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Heartbroken and confused....

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Awwww, Honey! I am SO sorry to hear this! I can''t imagine the pain and devastation that you''re going through.

Although it hurts right now, just know that you''re saving yourself from a lifetime of potential misery. If you''re not meant to be, then things aren''t going to work. Break ups are really tough. They hurt, they don''t make sense.

There are a lot of other fish in the sea (as cliche as it sounds, it''s true). There is someone out there that is going to love you the way you love him.

Let your SO do what he needs to do with his life, but he''s not ready yet, and you shouldn''t have to wait on him.

I''m SO sorry! My heart goes out to you. It''ll get better with time, though.
 
Oh hon, all I can say is that I agree with the other ladies on here. You deserve SO MUCH more than what he was giving you. That whole ring thing made my heart ache for you. What an AWFUL cruel joke to play on someone. All I can say is that which does not kill us makes us stronger. You might feel down right now, but I promise that you will find a way to pick yourself up to become so much stronger. Then you will have left him in the dust and HE will be the one realizing what a stupid a** he has been.

We are here for you! Head up girl!
:)ILe
 
I''m so sorry, Thomperchik...but like everyone else said, you are better than this. I sincerely hope that everything goes excellently for you. You deserve it.
 
organizing a group hug for thomperchik.....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{thomperchik}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

we''re sad for you
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but i''m sure everyone here is wishing you the very best in the future. please - don''t disappear!
 
((((((((((((((HUGS!))))))))))))))))))

Oh, Thomperchik, I am so, so, so terribly sorry to hear that you had to live through this and feel what you are feeling right now. My heart aches for you.
 
Date: 1/21/2009 8:11:32 PM
Author: whitby_2773


organizing a group hug for thomperchik.....


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{thomperchik}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


we''re sad for you
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but i''m sure everyone here is wishing you the very best in the future. please - don''t disappear!
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YES - group hug!!!
 
Count me in on the group hug. I''m so sorry to read this Thomperchick. Some of the ladies have given some great advice on here and I think you are really brave and will be strong to make the right decision.
 
This man has been gone for six months fighting a war, he may, very well, not be the same man that he was when you last saw him. He has, most likely, seen and experienced unspeakable horrors and lived under incredibly stressful situations that none of us can even imagine. I have a friend who was engaged to a marine who was fighting in Iraq. I don''t want to minimize the stress that she went through while he was deployed, but she was still able to have dinner with her family, go shopping with her friends, and maintain a fairly normal life. Her now husband ,however, was blowing up opposing soldiers in a tank, and came back with post traumatic stress disorder and a prescription for Prozac and Ativan, haunted by memories of people who he had grown close to dying, tortured by his conscience, struggling with the reality that he has killed other people. They seem to be pretty happy, and I haven''t pressed her about it, but I have seen him freak out while we were playing sand volleyball because it brought back memories of sand fleas, and I have heard him talk about how it all seemed like a video game while it was going on. He was deployed back in 2003, when the war first started, and he only had one tour, I can''t imagine what it would have been like if he would have had to go back.

I don''t think that this is a simple "OMG he is such a jerk" situation. Yes, it sucks for you, and I am sure that it is very hard, but don''t blame yourself. War changes people. Maybe he is going through an existential period in his life. Maybe he does want to continue his Navy career, and he thinks that having a wife will give him something else to worry about, another life to factor into his decisions. I think that he has a very real reason to be hesitant about marriage, and an honest excuse for having a change of heart. You speak of unconditional love... maybe it''s time to let this man go, and not blame him for what has happened, and don''t paint him as some villain.
 
Date: 1/22/2009 1:08:09 AM
Author: CellarDoor
This man has been gone for six months fighting a war, he may, very well, not be the same man that he was when you last saw him. He has, most likely, seen and experienced unspeakable horrors and lived under incredibly stressful situations that none of us can even imagine. I have a friend who was engaged to a marine who was fighting in Iraq. I don''t want to minimize the stress that she went through while he was deployed, but she was still able to have dinner with her family, go shopping with her friends, and maintain a fairly normal life. Her now husband ,however, was blowing up opposing soldiers in a tank, and came back with post traumatic stress disorder and a prescription for Prozac and Ativan, haunted by memories of people who he had grown close to dying, tortured by his conscience, struggling with the reality that he has killed other people. They seem to be pretty happy, and I haven''t pressed her about it, but I have seen him freak out while we were playing sand volleyball because it brought back memories of sand fleas, and I have heard him talk about how it all seemed like a video game while it was going on. He was deployed back in 2003, when the war first started, and he only had one tour, I can''t imagine what it would have been like if he would have had to go back.

I don''t think that this is a simple ''OMG he is such a jerk'' situation. Yes, it sucks for you, and I am sure that it is very hard, but don''t blame yourself. War changes people. Maybe he is going through an existential period in his life. Maybe he does want to continue his Navy career, and he thinks that having a wife will give him something else to worry about, another life to factor into his decisions. I think that he has a very real reason to be hesitant about marriage, and an honest excuse for having a change of heart. You speak of unconditional love... maybe it''s time to let this man go, and not blame him for what has happened, and don''t paint him as some villain.
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I agree with you on nearly every point. Deployment of any kind can change someone, and I went through the back and forth with my fiance when he was worried about how a girlfriend/wife would affect his ability to focus on flight school and a naval career. I completely understand the cold feet and the indecision, and I''ve been through the hurtful conversations that made me feel "not quite good enough." I''d much rather a man be honest about his feelings and misgivings than just pretend everything is on track and hope it blows over. However, putting a ring on someone''s hand and taking it off is awful - I don''t care who you are or what you have been through. Writing an email making a girl sound stupid and clingy but then begging her to stay is mean, no matter who you are or what you have been through.

Also, not everyone who has been deployed has been on the front lines fighting in the streets of Iraq. This boy may have just been on a ship for a long time, in which case he is just another guy with cold feet like any other person. We don''t know his situation.
 
He put a ring on, then took it off? Sorry but all bets are off. I don't care if he had bullets whizzing about his ears for a whole year, that's just ridiculous behavior.

I'm so sorry you were hurt like that but I'm thinking it's a blessing in disguise. Who wants to be engaged to someone who acts like a kid in middle school
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If my son (25, in the Air Force, been deployed 6 times now) ever acted like that I'd grab him by the ear, and shove a bar of soap in his mouth.
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Im sorry this happend to you... its not fair to be brushed off and have your confidence smashed buy someone that said they wanted to spend the rest of there life with you. Keep your head high and push threw it. Mr. Perfect is out there somewhere.
 
Date: 1/22/2009 9:53:48 PM
Author: purrfectpear
He put a ring on, then took it off? Sorry but all bets are off. I don''t care if he had bullets whizzing about his ears for a whole year, that''s just ridiculous behavior.

I''m so sorry you were hurt like that but I''m thinking it''s a blessing in disguise. Who wants to be engaged to someone who acts like a kid in middle school
29.gif


If my son (25, in the Air Force, been deployed 6 times now) ever acted like that I''d grab him by the ear, and shove a bar of soap in his mouth.
38.gif
Click to expand...
I have to agree with PP - giving you the ring then taking it back is one of the meanest things I have heard of! I can''t imagine how hurtful this would''ve been for you...
I also don''t think using the military as an excuse is acceptable.

I really do think you''re better off Thomperchick in the long run - I know nothing we say can make you feel better right now, but I send you hugs and hope you find someone who returns your feelings soon.
 
Date: 1/23/2009 8:49:32 AM
Author: arjunajane
Date: 1/22/2009 9:53:48 PM

Author: purrfectpear

He put a ring on, then took it off? Sorry but all bets are off. I don''t care if he had bullets whizzing about his ears for a whole year, that''s just ridiculous behavior.


I''m so sorry you were hurt like that but I''m thinking it''s a blessing in disguise. Who wants to be engaged to someone who acts like a kid in middle school
29.gif



If my son (25, in the Air Force, been deployed 6 times now) ever acted like that I''d grab him by the ear, and shove a bar of soap in his mouth.
38.gif
Click to expand...

I have to agree with PP - giving you the ring then taking it back is one of the meanest things I have heard of! I can''t imagine how hurtful this would''ve been for you...

I also don''t think using the military as an excuse is acceptable.


I really do think you''re better off Thomperchick in the long run - I know nothing we say can make you feel better right now, but I send you hugs and hope you find someone who returns your feelings soon.
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It reaally is one of the most awful things that I''ve heard. I hope that you''re doing ok Thomper.
 

Update -


Again, I want to thank all of you for the encouraging words that everyone has posted. This experience has reassured me how I have a wonderful group of women in my life.


I finally said good bye to him yesterday. I think it was the hardest thing I''ve ever had to go through. We talked about everything. The main problem for me wasn''t the fact that he had cold feet, it''s just the way he went about everything. We always had an open relationship and I never expected him to this. All of my friends are also shocked, because he''s just not the type to hurt someone like this. I understand that he''s deployed and it hasn''t been the easiest for him, but we always talked about everything. I am just having a hard time understanding why he would do that. I really wished he could''ve talked to me about it, and I would''ve been more than understanding.


I told him that I understood that he wasn''t ready, but that I was really hurt about everything that happened last week and that I didn''t want to be in a relationship were I felt rejected and resentful. He asked me if that was it and then he started crying and of course I did to. I told him that we get along so well and I don''t doubt that he loves me, but right now it''s not the right time and place for us to be together and I needed my heeling time. Maybe later on in the future when he''s settled out of the military and the financial crisis is over, we might meet again.


At the end of the day, I will miss him and I will always love him. I just can''t get over it. Even if he didn''t intended it to be the way it was, it doesn''t change what he did. I don''t understand what it is like for him being in the military, but I have always listened to him. I wish he would''ve talked to me about his fears instead of pushing me away and making me feel rejected. I know things happen for a reason and whatever that reason may be, I''m sure I''ll one day find out. Until then, I''m going to start the healing process.
 
Thomperchik, you''re being SO strong. I can''t even imagine how hard that must have been for you.

Take care of yourself, and surround yourself with people who love you.

We''re all here for you if you need anything.

(((((((HUGS)))))))))
 
Big Kudos for loving and respecting yourself enough to go through some intial pain. I have no doubts that it will pay off for you in the future! Take care Girl!
 
Thomper, please don't take this the wrong way, but he sounds absolutely awful. The little stunt he pulled with the ring is unforgivable, and reading that detail of your visit made me sick to my stomach. It felt to me as if he was trying to suck your dignity from you...putting the ring on, then giving you a speech about "not being ready" and then removing your ring is nothing short of a mind game and a power trip, emotionally abusive. Shame, shame, shame on him.

Then, reading about how he is unattracted to you put me over the edge. I know men are visual creatures, but love is love...and to basically kick you when you were already down is beyond comprehension.

Honey, you're going to be much better off without him. Whatever it was that you fell in love with is clearly long gone, and what's left behind is a sorry excuse and someone so completely inconsiderate doesn't deserve your love or your tears. Please continue to stay on the site...you're such a nice girl that seeing you go completely would be sad.

ETA: They say when a door closes, a new window opens...so stay with on the LIW, but instead of husband hunting, look for your window....
 
Sorry to hear about that. Sending BIG HUGS your way..........
 
Date: 1/23/2009 11:54:35 AM
Author: Thomperchik

Update -



Again, I want to thank all of you for the encouraging words that everyone has posted. This experience has reassured me how I have a wonderful group of women in my life.



I finally said good bye to him yesterday. I think it was the hardest thing I''ve ever had to go through. We talked about everything. The main problem for me wasn''t the fact that he had cold feet, it''s just the way he went about everything. We always had an open relationship and I never expected him to this. All of my friends are also shocked, because he''s just not the type to hurt someone like this. I understand that he''s deployed and it hasn''t been the easiest for him, but we always talked about everything. I am just having a hard time understanding why he would do that. I really wished he could''ve talked to me about it, and I would''ve been more than understanding.



I told him that I understood that he wasn''t ready, but that I was really hurt about everything that happened last week and that I didn''t want to be in a relationship were I felt rejected and resentful. He asked me if that was it and then he started crying and of course I did to. I told him that we get along so well and I don''t doubt that he loves me, but right now it''s not the right time and place for us to be together and I needed my heeling time. Maybe later on in the future when he''s settled out of the military and the financial crisis is over, we might meet again.



At the end of the day, I will miss him and I will always love him. I just can''t get over it. Even if he didn''t intended it to be the way it was, it doesn''t change what he did. I don''t understand what it is like for him being in the military, but I have always listened to him. I wish he would''ve talked to me about his fears instead of pushing me away and making me feel rejected. I know things happen for a reason and whatever that reason may be, I''m sure I''ll one day find out. Until then, I''m going to start the healing process.
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HUGS! I know that was very hard. You are a strong woman, and just know, we PSers will be here for you.
 
Sending lots of hugs. I know how hard it must have been but you did the right thing.
 
You have done the right thing in breaking it off. It will be a hard thing to get through; I know this from personal experience. But you are absolutely right about getting the same level of love and commitment reciprocated. So many young women do not have the courage to walk away when it just won''t work; you are made of some very fine stuff, my dear.
 
You are a very strong and mature young woman!!! As a mom, I would be VERY proud of my daughter if she handled this situation the way you have. I know a broken heart is so very painful, but time will heal it. And hopefully you will soon meet a guy that is more deserving of a wonderful person like YOU!
 
I''m sorry, but you deserve much better than this. You should be with someone that is crazy about you and can''t wait to spend the rest of his life with you! Taking the ring off your fingers (after he acts like is going to propose) just because he''s having doubts was very thoughtless. Then the being a little "turned off" by your weight gain had to be damaging to your self-esteem. Can you imagine how he is going to treat you when you gain weight after having his kids?

I know you''re devastated right now. But you deserve to be with a man that loves you unconditionally and treats you like a goddess.
emangry.gif
 
I think you have acted honourably.

I don''t know if I could have gone through that final goodbye with that much dignity.

Kudos to you...but you do deserve better. he fact he put the ring on your finger to them remove it is just crushing.

I hope you gain some peace of mind and go on to find someone in the future who needs you as much as you need them.
 
Date: 1/23/2009 5:21:07 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
You are a very strong and mature young woman!!! As a mom, I would be VERY proud of my daughter if she handled this situation the way you have. I know a broken heart is so very painful, but time will heal it. And hopefully you will soon meet a guy that is more deserving of a wonderful person like YOU!
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Ditto. Hugs outgoing to you.
 
You are a very strong person. I hope your heart heals fast and I''m sorry you had to go through such a painful thing.
 
Well done Thomper, you absolutely did the right thing, I hope knowing that will help you through your healing process. We''re always here for you for support!
 
Thomper, I am just stopping by to see how you''re doing...just checking up on you, girl!! Please let us know how you''re feeling, please? Thanks!

((big hugs))
 
yes let us know how you''re doing! I realize it''s probably really hard to be on a diamond site right now but know that we''re here if you need to vent your sadness/frustrations!

Hope you''re doing ok!
 
Date: 1/26/2009 11:07:30 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Thomper, I am just stopping by to see how you''re doing...just checking up on you, girl!! Please let us know how you''re feeling, please? Thanks!

((big hugs))
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You ladies are super sweet! I feel awful. I have my sporadic moments of sadness, anger, and happiness. All these things keep running to my head. Part of my wonders if I over reacted and if I made a mistake. The other part of me wants to stand firm to the decision I made. He wrote me an email when he got back to Bahrain and it truly did seem sincere and apologetic. He mentioned that he was truly sorry about everything that had happened, and he said that he didn’t want to lose me. I told him that I thought it would be best for him to figure out what he wanted to do and to let me figure out what I wanted to do. I don’t doubt that he loves me and cares about me. I just think there were so many factors that led up to this. Not excusing his behavior at all, but I think he freaked out when he realized what was happening. I just wish he would’ve talked to me. We would be fine today if he would’ve told me he wasn’t ready yet. It just upsets me every time I talk and think about it, and it makes me wonder if we could’ve enjoyed ourselves if we had never talked about marriage and engagement. I guess I’ll never know. I’m just impatiently waiting for time to pass by so that I can begin thinking clear, forgive him and hopefully move on. It hurts so bad and it sucks, but I think sometimes you need a heartbreak to appreciate the good things in life.
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Thank you all for being supportive. I can’t tell you how much I like to vent to you guys! Everyone is so understanding. Thank you again!
 
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