Getting taken advantage of for "free" babysitting

[Girlrocks]

I''m so ticked off today...

I have a neighbor who asked me at the beginning of this school year if every Monday, she could drop her 4th grader off at my house 10 minutes before the bus comes in the morning because she has an early meeting. Sure I said, no problem. A 4th grader could easily stay home by themselves for 10 minutes and walk out to the bus on their own, but whatever, I agreed.

Throughout the year, this has slowly increased to almost 2 days each week now. She was calling me the evening before (after 9:30pm sometimes) to ask if I she could drop her daughter off the next day, and eventually I stopped answering the phone when she called. It used to be 10 minutes before the bus, but has slowly increased to now 30 minutes before the bus. I have 3 kids to get ready for school plus another little one running around, so mornings are very hectic at my house as is.

This week...Monday-our agreed upon day, as usual, she comes 30 minutes before the bus. Fine. Whatever.

Tuesday...my dog is sick and had lovingly thrown up all over my bedroom, so I am upstairs scrubbing the carpet when I hear the doorbell ring. I hurried to wash my hands and am running downstairs to find this girl standing in my kitchen (my daughters let her in). She says "my mom tried to call a few minutes ago but you didn''t answer so she just dropped my off".

Last night...myself and 2 neighbors receive a text from another neigbor asking if any of us can watch her kids in the moring and put them on the bus because her husband has an early meeting...I didn''t respond, don''t think anyone else volunteered either because I saw the dad at the bus stop this morning.

Today (Wednesday)...our school''s had a 90 minute delay this morning (bus will come at 10am instead of 8:30am). At 8:25am my kids are finished with breakfast and playing while I am up in the shower because I have to take the dog to the vet at 9am. I get out of the shower to a lot of noise, come downstairs to find yet a THIRD neighbor has dropped her 2 kids off this morning with a box of donuts. No phone call, just pulled in my driveway, the kids jump out and off she goes.

Now I have to take SIX KIDS and a puking dog to the vet.

Now, all of these people are just neighbors...not good friends, just "hi, hello" when I go out to get the mail, that type of thing. But they all know that I am home during the day.

I''m tired of being taken advantage of, but what do I do? I want to say something in regards to what happened Tuesday and this morning, but don''t know what to say that isn''t going to start drama. And I also need advice on how to handle this in the future.

 

[alli_esq]

Oh, GR, I don''t have much advice to give you, but my opinion is that by taking more and more advantage of you, these other neighbors are the one who started the drama--not you. I would probably try to nicely call each of these parents and tell them the truth--explain to them that you are finding it too overwhelming in the mornings, what with your own three children, and adding more to the mix just isn''t working for you. I would even tell them exactly what you''ve said here--that it was okay when it was one child for ten minutes one time per week, but it seems that although that was the agreement, it seems that their needs have become more than what you are able to provide.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this--you try to do something nice for someone and wow, can it backfire!

 

[TooPatient]

A woodworking store in our area has a great sign with a picture of a child & puppy:

Any child left unattended will be given espresso and a puppy.

 

[lilyfoot]

Write/type up a note that says "Please be aware that house number ___ is not a drop-off point for children to wait for the school bus in the morning. Please stop dropping your children off at my house immediately. Thank you, Girlrocks", and put it on all of your neighbors doors.

This is just really *^$#ing ridiculous.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:30:51 PM
Author: TooPatient
Any child left unattended will be given espresso and a puppy.

LOL!


ETA: Maybe you should rent one of those inflatable bouncy houses, put it in your front yard with a sign that says DEPOSIT UNWANTED CHILDREN HERE.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''m sorry these people are taking advantage of you!

Three options:
1. Do nothing and be resentful in order to avoid conflict.
2. Start charging a large fee for babysitting, $15 per 15 minutes per day You''ll either see a decline in the amount of time and kids or an increase in the weight of your purse!
3. Every time someone calls, answer the phone and tell them NO. Don''t give an excuse like taking a dog to the vet because that leaves room for a next time. Simply say, "I''m sorry but I won''t be able to do that. Good luck finding somebody!" Then they are screwed, and will make arrangements ahead of time next time instead of last minute arrangements. If someone drops their kids off at your place without calling, call that parent that day and tell them it is inappropriate and not to be done in the future.

 

[dragonfly411]

I too would send out a note. I would make it somewhat friendly "I have no problem with occasionally helping out with due notice and so long as it is not an every day, or multiple day a week affair" but make it clear " but my house is not a drop off point, or day care. Leaving your children at my house without asking, nor calling is beyond rude and unacceptable".

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Also, with this person that made the arrangement with you, point out that it is to be 10 minutes only on Monday. If she needs more than that then she needs to make other arrangements. I''m sure there are daycares in the area that provide this service of watching children before school.

 

[swingirl]

I think you ought to call each one and tell them you're sorry that you can't keep with the morning drop-offs but the mornings are too hectic with your own kids and 30 minutes before the bus comes is prime time. I'd tell them about the incident with the late bus and sick dog. Tell them that that incident made you realize you prefer to concentrate on getting your own kids off to school with no distractions. You'd be happy to take their kids if there was an emergency, of course, but just not on a regular basis.

Since you don't typically communicate with your neighbors using written notes I think a phone call is better.

They are taking advantage of you being a stay-at-home mom but may not even realize that you mind. Some people think SAHMs love kids so much they'll take in strays and feed them milk and cookies.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:38:43 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
Also, with this person that made the arrangement with you, point out that it is to be 10 minutes only on Monday. If she needs more than that then she needs to make other arrangements. I''m sure there are daycares in the area that provide this service of watching children before school.

The district I went to school in offered teacher and/or YMCA supervised before & after school (something like an hour before and longer after?)

I think a lot of schools still have somthing like that. Some daycares even specialize in before/after school stuff and I''ve seen one in my area that has a bus to take kids to their school.

 

[jewelz617]

I agree with typing up a note. Sheesh, other mothers should be able to understand how hectic things get! How rude! Even if I HAD someone offering to watch my child you can bet I would insist on paying them.

 

[kenny]

You were taught to be nice without setting limits.
You care too much what you think people think of you.

Learn to say, no.
You do not have to justify or explain anything.
Just say, no.

After you find your power you can gradually start saying yes again, when and if you want to, but you will not be ticked off and feel pushed around anymore.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'd call each neighbor (or send then a note if you prefer) and simply state that you have decided that you will no longer be watching other children or allowing them to wait in your house for the bus each morning. Period. You don't owe them an explanation. They are in the position of asking you to do something for them that you have no obligation to take on. Under these circumstances, "no" is a complete sentence.

However, if there is the possibility that you'd someday need these neigbors to help watch your kids in the morning, you could take the "clear rules/guidelines" approach. "I can't watch them in the mornings on a regular basis, but I'd be happy to help out occasionally in a a real emergency."

If you feel compelled to offer an explanation, make it something generic, like it's too hectic, or that is our time to make sure my children are ready for the school day. Citing specific situations just leaves the moochers an opening to look for exceptions.

Good luck!

 

[that_someone_special]

If you want to give me their numbers or emails I will gladly talk to them

 

[Girlrocks]

Our school system also offers before/after care, however, it costs money which is the difference between them and my house. These parents just don''t care...as long as it''s free, they really don''t care! The one girl has shown up unexpectedly while the flu was rampaging through my house and 2 of my kids were sick on the couches with throwup bowls in their laps...mom had no problem with it!

I plan to tell my older girls when they get home today that from now on, our front door stays shut in the morning until they are walking out to the bus and they are NOT to answer it for any reason without my permission. They just automatically open it when they look in the driveway and see their friends...they don''t see a reason not to.

Where we live we get a lot of 90 minute delays (unexpectedly) for weather and those are the WORST days!! Neighbors are calling/stopping by out of the woodwork! I work from home, and have as long as my kids can remember. They know how to act when I am in my office working, on a work call, etc. But these out of control kids get thrown in the mix, and I can''t get my work done until the bus comes on top of the fact that I am getting taken advantage of...it''s turning into a big mess.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:36:29 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

2. Start charging a large fee for babysitting, $15 per 15 minutes per day You''ll either see a decline in the amount of time and kids or an increase in the weight of your purse!

This. I would type a note to all neighbors explaining your "rates" and that you need 24 hours notice. For the original child on Mondays - I would note that these fees kick in after the first 15 minutes on Monday morning.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''d call each Mom and tell them they are no longer to drop their kids off at your house. Period.

Glad you are telling your older kids not to answer the door in the morning.

Those Mom''s have some nerve!!!!

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/14/2010 3:45:59 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Glad you are telling your older kids not to answer the door in the morning.

I would be FURIOUS. If not, fight fire with fire as well. Go on a bunch of dates or girls night outs and leave all three of your children without notice on random nights of the week. Have them walk up right after dinner time with a popcorn bag and boxes of candy for some impromtu free babysitting service!

Imagine if they left their kids walking up your driveway without seeing if they got into your house. The parents would leave, their kids would be stuck on your doorstep since your kids wouldn''t open the door.... once a couple of those stories get around, I''m sure those parents won''t try that method again!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/14/2010 3:33:31 PM
Author: Girlrocks

I plan to tell my older girls when they get home today that from now on, our front door stays shut in the morning until they are walking out to the bus and they are NOT to answer it for any reason without my permission. They just automatically open it when they look in the driveway and see their friends...they don''t see a reason not to.

I hope a note or call to the parents will be a part of your new closed door policy. You don''t want any possibility that a child could be percieved as being endangered because the parents dropped them off "as usual" and weren''t aware that you were no longer accepting drop-ins. I think you need to communicate with the parents to protect yourself... plus it will make it easier for you and your kids to stick to the closed door policy if the parents decide to flaunt it anyway.

 

[Kaleigh]

I seriosuly can''t imagine dropping my child off without having talked to the Mom first. Like the one who dropped off her kid with a box of donuts, like that makes up for it??

wow....

 

[sba771]

A similar situation happened to someone on another board I frequent. The moocher kept dropping her children off despite the woman saying no etc... so finally one time the mom (the one being taken advantage of) did not answer the door...the moocher just left their child there anyway so the mom called the police to report a child that was abandoned on her doorstep. The police came right away and dealt with the moocher.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:48:20 PM
Author: swingirl
I think you ought to call each one and tell them you''re sorry that you can''t keep with the morning drop-offs but the mornings are too hectic with your own kids and 30 minutes before the bus comes is prime time. I''d tell them about the incident with the late bus and sick dog. Tell them that that incident made you realize you prefer to concentrate on getting your own kids off to school with no distractions. You''d be happy to take their kids if there was an emergency, of course, but just not on a regular basis.


Since you don''t typically communicate with your neighbors using written notes I think a phone call is better.


They are taking advantage of you being a stay-at-home mom but may not even realize that you mind. Some people think SAHMs love kids so much they''ll take in strays and feed them milk and cookies.

As motivated as I''d be to pursue some of the sassier and well deserved paths on this thread, I think swingirl''s approach is probably the most civil and a good first step. I know you don''t NEED to give an excuse, as many people pointed out, but I''m pretty assertive and I still feel uncomfortable just saying no to people.

If things continue after this polite encounter, then I''d consider some of the other ideas people have mentioned. Sorry about you situation, that would really suck.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:30:51 PM
Author: TooPatient
A woodworking store in our area has a great sign with a picture of a child & puppy:


Any child left unattended will be given espresso and a puppy.

Oh and this sign is HILARIOUS!!! I love cheeky business signs. My favorite is one I saw at a coffee house that had a front porch with some potted plants on it. It read:
"Dear smokers,
Feel free to kill yourselves, but please do not kill our plants. Deposit your cigarette butts elsewhere."

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 4/14/2010 4:11:31 PM
Author: sba771
A similar situation happened to someone on another board I frequent. The moocher kept dropping her children off despite the woman saying no etc... so finally one time the mom (the one being taken advantage of) did not answer the door...the moocher just left their child there anyway so the mom called the police to report a child that was abandoned on her doorstep. The police came right away and dealt with the moocher.

Highlighted part...I can DEFINITELY see this happening with the "Monday girl". My house is loud...big dog barking, 4 kids yelling inside, even when they''re talking you can hear it when you are standing on the other side of the closed front door. Plus my van in the driveway...she''ll know I am home even if I don''t answer the door.

I hate to be such a b**** but my DH and I worked very hard and struggled for the first few years quite literally until I established my business for me to be able to be at home with my kids. I make them breakfast each morning and sit down with them at the table...it''s relaxed, chilled out "talk to mommy" time and it ends up turning into me ticked off and my kids having a stressful morning before school.

And to top off my pity party, today is my birthday, my dog is super sick and is going to have surgery next week if she can make it that long and I had to send off my huge checks to the IRS this morning.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 4/14/2010 4:11:31 PM
Author: sba771
A similar situation happened to someone on another board I frequent. The moocher kept dropping her children off despite the woman saying no etc... so finally one time the mom (the one being taken advantage of) did not answer the door...the moocher just left their child there anyway so the mom called the police to report a child that was abandoned on her doorstep. The police came right away and dealt with the moocher.

SBA, I was thinking that GR''s situation might come to this if the parents refuse to take the hint. GR, I think you should ABSOLUTELY go this route if it becomes necessary after you''ve discussed the issue with the rude parents. If they''re inconsiderate enough to just drop their kids off at your house without asking you first, then I wouldn''t be surprised if they''re inconsiderate enough to CONTINUE doing so even AFTER you''ve politely asked them to stop. I would stick by your policy of not opening the door for anyone before school in the mornings and, if a child is just left on your doorstep, I would call the police.

This situation just astounds me. Why is it that people refuse to respect boundaries and show common courtesy?!?!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 4/14/2010 4:26:14 PM
Author: Girlrocks
Highlighted part...I can DEFINITELY see this happening with the ''Monday girl''. My house is loud...big dog barking, 4 kids yelling inside, even when they''re talking you can hear it when you are standing on the other side of the closed front door. Plus my van in the driveway...she''ll know I am home even if I don''t answer the door.

I hate to be such a b**** but my DH and I worked very hard and struggled for the first few years quite literally until I established my business for me to be able to be at home with my kids. I make them breakfast each morning and sit down with them at the table...it''s relaxed, chilled out ''talk to mommy'' time and it ends up turning into me ticked off and my kids having a stressful morning before school.

And to top off my pity party, today is my birthday, my dog is super sick and is going to have surgery next week if she can make it that long and I had to send off my huge checks to the IRS this morning.

OK, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT BEING A B!TCH!!! You''re being reasonable, and expecting others to be reasonable as well! There''s nothing wrong with setting boundaries and insisting that others respect those boundaries. The way you''ve been treated by these people is just shameful!!!

And I''m so sorry about your dog. I hope she''s OK! ((((HUGS)))) and happy birthday!

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 4/14/2010 4:04:33 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I seriosuly can''t imagine dropping my child off without having talked to the Mom first. Like the one who dropped off her kid with a box of donuts, like that makes up for it??

wow....

Right...like that''s all I need...6 kids hopped up sugar and chocolate dropping powdered sugar all over my flippin kitchen...thanks for nothing lady.

 

[iheartscience]

You are not being a bitch AT ALL. This sounds absolutely ridiculous and I don''t even have kids!

I would call them all up and let them know that you are no longer able to watch their children in the mornings. I wouldn''t even offer an explanation, but if you feel the need to, just tell them it''s too hectic.

They''re not your friends and they''re doing nothing for you in return, so you are in no way obligated to do anything for them. If they need day care, they can pay for it at a day care provider. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/14/2010 2:48:20 PM
Author: swingirl
I think you ought to call each one and tell them you''re sorry that you can''t keep with the morning drop-offs but the mornings are too hectic with your own kids and 30 minutes before the bus comes is prime time. I''d tell them about the incident with the late bus and sick dog. Tell them that that incident made you realize you prefer to concentrate on getting your own kids off to school with no distractions. You''d be happy to take their kids if there was an emergency, of course, but just not on a regular basis.


Since you don''t typically communicate with your neighbors using written notes I think a phone call is better.

This is what I would do if I was in your shoes. Just be honest with them and they should understand...hopefully.

 

[Kaleigh]

I just read that today is your birthday. I know it''s been a hard one with all of this and your precious doggie. BUT wanted to say Happy birthday Girlrocks...

I pray your doggie does well, and will be ok.

And hope those selfish Mom''s bugger off....