How much pre-engaged planning do you do?

[lin_ny]

I e-mailed the event coordinator at a venue...

I didn't think I'd wanna do any planning at all pre-engagement. But the other night I couldn't sleep and I was thinking- man, I could get a lot of the brainstorming/creative work done beforehand! I've already done some thinking about invites and since we'll definitely print our own, I'll probably start messing around on photoshop and designing those. Also I was at Ikea the other day and saw these beauuuutiful (and cheap!!!) candle holders - and I said to my SO - we should prooooobably buy all of these for our wedding. In fact I might go back and get them tomorrow!!!

Anyway, I don't wanna take away from any of the fun and excitement of planning after we're actually engaged, but I just think a short engagement is gonna be pretty stressful so any work I can do now would be good.

I haven't even set foot on pinterest but maybe now's the time!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Lol Lin_ny!

I have to confess that I might have emailed an event planner at a venue last week... and then this whole Vegas thing came about (See Updates thread)... I dont know what I am doing anymore.

Let me first warn you that Pinterest is addicting and you could probably waste days and days planning on there... and I mean waste because I have a wedding board with hundreds of pins that I have no idea we will use but they are all such good ideas and soooo pretty. And for me, its more like months and months....

 

[MischiefManaged]

I think I'm crazy and one of the only ones on here who WANT to elope or at least have a small wedding. I'm one of those people who hate being the center of attention, and I am actually dreading the wedding planning whenever that happens. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it at all though. I see dresses I like and the kind of flowers I want in the bouquet. But that's the extent of it

 

[pandabee]

I think I'm crazy and one of the only ones on here who WANT to elope or at least have a small wedding. I'm one of those people who hate being the center of attention, and I am actually dreading the wedding planning whenever that happens. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it at all though. I see dresses I like and the kind of flowers I want in the bouquet. But that's the extent of it

nope, I agree...I want a small wedding! I have a vision in my head of a white dress, and the colors I would want my bffs to wear and the flowers...but beyond that and having my SO at the end of the aisle, part of me is dreading the planning because I am not a party planner!

 

[MischiefManaged]

I just want to be able to enjoy the day, and the thought of everyone watching me say my vows scares me I don't want to be stressing about the ceremony, I want to be relaxed. I do love looking at weddings though and imagining what my wedding would look like if I had a huge one. The wedding tab on Pinterest sucks you in

 

[misscuppycake]

I really want to elope but my boyfriend insists on a wedding with all our close friends and family (which is pretty much everybody as far as I'm concerned!). I'm hoping that we come to an actual compromise once the actual planning begins. My dream is to run away with him to a place where no one can find us so we can marry in peace.

 

[lin_ny]

welp.

we looked at a venue today. its a local brewery and its exactly our style. exposed brick and concrete floors with soft, romantic lighting. the cost of doing any type of wedding is scaring me a bit, although I could work my butt off this summer to pay for it quite easily. and that said, I think its a pretty cheap venue.

 

[lin_ny]

Lol Lin_ny!

I have to confess that I might have emailed an event planner at a venue last week... and then this whole Vegas thing came about (See Updates thread)... I dont know what I am doing anymore.

Let me first warn you that Pinterest is addicting and you could probably waste days and days planning on there... and I mean waste because I have a wedding board with hundreds of pins that I have no idea we will use but they are all such good ideas and soooo pretty. And for me, its more like months and months....

we are in the same boat. the craziness is taking over!

 

[MischiefManaged]

@misscuppycake that's what I want to do too! My boyfriend is on board with it all. It's just family holding us back. I HAVE looked up places to elope (more than I have looked up wedding related things).

 

[antiquesparkler]

We are now seriously considering eloping to Las Vegas. A couple weeks ago my grandpa offered to pay as long as he could be there… I thought it was hilarious so I jokingly mentioned it to my SO and now he really wants to do it! The only thing holding us back is his mom. His dad has already mentioned that he thinks it’s a good idea (as he is shelling out thousands of dollars for his sister’s upcoming wedding) but I am not sure that everyone that would want to attend could financially afford to come- especially his mom. I was hoping to help her out with some of the costs since we wouldn’t be paying for a big wedding but then I might as well have a small wedding here and not hurt anyones feelings? It looks like we would also do a BBQ/ reception when we get back… Ahhhhhh!

I already hate planning and I am not even supposed to be technically planning.

Teen Mom 2 was on the other night when we were flipping through channels and this gal said, “I don’t want to plan a wedding without a ring on my finger!” to her boyfriend. Without even a pause, I said, “Sister, it happens to the best of us!” SO just shook his head. Bahahaha. Poor guy.

 

[antiquesparkler]

welp.

we looked at a venue today. its a local brewery and its exactly our style. exposed brick and concrete floors with soft, romantic lighting. the cost of doing any type of wedding is scaring me a bit, although I could work my butt off this summer to pay for it quite easily. and that said, I think its a pretty cheap venue.

__________________________________

Lin_ny! I love it! That would be such an amazing venue. Jealous!

We are currently looking at 2 different golf courses near our beach ceremony location. I can't believe how expensicve they are though.

 

[lin_ny]

welp.

we looked at a venue today. its a local brewery and its exactly our style. exposed brick and concrete floors with soft, romantic lighting. the cost of doing any type of wedding is scaring me a bit, although I could work my butt off this summer to pay for it quite easily. and that said, I think its a pretty cheap venue.

__________________________________

Lin_ny! I love it! That would be such an amazing venue. Jealous!

We are currently looking at 2 different golf courses near our beach ceremony location. I can't believe how expensicve they are though.

What kinda prices are you looking at for rental? I know we don't live even close to each other or anything, just curious.

This place rents for $1000 for 11am-3am. If you spend $1500 on booze (like the bar generates that amount of income) you get a $500 rebate on the room rental and if you spend $2500 on booze you get the entire room rental fee ($1000) rebated. Seems like a good deal. I think food will be between 25-35 per person depending on the menu.

Is this cheap? Expensive? I have no perspective.

 

[antiquesparkler]

welp.

we looked at a venue today. its a local brewery and its exactly our style. exposed brick and concrete floors with soft, romantic lighting. the cost of doing any type of wedding is scaring me a bit, although I could work my butt off this summer to pay for it quite easily. and that said, I think its a pretty cheap venue.

__________________________________

Lin_ny! I love it! That would be such an amazing venue. Jealous!

We are currently looking at 2 different golf courses near our beach ceremony location. I can't believe how expensicve they are though.

What kinda prices are you looking at for rental? I know we don't live even close to each other or anything, just curious.

This place rents for $1000 for 11am-3am. If you spend $1500 on booze (like the bar generates that amount of income) you get a $500 rebate on the room rental and if you spend $2500 on booze you get the entire room rental fee ($1000) rebated. Seems like a good deal. I think food will be between 25-35 per person depending on the menu.

Is this cheap? Expensive? I have no perspective.

Actually, I don’t think those prices are too bad. It’s a gorgeous place! I am in MN and those are comparable with what I am running into except some of the places have minimums… like one place has a $5k minimum. Well we are only having 65-80 people so it’s hard to meet those without serving everyone lobster. Lol.

It's good that they let you have the venue starting at 11am so there is time to decorate. I have a friend who is getting married soon and they will not let them in the reception venue until 2. Her ceremony is at 2... so they are charging her extra because they need to decorate. I want to be able to decorate myself or with our moms/BMs/Aunts... so getting in early is on my 'Venu Wishlist'.

I think to meet the minimum, we will just have an open bar up to $1k or put 2 bottles of wine on every table. Who knows. I am sort of over it today. I just sort of want to be married. Vegas, here we come!

 

[lin_ny]

Actually, I don’t think those prices are too bad. It’s a gorgeous place! I am in MN and those are comparable with what I am running into except some of the places have minimums… like one place has a $5k minimum. Well we are only having 65-80 people so it’s hard to meet those without serving everyone lobster. Lol.

It's good that they let you have the venue starting at 11am so there is time to decorate. I have a friend who is getting married soon and they will not let them in the reception venue until 2. Her ceremony is at 2... so they are charging her extra because they need to decorate. I want to be able to decorate myself or with our moms/BMs/Aunts... so getting in early is on my 'Venu Wishlist'.

I think to meet the minimum, we will just have an open bar up to $1k or put 2 bottles of wine on every table. Who knows. I am sort of over it today. I just sort of want to be married. Vegas, here we come!

Good to know how this venue compares. It is really nice to get it at 11am. Although we might consider marrying at another location (park or something???) since they charge and extra $500 to do the ceremony there. But the weather could be sketchy in late Sept so who knows, maybe just doing it inside is the smarter choice.

We wanna have that amount of people too! But its really hard to trim down a guest list... like impossible. I hope you find something appropriate. And also, I'm uber jealous of the Vegas thing if you decide to do that. I'd love to run away...

Warning: I'm going on a long and detailed dress tangent now.... hahaha.

I maybe might have found a dress. I'm seriously out of control. But in my defence, its not a bridal gown so if i find something I like that isn't bridal I feel like I should really jump on it. It's DAMN HARD to find evening gowns that are suitable for a wedding, let alone find something my style. The one I REALLY love actually isn't in production anymore but they may decide to re-make starting this summer because it was such a popular dress. They make a 'new' version of it which is white/ivory instead of blush/champagne. But I reaaaallllyyyy want the blush/champagne. I went to a boutique in my city that carries this designer. The girl who owns it was awesome. She told me at minimum, she could order the new version of the dress in for me to try on. And that I wouldn't have to pay duties or taxes on it, and pay the US price! Awesome! She also said that she once got the designer to cut a new dress of something they weren't making anymore for one of her customers! So maayyybe, just maybe, they'll be able to get me the champagne/blush dress I really love.

I'm excited.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Actually, I don’t think those prices are too bad. It’s a gorgeous place! I am in MN and those are comparable with what I am running into except some of the places have minimums… like one place has a $5k minimum. Well we are only having 65-80 people so it’s hard to meet those without serving everyone lobster. Lol.

It's good that they let you have the venue starting at 11am so there is time to decorate. I have a friend who is getting married soon and they will not let them in the reception venue until 2. Her ceremony is at 2... so they are charging her extra because they need to decorate. I want to be able to decorate myself or with our moms/BMs/Aunts... so getting in early is on my 'Venu Wishlist'.

I think to meet the minimum, we will just have an open bar up to $1k or put 2 bottles of wine on every table. Who knows. I am sort of over it today. I just sort of want to be married. Vegas, here we come!

Good to know how this venue compares. It is really nice to get it at 11am. Although we might consider marrying at another location (park or something???) since they charge and extra $500 to do the ceremony there. But the weather could be sketchy in late Sept so who knows, maybe just doing it inside is the smarter choice.

We wanna have that amount of people too! But its really hard to trim down a guest list... like impossible. I hope you find something appropriate. And also, I'm uber jealous of the Vegas thing if you decide to do that. I'd love to run away...

Warning: I'm going on a long and detailed dress tangent now.... hahaha.

I maybe might have found a dress. I'm seriously out of control. But in my defence, its not a bridal gown so if i find something I like that isn't bridal I feel like I should really jump on it. It's DAMN HARD to find evening gowns that are suitable for a wedding, let alone find something my style. The one I REALLY love actually isn't in production anymore but they may decide to re-make starting this summer because it was such a popular dress. They make a 'new' version of it which is white/ivory instead of blush/champagne. But I reaaaallllyyyy want the blush/champagne. I went to a boutique in my city that carries this designer. The girl who owns it was awesome. She told me at minimum, she could order the new version of the dress in for me to try on. And that I wouldn't have to pay duties or taxes on it, and pay the US price! Awesome! She also said that she once got the designer to cut a new dress of something they weren't making anymore for one of her customers! So maayyybe, just maybe, they'll be able to get me the champagne/blush dress I really love.

I'm excited.

I really want to run away. I actually have the perfect dress already for it too. It’s champagne and the skirt is covered in these opaque sequins… not shiny though. Hard to explain. I will take a picture. I bought it at Express last year on clearance in hopes of wearing it to something…

Anyway! Lin_ny… Do we get to see pictures of the dress?! It sounds beautiful!

I may have started looking… no trying on… but looking…

 

[Chewbacca]

That venue looks lovely!

I want to see these dresses, ladies!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Alright, here is my "I wanna run away to Vegas dress..."



and a close up of the sequins on the skirt... they make a really pretty noise when I walk too.

 

[lin_ny]

Everything is changing!

We've decided to do a bit of a destination wedding (but not really) and get married in the Mountains. It's about a 4hr drive from our house!

I've also found a different dress that I fell in love with! Tried it on yesterday and it's absolutely perfect. Can't share it here though because I'm afraid my boyfriend will somehow come across it. He knows I post regularly here

I'm hoping to maybe do some DIY and make some accessories and perhaps even enlist my future MILs help with a veil. When you add it all up, dress + alterations + accessories = DOUBLE the price of the dress alone! What a rip! Gonna try and make some of my own stuff or buy pre-owned.

 

[Chewbacca]

antiquesparker - I love it, I want to try it on! Ha ha. I love how spaghetti straps look. And I love the material!

lin_ny - Mountains sounds beautiful! I'm imaging the photo ops, swoon! Cost of wedding-related items is so terrible! Thank goodness for DIY and the second hand market.


As for me: I made an inquiry with a caterer, and they are available on the date we would like. SO thought we should pencil ourselves in, but I'm nervous! Its so close to Christmas, I'm worried I won't be able to find any other great/well priced/available vendors.

Also, I'm SO ANNOYED at photographer prices!

 

[Chewbacca]

I might have purchased a domain name for a wed-site recently.

SO and I are really suffering from sticker shock after crunching some numbers. Unsure how to proceed! Any insight out there?

 

[lin_ny]

Chewy - Wedding domain? You crack me up. You're awesome. We are of equal craziness!

WEDDINGS SUCK... the living crap out of your bank account. Here's what I know thus far.

Venue selection will kill you if you're on a budget or wanna keep your wedding small & intimate. Ugh. We've gone back and forth so many times on locations and venues you would think we're completely NUTS! We went from hosting a 'regular' but small wedding in our town (ended up being too expensive), to destination wedding (hawaii... wayyy too expensive for the amount of people we could actually have, and this choice would force us to not have a lot of people that we really want there), to a kinda destination wedding in the mountains. And that's where we're at still. Truthfully, the mountain wedding we've arrived at will be just as, if not more expensive than the wedding we originally looked into in our home town.

Basically you need, first and foremost, a pretty solid guest list. We waivered on our guest count so many times (in order to consider smaller venues) but ultimately we decided that we needed a 'bottom line' kinda number so we could work at eliminating some of the venues we were considering. Any of the smaller venues were then immediately ex-nay'd. Make your must-invite guest list and go from there!

Then, $$$. Who is chipping for the wedding and how much will they contribute? My SO and I will chip, my parents have offered to pay for the food, flowers & dress, and his folks will definitely chip too. So basically my parents committed to around $5k contribution - which gives us a pretty good feel of how much we'll need to top up to pay for the rest of it (and take into consideration his parents contribution as well). I couldn't even guess of what we have in mind for the total wedding cost at this point, but knowing that our parents will contribute takes the stress out of the money part (well, some of it at least).

Next, cry. Because planning a wedding is the most stressful thing you'll ever do.

That's as far as I've gotten...

 

[antiquesparkler]

I hear you! I can’t believe the cost of some of these things. Venues and food alone is so ridiculous- I haven’t begun to look at pricing a photographer. It is really stressful.

We go back and forth so much too… I found this really neat golf course venue (SO LOVES golf) right next to our beach ceremony location. It is sort of a destination wedding because my family will need to travel about an hour and a half and his family will need to travel about 2 hours but it’s somewhere that we love and has special meaning to us. So anyway, I contacted the ‘events guy’ there and it seems okay and then he starts tacking on the taxes and gratuity and blah blah blah and then I get frustrated because with our guest list and those prices, we won’t be able to get married for 2 years and we will be eating Ramen to pay for everything …lol.

So then we decide Vegas is the answer… because my grandparents love Vegas and offered to basically pay for everything but then we would still want to have something for our family and friends to celebrate…. And then would people’s feelings be hurt because they weren’t able to come? Do we care? (not in a mean way but the whole point of this is get married… not the wedding).

I am just feeling super stressed so I need to take a step back from planning. On top of that, we have no budget yet because there is no ring so neither of our parents have offered to contribute. This is understandable because we aren’t engaged yet. I am sure they will, but have no idea how much which makes planning and budgeting nearly impossible.

I think that’s really good advice lin_ny, start with the guest list. I feel once you get an idea of who you really want to be there, you get a better idea of the type of wedding. Granted it can change but it’s a good jumping off point.

Okay, I will stop with the rambling. Stressed out-not-engaged girl right here.

 

[lin_ny]

antique - any progress on the planning or the non-planning? honestly, try and not stress unless you really need to (like you're planning a wedding in 3-4 months, and you're not even engaged yet... like me.... lol) now that i'm up to my eyeballs in wedding planning, i wish i could just quit!!!

eta: i ordered my dress and SO got his suit last night. and we booked the venue the other day. eeeep.

 

[Chewbacca]

Thank you for the sage one-crazy-to-another advice, ladies!

We've got a basic guest list going, and that does help. We haven't brought anyone else into this wee secret, but we do have a vague budget idea! I've just found a photographer that seems reasonable ($2k still scares me), and is available.

At this stage we are most likely to be going the marquee route. It'll be the height of Summer.. so naturally it will rain.


lin_ny - You are a machine!

 

[maple2012]

Hi Ladies! Just wanted to chime in that I agree... weddings are EXPENSIVE. I didnt think it would nearly cost this much money!! My original budget is out the window and I'm looking at a minimum of twice of what I thought I'd be spending (probably more realistically). That tiffany wedding band I was eyeing is definitely out the door now and we are likely going to postpone the honey moon until our 1st year anniversary simply due to finances as we are mostly paying for it ourselves.

Ahh... why couldn't Sean Parker just lend me a little bit of his wedding budget cash. I'm thinking of DYI'ing at much as I can of my wedding with my mom and sister in law but even still - pricey! Just the food prices alone for catering blew me away. The fiancee was so taken back as well at one point he asked me if I just wanted him to grill out and make burgers for everyone.

 

[Chewbacca]

I'm in the last stretch of pre-engagement planning before The Real Thing. Eeekkk!

SO and I have been trying to come to some real decisions together. I even let him look at my crazy-person spreadsheets, and he didn't run for it! We are both anxious to find a venue, I'm hoping that once we are engaged a couple of my girlfriends will have ideas. Once we have the venue booked I'll finally be able to think details, AKA the best part.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hi Ladies! Just wanted to chime in that I agree... weddings are EXPENSIVE. I didnt think it would nearly cost this much money!! My original budget is out the window and I'm looking at a minimum of twice of what I thought I'd be spending (probably more realistically). That tiffany wedding band I was eyeing is definitely out the door now and we are likely going to postpone the honey moon until our 1st year anniversary simply due to finances as we are mostly paying for it ourselves.

Ahh... why couldn't Sean Parker just lend me a little bit of his wedding budget cash. I'm thinking of DYI'ing at much as I can of my wedding with my mom and sister in law but even still - pricey! Just the food prices alone for catering blew me away. The fiancee was so taken back as well at one point he asked me if I just wanted him to grill out and make burgers for everyone.

I hear you Maple! Your SO can come grill burgers for our wedding. I am pretty sure that is what we are serving. LOL.

I have been gathering lots of DIY ideas on Pinterest and I have hope to stay within our budget although now we might be looking at Spring 2015. So. Far. Away. SO is on the verge of vetoing my elopment idea. Sort of waiting to see how his sister's wedding goes in October to guage how important it is to his fam. Dont want to hurt anyones feelings and dont want to break the bank. Ahhhhh!

I did buy some picture frame charms for my bouquet and DIY photo cufflinks kit. I am going to put pictures of my grandparents on their wedding day in it (they have both passed away) and I think I am going to make SO cuff links for the big day with our photo in it.

Just working on some little stuff for now.