I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[tyty333]

Hoping for great news to share soon! Any dust would be welcome...

Applied for a full time bank teller position and another seasonal (3-6 month) financial assistant position. Would be great at either (6 years assisting stock brokers). Hoping to get an interview for one or both.

And....
Just talked to a guy who started a small business with his brother. They need a website and someone to take care of posting stuff on website/FB/etc plus write about their products. Conversation went great. Meeting in person this weekend (hopefully). May be a one time website set up or may be ongoing depending on what they want.

Tomorrow I touch up DH's resume for a slightly different job title and then he is good to send it out to a bunch more places for full time or contract.


(Still have to complete my bachelor's degrees, but any of these should allow me to do classes and work for a bit. Would like to work until transfer into big program at least...)

Lots and lots of dust!!! Something has to come through!

 

[PintoBean]

We closed the sale of our apartment today! Checks deposited! soooo happy and relieved!

 

[Matata]

I love this time of year. From the farm down the road, my fridge is full of sweet corn, incredibly juicy peaches, and incredible watermelon and cantalope.

 

[Rockinruby]

We closed the sale of our apartment today! Checks deposited! soooo happy and relieved!

Yay! Congratulations!

 

[Rockinruby]

I love this time of year. From the farm down the road, my fridge is full of sweet corn, incredibly juicy peaches, and incredible watermelon and cantalope.

That sounds wonderful!

 

[momhappy]

We closed the sale of our apartment today! Checks deposited! soooo happy and relieved!

That's awesome - congrats!!!!!

 

[TooPatient]

We closed the sale of our apartment today! Checks deposited! soooo happy and relieved!

Yay! Congratulations!

 

[TooPatient]

I love this time of year. From the farm down the road, my fridge is full of sweet corn, incredibly juicy peaches, and incredible watermelon and cantalope.

Yum! Nothing like fresh picked from the farm/garden.

 

[PintoBean]

Thank you mom happy, TooPatient.

I am so sooo lucky that we were able to sell the apartment so quickly because it takes the pressure off my losing my job. This has been two long weeks. I have returned all my equipment to the former employer, and have held off on signing my severance agreement. The offer is good till early September. I had a hard time reading them when I first got them. DH read them and I had a friend with a legal background give them a quick once over for any bogeys. I read through them with a clearer head today. They look ok.

Last week my thighs, belly, back of ears flared up hot and red from eczema. They have subsided in swelling, heat, itchy burning, and redness this week, thank goodness.

My mother is aggravating the situation. She only cares about appearances. Her words of wisdom last weekend were along the lines of, get your eczema rash on your hands and arms resolved because no one will want to hire you looking like that. If you can't take care of yourself you clearly can't be responsible at work. Oh, and take this time to lose more weight. Are you walking for exercise? Don't walk around too much In your community or people will think you're unemployed. Do your in laws know? Don't tell them.

When she brings up us having kids, I usually reply that most our friends who have kids end up leaving the area bc of the high property taxes, less industry related jobs, etc. I'm sick of her responses... All along the lines of, well that affects mine and your dads plans. Who's going to watch the dogs when we go away? Ummm... Pay someone to let them out. And even if we stay where we are, it doesn't mean that our jobs will allow us to be home in the evenings to let the dogs out.

I am sick of being taken for granted, of never being good enough, of forever being reminded that I was an accident, that I have not been a walk in the park to raise, but I should have kids...

We had another argument today when I went over for lunch bc she invited me. My dad called me and asked me why I went over there. He won't get out of the car when they stop by to drop things off bc he doesn't want my mom coming over bc she always criticizes my home and it kicks off the argument.

I'm 36. It's not getting better. People always told me time would mend all. No, she's gotten worse. And frankly, I would be afraid to expose my child to her bc no child should hear the way she talks to me. My DH gets so upset, he feels helpless. They are good to him, but he doesn't know what to do bc he can tell we are arguing, but most of the time the argument occurs in mandarin, which he doesn't inderstand.

Sigh...

 

[TooPatient]

Pinto,

I am so sorry. No one needs that in their life, especially on top of a layoff.

I know it doesn't help, but I cut all contact with my father in 2004. He was always very critical of everything. Drunk, abusive, etc. Nothing was good enough but if I made an effort I was a smart ass or saw myself as better than everyone. Even a short phone call would leave me in a miserable depression. I am far happier without him in my life.

Don't let her get to you. There is no shame in being laid off and she shouldn't be adding to your stress.

If ever you need to talk, let me know. You can find my listing on LT.

 

[VRBeauty]

Pinto - I'm sorry for all you're going through, and especially sorry that your mother is adding to your stress.

FWIW I agree with Too Patient - there is no reason for you to put up with abuse from your mother or for allowing her to take advantage of you. If you can't cut her out of your life entirely, at least set boundaries to protect yourself. Limit the number of contacts per week maybe. Let her know that her criticism of your life aren't helping, and walk out when she belittles if necessary. Does she speak enough English to get by? Insist that all conversations around your husband be in English. But - don't be afraid to cut her out entirely, at least until you find that next job, if necessary. Stand your ground if she tries to guilt-trip you.

My mother wasn't always confrontational but she was smothering in other ways. Learning to say no, and to leave when she overstepped her bounds, wasn't easy. I got a lot of "Why don't you love me?" that was very painful to hear, and I'm sure my rebuffs really did hurt her. But eventually it paid off in the form of a more adult relationship with her, and one I was more comfortable with.

I also have a friend who put his mother on a budget - she was only allowed three phone calls or visits per week to either him or his daughter. He kept track on a calendar on his refrigerator. It seemed to work.

Anyhow, enough unsolicited advice. Loads of *dust* for a short and successful job hunt!

 

[CJ2008]

Her words of wisdom last weekend were along the lines of, get your eczema rash on your hands and arms resolved because no one will want to hire you looking like that. If you can't take care of yourself you clearly can't be responsible at work. Oh, and take this time to lose more weight.

Don't listen to any of that Pinto.

When people make comments like that - whether it's family, friend, whoever - says more about them than about you...

(but it still hurts).

 

[TooPatient]

Watching coverage of the fires around Chelan. So horrible. Many homes lost. Many more being threatened.

Sending many thanks and safe thoughts to the men and women fighting the fires.

 

[Matata]

Sooooo this weekend I mentioned that it was my turn to get a new car. Told him I wanted the 2016 Mercedes GLE 350;
sooooo, he said he wants me to be happy and he'd look at our finances;
sooooo, I just happened to drive by the dealership today and they had just unloaded the exact car I wanted -- exterior color, options, everything;
sooooo, seeing that as an omen -- I mean, these things are just starting to be delivered to dealerships now -- it being the first one in my part of the state and having the exact option pkg I wanted,
I took it for a test drive.
Heaven, bliss, orgasmic, delightful. I left sweaty palm prints on the leather upholstery.

Soooo, I stopped by DH's office with the price (price much better than I anticipated) and salesman's business card and will now wait impatiently and without a lick of grace for the verdict. I'm sure DH didn't expect me to move so quickly on this and now that he's stuck his foot in it by saying he wants me to be happy....

 

[azstonie]

Pinto, she has a personality disorder or two. Go to outofthefog.net, read. Read the forums, you will see your mom (and mine) 1000 times over.

I've not seen or talked to my parents in over a year. My parents are malignant narcissists and my mom also has borderline personality disorder.

You don't have to be her punching bag, chew toy or garbage dump for her toxic feelings.

Btw, eczema came my way when I was 50 when my mom demanded I give her $250,000 immediately (she and my father are well off). When I pointed out at my age all my money was tied up in retirement accounts, she responded that she had thought of that and if I divorced my DH that amount would be part of my divorce settlement.

I went No Contact the next day and the eczema on my finger went away in a couple days.

My only regret is I didn't do it in my 20s. If you need further urging to take care of yourself, remember her abusive behavior will only get worse with age.

I am sorry you had to listen to her garbage. She's wrong, she's dead wrong about you, she's projecting herself onto you.

 

[chemgirl]

Sooooo this weekend I mentioned that it was my turn to get a new car. Told him I wanted the 2016 Mercedes GLE 350;
sooooo, he said he wants me to be happy and he'd look at our finances;
sooooo, I just happened to drive by the dealership today and they had just unloaded the exact car I wanted -- exterior color, options, everything;
sooooo, seeing that as an omen -- I mean, these things are just starting to be delivered to dealerships now -- it being the first one in my part of the state and having the exact option pkg I wanted,
I took it for a test drive.
Heaven, bliss, orgasmic, delightful. I left sweaty palm prints on the leather upholstery.

Soooo, I stopped by DH's office with the price (price much better than I anticipated) and salesman's business card and will now wait impatiently and without a lick of grace for the verdict. I'm sure DH didn't expect me to move so quickly on this and now that he's stuck his foot in it by saying he wants me to be happy....

Oooooh got one of these as a loaner the other week when I had my car in for service. Amazing in every way. Was hard to give it back and climb into my GLK.

Wonderful sales tactic

 

[Matata]

Oooooh got one of these as a loaner the other week when I had my car in for service. Amazing in every way. Was hard to give it back and climb into my GLK.

Wonderful sales tactic

DH came home tonight and asked for a list of my must haves and he's going to call dealerships upstate to see if there's much wiggle room on price so it looks like it's a go. I'm excited. The GLE makes my Lexus seem like a junker

 

[missy]

Pinto, stress causes our bodies to react in many ways and your eczema sounds like it is directly related to all you are going through. Remove the toxic people from your life as best you can as Kristie recommends and everything will improve. Boundaries can be difficult to set but necessary when the people in our lives are harmful to our health. I am so sorry you are dealing with this and sending you more dust for finding a wonderful job and also finding peace from the toxic people in your life. (((Hugs))).

Matata, ooh sounds like you have a 2016 Mercedes GLE 350 coming your way. Lucky lady.

 

[chemgirl]

Oooooh got one of these as a loaner the other week when I had my car in for service. Amazing in every way. Was hard to give it back and climb into my GLK.

Wonderful sales tactic

DH came home tonight and asked for a list of my must haves and he's going to call dealerships upstate to see if there's much wiggle room on price so it looks like it's a go. I'm excited. The GLE makes my Lexus seem like a junker

I know that some Mercedes dealerships will and some won't. I checked with a few and managed to get about 5% off mrsp, so not fabulous, but something.

Excited for you! The GLE is really a beautiful vehicle.

 

[PintoBean]

Pinto,

I am so sorry. No one needs that in their life, especially on top of a layoff.

I know it doesn't help, but I cut all contact with my father in 2004. He was always very critical of everything. Drunk, abusive, etc. Nothing was good enough but if I made an effort I was a smart a$$ or saw myself as better than everyone. Even a short phone call would leave me in a miserable depression. I am far happier without him in my life.

Don't let her get to you. There is no shame in being laid off and she shouldn't be adding to your stress.

If ever you need to talk, let me know. You can find my listing on LT.

Thank you TooPatient! Her birthday is on the 24th. I guess we will call and ask her to dinner as a formality. I feel added pressure as the only child. I guess the best thing to do is to create and maintain boundaries.

Pinto - I'm sorry for all you're going through, and especially sorry that your mother is adding to your stress.

FWIW I agree with Too Patient - there is no reason for you to put up with abuse from your mother or for allowing her to take advantage of you. If you can't cut her out of your life entirely, at least set boundaries to protect yourself. Limit the number of contacts per week maybe. Let her know that her criticism of your life aren't helping, and walk out when she belittles if necessary. Does she speak enough English to get by? Insist that all conversations around your husband be in English. But - don't be afraid to cut her out entirely, at least until you find that next job, if necessary. Stand your ground if she tries to guilt-trip you.

My mother wasn't always confrontational but she was smothering in other ways. Learning to say no, and to leave when she overstepped her bounds, wasn't easy. I got a lot of "Why don't you love me?" that was very painful to hear, and I'm sure my rebuffs really did hurt her. But eventually it paid off in the form of a more adult relationship with her, and one I was more comfortable with.

I also have a friend who put his mother on a budget - she was only allowed three phone calls or visits per week to either him or his daughter. He kept track on a calendar on his refrigerator. It seemed to work.

Anyhow, enough unsolicited advice. Loads of *dust* for a short and successful job hunt!

Thank you for the advice, VRBeauty! The language comment got me thinking... She's perfectly fluent in English, but does not go off on me In English. Not too long ago, when she went off on me in front of DH, I started repeating what she was saying in English, and that shut her up real quick. So I guess she's deliberately going off on me in mandarin bc some part of her knows it's not appropriate and wants to save face in front of my DH.

There is some jealousy and resentment on her part. She made some comments the other day about how she had no choice at work but to put her head down and do her best, being an immigrant and all, and having a child. Ugh... I feel like there is so much contradiction... Work for a better life for your child, then hold her back by projecting all your fears and insecurities on her.

 

[PintoBean]

Her words of wisdom last weekend were along the lines of, get your eczema rash on your hands and arms resolved because no one will want to hire you looking like that. If you can't take care of yourself you clearly can't be responsible at work. Oh, and take this time to lose more weight.

Don't listen to any of that Pinto.

When people make comments like that - whether it's family, friend, whoever - says more about them than about you...

(but it still hurts).

I know what you mean. It does hurt. Group PS {{{hug}}}

Pinto, she has a personality disorder or two. Go to outofthefog.net, read. Read the forums, you will see your mom (and mine) 1000 times over.

I've not seen or talked to my parents in over a year. My parents are malignant narcissists and my mom also has borderline personality disorder.

You don't have to be her punching bag, chew toy or garbage dump for her toxic feelings.

Btw, eczema came my way when I was 50 when my mom demanded I give her $250,000 immediately (she and my father are well off). When I pointed out at my age all my money was tied up in retirement accounts, she responded that she had thought of that and if I divorced my DH that amount would be part of my divorce settlement.

I went No Contact the next day and the eczema on my finger went away in a couple days.

My only regret is I didn't do it in my 20s. If you need further urging to take care of yourself, remember her abusive behavior will only get worse with age.

I am sorry you had to listen to her garbage. She's wrong, she's dead wrong about you, she's projecting herself onto you.

Thank you azstonie!
I started reading the outofthefog site and stopped because it's like I created the checklist myself of the behaviors. I had to stop because clearly I have inherited some of the same issues. Thankfully some not all I asked DH to take a look too. I will look again in a few days when I am less emotional.

 

[PintoBean]

Pinto, stress causes our bodies to react in many ways and your eczema sounds like it is directly related to all you are going through. Remove the toxic people from your life as best you can as Kristie recommends and everything will improve. Boundaries can be difficult to set but necessary when the people in our lives are harmful to our health. I am so sorry you are dealing with this and sending you more dust for finding a wonderful job and also finding peace from the toxic people in your life. (((Hugs))).

Matata, ooh sounds like you have a 2016 Mercedes GLE 350 coming your way. Lucky lady.

{{{hugs}}} Missy!

Matata, how exciting! I am surrounded by Mercedes owners in my new community, and one of my neighbors has 3 Mercedes - 2 station wagons and 1 SUV, the SUV over 80,000 miles when they bought it, and the two wagons over 200,000 miles! I didn't know you could drive them with that kinda mileage! And one of the wagons goes between Virginia and NY!

 

[azstonie]

Those are called "fleas," pinto bean, you do not have a personality disorder but you have some ways of thinking that were created by being the child of a person with the disorder/s. Fleas go away with self-knowledge and some thought/work on them. Don't worry about them. Take care of yourself.

 

[Matata]

Mine at the end of next month.

 

[Sundial]

Matata that is just gorgeous!!! I have a 2015 MB ML400 and I love it.

 

[ennui]

Sooooo this weekend I mentioned that it was my turn to get a new car. Told him I wanted the 2016 Mercedes GLE 350; sooooo, he said he wants me to be happy and he'd look at our finances... I'm sure DH didn't expect me to move so quickly on this and now that he's stuck his foot in it by saying he wants me to be happy....

Your "he wants me to be happy" reminded me of a joke:

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $500. Is it okay if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one I really, really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$80,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $1,500,000."

MAN: "Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than $1,250,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment. Then he smiles and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

 

[PintoBean]

Mine at the end of next month.

OMG! I don't normally gravitate towards blue cars but hot damn that is a sexy 'cedes lololol! I love it in blue!

 

[PintoBean]

Last week I was depressed. I think that taking Benadryl on top of Claritin exacerbated things. Benadryl let me sleep through the night with the eczema, but would leave me hung over In the AM and I would end up sleeping later than norm.

I saw my in laws and my sister in laws' family for the nieces' birthday on Saturday. I felt like a fraud when people would ask me how work is going and I would smile and say fine. Of course, my sister in laws' family is so toxic... They make my mom look like a saint. And my mother in law had said to me in confidence once that the SIL's parents try to dig for negative gossip always and are extremely jealous for no reason and talk behind people's backs.

I don't want to tell my in laws bc they are not involved with us on a financial basis, and they would worry needlessly. Also, word may travel from the parents to my DH's siblings. iDK.

I have a plan right now. Even though I feel hopeless today... I at least have a plan... I want to set up an LLC and be a consultant. My former employer got wind of my not working now, and I know this bc my former coworker approached my DH and asked him if I was still working at X, and told him he had tried calling me and left a voicemail but I didn't call back. This was all within a week or two of my being let go. I actually didn't get his voicemail! So I called my old coworker and after some small talk, he indicated that they are very busy, and that my former boss had said to him that he would like to have me back. It is good to know I have this company as a backup, but DH currently works there, and I feel that it is wiser in the long run if we work at different companies bc there was a big reduction in force months after I left. So... I basically told my old coworker that I needed a month to figure things out, and if at that point they are in a jam, to give me a call and if I am free I could help on a per diem basis. And from there it got me thinking, perhaps it would be good to set up my own business, and work as an independent consultant. That way I could work for people like my former employer and Bow out gracefully when the project is done.

I am doing a lot of laundry at home. It's getting old now lolol.... I guess I felt hopeless today bc I just wasn't feeling inspired, motivated... I am also scared to get too excited about things in general bc I am afraid of failing.

 

[TooPatient]

Pinto -- wow. I'm sorry. Family stress on top of all that is no fun. We did an s Corp (c?) with the idea of doing apps and also contract like you described. Well worth the money to have tax guy trained in corporations advise and do set up. Ours did just a $1000 flat fee.


Update on our situation:
DH has an in person interview Monday. Had a phone interview go great for another position (hopefully in person interview on a couple of weeks). Several more waiting to hear back for interviews.
Hoping at least one of these goes well and he has an offer soon.

 

[azstonie]

Last week I was depressed. I think that taking Benadryl on top of Claritin exacerbated things. Benadryl let me sleep through the night with the eczema, but would leave me hung over In the AM and I would end up sleeping later than norm.

I saw my in laws and my sister in laws' family for the nieces' birthday on Saturday. I felt like a fraud when people would ask me how work is going and I would smile and say fine. Of course, my sister in laws' family is so toxic... They make my mom look like a saint. And my mother in law had said to me in confidence once that the SIL's parents try to dig for negative gossip always and are extremely jealous for no reason and talk behind people's backs.

I don't want to tell my in laws bc they are not involved with us on a financial basis, and they would worry needlessly. Also, word may travel from the parents to my DH's siblings. iDK.

I have a plan right now. Even though I feel hopeless today... I at least have a plan... I want to set up an LLC and be a consultant. My former employer got wind of my not working now, and I know this bc my former coworker approached my DH and asked him if I was still working at X, and told him he had tried calling me and left a voicemail but I didn't call back. This was all within a week or two of my being let go. I actually didn't get his voicemail! So I called my old coworker and after some small talk, he indicated that they are very busy, and that my former boss had said to him that he would like to have me back. It is good to know I have this company as a backup, but DH currently works there, and I feel that it is wiser in the long run if we work at different companies bc there was a big reduction in force months after I left. So... I basically told my old coworker that I needed a month to figure things out, and if at that point they are in a jam, to give me a call and if I am free I could help on a per diem basis. And from there it got me thinking, perhaps it would be good to set up my own business, and work as an independent consultant. That way I could work for people like my former employer and Bow out gracefully when the project is done.

I am doing a lot of laundry at home. It's getting old now lolol.... I guess I felt hopeless today bc I just wasn't feeling inspired, motivated... I am also scared to get too excited about things in general bc I am afraid of failing.

Hi pinto!! Regarding the benadryl and hangover effect and mood lability, remember we talked about that in a prior thread of yours, right? (I think it was your thread, also same discussion in one thread of Jambalaya's). You have options.