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Well, she knows what I''m thinking of now... and has contacted whiteflas herself, since she has a more keen ability to express the little details she''s looking for.

I did impress her a lot this weekend when we went out looking for a tulip ring for her to try on (no such luck, by the way), though. I was asking the salesperson (who had no idea what a tuliphead was, might I add) about a particular diamond that was very sparkly, but also very pricey, and you know what? He really didn''t answer any of the questions I asked and didn''t seem to have a clue what "depth" meant. And I learned the first day I posted on this site that depth is a BIG thing.

That''s how she found me out... wanted to know how I knew all this stuff. I tried to lie, but I''m not too good at it.
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Anyway, she''s fully "on it" now and is sending emails right and left it seems, trying all the more to convince me to make my first purchase online...

We''ll see... I''m still not convinced.

With her on board now, I''m sure she''ll be more persistent about getting the ball rolling, so I guess I need to work on saving more, faster, to make this a reality. She''s so anxious for it now. Not that I''m not, but I did almost get annoyed with her persistence to know more and more...
 
style="WIDTH: 96.19%; HEIGHT: 193px">Date: 3/1/2006 11:25:52 PM
Author: Wren
I apologize again for going off like that. Knowing that the proposal is so important to him calmed me down and chased away most of the insecurities, yet the lingering hurt from before probably won't go away until he does finally propose.

It helps to see it from the guy's perspective, particularly how an unofficial question can just slip out. And it's really nice to hear a good explanation of 'boy soon'!
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You are so sweet, and your girl is very lucky.

If I may make a suggestion? My bf corrupted me early on and now I own a gamecube, a ds, several pc games, and get updates on the new Zelda game coming out in (horrors) the fall. We both know what we'll be getting the other person for christmas next year!
He 'turned' me by playing non violent but highly competitive gamecube games together with me. I don't know if the Xbox has anything similar, but Monkey Ball was the turning point with us. I'm sure Xbox has some multiperson games that are cute, short, and non-violent. We still play games together, it's one of our favorite activities!
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The couple that games together, stays together
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I LOVE Monkey Ball! Kevin and I play this alot! Kevin let me design my ring! I like being involved although some of my friends think it is wrong. I do not know when the proposal will be though. You are a great guy! All of the vendors here are great! My ring is being made by whiteflash...I told Bob what I wanted and he sent me an idea of what it will look like then i let Kev handle the rest.
 
She called tonight, saying she got another email from whiteflash, and as soon as I decide if I want to "take over," just let her know.

Haha... it''s killing her NOT to take control here. I love her, but geesh, does she like to get her way!
 
hehe... She sounds a lot like me!!
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What has she found so far?
 
Well, we''re still waiting to hear from WF again. At any rate, I want to "take over" soon, so that she won''t know exactly what she''s getting. I have a couple of ideas that she''s thrown at me, but this tulip thing takes a lot more gusto.

She''s not mentioned anything about forums, so I don''t know that she''s found out about it. (However, if she did, "Ladies in Waiting" would be her first stop, I have no doubt. She acts as if we''ve been dating years and years and years and I just won''t make the move to commit for life, even though we''ve just begun to enter into the year mark.)

As long as her project continues to encompass her time, she won''t get to snooping too much.
 
I''m so glad that she hasn''t read any of this. I realized about an hour after I posted in your other thread (and was out of my apartment at a meeting) that I should NOT have mentioned proposal ideas. What if she had just seen the ring thread, and I made her realize that there was MORE!?
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As a LIW, it''s actually reassuring that your tone is still affectionate when you talk about her becoming a little more involved in the ring decision than you''d probably like her to be. Sometimes I wonder exactly how my BF feels when I''m getting a little too excited...
 
Well, all I showed her on here was the diamond search up on top of the screen, and the diamond I like so much (which she oohed and ahhhed over for what seemed like forever), and the setting on the niwaka setting that I''d like to come close to in her setting, if possible.

She''s not stupid, but I don''t think she even noticed the forum aspect of the site. I made it sound like I learned everything I have picked up on diamonds by reviewing the blurbs on the diamonds, then searching the tutorial stuff on what everything means.

So, hopefully, she won''t get curious and start looking around...

She did, however, just call me and tell me that if I want to skip coming to see her this weekend (it''s a 5-6 hour drive), even though we''ve seen one another every weekend since June now, I could. I was shocked and moderately hurt that she''d say that. Once I prodded for her reasoning, she said the gas prices had increased a lot here lately, and she thought my money could be better spent "elsewhere." Geesh, I wonder just what "elsewhere" she was referring to. When I called her on it, she asked if maybe we should stop visiting until we get engaged to save up money. Yeah right!

Things like that do bother me at times, as if she thinks I''m not taking care of things like I say I am. I know she''s just eager and anxious and that she loves me and misses me a great deal when I''m not around, just as I do her. So, I try to keep that in mind and just remember that her emotions are always active, and can become a bit "extreme" from time to time. I do wish she realized how much I want this, too, and that I''m not dragging anything out by any means.

One thing that leads to these sort of conversations is that I told her back at the very beginning of the year that I wanted to marry her; it just slipped out. What''s on my heart often comes out my mouth before I think about all the ramifications, and in situations involving her, the endless questions. So, she knows (because of a weak moment of her looking at me with those sad, longing eyes) that I''d planned to ask her in April.

Well, she''s become more persistent since March has begun, and because of things I''ve learned on here, I''m trying to "up" my budget a tiny bit to get her a diamond that will sparkle like crazy. By "upping" I mean maybe a couple hundred bucks, but still, that has to be budgeted in, and I had a car repair I hadn''t been planning on in February. So, I''ve been trying to prep her that it may be EARLY May, since I am paid only monthly.

Since I told her that, she''s been disappointed, and I can understand why. It''s a let down when you have an idea in mind, and it folds. Actually, when I told her April, I was planning on March, so I could surprise the girl who refuses to stop asking questions and let surprises happen. So, maybe maybe if I scrimp and scrounge with my money, I can still ask in April and have it shock her.

Anyway, to answer your last post, I do get annoyed at times, but then I remember why it is that she''s so persistent, and it''s just because she loves me and because we want to be closer together, and to plan our lives together, and none of that can happen until I pledge to love her for always, officially.
 
You are clearly I very sweet guy! She''s very lucky. I live with my BF but even though I didn''t wait for marrriage, I waited for the man I''m going to marry and it''s a wonderful feeling. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your perspective on the waiting process!
 
Okay, last night, out of nowhere (I couldn''t sleep), I came up with a new idea. Instead of going to Florida, I was thinking of Tybee Island, where they have the lighthouse that she loves so much. Last time we were there, she insisted it was "too much money" to go up to the top. Maybe this time, I can insist we go, and at the top, overlooking the ocean, I can ask her. That, or I''ll do it at the shoreline, sand on my knee and everything.
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Ooh, very romantic! Get''s my vote!
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I love lighthouses... I say go for it! It''s so romantic!
 
Date: 3/10/2006 12:59:56 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Okay, last night, out of nowhere (I couldn''t sleep), I came up with a new idea. Instead of going to Florida, I was thinking of Tybee Island, where they have the lighthouse that she loves so much. Last time we were there, she insisted it was ''too much money'' to go up to the top. Maybe this time, I can insist we go, and at the top, overlooking the ocean, I can ask her. That, or I''ll do it at the shoreline, sand on my knee and everything.
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She loves it so it would be a perfect place to propose. Good thinking!

When is this happening??
 
Ya! I like the lighthouse idea too
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Good luck!
 
Well, Caribou, I don''t know the exact day yet. I have to finally decide on what I''m doing for her stone and setting, then make sure I have the right amount of money for it. But, I think I''m going to end up going with a Stuller setting she likes a lot, which is less expensive and should be "quicker" and she seems really settled on it.

So, that should leave me with more money for a diamond. We''ll see....

I looked over at her this morning, and wished I had a ring at that moment... There''s all kinds of moments like that. Once I have the ring, I may not be able to wait til I get to any "romantic" place!

(I''m thinking April, though!!)
 
This weekend was really, reallly hard... Sometimes it''s all I can do to go without begging her not to go home on Sunday. This was one of those weekends.

I want to be with her, and while I know it''s coming, and that the right time is near, and that I''ll know when the time is right and that all the pieces will fall together, yet at the same time, it makes me crazy to watch her drive away.

Add to that how sweet she is, and was especially this weekend. What a blessing she is! I had to go to a job fair for options for schools next year, and while I was gone, she put her "Trading Spaces" obsession to work and madeover my fireplace into a candle and rockscape. Granted, it''s a little "girly-fied," but she was SO excited about it, and she chose "waterfall" for the candles, so that made me think of our trip to Niagara Falls and the way her eyes light up every time she sees a waterfall... We joked about life together including a mixture of girlified things and masculine things... she calls it "romantical." She''s hilarious...

Anyway, add to that that today is the anniversary of the day we met, and that she called me in tears this morning because her car had been broken into during the night. Gosh, how I wished I could be there to hold her, to pray with her, to take care of her as she cried. The thing she was most concerned about was the digital camera they stole, as it had pictures of trips we''d taken together in the past couple of months...

I know things happen for a reason, and I''m thankful she''s okay and that her car was broken into rather than her home. Still, I await the day I''m with her and she''s with me and I can feel like more of a protector for her. Hah... not that she needs it; she rolled with the police a good deal today, helping them "get things together to recover" her stuff!
 
I''m sure I''ve said this before, but the two of you make the cutest couple.
 
My girl called three times last night. Asked if we could just go ahead and get married, and why wasn''t I saving up money faster?

While I know how badly she wants us to be one, and I promise I want the same, as soon as possible, it irks me a little that she doesn''t seem to be willing to just trust me and allow me to "be the man" and take care of things.

She asked if I wanted her to "pitch in" and help "get things done."

I''d told her I might have to wait til early May to get the ring, due to car issues back a couple months ago.... her heart''s set on April, and with it nearing more and more every day, she''s getting more and more edgy and I am frustrated. I may not be able to do April, and I told her if it''s not in April, it''ll be the beginning of May.

And, I want to surprise her, so badly, but with her incessant questions, it''s nearly impossible. I promised myself I wouldn''t do any of this purchase via credit card, but maybe if I put just the last couple hundred that way, say the taxes or the like, I can get this done in April and really surprise her, since she thinks it''s going to be May now. It would be just a matter of the next billing cycle on my credit card and then I''d be able to pay, so that''s not the same as going in debt for a ring... it''s more about making it convenient for a surprise factor.

Argh... I''m really frustrated. I can''t seem to settle on a ring that I know will be the right choice, I feel pressured to do the best, to do better than I can afford (not by her, however... just in general), and I''m feeling overwhelmed.

A buddy of mine is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him soon, too. We went out looking today, and well, he''s just so low key about everything. Not bogged down by anything. Wish I could say the same...
 
This is one of the problems of discovering this website. You get so educated (which isn''t a bad thing!) and see all of the options out there, and it can be so hard to decide on one diamond and one ring. It''s a lot easier to walk into a store and just choose something in the display. All of this knowledge can add pressure and make you feel overwhelmed, but you''ll be able to buy her a beautiful ring.

I would love for my BF to get me, say, a 1 carat asscher, but I know that he would have to go into debt for it. For me, not going into debt for anything except a mortgage or student loans is incredibly important. My BF and I are both students, and our savings consist of what we''re able to earn over the summers. I had a higher paying job last summer and fewer expenses during the year, so I have more money in savings. I volunteered to "pitch in" as well (I''m going to be the one wearing it, anyway), but he wants it to be his gift to me. I understand that. If you could explain it along those terms (gift & no debt), maybe she''d understand.

Next time she asks a question, you could tell her that you understand that she wants it to be perfect and to happen soon, but she needs to trust you and that you have it under control.
 
Awe, I''m excited for you!

Me, personally, I would rather live with my guy for sometime before I get married. I do live with my boyfriend, been living together about 2 years now. I have learned all of his quirks as he learned mine. I learned how he takes care of the house, as he within me, see his financial way, and mine. It is SO important to learn about your s/o before marriage. Considering you two been together for only a year you are still in laaa laaa land. Don''t get me wrong after all this time with my guy I am still too but it is a more established love. I think you do need to live together for a bit before engagement/marriage. Just my honest opinion. Also, do you live with parents? Does she? Or on your own?
 
Please don''t try to talk someone into living together before marriage. From what I can tell this is a religious conviciton, so we shouldn''t try to tell someone why they should be living together when they don''t feel it''s right. There are plenty of people who get married without living together first...it''s definitely NOT a requirement. What''s fine for some couples isn''t right for others. For ME personally, I would feel funny planning a big wedding after living with someone for years on end. I''ve learned plenty about my BF because we work together 40 hours a week, side by side, and we spend almost every evening together, we share our finances with each other etc. We don''t feel the need to go ahead and move in together. That''s going to be part of the special part of getting married. But we don''t look down on anyone who does...to each his own. But let''s leave him alone...this is a religious conviction. No premarital sex, which of course means no living together.
 
Well, I''ve been following your story, and never really posted, but I thought I''d dip my toe in. Here''s our deal, back in November my boyfriend promised me we''d be engaged by April, after being together for two years, and living together for one. Well, last December he got in a car accident (harmless as far as his health and the shape of his car went, but very destructive to the car of the other person- no bodily harm, though) and lo and behold, my guy had let his insuarance lapse! He had to use the ring fund to pay for all the damages to the other guy''s car. I was distraught. We were going to get a one carat diamond, and it seemed hopeless. Here''s what we did. We both saved up. We bought the stone last week (.70 carats) and had bought the setting a few months ago. Because we went through WF, we saved a lot, and got a better deal than we were going to. Anyway, that''s all well and good, but it was OUR choice.

If you want to get her something you know she wants, don''t listen to the rest of PS. Whatever you get her will be the best option for both you and her. She will love whatever it is you get her, from what I''ve heard. Get the Stuller, or the WF version, or whatever you see that knocks your socks off. Do it when the time is right, whether it be a surprise or just a treasured moment. Deep down, you know what you want to do, and just do it. If you told her early May, then keep that. If you can do it earlier, do that. But don''t scramble around trying to find something that may not exist. I STILL look for a better stone. And if I had kept that up, our stone would never have been bought. Don''t keep looking for something better, when perfect is right in front of you!!! Good luck!! We''re all so excited for you!
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Date: 3/23/2006 10:23:07 AM
Author: Angela1977
Please don''t try to talk someone into living together before marriage. From what I can tell this is a religious conviciton, so we shouldn''t try to tell someone why they should be living together when they don''t feel it''s right. There are plenty of people who get married without living together first...it''s definitely NOT a requirement. What''s fine for some couples isn''t right for others. For ME personally, I would feel funny planning a big wedding after living with someone for years on end. I''ve learned plenty about my BF because we work together 40 hours a week, side by side, and we spend almost every evening together, we share our finances with each other etc. We don''t feel the need to go ahead and move in together. That''s going to be part of the special part of getting married. But we don''t look down on anyone who does...to each his own. But let''s leave him alone...this is a religious conviction. No premarital sex, which of course means no living together.
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I have to agree with this... My boyfriend and I will not have lived together before engagement, and we may live together before getting married, depending on when the wedding will be, but it''s not a certainty. I''ve had a lot of people trying to convince me we should move in together before even being engaged, but it doesn''t feel right for me. I''m not comfortable with moving with someone without commitment. There are ways to spend time together and learn each others quirks and learn to deal with them without moving in together.

As they say, to each their own. Some prefer moving in together before engagement/marriage because of convictions/values/beliefs. Some prefer not to for the same reasons. Nobody should try to convince people to go against their convictions, especially if they don''t know the whole story.

That said, I''m sure you had very good intentions while giving this advice, Patchee. So, no hard feelings.
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Date: 3/22/2006 10:25:54 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Argh... I''m really frustrated. I can''t seem to settle on a ring that I know will be the right choice, I feel pressured to do the best, to do better than I can afford (not by her, however... just in general), and I''m feeling overwhelmed.
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I feel for you argh... I''m picking out my own ring and I''m feeling pretty much like that right now. I don''t know what to choose!! Just remember that the most important thing is that it''ll be perfect for the both of you, even if the stone and/or the setting aren''t completly perfect in themselves. Nobody even here has a completely perfect stone, right?
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Wow, we opened up to the whole living together/not living together thing, didn''t we? Well, I''m not one to push my views on others, but I do however, live my convictions and thank God for them, because in the long run, they keep me grounded, and they deter me from a lot of pain in the end.

She and I are Christian, and we do seek to honor and serve the Lord, in our lives, work, and in our relationship. Statistically, those who opt not to live together prior to marriage fair better in remaining married and not falling into divorce (granted, this is a statistic, and as such, numbers can be "tweaked" a good deal, depending on who does the study).

We are both financially independent, live alone, and have had time to not only get to know one another, but to also know what we seek in a lifetime love and partner. Having said that, the year we''ve spent together has been unlike any other relationship and the best part of our relationship isn''t the "lalala" aspect of being in love as much as it is having the opportunity to spend time with a best friend who you truly care more about than you do yourself. That''s what makes being in the "lalala" place so fun. (By the way, my parents, having been married over 30 years, are still in the "lalala" land, and I thank God for it, as it''s shown me that obstacles and struggles don''t have to tear a family down, they can add mortar to the bricks that make a marriage, and a home.) Of course they''ve struggled... as have my girl and I. But, we work through things and we accept one another and seek to honor one another above all.

I have friends who have opted to live together prior to marriage, and it seems that it worked for them. One couple in particular lived together for, I''d say maybe three years before marrying. They have now been married for five years, and they have a daughter and are very much in love. It worked for them. And I''m glad. I won''t lie; I did discuss my concerns (when asked by my buddy) regarding living together prior to marriage, but I didn''t "pass judgment," either. I think as a Christian, my role is to live as much like Christ as I can, not to haggle others into seeing things my way. As they say, actions speak more than words.

My girl, being in human services and very into "analytical matters of the mind, body, and soul" has done extended reading and study on this topic, because she feels so passionately that God created marriage for a reason. She''s relayed to me that when a couple enters into marriage, and hasn''t lived together before being married, the commitment and "serious" aspect of the institution of marriage is stronger, something that, in general, those who have lived together see merely as a "technicality." Now, I don''t know and I PROMISE I''m not trying to upset anyone or be critical in any way, but that makes sense to me. When marriage becomes "just a paper," and not a life-altering change that effects every aspect of your life as you''ve known it before, marriage loses some of its "power" (for lack of a better term).

Granted, a first year of marriage (due to living together with someone whom you''ve not had to interact with daily, learning odd, sometimes crazy rituals--like toothpaste useage, TV show preferences, and other such nuances) is a struggle, and it''s stressful. Tons of my friends have told me in confidence that at times they wondered WHY they married their spouses. The thing is, though, that through that, you learn to work together, to accept one another, to create a balance between yourselves. It''s the beginning of the very mortar that keeps a marriage together.

Anyway, that''s just my view on marriage and why my girl and I are SO eager to finally be married. We want to get to building the mortar of more than a love, and a best friendship, but of a life, together. Forever, with our Father guiding us all the way. (And since someone mentioned it, yeah, I''m excited about the aspect of having sex, too. JUST a little.)
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Another note... when I got my parents together to show them the rings I'm looking at for my girl, and my dad made the comment, when talking about marriage, that he still marvels at how he continues to learn things about my mom, after almost 34 years...

So, living together will, of course, offer more information about little quirks and the like, but, I hope with all my heart to find more things about my wife every day to love and appreciate for the entirety of our lives... It's a journey of discovery that never ends.
 
It''s great to see someone else who has the same views as I do about living together before marriage and about marriage itself. A lot of people around me see marriage as a technicality, and I feel very strongly about that, because to me it''s so much more!!! However, I think that what has hurt me the most is having those people trying to impose their way of thinking on me and passing judgement. Someone even told me I was blackmailing my boyfriend into proposing because I refused to move in with him before being engaged... But my dear J is so excited about this I''d hardly say he''s feeling pressured!
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So, good on you, argh, for standing by your convinctions! I find that the key to success is faith, and I see you have plenty of that, in your relationship and in God.
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Keep at it, you''re doing great! And please keep up posted.
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Ok, chiming in on the living together thing. And no offense to people who believe in doing that prior to making the commitment of marriage. But all the previous times I have thought about it or done it, deep down I wasn''t really sure about the relationship. I wanted a trial-run to see if we could mesh and live with each other''s quirks.

This time I''m very opposed to the idea. I don''t need a test-run to know that this is a ''forever'' relationship. And I know that while there will be some adjustments, it won''t be difficult and the excitment of being married and finally living together will making adjusting our routines far more painless than otherwise. That said, due to practical reasons we probably will live together for a few months before our wedding. He''s selling his place next January and it''s silly for him to move to an apartment for a few months. (I somehow think he may not be enthused about getting married and selling his house at the same time).
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But since this is argh''s thread... I really respect how you''re sticking with your convicitions. I think you guys will do just fine together for the rest of your lives.
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Anchor,

Haha. I have had people ask me if I feel pressured, too. My girl is SO anxious and excited and thrilled to be married, that she can be, at times, "intense" about things. While it can be frustrating (as I posted just yesterday), it''s also fantastic to know that she''s that much in love with me, and that excited to join with me for life.

I''m excited, too. And her childlike excitement and eagerness is endearing; she has such spirit!

So yeah, while people ask if I feel like I''m pressured, I just think to myself, "how in the world could I be? I get to marry this awesome girl who''s just as excited about it as I am. I''m flippin'' lucky!"

One difference between us is that she''s convicted on her actions, once she feels it within her, and prays about it, and gets peace, she''s ready to dive in, whatever it may be. Me, however... well, I''m more contemplative; I enjoy details and I like to take the time to be informed, and to take the best path toward where my convictions are leading me. It''s just a matter of differences in how we process and initiate things. She revs me up, and I steady her. It works (other than having moments of frustration now and then as I think and she surges ahead).
 
Wren,

You bring up another "issue" she and I are dealing with and trying to work out. Once we are engaged, she will begin looking for employment in my area, and we will most likely look for a home. I''m on a lease at my current apartment, and it ends in September. While I MAY be able to pay by the month for an additional month (we are planning, as of now, to be married in October--a "long" engagement would NOT work for my girl. She''s a "get it done" type, if you know what I mean...), I''m not sure about that.

I''m also looking to move closer to the metro Atlanta area, and will be switching my school contract for the next school year, so I''m not certain where I''ll be teaching come next fall, or whether or not there will be a huge commute involved in remaining at my current apartment or not. I should know within the month or there abouts, which school I''ll be at, though.

Anyway, if I''m not able to remain at this apartment for a month or so before marrying, it will be interesting to see how things play out. I''m sure it''ll work out, but yeah, we have thrown out the question to one another about, "what if this circumstance were to exist?" I am pretty sure that given the situation, my landlord would work with me (he''s a great guy and I try not to be a hassle to him) and isn''t a big thing to worry about.

Friends of mine who are Christians and who have convictions similar to my own have been in situations similar to this, and due to budgeting issues and making brand new mortage payments, they have lived in the same home together for a matter of weeks prior to marriage, but as roommates (ie, seperate rooms). If this were the scenario we''d be placed in, I think we''d do that, or maybe she and I could primarily be together in the home and I could spend the night at my parents'' or with a buddy... could be like a last "hoorah," playing video games and goofing off prior to latching on to "the ball and chain" I can''t wait to grasp ahold of.

Anyway, there are always circumstances that come up. What I do KNOW is that it''ll all work out in the end.
 
Date: 3/23/2006 5:37:56 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Friends of mine who are Christians and who have convictions similar to my own have been in situations similar to this, and due to budgeting issues and making brand new mortage payments, they have lived in the same home together for a matter of weeks prior to marriage, but as roommates (ie, seperate rooms). If this were the scenario we''d be placed in, I think we''d do that, or maybe she and I could primarily be together in the home and I could spend the night at my parents'' or with a buddy... could be like a last ''hoorah,'' playing video games and goofing off prior to latching on to ''the ball and chain'' I can''t wait to grasp ahold of.


Anyway, there are always circumstances that come up. What I do KNOW is that it''ll all work out in the end.
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Hey Argh. My BF and I are also Christians and have the same values of not living together before marriage. But it seems so disingenuous to then go against these beliefs one month before you''re going to be finally married. You''ve stood strong for so long, I just wanted to encourage you to find a way to honor your beliefs fully until you are married and can live together. Like you said, there''s always a way. Live with a friend, your parents, talk to your landlord, or find another landlord that will let you rent for 1 month. But moving in together even in the slightest bit could bring temptations that you''d rather steer clear of. Just my thoughts!
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