ilovesparkles
Ideal_Rock
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HELP please! before he comes home today
- Thread starter ilovesparkles
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Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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I don''t like that suggestion only because I would not be able to "act" normal tonight. I''m pretty transparent and it is obvious when I''m hiding something specially something that makes me mad). I would need to address this ASAP and hope and trust that whatever the out come is it will be for the better.
I don''t think it''s fair for you to hold off and keep those things inside. He might not be hiding anything, but I just wouldn''t feel warm and fuzzy about it. I have been in bad relationships were I have also thought "this is normal, relationships are meant to be hard". They are not....yes, you are suppossed to have the casual "fights" but the actual relationship shouldn''t be hard.
Sparkler, I am sure you have 100,000 things going though your head.
....it will only get worse if you hold off in addressing this with him.
I don''t think it''s fair for you to hold off and keep those things inside. He might not be hiding anything, but I just wouldn''t feel warm and fuzzy about it. I have been in bad relationships were I have also thought "this is normal, relationships are meant to be hard". They are not....yes, you are suppossed to have the casual "fights" but the actual relationship shouldn''t be hard.
Sparkler, I am sure you have 100,000 things going though your head.
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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I couldn''t sit there and pretend I''m ok...I''m too transaparent and it will show...
I think it''s not fair for you to hold your feelings..and I''m sure you have a million things going through your head. I would flat out ask him if he has re-joined (without saying you do know for sure)...and see what he says...I know this is kind of like "tetsing" him...but it''s just what I would do (this is how I have caught big lies in past relationships)
Sorry sparkles
I think it''s not fair for you to hold your feelings..and I''m sure you have a million things going through your head. I would flat out ask him if he has re-joined (without saying you do know for sure)...and see what he says...I know this is kind of like "tetsing" him...but it''s just what I would do (this is how I have caught big lies in past relationships)
Sorry sparkles
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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Blenheim
Ideal_Rock
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I really have to agree with deco. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who adores you and wants to be with you, not someone who has been treating you the way that he has.
Also, it may seem like you don''t have the option of leaving because you''re so far from home, but you really do. You could catch an earlier flight back or stay at a hotel for the next few nights. Costly, but better than being stuck staying with him if things keep getting worse.
Recommended reading: He''s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (writers and consultants for Sex and the City). It''s a pretty quick read and really worth it.
sumbride
Ideal_Rock
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Sparkles -
I read through a few of your other topics, and I really have to say that I think you should end this. Maybe not tonight... wait until you''re home, or until you can line up somewhere else to stay, but he really sounds like bad news... he''s put you on an emotional roller coaster... it''s REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD!!! Get it?
I think you''re settling, and deep down, I think you know it... but you''re caught up in LUST (not love... not yet...) and you''re building a little fantasy world with no reality to match it. Honestly, we''ve all done it. Get out now and don''t get anymore hurt. You can do better. REALLY.
hugs,
Sum
I read through a few of your other topics, and I really have to say that I think you should end this. Maybe not tonight... wait until you''re home, or until you can line up somewhere else to stay, but he really sounds like bad news... he''s put you on an emotional roller coaster... it''s REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD!!! Get it?
I think you''re settling, and deep down, I think you know it... but you''re caught up in LUST (not love... not yet...) and you''re building a little fantasy world with no reality to match it. Honestly, we''ve all done it. Get out now and don''t get anymore hurt. You can do better. REALLY.
hugs,
Sum
stermag
Shiny_Rock
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I, too, just re-read the other post.
I''m a bit conflicted about this. I think I would be inclined to treat this differently if we were talking about a long, established relationship... meanwhile, the two of you basically just met. (in your first post of this thread you said you became serious in October, and I thought you might have been together for x number of months prior to that but this October you decided to plan the rest of your lives together).
With this in mind, I would basically have an honest WUWU with him (wuwu = what''s up with us). Without any theatrics, ask him what this is all about, what his intentions are and what he wants. Again, if you don''t like his answers, split.
I''m a bit conflicted about this. I think I would be inclined to treat this differently if we were talking about a long, established relationship... meanwhile, the two of you basically just met. (in your first post of this thread you said you became serious in October, and I thought you might have been together for x number of months prior to that but this October you decided to plan the rest of your lives together).
With this in mind, I would basically have an honest WUWU with him (wuwu = what''s up with us). Without any theatrics, ask him what this is all about, what his intentions are and what he wants. Again, if you don''t like his answers, split.
firebirdgold
Ideal_Rock
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Thank you Decodelighted, for saying what I've been thinking. Sparkles, RUN!
1)Telling you he had gone back on it would not be reporting but sharing. My bf told me he had gone and checked out match.com to see if the same people were there and gave me the password so I could go do look as well. (it's not like he posted a profile just signed up as something silly). And he told me when he got an email reminding him he still had a yahoo personals account. (also no profile up).
2) Have a slightly different name is just horribly suspicious.
3) Why was it in the folder when he knew you were going to be on his computer. Looking in a documents folders out of curiosity is not the same thing as reading email. And why didn't he set up a new account for her? (or is that only a mac feature?). It may be a stretch, but some guys have trouble doing the breaking up and try to get the girls to do it. (I wonder if it's the sympathy/ not the bad guy factor?)
4) Since your first post I have not had a good feeling about him, and nothing you've posted since then has improved my perception.
But I didn't want to say something negative since you're here for support. This time however...
Pack bags and go home!
ETA: opps missed other page of posts. I too have toughed it out in a bad relationship thinking that relationships are supposed to be hard work. Work, yes. Hard, no. And pretty much all the work is not letting your own issues get in the way, and to remember to listen and be considerate.
1)Telling you he had gone back on it would not be reporting but sharing. My bf told me he had gone and checked out match.com to see if the same people were there and gave me the password so I could go do look as well. (it's not like he posted a profile just signed up as something silly). And he told me when he got an email reminding him he still had a yahoo personals account. (also no profile up).
2) Have a slightly different name is just horribly suspicious.
3) Why was it in the folder when he knew you were going to be on his computer. Looking in a documents folders out of curiosity is not the same thing as reading email. And why didn't he set up a new account for her? (or is that only a mac feature?). It may be a stretch, but some guys have trouble doing the breaking up and try to get the girls to do it. (I wonder if it's the sympathy/ not the bad guy factor?)
4) Since your first post I have not had a good feeling about him, and nothing you've posted since then has improved my perception.
Pack bags and go home!
ETA: opps missed other page of posts. I too have toughed it out in a bad relationship thinking that relationships are supposed to be hard work. Work, yes. Hard, no. And pretty much all the work is not letting your own issues get in the way, and to remember to listen and be considerate.
ilovesparkles
Ideal_Rock
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As I have sat and thought about this, and not gotten anything done on my thesis
I think I have begun to form how I am going about this tonight when he gets home. As several have suggested I am going to outright ask him if he has rejoined and see what he says. We all know he will ask why and I''ll tell him the truth. And then I think I''ll ask him if we are doing this (our relationship) because it is the right thing for us or because we want to
make it the right thing. That said I don''t know how everything is going to pan out tonight. But I have a feeling that when I return home I am going to need to take a break and seriously think out everything. It just seems so impossible to move on past something you have put so much work into you know?
make it the right thing. That said I don''t know how everything is going to pan out tonight. But I have a feeling that when I return home I am going to need to take a break and seriously think out everything. It just seems so impossible to move on past something you have put so much work into you know?
Caribou
Brilliant_Rock
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Don''t stay in a bad relationship because you feel like you will have wasted time. That''s a bad habit to get into because it could potentially cause you to stay for a lllllllllllllllllllllllllong time. My best friend stayed in his relationship for 9 years too long because he kept thinking ''I''ve worked so hard......''.Date: 3/23/2006 3:25:49 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
As I have sat and thought about this, and not gotten anything done on my thesisI think I have begun to form how I am going about this tonight when he gets home. As several have suggested I am going to outright ask him if he has rejoined and see what he says. We all know he will ask why and I''ll tell him the truth. And then I think I''ll ask him if we are doing this (our relationship) because it is the right thing for us or because we want to
make it the right thing. That said I don''t know how everything is going to pan out tonight. But I have a feeling that when I return home I am going to need to take a break and seriously think out everything. It just seems so impossible to move on past something you have put so much work into you know?
You deserve to be happy and you don''t sound like you are in this post or the others you''ve post.
decodelighted
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sparkles,
First of all, long-distance dating since October (4? 5? months!!)should not, under any circumstances have been "so much work". I''ve been engaged that long & not begun planning the wedding!
Think about people who DIVORCE after 20, 25, 30 YEARS!!!!
I believe that you are just very young & very inexperienced & perhaps very naive AS WE ALL HAVE BEEN! Yes, breakups & dissapointments are tough & seemingly "wasted time & effort" -- but a) it''s MUCH MUCH better to know early on he isn''t who you wished he was - so you don''t waste ANYMORE TIME & EFFORT ... and b) you learn something from EVERY relationship, about yourself & about what you want & need in a partner. So it''s not really "a waste" at all - even if it seems so when you''re going through it.
HUGS!!!!!
Deco
sumbride
Ideal_Rock
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ok... don''t think about how much work you''ve put into it... think about how much MORE work it will require to keep it going... WAY MORE than it should!!! cut your losses!! if the fun part isn''t fun, nothing else will be. Sure, you''veput a few months in... is it really worth putting the rest of your life in because of that??? I think not!
Mimikins24
Shiny_Rock
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Hi ilovesparkles. I am so sorry to hear about your difficulties with your BF. I''m sure the fact that you have to live with the distance between you only adds to the strain, but IMHO there is more to the problems than that alone.
I have read through your other threads regarding your relationship to this point --- and I will give you my thoughts. Please don''t take offence as this is only the opinion of an outside observer. This will likely be a lengthy post as well --- so please bear with me...
In your first thread you mentioned the length of your relationship and the circumstances briefly. One of your comments in that thread concerned me though. You said that your mom was the one to turn you onto PS and looking at rings. Now I think PS is a wonderful resource as a community of thoughtful and interesting people and as an educational site for wonderful jewellery. The concern for me was that it sounded like your mom was the one to initiate your thoughts about engagement. Now this could be a completely wrong interpretation, but I am only able to go on the limited information from that first thread.
In one of your next threads, you asked for advice about your relationship because your BF has concerns about money and past betrayals by GFs. Decodelighted made some comments about believing your BF when he says that he is not ready for commitment --- and I agree with her opinion wholeheartedly. He is doing everything to put the brakes on, but it doesn''t sound like you are receiving his message that way. In fact you said, "I love him and want to be with him and am willing to do and wait for whatever and whenever it takes to be with him because that is what I want." This is a very bold statement to make after knowing someone for only a few months, and it concerns me.
In another thread, you asked about advice regarding your BF''s reluctance to tell his mother about his new relationship. The fact that a 32-year-old man would not tell his family about the love of his life is incomprehensible to me. I had an ex-BF and I refused to introduce him to my family because I was embarrassed of the relationship. I understand that the two of you met in circumstances that you may not want to discuss with his mom, but you could simply say you met through an online service and leave it at that. I don''t think his reluctance comes from the way in which you met --- I am inclined to think that it is for other reasons --- possibly another echo of his commitment issues.
Now you have come with this additional concern of his profile on the website. You stumbled on his deception and you have every right to confront. In fact, I think that you have the responsibility to confront him about his deception --- for yourself and for your future. You are obviously a bright young woman (pursuing master’s work is no small feat!!!) and are fully capable of making competent decisions on your own. It is troublesome that you have been on PS for less than a month and have had so many concerns about your relatively new relationship in that short amount of time.
Please consider everything (both good and bad) that has gone on in this relationship and decide if all this heartache is worth it. I apologize if I appear harsh, but I think it is a shame to watch vibrant women waste their time on relationships that exist in one form in their hopes and in another form in reality. Good luck with whatever you decide, but I think you absolutely have to talk to him about what you found and how you feel.
***HUGS*** Come back to the LIWs whenever you need!!!
I have read through your other threads regarding your relationship to this point --- and I will give you my thoughts. Please don''t take offence as this is only the opinion of an outside observer. This will likely be a lengthy post as well --- so please bear with me...
In your first thread you mentioned the length of your relationship and the circumstances briefly. One of your comments in that thread concerned me though. You said that your mom was the one to turn you onto PS and looking at rings. Now I think PS is a wonderful resource as a community of thoughtful and interesting people and as an educational site for wonderful jewellery. The concern for me was that it sounded like your mom was the one to initiate your thoughts about engagement. Now this could be a completely wrong interpretation, but I am only able to go on the limited information from that first thread.
In one of your next threads, you asked for advice about your relationship because your BF has concerns about money and past betrayals by GFs. Decodelighted made some comments about believing your BF when he says that he is not ready for commitment --- and I agree with her opinion wholeheartedly. He is doing everything to put the brakes on, but it doesn''t sound like you are receiving his message that way. In fact you said, "I love him and want to be with him and am willing to do and wait for whatever and whenever it takes to be with him because that is what I want." This is a very bold statement to make after knowing someone for only a few months, and it concerns me.
In another thread, you asked about advice regarding your BF''s reluctance to tell his mother about his new relationship. The fact that a 32-year-old man would not tell his family about the love of his life is incomprehensible to me. I had an ex-BF and I refused to introduce him to my family because I was embarrassed of the relationship. I understand that the two of you met in circumstances that you may not want to discuss with his mom, but you could simply say you met through an online service and leave it at that. I don''t think his reluctance comes from the way in which you met --- I am inclined to think that it is for other reasons --- possibly another echo of his commitment issues.
Now you have come with this additional concern of his profile on the website. You stumbled on his deception and you have every right to confront. In fact, I think that you have the responsibility to confront him about his deception --- for yourself and for your future. You are obviously a bright young woman (pursuing master’s work is no small feat!!!) and are fully capable of making competent decisions on your own. It is troublesome that you have been on PS for less than a month and have had so many concerns about your relatively new relationship in that short amount of time.
Please consider everything (both good and bad) that has gone on in this relationship and decide if all this heartache is worth it. I apologize if I appear harsh, but I think it is a shame to watch vibrant women waste their time on relationships that exist in one form in their hopes and in another form in reality. Good luck with whatever you decide, but I think you absolutely have to talk to him about what you found and how you feel.
***HUGS*** Come back to the LIWs whenever you need!!!
firebirdgold
Ideal_Rock
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Ok, overly blunt but..
Dump his @ss and go buy yourself a bit of bling. You deserve a better guy. And you deserve a sparkly for doing the right yet hard and painful thing.
Look, if he had made any real indication that he loves you and is looking forward to a lifetime''s commitment, I''d say stick around and talk about it. But he hasn''t (or so it sounds). Pack your bags now and leave.
Dump his @ss and go buy yourself a bit of bling. You deserve a better guy. And you deserve a sparkly for doing the right yet hard and painful thing.
Look, if he had made any real indication that he loves you and is looking forward to a lifetime''s commitment, I''d say stick around and talk about it. But he hasn''t (or so it sounds). Pack your bags now and leave.
decodelighted
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Agree 1000%. With what you have "invested" I wouldn''t even talk about it or give him the chance to explain. I''d pack my bags, go to a local hotel, get an earlier flight home or just stay in the hotel w/o him knowing where I am.
Guys like this tell you what you "want to hear". If you do confront him - he might get angry & inappropriate OR he might say whatever it takes to shut you up & appease you until your trip is over. Then, perhaps, continue saying whatever it takes to keep you thinking you''re in a committed relationship, but actually doing whatever he damn well pleases.
Do you really know he''s not juggling girls all over the country? Guys that "get off" on knowing random chicks want to "bang them" ... or telling girls they are "bangable" IS NOT WHO YOU WANT TO RAISE YOUR KIDS! Capiche? Understand? Now pack!
TBeck2000
Rough_Rock
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I would use your solid base in your religion (as referenced in this thread) and fill the rest of this afternoon with some quiet time and praying. If you have spent almost 20 years of your life building your faith and seeking answers this way, I don''t see how this situation would require a different approach.
If you are Christian, I would also suggest reading Bible verses that speak on your specific situation.
I have successfully found the answers to many of my questions/situations this way.
BTW, from a guy''s perspective: I don''t think you are overanalyzing the situation at all. If I left something on my computer or around my house that I didn''t want my girlfriend to see (I have), I would not be surprised if she asked me about it (she has). None of us are perfect, be we ARE all adults and we can have a civil conversation about our fears and concerns. Tell him that his behavior hurts you and allow him to explain his rationale. Sometimes guys have goofy reasons for what they do (I know I do). Sometimes they just screw up (Done that as well). Whatever the reason, you need to let him know that you are not comfortable with him "playing the field". Even if you are in the early stages of a relationship, you should at least give someone the courtesy of exclusivity. If you don''t, how do you expect the relationship to go anywhere?
I think it would be too early to ask for a statement of lifetime commitment from him, but an indication that this is what he intends in the future is reasonable. If he can''t give this to you, I think it wasn''t meant to be.
You need to be the one to make the first move because otherwise he''ll just assume that everything is hunky-dory (I''m a guy, so I know how oblivious we can be). Good luck.
If you are Christian, I would also suggest reading Bible verses that speak on your specific situation.
BTW, from a guy''s perspective: I don''t think you are overanalyzing the situation at all. If I left something on my computer or around my house that I didn''t want my girlfriend to see (I have), I would not be surprised if she asked me about it (she has). None of us are perfect, be we ARE all adults and we can have a civil conversation about our fears and concerns. Tell him that his behavior hurts you and allow him to explain his rationale. Sometimes guys have goofy reasons for what they do (I know I do). Sometimes they just screw up (Done that as well). Whatever the reason, you need to let him know that you are not comfortable with him "playing the field". Even if you are in the early stages of a relationship, you should at least give someone the courtesy of exclusivity. If you don''t, how do you expect the relationship to go anywhere?
I think it would be too early to ask for a statement of lifetime commitment from him, but an indication that this is what he intends in the future is reasonable. If he can''t give this to you, I think it wasn''t meant to be.
You need to be the one to make the first move because otherwise he''ll just assume that everything is hunky-dory (I''m a guy, so I know how oblivious we can be). Good luck.
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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Amen girls...
that''s what I said on my first answer to this post "and if it were me I couldn''t stand staying over with him tonight...but that''s just me...I think I would leave (I have done this before)..."
I''m sorry sparkles..but you really do deserve better!! he just sounds very immature and insecure to me...
that''s what I said on my first answer to this post "and if it were me I couldn''t stand staying over with him tonight...but that''s just me...I think I would leave (I have done this before)..."
I''m sorry sparkles..but you really do deserve better!! he just sounds very immature and insecure to me...
rainbowtrout
Ideal_Rock
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sistagrl2004
Shiny_Rock
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RUN FOREST!!!!RUN!!!! OK so seriously I read your other threads, and they are quite honestly a little creepy. Why are you on here thinking about weddings and rings and the future with someone you half-ass know? Furthermore, you don''t know enough about him to REALLY know how he will act when confronted, so being stuck at his house isn''t the safest area to ask these questions from. As everyone else says.. you meet friends, at school, at work, in the community..not on an online site. No grown-ass man in a relationship needs to be seeking out friends of the opposite sex like so anyway! Also even though you think YOU''RE in love, the harsh reality is, you might just be a girl he''s just DATING dating and there is no guarantee you''re the only one.. You appear to be in "settle down" mode and deserve somone who is on the same page.. The majority of the women in this forum are..show of hands, how many of you have open profiles on online sites and frequent places like bangme.net?
You said your mom referred you to this site, so I can only assume she may read through the messages on here now and again.. If so Maam.. PLEASE do not encourage your daughter to mkae "gift lists" look for rings, dream about dresses... or do anything but pack her S! and get the hell outta Dodge!
You said your mom referred you to this site, so I can only assume she may read through the messages on here now and again.. If so Maam.. PLEASE do not encourage your daughter to mkae "gift lists" look for rings, dream about dresses... or do anything but pack her S! and get the hell outta Dodge!
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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Furthermore, you don''t know enough about him to REALLY know how he will act when confronted, so being stuck at his house isn''t the safest area to ask these questions from.
That is true...I have had a bad experience confromting my ex...and he was someone I "thought" I knew after 5 months....and it was really scary...not horrible, but enough to scare me (and I never would have suspected he would react that way)
Sparkles, I hope you know we are not trying to be too harsh....but some things you have said just make this whole situation a little too "fishy". Not from this post, but all your other posts as well...
That is true...I have had a bad experience confromting my ex...and he was someone I "thought" I knew after 5 months....and it was really scary...not horrible, but enough to scare me (and I never would have suspected he would react that way)
Sparkles, I hope you know we are not trying to be too harsh....but some things you have said just make this whole situation a little too "fishy". Not from this post, but all your other posts as well...
decodelighted
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Rainbowtrout,
With all due respect, have you read her numerous other threads? It's not like this is even a "relationship" as most of us would describe one. It's LITERALLY a guy she HARDLY KNOWS. She's stuck in his apartment 1800 miles from home and doesn't have any idea how he might react if he finds out she's been "snooping around his stuff" -- as it might be interpreted by a less than stable man.
RUN! I don't even see how it's POSSIBLE to be worth taking the chance of discussing it in person. If it's "meant to be" he'll understand why you didn't want to have the discussion there 1800 miles from home, alone. If it's not - at least you're safe & sound!
You are your own best friend, Sparkles. What would you tell a friend of yours to do!
Deco
ETA: I have had the experience of "crashing" at a friends house a long way from home, only to find out that she had drug addicts coming in and out of her house at all hours, shooting up in her bathroom ... AND, that she had developed multiple-personality-disorder == talking to herself all night long, accusing herself of hiding valuables from herself, and attempting to change HER OWN LOCKS! Needless to say, I shook all night long, TERRIFIED, unsure of what to do, before calling a cab & getting the hell out of there as soon as it was light outside. And if it hasn't been a very nasty neighborhood in Brooklyn, I would have left in the middle of the night!
I am sorry you are going through this, no matter what point in your relationship you are in. You and he haven''t been together that long, but i''m sure it is still painful. I have to agree w/most of what''s been said. I think the most important piece of advice is to trust your instincts. I do think women analyze more than men, but I don''t think that''s a bad thing. I think you should trust yourself first! You have been questioning this guy for sometime. Listen to yourself! I also agree that you should be careful when you talk to him about any potentially difficult issues. You don''t know him that well, just b/c you haven''t been together that long. I would talk in a public place, w/your stuff packed and w/you just in case the conversation does not go well. It''s good to assume that it won''t go badly or that he won''t react badly, but it''s better to be safe than sorry, imo.
Personally, I wouldn''t be able to continue trusting my bf if I knew he had an open profile somewhere. We also met online and both told each other when we took off our profiles. If I found out that he had created another or had another elsewhere... well, that is lying. That is not ok! Having been in hurtful relationships in the past, trust is key to me. If I can''t trust you, nothing else matters. I also don''t think there''s any acceptable excuse for lying. He could''ve told you about this. He chose not to. Maybe it''s not a big deal and he''s not on there looking, but he still should''ve told you first. That''s not fair to you.
I would ask him about it. Definitely! But even more importantly, I would decide what you are willing to accept BEFORE your conversation with him. Quite honestly, I don''t he''ll admit to lying and seeking out another relationship. Most men in that situation wouldn''t. So you need to decide what you''ll accept and what you want, regardless of his actions. Are you ok w/what he has done, regardless of his reasoning? Can you move on and trust him in the same way? Then look at his reasoning and see if it''s worthwhile.
But please, trust yourself! Too many women discount their feelings and discredit what they truly know inside. Too many women make excuses for their men, for whatever reason they need. You deserve better!
Personally, I wouldn''t be able to continue trusting my bf if I knew he had an open profile somewhere. We also met online and both told each other when we took off our profiles. If I found out that he had created another or had another elsewhere... well, that is lying. That is not ok! Having been in hurtful relationships in the past, trust is key to me. If I can''t trust you, nothing else matters. I also don''t think there''s any acceptable excuse for lying. He could''ve told you about this. He chose not to. Maybe it''s not a big deal and he''s not on there looking, but he still should''ve told you first. That''s not fair to you.
I would ask him about it. Definitely! But even more importantly, I would decide what you are willing to accept BEFORE your conversation with him. Quite honestly, I don''t he''ll admit to lying and seeking out another relationship. Most men in that situation wouldn''t. So you need to decide what you''ll accept and what you want, regardless of his actions. Are you ok w/what he has done, regardless of his reasoning? Can you move on and trust him in the same way? Then look at his reasoning and see if it''s worthwhile.
But please, trust yourself! Too many women discount their feelings and discredit what they truly know inside. Too many women make excuses for their men, for whatever reason they need. You deserve better!
rainbowtrout
Ideal_Rock
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I''ve seen them, Deco. I didn''t go back and review them, but I do remember that its a short relationship initiated online somewhat questionably.
I do think that going into it confrontationally/with the intent to yell and him and then leave is a bad idea. Getting a hotel room and then meeting someplace for dinner might not be a bad idea, though.
Seriously, there''s a chance our date a friend set us up on could murder and rape us as well. Caution is good, running for the hills without a look back might be a tad paranoid.
I do think that going into it confrontationally/with the intent to yell and him and then leave is a bad idea. Getting a hotel room and then meeting someplace for dinner might not be a bad idea, though.
Seriously, there''s a chance our date a friend set us up on could murder and rape us as well. Caution is good, running for the hills without a look back might be a tad paranoid.
firebirdgold
Ideal_Rock
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Not to beat a dead horse with a stick... and this time I''m going to be blunt and crude.
But if you can''t imagine him saying anything in his defense that would make you want to sleep next to him tonight let alone have sex... you should not still be in his space. Can you currently picture have sex with him in the next 8 hours? Didn''t think so.
Even if you don''t want to break up with him, go to a hotel now just so you have the space and security to regain your emotional equilibrium.
We''re all thinking good thoughts your way. (what my sister says instead of I''ll say a prayer for you.
)
But if you can''t imagine him saying anything in his defense that would make you want to sleep next to him tonight let alone have sex... you should not still be in his space. Can you currently picture have sex with him in the next 8 hours? Didn''t think so.
We''re all thinking good thoughts your way. (what my sister says instead of I''ll say a prayer for you.
rainbowtrout
Ideal_Rock
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ilovesparkles:
as a thought, have you considered getting some sort of background check on this guy? criminal record,credit report, etc? I''m not saying he''s any sort of horrible person, but when you meet someone like this it seems to be a good idea. My mother did that with a guy once, turned up clean and her worried were eased.
as a thought, have you considered getting some sort of background check on this guy? criminal record,credit report, etc? I''m not saying he''s any sort of horrible person, but when you meet someone like this it seems to be a good idea. My mother did that with a guy once, turned up clean and her worried were eased.
ilovesparkles
Ideal_Rock
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OK, I am not defending him. But I just want to put out there that I haven''t come and publicized about the wonderful things well because I don''t need help with them. I have only posted about the troublesome things because I need advice. With that in mind, that isn''t all he is. And I know I have only known him for about 5+ months and it may sound absurd, but I do know that I do not need to be afraid of how he will react. He is a genuinely good person, I think things for us have just been incredibly rushed, mostly because of the distance. No I do not know him in and out, but I do know him, better than most of you might think is possible. This does not in any way change how I feel about what has happened. I am still confronting him tonight and I am still very upset. But I am not running away. However, AMy94, I don''t know that I am ok with any explanation he will have. And that might be myu answer right there. But the most important thing to me right now is that in a relationship, the two people need to talk about things not just make individual decisions. THat may sound ridiculous to some here, but I can still make the same decision after talking to him about the issue. Right now, I am going to turn off the TV and stop wallowing in my sorrow. I am going to take a shower and try to concentrate enough to work on my thesis until he gets home.
ilovesparkles
Ideal_Rock
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Date: 3/23/2006 5:26:18 PM
Author: Wren
Not to beat a dead horse with a stick... and this time I'm going to be blunt and crude.
But if you can't imagine him saying anything in his defense that would make you want to sleep next to him tonight let alone have sex... you should not still be in his space. Can you currently picture have sex with him in the next 8 hours? Didn't think so.Even if you don't want to break up with him, go to a hotel now just so you have the space and security to regain your emotional equilibrium.
We're all thinking good thoughts your way. (what my sister says instead of I'll say a prayer for you.)
We have not had sex. That is something we are not ready for right now and probably one of the smartest decisions we made early on. Yes we sleep in the same bed, and its so cliche but thats all we do. SLeep and cuddle.
ETA: If I feel uncomfortable in the same bed I will sleep on the couch tonight and tomorrow. Not a big deal but I truly cannot afford to go to a motel or catch an earlier flight.
firebirdgold
Ideal_Rock
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Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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Good luck sparkles...and please do keep us posted
I am sure not all is bad...otherwise you wouldn''t be with him....
Some guys have a way to turn things around and we end up feeling bad (i.e. you feeling bad for snooping aound instead of him explaining himself). Just be careful he doesn'' try to do that because that wouldn''t get you anywhere.
Maybe write down the things you want to say to him...just in case the conversation gets off track on the "why were you snooping around my stuff?" side. This is about how he lied to you...hoe he was not straight up and why he still finds the need to have people look at him and vote or why he needs to vote for other people...and why, if it''s not a big deal, didn''t he just stick with his old nickname and told you about his reasons to still want to be on that site.
M~
I am sure not all is bad...otherwise you wouldn''t be with him....
Some guys have a way to turn things around and we end up feeling bad (i.e. you feeling bad for snooping aound instead of him explaining himself). Just be careful he doesn'' try to do that because that wouldn''t get you anywhere.
Maybe write down the things you want to say to him...just in case the conversation gets off track on the "why were you snooping around my stuff?" side. This is about how he lied to you...hoe he was not straight up and why he still finds the need to have people look at him and vote or why he needs to vote for other people...and why, if it''s not a big deal, didn''t he just stick with his old nickname and told you about his reasons to still want to be on that site.
M~
Mandarine
Ideal_Rock
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