Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offending?

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I don't think most women are as picky as the average PS'er. I wish my DH would have surprised me with an engagement ring, that would have been so romantic. But being the people we were and still are, we discussed it and picked it out together, and I even listened (and still do!) to what his tastes were too. I think most posters here are told to have a return policy or find out what their GF likes at least. I also remember some who got advice against settings that were too "masculine". They do get gently led in other directions, but it's up to them in the end.

As a man, I would rather be with a partner like you many times over, than someone who would be massively upset about a slightly wrong choice in rings (not talking about classic tiffany setting vs superbowl, more like slight differences). I'm glad some people have the same priorities from the opposite gender. I think it speaks of a few great underlying elements in your relationship

And I see people like Lyra posting a fair bit too on PS... pity they get drowned out by 'common sense' a lot.

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I think you should stick around and post on RT often Tristan. Your view point is a good one. Stick around. And post more helping other guys around. It's important.

For the record, Firenze actually has quite a few more typical and lovely settings. They just have an eye popping selection of large ones as well.

Sometimes it takes so much patience to do what all of you do day in and out. And it doesn't help that not everyone listens. If FMZIP is here, his post about a divorce diamond took a long long journey, and I think ultimately him and his partner are going to be happier with the conclusion. It is these threads that PS exists for.

Meh, even Tiffany has butt ugly settings of a super chunky nature. They need to appeal to anyone that is monied that walks though the door - but the bulk of their offerings are gorgeous.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

It does take patience. But it's also rewarding. And very much appreciated.

We really could use your point of view.

It's not a matter of all of the people listening to one person all of the time. It's a matter of there being enough knowledgeable view points and personalities so that if one of our styles doesn't work to help, someone else's style or personality or experiences or advice helps out.

Men on RT, like it or not, have a strong voice. Plus you can relate to the guys in a way some of us women can't.

No pressure, but I did want you to know that we would value your contribution.

 

[monarch64]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Gypsy, your input on settings and diamonds is just invaluable on PS. And, thank you for the compliments on my e-ring, I really do appreciate them. You're right, though, not every guy has a clue and when some of the clueless ask for advice but do not take it into consideration, ya gotta wonder what's going on in their heads.

I tried to steer my FI here...but he checked out PS and wasn't that thrilled (I KNOW, RIGHT????) so he kept with his own method, and everything turned out fine. I do have the luxury of setting any stone of his any way I want, and most brides-to-be do not have that, so I count my blessings.

Tristan, your comments are also music to my ears. Thanks for your input, I like reading your posts and they make complete sense to me.

(As most who post in RT do!)

 

[jstarfireb]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I don't think the sticky should be all about links to cheap temp settings and examples of bad rings etc. It should start off by asking - "why is it that you think she would love a surprise ring more than one that she designed together with you". Or "Why is it that you want to get her a surprise ring?" Without the follow up statements and/or warnings till you get an answer from the chap in question.

Oh, totally. If I had a dime for every PS thread from a girl saying she didn't love the ring her fiance picked out for her without her input...

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I don't think the sticky should be all about links to cheap temp settings and examples of bad rings etc. It should start off by asking - "why is it that you think she would love a surprise ring more than one that she designed together with you". Or "Why is it that you want to get her a surprise ring?" Without the follow up statements and/or warnings till you get an answer from the chap in question.

Oh, totally. If I had a dime for every PS thread from a girl saying she didn't love the ring her fiance picked out for her without her input...

I'll give you one each time that happens!

So long as you give me a quarter each time a lady with a ring that she designed thinks of an upgrade to her perfectly designed ring...

 

[Lula]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Well, now there's at thread on RT about rhodium plating being the source of conflict about a surprise wedding set. I think the sticky on RT about tips for guys choosing settings is a great idea, and I think some comments about metals choices and finishes (plating; high-polish; matte finish) would be helpful.

Also, I do wonder if buying online may have a stigma for some women. Maybe the sticky should include some tips on whether or not to tell your gf about Pricescope and that the ring was purchased online?

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

http://www.google.com/search?q=superbowl+ring&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=979&bih= Real Superbowl rings.


Superbowl ring like engagement settings: http://www.firenzejewels.com/simon-g-diamond-18k-white-gold-engagement-ring-setting_3353.html?cid=35&src=c or http://www.firenzejewels.com/diamond-18k-white-gold-engagement-ring-setting_4062.html?cid=35&src=c or my personal favorite: http://www.firenzejewels.com/christopher-designs-diamond-platinum-engagement-ring-setting_2613.html?cid=35&src=c then there is this one: http://www.firenzejewels.com/simon-g-diamond-18k-two-tone-gold-engagement-ring-setting_3347.html?cid=35&src=c and http://www.firenzejewels.com/simon-g-diamond-antique-style-18k-two-tone-gold-engagement-ring_2562.html?cid=35&src=c

And one I actually have talked someone out of: http://www.firenzejewels.com/mk-diamond-antique-style-18k-two-tone-gold-engagement-ring-setting_2355.html?cid=35&src=c Oy.

Wow, lookit this one: http://www.firenzejewels.com/diamond-antique-style-platinum---18k-yellow-gold-engagement-ring-setting_1822.html?cid=35&src=c SURPRIZE HONEY this is what I picked for you. Your a nurse and you work with your hands a lot, so I thought... this is the ring for you!

Look what I got for your size 4 finger! http://www.firenzejewels.com/simon-g-diamond-antique-style-18k-two-tone-gold-engagement-ring-setting_1576.html?cid=35&src=c

Joe Montana called, he wants his ring back: http://www.firenzejewels.com/natalie-k-diamond-18k-white-gold-engagement-ring-setting_4443.html?cid=35&src=c

And the ultimate in superbowl fashions: http://www.firenzejewels.com/christopher-designs-diamond-platinum-engagement-ring-setting_2598.html?cid=35&src=c


All of these are perfectly lovely if the lady CHOSES them. Great. But would YOU want to be surprised by these settings out of the blue? And some of them are REALLY expensive.

Wanna hear something crazy? I'm completely unphased by those rings....I think the main reason is because in North Jersey I see sooooooooooo many similar looking ones quite often!

 

[stone-cold11]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Actually, I kind of like some of those superbowl rings. Think my first design was on the chunky side and was shot down by my FI. So got her input on some rings she like and came up with the final setting.

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I just saw this thread, and Gypsy, you're cracking me up with mention of Superbowl rings. Yeah, I don't get it either...

I LOVE the idea of having a sticky. I'm sure it will help so many guys and steer them into some sort of direction (if they don't have one) or at least a positive direction (if they're wandering into Superbowl territory).

I've NEVER understood why so many guys are in a hurry to decide on a diamond and/or a setting and buy a ring *rightthisverysecond*. I really don't get why it's such an emergency.

(By the way, RT has really changed, huh? Where has Garry and everyone else [trades people] gone? That's where I see the most change in PS these days. Admittedly, I don't wander there as much as I used to so this change could have been this way for quite a while and I might just be slow to notice.)

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Thank you Monnie.

Zoe, the trade members have their own board now. I miss them too.

As for the superbowl rings. I like some of them too. But not as a surprise. Context. Context. Context. If you know your lady wants a ring like that, then get one. But to just decide that without context, not so much.

As for the white gold issue. You can't go back in time. Ultimately, the OP needs to decide what would make them happy going forward and work with the vendor to achieve that result. I don't have any white gold rings for a reason.

 

[jstarfireb]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I don't think the sticky should be all about links to cheap temp settings and examples of bad rings etc. It should start off by asking - "why is it that you think she would love a surprise ring more than one that she designed together with you". Or "Why is it that you want to get her a surprise ring?" Without the follow up statements and/or warnings till you get an answer from the chap in question.

Oh, totally. If I had a dime for every PS thread from a girl saying she didn't love the ring her fiance picked out for her without her input...

I'll give you one each time that happens!

So long as you give me a quarter each time a lady with a ring that she designed thinks of an upgrade to her perfectly designed ring...

Haha! OK, then I'd be broke. Deal's off.

(ETA: For what it's worth, I still love my perfectly designed ring, but I've been thinking about upgrading the stone because the color is starting to bother me...and my husband won't let me, even though we picked it out together!)

 

[AmeliaG]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Meh, even Tiffany has butt ugly settings of a super chunky nature.

Hmm, you mean this one?

http://www.tiffany.com/Engagement/Item.aspx?GroupSKU=GRP10011#f+5/0/0/3001/0/3001

I just saw this one in person today. A co-worker came back from vacation engaged. I have to admit it is a nice looking ring. It's blingy as hell though especially with her FI's choice of wedding band.

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=GRP00081&cid=288152&mcat=148204

Ah well, she's happy even if she doesn't have enough real estate on her ring finger for both rings.

 

[pregcurious]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

I think engagement rings are part of the evolution of a relationship. My husband and I couldn't afford what I wanted, I didn't know it wasn't affordable (because we didn't go shopping for settings, only the diamond one time), and he surprised me with something else, so I ended up with something I disliked. I finally got to reset it this month, but I still compromised because I decided to have it match my wedding band, and keep the diamond for sentimental reasons. Fast forward almost 15 years later, and we've learned to communicate much better because of this and other events. I think the ring was symbolic of where we were in our relationship and our lives, and that's okay. It's an interesting reminder of where we came from, and how we've improved. That said, we've "evolved" into working on an anniversary ring of my choosing. He gets input if he dislikes something (e.g. it is too blingy.)

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Meh, even Tiffany has butt ugly settings of a super chunky nature.

Hmm, you mean this one?

http://www.tiffany.com/Engagement/Item.aspx?GroupSKU=GRP10011#f+5/0/0/3001/0/3001

I just saw this one in person today. A co-worker came back from vacation engaged. I have to admit it is a nice looking ring. It's blingy as hell though especially with her FI's choice of wedding band.

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=GRP00081&cid=288152&mcat=148204

Ah well, she's happy even if she doesn't have enough real estate on her ring finger for both rings.

No, i mean the ones that they have in store with the honking great rocks and the honking great sidestones with yellow gold and looking like something a rapper would wear around his neck. Those two don't even look half as bad as some of the superbowl rings

 

[pregcurious]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

The superbowl links were funny, but I actually liked the emerald cut, 2 tone Simon G, with the pink gold halo as a RHR for night. It would be way too blingy for my DH.

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Is there a way we can ask the trade people back onto the RT forum?

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Is there a way we can ask the trade people back onto the RT forum?

Well, you can ask the moderators if there is anything they can do, maybe?

 

[stone-cold11]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Is there a way we can ask the trade people back onto the RT forum?

Well, you can ask the moderators if there is anything they can do, maybe?

They are in the forum, not restricted to the research forum. Just nothing caught their interest for a while now. Even the research forum is slow. There is not much activity there for months now.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/forum/show-me-the-ring/requesting-opinions-on-engagement-ring-wedding-band-t163507.html']https://www.pricescope.com/forum/show-me-the-ring/requesting-opinions-on-engagement-ring-wedding-band-t163507.html[/URL] Beautiful setting, but LARGE. How would you advise? It's a surprise. He "thinks" she "might" like vintage style.

 

[slg47]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

well it seems like in this case there is a return/exchange policy...

another thing I have noticed with guys posting about settings is they are more concerned with the tcw of the setting than the overall look. many guys think that a setting with more diamond 'weight' is bigger (because it has more carats!) but only use tcw to evaluate rather than overall proportions

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

well it seems like in this case there is a return/exchange policy...

another thing I have noticed with guys posting about settings is they are more concerned with the tcw of the setting than the overall look. many guys think that a setting with more diamond 'weight' is bigger (because it has more carats!) but only use tcw to evaluate rather than overall proportions

I'm not. In fact my centerstone is barely going to be above 0.5ct. I'm also trying to find a balanced setting which is slim but not too thin... Around 2-2.5mm right now. If anything it's the ladies saying GO big!

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Diamonds= go big. Settings= make the diamond look big (which means go slimmer on the shank, most of the time). I have a 2 mm shank. No pave. As long as it's a solid metal shank, 2mm is a good strong width.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2c-marquise-e-w-ring-too-eccentric-to-surprise-her-with.163674/#post-2977751#p2977751']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/2c-marquise-e-w-ring-too-eccentric-to-surprise-her-with.163674/#post-2977751#p2977751[/URL] The saga continues with a new chapter.

 

[Imdanny]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Well, this is the reason why I've come to believe it's ideal if women choose their own engagement rings, or at the very least they "do it together" and why I think men should choose their own rings (yes, there is a huge difference between even "plain" bands, let alone in cases where mens' rings have diamonds/ other stones).

I know the "traditional" thing is the man chooses it and surprises her but I don't see how that has nearly as much chance at arriving at the ring being what she wants, although I'm sure some women want to be surprised, so I'm not trying to suggest any hard and fast "rules".

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you think something is ugly if it's not something someone's already bought.

 

[jstarfireb]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Well, this is the reason why I've come to believe it's ideal if women choose their own engagement rings, or at the very least they "do it together" and why I think men should choose their own rings (yes, there is a huge difference between even "plain" bands, let alone in cases where mens' rings have diamonds/ other stones).

I know the "traditional" thing is the man chooses it and surprises her but I don't see how that has nearly as much chance at arriving at the ring being what she wants, although I'm sure some women want to be surprised, so I'm not trying to suggest any hard and fast "rules".

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you think something is ugly if it's not something someone's already bought.

+1 to all of this. I never understood the merits of a surprise proposal, and in fact I detest surprises in general. But in a similar way, people who have their hearts set on surprising their future fiancees won't have it any other way.

 

[TristanC]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

Fwoah... for what its worth, i think this new saga is gonna be a biggie.

Some women love surprises. Some hate them. Some guys have so much good taste they're gay yet straight. Some guys scratch themselves whilst the superbowl is on and think correctly rating the rack of the half time cheerleaders counts for good taste

There's no accounting for everything. I'm gonna try and help some people come to the right choices, even if I gotta say: its ugly, hope you haven't bought it.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Guys choosing settings -- how to advise without offendin

even if I gotta say: its ugly, hope you haven't bought it.

ROFLMAO. I can see it now. Umm... make sure you link us to it when you do so we can back you up and you know... for the sheer entertainment value.

Danny I agree.