How do you have a joint account when one person makes more?

[tberube]

It''s really interesting to hear all these different views on this topic. It sounds to me like it''s a lot more about personality than about how much money is brought into the household and by whom. FI and I are both independent people who don''t feel the need to share information about our personal expenses, nor do we ask many questions about the other''s personal expenses. Of course, we make up for each other when it is necessary - i.e. I pay for dinner out, he buys our new couch, I get the groceries since I''m out...etc. We''re finding it works best that way. It''s really quite similar to how we divide house chores...we don''t necessarily "split them up" or "clean together" so much as whomever notices the chore needs to be done right at the moment, will do it. FI always picks up my shoes or my water glasses, and I''m the only one who ever washes the floors.

We never argue about it...it comes natural to us to be interdependently independent. Perhaps that''s just the way our money will have to work too!

 

[AGBF]

Has any woman here not worked? I quit my job in 1992, the year our daughter was born, by mutual agreement. I expected that all the money my husband earned would be available to me for family expenses, and it was. That didn't mean I could buy a car without consulting with my husband, but it did mean I could buy baby clothes!

Deborah

 

[vslover]

Date: 2/29/2008 6:39:06 AM
Author: AGBF




Has any woman here not worked? I quit my job in 1992, the year our daughter was born, by mutual agreement. I expected that all the money my husband earned would be available to me for family expenses, and it was. That didn''t mean I could buy a car without consulting with my husband, but it did mean I could buy baby clothes!


Deborah

I don''t work and haven''t since before DH and I got married...maybe that''s why I just don''t really understand the separate accounts thing.

 

[tberube]

Date: 2/29/2008 8:14:40 AM
Author: vslover

Date: 2/29/2008 6:39:06 AM

Author: AGBF





Has any woman here not worked? I quit my job in 1992, the year our daughter was born, by mutual agreement. I expected that all the money my husband earned would be available to me for family expenses, and it was. That didn''t mean I could buy a car without consulting with my husband, but it did mean I could buy baby clothes!



Deborah

I don''t work and haven''t since before DH and I got married...maybe that''s why I just don''t really understand the separate accounts thing.

gosh...that would be awesome...I''m jealous.

 

[sumbride]

I''m "not allowed" to not work, but not because of money. I had two weeks off between jobs a few years ago and I drove my DH nuts... we didn''t even live together at the time! I manufactured all sorts of problems that needed to be fixed, I got depressed, I couldn''t handle it... and it was only for two weeks! And I KNEW I had a job lined up... I just thought I needed a little time off between them... I was wrong. He told me then "if you''re like this with only two weeks off, you can''t ever be a homemaker." He was right, I couldn''t do it. I need a routine and don''t have the discipline to create one for myself.

 

[doctork]

I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.

If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

 

[LitigatorChick]

In my opinion, the issue is not who makes more. The issue between spouses is usually who spends more. And that is where separate accounts, really an enforced budget on personal spending, can come in handy. Just another thought.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:19:46 AM
Author: doctork
I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.

If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

My DH and I have separate accounts but we still consider the money to be "our money". Like therube said...sometimes my DH buys the groceries, sometimes I do.... there''s no rhyme or reason to it. There''s no "oh, well I paid for this last time, so YOU pay for it this time". We just buy what needs to be bought, and if one us can''t, we just say so, "Hon, could you pick up a blender for me at the store? I''m don''t have any cash on me right now.". - something like that.

I don''t think there''s needs to be arguing over who pays for what, necessarily. That just leads to a lot of hair-splitting, IMO. If you consider you and your SO''s money to be OUR money - instead of MINE and YOURS then you dont'' really need to be particular about who pays what.

 

[doctork]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:32:19 AM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/29/2008 10:19:46 AM

Author: doctork

I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.


If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

My DH and I have separate accounts but we still consider the money to be ''our money''. Like therube said...sometimes my DH buys the groceries, sometimes I do.... there''s no rhyme or reason to it. There''s no ''oh, well I paid for this last time, so YOU pay for it this time''. We just buy what needs to be bought, and if one us can''t, we just say so, ''Hon, could you pick up a blender for me at the store? I''m don''t have any cash on me right now.''. - something like that.


I don''t think there''s needs to be arguing over who pays for what, necessarily. That just leads to a lot of hair-splitting, IMO. If you consider you and your SO''s money to be OUR money - instead of MINE and YOURS then you dont'' really need to be particular about who pays what.

If there is no fighting about what money is my money and what money is your money, or what you should buy and what he should buy, then why have seperate accounts? I guess you could argue that if your SO has spending issues then it''ll only affect his money not yours. What happens when kids, retirement, etc are on the table? Spending problems need to be sorted out before they start affecting other people.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:42:32 AM
Author: doctork

Date: 2/29/2008 10:32:19 AM

Author: Sha

Date: 2/29/2008 10:19:46 AM


Author: doctork


I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.



If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

My DH and I have separate accounts but we still consider the money to be ''our money''. Like therube said...sometimes my DH buys the groceries, sometimes I do.... there''s no rhyme or reason to it. There''s no ''oh, well I paid for this last time, so YOU pay for it this time''. We just buy what needs to be bought, and if one us can''t, we just say so, ''Hon, could you pick up a blender for me at the store? I''m don''t have any cash on me right now.''. - something like that.



I don''t think there''s needs to be arguing over who pays for what, necessarily. That just leads to a lot of hair-splitting, IMO. If you consider you and your SO''s money to be OUR money - instead of MINE and YOURS then you dont'' really need to be particular about who pays what.

If there is no fighting about what money is my money and what money is your money, or what you should buy and what he should buy, then why have seperate accounts? I guess you could argue that if your SO has spending issues then it''ll only affect his money not yours. What happens when kids, retirement, etc are on the table? Spending problems need to be sorted out before they start affecting other people.

Well, we still have separate accounts because we haven''t gotten around to setting up the joint account as yet. I was also thinking over the weekend too that it might be better if we keep separate accounts for now, so as to better keep track of our individual expenses - which I believe, would be easier than tracking expenses in a joint account - where both partners doing transactions all the time. Money is tight right now so keeping track of what we spend is absolutely crucial right now. But we probably won''t do it this way for long. We have to discuss it and see what we''ll do.

 

[tberube]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:21:16 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
In my opinion, the issue is not who makes more. The issue between spouses is usually who spends more. And that is where separate accounts, really an enforced budget on personal spending, can come in handy. Just another thought.

That''s an excellent point, LitChick. I make about 30% more than FI but the other day we sat down to do our budget...and found out that my monthly bills are about 30% higher than his, leaving both of us with roughly the same amount of leftover money each month. It was an eye-opener!

 

[Allison D.]

I think it really is an individual thing....the best formula for any couple is whichever one both feel comfortable with.

In my own case, both Rich and I were used to making our own money and paying our own bills. We each felt strongly that continuing to maintain personal accounts for discretionary spending was a smart idea. There are 3 checking accounts (his, mine, ours) and 3 savings accounts (his, mine, ours). They are all linked together, and we each added the other''s name to personal ckg/savings so they are lawfully considered joint assets. When I log in online, I see all six accounts; he sees the same when he logs in.

My check goes into my checking account; his goes into his. As needed, we transfer equal amounts into the joint checking to fund incidental household expenses such as groceries, etc. Because our accounts are linked, either of us can move money around, but I''m usually the one that does the bookkeeping. When it''s time to pay bills, I figure out what we need and I tell him "hey, I need to transfer $x amount for bills" and I get it from his account. We also agree on what to put into joint savings.

Beyond that, my remaining $$ is in my account and his in his. From there, we each move money into the personal savings accounts as desired. We each fund retirement accounts as well at roughly the same pace. If we decide to fund vacations or household projects/improvements, we each allot for those into the joint accounts as well.

Despite keeping money in separate ''buckets'' this way, we really do consider all our assets "common" assets....what''s mine is his, and what''s his is mine. This methodology just preserves the comfort level for each of us to feel as though we can make discretionary purchases without trauma. I don''t need to justify why I want that diamond bangle or yet another pair of shoes; he doesn''t have to justify why he wants to go buy an Xbox.

I''m sure it would seem complicated to some, but in practice, it''s really quite simple and works well for us. If our circumstances changed (one ended up out of work, etc), we''d of course figure out what would work best then if changes were needed.

 

[librarychickie]

I''ve been following this thread for a few days, trying to mull over my answer.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He makes 2X my salary. We have joint everything. It''s not "his" or "my" money. It''s *OUR* money.

We view our marriage as a partnership. Two became one, and what is mine is his and vice versa.



Isn''t marriage about trust? Trusting each other to do what you''re supposed to do? Isn''t that one of the core foundations in marriage?


We share everything. This month, he might get something new, and next month, I do.

Maybe I just have an old fashioned point of view.

 

[cutes814]

we have 8 accts. hehehe, i know a lot! his, mine, and joint checking. joint savings, emergency savings, his savings, my own savings, and alyssa''s (our little 4 yr old) savings. it''s all online, so it''s easy to keep track of it.

our paychecks go into our own checking accounts, and since i make more, i pay more in bills.

i like having my own checking and savings account, so he doesn''t freak out when i get home from my facial/pedi and be like, "what??? you spent $70 just to get your face cleaned and nails painted??" hehehe. yes honey, and $70 is cheap for the both combined!

just go with whatever you''re comfortable with.

 

[partgypsy]

I think the rule is whatever works.

When my husband (to be) and I relocated to another state and started living together, we started a joint checking savings account (before that my husband would just keep his money in a change jar!). Maybe it worked because we were relatively young and not set in our ways, plus we had so little money we needed it to pool all of it to make it work.
Ironically like Metro I was also told by friends not to do this, but unlike some people we know don''t really have fights about money. We also have a rule that we mention to the other if planning to spend anything again, over say 50-100 and discuss it.
I am more money savvy than my husband. A year 1/2 ago when my husband got a small inheritance (ok big to us) I told him, well if you want to keep sole ownership of that money you should put it in a separate account. He chose to put in in the joint because really at this point the money, as well as our goals and plans with it are all shared.

 

[tberube]

Funny thing - I went to the bank the other day to open an additional (private) checking account, and the bank guy, whom I have never met before, said "yeah...that''s the way you have got to do it. The shared account is best as just a household account." He went on to say he''d lost count of how many times a week a couple will come into the bank arguing about their joint account. I thought that was interesting.

 

[tberube]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:19:46 AM
Author: doctork
I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.


If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

That''s an interesting point of view, doctork, and one that I haven''t heard in quite some time. I think that I would feel badly if my husband or S.O. asked me not to work. To me, that would be a point of contention in our relationship. Not to mention that if I didn''t work, we wouldn''t have enough income to do any of the things we want to do in life.

My FI and I are both very independent people who prefer to share our lives with one another rather than combine them into one. I recognize that this doesn''t work for everybody, but I cannot agree that what money I make or he makes "should" be for both of us. Certainly, if you''re lucky enough that a single income is enough for both people, then a single account is the only possible answer. But in most cases, I think that just as many problems, if not more, can arise from shared accounts as from separate accounts. I mean, if everything is paid for 50/50, then where is the argument?

 

[vslover]

Date: 3/3/2008 3:27:01 PM
Author: tberube
Funny thing - I went to the bank the other day to open an additional (private) checking account, and the bank guy, whom I have never met before, said ''yeah...that''s the way you have got to do it. The shared account is best as just a household account.'' He went on to say he''d lost count of how many times a week a couple will come into the bank arguing about their joint account. I thought that was interesting.

We never fight about money...really never have. I think it''s more about being on the same page financially than it is what kind of accounts you have.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/3/2008 3:34:50 PM
Author: tberube

I mean, if everything is paid for 50/50, then where is the argument?

Then there are questions as to whether or not it's fair for each to contribute 50% since one makes more, and/or who has the right to choose how much money is spent on an item given the discrepancy of earnings.

Say you make $160,000/year and your hubby makes $60,000. His budget for rent, furnishings, grocery quality, etc. will be based on his own earnings, as will yours.

Hubby might want to only spend $600 on a new couch, because that's what makes sense for his income level. But what makes sense for YOUR income level might be more in the $2000 range for a new couch. So, do you go with the cheaper couch because that's what you can both afford to contribute equally to? That locks you in to living at the $120,000 joint income level as opposed to the $220,000 joint income level. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but it's somewhat unfair to you because you're making enough to live "better." So, what if you feel that since you make enough, you're entitled to have the nicer couch? Then that's not fair to him, because it's really not what he'd otherwise want to budget for such a purchase.

Just playing devil's advocate. There will always be the potential for problems, no matter what your arrangement is. That's why, as everyone KEEPS saying, you just have to strike the balance that both of you are comfortable with.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/3/2008 3:43:50 PM
Author: vslover

Date: 3/3/2008 3:27:01 PM
Author: tberube

Funny thing - I went to the bank the other day to open an additional (private) checking account, and the bank guy, whom I have never met before, said ''yeah...that''s the way you have got to do it. The shared account is best as just a household account.'' He went on to say he''d lost count of how many times a week a couple will come into the bank arguing about their joint account. I thought that was interesting.

We never fight about money...really never have. I think it''s more about being on the same page financially than it is what kind of accounts you have.

Ditto, though we''ve had less time to fight about that stuff (we''ve only been living together for 22 months). The closest we''ve come to fighting is him offering to pay for something himself and me saying "but I feel bad..."

 

[Haven]

All of these different setups have me wondering what is going to work for us when we get married in four months. As I said earlier, we already have a bit of a meshing of our money, a what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine thing, so it will be very interesting to see what happens. I think we're going to keep our separate checking accounts for a while and merge our savings accounts, as I think it will be easier to merge the checking once we have our budget down and everything sorted out and regular.

Thanks again to everyone for sharing, this has been a great thread to read!

ETA: I did mean to add that I do think it will feel a bit strange for me to have access to "FI's money" because he makes so much more than I do. I imagine that even though we love and trust each other and we already share so much, it will just feel odd to have that much more in the account all of a sudden. Did anyone feel guilty or strange having access to their spouse's account if they earned far more than you?

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 3/3/2008 7:43:02 PM
Author: Haven
All of these different setups have me wondering what is going to work for us when we get married in four months. As I said earlier, we already have a bit of a meshing of our money, a what''s mine is yours and what''s yours is mine thing, so it will be very interesting to see what happens. I think we''re going to keep our separate checking accounts for a while and merge our savings accounts, as I think it will be easier to merge the checking once we have our budget down and everything sorted out and regular.

Thanks again to everyone for sharing, this has been a great thread to read!

ETA: I did mean to add that I do think it will feel a bit strange for me to have access to ''FI''s money'' because he makes so much more than I do. I imagine that even though we love and trust each other and we already share so much, it will just feel odd to have that much more in the account all of a sudden. Did anyone feel guilty or strange having access to their spouse''s account if they earned far more than you?

No. My husband does make waaaay more than me. I can still afford to pay my half of the bills though and I do. While we do have our own accounts and then a shared one for the bills, we''re still on eacothers accounts. So, if i was low one month (which has happened), I will transfer money from his account to our shared as i have access.
We''ve been together for long enough that regardless of what''s in who''s account, at the end of the day, it''s still "OUR money".

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 2/29/2008 10:19:46 AM
Author: doctork
I one of the people that doesn''t understand the two separate accounts thing. My girlfriend doesn''t work, and I really enjoy having her not work. I work from home, so having her around for things really makes my life easier.

If she did work, and had her own account I would imagine it would cause a lot of problems arguing who pays for what. I think if two people truly love each other it shouldn''t matter whose money is whose money. It should be money for both of you.

Just the way you don''t understand seperate accounts, I don''t understand how your girlfriend (not yet wife) doesn''t work.
I''d be very uncomfortable with that sort of arrangement.

(I don''t mean to sound argumentative my point is just that different things work for different people).

 

[pennquaker09]

When we moved to Philadelphia we decided to open joint accounts. At the time, we both were working, but Nate made about 2x more than me. It''s never been an issue because I cook his food and make sure he has clean clothes. Seriously, we both have our roles and his just happens to be bread winner. Unless there is an act of God, I doubt I''ll eve make 200K a year teaching high school chemistry.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/3/2008 11:10:09 PM
Author: pennquaker09
When we moved to Philadelphia we decided to open joint accounts. At the time, we both were working, but Nate made about 2x more than me. It''s never been an issue because I cook his food and make sure he has clean clothes. Seriously, we both have our roles and his just happens to be bread winner. Unless there is an act of God, I doubt I''ll eve make 200K a year teaching high school chemistry.

We''re in the same exact boat, penn.

And I just wanted to say that the chem teachers are the coolest; I''m always jealous of that crazy science department when I see how much fun they have over there in their separate wing with their labs and potions!

 

[Dreamer_D]

This is an interesting thread! People don't talk about money enough. Since it is the number on cause of divorce, talking about it is a good thing!

When DH and I got married we opened a joint checking account and a joint savings account and all our money goes into that account. Each of us also has a private checking account, and each month our budgeted personal/mad money gets transferred into our private checking. That way we know exactly how much money we have as spending money each month (whatever is in our private acocunt!) and we can both spend that money however we like without having to ask the other person. Of course, that personal money only pays for things like clothing, coffee at work, "guys weekends", getting our hair cut etc. Any bigger items that the two of us would share (a TV, a vacation) still come out of the joint account. We also have aspreadsheet with a very detailed budget so that we know exactly how much money we need in the joint account each month, how much we can put into savings, and how much is left for our mad money each month.

I do have friends who maintain totally seperate accounts and pay for things "50/50", and I see that some of the posters here have that type of relationship too, but I have to admit it confuses me a little. As does thinking about who earns more in the relationship. I kinda see marriage as a 100% partnership and everything goes into the communal pot. Back in the day, when men always earned more than their spouses, women's money was sometimes labelled the "mad money" as if her contribution didn't matter and was a trivial contribution to the household, and that type of demarkation of who contributed what gets my goat. I earn a little more than my DH, but he is still out of the house 40hrs a week slaving at his office working just as hard or harder than me. When I get a job as a prof in the next year or so (knock wood) I will earn much more than him, at least for the next 5 - 8 years. But he will still be working much harder than I work, and I could not have achieved my academic success without his supprt and he wouldn't have his current job without my supprt. We are a team working towards the common goal of having a nice happy and financially secure life together, and that means our money is pooled.

On the other hand, I also have friends with totally joint accounts and I have seen that lead to situations where the cheaper spouse really controls what the other one is spending, even when said spending is totally within their financial means and reasonable. I would go mental if my DH was trying to control every penny I spent so I am glad we each have a little money that is totally independent of the others control.


DD

 

[tberube]

Date: 3/3/2008 3:45:51 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/3/2008 3:34:50 PM

Author: tberube


I mean, if everything is paid for 50/50, then where is the argument?

Then there are questions as to whether or not it''s fair for each to contribute 50% since one makes more, and/or who has the right to choose how much money is spent on an item given the discrepancy of earnings.


Say you make $160,000/year and your hubby makes $60,000. His budget for rent, furnishings, grocery quality, etc. will be based on his own earnings, as will yours.


Hubby might want to only spend $600 on a new couch, because that''s what makes sense for his income level. But what makes sense for YOUR income level might be more in the $2000 range for a new couch. So, do you go with the cheaper couch because that''s what you can both afford to contribute equally to? That locks you in to living at the $120,000 joint income level as opposed to the $220,000 joint income level. Not that that''s necessarily a bad thing, but it''s somewhat unfair to you because you''re making enough to live ''better.'' So, what if you feel that since you make enough, you''re entitled to have the nicer couch? Then that''s not fair to him, because it''s really not what he''d otherwise want to budget for such a purchase.


Just playing devil''s advocate. There will always be the potential for problems, no matter what your arrangement is. That''s why, as everyone KEEPS saying, you just have to strike the balance that both of you are comfortable with.

That''s a great point, musey, and completely right. FI and I have come into those situations - a lot of them, recently, since buying our house and wanting furniture to go in it. We''ve been lucky that we always find a good solution that suits both of us, and sometimes the answer is that one person pays more than the other. We''re happy to help each other out, put more in here and there, where it''s needed. In fact, FI transfered $50 in my account today to help me out with my week because of a surprise bill I didn''t know I would need to pay.

So you''re totally right. It really just comes down to what you''re comfortable with. I guess relationships are as unique as fingerprints.

 

[tberube]

Date: 2/29/2008 9:58:22 PM
Author: Allison D.
I think it really is an individual thing....the best formula for any couple is whichever one both feel comfortable with.

In my own case, both Rich and I were used to making our own money and paying our own bills. We each felt strongly that continuing to maintain personal accounts for discretionary spending was a smart idea. There are 3 checking accounts (his, mine, ours) and 3 savings accounts (his, mine, ours). They are all linked together, and we each added the other''s name to personal ckg/savings so they are lawfully considered joint assets. When I log in online, I see all six accounts; he sees the same when he logs in.


My check goes into my checking account; his goes into his. As needed, we transfer equal amounts into the joint checking to fund incidental household expenses such as groceries, etc. Because our accounts are linked, either of us can move money around, but I''m usually the one that does the bookkeeping. When it''s time to pay bills, I figure out what we need and I tell him ''hey, I need to transfer $x amount for bills'' and I get it from his account. We also agree on what to put into joint savings.


Beyond that, my remaining $$ is in my account and his in his. From there, we each move money into the personal savings accounts as desired. We each fund retirement accounts as well at roughly the same pace. If we decide to fund vacations or household projects/improvements, we each allot for those into the joint accounts as well.


Despite keeping money in separate ''buckets'' this way, we really do consider all our assets ''common'' assets....what''s mine is his, and what''s his is mine. This methodology just preserves the comfort level for each of us to feel as though we can make discretionary purchases without trauma. I don''t need to justify why I want that diamond bangle or yet another pair of shoes; he doesn''t have to justify why he wants to go buy an Xbox.


I''m sure it would seem complicated to some, but in practice, it''s really quite simple and works well for us. If our circumstances changed (one ended up out of work, etc), we''d of course figure out what would work best then if changes were needed.

Alison - I always KNEW you and I shared a mind...that''s exactly how FI and I intend to handle our money, too. Very well put!

 

[Independent Gal]

I will always maintain my own assets, accounts, and resources, as well as our shared ones. Being independent within my marriage is very important to me, and I never want to risk having to be totally dependent on someone else, even my husband.

That''s just me, though.

I''m keeping my name too. That kind of thing.

And like changing a name, it''s a totally personal decision. Each to her own!

DoctorK it''s not hard to deal with joint expenses at all. We pool money for those, and then what''s left is ours to spend or save as we see fit. No problem. No hassles. It really works just fine. By the way, does your fiancee go to college? I mean, in case she ever decides that she wants to work?

 

[deorwine]

Very interesting thread! It's neat that there are so many different solutions that work for different people.

When DH and I got married, I was set on having a joint account, because I thought that the only people who didn't were losers who didn't trust their spouses. When I raised this with DH, he said, "Why have a joint account? I trust you to spend money wisely." ...and I did a complete double-take.

So now we have his account and my account (which is nominally a joint account, as both our names are on it-- this completely wigs out my mom, who seems to be afraid he'll abscond with all the money!). He pays rent, because if I did it I'd forget, and groceries and his "fun" expenses, and I have all the other bills, mostly because I have set them up online, and my "fun" expenses. Rent and food are our two biggest expenses, so my account is primarily the one our down-payment-savings comes out of. (And then we check together every several months or so to make sure neither of us is abusing our accounts! And of course any large purchase we both have to okay.)

And it doesn't matter at all that he makes about as much as I do, or that he pays the bulk of the bills and I pay less than half of what he does-- it doesn't even enter into it. Because, as everyone else has remarked, it's OUR money. I hadn't even thought about how much "fun" money we have comparatively, although once you subtract the savings from my account it comes out about even.

ETA: DH and I are both very disciplined about spending, though. I can see this solution not working for a couple who wasn't very careful about wanting to save money (especially if only one of the couple wanted to save the money!)