I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[TooPatient]

In 2 hours it'll be exactly 4 months that dad passed.......... gosh do I ever miss him................ people say it gets easier with time....... guess they lie...... there's this huge hole in my heart.........would do anything to see his face or hear his voice again........ how sad I only got to know hiim better the last 3 weeks of his life......... realized how I am more like him than I ever knew...... sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest didn't mean to bring anyone down............... thanks for letting me put this in writting...............time to dry off the tears and go start supper.

My grandmother was more like a mother to me than anyone. Since my mom is an alcoholic (recovering -- been alcohol free for something like 8 years!!!), I spent much of my time with my grandmother and she helped me with most of the mother/daughter stuff in life. Her house was my home.

She died of cancer 8 years 3 months ago.

I can't say that it "gets easier". It is more like you think about the painful parts less and remember more of the good times. I still break down in tears. I still miss her. I still get excited to call grandma and share when I get good news (it is so awful at these times to have to remember that I can't pick up the phone and call her ). I still sit and cry when I have a problem that "only grandma could help" and she's not just a quick drive away.

I've noticed over the last couple of years that I'm able to remember the good times we shared more than her final year of illness. I think about her as I decorate my kitchen and remember all of her great advice. Anyone who knew her could look around my house and see special little touches that I learned from her. I've even got a couple of my favorite pieces of art from her house. (It took me years (and I'm still working on it!) to not feel guilty when I thought about getting rid of something that was hers. I've still got boxes and boxes of stuff waiting for me to be ready.)

Cluless -- I've heard all the same stupid stuff too. From the day I lost my grandma, I have never said to anyone "The pain will go away" or "At least he/she isn't suffering anymore" or "At least you knew it was coming" -- people don't know what to say and for some reason they fall back to about the worst things possible. They mean well!

You will be okay. The pain doesn't go away. The hole will stay in your heart. But you will be okay!

 

[Cluless]

Too patient, a huge thank you for your response, it made me smile and it made me cry at the same time. You understand where I'm at and I think I understand where your at. I catch myself doing the phone thing all too often. Your grandma sounds like she was a wonderful woman and you were blessed to have her. Good on your mom for being sober over 8 years.

 

[Cluless]

Look who's enjoying my daughter's new conforter if you look closely I think she's smilling Gotta love her

 

[TooPatient]

Too much going on right now. It will all work out for the best in the end, but between now and the end is going to be miserable.

All of this would be less stressful if we had half a million $ in the bank. Even just $10,000 to get us through the awful fight to come.

 

[Enerchi]

Too much going on right now. It will all work out for the best in the end, but between now and the end is going to be miserable.

All of this would be less stressful if we had half a million $ in the bank. Even just $10,000 to get us through the awful fight to come.

What's going on??? This doesn't sound good... are you ok??? One day at a time.... thinking of you (read: WORRIED about you!) and giving you a super hug MOM {{{HUG}}} thru the internet!

 

[TooPatient]

Too much going on right now. It will all work out for the best in the end, but between now and the end is going to be miserable.

All of this would be less stressful if we had half a million $ in the bank. Even just $10,000 to get us through the awful fight to come.

What's going on??? This doesn't sound good... are you ok??? One day at a time.... thinking of you (read: WORRIED about you!) and giving you a super hug MOM {{{HUG}}} thru the internet!

I'm doing okay. Holding together impressively well as we sort through the legal mess and deal with stuff. When it matters most, I can be super organized and composed. It is the in between times where I just have to wait that are worst and I start wondering how we're going to manage.

There is a massive long backstory, but SO and I are in a custody thing. It had started out as reasonably friendly and we were getting our home ready for someone to join us. Not sure what happened. Someone who claimed to be "helping" tied everything into a mess. Now instead of having it all done in the next couple of weeks, we're looking at up to a year (or more) of court stuff and legal expenses. Our attorney tells us to expect it to cost $$$$$$.

It needs to be done. I want to do this. SO wants to do this. The situation can't be left as it was. It has gone from less than good to being dangerous.

But it means the little bit of $ that could have paid for a small wedding is gone. If we skip the ceremony and just sign with a judge, I lose my financial aid and now we aren't in a position to pay for my school if that happens. All of the stuff we'd wanted to do around the house is put off and I'm back to trying to cut bills even further. I'm also looking at little micro-consulting things since I put my notice in at work and now I don't see how we can do without my income (however tiny it may have been).

I'm also scared that at the end of all this it will have been for nothing. I don't think we'll lose, but when you go to court you never know.

And through all of this, there is a 12 year old girl stuck in the middle!

 

[Enerchi]

oh no!!! that sounds terrible - my heart goes out to you and that 12 year old girl! I can only surmise what the situation may be, but look after yourselves first - you aren't good to anyone, if you aren't safe and healthy first. Any chance you can reverse the notice at work? (this was to the 2 bosses, wasn't it? one attentive, one bad mouthing you?? or am I mixed up...) I'm so sorry you are in the middle of this. Hopefully things will settle down in a few days as you absorb this info....

ugh... what a situation. I'm really hoping it turns around...

 

[TooPatient]

oh no!!! that sounds terrible - my heart goes out to you and that 12 year old girl! I can only surmise what the situation may be, but look after yourselves first - you aren't good to anyone, if you aren't safe and healthy first. Any chance you can reverse the notice at work? (this was to the 2 bosses, wasn't it? one attentive, one bad mouthing you?? or am I mixed up...) I'm so sorry you are in the middle of this. Hopefully things will settle down in a few days as you absorb this info....

ugh... what a situation. I'm really hoping it turns around...

I wish I could. I know they'd be thrilled to not have to find someone new. One (the bad mouthing one!) has even asked if I could do two days a week.

My classes fall quarter aren't flexible at all. Two of them are only offered the one session I'm registered for. All three of my classes are 5 days per week. I've gotten to where I've got to do 15 to 18 credits per quarter (all engineering or upper math classes) of my transfer will have to be put off for an entire year.

I'm getting stuff listed on CL. That should bring in $ and help make room in the house. There are also some micro-consulting sort of things I can do for a couple of hours each day from home for $. Luckily, SO got some great news at work a couple of weeks ago so that should help in the next couple of months. I'm hoping he gets more good news in the next few days. (evaluation time is here so with any luck he'll get a raise and a decent bonus)

It will all work out. Our attorney is great and has been good to accept payments so that helps. I know I'll feel better as stuff gets going and some of the unknowns are settled.


To make it all the more exciting, it is finals week! Just a couple more days and I'm done with summer quarter

 

[Cluless]

Too Patient........

 

[VRBeauty]

OK - I'm only going to say this once and I'll deny every saying it if you quote me on it -

14 carats is too *%$@&ing big for an engagement ring - especially when the ring looks to be barely wearable. What on earth is he trying to prove???





Whew. OK. Got that out of my system - thanks for indulging me (and I'm counting on y'all to keep my secret).


and , everyone!

 

[soocool]

My dad asked me yesterday what I would say if he wanted to get married again? I was dumbfounded, because I did not expect it. Dad is in his 80s and the woman he's interested in moved to Ann's Choice after her mom passed away about a year ago. She has never been married and I have met her and she is the nicest sweetest lady. I believe she is in her 70s. Dad has been so different lately. I have not seen him so happy in a long time. My mom passsed away a little over 5 years ago.

Dad has been close friends with other women where he lives, but he seems younger in spirit since he met her. It is weird to think of dad married to a woman other than my mom. Don't have to worry about our inheritance since dad and mom distributed to the grandkids a while ago and the woman is well to do as she was a teacher for over 25 years and has a great pension.

Dad hasn't mentioned getting her a ring, but I was wondering what I should suggest if he asks me and my sister. If he asks her, I hope she says yes.

 

[Enerchi]

That's wonderful that you are so supportive of his decision, soocool!

 

[TooPatient]

VR -- That looks uncomfortable!

SooCool -- Congratulations? It sounds like you like her. I can imagine it must be difficult to think about him marrying again. I hope you're able to talk with him (and her?) and be comfortable with everything.

Enerchi & Cluless -- Thank you. It has been a difficult few months. We had been just about through the worst of it (we thought) and then things just got ugly. In the next couple of hours, things should get even more interesting. We've got some stuff in process to get what needs to be done going and it will all start moving about now...

Why can't people just act like grownups and do what is best for a kid?!!
Oh -- I am in contact with well-trained people so that we can get the emotional support that will certainly be needed!

 

[chemgirl]

Blarg DH is currently on the phone with his dad and stepmom. Stepmom is crying and dad is yelling at him because DH won't go fix their computer. They live 2 hour drive away and we literally just closed on our new house, got the keys 3 hours ago. We absolutely cannot drive 4 hours round trip to try and fix a computer. Who know's what's wrong with it so how would we even know what new parts to buy?

They can't afford to take it in to get it fixed, hence the tantrum.

And wow, now DH is getting guilted about how we never invite them over anymore. Maybe its because they always bring their dog even though I am so allergic I get asthma attacks. They know the dog is not welcome, but they keep on bringing it.

They even brought it to our wedding and freaked out when it wasn't allowed inside the wedding venue.

Grrrr people suck.

 

[April20]

So I'm realizing that I have a handmade handbag addiction.

I've never really been into handbags before. Then a little over a year ago I got these:

In dark gray:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85176759/poetry-in-olive-green-pleated-bag

In apple green, but with two flaps that snap instead of a zip top:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/58275334/pretty-in-apple-green-everyday-purse

Then six months or so ago, I bought this:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/81100723/flamenco-in-dark-mustard-canvas-ruffles

Let me tell you, the orange color is amazing! I love this bag!

And well, just now, I bought this. But it's being made in light gray.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/60294359/canvas-ruffles-bag-frilly-bag-in-crimson

Yeah. I've bought a few handbags. But you know, they're reasonably priced and I've actually met the woman that makes them. Heck, I've been to her house! Met her husband and children. Let's such say Turkey is a VERY hospitable country!

I cannot wait to get my new bag!

 

[rosetta]

It is 3:30 am and I can't sleep.


Argh!!!!!


I'm like this ----->

 

[canuk-gal]

It is 3:30 am and I can't sleep.


Argh!!!!!


I'm like this ----->

Me last night. Oh and every night. For once, wish we didn't relate!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz---Sharon

 

[rosetta]

It is 3:30 am and I can't sleep.


Argh!!!!!


I'm like this ----->

Me last night. Oh and every night. For once, wish we didn't relate!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz---Sharon

I feel your pain sista!

 

[yssie]

The gods are wretched, amoral, heartless, miserly bastards.

When good people have to learn that their infant isn't expected to make it more than a few months thanks to complications during delivery, isn't going to reach any of her developmental milestones...

 

[isaku5]

The gods are wretched, amoral, heartless, miserly bastards.

When good people have to learn that their infant isn't expected to make it more than a few months thanks to complications during delivery, isn't going to reach any of her developmental milestones...

That is news that goes beyond heart-breaking!

 

[iLander]

I'm so tired of evacuating from hurricanes and storms . . .

Just so tired.

 

[Okie_girl]

I'm so tired of evacuating from hurricanes and storms . . .

Just so tired.

Be safe, iLander.

 

[grapegravity]

Just received the stroller of my dream and saw a huge dent at the back support frame
Sent an email to the distributor to claim warranty as the store I bought from will not let me return or exchange it.
Hope the warranty claim will be procceses asap as I'm prety close to my due date!

 

[CharmedOne]

I really appreciate it when people say I'm a good mom. It's all I ever wanted to be. We sacrificed a lot for me to be a stay at home mom and be there 24/7 for my boys. But it's crazy to me that I became a good mom to my kids by doing everything to raise them the exact opposite way my mom raised me, well us. Seven in all. The three oldest lived with their father in Virginia and we lived with her and what I was told wasn't my dad when I was 16, in Maryland. We endured a lot. All of her kids have at some point in life their stopped speaking to her. Not just for days or months, YEARS, You would think after the third maybe fourth kid stopped speaking you, it would make you think about how you have raised/ treated your kids but not her. She made all us us girls promise never to leave her when we were kids. How insane is that? Never ever get married or have a life of our own was insane to ask a child to commit to. When I met a good honest man who loved me for me and married him. She disowned me. But she bailed a low life cheater I used to date out of jail. But wanted nothing to do with my husband. I made a promise to myself. I refused to live in her sickness anymore and moved on with my husband. We will be married 18 years in November. In order to get past the issue of not having her in my life. I had to tell myself she was dead.

It's so crazy now that she is in her late sixties and raising my sisters child, because my sister is now treating her child like my mom treated us. I only have contact with one sibling. My sister whose birthday is the day after mine but we are three years apart. Her and my mother have now reconciled and they are spending more time together. I am happy for my sister because she really wants a relationship with her, but she is always bring her up to me. It's funny to here her say she can't believe how my sister has chosen a man over her child but she did the same thing. She left two teenage girls and a 21 year old in a house we couldn't afford to keep up and moved in an apartment so she could "Play house" as she often put it with her boyfriend at the time. She didn't care how we survived at. She stopped paying all the bills. Now she is shocked and wondering why my sister has abandoned her child for a man. Well go figure?!!

My sister wants me to try and have a relationship with my mother now and often asks me to call her. It pisses me off because why should I? I live a drama free happy life and would not subject my kids to a grandmother they have never met and has never wanted to meet them! My sister is bothered by the fact that I refer to my mother by her first name. I for life of me can't understand why she thinks my mother deserves that kind of respect. She always says its because she is our mom and we wouldn't be here without her. But none of us asked to be here. That was her choice. I have no desire to ever build a relationship with her.

Maybe I can sleep now that I have gotten that off my chest.

 

[TooPatient]

The gods are wretched, amoral, heartless, miserly bastards.

When good people have to learn that their infant isn't expected to make it more than a few months thanks to complications during delivery, isn't going to reach any of her developmental milestones...

Yssie, I'm sorry. My thoughts are with the parents and all their family and friends.

 

[TooPatient]

Well... that was interesting!

I'm exhausted. Will post more later but I just couldn't wait to share with you ladies.....

Things have been insanely crazy the last two days. I'm not quite celebrating fully until I get the filed copy back from our attorney but --- it is over!

We're all home and safe. A bit of drama, but several sheriff cars showed up and helped sort things out.

 

[Enerchi]

Oh, I'm so excited for you toopatient!! I hope this is it- you can start a calm life w that little 12 year old girl. Sure sounds like a dramatic change of events AND hopefully did not cost an arm and a leg to resolve! Looking forward to sharing in your excitement...

 

[Cluless]

too patient, glad to hear it's over and in your favor....Now onto living a drama free life you all deserve xo

 

[Enerchi]

Charmed, that sounds so challenging - family dynamics are the WORST sometimes! I'm glad you have put yourself first and are in a healthier place because of that. Your kids may be better off w no contact, as harsh as that sounds, sometimes it is for the best.

 

[CharmedOne]

Thank you so much Enerchi. I don't know what made me write it. I have never noticed this thread before. But I felt better after I did. I have a great relationship with my mom (MIL) and she has been there for me every since I met her son. We are best friends and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She has been the mom I never had. I feel like like god gives you the things and people you need, when you need them and not when you want them. I honestly couldn't ask for anything more than that