I am so, so sad right now and don''t know what to do

[neatfreak]

Fiery, not one of us thinks poorly of you for this! She IS more than a bridezilla and you are right that she''s just a bad friend. She doesn''t deserve such a wonderful MOH.

 

[*Danielle*]

Good for you. You are obviously a better person than I but I am sure people realized that you are obviously better than how she portrayed you because despite her comments you full-filled your obligations. I hope she at least apologized but the chance of that happening is low. Just know that you are a good person and some people can not be helped.

 

[fieryred33143]

Ok to answer some of the questions:

Yes this is the same woman with the Key West driving trip and the same that paid for the bridal party except me.

Her hysterectomy was in February. Even then she is on medication so I know she gets a little nutty still.

I'm definitely cutting off the friendship or at least backing off significantly. As mentioned before I don't think she knows I'm pregnant and at this point I have no interest in telling her at all.

Funny thing is that I'm just realizing how much of a "chump" I've been. I know very well she wouldn't have done half of what I did for her (I also would not have asked though) but I went way beyond to make her moment special, even hiding the fact that I'm pregnant so that she doesn't have to go through the sad feelings I *know* she'll go through right before the wedding. But that's over. I'm so over it. LOL

ETA: I also just wanted to add a big ole thank you to everyone here. I know how supportive you guys are being and I really appreciate it. Besides having my #1 fan next to me (FI) I felt completely alone standing up there today and its nice to know that I'm not just being crazy. All of your words really did make me feel better.

And to think...I need a great big drink right now and instead I'm having a big water LOL!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/6/2008 10:56:10 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Ok to answer some of the questions:

Yes this is the same woman with the Key West driving trip and the same that paid for the bridal party except me.

Her hysterectomy was in February. Even then she is on medication so I know she gets a little nutty still.

I''m definitely cutting off the friendship or at least backing off significantly. As mentioned before I don''t think she knows I''m pregnant and at this point I have no interest in telling her at all.

Funny thing is that I''m just realizing how much of a ''chump'' I''ve been. I know very well she wouldn''t have done half of what I did for her (I also would not have asked though) but I went way beyond to make her moment special, even hiding the fact that I''m pregnant so that she doesn''t have to go through the sad feelings I *know* she''ll go through right before the wedding. But that''s over. I''m so over it. LOL

ETA: I also just wanted to add a big ole thank you to everyone here. I know how supportive you guys are being and I really appreciate it. Besides having my #1 fan next to me (FI) I felt completely alone standing up there today and its nice to know that I''m not just being crazy. All of your words really did make me feel better.

And to think...I need a great big drink right now and instead I''m having a big water LOL!

Fiery, just reading this and OH MY GOD. What a psycho...I knew she was selfish, but wow. You slaved away for her and then this is how she treats you? I have no words. (That are acceptable on PS, that is!)

I am very impressed you went to the wedding. I would have left and never talked to her again, personally, but it sounds like you did the right thing for you.

Pretty please don''t be her friend ever again. I can only imagine how she''s going to treat you once she finds out you''re preggo. Yikes.

 

[EricaR]

You haven''t been a "chump"! You were trying to be the best friend that you could and I think everyone here would agree that you did an amazing job at it.

 

[mia1181]

Wow Fiery it''s pretty amazing how good you''ve been to her. I think you did the right thing by going to the wedding. I say that even though I know I probably wouldn''t have the guts to do it! I am a whimp and try to avoid conflict at all costs. But it really was the right thing to do. This way you don''t give her the benefit of having something else to complain about. It also sounds like you have a wonderful FI for being so protective of you. My DH is pretty protective too and although sometimes it can be annoying (have to argue with HIM about whether to leave or attend the wedding), it really shows how much he cares about you and is really sweet. Just think of what a great daddy he is going to make!

As for your friend, she''ll probably come around, but it sounds like you are over the relationship anyway. People make mistakes and overreact (especially when there are hormonal issues and wedding stress), but if you feel that in general this altercation really is a reflection on the kind of friend she is, then it is a good idea to cut ties.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

cheers to you for being so mature and the bigger person. you truly are a good friend and we would all be lucky to have a friend just like you in our lives! i truly believe good things happen to good people and i wish you nothing but happiness in your marriage and family! this chick sounds destined to be misrable, as she is so miserable to others. good on you for being so forgiving. we need more people like you around.

 

[princesss]

You''re a wonderful person, Fiery. I just want to make sure you know that.

 

[October2008bride]

Date: 12/6/2008 11:59:41 PM
Author: mia1181
Wow Fiery it''s pretty amazing how good you''ve been to her. I think you did the right thing by going to the wedding. I say that even though I know I probably wouldn''t have the guts to do it! I am a whimp and try to avoid conflict at all costs. But it really was the right thing to do. This way you don''t give her the benefit of having something else to complain about. It also sounds like you have a wonderful FI for being so protective of you. My DH is pretty protective too and although sometimes it can be annoying (have to argue with HIM about whether to leave or attend the wedding), it really shows how much he cares about you and is really sweet. Just think of what a great daddy he is going to make!

As for your friend, she''ll probably come around, but it sounds like you are over the relationship anyway. People make mistakes and overreact (especially when there are hormonal issues and wedding stress), but if you feel that in general this altercation really is a reflection on the kind of friend she is, then it is a good idea to cut ties.

Ditto to what Mia said - I think you did the right thing by going to the wedding. If for no other reason, but because now you can cut her off with a clear conscience. What an awful friend. I don''t care what kind of drugs, what kind of stress, or whatever you are under - NO ONE should be able to treat a friend like that. Especially one like you who has done SO much to help.

Good for you. You were the bigger person and as much as she showed HER true colours...so did you.

 

[MsSassy]

Date: 12/6/2008 1:25:04 PM
Author: Gypsy
Okay, just hunted up old posts on this woman.

1. You used your airline points to fly her sister out to her wedding because the sister is experiencing financial difficulties.
2. You spent hours registering stuff for her wedding.
3. You picked December 5th as your date (for 2009) a while ago and then she changed her date, again and again, only to coincidentially settle on Decemnber 5th 2008 (I realize you''ve since changed your date but still).
4. You planned her bachelorette party, and I believe you were the only member of the bridal party in attendance.
5. She''s paying for everyone else in ther bridal party''s attire, except yours.
6. And now this?

And the list goes on an on. Honey I''m incensed for you. You kept calling this woman your ''best friend''... no, no, no. You are HER best friend, and she''s NOT even a friend, let alone best. Kittybean''s had it right. She''s a selfish, PITA, bridezilla. Hysterectomy or no, there is no excuse for this behaviour. Today is the sixth... and I hope that whatever you decided on her wedding day, for your own health, you RUN away from this woman. She''s toxic.

OMG....i hope you didnt go...this girl sounds like a major BIT*H...seriously.

 

[MsSassy]

seriously fiery...just read that you went. you must have the patience of a saint and a heart of gold...LOL. i would have left that BIT*H hanging and never spoken to her again.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 12/7/2008 1:16:45 AM
Author: October2008bride
Good for you. You were the bigger person and as much as she showed HER true colours...so did you.

Well put!

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/7/2008 2:11:49 AM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 12/7/2008 1:16:45 AM

Author: October2008bride

Good for you. You were the bigger person and as much as she showed HER true colours...so did you.

Well put!

definitely a great way of putting it!! I''m so impressed that you went fiery-I probably would have left her to it and gone home! You''re amazing to do all that for her. From now on though, I would seriously cut ties with this girl. She is not being a friend to you, much as you are to her.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 12/7/2008 2:11:49 AM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 12/7/2008 1:16:45 AM

Author: October2008bride

Good for you. You were the bigger person and as much as she showed HER true colours...so did you.

Well put!

Agreed! After all that you stayed and showed what you''re made of.

 

[Nocturnius]

I''ve only skimmed through these posts, so forgive me if I miss something.

First of all, if I had had a bridesmaid like you during my wedding, I would have been CRAWLING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES to kiss your freaking feet for everything you''ve done. I had one bridesmaid flat out ditch me at a store three hours across the state, another who didn''t get her dress altered until TWO HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING, and another who lived overseas so I was having to run all over to get everything for her (I took her measurements to order her dress, I picked UP the dress, I picked up her shoes, etc...) I would have died if I''d had a bridesmaid like you.

Second, good for you for showing up. You showed her you have no reason to be embarrassed, and that because SHE didn''t want to be the bigger person, you stepped up instead. You handled it gracefully.

And you''re right. She is not just a Bridezilla. She is a bad friend and she was walking all over you. She is that one friend it seems every one of us has at least one of at some point in our lives - that one that treats us so badly, but we just can''t seem to get away from. You''re certainly not a chump - we all have "that" friend.

It''s for the best that you stay away. You mentioned you''re pregnant... you don''t need a woman like that around your family or your new little one. Really. Enjoy your life and let her do whatever she wants to with hers. Maybe one day she''ll look back and regret the way your friendship ended. I know if I had a friend like you, I would. <3

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 12/6/2008 10:53:07 PM
Author: neatfreak
Fiery, not one of us thinks poorly of you for this! She IS more than a bridezilla and you are right that she''s just a bad friend. She doesn''t deserve such a wonderful MOH.

Agreed!

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m very impressed with you, fiery, for being able to be the bigger person and fulfill your commitment in light of all that happened. I do hope that you decide to let this one-sided friendship go now as the way she has treated you is inexcusable.

 

[lala2332]

Fiery, sounds like you went above and beyond the call of duty. Things will sort themselves out with bride one way or the other. I recently "broke-up" with my best-friend and its so hard, but at the end of the day I couldn''t handle the drama she caused. DOn''t get anymore stressed out about this. Go get a massage and keep drinking water and let all this roll of your back.

 

[CJ2008]

I am completely 100% impressed that you actually went to the wedding.

I don''t think I could have done it or would have wanted to do it - I would have felt like she didn''t want me there, so why should I bother?

But yours was certainly the higher road - your friend (or ex-friend) should be really, really embarrassed.

 

[newbie124]

fiery, WOW, I just cannot believe that a grown woman would act this way to a friend, much less one that went out of her way many times to help out despite the lack of gratitude shown.

Hats off to you for being the much bigger person. I don''t know that I could have bared standing up for her after what she did to you at the RD (that was SO inappropriate...I can''t believe no one else called her out on her childish behavior...good for your FI, you''ve got a great partner in him).

I''m glad you''ve realized her true colors and I don''t think you''re losing out on much by cutting her out. If it were me, I probably would take another day or so to cool off then write her a letter explaining how her behavior has led you to decide that you might be best off going your separate ways. It just makes me mad that she didn''t even seem to realize after the fact how badly she treated you...Surely she could have at least set aside her pettiness on her wedding day to say something to sort of smooth things over instead of let you awkwardly stand up for her and then on top of that make a congratulatory speech to her, etc.

UGH...well, I say good riddance. You deserve much better!

 

[vintagelover229]

Honey, you are a WAY bigger person than I would have been. I'm not trying to be mean, or a horrid person...but the thought crossed my mind to tell everyone you were expencting during the speech, something like "I am honored to have her as a friend, and I'm hoping that we will continue to be friends for a long time to come. She can help babysit or be a godmother or something, etc to my baby!" That way you wouldn't be to horrid and it seemed like you didn't intensionally do in out of spite....not that it would be nice at all...and you would have looked horrid because i'm sure everyone knows about her surgery, but, that's the little evil thought I had

(i woudn't have done it either...but after what she did to you...you get my drift) FYI: I'm a nice person too...I wouldn't really have done it, but the thought would have crossed my mind if someone hurt me like that and treated me that way.

You can come be my MOH if you want! I'd bend over backwards just to have someone who cared enough to help there!

CONGRATS ON THE BABY DARLING! You have friends here that you can count on

 

[Efe]

You are not a "chump." You were a true friend and I really admire that you went through with your wedding duties. I think you are one classy lady.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Fiery, hugs to you for all you''ve been through, and my admiration for handling this situation the way that you did. You did the right thing, and you can feel good about yourself for that, this is what is most important.

There are people in our lives who are toxic to us...sometimes the people who are closest to us. It can take a long time to recognize this and to recognize who they are, but when you do, it is best to cut these toxic people out of your life. I had to do this with someone who was my best friend in all the world for many years. I finally realized that she was such a "take, take, take" person that it was not a healthy relationship for me anymore and I ended it.

This is what you need to do with your "friend." Ultimately, it will be better that she is not in your life. It is so very sad, but you have to do what is best for yourself.

 

[Po10472]

I''m sitting here shocked!!!

Having a meltdown and a wee fallout cos your stressed about your wedding is one thing, but to make a fool of herself and embarass you in front of a room full of people is unforgiveable in my eyes!! You do not treat someone you care for like that, relationships are built on trust and respect and she has shown none of that towards you.

You have been a very loyal and honourable friend in her time of need and she has overstepped the mark in my eyes. There has been a line drawn in the sand here and what you should do now, is remove that negative entity from your life and focus on yourself, your FI and your baby. It may not happen immediately and you may not cut her entirely from your life, but she has disrespected you and not taken any responsiblity for her actions and that''s not what friends do.

I think what you did was really brave and thoughtful and I hope that one day this woman will realise that.

 

[honey22]

Drum roll please!!!!

Ladies and gentleman, MOH OF THE YEAR GOES TO FIERY!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey, you are a much better woman than most, I have to say. She is lucky to have such a honest, good woman standing by her as her MOH. She on the other hand, is a troll, and is toxix for your health and happiness. Show her the door sweetie, before she walks all over you again. You are much to nice for that!!

 

[Deelight]

Your a much better person then I am, I applaud you for being the bigger, better person.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 12/7/2008 8:31:59 PM
Author: honey22
Drum roll please!!!!


Ladies and gentleman, MOH OF THE YEAR GOES TO FIERY!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey, you are a much better woman than most, I have to say. She is lucky to have such a honest, good woman standing by her as her MOH. She on the other hand, is a troll, and is toxix for your health and happiness. Show her the door sweetie, before she walks all over you again. You are much to nice for that!!

Ditto, ditto! Sorry to hear about this Fiery (and for being so late), but stay strong gal and please try to get this toxic girl out of your life ASAP now that the wedding is over. ((Hugs))

 

[Harleigh]

Wow, Fiery, you are an amzing friend! That gal did nothing to deserve your kindness, and you definitely showed who is the bigger, and better, person.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I didn''t realize you were expecting until I read this thread! I am so happy for you...especially now that that B*tch''s wedding is over! Time to enjoy the reprieve!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/7/2008 10:15:28 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I''m very impressed with you, fiery, for being able to be the bigger person and fulfill your commitment in light of all that happened. I do hope that you decide to let this one-sided friendship go now as the way she has treated you is inexcusable.

Ditto...just read this thread. Yow-za, this woman ees crah-zeeee!!!

 

[julesbeth]

Aw! I am so sorry! You sound like a wonderful person, she was prob stressed and taking it out on the COMPLETELY wrong person.