RunningwithScissors
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2019
- Messages
- 3,822
To me, @Lpsl, it sounds like you are not entirely happy with your diamond. Yes, there are things you like about it, and you feel an attachment to it because it has been with you through the highs and lows of the last several years. But still, you are on this forum asking how to love it, how to make peace with it. I'm not sure that's a good sign.
To me, when I love something, I know in my heart, in my bone marrow, that I love it. That doesn't mean it doesn't have flaws, it just means I love the thing or person anyway. I don't have to ask others how to make peace with it. (It's like what they say about orgasms... if you have to ask if you've had one... you haven't.)
As a female, I was brought up to be a people pleaser -- if I had any desires other than what was good for others, I was labeled as "bad." To this day, my parents think I'm a bad person because I spend some of my disposable income on myself (for sparklies). It has taken me YEARS to finally be able to tell my inner circle that putting together a small but high quality jewelry wardrobe is important to me. I still can't tell my parents or even show them most of my bling.
So when I read your original post, I worry that societal pressure to be a "good" female ("good" females are selfless and don't ask for things for themselves like jewelry or other non-essentials) is making you feel guilty for not really being at peace with your engagement ring. Or you are worried about hurting your husband by telling him your true feelings.
I just don't want that to be the case for you. It's OKAY to want something different if you do (and its OKAY to love the one you have too). You and your family may not be in a position financially to change diamonds right now, but that doesn't mean that will always be the case if that is your wish. We can't always get what we want immediately, but we can down the road if we work hard in that direction.
For me, I was very unhappy with my first engagement ring. My husband took me to look at rings at a place that was very high end. He selected rings for me to try on and I did, selecting an arrangement and setting I liked from the ones he showed me. Months later when he proposed, he did so with a ring absolutely nothing like what I had selected. I didn't say anything because we had so many other things to do and purchase at that time we didn't have the money, time or mental bandwidth to change rings. But I was unhappy for years and years with it. I knew in my core I wanted something different.
Fifteen years in, we upgraded my original ring for the one I have now. It took us that long to be financially secure enough to start buying the type of jewelry I wanted (first we had paid off his student loans, paid down our mortgage, saved for retirement, etc etc). It also took that long for my husband to understand that having a small, high quality jewelry collection meant to me. And the 15 year upgrade only happened because I led the way and made it happen. He is not a gift giver, so to this day, I buy my own jewelry, though now at least it's with his support and encouragement (and that means the world to me).
So, I really think only you can figure out if you love your ring and it's the forever one or not. And life is long (hopefully) and our tastes change and evolve.
Good luck and enjoy your ring -- whether or not it's the forever one there's still a lot of pleasure you can get from it. Take it on a date like someone suggested earlier and see it in different lighting. Take pics of it with different outfits. Enjoy it. If down the road when circumstances allow, you decide you want a different one, that's OKAY!
To me, when I love something, I know in my heart, in my bone marrow, that I love it. That doesn't mean it doesn't have flaws, it just means I love the thing or person anyway. I don't have to ask others how to make peace with it. (It's like what they say about orgasms... if you have to ask if you've had one... you haven't.)
As a female, I was brought up to be a people pleaser -- if I had any desires other than what was good for others, I was labeled as "bad." To this day, my parents think I'm a bad person because I spend some of my disposable income on myself (for sparklies). It has taken me YEARS to finally be able to tell my inner circle that putting together a small but high quality jewelry wardrobe is important to me. I still can't tell my parents or even show them most of my bling.
So when I read your original post, I worry that societal pressure to be a "good" female ("good" females are selfless and don't ask for things for themselves like jewelry or other non-essentials) is making you feel guilty for not really being at peace with your engagement ring. Or you are worried about hurting your husband by telling him your true feelings.
I just don't want that to be the case for you. It's OKAY to want something different if you do (and its OKAY to love the one you have too). You and your family may not be in a position financially to change diamonds right now, but that doesn't mean that will always be the case if that is your wish. We can't always get what we want immediately, but we can down the road if we work hard in that direction.
For me, I was very unhappy with my first engagement ring. My husband took me to look at rings at a place that was very high end. He selected rings for me to try on and I did, selecting an arrangement and setting I liked from the ones he showed me. Months later when he proposed, he did so with a ring absolutely nothing like what I had selected. I didn't say anything because we had so many other things to do and purchase at that time we didn't have the money, time or mental bandwidth to change rings. But I was unhappy for years and years with it. I knew in my core I wanted something different.
Fifteen years in, we upgraded my original ring for the one I have now. It took us that long to be financially secure enough to start buying the type of jewelry I wanted (first we had paid off his student loans, paid down our mortgage, saved for retirement, etc etc). It also took that long for my husband to understand that having a small, high quality jewelry collection meant to me. And the 15 year upgrade only happened because I led the way and made it happen. He is not a gift giver, so to this day, I buy my own jewelry, though now at least it's with his support and encouragement (and that means the world to me).
So, I really think only you can figure out if you love your ring and it's the forever one or not. And life is long (hopefully) and our tastes change and evolve.
Good luck and enjoy your ring -- whether or not it's the forever one there's still a lot of pleasure you can get from it. Take it on a date like someone suggested earlier and see it in different lighting. Take pics of it with different outfits. Enjoy it. If down the road when circumstances allow, you decide you want a different one, that's OKAY!
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