Help...mother in law and dog may not mix!

[~*Alexis*~]

It only seemed fitting for the situation at hand....

 

[diamondfan]

Alexis, I love it! I just may have to laminate a copy and plaster it all over the house! At least I know his Aunt is on board and will keep the Wicked witch from swooping in and hurting my little pup...

 

[nejarb]

I think you should try to kill her with kindness. Maybe I''m just naive but this has always worked for me so far in similar situations....

Board your dog. call her before she comes and ask her what she likes for breakfast so you can make sure you have it there at your home for her. be super sweet to her, ask her about herself, what''s going on in her life, etc. ask her if she thinks you should make 1 big bird or 2 small ones.

when you mention that you boarded your dog for her, and you''re being this nice to her, maybe she''ll say something like "oh, you didn''t have to do that." and then next year or whenever she comes again you can double check w/ her and see if she still doesn''t mind you keeping your dog at home. of course, by this time you''ll be great friends, and you''ll have broken her down to be such a sweet lady that she''ll probably have a dog of her own, and she''ll bring it and your dogs will run around in the backyard and play and sniff each other''s behinds.

up until the point in my fantasy where she gets a dog, this is probably how she wishes things would be. so why don''t you just humor the old hag? maybe it''ll be fun for you.

 

[diamondfan]

I appreciate your ideas, but that approach will never work with her. She will then demand it whenever she is going to come. I am done going totally out of my way for her, she is such a stinker it never gets the desired effect. Also, I am boarding her at the winter break and she is currently being treated for something and needs multiple meds daily and to be supervised, so I am not going to put her in the kennel more than necessary. I am not going to banish my dog nor am I am going to give a tyrant the power in my house, she already attempts to take it too often. Bottom line? The dog is part of our home. My mother in law is a guest, but she is never pleasant no matter how backward I bend over, and trust me in the last 16 years I have tried. My dog is not a jumper, barker, biter, she does not eat off my table or sit on my furniture. She is not allowed upstairs and she sleeps in a crate at night. I am happy to put her outside as long as the weather is okay, or kennel her when need be. My mother in law is NOT a normal person who is aware of and appreciates what is done for her. She is the type who can never be pleased, not matter what you do she wants more and wants it NOW. I am not going to set that precedent and I am not going to ask her permission to have my dog in my home. If my dog misbehaved or bit her or something, we would be in a different place, but she has never even met her and makes remarks because she is a bitter woman who is not happy unless she is the center of the universe. I have never had any success with her when I attempt to accomodate or appease her, she simply assumes she is entitled and is horrible til she gets her way the next time. I have learned to just basically go deaf when she starts in. If she continues, I say, this is how it is and if you are not happy you can feel free to talk to you son about it. Either she cools it or she does talak to him and he sets her straight. She sulks and sighs and pouts for a while, sees she is being ignored and then tries for the next thing. A couple Thanksgivings ago she demanded that I give her a friend''s phone number on Black Friday. Why? A friend of mine offered nicely before the holiday to run her to a LOCAL store if I was too busy getting ready for Thanksgiving to take her. My friend knows how tough it is for me to deal. Well, now, on Black Friday, she expected me to give her this woman''s number. I asked her what for and she told me that she was going to ask her to take her to a mall, on BLACK FRIDAY, my friend, who had a houseful of guests and was with her family, should take my nasty mother in law to a discount mall nearly an hour from my house (on a normal day, forget the day after Thanksgiving) a mall with really not a nice caliber of people (there are shootings there from time to time and people get in fights over parking spaces)....she has the nerve to stomp her foot and me and go tell my dh about my not giving her the number, and my hubby said to her, Are you nuts? Why would she give it you for that? I mean, this is the level of what I deal with. As I have said, if the dog were not here she would complain (and still might) about a dozen other minor things
so she can make it ALL about her and get people to scramble to make her happy. That ship has sailed, and I just hope I do not lose it with her!

 

[ForteKitty]

That woman sounds horrible. I wish you the best of luck and will pray that she lose her voice during the trip.

 

[diamondfan]

Thanks! My two pals, Xanax and Wine will be of help...but seriously, I am hopeful she will be so happy to see her sister after a year has passed that she will be otherwise focused and not in my bubble if you know what I mean!

 

[KimberlyH]

diamondfan: Just thought I''d bump this and see how things went with the wicked...oops, I mean MIL.

 

[diamondfan]

Thanks for thinking of me!

Well, it actually went better than I thought it would. The first night she came in and there was a black cloud around here. The car service we sent was late according to her, and then he drove her to my home via a less than nice area and she came in completely freaking out and smoke was coming out of her ears. The energy in the house changed, and I was nervous that she was going to be in a "mood" the whole time, which has happened before. We were able to settle her down, though and she was so happy that her sister was here that it really made a big difference in her overall attitude. Her sister lives on a island off the coast of England and is a bit older than she is, and lost her second husband very suddenly this past spring. Traveling in Europe especially via London is scary to my mother in law and it is a long trip from California with plane changes etc. So, when her sister''s husband died, she did not get to the funeral and did not get to see her since it happened. It was a nice meeting spot for them both to come to Philadelphia. Apparently growing up, since there was a nine year age difference, they did not spend a ton of time together and WW II was going on during her childhood. Her sister was married and gone when my mother in law was 12. She told me that this past few days was the most time she ever had spent with her sister in her entire life! We have a spare car and I gassed it up and gave her the keys to it. She and the sister would have breakfast and get dressed and go off for the day with some directions from me and a map of the area. They enjoyed going in to little places and eating lunch together. Also, we had a nice mix of guests on Thanksgiving who were all very attentive and nice to her, having been prepped by me to do so, so she would not feel neglected and feel the need to make herself the center of attention She loved all the choices I made with the caterer, and she liked being waited on and pampered, which I knew would be a treat for her. My husband bought her a first class ticket to come, so she was very much enjoying that too. Greg''s aunt wanted some makeup stuff that is hard for her to get in Europe so I called Saks and made sure that they had it and that they would fuss over my mother in law and aunt when they showed up to get it. My mother in law got some great bargains at Ann Taylor down the road from my house, they have a nice petite''s selection, and my mother in law said the Ann Taylor''s in Los Angeles never have her size so she felt she scored big time.

My hubby''s aunt who loves dogs made a big point of fussing over Maya, Maya was her good doggy self. Even during Thanksgiving with food out etc, she did not jump up or try to eat the food and she does not bark a lot or jump up on people. My mother in law could not believe how nicely behaved she was, loved that she does not shed a lot and that she is pleasant. Her daughter, my sis in law, has had a couple of dogs and they have been terribly hyper and not well behaved (and my mother in law did admit it was more likely a result of my sister in law and her craziness, not training the dog etc and allowing the dog to take over the house...I do not do things that way, so she was able to see how nice it is to have a pet who is nice and behaved and how nice it is in the household)

So, all in all, it was not too bad. She still had her weirdo moments and is not really an easy or upbeat person, but she had nice time with her sister and spent a bit more time with my kids, and got to relax a bit, so I think I would say it was a succcess. I really did stress and think some of my worries helped me to anticipate trouble spots in advance and head off major issues! Scored big points with hubby too, which is nice.

 

[KimberlyH]

Yay! I''m so glad it worked out well; it sounds like the trip was a success and you went above and beyond to make her comfortable. I''m sure it wasn''t easy considering how horrid she can be, it was big of you.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Diamondfan, that''s great! I''m glad it turned out so well and it sounds like she had a wonderful time.

 

[monarch64]

And the DIL of the Year award goes to.....(drumroll, please)--Diamondfan!!!

Sooo glad to hear things went well this weekend with your MIL! I really commend you for your efforts and I''m so happy to hear nothing crazy happened!

 

[poptart]

Yay!!! You survived and MIL left un-maimed (I totally just invented that word). I''m glad that she was better and triple kudos to you for being such a great DIL!

*M*