an important one for us and we are really happy with our choice - in the end! It was stressful for a while, though.

My current stress is hair. I have a makeup artist booked (although I hated the first trial so I really hope a second trial comes out better!) but no hairdresser yet.... and many of them are already booked. I am getting a little worried!

But you have more than a year after my wedding to plan, so you shouldn't have those problems... but if there are aspects that are important to you (photog etc) then you may as well get in early!

Good luck.

 

[vc10um]

vc10um, sillyberry - If they had declined to give me a refund I would have definitely still used them - I like the idea of having a sticker to put over the top, actually!

But thankfully they have replied that a refund will be processed shortly (YAY), so now we just have to find alternate Thank You cards (sans advertising! hehe). I think I'll go back and try to find these plain white/silver ones I saw in a shop somewhere a couple of weeks ago - they were fairly simple and clean-looking.

Glad to hear, Rae! Can you post a link to your invites? Maybe one of us can help you find some simple chic notecards that don't "match" but "go" (a la Stacey and Clinton) with your invitation suite!

SILLYBERRY!!!! GOOD LUCK ON THE BAR EXAM!!!!!!!! (Even though I know you won't need it. You're gonna rock this sucker!)

AFM...DanielM received my amethyst and is setting it in a cinch bezel (which just wraps around the girdle of the stone, it doesn't extend all the way back to the culet of the stone) with accent claw prongs like this pendant. It will be in silver to really set off the amethyst. I am SO excited!

 

[Rae~]

Absolutely - I'd LOVE any suggestions for Thank You cards that would go with these! We only need about 65, I think.

Here are our invites: http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/product/4750/letterpress_wedding_invitations_stately_scroll.html

 

[vc10um]

Oh Rae, those are GORGEOUS! Simple, elegant, PERFECT!

I'll do some hunting when I get home from work!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Oooo! New sweating the small stuff update:

DanielM is starting work on my bridesmaid gift (bezeled gemstone RHRs similar to his pendants and earrings) and will hopefully have his hands on my pear amethyst from Tan to set for my wedding pendant! Hooray!

This week at work has been horrendous, so I haven't had much time to play with fun wedding stuff. But hopefully things will improve soon! Any updates from you ladies???

PS: Any chance selling that kidney would also help me lose the last 10 lbs?

LMAO on the 10 lbs... I thought of donating my eggs for $$. I heard it was incredibly painful, though, so nixed the idea even though you get about $1k for each egg!

 

[4ever]

LMAO on the 10 lbs... I thought of donating my eggs for $$. I heard it was incredibly painful, though, so nixed the idea even though you get about $1k for each egg!

Exactly how much pain are we talking here?



Just kidding, it's actaully illigal to sell human eggs in New Zeland, you can only donate them.

 

[vc10um]

LMAO on the 10 lbs... I thought of donating my eggs for $$. I heard it was incredibly painful, though, so nixed the idea even though you get about $1k for each egg!

Exactly how much pain are we talking here?

Just kidding, it's actaully illigal to sell human eggs in New Zeland, you can only donate them.

That's really interesting, FG. (Yes, I've now shortened Future Girl to FG.) I once thought about it, too, FutureMrsS...when I was in college...but I decided that while it might greatly help someone out there, I'd spend my whole life wondering if there was someone out there walking around with half my genes...

In other news...I have no news. Oh, and Rae, I'm still working on narrowing down my fave Thank You notes and checking out a few other websites. In the meantime, have you found anything else?

 

[sillyberry]

And...I'm back! The Bar sucked, whatever, OMG WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

Today we're doing two tastings: one with the BBQ place for the welcome dinner, plus a second tasting with our caterer. SO EXCITED!

What else...my dress should arrive in the next two weeks so I can get moving on alterations! I've been keeping it under wraps...I can't decide if I'll make y'all wait until the wedding photos. The invitations will be ordered this week (I'm meeting with my paper guru to make 100% sure everything is how I want it since we've been working long-distance and computers don't always show true color). I've got the floral show-and-tell on the calendar and the site walk-through scheduled.

Next up: design the ceremony, order a veil, get accessories for the maids, harass the FI about groomsmen attire, figure out the welcome bags and finalize the packaging for the favors, get the details for the welcome dinner pulled together... Yikes! There is just so much to do! And I'm not even remembering most of the to-do list!

And start exercising my ass off. Literally!

 

[vc10um]

OMG WEDDING!!!!!!

SB, you must be SO FRIGGEN HAPPY to have the bar done with. When do you hear back?

Your to-do list sounds vaguely familiar...'specially that exercise your @$$ off thing. I'm still working hard trying to get down to a more comfortable weight.

My current little thing to obsess over isn't really little at all: FI's wedding present. I decided long long LONG ago that he was getting an album of Boudoir Pics on our wedding day (talk about motivation to get my rear in gear!). Well, my pics are with our wedding photog in TWENTY-NINE DAYS. GAH! I still have to finish shopping for that, and talk to my photog about shipping everything to her instead of packing it so he doesn't get suspicious! YIKES!

 

[Rae~]

sillyberry - YAY WEDDING.

vc10um - Actually, I found these on Vistaprint last night - (ugh, url deleted, sorry for the long link!) If you look at Thank You cards, Conservative style, designs per page = 24, then it's the third down on the left, on the second page. Sorry there's not a simple, direct link!

Funny thing is that they still have advertising on the back, by the looks (standard "www.vistaprint.com.au") but now that I have the wonderful suggestion of using a sticker to cover it, I'm not AS bothered. Plus, they're a fair bit cheaper than the other ones, so that's a bonus. And I sorta expected it with Vistaprint as I believe the put advertising on practically everything, don't they?

Still thinking, but at least that's an option.

 

[vc10um]

Rae, are these the ones?

 

[Rae~]

Ooh, yes, those are the ones I was looking at. Thanks for linking.

 

[vc10um]

Well those are lovely!

(It's also good to know that I can still manage to follow a list of simple directions. WIN!)

And even if they do have the vistaprint URL on the back, at least it's not like 3 lines of advertisement-style text...AND you know it's coming.

 

[Rae~]

And even if they do have the vistaprint URL on the back, at least it's not like 3 lines of advertisement-style text...AND you know it's coming.

Exactly!

 

[sillyberry]

Rae, I like those thank you's! Very classy!

vc - I should hear back by April 15th. I'm going to shove a pencil in my eye if I have to take that awful sucker again. Ich.

But I'm so excited to hear you're doing boudoir! (okay, that sounds really really really creepy) I'm meeting with a boudoir photographer next Thursday who has great review in my area. She actually did another PSer's (I discovered that when I did a search for "boudoir" on here to see if anyone had any advice!). I know how much FI loves corsets...

Our tastings today were great. I LOVE our caterer. They're so responsive and interested in making everything perfect. We tasted a blackened chicken skewer and I didn't like one of the spices in it. I thought maybe it was the oregano, the chef went back and investigated the spice blend and discovered I was right - it was heavy on the oregano! So then he came up with a new flavor profile for the skewer and we love it and are going with it. And we tasted the milkshakes in mini pilsner glasses...like the cutest things ever! Peanut butter and chocolate banana and strawberry (mostly so we have some color on the trays!). I'm so excited for the food.

I did have a really strange encounter tonight. I had dinner with a group of girls, one of whom is invited to the wedding. Another girl, who I'm friends with but not close with at all, asked if she could come and watch the ceremony because she's always wanted to see a wedding at the place we're getting married (it's one of her favorite places and really close to where she lives) but she didn't need to come to the reception. I was like "...uhh..." I wouldn't mind sending her an invitation, although I don't really want to add on her husband who I've only met once for about 3 minutes. It was just such a strange encounter that I'm not entirely sure what to do!

 

[4ever]

SB-It sounds like this girl just self-invited herself to your wedding. She may really want to see a wedding there but she should wait untill she is invited to one or has her own there. If your wern't going to invite her before, why should you just because she asked? If she brings it up again you can say sorry close friends and family only etc or just offer to share the video and/or photos with her afterwards.


My new weding obsession: Skinnyness

I wasn't going to try and loose weight for the wedding.....but I feel pretty when I'm skinny so I'm gonna. My aim is to weigh what I did when FI and I first met, which is about 10-12kgs lighter than I am now. I have 13 months so it's do-able.

Also the venue sent us a list of suggested vendors and accomidations etc near by and now I'm feeling overwhelmed with stuff. It also says we can't use an IPOD for dance music only ceramony and backround music so I guess now we need a DJ or band. Meh- I hate paying for things I don't care about.

 

[vc10um]

vc - I should hear back by April 15th. I'm going to shove a pencil in my eye if I have to take that awful sucker again. Ich.

But I'm so excited to hear you're doing boudoir! (okay, that sounds really really really creepy) I'm meeting with a boudoir photographer next Thursday who has great review in my area. She actually did another PSer's (I discovered that when I did a search for "boudoir" on here to see if anyone had any advice!). I know how much FI loves corsets...

SB, If you're going to shove a pencil in your eye, please wait until AFTER May 29th, kthx. (But really, we won't have to worry about that, will we? Because you totally knocked that test out of the park!) And I'm glad you're doing Bpics, too!!! I'm starting to get SO NERVOUS! But so excited! My wedding photog is doing a Boudoir Marathon with my Hair and MakeUp artist...this will be their second together...and I'm taking part! I have 4 weeks left to go...I need to tone up a little more and I'd like to lose a few more lbs...but I'm more concerned with the tone. And figuring out how to go get a tan and a mani-pedi before we head to KC without FI getting suspicious. Oh, and as for the girl who practically invited herself to your ceremony... I might hold off and if you get an unexpected decline, extend her an invite. If not, just let her know that you're at capacity but you're more than happy to share the video and photographs like FG suggested.

FG, you have plenty of time to lose the weight...but whatever you do: DON'T BUY A SMALLER DRESS! One of the girls I knew from college did that as "motivation"...well, she didn't lose the weight she wanted to, and the dress didn't fit! They had to add a corset back to the dress a month before the wedding...and she hated it! Do you have a plan in place at all?

 

[sillyberry]

The thing is, I don't actually mind that she invited herself. There was something so adorable about her excitement and I really do like her. It's kind of nice for people to be really overly excited about my wedding! But I don't want to invite her husband who I don't know at all (and ordinarily I would always invite a guest's SO!). But I suppose if she really wants to come, and I'm perfectly happy for her to be there, I can just invite her without him. Clearly etiquette has left the building in this case!

vc, will the FI notice those things? I guess I get a fair number of mani/pedis, so he wouldn't be curious at all. As for the tanning - can you start a little earlier so it doesn't seem so linked to this trip? Just say the winter has gotten you down and you want to feel tan. A note of warning, though - I've heard very bad things about tanning mishaps before photos. So be really really careful! Being pale is way better than being burnt or peeling (or uneven in the case of spray tan)!

And I agree with vc - NO SMALLER DRESS! Such a bad idea. Seamstresses are wonderful at taking dresses in, much much harder to take them out!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

SLG - We are not religious at all, so I asked the chaplain from my university where I graduated in 2002 to perform our ceremony. Luckily, when I asked him last year, he still remembered me from 8 years prior! He would give the opening remarks at almost all of campus events (convocations, graduations, cultural dinners, etc.) and always did a fabulous job. Even though he is Presbyterian, per his job as campus chaplain, he is totally inclusive and doesn't mind one bit performing a nondenomenational ceremony for us. In fact, we are omitting any reference to any religion at all and leaving it totally open. I don't know if you have someone like this, but I thought it might open up a possibility for you.

 

[4ever]

FG, you have plenty of time to lose the weight...but whatever you do: DON'T BUY A SMALLER DRESS! One of the girls I knew from college did that as "motivation"...well, she didn't lose the weight she wanted to, and the dress didn't fit! They had to add a corset back to the dress a month before the wedding...and she hated it! Do you have a plan in place at all?

No worries there, I don't need the stress of trying to fit into a smaller dress. I'm not going to try any dresses for another 4 months anyway, but I will be ordering one that fits. The plan: 1) Daily exersize (which is where I've been going wrong) which alternatins hour+ fast walks one day with 20mins of interval training (which involes 3 laps of a big sports feild by our house, 1/2 running 1/2 walking each lap) the next day. 2) healthy eating- one small treat per day, eating only when hungry not just because I want to, because I do love food. 3) stress less- realising that stuff I get stressed out about at work is not worth it- a reapir job worth $200 should not be keeping me awake at night, so I'm just letting the less important things go.

 

[sillyberry]

Has anyone had a moment where they regret every wedding decision they've made?

I had one last night. Suddenly, every choice I made totally sucked. The color scheme, the invitation suite, the dress, the food, the entertainment...every single decision I've made has been wrong. The wedding is going to be boring, the invitations are ugly, I'm going to look terrible, etc etc etc. Nothing will be special or interesting or worthy of the ridiculous amounts of money being spent.

It's like I got attacked by the Bridal Industrial Complex and I couldn't breathe! The moment passed, but yeesh. I did not enjoy that.

Now, to be clear, I don't think this is actually the case and I swear I'm not looking for validation that I'm a special snowflake or that everything will be beautiful and blah blah blah. I just wonder if I'm the only one who has these moments of sheer panic and doubt!

 

[vc10um]

Has anyone had a moment where they regret every wedding decision they've made?

I had one last night. Suddenly, every choice I made totally sucked. The color scheme, the invitation suite, the dress, the food, the entertainment...every single decision I've made has been wrong. The wedding is going to be boring, the invitations are ugly, I'm going to look terrible, etc etc etc. Nothing will be special or interesting or worthy of the ridiculous amounts of money being spent.

It's like I got attacked by the Bridal Industrial Complex and I couldn't breathe! The moment passed, but yeesh. I did not enjoy that.

Now, to be clear, I don't think this is actually the case and I swear I'm not looking for validation that I'm a special snowflake or that everything will be beautiful and blah blah blah. I just wonder if I'm the only one who has these moments of sheer panic and doubt!

I can't say I've had one singular moment where I panicked about everything...but I've certainly doubted EVERY.SINGLE.DECISION regarding this wedding at some point (EXCEPT the most important one...of course...I have NEVER regretted saying "YES!")...from the dress, to the reception site, to the ceremony site, to the CITY. Your mind probably just put off the panic until after the Bar, so you got hit with all of them at once, instead of one at a time while you were studying.

 

[Echidna]

Has anyone had a moment where they regret every wedding decision they've made?

I had one last night. Suddenly, every choice I made totally sucked. The color scheme, the invitation suite, the dress, the food, the entertainment...every single decision I've made has been wrong. The wedding is going to be boring, the invitations are ugly, I'm going to look terrible, etc etc etc. Nothing will be special or interesting or worthy of the ridiculous amounts of money being spent.

It's like I got attacked by the Bridal Industrial Complex and I couldn't breathe! The moment passed, but yeesh. I did not enjoy that.

Now, to be clear, I don't think this is actually the case and I swear I'm not looking for validation that I'm a special snowflake or that everything will be beautiful and blah blah blah. I just wonder if I'm the only one who has these moments of sheer panic and doubt!

I can't say I've had one singular moment where I panicked about everything...but I've certainly doubted EVERY.SINGLE.DECISION regarding this wedding at some point (EXCEPT the most important one...of course...I have NEVER regretted saying "YES!")...from the dress, to the reception site, to the ceremony site, to the CITY. Your mind probably just put off the panic until after the Bar, so you got hit with all of them at once, instead of one at a time while you were studying.

I've had the same issue as vc10um- I have doubted (nearly) every single thing at one point or another and gone through the cycle more than once with some things. I wasn't really prepared for the amount of self-doubt that comes with weddings. At least we don't doubt the marriages!!!

How's this for a validation of "good choices" though: I went to a wedding yesterday and the bride (who will be attending my wedding and has some overlapping guests) wore the SAME dress I ordered with the SAME necklace I wanted and the SAME matching earrings. She has awesome taste obviously but WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!?!?! Sigh. Now it's back to the drawing board for the jewellery at least. Is it okay to admit to you ladies that I was a bit sniffly at the ceremony and that it wasn't just the emotions of the moment?