Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Help...mother in law and dog may not mix!

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
She drinks tea and I would love to slip some happy pills in it!

Maya is not little, chic though she is, and I know that will be an issue, though she is calm and does not jump. She will probably know the evil mil hates her and try to knock her down...I think dogs know this stuff.

She claims her attitude comes from being bitten but I know she NEVER liked dogs, dh has told me.

She got bitten by a cocker who was a KNOWN biter. Her friend who owned the dog TOLD my mother in law to wait in the car while she ran in to get her coat. She had told my mother in law the dog was a biter, and she tried to keep the dog inside to avoid issues, my mother in law had been in the house previously and the dog had nipped at her. Well, she claims she just COULD NOT WAIT while the woman ran in to grab her coat...she goes in after her, after being told NOT to, and the dog bit her. It was not a bad bite, not that any bite is okay, but I have to say, she was specifically told not to come in and she knew the dog had nippy tendencies. Not a great thing to happen, but she came into the turf knowing the risks and I just know before this happened she is not an animal lover. And, I accept that overall, but if you come in my home and my dog is fine to you and not in your way, keep your endless comments of a negative variety to yourself!!! (or incur my wrath!!!)

How is your cutie doing? Any names really jumping out at you? You know MY vote...tee hee and I have a cute blue and yellow daisy collar I got on line that would be precious on her...
 
how about a lot of positive reinforcement? haha whenever you see someone treating the dog well, be it husband, kid, relative or whatever... just comment on it - comment on how good the dog is... if mil says something nasty, just say, "you know... if you can''t say something nice...." I wouldn''t get obnoxious or obvious about the positive reinforcement, but just slip in in a few times here and there.... in addition to the other things mentioned!
 
LOL,
All I keep thinking is how your MIL needs a puppy!
It sounds like you just can''t win with her at all, and you know it''s coming... so...uck.
I''m sorry for you. I hope it goes better than you anticipate!
 
Hey, having it be BETTER than I think it will would be a nice first!!! Let''s hope I am pleasantly surprised...
 
Well, I hope everything works out during her visit. It''s a shame, it seems like there is always one person who manages to put a dark cloud over the otherwise good cheer of the holidays. I think every family has one or two bad apples in the bunch!
9.gif


I''m picking up our new little cutie this Saturday! I think we''re going to go with "Daisy Mae." DH hasn''t liked any of my suggestions (your help included) more than he likes the name Daisy, and I decided she needed a middle name as well, so I think thats it. 99.99% sure, anyway! I HAVE seen some really cute collars with daisies on them and have thought about getting one...it''s so hard for me to hold back and not buy every adorable thing I see out there!
 
Oh my Lord, diamondfan... In that case, I have no words of advice for crazy ladies like that! If you have tried the kindness method and it doesn''t work... I think the only thing to do is manage the evil!

Collateral damage time! The enemy is invading your territory. They plan to set fire to your resources and destroy local morale. The only thing you can do is minimize the damage and wait out the storm. Hurricane MIL is approaching!

Hunker down and ride it out like every other natural disaster!

Hugs to you! You are tremendous for being so accomodating. Most other DILs would force their MILs to stay in hotels. That you are being so gracious is a plus one for you.
36.gif
 
HAHA I have only met my MIL once and I call her Hurricane Cornelia.
 
Date: 11/8/2006 7:36:48 PM
Author: reader
HAHA I have only met my MIL once and I call her Hurricane Cornelia.
Click to expand...
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!! That is SO funny. I have a hurricane MIL, too.

Good luck with your problem DF. I wish I had advice for you, but, after quite a few years dealing with my own MIL, I never cease to be surprised at some of the rude things she will go to great lengths to do!
 
Date: 11/7/2006 12:06:11 PM
Author: CaptAubrey


Date: 11/7/2006 8:28:23 AM
Author: Tybee
I guess as dog lovers sometimes it's hard to see the perspective of someone else.
Click to expand...
Indeed. There is something about owning a dog that gives some people tunnel-vision.
20.gif


Let me offer a somewhat contrary opinion to original poster here: You are hosting a guest in your home. It is your obligation to make that guest reasonably comfortable, or not host her at all. Of course, she has an obligation to be a good houseguest, but that's on her, not you. The baby-gates suggestion seems like a sound one to me. If the kids love the dog that much, keep it shut up in their rooms or their end of the house for the weekend. It's only a few days--not a life sentence.

You may love your dog; that doesn't mean the rest of the world does too, or is somehow obligated to. Many people who appear to 'dislike animals' really have more of a problem with animal owners. I personally like dogs and have owned a couple. It's the inconsiderate dog owners--the ones who ignore leash laws, let their dogs jump all over people they don't even know, and don't bother cleaning up after them in pubilc--who drive me bananas.
Click to expand...
When i will make it to your home, please lock your kids out, i don't like noise.

Those people leave garbage in a park behind them whether they own a dog or not, it has nothing to do with diamondfan.

and yes, you guessed right, it's Irina
35.gif
 
Thanks Irina!!!

I am a very considerate person...I pick up after Maya on walks and I throw trash left by others in the park, and sometimes I put coins in someone''s meter so they won''t get a ticket, when the meter is low and I see the meter maid coming!!!

But seriously, this is not about a normal person who might not love dogs and comes to visit. The dog being a new addition is just the issue du jour, and my kids will be affected because A: they love their dog and do not care for Nana much and B: she is not subtle or quick about her feelings and has to make a stink with an audience in order to feel productive! So, it is not that I let my dog on the furniture or would not accomodate someone wo is truly unhappy around her, or would let the dog roamm the guestroom and destroy her things, but rather, it would just be a new thing for her to bitch about. Her normal stuff is not as obvious to my kids, but this would be, and they are not going to like it!
 
Date: 11/8/2006 7:47:50 PM
Author: Miranda
Date: 11/8/2006 7:36:48 PM

Author: reader

HAHA I have only met my MIL once and I call her Hurricane Cornelia.
Click to expand...
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!! That is SO funny. I have a hurricane MIL, too.


Good luck with your problem DF. I wish I had advice for you, but, after quite a few years dealing with my own MIL, I never cease to be surprised at some of the rude things she will go to great lengths to do!
Click to expand...


I KNOW! I always tell my dh, Just when I thought your mom could NOT sink any lower, BAM she even shocks ME!
 
diamondfan,

I dated a man for 4 years whose mother abhored me. It was so much less about me and more about her being a very strange, miserable woman (her son went head first over a bicycle and wound up in a coma for over a week, when he was sent home she called him a "monster" because he was so infantile and confused, she raged at me for contradicting her by telling him it was okay to be exactly who he was at the time; she hit me in the arm in public at a wedding because she was angry that I encouraged him to ride again, with a helmet of course, and on and on and on). I'm so sorry she's so wicked. As you can see, I can relate. My best wishes to you. And protect Maya.



ETA: My MIL is 86 and has Alzheimer's. She and I would not get along if she was still of sound mind. My husband jokingly reminds me of this when I wish we had more extended family in close proximity. His family members, aside from her (she lives down the road but stil doesn't know my name after being around for 3 years), are all deceased and mine live at least 100 miles away.
 
Kimberly, she sounds ATROCIOUS. How could someone be angry at someone with a head injury? Kind of boggles the mind. What was he like?

I often say my dh is pretty normal in SPITE of his mom...she and the dad were odd to say the least and obnoxious and nasty in reality...

She says she loves me to me and to him, but her actions are sooo not on target with it.

She thinks I am too spoiled and spend too much of (her) son''s, not my husband''s money. Is NOSY like you cannot believe (when she visits, she actually watches for my mailman, runs to my mail box, grabs my mail and starts looking through it and eavesdrops on my phone calls and looks at my message pad at home, even after being told FLAT OUT not to)...and the sad part is that I could tolerate A LOT and would have been a lovely and more than generous daughter in law to her if she should me a modicum of repsect and was a good grandmother to my boys. I do not mean giving them things, I mean showing interest, spending time, relating to them...my sons are all amazing and she just is so self involved and awful that she cannot appreciate them. Her loss, but when I have to be around her it is TOUGH to say the least. And now, I have lost my patience and will not allow her to pull her crap in MY house. She used to think mt dh would protect her but he is aware now too, not always, and not for the more subtle stuff, but he is getting it!!!
 
What was he like...pre-accident he was extremely happy-go-lucky. He had a drinking problem, as did she (the "monster" incident took place after a few drinks), and earned himself a few DUIs. But he was kind, generous, sweet and not so bright. She hid his problems with the authorities (threw him a b-day party while he was wearing an ankle bracelet and covered the machine that detected his whereabouts with a dish cloth). She didn''t mind things she could hide, she hated what the accident did to him.

Post accident he lost a lot of memories, he had no clue how old he was when he woke up (the nurse told him 27 and he thought he''d missed 4 years of his life, he was only 23). he knew who we all were (the hospital stay was awful, she made it clear I wasn''t welcome, yelled at nurses for allowing me to sit with him, bragged that she got into the hospital bed with him and held his head, etc.) He didn''t recongize the tree in front of the house he had lived in all his life. He examined the stiches in a baseball like they were the most amazing thing he''d every seen. Her and her husband''s 25th anniversary party took place a few weeks after he was released from the hospital, she was angry that he was incapable of giving a speech. He spent a year in physical and occupational therapy and returned to working for his dad.

Now, he''s 30, has no license (I think he''s on his 5th DUI) and lives in apartment with a buddy. My mom ran into him recently and he said he doesn''t see his parents much, they live 10 miles away. She said he''s as sweet as ever. .

She claimed to love me too (we dated for 4 years). She bought me things to assuage her guilt. We split up about 2 years after his accident. Thank goodness. ANyway, I didn''t intend to hijack, just to offer a bit of understanding as I''ve been there, done that.

I hope you can ingnore her nastiness and enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving.
 
While I am sure it was tough, I hope you are in a better place. Sadly it does not sound like he is. She sounds like a selfish monster too, maybe they know eachother?! There are people who really cannot imagine how bad my mil is. Trust me she IS that bad, and worse...just nasty and I do my best to deal...
 
Sorry to hear that diamondfan... Some people are just pure misery.

I am soooo glad that she will be leaving after a short stay. Just imagine how GREAT it will be when she leaves!
Ahhhhhhhh, sweet sweet freedom and release! Maybe you could imagine that she is dressed in a chicken suit? Sometimes that helps me defuse my iritation with people like your MIL. Just imagining her in a HUGE CHICKEN suit would crack me up. It's just so ridiculous...and sad.
 
Julian, that reminds me of the episode of the Brady Bunch where one of the kids (Marcia?) is supposed to give a speech and is so scared that someone tells her imagine the audience is in their undies so she will not be as imtimated...

Often I imagine she is an evil life form left here and the Mother ship is shortly returning to get her cause I really do not think she is human!
 
dimondfan, is her name Merle, because I think it might be my grandma. She is everything that you describe. She is now a old, bitter woman who has no friends because no one is as good as she is. She moved in with my parents about four months ago because she can no longer take care of herself. My mom has stopped playing the games and they now have a half way decent relationship.

I don''t know how to describe it really, but it is almost like my mom treats her like a misbehaving child. When grandma says "This xxx doesn''t taste very good", mom will say "you can make something else or wait until I make dinner" When she told my sister-in-law she was getting fat, mom said "that is a rude thing to say, especially in front of all these people"

Good luck. I think you should kill her with kindness, but don''t take any bs while you are doing it. Be polite but strict and firm. If you wouldn''t let your child get away with something then why would you let a grown woman get away with it.
 
rebot, I am sorry for your mom! Not easy to have a force like that in your home all the time.

You are right, one of my issues is that she is infantile and I cannot abide letting a grown person act worse than my now 5 year old. She literally stamps her feet and sulks and pouts when she does not get her way. Obnoxious in a child, downright incredible in an adult. I told my older two, who witnessed this once, that that is what a tantruming child looks like and isn''t it unattractive to see? And if they do not learn to handle disappointments and learn to handle things not going the way they wanted, they might end up as an adult who throws fits and repulses the people around them! I think they really got the message...unfortunately SHE does not. She is just a trouble maker, she likes to stir things up because she is miserable and bored and likes to cause conflict. Nearly impossible to deal with but thankfully she does eventually leave!
 
Date: 11/8/2006 11:35:02 PM
Author: diamondfan
While I am sure it was tough, I hope you are in a better place. Sadly it does not sound like he is. She sounds like a selfish monster too, maybe they know eachother?! There are people who really cannot imagine how bad my mil is. Trust me she IS that bad, and worse...just nasty and I do my best to deal...
Click to expand...
Oh, a much better place! I have a wonderful life, an amazing husband (who would never let his mom treat me poorly!) etc. Again, I''m so sorry I hijacked, it just brought back memories.
 
OMG, what a GORGEOUS pooch!!!!!!!!!!
30.gif
 
Wow, she is so gorgeous!
 
she's a cutie DF!

i agree with baby gates. it's kind of a tough call, but there is a happy medium. tell the MIL that your dog is well behaved and that you will try your hardest to keep the pup from annoying her. BUT that this is the dog's home so she has to try to understand that as well. i try to never lose the perspective of people who don't love dogs, not everyone is a crazy dog lover (i know, hard to believe!) and i try to remember that too when we are anywhere with portia...or even when people come to our house.

also amazingly enough if someone doesn't really love my dog, she kind of stays away from them. so maya might be a bit intuitive about that too. it may not even turn out to be an issue. but you can just do the best you can to keep MIL from freaking out, and giving maya a little extra love and that's all you can really do. sometimes people just will be sourpusses and there is nothing you can do bout that!

my uncle doesn't like portia and when we first got her, she used to run up to him and sniff his feet or try to get on his leg, and he'd nudge her away with his foot...the first times fairly harshly. i was like you need to STOP kicking my dog. (a few times he was at our house!) he said i just nudged her away, i didn't kick her. semantics! well after a few times of getting the death glare from me ... he doesn't do it anymore BUT portia also doesn't even go near him. she doesn't like him. obviously!!! so it kind of just works out now.
 
I think she is just so gorgeous thanks guys!

Mara, semantics are funny, one person''s nudge is another person kick. I hate people who split hairs like that when it is so clear the intention.

My MIL is just one of those people who manufactures things to bitch about, regardless of merit. We are used to her, yet she still manages to surpass herself lately with just how OBNOXIOUS she can be. Just vile. And while my kids can be immune to a lot, when she is carrying on in front of them about their lovely dog, they will notice it and may not be able to contain themselves...she does not like me, thinks I spend too much and do not cater her to enough and she also loves to sit back and watch the drama she has created unfold...She expects a lot and feels very entitled in life so that is a tough thing, never can please her and I have long since given up trying, so toooo bad...

I do very much accept and understand that not everyone likes dogs and I would understand if my dog was jumping on her or in any way being obnoxious, and I was allowing it or whatever, but I just know it will be one of the things she latches onto and complains about...there is NO pleasing her and while I accept, 1 week of it when she has an audience for her crap is going to drive me nuts...
 
I saw miss Maya today ,she is very well behaved. Such a sweetie pie!!!
 
Spoke to hubby''s Aunt today, she is coming in from Europe to be with us and I told her my fears. She is well aware what her sister can be like. She loves dogs so she said she will make a big fuss over Miss Maya and if she hears anything from my mil she will nip it in the bud. As much as she might love her sister, she is not immune to her crap, and she is on my side, which is great. She always appreciates what is done to make things nice...so let''s cross our fingers...maybe if mil sees everyone loving Maya, she will not want to be the one who is NOT, and will at least be nice!
 
Maya is such a cutie! She looks like she''s wondering whether the camera might be good to eat. A word of warning: Bitter, vindictive women can be very vicious. Your MIL might "accidently" let Maya out or do something to harm her and them claim that it was unintentional. Make sure that someome keeps an eye on her whenever she is near the dog.
 
Copy and paste this and print this out and put it on your fridge. I got this as a forward one day..it speaks volumes...feel free to highlight the important parts....
emwink.gif


PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and
dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to
the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn''t help because I fall faster
than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and
try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years canine or feline attendance is not
mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat''s butt. I
cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front
door: Another week...

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don''t.
2. If you don''t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That''s why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it''s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn''t speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don''t ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don''t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don''t smoke or drink
8. Don''t worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don''t wear your clothes
10. Don''t need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.



Have a Great Day!!
 
Alexis, this is priceless!!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top