How old is to old?

[Hudson_Hawk]

FI and I watched this show and we were horrified. It''s one thing to BF until 2 or whatever, but the woman who was BFing her kids at 8+ is crossing a major line.

 

[Jas12]

Thing2of2--i couldn''t begin to answer a question like ''what is too old''--i have no idea if or in what way emotional damage could be done--maybe that particular boy will have issues of some sort, how or why they are linked to BF would be difficult to determine and i think this is such a rare case (esp in western cultures) that in order to study ''these kids'' and begin to answer that question it would be hard to get a sample population. For this reason i don''t think any professional would ever try to place something like an upper age limit--there would be plenty of moms outraged by such and health fields have a hard enough time promoting BF it would be silly to begin worrying about when ppl stop. Not to suggest you are saying there should be some legal limit, but just thinking "out loud".

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am *seriously* SHOCKED how many of you claim not to be bothered by older (healthy) children BFing

Do you guys KNOW any 7 year olds?

MrsM, I think it is understandable in your friend's case and doubt anyone would judge. I am sorry that her daughter is so ill. I wish her the best of luck.

 

[Blenheim]

FYI - The 20/20 episode is located here, for anyone who didn''t catch it the first time around (like me).

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/4/2009 8:27:32 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am *seriously* SHOCKED how many of you claim not to be bothered by an older (healthy) children BFing

Do you guys KNOW any 7 year olds?

MrsM, I think it is understandable in your friend''s case and doubt anyone would judge. I am sorry that her daughter is so ill. I wish her the best of luck.

Ditto on both counts. I get that in cases such as that of MrsM''s friend, a general age limit doesn''t make much sense.

But it just seems silly to say that there should be no recommended age limit. I find it hard to believe that it''s healthy for an average 10-year-old to breast feed. And I''m certainly not anti-breast feeding or anti-woman.

 

[snlee]

Date: 1/4/2009 8:50:43 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/4/2009 8:27:32 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

I am *seriously* SHOCKED how many of you claim not to be bothered by an older (healthy) children BFing

Do you guys KNOW any 7 year olds?

MrsM, I think it is understandable in your friend''s case and doubt anyone would judge. I am sorry that her daughter is so ill. I wish her the best of luck.

Ditto on both counts. I get that in cases such as that of MrsM''s friend, a general age limit doesn''t make much sense.

But it just seems silly to say that there should be no recommended age limit. I find it hard to believe that it''s healthy for an average 10-year-old to breast feed. And I''m certainly not anti-breast feeding or anti-woman.

Ditto.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/4/2009 8:50:43 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/4/2009 8:27:32 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

I am *seriously* SHOCKED how many of you claim not to be bothered by an older (healthy) children BFing

Do you guys KNOW any 7 year olds?


MrsM, I think it is understandable in your friend''s case and doubt anyone would judge. I am sorry that her daughter is so ill. I wish her the best of luck.

Ditto on both counts. I get that in cases such as that of MrsM''s friend, a general age limit doesn''t make much sense.


But it just seems silly to say that there should be no recommended age limit. I find it hard to believe that it''s healthy for an average 10-year-old to breast feed. And I''m certainly not anti-breast feeding or anti-woman.

Well the public health agencies have come out in favor of recommending breastfeeding until 2 years old. So while that isn''t the same as a recommendation for an upper age *limit* it does imply that the benefits outweigh the costs until 2 and after that it might not.

 

[february2003bride]

I didn't see the 20/20 episode (and don't plan to watch it online) but I'm a bit sad at the opinions in this thread on breastfeeding beyond 12 months. I practice attachment parenting (AP) with my children (family bed, self-weaning, gentle discipline, cloth diapers, etc) and they are all healthy, smart, very independent children. I nursed my daughter until she was 34 months old and she's now a happy and healthy 12 year old with no emotional or attachment issues. I nursed my 1st son until 17 months and my 2nd son until 30 months old and they are both very independent little boys (now 5 and 3). My DD and DS#2 self-weaned, DS#1 I had to wean because I had to have an amniocentisis. So yes, I was pregnant and nursing for 4.5 months!

I do agree there is a line in nursing and it sounds like the mom in the 20/20 episode definitely has other issues going on. I can't imagine her son going to school because he WILL be tormented by any classmates that see that show.

 

[Kaleigh]

If the child can walk to the fridge and pour themselves a glass of milk, is that the cut off?? I am not being cheeky, just saying.. I think by 7 if they are still on the breast, it''s more for comfort, and self soothing. That''s not good for the child IMHO.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 1/4/2009 9:37:33 PM
Author: Kaleigh
If the child can walk to the fridge and pour themselves a glass of milk, is that the cut off?? I am not being cheeky, just saying.. I think by 7 if they are still on the breast, it''s more for comfort, and self soothing. That''s not good for the child IMHO.

I personally feel that it''s individually based between the mom (and dad, if he cares) and the child. Some women can''t imagine nursing a newborn and other women can''t imagine weaning before 5. My neighbor didn''t breastfeed her child at all, but does she get flack? No. Anyone who knew I was still nursing my 2nd son after 18 months had a problem with it (except my pediatrician who totally supported it). I don''t care HOW a mother feeds her child, breast or formula or both, as long as she is feeding her baby. Would I nurse a 7 year old? Dear God, no! My two kids who nursed till almost 3 were pushing it for me. But I''m also extremely proud I breastfed my babies and for as long as I did.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 1/4/2009 12:03:40 PM
Author: thing2of2
I knew this would be a hot thread-interesting responses. But it seems like even some of the proponents of extended breast feeding in this thread think breast feeding at age 7 is too old. Or am I reading that wrong?

Yes, 7 year is too old for a child to be breastfeeding.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/4/2009 6:13:16 PM
Author: thing2of2

Because at some point it seems clear that breast feeding would become emotionally unhealthy for the child. Should a healthy, average 12-year-old really be breast feeding? How about a 15-year-old?

You may be right, but I can't say at this point *exactly* when that would be. It seems there is an age where it is obviously not normative and probably not healthy--like puberty! But Mrs. Mitchell raised some really really good points about how difficult it would be to legislate a maximum age. As a researcher, I think I would only feel comfortable with such legislation if there was sound evidence for such a limit, but I think that type of research would be hard to conduct given the extremely small number of kids who are actually breast-fed for an unusually long time.

But I know you don't actually want us to pass a law, you just want us to admit that there IS a cutoff in our own minds, right

Well, I will tell you that I would raise my eyebrows at anyone BFing their child over the age of about 2.5, and over 4 I would be pretty darn shocked! But I also raise my eyebrows at people who spank their kids and am pretty darn shocked by people with 12 or more kids... My point is simply that "normal" is highly subjective, as is, IMHO, the assessment of what types of parenting behaviors are emotionally unhealthy in many cases.

PS: I cited the spanking and lots of kids examples and parenting practices that I do not choose to do but others deem okay. I am not condemning anyone who does either.

 

[Jas12]

Tacori--i was just re-reading this thread and i hope you did not think i was suggesting it was abusive to give kids formula --i was just referencing a Dr. here who is very vocal about BF kids (VERY vocal) to illustrate how there are very different views on this subject. On each end of the spectrum I like to play devil''s advocate b/c it''s a debate forum. I know how hard you struggled with BF (i too, did not find it at all easy in the early months ) so i really hope i didn''t offend. Not my intention

And yes, i think i would do a *huge* double take if i saw a 7 year old BFing, i just don''t think there is an answer to "what is too old" .

 

[Blenheim]

I felt uncomfortable watching the older children breastfeeding in the video (the 2.5 yo twins didn''t bother me), but at the same I don''t want to say that 6 or 7 is "too old" because of cases like Mrs. M''s friend. I''ll gladly say that once a kid has gone through puberty, they''re too old to breastfeed though.

FWIW, the only reason they gave for extended BFing on 20/20 was that they wanted to provide that emotional support to their kids. They didn''t say anything about whether the kids were developing normally. No word either on if they attend school or what their peers think of them BFing. The 6 yo did say that 9 is the perfect age to wean, but he didn''t say why he thought that.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/4/2009 10:42:36 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 1/4/2009 6:13:16 PM

Author: thing2of2

Because at some point it seems clear that breast feeding would become emotionally unhealthy for the child. Should a healthy, average 12-year-old really be breast feeding? How about a 15-year-old?

You may be right, but I can't say at this point *exactly* when that would be. It seems there is an age where it is obviously not normative and probably not healthy--like puberty! But Mrs. Mitchell raised some really really good points about how difficult it would be to legislate a maximum age. As a researcher, I think I would only feel comfortable with such legislation if there was sound evidence for such a limit, but I think that type of research would be hard to conduct given the extremely small number of kids who are actually breast-fed for an unusually long time.

But I know you don't actually want us to pass a law, you just want us to admit that there IS a cutoff in our own minds, right

Well, I will tell you that I would raise my eyebrows at anyone BFing their child over the age of about 2.5, and over 4 I would be pretty darn shocked! But I also raise my eyebrows at people who spank their kids and am pretty darn shocked by people with 12 or more kids... My point is simply that 'normal' is highly subjective, as is, IMHO, the assessment of what types of parenting behaviors are emotionally unhealthy in many cases.

PS: I cited the spanking and lots of kids examples and parenting practices that I do not choose to do but others deem okay. I am not condemning anyone who does either.

See, I knew we could reach a general consensus on how old is too old-puberty it is!

But seriously, I didn't just want to make everyone admit an age limit, although I do think most people have one even if they won't admit it! I was just truly curious as to what the extended breast feeding proponents thought was too old.

I do wonder about the long-term mental health and adjustment of the kids who are breast fed until crazy late ages. But you're right-research on the subject would probably be too difficult to do, so I doubt we'll ever really know.

One of the comments under the story on the 20/20 website was by a woman whose husband and 2 BIL's were breast fed super late. Her husband won't even admit to her how old he was when he stopped, and she said that her husband has a lot of issues, sexual and otherwise, because of his mother's inability to let him grow up and detach himself from her.

I realize it's just a random comment, but it didn't sound made up, and those are exactly the types of issues I would imagine a child who is breast fed for way too long having. But since there's no research and I doubt it happens too often, I guess I'll just keep wondering about it!

And trust me, I also raise my eyebrows at a lot of things parents do. The 12 kids thing is one of them...I still remember that thread well!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/4/2009 11:55:36 PM
Author: thing2of2


One of the comments under the story on the 20/20 website was by a woman whose husband and 2 BIL''s were breast fed super late. Her husband won''t even admit to her how old he was when he stopped, and she said that her husband has a lot of issues, sexual and otherwise, because of his mother''s inability to let him grow up and detach himself from her.

I realize it''s just a random comment, but it didn''t sound made up, and those are exactly the types of issues I would imagine a child who is breast fed for way too long having. But since there''s no research and I doubt it happens too often, I guess I''ll just keep wondering about it!

Well, I *suspect* that he would have had the same issues, breastfed or not, judging by the comments about "letting him grow up"... you don''t need to BF your son until he''s 10 to mess up his love life forever, that''s for sure! But that''s just the psychologist in me talking!

 

[Shoopy]

My own personal thought without this being directed towards anyone here:

If the child is old enough to open the fridge and pour themselves a glass of milk or even ask for some milk in a full and complete sentence, then he or she is probably too old to be breastfed.

 

[waxing lyrical]

Meh. This isn''t much different than the old YouTube video of a mom breastfeeding her 6 and 8 year old. It really doesn''t hit that high on my care-o-meter. I think age three would be my threshold. I aimed for 2 years with DD2 and she made it to 16 months, like her big sister.

As for orgasmic childbirth, I know a few ladies within the homebirth community that have experienced orgasmic childbirth. Cool beans. I mean, the baby''s head is passing through the area that houses that particular "spot." That''s not weird. Some ladies would prefer an orgasm to the ring of fire any day.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 1/5/2009 12:02:50 PM
Author: fieryred33143
My own personal thought without this being directed towards anyone here:

If the child is old enough to open the fridge and pour themselves a glass of milk or even ask for some milk in a full and complete sentence, then he or she is probably too old to be breastfed.

I agree completely!

 

[niccia]

My sister nursed her daughter till she was 3...I didn''t see anything wrong with it, but it was definitely more of a comfort/closeness thing for my niece by that point. She would only nurse for a few minutes while she was falling asleep. The only thing I was concerned about were her teeth because I heard something about it not being good for them to not brush after nursing by that age. I didn''t find it weird at all, but I definitely plan to wean my future babies a lot earlier. I don''t think I would stop before at least a year though, and two years seems perfectly acceptable to me (I don''t know if I could make it that long lol!). As for 7 years, I try not to judge others for what they believe in, but it definitely seems odd to me. I couldn''t imagine it for myself...having said that, I nursed till I was 4 and my sister till she was 5 so I probably shouldn''t talk

My mum says I was quite addicted, but we were her last babies, and I don''t think she wanted to stop either.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

nicca, it is very important for children to learn how to put THEMSELVES to sleep at a young age. I forgot the book I read but the expert said that it is a skill that needs to be developed and reflects how we sleep as adults. He suggests starting at 4 months. Just something to think about.

 

[musey]

I would be uncomfortable BFing past 2 (that's how long my mom did for us kids, or so I've been told). I think that once they're old enough to form complete and comprehensible sentences, and form tangible memories (I believe that the age for this is 3?? I may be wrong) they are TOO OLD. It's just weird. If they can ask for it in complete sentences and someday have clear memories of it happening... too old.

The complete sentences thing is probably just an arbitrary point at which it becomes weird

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 1/4/2009 1:19:50 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/4/2009 12:45:50 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 1/4/2009 12:03:40 PM


Author: thing2of2


I knew this would be a hot thread-interesting responses. But it seems like even some of the proponents of extended breast feeding in this thread think breast feeding at age 7 is too old. Or am I reading that wrong?

I am kinda confused to.



ETA: Also I read a few of the articles (well actually ignored the ones that were 10-30 years old) and I would NEVER defend Nestle's practices *but* let's be honest...the babies get sick and/or die because of the dirty water and bottles NOT b/c of the formula itself. Also I think the doctors are JUST as much to blame by not educating the women better.

Tacori, I totally agree that some babies die because of dirty water, etc. BUT one of the main points about the Nestle scandal was that these women should have been breastfeeding because it is all they could afford and/or the water was not safe, not that formula itself is unsafe/bad. Instead, the formula companies gave the new moms free formula to use touting it as good for the babies but did NOT tell the moms that their own milk would dry up if they stopped BFing and used the free formula. Thus, the moms used the formula and then tried to go back to breastfeeding, realized they couldn't because their milk had dried up and then either had to try and find a way to buy formula or their babies died/got sick because they couldn't feed them anymore or their child contracted an illness from unsafe water.


For the most part (except for the crazies in a few of the articles) no one is saying that formula is bad or causes kids to get sick. Just that the situation was dishonest and thus THAT caused the kids to get sick/die.

It sounds like they took a practice they do here and tried to do it in a place without clean water. Bad idea. Formula companies often supply hospitals with formula for free. If the mother is tired, feels like breast feeding is not going well, it is much easier for the hospital staff (at all levels doctors, nurses ect) to hand her a bottle than to troubleshoot nursing. They always say the same thing "oh you can supplement until your supply comes in." And finically, there is no extra cost to the hospital. What this does is disrupt breast feeding in the most critical time, the time when milk supply is being established. So what happens, the milk supply is never established, and the mother goes to formula. The difference is that, even though BF has many more benefits than formula, formula with clean water in developed countries is adequate nutrition. This practice ends up costing the hospital more money in the long run because babies who don't get the heath benefits of BF come in for more ER visits and admissions for asthma, pneumonia ect. One of the guidelines of WHO's BF initiative is that hospitals should not take any free items from formula companies and pay full price for formula. I think a bigger investment in BF by the medical community and less influence from industry (like many areas of healthcare) would save lots of money in the long run, and improve the health of many women and children.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

LtlFirecracker, just curious...when do you think a child is too old to BF?

 

[Miss Fortune]

I haven''t read this whole thread but I saw the show and was pretty grossed out by most of it. I think when a kid can say "I want nummies," it''s time to get off the boob.

 

[partgypsy]

I''m with Jas12. It seems the inordinant amount of prurient interest in this is way out of proportion to the number of children this is potentially affecting. I am assuming that these people who breastfeed till 7 are way way in the minority of the population (I know no one who breastfed anywhere near that long) and I assume are unusual in other ways. In contrast it seems like it is a way of making breastfeeding somehow weird, or pathological, even to the point of posters on this forum saying that over 12 months is excessive! We feel like we are so educated, but it seems there needs to be more education on the many many benefits of breastfeeding for both baby and mother. I''m not going to go look them up, but off the top of my head benefits to immunity, allergies, healthy weight gain, and digestion, with many long term benefits to the mother. Of course I think that breastfeeding 7 years old is abnormal, but how come there isn''t more interest and talk in how to get those mothers that should be breastfeeding but aren''t to do so? This certainly isn''t the way.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/14/2009 4:27:58 PM
Author: part gypsy
how come there isn''t more interest and talk in how to get those mothers that should be breastfeeding but aren''t to do so? This certainly isn''t the way.

I think we already went over this

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:29:15 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
LtlFirecracker, just curious...when do you think a child is too old to BF?

Hmmm, well I will say 7 is too old in my mind. Here are my thoughts.

Breast milk evolved with humans and is nutrition that is designed for infants. For 100,000s of years, children were breast fed well into the toddler years until the mother got pregnant again (the taste can change and the child will often reject it). So until the modern age with formula, birth control ect, women got pregnant and breast fed. The breast feeding offered some birth control (I am not advising that breast feeding be used as birth control), so they got pregnant again a couple years later, and the first child was weaned when either she was pregnant, or the new baby was born. So I think BF into the early toddler years is something that is natural and evolved with us. For 3rd world countries where good nutrition is hard to come by, I think that breast feeding into the toddler years is very important.

However, I think the AAP guidelines of 1 year are good ones in a developed country. That is probably how long I will breast feed when I have children. That is how long I would recommend to anyone who asked me. But if someone chooses to breast feed into the second year of life, I wouldn't discourage it. How old do I think is too old? Based on what I know, I would say past the toddler years. BTW, the show came up at work today, and everyone thought 7 was too old.

 

[radiantquest]

i am not a mother, but am thinking about becoming one in the near future. i think about BF a lot. i would think that teeth might deter me from BF for an extended time. mothers, do the teeth factor in at all?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/15/2009 7:49:02 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 1/14/2009 1:29:15 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

LtlFirecracker, just curious...when do you think a child is too old to BF?

Hmmm, well I will say 7 is too old in my mind. Here are my thoughts.


Breast milk evolved with humans and is nutrition that is designed for infants. For 100,000s of years, children were breast fed well into the toddler years until the mother got pregnant again (the taste can change and the child will often reject it). So until the modern age with formula, birth control ect, women got pregnant and breast fed. The breast feeding offered some birth control (I am not advising that breast feeding be used as birth control), so they got pregnant again a couple years later, and the first child was weaned when either she was pregnant, or the new baby was born. So I think BF into the early toddler years is something that is natural and evolved with us. For 3rd world countries where good nutrition is hard to come by, I think that breast feeding into the toddler years is very important.


However, I think the AAP guidelines of 1 year are good ones in a developed country. That is probably how long I will breast feed when I have children. That is how long I would recommend to anyone who asked me. But if someone chooses to breast feed into the second year of life, I wouldn''t discourage it. How old do I think is too old? Based on what I know, I would say past the toddler years. BTW, the show came up at work today, and everyone thought 7 was too old.

I am glad to hear you agree that 7 years old is TOO old in a normal child. I personally don''t think it is odd to nurse into the second year but there DOES come a point where nutrition is NOT all that needs to be considered. Social and emotional behaviors are also extremely important in a child''s development. Not only would I NEVER suggest someone to use BFing as BC I would be VERY concerned about her health if she bounced from pregnancy, to BFing, to pregnancy, to BFing, etc...

I sincerely hope you are ABLE to BF your children for a year.