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How did you keep your courage or faith in a trying time?

I’m so sorry you are going through this trying time @nala. Fear of the unknown is the worst. I’m no help because I’m a worrier, but I believe in confiding to some prayer warriors in my life, and I believe in prayer.

Knowing that there are people supporting me, praying for me is a comfort. If you are a believer, and have a support system, ask for prayer.
 
I’m so sorry Nala. You are strong and you will fight this. As a cancer survivor I know the panic you are feeling now, it’s a huge sickening shock. Take it one step at a time. I used deep breathing exercises to help calm myself. Having supportive family that you can share your feelings with is really helpful. We all care about you, Big hugs!

PS. Try to stay away from Dr. Google.
 
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I'm so sorry. While I respect your privacy, know that it really can help to lean on a bunch of "strangers" like us, who are not only here to support you, you don't have to worry about our feelings and upsetting us. We're here for you.
 
I'm sorry you are going through this, I had a cancer scare last year and I remember that fear. I tried to push it aside until I got the biopsy results back but for a couple of days the fear got me.

I wasn't much of a believer for most of my life but lately having a grain of faith helped me deal with fear and things out of my control.

Big hug to you.
 
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(((Hugs))) @nala, and sending you strength.
 
Thinking about you, @nala, and sending inner strength, peace, and comfort. Sometimes it's better to stay off the www until you
feel stronger. It can be just too much scary information that may not apply at all. We're here to listen when you're ready. Some
times (like @Begonia was saying) when you say something out loud it starts to desensitize things. Wishing I could give you a big
hug right now.
 
I try to concentrate on only the facts as I know them, and not on the what-ifs. And I say "try" because I am a worrier who can spin myself out of control with fear. So stay away from google, it is not your friend in circumstances like this.

I am sending big bear hugs to you for strength. I hope that this uncertain time will be short, and you will soon have your plan of action moving forward.
 
I am so sorry you are going through this @nala There's nothing I think I can say that will make it better for you. I am a person of faith and i could go into a long winded explanation of how I have faith when i see bad things happen but i dont know that will help you right now - and frankly many people are pretty anti-religion and I dont like being made fun of for my unwavering faith but if you think it will help you i am absolutely happy to share it.

Right now just try to not let it consume you by endless internet searches. Try to take this time you have right now to appreciate your family around you and people who want to spend time with you. Your doctors see this every day, just trust you have chosen the right care team and let them guide you through the diagnosis.

You choose to have faith and courage, just like happiness, it's up to you, no one can give it to you. You choose to be stronger than the diagnosis. You choose to live your days, whether there are 200 or 20,000 left, in strength. It's up to you, i wish i could give you some of mine, I wish i had magic words that would help you at 3am, but I am here for you, we all are.
 
Something else that helped me nala, I love the outdoors and I’m a walker. Just getting out into nature and walking helped to center me I think. Don’t underestimate the benefits of endorphins. It helps with mind, body and soul to be in nature too. It helped me recover from a major surgery as well. Your mind is very powerful and your body responds accordingly. Whatever makes you happy, do it!
 
Feeling scared, vulnerable, angry, sad, confused, frustrated and all the other emotions is how the mind copes with disturbing situations. Lean into all of those emotions as they happen because as you're experiencing them, your subconscious is preparing a game plan to help you cope in the long term but you need to work through those emotions in the short term. It's a similar process to coping with grief. The survival instinct baked into us won't let us succumb to grief and other difficult situations. Sooner or later the path through reveals itself and while it may not be an easy one, it is the one your subconscious has determined is the best way forward even if it means first hitting rock bottom.
 
Thank you all for taking the time to provide insight, wisdom and comfort. I really appreciate it and I keep coming back to reread your words of wisdom.
 
One day at a time @nala. I’m glad you’ve got supportive friends and family to help you through this.
 
I'm sorry for whatever it is you're going through. Keep doing the things you love with people you love. Listen to music you love and sing and dance like you're on stage at a concert hall. If you want to cry - do it as loudly and dramatically as you want. If you want to laugh - do that as loudly and dramatically as you want
 
The times I had really hard things happen, I struggled. I was anxious. Maybe talking to others dealing, or have dealt with, your situation will bring comfort. Or at least help to process the situation. It's okay to fall apart for a while. Human nature and resilience as it is, you will find your footing again as you process this thing. When you can, please reach out to professionals who work with people going through similar situations. They can help you sort your feelings out.

I am so sorry you are going through this but you are not alone.
 
There is something else I forgot to mention, which is to ask your doc about some anti-anxiety meds if you're comfortable with that. Many years ago we found out that my DH had a tumor in his spine and it turned our world upside down. He needed surgery and radiation He wasn't even 30. I had to take something just so that I could sleep at night. Some people are hesitant to do this but for me it helped because the more rested I was, the more I felt I could deal with what was going on.
 
Mreader said:
There is something else I forgot to mention, which is to ask your doc about some anti-anxiety meds if you're comfortable with that.
Click to expand...

@Mreader that is a great suggestion. My 76yo Mum in the space of 2yrs lost my Dad, had a stroke then almost a year to the date of the first one had another stroke. Her GP finally convinced her that taking meds wasn’t a bad thing rather something to assist her with sleepless nights and the anxiety that then builds (which in Mum’s case then leads to stress which can lead to another stroke).
 
After all of your kind words, I decided to share my fear. If anyone can learn from this, it could be a PSA.
Last year I started having a lot of digestive issues. So in April of 2023, I got an endoscopy and colonoscopy and the results were all clear. My Gi said I had mild gastritis and prescribed me omeprazole but told me to try to wean myself off it by December. I also did my mammogram in Late May of 2023 and all was clear. I did a pelvic and vaginal ultrasound and all clear. I even did some painful tissue removal test down there and all clear. But in December of 2023 When I weaned myself off Omeprazole, I started experiencing a lot of acid production and heartburn. it was to be expected due to what I had read. But I made an appointment with my primary to find coping strategies or to look further into it. I did not buy gastritis as the culprit. Bc it was every day. So I asked for an an. Abdominal ultrasound . And that is when my nightmare began. They called me within 20 minutes of leaving the appt. I read the report. A mass in liver. 7 cm by 1.4 by 7 cm. A fatty liver. And gallstones
This was last Thursday. I immediately got bloodwork done on Friday. I met a specialist on Tuesday who didn’t have my bloodwork yet. He touched my belly and looked at me and said I was young, healthy and to calm down. He said that I am not manifesting any symptoms. So calm down. Right. In the absence of labwork and anything concrete, I didn’t really believe him. And I have been living a nightmare all week.

My bloodwork finally came in today. It was delayed bc my primary sent it to GI and expected him to contact me, I discovered when she finally called me back today. she told me that 2 tests are mildly elevated but everything else was normal. Of course they are the liver ones. She reassured me that I should remain calm bc they are mildly elevated. I am trying to remain hopeful. My My MRI Is scheduled for Wednesday and I am praying that I can remain hopeful and start seeing clearly, whatever outcome it may be. I think that at least now, I can get myself together enough to go to work on Monday.
Thank you all.
My PSA is keep pushing if something doesn’t seem right. My Gi and Primary assure me that my digestive issues and symptoms have nothing to do with my liver, and that this mass was found incidentally. I think I got a false sense of security from my previous exams and labwork. I guess at a certain age, we just need to monitor every organ that we have.
ETA: I have felt a lot of love and support and had many loved ones pray for me. And as a believer, I too have been praying so I did want to acknowledge that. And hopefully for those of you who are believers, please say a prayer for me.
 
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nala said:
After all of your kind words, I decided to share my fear. If anyone can learn from this, it could be a PSA.
Last year I started having a lot of digestive issues. So in April of 2023, I got an endoscopy and colonoscopy and the results were all clear. My Gi said I had mild gastritis and prescribed me omeprazole but told me to try to wean myself off it by December. I also did my mammogram in Late May of 2023 and all was clear. I did a pelvic and vaginal ultrasound and all clear. I even did some painful tissue removal test down there and all clear. But in December of 2023 When I weaned myself off Omeprazole, I started experiencing a lot of acid production and heartburn. it was to be expected due to what I had read. But I made an appointment with my primary to find coping strategies or to look further into it. I did not buy gastritis as the culprit. Bc it was every day. So I asked for an an. Abdominal ultrasound . And that is when my nightmare began. They called me within 20 minutes of leaving the appt. I read the report. A mass in liver. 7 cm by 1.4 by 7 cm. A fatty liver. And gallstones
This was last Thursday. I immediately got bloodwork done on Friday. I met a specialist on Tuesday who didn’t have my bloodwork yet. He touched my belly and looked at me and said I was young, healthy and to calm down. He said that I am not manifesting any symptoms. So calm down. Right. In the absence of labwork and anything concrete, I didn’t really believe him. And I have been living a nightmare all week.

My bloodwork finally came in today. It was delayed bc my primary sent it to GI and expected him to contact me, I discovered when she finally called me back today. she told me that 2 tests are mildly elevated but everything else was normal. Of course they are the liver ones. She reassured me that I should remain calm bc they are mildly elevated. I am trying to remain hopeful. My My MRI Is scheduled for Wednesday and I am praying that I can remain hopeful and start seeing clearly, whatever outcome it may be. I think that at least now, I can get myself together enough to go to work on Monday.
Thank you all.
My PSA is keep pushing if something doesn’t seem right. My Gi and Primary assure me that my digestive issues and symptoms have nothing to do with my liver, and that this mass was found incidentally. I think I got a false sense of security from my previous exams and labwork. I guess at a certain age, we just need to monitor every organ that we have.
ETA: I have felt a lot of love and support and had many loved ones pray for me. And as a believer, I too have been praying so I did want to acknowledge that. And hopefully for those of you who are believers, please say a prayer for me.
Click to expand...

Prayers incoming that it's a fixable health issue, that your doctors have wisdom and guidance in your care and that your health and peace of mind are restored.
 
nala said:
After all of your kind words, I decided to share my fear. If anyone can learn from this, it could be a PSA.
Last year I started having a lot of digestive issues. So in April of 2023, I got an endoscopy and colonoscopy and the results were all clear. My Gi said I had mild gastritis and prescribed me omeprazole but told me to try to wean myself off it by December. I also did my mammogram in Late May of 2023 and all was clear. I did a pelvic and vaginal ultrasound and all clear. I even did some painful tissue removal test down there and all clear. But in December of 2023 When I weaned myself off Omeprazole, I started experiencing a lot of acid production and heartburn. it was to be expected due to what I had read. But I made an appointment with my primary to find coping strategies or to look further into it. I did not buy gastritis as the culprit. Bc it was every day. So I asked for an an. Abdominal ultrasound . And that is when my nightmare began. They called me within 20 minutes of leaving the appt. I read the report. A mass in liver. 7 cm by 1.4 by 7 cm. A fatty liver. And gallstones
This was last Thursday. I immediately got bloodwork done on Friday. I met a specialist on Tuesday who didn’t have my bloodwork yet. He touched my belly and looked at me and said I was young, healthy and to calm down. He said that I am not manifesting any symptoms. So calm down. Right. In the absence of labwork and anything concrete, I didn’t really believe him. And I have been living a nightmare all week.

My bloodwork finally came in today. It was delayed bc my primary sent it to GI and expected him to contact me, I discovered when she finally called me back today. she told me that 2 tests are mildly elevated but everything else was normal. Of course they are the liver ones. She reassured me that I should remain calm bc they are mildly elevated. I am trying to remain hopeful. My My MRI Is scheduled for Wednesday and I am praying that I can remain hopeful and start seeing clearly, whatever outcome it may be. I think that at least now, I can get myself together enough to go to work on Monday.
Thank you all.
My PSA is keep pushing if something doesn’t seem right. My Gi and Primary assure me that my digestive issues and symptoms have nothing to do with my liver, and that this mass was found incidentally. I think I got a false sense of security from my previous exams and labwork. I guess at a certain age, we just need to monitor every organ that we have.
ETA: I have felt a lot of love and support and had many loved ones pray for me. And as a believer, I too have been praying so I did want to acknowledge that. And hopefully for those of you who are believers, please say a prayer for me.
Click to expand...

Keeping you in my prayers, @nala.
 
Stay positive nala. There are multiple types of benign liver lesions. The testing phase to get to a diagnosis is an emotionally grueling process. We’ll stay with you here and help you cope <3
 
@nala, You have so many people here who want to help you. Lean on us, let us help support you when you need it. You have been given so many thoughtful words of wisdom here. Everything that I can think of has already been said but please know I’m in your corner, thinking of you, sending good thoughts, hugs and prayers. Please know we are all here for you.

Please talk to your doctor about the anxiety you are experiencing. They can give you something to help reduce your anxiety and help you sleep.
 
Prayers and asking others for prayers.
Sometimes you just have to say poop happens and keep on keeping on.
This song helps, even taking a walk while thinking it.
This one to. It reminds me that I do not have to be perfect, no one is perfect.
 
Did anything change recently when this started?
A friend of mine changing catsup brands brought on very bad stomach issues for example.
Some coffee types brands taste real good but oooohh does my tummy hate them. So changing coffee brands could trigger me.

Do they have you doing a food diary?
Record everything you eat and drink and record your symptoms after each meal at around the 2 hour point.
See a pattern?
If not then change something, for example change your drink.
Try different breads.
Don't use catsup or other toppings.

Basically change things until you see a pattern in your log.

This is really the only way to do it, doctors can test you for allergies but they can not tell you your food intolerances.

Prayers outgoing for you.
 
I also have a fatty liver and one that is a little odd shaped.
They had multiple doctors look at the imaging and they concluded it was nothing to worry about but the report sounded scary.
This happens to me a lot actually. I'm just weird inside and out I guess. lol
Will be praying that its a nothing to worry about for you too.
 
nala said:
After all of your kind words, I decided to share my fear. If anyone can learn from this, it could be a PSA.
Last year I started having a lot of digestive issues. So in April of 2023, I got an endoscopy and colonoscopy and the results were all clear. My Gi said I had mild gastritis and prescribed me omeprazole but told me to try to wean myself off it by December. I also did my mammogram in Late May of 2023 and all was clear. I did a pelvic and vaginal ultrasound and all clear. I even did some painful tissue removal test down there and all clear. But in December of 2023 When I weaned myself off Omeprazole, I started experiencing a lot of acid production and heartburn. it was to be expected due to what I had read. But I made an appointment with my primary to find coping strategies or to look further into it. I did not buy gastritis as the culprit. Bc it was every day. So I asked for an an. Abdominal ultrasound . And that is when my nightmare began. They called me within 20 minutes of leaving the appt. I read the report. A mass in liver. 7 cm by 1.4 by 7 cm. A fatty liver. And gallstones
This was last Thursday. I immediately got bloodwork done on Friday. I met a specialist on Tuesday who didn’t have my bloodwork yet. He touched my belly and looked at me and said I was young, healthy and to calm down. He said that I am not manifesting any symptoms. So calm down. Right. In the absence of labwork and anything concrete, I didn’t really believe him. And I have been living a nightmare all week.

My bloodwork finally came in today. It was delayed bc my primary sent it to GI and expected him to contact me, I discovered when she finally called me back today. she told me that 2 tests are mildly elevated but everything else was normal. Of course they are the liver ones. She reassured me that I should remain calm bc they are mildly elevated. I am trying to remain hopeful. My My MRI Is scheduled for Wednesday and I am praying that I can remain hopeful and start seeing clearly, whatever outcome it may be. I think that at least now, I can get myself together enough to go to work on Monday.
Thank you all.
My PSA is keep pushing if something doesn’t seem right. My Gi and Primary assure me that my digestive issues and symptoms have nothing to do with my liver, and that this mass was found incidentally. I think I got a false sense of security from my previous exams and labwork. I guess at a certain age, we just need to monitor every organ that we have.
ETA: I have felt a lot of love and support and had many loved ones pray for me. And as a believer, I too have been praying so I did want to acknowledge that. And hopefully for those of you who are believers, please say a prayer for me.
Click to expand...

To answer your original question: I am oddly stoic and calm about any potential health issues of my own. I find myself anxious and obsessive over others’ and it’s been such a trigger that I have had to learn how to cope. Me? I’ll be at peace when I go whether I have the chance to say goodbyes or it’s sudden. I can’t really explain that feeling. I’d say it’s the Wellbutrin I’m on, or the occasional anti-anxiety med, but I’ve felt this way since I was about 11/12.

As far as your health and not feeling ready to go, along with lots of other feelings including anger, that seems to be such a common experience! I’ve written a lot about my dad and his cancers and death here over the years. I think he was scared but the first thing he did was ask my mother to shoot him when he woke up and found out they couldn’t save his colon/intestine enough to avoid a colostomy. His bag was permanent and that sent him into a very dark place. But he got through that. He healed, he went back to work, he went through another couple bouts of cancers, he got to see his granddaughters as infants and older, he did all kinds of things for 16 years after his original diagnosis. His father died of colon cancer within 6 months of his diagnosis. Medicine has progressed. I’m proud of you for pressing for more testing. That’s so important!

I highly recommend, as others have, asking for a mild (or stronger!) anti-anxiety med. There are several that are non-habit forming and effective. Wishing you the absolute best.
 
@nala I am keeping you in my prayers and hope the answers you receive are for something innocuous and that all will be well.
 
@nala I am so sorry you are going through this! I have no wisdom to share except to say that it ain’t over until it’s over. Trust yourself to know your body and to advocate for yourself. I hope you feel the positive vibes coming your way.
 
Hi Nala -

Apart from prayer and generalized encouragement, I don't have much to offer here (seriously - does anyone?) - except for 2 things that have helped me as I've gone through multiple issues.

1. Most weirdo test results are either nothing, or indicate something that can be addressed fairly easily.

2. Almost NOBODY gets to their 70's without going through some major health issue - at least once, and often more. Yet they live to tell the tale. Maybe this is your 'thing' that you will look back on when you're 70 and say "I remember when...."

3. And this is the big one....

I was in what they call "an air incident" when I was 28 (we were caught in an electrical storm, couldn't make the runway and ended up in a paddock). For YEARS I was terrified of flying. Then I did a fear of flying course that said that the people with the worst fear of flying were the ones with the best imaginations. Because - turbulence is NOT "crashing" - but we imagine all the things that might happen. Nala - you're afraid of dying / being terminally ill, right? But the truth is - you're not currently dying. In your actual condition, nothing has really changed from the day before the tests to now. What *has* changed is that you got your results and now your imagination is in hyper-drive. I'm NOT saying there is no abnormality. I'm just saying that you've gone from mildly concerned to panicked because of test results - not because of a change in your actual health since last week. Whatever you enjoyed last week - give yourself permission to continue to enjoy it now. And even if everything comes back positive - remember, whatever you could do a week ago, you can still do now.

I heard a story of a woman who was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer many years ago. She recently died (I read this story attached to her obituary, so this is a real thing, not just some made up, uplifting story) - 21 years later - not knowing she had the disease. 21 years ago, after a test for something else, a doctor called her home and her husband answered the phone. The dr gave him the results, told him his wife had 3 months to live - 4 at most - that there was nothing they could do for her, and to just help her enjoy her last days.

Her husband never told her these results (and let me be clear - I disagree with this, but he knew her, loved her, and who am I to judge?) - and she lived happily for another 21 years with no treatment whatsoever.

I do believe the mind is stronger that the body - I've seen it in myself dozens of times. And I absolutely believe that stress and fear just make things worse. So hold onto the fact that, regardless of what the results say, you are still the same person, it's still your body, and you are still capable of living your life and experiencing joy. You can still laugh.

And - lastly and, I'm sure, least importantly - I have Crohn's disease and am sick in the gut for at least part of every day. And I have had a lump in my liver for about 10 years now. In my case, it's chronic, not acute, and it's not going to kill me. I'm just putting this out there as one example of someone with similar symptoms who does *not* have the things you fear most. (See point 1.)

I'll be praying for you. And in my heart, I'm sending you BIG hugs! <3
 
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