How much pre-engaged planning do you do?

[pandabee]

Hi Ms. Lovely!

Pinterest has secret boards...


No one can see your Pins... check it out!

I might have a secret board or two...

Ooh! I didn't know about that! It'd be much easier to use pinterest

It doesn't sound like you need pinterest anyway...all you need is the ring!!

 

[aviastar]

Chewbacca,
I LOVE that set up as well! SO doesn't want to take up 2 weekends for everyone... Puh-leaze... they dont have to come if its an inconvenience.

I think it will just add $1000 to the budget. Not too much.

I guess this IS his wedding too... lol.

Hehehe! Yes, I am an enabler! I think you will be really glad you are doing some research now.

Just sneaking in to say I did this and ITS SO WORTH IT! We did wedding/dinner at my parents home for 30 (including us) in May and then BBQ at the local community center (it's a 200 year old stone building, so community center doesn't really do it justice, but the space and price were awesome!) for 200 in September.

We sent invites to everyone at the same time, even though it was way early for a Sept. invite, so family and friends wouldn't feel snubbed. We got the wedding we wanted- small and intimate, no one was left out or snubbed, and we had way more time to socialize with everyone at both events. The 30 people who attended the wedding were the only ones invited to both and the local ones came twice, but no one traveled for both, which was totally fine.

DO IT!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Chewbacca,
I LOVE that set up as well! SO doesn't want to take up 2 weekends for everyone... Puh-leaze... they dont have to come if its an inconvenience.

I think it will just add $1000 to the budget. Not too much.

I guess this IS his wedding too... lol.

Hehehe! Yes, I am an enabler! I think you will be really glad you are doing some research now.

Just sneaking in to say I did this and ITS SO WORTH IT! We did wedding/dinner at my parents home for 30 (including us) in May and then BBQ at the local community center (it's a 200 year old stone building, so community center doesn't really do it justice, but the space and price were awesome!) for 200 in September.

We sent invites to everyone at the same time, even though it was way early for a Sept. invite, so family and friends wouldn't feel snubbed. We got the wedding we wanted- small and intimate, no one was left out or snubbed, and we had way more time to socialize with everyone at both events. The 30 people who attended the wedding were the only ones invited to both and the local ones came twice, but no one traveled for both, which was totally fine.

DO IT!

I want to so bad! lol.

I have been trying ot think of how the invites would work...

Can you give me an idea of how you worded the invites for those you were only inviting to the BBQ part?

I am struggling with that part and SO really wants to make sure no one feels snubbed.

Thank you!!!

 

[aviastar]

Sure! First we prepped our immediate families by announcing that if anyone had a problem with the way we wanted to do this, we would simply elope. And we meant it. So we got no flack from anybody

Then we decided to really be fair, that we did have to draw the line for the small event at immediate family only + bridal party. So we had parents, siblings, grandparents, and bridal party and everyone brought their significant other and kids. It didn't feel right to invite friends and not aunts, even if we are closer to the friends than the aunts. We chose our bridal party very carefully so that the friends we would truly miss on that day all got to come. Since that only added up to 30 people, we let them all know about the plans to split up the events so they would know that not everyone they expected would be invited to the ceremony; prevented some awkward stepping on toes when invites were sent.

We sent all our invites at the same time, 12 weeks ahead of the ceremony and like 5 months ahead of the reception, but we didn't want anyone to think we hadn't thought of them. The people invited to both got two invites.

Since we were not, in fact, married when the invites went out I worded it like this:




If we had decided to sent out the invites after we were married (I have a friend who eloped and then had her shindig about four months later who did this) I would have just changed the tense- We got hitched! or We tied the knot! I saw the 'private ceremony' phrasing used in examples and didn't like it because it sounded snub like, so we just didn't mention what they weren't invited to and focused on what they were invited to!

Hope that helps!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Sure! First we prepped our immediate families by announcing that if anyone had a problem with the way we wanted to do this, we would simply elope. And we meant it. So we got no flack from anybody

Then we decided to really be fair, that we did have to draw the line for the small event at immediate family only + bridal party. So we had parents, siblings, grandparents, and bridal party and everyone brought their significant other and kids. It didn't feel right to invite friends and not aunts, even if we are closer to the friends than the aunts. We chose our bridal party very carefully so that the friends we would truly miss on that day all got to come. Since that only added up to 30 people, we let them all know about the plans to split up the events so they would know that not everyone they expected would be invited to the ceremony; prevented some awkward stepping on toes when invites were sent.

We sent all our invites at the same time, 12 weeks ahead of the ceremony and like 5 months ahead of the reception, but we didn't want anyone to think we hadn't thought of them. The people invited to both got two invites.

Since we were not, in fact, married when the invites went out I worded it like this:




If we had decided to sent out the invites after we were married (I have a friend who eloped and then had her shindig about four months later who did this) I would have just changed the tense- We got hitched! or We tied the knot! I saw the 'private ceremony' phrasing used in examples and didn't like it because it sounded snub like, so we just didn't mention what they weren't invited to and focused on what they were invited to!

Hope that helps!

That helps a lot!! I love that you threatened to elope. I am going to need to try that.

I think its a good idea to send invites to everyone at the same time, way ahead of time.

I appreciate all your advice and help. Hopefully I can start officially planning this thing within the next 6 months.

Did you wear your wedding dress to the BBQ?

 

[aviastar]

No, I didn't. I found a lovely white top from Anthropology and I wore it with nice jeans and high heels. Our ceremony was out in the woods, I didn't wear shoes- it was very whimsical and I wanted a bit of that feel to the BBQ, too. So my florist made me a full flower crown to wear for the day also. DH wore a white button down with jeans and a bout.

Ours was pretty casual, I meant it that jeans were encouraged. I did Pick Your Own flowers for the tables, we had some cakes, but not a 'wedding cake', and we didn't do any of the reception traditions- no first dance or bouquet toss. Just a good party, good food, good bar. Anything that had any emotional importance to us we did with our families in May.

 

[lin_ny]

No, I didn't. I found a lovely white top from Anthropology and I wore it with nice jeans and high heels. Our ceremony was out in the woods, I didn't wear shoes- it was very whimsical and I wanted a bit of that feel to the BBQ, too. So my florist made me a full flower crown to wear for the day also. DH wore a white button down with jeans and a bout.

Ours was pretty casual, I meant it that jeans were encouraged. I did Pick Your Own flowers for the tables, we had some cakes, but not a 'wedding cake', and we didn't do any of the reception traditions- no first dance or bouquet toss. Just a good party, good food, good bar. Anything that had any emotional importance to us we did with our families in May.

Love how you did things! I'm not engaged yet but already having a hard time deciding exactly what we'll do for our wedding.

It's very, very tempting to do a very small ceremony and do a party later. Or even do the ceremony/reception on the same day but still do it quite small. I have some seriously crazy family members... I'm worried about inviting them.

 

[antiquesparkler]

No, I didn't. I found a lovely white top from Anthropology and I wore it with nice jeans and high heels. Our ceremony was out in the woods, I didn't wear shoes- it was very whimsical and I wanted a bit of that feel to the BBQ, too. So my florist made me a full flower crown to wear for the day also. DH wore a white button down with jeans and a bout.

Ours was pretty casual, I meant it that jeans were encouraged. I did Pick Your Own flowers for the tables, we had some cakes, but not a 'wedding cake', and we didn't do any of the reception traditions- no first dance or bouquet toss. Just a good party, good food, good bar. Anything that had any emotional importance to us we did with our families in May.

This is one of the neatest ideas. Love the whimsical wedding in the woods. I am going for simple elegance by the lake. Lol. Good friends, good food, good bar… that is exactly what I would like for our reception.
Thank you for allowing me to pick your brain! Your wedding and BBQ sound amazing.

 

[aviastar]

Thank you both, ladies! It was perfect for us!

I didn't really mean to derail the thread, though, so I'll answer the original question and get things back on track! I didn't do much; I had one or two venues in mind that I wanted to check out more closely and we had talked about wanting to go small and that's about it. I planned the whole thing in 5 months, but we didn't have a lot of booking to content with; venue was at home, photography was a gift from a bestie who is a photographer, florist is a good friend who actually squeezed me in cause it was fairly small request, cake was made by my sister, caterer is a local part timer who only books by word of mouth, I DIY'd invites. The biggest rush in 5 months was the dress, which I had custom made, but it worked!

 

[CaprineSun]

So..... I'm finding myself officially in full planning mode Can no longer be in denial. lol

I guess, forget waiting for him to give me the ring.
Dream venue found & about to make a deposit to secure it. Just need to figure out the date that would be best! ugh.
Photographer found and soft hold on the date.
Videographer found & in the works in signing a contract.
Makeup artists contacted.
Hair stylist also found.

I feel like the whole wedding will be planned and set in motion before he even proposes!... at the rate he's going! Well, not gonna let that stop me anymore. LOL.

Now, the only problem is keeping this pre-engagement planning a secret (from friends & family) until he puts the ring on it. lol.

P.S. I am sooo happy to have found my dream venue & vendors!

 

[waxing lyrical]

Like Caprine, I'm in the unofficial planning mode. I have a list of venues, two we're serious about, a couple photographers, my dress, shoes and accessories.

He'll be proposing by this fall. The date is set for next summer (June 21st right now), but it's somewhat flexible.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

So..... I'm finding myself officially in full planning mode Can no longer be in denial. lol

I guess, forget waiting for him to give me the ring.
Dream venue found & about to make a deposit to secure it. Just need to figure out the date that would be best! ugh.
Photographer found and soft hold on the date.
Videographer found & in the works in signing a contract.
Makeup artists contacted.
Hair stylist also found.

I feel like the whole wedding will be planned and set in motion before he even proposes!... at the rate he's going! Well, not gonna let that stop me anymore. LOL.

Now, the only problem is keeping this pre-engagement planning a secret (from friends & family) until he puts the ring on it. lol.

P.S. I am sooo happy to have found my dream venue & vendors!

Well at least you HAVE a ring so you know that it's coming haha...

I have started doing the same things. I found out in February that my almost 8 year old lab has osteosarcoma and has roughly a few months to live I've been a mess, so i have started to try to do other things so im not crying 24/7.

I emailed the wedding planners about how soon in advance i would need to secure a date. (we are looking at Nov 2014 haha). I went through the website and chose the location, our song, the package we want. I have discussed with my parents (we are only having close family attend...i'd prefer to elope tbh but my parents would be heartbroken). We have a rough idea on honeymoon too...LOL Oy vey. If i dont have the ring by summer i will be , but i will be putting a deposit on a date. If anyone is bored...this is the company i am using We are planning on sunset beach on treasure island.

http://tidetheknotbeachweddings.com

 

[CaprineSun]

Well at least you HAVE a ring so you know that it's coming haha...

I have started doing the same things. I found out in February that my almost 8 year old lab has osteosarcoma and has roughly a few months to live I've been a mess, so i have started to try to do other things so im not crying 24/7.

I emailed the wedding planners about how soon in advance i would need to secure a date. (we are looking at Nov 2014 haha). I went through the website and chose the location, our song, the package we want. I have discussed with my parents (we are only having close family attend...i'd prefer to elope tbh but my parents would be heartbroken). We have a rough idea on honeymoon too...LOL Oy vey. If i dont have the ring by summer i will be , but i will be putting a deposit on a date. If anyone is bored...this is the company i am using We are planning on sunset beach on treasure island.

http://tidetheknotbeachweddings.com

I guess now that you say that, i don't feel as crazy anymore planning a wedding before being 'officially' engaged. I do have a ring. lol

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog!! ((hugs)) One of my worries is my grandfather passing before I'm married. I think that's driving me to plan and stop waiting, too. I, too, have contemplated eloping. *sigh*

Your wedding on treasure island sounds wonderful!

 

[madelise]

Wow.. you ladies are very proactive!

I'm scared to plan that intensively, and end up having the "date" or internal date slip me by… I've been heart broken over not having a wedding happen, and I won't let myself plan for a non-existent wedding until I have a ring on my finger, and a date agreed upon by our families.

 

[Chewbacca]

I've also just decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. I'm still in the research phase, and hopefully here I shall remain until its ACTUALLY go time. I'm mostly just focusing on details - photos, outfits, decor. I find the where part the most intimidating! Plus its the bit where you have to actually KNOW the when part.

I'm just trying to avoid what the nightmare I am currently living - endless arts and crafts with two weeks to go. SO 'suggested' to me last night that I might have to let go of creative control for our own wedding! WE SHALL SEE.

 

[pandabee]

Caprine and LLC love all your plans!!! I am trying to cool it on the pinterest searching for ideas..more and more SO says he would prefer to not have a wedding at all (I would only want a small one, and not in a church) and do the courthouse, OR he would be on board with eloping. Soooo maybe we could do a small DW?? Not sure. I just know that I want to wear a pretty white dress and have my closest friends/family there!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Caprine and LLC love all your plans!!! I am trying to cool it on the pinterest searching for ideas..more and more SO says he would prefer to not have a wedding at all (I would only want a small one, and not in a church) and do the courthouse, OR he would be on board with eloping. Soooo maybe we could do a small DW?? Not sure. I just know that I want to wear a pretty white dress and have my closest friends/family there![/quote]

Exactly!!

LLC, Sorry to hear about your dog.

 

[Glitz]

I planned way to much, we even went so far as to put a deposit on a venue. I don't want to get into to many details but we ended up cancelling everything, its not a broken engagement if we were never engaged right!?!? We're still together, but taking things one day at a time. OH and now my best friend is getting married on that day and I'm the maid of honour... icing on the cake!

 

[bc25]

Hello LIW im new here and ever since i discovered Pintrest 2 weeks ago i have been doing nothing but planning my wedding.. i discovered this site and ive been HOOKED! What do you guys feel about a 2 years engagment? We cant get "my dream wedding" til he graduates,in 2 years and he thinks we should get engaged closer to that time but i want ring NOW i need opinions, been together 6 years

 

[princesss]

Hello LIW im new here and ever since i discovered Pintrest 2 weeks ago i have been doing nothing but planning my wedding.. i discovered this site and ive been HOOKED! What do you guys feel about a 2 years engagment? We cant get "my dream wedding" til he graduates,in 2 years and he thinks we should get engaged closer to that time but i want ring NOW i need opinions, been together 6 years

Personally, I'd wait until closer to the time you can get married. But that's because I don't see being engaged as anything but a necessary step towards marriage and not a stage of its own. I think it should last basically as long as it takes to plan a wedding. But to each their own.

I would also ask yourself if you want the ring or if you want the commitment. I know this is a jewelry site, but this focus on "I want the ring" or announcing engagements by only showing a picture of the ring rubs me the wrong way. It's about a commitment between two people.

Also, may I ask how old you are? 6 years at 21 is very different from 6 years at 31, KWIM?

Anyways, welcome, and best of luck!

 

[Chewbacca]

I've done a few over-the-line things since I last replied to this thread. At the moment I'm interested in invitations and wedding websites.

 

[princesss]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

 

[princesss]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

He wants: castle in the UK. (A castle! FOR REAL?!?!?! I have no words beyond, "No.")
I want: to elope/have a teeny, tiny destination wedding in Tanzania/South Africa ("But I want my close friends there! But for Brits, traveling an hour is like an overseas flight for Americans!")

He will probably win because his family has less disposable income to get to wherever we get married (I'd settle for Morocco/Tunisia! That's closer to the UK!), and because he's got connection and blah blah blah there. I'm honestly not kidding when I said that if we end up in a castle in the UK, he's planning it (and he knows it). I also told him he'll get me into one kicking and screaming. I'm mostly kidding about that.

In reality (after discussing this yesterday because it was honestly still making me angry), we'll figure something else out. But I definitely won't win.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

He wants: castle in the UK. (A castle! FOR REAL?!?!?! I have no words beyond, "No.")
I want: to elope/have a teeny, tiny destination wedding in Tanzania/South Africa ("But I want my close friends there! But for Brits, traveling an hour is like an overseas flight for Americans!")

He will probably win because his family has less disposable income to get to wherever we get married (I'd settle for Morocco/Tunisia! That's closer to the UK!), and because he's got connection and blah blah blah there. I'm honestly not kidding when I said that if we end up in a castle in the UK, he's planning it (and he knows it). I also told him he'll get me into one kicking and screaming. I'm mostly kidding about that.

In reality (after discussing this yesterday because it was honestly still making me angry), we'll figure something else out. But I definitely won't win.

Holy smokes, that is VERY different! Well, I do think a castle would be quite lovely, but if it isn't your thing then I sincerely hope you can come to some sort of compromise. Is there any other place you can think of that does require leaving the area?

 

[princesss]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

He wants: castle in the UK. (A castle! FOR REAL?!?!?! I have no words beyond, "No.")
I want: to elope/have a teeny, tiny destination wedding in Tanzania/South Africa ("But I want my close friends there! But for Brits, traveling an hour is like an overseas flight for Americans!")

He will probably win because his family has less disposable income to get to wherever we get married (I'd settle for Morocco/Tunisia! That's closer to the UK!), and because he's got connection and blah blah blah there. I'm honestly not kidding when I said that if we end up in a castle in the UK, he's planning it (and he knows it). I also told him he'll get me into one kicking and screaming. I'm mostly kidding about that.

In reality (after discussing this yesterday because it was honestly still making me angry), we'll figure something else out. But I definitely won't win.

Holy smokes, that is VERY different! Well, I do think a castle would be quite lovely, but if it isn't your thing then I sincerely hope you can come to some sort of compromise. Is there any other place you can think of that does require leaving the area?

I mean, it really depends on what his family can swing. He's an only child (read: I have sadly acknowledged that I will never get to elope because his mother is already kind of primed not to like me and that would be a bad way to start that relationship), and the economy has affected our families very differently, so whatever happens will include serious thought being given to what both families can comfortably afford. But there might well be a little bitterness on my end that his friends don't have to travel and mine will have to spend huge amounts of $$$ and time to come see us get married, so I'm going to argue (HARD) for keeping the guest list way down. I'm lucky that my closest friends have the means and desire to travel, so that's good.

But this is still who knows how far away (though I can say it's not 15 years away - when I'd had enough of the talk I said, "What are we even arguing about, this isn't going to happen for like, 15 years," and he said, "15 years?" and made a sad puppy face), so whatever.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

He wants: castle in the UK. (A castle! FOR REAL?!?!?! I have no words beyond, "No.")
I want: to elope/have a teeny, tiny destination wedding in Tanzania/South Africa ("But I want my close friends there! But for Brits, traveling an hour is like an overseas flight for Americans!")

He will probably win because his family has less disposable income to get to wherever we get married (I'd settle for Morocco/Tunisia! That's closer to the UK!), and because he's got connection and blah blah blah there. I'm honestly not kidding when I said that if we end up in a castle in the UK, he's planning it (and he knows it). I also told him he'll get me into one kicking and screaming. I'm mostly kidding about that.

In reality (after discussing this yesterday because it was honestly still making me angry), we'll figure something else out. But I definitely won't win.

Holy smokes, that is VERY different! Well, I do think a castle would be quite lovely, but if it isn't your thing then I sincerely hope you can come to some sort of compromise. Is there any other place you can think of that does require leaving the area?

I mean, it really depends on what his family can swing. He's an only child (read: I have sadly acknowledged that I will never get to elope because his mother is already kind of primed not to like me and that would be a bad way to start that relationship), and the economy has affected our families very differently, so whatever happens will include serious thought being given to what both families can comfortably afford. But there might well be a little bitterness on my end that his friends don't have to travel and mine will have to spend huge amounts of $$$ and time to come see us get married, so I'm going to argue (HARD) for keeping the guest list way down. I'm lucky that my closest friends have the means and desire to travel, so that's good.

But this is still who knows how far away (though I can say it's not 15 years away - when I'd had enough of the talk I said, "What are we even arguing about, this isn't going to happen for like, 15 years," and he said, "15 years?" and made a sad puppy face), so whatever.

Well the positive in all that is that you won't have to wait 15 years!

I totally understand where you're coming from with everything you posted! It makes total sense to feel a bit resentful that your half of family and friends would have to be out more money and inconvenience to travel farther for your wedding. I would definitely encourage you to talk about that and make sure you're good with everything, lest you hang on to that resentment. MIL acted really ridiculous the closer we got to our wedding and I am still harboring resentments towards her 6 months later. It really does stick. Ugh. I hope you can work something out that might be a little more 'fair' and so that you can both be really happy with everything!

 

[mandasand]

I know I'm late to the party...but I pretty much had the whole wedding planned before the engagement. Obviously, I did not book venue, photographer, etc. but I had it all figured out. Thank goodness for Pinterest so I can keep my ideas organized. The location was easy...my parents live next to a lake with a large park. It's free for members, just required a $100 deposit. We're having the whole event there. The only thing we needed to do was pick a date. The only date they had available was September 21st. So we took it. I already had a photographer, caterer and coordinator lined up. I have a florist and will be doing a lot of the flowers myself. My parents have lived in the community for over 30 years, so all our vendors are friends. We aren't having a large wedding, inviting 75 people.

One rule I had was to not put down deposits OR try on dresses. I stuck to that promoise! Now the wedding is in 5 months and it's not at all stressful because I already have it all figured out....we have been engaged for two weeks!!

 

[aviastar]

We might have had a mild disagreement (*cough*fight*cough*) about wedding locations this weekend. By which I mean, he has a very set idea of what he wants, I have a very set idea of what I want, but I'm fairly certain he's going to win and I was feeling bitter.

So I told him if that's what we do, he's planning it.

How different are the places? And why is he winning? Normally the bride wins lol

He wants: castle in the UK. (A castle! FOR REAL?!?!?! I have no words beyond, "No.")
I want: to elope/have a teeny, tiny destination wedding in Tanzania/South Africa ("But I want my close friends there! But for Brits, traveling an hour is like an overseas flight for Americans!")

He will probably win because his family has less disposable income to get to wherever we get married (I'd settle for Morocco/Tunisia! That's closer to the UK!), and because he's got connection and blah blah blah there. I'm honestly not kidding when I said that if we end up in a castle in the UK, he's planning it (and he knows it). I also told him he'll get me into one kicking and screaming. I'm mostly kidding about that.

In reality (after discussing this yesterday because it was honestly still making me angry), we'll figure something else out. But I definitely won't win.

I hate to feed the bitterness, but I can give a personal, glowing recommendation for this place:
http://www.sleepingwarriorkenya.com/

It's in Kenya, not Tanzania, but everything about it was wonderful- food, accommodation, staff, day trips! And if not for the wedding, add it to your list of considerations for your honeymoon. My DH and I kicked our honeymoon off here, and were absolutely thrilled with our whole experience there. I would be more than happy to share pictures or more info!

 

[Chewbacca]

mandasand, I want that to be me!